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Dareon
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin

the_steve posted:

I was actually joking about finding a Tzimisce and convincing it to install a hive somewhere, but I was afraid I'd be all crunchy and bee-squishing when I tried to do stuff. Plus, the literally impossible odds of finding one that wasn't trying to kill me.

Lol, I'm gonna have to do some reading up on this. I don't think I have a snowball's chance in hell of it working, but, I've always wanted to try to break an ST.
"Are you in a cell hole or something? Whenever I call you there's always this weird buzzing on the line."

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Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

So basically you're turning your group into an undead version of the COBRAs?

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001

Passion’s Wrench

Tunicate posted:

discworld version is probably better to play

So combine Santa Clause and the HogFather. Time slows down as you reap souls and whatnot.

Ilor
Feb 2, 2008

That's a crit.

Tuxedo Catfish posted:

WoD / Shadowrun crossover event when?
Oh, man. I ran an entire campaign that was a Shadowrun/Call of Cthulhu/In Nomine crossover. Kind of like Delta Green, before Delta Green was a thing. It was a blast.

Between the Eldritch Horrors and the Angels, the players weren't sure whom they could trust. They decided that the demons were usually pretty chill, but the angels almost always found a way to gently caress them over. Good times.

Mykkel
Oct 8, 2012


we were somewhere around hesaim on the edge of the spinward marches when the drugs began to take hold.

Ilor posted:

Oh, man. I ran an entire campaign that was a Shadowrun/Call of Cthulhu/In Nomine crossover. Kind of like Delta Green, before Delta Green was a thing. It was a blast.

Between the Eldritch Horrors and the Angels, the players weren't sure whom they could trust. They decided that the demons were usually pretty chill, but the angels almost always found a way to gently caress them over. Good times.

Yeah that campaign was a blast. loving crab men.

Falstaff
Apr 27, 2008

I have a kind of alacrity in sinking.

We ended up missing yet another session of the Burning Wheel game I've been playing, this time for rather vague reasons. I think one more missed session and that will pretty much be the death knell of what was a really promising game. We'll see I guess, but the prospect has me kind of down.

So to cheer myself up a bit I've decided to share the story of one of my favourite events from an old 3E D&D campaign - one that actually came up in conversation over the weekend.

After the untimely death of the elf drunkard Malvrick Antara (you can read about that story here), Mal's player decided to create a Lupin bounty hunter.

That character lasted precisely one session before getting squished by a hill giant.

It was in danger of becoming a running joke for the player, but his next character - a foppish human noble cleric of Thalanis (goddess of Stone, Mountains, and Prophecy) by the name of Terris Romdril - would last the remainder of the campaign.

The campaign centred around the party's quest to reassemble the shattered remains of a holy sword, while four evil overlords (the Terrors) sought to stop them so that they could enact the plan of an even greater but mysterious evil figure. The weakest of the four Terrors, Duke Nor the Deathbringer, couldn't help but notice that all the biggest thorns in his side seemed to take the form of adventuring parties, so he decided to form his own equivalent in the Skull Lords - a disparate group of troubleshooters not attached to his regular army, which he could send to various places to accomplish this or that task, and in particular act as a counter to whatever heroic adventuring parties were proving to be problems in any given situation.

The Skull Lords were indeed foils for the party - they'd occasionally pop up in the middle of an adventure, apparently seeking to achieve some related but mutually-exclusive goal to whatever the PCs were after. Most of the time, they'd lose to the PCs, though they had just enough victories that they always remained a threat rather than become a running joke. More Brotherhood of Evil Mutants than Team Rocket, if you get me.

The Skull Lords also had an ever-changing roster as its villainous members died in battle or left the group to pursue their own ends. There were a few constant faces, though, one of whom was Aknosk.

Aknosk was a gnoll. He wasn't actually that tough - I built him with a purposefully sub-optimal build, a Fighter/Barbarian who wore full plate and dual-wielded battle axes. IIRC he had a magic great helm whose only function was to reduce the dumb dual-wielding penalty he suffered from. Despite this, he looked scary, and I guess the way I described him when he showed up really resonated with the players because during fights nobody wanted to engage him. Like, he'd go *here* on the battle map, and suddenly all the PCs would find an excuse to manoeuvre over *there*. Not quite a paper tiger, but certainly not as dangerous as the players seemed to assume.

Now, according to the 2E Book of Humanoids, gnolls are a very short-lived species - they reach the venerable age category at 30. The concept of Aknosk was that he was a gnoll past his prime - 28 years old, pretty long in the tooth by gnoll standards, and he knew it. He was the best warrior of his kind, as far as he knew, but he was worried that before long he'd just be too old and weak to be capable of great feats of martial prowess. To Aknosk, the worst possible fate he could imagine would be to die quietly in his sleep, rather than in glorious battle against a worthy foe. So really, at this stage he was constantly chasing after the next great battle, in hopes that he'd achieve a death worthy of song.

He was so focused on this end, in fact, that he'd left behind the idle dalliances of his youth - the torture, murder, and bloodshed that young gnolls so love. In fact, if you weren't a worthy opponent, he really wasn't interested in wasting his time killing you. As a result, he'd slowly shifted from Chaotic Evil to Chaotic Neutral.

At any rate, normally he'd chase the PC fighters around the battlefield yelling at the top of his lungs, "KILL ME! GIVE ME A WORTHY DEATH IF YOU CAN, COWARDS!" while said PC fighters did what they could to keep away from him until either the PCs achieved whatever goal they'd come to achieve, or else the Skull Lords losses got severe enough that their leader, Batlin, called for a retreat.

So this goes on for a bunch of levels, with a rivalry developing. Eventually, Terris gets to a high enough level that he can memorize the Planar Shift spell. For some reason, the player is really excited about this spell - I don't really put much thought into it.

Then the next time the Skull Lords show up while the PCs are exploring an ancient snake temple, where an illithid was allegedly holding one of the holy sword shards, Aknosk is doing his usual thing. "GIVE ME A GLORIOUS DEATH OR DIE AT MY HAND!" and all that. This time, though, Terris steps forward.

Terris: "You want a glorious death, Aknosk? Well, I think I can deliver! Meet your end in the Nine Hells of Baator!" And he casts Planar Shift.

Now, I had a house rule related to the nature of the campaign setting. The justification doesn't matter for the purposes of this tale, but the end result was that you could only do dimension-travel shenanigans to planes that you'd already been to. And unfortunately, Terris Romdril had never been to Baator, so I point this out to the player.

"Oh, right. Well, let's see... The only other plane I've been to is the Blessed Fields of Elysium. I guess I'll try sending him there, instead."

For anyone who might not be aware, the Blessed Fields of Elysium is a pastoral, agrarian afterlife of peace and brotherhood - about as far from any kind of hell as you can get.

"Okay," I say. "Do you want to revise what you said in-character?"

"Nah, I'll still tell him I'm sending him to Baator."

I ponder for a moment. "You know, he's got every reason to believe you, and he's also got every reason to be entirely cool with being sent to Baator. He'll forgo his save."

And suddenly Aknosk was out of the party's hair. For a while.

Fast forward several months and some levels. Terris has taken the Leadership feat, mostly to represent the entourage of servants he travels with - he's a foppish noble, as I said, and he's used to a certain amount of creature comforts, even when adventuring. He hasn't taken a cohort, and hasn't show much interest in taking one, which was to my mind the main point of the feat after all.

At any rate, one night the party has settled down to camp for the night mid-adventure, and Terris has retired to his tent (a massive Bedouin-style affair) to have some elysian green tea - a nightly ritual for him. He's dismissed his servants and getting ready to bed down when suddenly Aknosk reappears, cleaving a hole through the tent wall. He looks tired and dirtier than normal - his armour and axes both show signs of wear.

"PRIEST!" he calls out with a snarl. "I WOULD HAVE WORDS. THAT... WAS NOT BAATOR! THERE WAS NO GLORIOUS DEATH TO BE HAD IN THAT... *spits* PLACE!"

This took most of the players by surprise as a few "Oh, poo poo"s were exclaimed around the table. Not Terris' player, though.

"Aknosk," says Terris, calm as can be. "I've been expecting you. I hope your vacation was pleasant, but now that you're back I have a proposal to make..."

Then out-of-character, the player says to me, "I'd like to use diplomacy to convince him to become my cohort, that there's a much more glorious death to be had serving the powers of light than the Four Terrors."

I should have seen that coming, but honestly I didn't. I stammered out a DC - something that seemed suitably difficult - and Terris made the check.

"Hrrnnn..." Aknosk grumbled. "I WILL TRY IT YOUR WAY FOR A TIME, PRIEST. BUT IF YOU DISAPPOINT ME, I WILL WEAR YOUR INTESTINES AS A BELT!"

"Uh. Guess this is yours, now," I said to the player as I handed over Aknosk's character sheet.

For the remainder of the campaign, Terris' player roleplayed both characters and did a wonderful job with it. Aknosk would often bully Terris around mid-battle (either for not giving magical healing promptly, or for healing him when he didn't want to be healed), while Terris was a perfectly patient teacher to Aknosk who slowly dragged him toward a good alignment. It was like a one-man buddy cop show.

And that's the story of How Terris Got His New Cohort.

Buck Wildman
Mar 30, 2010

I am Metango, Galactic Governor


I'm a reasonably fresh DM running a Shadow of the Demon Lord campaign with some players who range from little to no experience with pen and paper RPGs. We just finished up our third adventure in the campaign recently, and despite some bumps on the way I've been relieved that everyone has been having a lot of fun and have been satisfied with my efforts to frantically keep up with them as they make mincemeat of the stories I write. I try to be as hands off in my controlling of events as possible, leaving the PCs to do what they will and only occasionally verifying what exactly they intend to do. This has worked out well overall, but can occasionally result in a bit of miscommunication, as the following story indicates.

The group, all members of a band of mercenaries, made a pit stop at a roadside inn and nearby shrine, which eventually for story reasons developed into a full-blown demonic possession incursion, with a reasonably powerful demon body-hopping between the locals from a nearby holy statue following a botched exorcism that took place prior to the adventure's start. As all poo poo proceeds to break loose after night falls, the PCs, well-weaned on a healthy diet of cynicism and paranoia grounded on past experiences, track down the 'patient zero' original possessee - the teenage daughter of the innkeeper. The demon by this point (they had either killed or incapacitated a few previous hosts by now as they puzzled things out) jumped to a nearby little boy, who proceeded to set the inn on fire and then cheese it down the road in an effort to escape in its new host.

As two PCs (the nominal leader and the wizard) go on a greased pig footchase down the road in an effort to subdue the host, and another PC (dumb muscle) is desperately holding off a cult leader and his thrall who had come to the area to revel in the event, two others, a Changeling (shapeshifter type) and a Halfling, both rogues, dive into the burning inn in an effort to find the innkeeper and his daughter. They manage to get to the second floor of the building, finding the innkeeper hobbled by the heat and smoke, and break into the daughter's room. The daughter came off very poorly from her possession, broken in both body and mind and in no shape to take care of herself (her father had basically locked her in her room after the exorcism while he frantically debated how to help her). By this point, the fire was rising to the second floor, and the Halfling had gathered up the girl in his arms while the Changeling wrestled with the frantic father.

Now the Halfling player, both in and out of character, means well but has been prone to......impulsive decision-making, particularly in crisis situations. It's gotten him in trouble before, and this was about to be no exception to that. The conversation, roughly paraphrased, went as follows:

Changeling :bigtran:: Time's up, we need to get out. We'll have to take the window.

Halfling :v:: Ok, I'll tie my rope to the bed and we'll use it to climb out the window.

DM (Me) :geno:: Ok, but (Changeling) is too busy keeping the innkeeper at bay and you have your hands full holding the girl. You'll need to drop her if you want to tie the rope.

:v:: Ok, no problem, I send her out the window.

:bigtran:: WH-

:geno: *Holds up hand* Are....are you saying you're going to drop the girl out the window?

:v:: Yep, let's do this, we don't have much time.

And so the Halfling drops the crippled girl out of the second-story window unaided, whereupon she naturally breaks her neck and dies instantly. There is a moment of open-mouthed silence from everyone but the Halfling before two of my players (the ones wrestling with the possessed boy) burst into uncontrollable laughter while the Changeling surges to her feet in shocked anger (In- and somewhat out of character).

:bigtran:: YOU IDIOT!

:v:: (FunkMonkey) said I had to drop her to do something!

:bigtran:: Yes you had to drop her - ON THE FLOOR OR BACK ON THE BED, NOT OUT THE loving WINDOW!

:v:: It's like, what, a 15 foot fall? She'll be fine!

:geno:: You're on the second story. You audibly heard her bones break on impact, and looking out the window you see her lying crumpled in a heap, stone still. The innkeeper lets out a shrieking howl of anguish and grief, tears rolling down his face.

:bigtran:: *Turns to me* And you! You totally miscommunicated that situation!

:geno:: I did no such thing. I said he'd need to drop her, and I got verbal confirmation that he intended to send her out the window. My hands are clean of this farce.

The innkeeper, at this point utterly batshit from rage and grief, hurls himself at the Halfling while the Changeling, in full-on "gently caress this" mode, dives out the window and climbs down. The Halfling wrestles the innkeeper off him and follow shortly. Somewhat shuffling his feet, he half-heartedly throws the rope back up to the innkeeper before the two move to the front of the inn to help fight the cultists.

Ultimately once things cool, everyone in the group is laughing over the situation and universally agree that it's the most blackly comedic thing to happen in the campaign thus far, and reasonably in character for the poo poo-head Halfling to do. They get things under control and the following morning, while being grilled by an Inquisitor (spooky rear end heretic hunters for the local major religion) on the incident, the innkeeper, who has been (unjustly) blamed for the incident due to a secret cultist chamber discovered in the cellar of his inn, is wheeled away in a prison wagon to be burned at the stake. The adventure wrapped on this final exchange as he goes by.

:argh:: YOU MURDERED MY DAUGHTER! YOU KILLED MY LITTLE GIRL! YOU BASTARD, YOU LITTLE ANKLE-BITER MONSTER!

:v:: (In full view/earshot of the inquisitor) It was like a one-story drop dude who dies from that?!

:geno:: Jesus, Welby...

Buck Wildman fucked around with this message at 04:56 on May 2, 2017

Getsuya
Oct 2, 2013
Edit: Actually never mind

Getsuya fucked around with this message at 13:47 on May 2, 2017

gradenko_2000
Oct 5, 2010

HELL SERPENT
Lipstick Apathy

Falstaff posted:

Aknosk was a gnoll.

I really enjoyed this story. Thank you for sharing it!

Ichabod Sexbeast
Dec 5, 2011

Giving 'em the old razzle-dazzle
Well SOMEone has a new nemesis...

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

Amazing. I hope you find a suitably heroic situation for his death, and then Aknosk refuses it because he's not done yet.

Volmarias fucked around with this message at 14:00 on May 2, 2017

CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

Have fun!

the_steve posted:

I was actually joking about finding a Tzimisce and convincing it to install a hive somewhere, but I was afraid I'd be all crunchy and bee-squishing when I tried to do stuff. Plus, the literally impossible odds of finding one that wasn't trying to kill me.

Lol, I'm gonna have to do some reading up on this. I don't think I have a snowball's chance in hell of it working, but, I've always wanted to try to break an ST.

Considering I play in my local VtM LARP, you and I should hookup. My Setite would be willing to help you...for a favor down the road of course...

Carebearz
May 6, 2008

CARE BEAR STARE

:regd10:

Voyager I posted:

If you're lucky, they'll try to take the gun off the tank and staple it to the RV and feel really clever about themselves for thinking of it.

I know I'm quoting an old post, but my character in a D20 modern campaign, was a simple merc(who i guess turned out to be the only sucessfull product of a russian not Captain America development lab). spent all of his money after a decent payoff to turn his "not A-Team van" to give it a .50 cal mount that would flip out of the top giving whoever used it a 360 degree turret and reinforced, eventually i reinforced the body with armor plating and tricked out the engine to push like 800 hp.

First session I also duct taped a full can of vanilla roast coffee to my spas-12as a makeshift suppressor

Carebearz
May 6, 2008

CARE BEAR STARE

:regd10:

CobiWann posted:

Considering I play in my local VtM LARP, you and I should hookup. My Setite would be willing to help you...for a favor down the road of course...

by making a hive you obviously mean spend all your downtime creating murder golems in case the other Sabbat strayed from the path of the sword.

Falstaff
Apr 27, 2008

I have a kind of alacrity in sinking.

Volmarias posted:

Amazing. I hope you find a suitably heroic situation for his death, and then Aknosk refuses it because he's not done yet.

Well, the campaign is long since over - I ran it back in the early aughts, and it kind of petered out after a time. He did have a scene like that when I ran a 3rd Ed. adaptation of the 2nd Ed. Blood War boxed set adventure, where Aknosk (and the PCs, of course) helped remove teleportation capabilities from every Tanar'ri and Baatezu in existence. Not much of a story to tell there, since I can't remember any of the details other than the fact that it happened.

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

FunkMonkey posted:

:v:: (In full view/earshot of the inquisitor) It was like a one-story drop dude who dies from that?!

:geno:: Jesus, Welby...

To be fair, falling damage in that system is pretty low. Less than 5 yards deals 0 damage no matter whether you hit a solid or liquid surface. 5-9 yards is 2d6 damage hitting something solid, 1d6 liquid.

Buck Wildman
Mar 30, 2010

I am Metango, Galactic Governor


Tunicate posted:

To be fair, falling damage in that system is pretty low. Less than 5 yards deals 0 damage no matter whether you hit a solid or liquid surface. 5-9 yards is 2d6 damage hitting something solid, 1d6 liquid.

True, but this was not a statted NPC and she was already in extremely bad shape. It was a narrative decision largely meant to react to how grossly irresponsible and dangerous it was - the Halfling basically chucked the poor girl out the window thinking it was the most expedient way of ensuring her safety, while grossly underestimating how high up they were. The player was also pretty much roleplaying at that point - everyone involved except myself had filed it under "acceptable by virtue of humor" at that point and I wasn't going to press the matter. I already have plans for a more lasting consequence for his character in store.

Edit: I'll also remind that the whole reason he threw her out the window was so he could have his hands free to tie a rope so they could safely climb out and down the building. He freely admitted afterward that his thought process was "welp, someone's got to go out first so I can help the others."

Buck Wildman fucked around with this message at 22:21 on May 2, 2017

CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

Have fun!


Is it bad that I feel for the king in this picture? He just looks so sad and desperate for help...

Yawgmoth
Sep 10, 2003

This post is cursed!
Maybe if the DM didn't wear his hood up indoors like a creeper he wouldn't be in this mes. :colbert:

Obligatum VII
May 5, 2014

Haunting you until no 8 arrives.

Yawgmoth posted:

Maybe if the DM didn't wear his hood up indoors like a creeper he wouldn't be in this mes. :colbert:

He also should not underestimate the charm of a sheet ghost. Especially one that appears to be giving out free soup.

Tuxedo Catfish
Mar 17, 2007

You've got guts! Come to my village, I'll buy you lunch.
I'm tempted to get that king and the portal (and maybe the label floating above them) as an avatar.

Vanguard Warden
Apr 5, 2009

I am holding a live frag grenade.
So I was in an FFG Star Wars game awhile back. I was playing as a force-sensitive racing enthusiast, and the rest of the group consisted of a Jedi aspirant sage with strong telekinetic force powers, a force-sensitive sniper, a more traditional smuggler, and an excessively cybered-up enforcer. The group had managed to sneak onto a star destroyer to spy on an imperial agent that the group had been in contact with during some sort of political event the empire had been hosting, and everything had been going well so far.

One night, the sniper (who had regularly been having precognitive dreams) started freaking out because she had a vision of something majorly terrifying coming to the star destroyer. The Jedi sage immediately confirmed it to be a powerful Sith warrior, and everyone made a group decision to bail from the star destroyer immediately. We couldn't just leave midway through the trip without immediately getting tractor-beamed on the way out, so the smuggler got her hands on some schematics for the star destroyer. The plan was to have the cyborg enforcer stuff his surgical droid full of the Star Wars equivalent of plastic explosives and float it down a vent shaft towards a sensor array. The group would get to their ship, blow the sensor array remotely, and flee in the confusion.

We made it all the way to our docking bay with no alarms and were met by the imperial officer we had been spying on, two squadrons of storm-troopers, and the Sith warrior we had been trying to dodge. A fight immediately broke out, and our group got HAMMERED. The sniper was out cold from storm-trooper fire, the smuggler was busy trying to unlock the door to our ship, the Jedi-aspirant was getting force-choked by the Sith warrior, and the cyborg had gotten his robo-punching hand lopped off by a light-saber.

The cyborg enforcer's player accurately assumed that we were probably all hosed either way, so he jogged up to the Sith, pulled ANOTHER charge of explosives out of his backpack, and tossed it into the air before immediately setting off both of his charges. The cyborg enforcer took a lot of damage, but was just barely still standing because of how armored he was. Meanwhile, all the nearby storm-troopers were IMMEDIATELY killed, the imperial officer was blown across the room and unconscious, and the Sith warrior was injured enough that he started to retreat for his tie fighter.

Alarms started blaring across the star destroyer from all the explosions going off. The Jedi-aspirant marched after the fleeing Sith, made an ABSURDLY powerful force power roll, and smashed the guy into the floor by throwing his own tie fighter at him. I filled the sniper with stimpacks until she was on her feet while the smuggler finally got the door open, and we all got onto our ship and made it out of there safely.

girl dick energy
Sep 30, 2009

You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?

Vanguard Warden posted:

Alarms started blaring across the star destroyer from all the explosions going off. The Jedi-aspirant marched after the fleeing Sith, made an ABSURDLY powerful force power roll, and smashed the guy into the floor by throwing his own tie fighter at him. I filled the sniper with stimpacks until she was on her feet while the smuggler finally got the door open, and we all got onto our ship and made it out of there safely.
If Star Wars has taught us anything, it's that there is no problem that can't be solved by liberal application of the Force and explosions.

Vanguard Warden
Apr 5, 2009

I am holding a live frag grenade.

PMush Perfect posted:

If Star Wars has taught us anything, it's that there is no problem that can't be solved by liberal application of the Force and explosions.

I've got a txt file somewhere with notes for characters I'm interested in playing in upcoming campaigns, and the only two entries in the Star Wars section are "Mad Bomber" and "Force Wizard".

Rockopolis
Dec 21, 2012

I MAKE FUN OF QUEER STORYGAMES BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY LIFE THAN MAKE OTHER PEOPLE CRY

I can't understand these kinds of games, and not getting it bugs me almost as much as me being weird
Mad Force Bomber for on the fly shaped charges or implementing the chunky salsa rule.

Rap Game Goku
Apr 2, 2008

Word to your moms, I came to drop spirit bombs


I had an idea for a sith lord that used force choke like the "I'm crushing your head" guy from the kids in the hall. Ended up making him in a non star wars game. Didn't have the same je ne sais quoi.

Tuxedo Catfish
Mar 17, 2007

You've got guts! Come to my village, I'll buy you lunch.

I've always felt like the Star Wars setting was far more ripe for heists and capers than actual space opera. The original trilogy spends all this time pouring effort into its characterizations of criminals and other seedy people in seedy places, but then all the narrative focus is on fairly straightforward heroics.

Railing Kill
Nov 14, 2008

You are the first crack in the sheer face of god. From you it will spread.
Running a D&D5 campaign in a randomly-generated dungeon crawl. We had the rogue swipe a golden idol from a minotaur and leap across a chasm to try to taunt it into falling down the chasm. The cleric and barbarian waited on the other side of the chasm, in case the minotaur made the leap. The rogue failed, but was prepared and had a rope tied around him for the fighter to haul him up. The minotaur, meanwhile, makes the leap, and lands to hit the barbarian. The minotaur's rules state that he takes both his axe attack and gore attack if he charges. He misses with the axe.

The gore is a nat-20.

He deals 28 damage to the level 2 barbarian, KO'ing him instantly. But the barbarian is a half-orc, so he blows his ability to come back from 0 HP with 1 HP. Two actions later, the barbarian rages and hits with his own nat-20.

Fuckin minotaur puts both horns straight through the barbarian's chest, and it just gets pisses him off.

:black101: :black101: :black101:

girl dick energy
Sep 30, 2009

You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
Please tell me he front-kicked the minotaur into the pit.

Drone
Aug 22, 2003

Incredible machine
:smug:


Vanguard Warden posted:

So I was in an FFG Star Wars game awhile back.

Man, I adore the FFG Star Wars system and I've never had any cool experiences like these or, even better, DivineCoffeeBinge's stories of old from his SW Saga game. :(

gradenko_2000
Oct 5, 2010

HELL SERPENT
Lipstick Apathy
I'd like to thank the goon group that I ran with this weekend:

Eanor the Wilden Druid
Augustus the Warlock
Gary the Goblin Artificer
D-VNCI the Warforged Assassin
Rock the Cleric/Runepriest

We went to investigate a portal into the Elemental Plane of Earth and fought the :frogout: boss

gradenko_2000 fucked around with this message at 11:01 on May 5, 2017

Railing Kill
Nov 14, 2008

You are the first crack in the sheer face of god. From you it will spread.

PMush Perfect posted:

Please tell me he front-kicked the minotaur into the pit.

I wish, but it was pretty cool anyway. The 5e half-orc has an ability called Savage Attack, which adds an additional weapon die to critical hit damage. So the barbarian went from rolling 1d12+4 damage to 3d12+4 damage at level 2. Not too shabby. He ended up dealing close to 30 damage. Had he not done that, the minotaur probably would have had the rounds to mash someone else, or pitch someone down the chasm. Everyone else was doing single-digit damage, if they were hitting at all.

Between Savage Attack and the extra life ability, the 5e half-orc is rad as hell. I'm pretty drat impressed with 5e in general, in particular with what they did with the races.

Carebearz
May 6, 2008

CARE BEAR STARE

:regd10:

Railing Kill posted:

I wish, but it was pretty cool anyway. The 5e half-orc has an ability called Savage Attack, which adds an additional weapon die to critical hit damage. So the barbarian went from rolling 1d12+4 damage to 3d12+4 damage at level 2. Not too shabby. He ended up dealing close to 30 damage. Had he not done that, the minotaur probably would have had the rounds to mash someone else, or pitch someone down the chasm. Everyone else was doing single-digit damage, if they were hitting at all.

Between Savage Attack and the extra life ability, the 5e half-orc is rad as hell. I'm pretty drat impressed with 5e in general, in particular with what they did with the races.

I did the same thing with my Half Orc Paladin, but with a greatsword and sweet rear end Smite and great weapon master against someLich.

Got wrecked by 2 max damage crits in a row, used the half orc "gently caress you i'm not dead" ability, hit back with a max damage crit of my own with drat near max damage on the smite roll.

the best part of that was after the Lich ws in its BBEG "NO I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOST!" bullshit I lay on hands'd myself

5e Half Orcs are rad to the max

Blooming Brilliant
Jul 12, 2010

CobiWann posted:



Is it bad that I feel for the king in this picture? He just looks so sad and desperate for help...

Replace the NPC with a talking elephant and that was my last campaign :v:

Kwyndig
Sep 23, 2006

Heeeeeey


Blooming Brilliant posted:

Replace the NPC with a talking elephant and that was my last campaign :v:

Well yeah, a talking elephant is way cooler than some boring demon portal or whatever.

Railing Kill
Nov 14, 2008

You are the first crack in the sheer face of god. From you it will spread.

CobiWann posted:



Is it bad that I feel for the king in this picture? He just looks so sad and desperate for help...

I'm usually a GM's helper as a player, since I run a lot of games. But I did something like this on purpose once, a little bit, just to be a jerk.

My buddy was running old 7th Sea. the system has Brute Squads, these groups of 6 dumbasses that are meant to get mowed down en masse. Think like the waves of idiots the three Musketeers push down flights of stairs like dominoes.

I was playing a Pyeryem (shapeshifting) spy, whose personality was very nice. She was not cut out for the ruthlessness of spying, but was kind of roped into it by her background. Anyway, being such a nice young lady, she decided that the best way to get into the villain's manor was to rub elbows with one of his guards. Two Brutes stood outside the gate of the manor (the rest of their squad was somewhere nearby, ready to materialize out of nowhere if combat occurred, because that's how Brutes work). My character went right up to one of them and simply asked his name.

:j: Hi there! What's your name?

:toughguy: Uhhh.... *GM fails to think of a German name off the top of his head* ....Who are you?

:j: My name is Kira. What is your name, good sir?

:toughguy: I... don't... know.....

:j: Oh my! What an interesting life you must lead, not knowing your name. I also do not know my last name. But enough about me. Tell me: are you from Freiburg, or have you immigrated?

:toughguy: Ummmm.... please move along, miss.

:j: I have decided I am going to call you Karl. It is so nice to meet you, Karl.

:toughguy: :psyduck:

This continued for a minute. The GM started getting annoyed. These guys don't have names, let alone backstories. I put him on the spot about a bunch of dumb poo poo, deliberately because I know how annoying it is to think of little details on the spot. But I didn't belabor it and I had a purpose. My plan worked: the guard did eventually let my character onto the premises. Even better, when poo poo inevitably went sideways in the manor and the guards were asked to point out the culprit between my character and a bad guy I was trying to frame, Karl stepped forward and pointed at the bad guy.

"That brute deserves an upgrade to Henchman," one of the other players said.

I just said, "His name is Karl. Get it right." :colbert:

Buck Wildman
Mar 30, 2010

I am Metango, Galactic Governor


My players advised me to have a prepared name back to draw on because they knew if I ever hesitated to give someone's name they clearly didn't matter and could be safely ignored.

This is naturally a tendency I've learned to exploit eventually. Never trust a man named Greg.

susan
Jan 14, 2013

FunkMonkey posted:

My players advised me to have a prepared name back to draw on because they knew if I ever hesitated to give someone's name they clearly didn't matter and could be safely ignored.

This is naturally a tendency I've learned to exploit eventually. Never trust a man named Greg.

When I GM, I have an IMDB page open to a thematically appropriate movie/TV series and pull names from the actors/characters/production crew as needed. Works great for the most part (for Human names, at least), though I do need to go pretty deep into the well sometimes to avoid the Rory Gilmore Gang Boss incident of 2012...

Tuxedo Catfish
Mar 17, 2007

You've got guts! Come to my village, I'll buy you lunch.

Blooming Brilliant posted:

Replace the NPC with a talking elephant and that was my last campaign :v:

You put a talking elephant in your campaign, you get exactly the attention it deserves

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Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

Just an excerpt from a friend:


Friend
Ok so at this point I can't do a time travel tabletop

Because it would involve Wrestle Jesus

Headbutts with the crown of thorns

Takes out a fish, multiples them into a multitude, then does a moonsault off the fish pile


I dunno about you guys, but to me that seems like the perfect reason to do a Time Travel game (particularly in the vein of Time Squad)

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