Gynovore posted:

Anxiety is the boner-killer. Anxiety is the little death that brings total limpness. I will face my anxiety. I will permit it to pass over me and out my dick. And when it is gone I will turn my boner to see it's path. When the anxiety is gone there will be hardness. Only the boner will remain.

Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway, seriously, lick her. Lick her until she squeals. Once she's come eighteen times you'll probably be rock hard, but even if you aren't, she won't care.

Gynovore posted:

Anxiety is the boner-killer. Anxiety is the little death that brings total limpness. I will face my anxiety. I will permit it to pass over me and out my dick. And when it is gone I will turn my boner to see it's path. When the anxiety is gone there will be hardness. Only the boner will remain.

Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway, seriously, lick her. Lick her until she squeals. Once she's come eighteen times you'll probably be rock hard, but even if you aren't, she won't care.

Gynovore posted:

Anxiety is the boner-killer. Anxiety is the little death that brings total limpness. I will face my anxiety. I will permit it to pass over me and out my dick. And when it is gone I will turn my boner to see it's path. When the anxiety is gone there will be hardness. Only the boner will remain.

Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway, seriously, lick her. Lick her until she squeals. Once she's come eighteen times you'll probably be rock hard, but even if you aren't, she won't care.

RFC2324 posted:

Also, get her to suck your limp dick. It may not get hard, but it will still feel good.

loquacius posted:

limp-dick advice ITT

OutOfPrint posted:

I thought the little death was the end-game of a boner.

Putty posted:

I looked into the Keto diet and I'm not exactly sure if it is legit or will kill you.

quote:

I am living in a pretty unique/wonderful relationship right now. However, it is a bit outside the norm for people. So yeah, confession time.

I met my girlfriend about 5 years ago in college. We hit it off immediately and became an official couple within a few days of first meeting each other. We have been together ever since.

However, as time went on we discovered we had one big issue. I'm a sub and my girlfriend, despite trying out some dom stuff for years, is far more comfortable as a sub. As anyone who's been really deep into dom/sub relationships knows, you can't both survive as a sub or a dom.

So about a year ago, we used fetlife to find a dom. We had some good experiences, some bad experiences, but nobody that really clicked as a permanent member of our family. Then we met Julia. Julia is about a decade older than us, has a kind of a "stern teacher" look to her, and is a perfect dom.

Our lives revolve around our dom/sub/sub relationships. It is wonderful. Around the house, my girlfriend and I both wear collars while Julia carries her riding crop to signify her command over us. Whenever we're in the house, we do whatever Julia says. It's extremely liberating to not have to make decisions - if you're someone who struggles with indecision my guess is you're a sub and don't realize it.

We have sex usually every night or every other night, and Julia commands us what to do.

During the day, my girlfriend and Julia both work, while I maintain the house. It's more work than you might think. Since we have sex pretty regularly and in most rooms of the house, I have to do a lot of carpet shampooing, cleaning of linens, and scrubbing of walls and floors.

I know it's a meme on these forums to say that poly relationships never work, but here's proof of one that works really well!

quote:

Several years ago Hulk Hogan was wrestling for TNA Wrestling. I worked at Universal Studios, which is where that show was filmed.

One day I was finishing up for the evening and saw Hulk Hogan in the parking lot. I asked him for an autograph, as I imagine almost anybody would.

He acted like he didn't see me, so I got up closer and asked him again. He then told me to "back off", made fun of my weight problem, and then left in his car.

In short, gently caress you Hulk Hogan. You later showed you were a huge racist, which is no surprise considering you're a fat shamer too.

quote:

My wife threatened to divorce me and take half of my money. So I did something I'm not proud of, but which needed to be done - I hit her.

One light slap, that's it. Just a "get ahold of yourself" thing. It worked, but I feel awful about doing it. I don't know where to continue in our relationship from here.

armchairyoda posted:

As a lesbian trapped in a mans' body (straight male), there is nothing wrong about getting turned on by chicks dancing/playing with themselves on the internet.

You are okay, Camgirl-Lesbian.

Glad to help.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Start pulling out thousands and thousands of dollars from your joint accounts and put the cash somewhere safe (no saftey deposit boxes or storage facilities because they'll find those). Claim gambling addiction in divorce court. You may get to keep a decent chunk of that.

Jose posted:

i have a non-anonymous confession. i had a sex dream involving someone at work last night lol

Putty posted:

You should have sat on Hulk Hogan, that'll show him

I always figure asking for autographs from people is a bad idea 100% of the time.

SniperWoreConverse posted:

I know it's a meme on these forums to say that poly relationships never work, but here's proof of one that works really well!

lol it works because you're all fetishists

whatch out or ur gonna be berth el puppin it some day

Solice Kirsk posted:

Been seeing this the last few days. The hell is it?

Solice Kirsk posted:

Been seeing this the last few days. The hell is it?

Soylent Pudding posted:

areyoucontagious posted:

Oh my, friend, we have such sights to show you


https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3792330&pagenumber=3&perpage=40#post464788879

1000+ pages of the worst best relationship stories Reddit has to offer

Solice Kirsk posted:

Ah, OK. I just read about half the first page of that thread and then dove right to the last one today. Maybe I'll go back and read some of those ranked posts they're doing now.

areyoucontagious posted:

Honestly most of that thread is p. bad, but there's a handful of doozies that more than make up for it

quote:

In the 1960s a world record was set at the hospital when a patient named Angus Barbieri spent 382 days between June 1965 and July 1966 without taking solid food. Barbieri survived by taking tea, coffee and soda water as well as vitamins.[6][7] During that period, his weight declined from 214 to 80.74 kilograms (33 st 9.8 lb to 12 st 10.0 lb; 471.8 to 178.0 lb).[8]

SniperWoreConverse posted:

Wait isn't there ANOTHER update where she starts to get pissed off about the whole thing, or am I misremebering

KomodoWagon posted:

Hahaha yes let's help the wife beater jew his battered spouse out of money she's entitled to, well done fuckers

KomodoWagon posted:

Hahaha yes let's help the wife beater jew his battered spouse out of money she's entitled to, well done fuckers

KomodoWagon posted:

Beating your wife, while terrible in many ways, is not a form of bigotry.

therattle posted:

Either you're being wilfully obtuse or you don't see a problem with using "jew" like you did. Either way, you're a moron.

quote:

My parents passed away unexpectedly and split things evenly in the will. My brother got the house, I got a roughly equivalent amount in their car, some antique furniture, their small mountain cabin, and a small chunk of money. However, several years before this, my brother and my dad had a huge falling out. It was over a failed business and my dad claimed he would never trust my brother with money again. My mom tried to keep things together, which is where the "split things evenly" came from. But there's a catch.

After the falling out my dad showed me where he hid almost $60,000 inside the house. He never told mom, and specifically told me that money was never to be touched by my brother. This was to give me a better inheritance without causing a family rift.

The problem is my brother now owns the house, and I'm not in a position financially to buy it from him until I sell the cabin, the car, and the furniture. That's assuming he would even want to sell, while he's told me multiple times that this house is a godsend for him and his wife.

The money is hidden in a wall in their living room. I can't just go in there, tear open the wall, and get it. I am also worried my brother will look into remodeling or something and find the money himself. Money he did not earn and does not deserve. so I realized my only option was to get them to move out and sell me the house, preferably for an extremely cheap price.

I considered secretly filling the house with rats or raccoons or some other pest, but feared he would go digging in the walls to find the source and find the money. Or that the vermin might find the money and make a nest of it. So I did the only thing that makes sense - I started "haunting" the house.

My brother is very very very religious. He truly believes that ghosts exist, are monsters from hell, and that having a ghost in the house spells doom for the family living in it. I have keys to the house, of course. I'll visit a few days on my lunch break and move stuff around. I've hidden some things around the house - a picture of my brother with the eyes scratched out, a tiny statue of a cartoon devil, and a bible that I put on my grill for a few minutes to get the pages nice and burnt up. I also clogged a toilet, unplugged a fridge, and a few other minor annoyances.

I think the money will be mine pretty soon. I am really excited about it and won't miss my relationship with my brother. I think this will make my dad up in heaven smile down on me.

quote:

For the past 8 years, I watched as Obama turned America from a land of prosperity to a hellish nightmare where gangs of blacks have more influence than white businessmen, and where I'm expected to pay for a Greek immigrant to have 50 abortions, meanwhile I can barely keep my head afloat and have to live with my parents.

So I started training. I have become a master of the blade and the bow, weapons that will be in high demand when the grid goes down.

The cyber attack Friday showed me that I was making the right decision with my life. All of a sudden, dozens of companies couldn't go online.. Imagine that hitting every company. Supply chains go down. The only food is what you can find yourself. Police are gone, and your only protection is yourself.

I won't save you. While you've been out drinking beer and getting fat on capitalism's teat, I've been refining myself and becoming more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

Just remember, when the lights go off, there's one goon who will be surviving and thriving.