Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

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trucutru: Jul 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Foo Diddley posted:

Owns

Also owns. Does anyone have a link to it?

rjmccall posted:

look, it's simple. you have a Happy Burger brand fast food establishment, and sometimes kids come in and want their Happy Burger brand Happy Kiddy Burger, which according to the Happy Burger brand franchise operating instructions is supposed to be 4oz of usda utility grade hamburger lightly grilled and pressed into a poppy seed bun with two slices of mild pickle and a slice of tomato and a piece of iceberg lettuce and the name of the kid written on the top in half an ounce of Happy Burger brand special sauce about which the less said the better

so naturally what you do is, you post an ad saying, cooks wanted, please bring your own grill and meat and bun and pickle and tomato and lettuce, we'll supply the sauce

and you get an applicant, and you send him down to the Hall of Cooks, which is a featureless infinite plane that you keep in the unlit basement of your Happy Burger brand fast food establishment. and you tell him to just keep making burgers and handing them up, and if he hands up a burger that satisfies your standards, you'll pay him a bonus, which is $100,000, plus the price of the burger, which is $.50

now the cook can't see too good down there, and he keeps handing up burgers that are more like pickly meatballs with a swastika painted on the side in tomato sauce, but as long as the meat's cooked the health department won't shut you down, so you keep taking them and dutifully handing down briefcases of cash with a few quarters tossed in. and the cook's pretty happy, even after you summarily declare one day that you're only going to pay $50,000 per burger in the future

so the cook calls in a friend, and she sets up in the Hall of Cooks and starts handing up burgers, and now you're getting acceptable burgers faster than you can sell them. so you raise your standards a bit, and you insist that burgers have to be on a bun, and that cuts production back down to a manageable rate. but the cooks are still pretty happy, even after you cut the burger bonus again to $25,000

this goes on for a while, and now you've got a hundred cooks down there, and you've started demanding that they spell out the kid's name correctly, and that's not easy. so now they're not just making burgers to your increasingly exact specifications, they're racing each other to be the first to get the kid's name right. but you're still paying $5,000 a burger, and apparently the cooks are still happy, because more and more keep showing up

you get curious one day while you're squeezing into your franchise past the giant mountain of rotting discarded hamburgers, and you head down to the Hall of Cooks. the last time you came down here, there were only six cooks, and they were just standing around in a disorganized circle; but now they're organized into these large groups. in one of them, you find your first cook, and he shakes your hand. "remember when we'd just started out and i was lumping up store meat by hand and cooking it on that tiny old george foreman?", he laughs. "that was before figured out cookie cutters and rolling pins." he's standing at a huge professional-grade charbroiler with twenty-four different patties arranged on it; suddenly, in a single efficient flash of movement, he flips them all over. of course, the dull glow of the grill isn't enough in the utter blackness of the Hall, and most of the patties end up on the ground, which you suddenly realize is a lot spongier than it's supposed to be. also, doesn't the ceiling seem lower? you shake it off and head back upstairs to start taking orders, wondering when it'll be the right time to cut the bonus to $1,000

it's been another year. there are tens of thousands of cooks in your basement. you're rejecting burgers for sloppy handwriting. you're rejecting burgers for having too thick a slice of tomato. you're rejecting burgers for excessively clustered poppy seeds. seven months ago, the cooks started building floor-to-ceiling ovens with internal robotics custom-designed for making Happy Kiddy Burgers; now there are whole fields of them, each making ten thousand burgers a second. of course, it's still pitch-dark down there, and the cooks aren't exactly susan calvin, so almost all of those burgers get added straight to the end of the Great Greasy Mountains, but it's amazing how quick they come now. you overhear a few of the cooks talking excitedly about the orders they just placed for massive new ovens from Barbecue Labs. you don't know how any of them can afford this when the burger bonus is only $100

three months ago, you politely asked whether they could start making the adult Happy Burgers, too

for an entire day, all the burgers had your name written on top in poison

# ? May 18, 2017 06:17

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# ? May 31, 2024 19:24

Einbauschrank: Nov 5, 2009

Sappo569 posted:

Picture of health, remember that's what his doctor told him

An apple pastry a day keeps the doctor away?

# ? May 18, 2017 06:22

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

Foo Diddley posted:

To be fair, that last picture is photoshopped (she actually brought in a rack of ribs)

Here's some not photoshops.

What gets me is that he's my age, and is infected with a younger person's desire to put everything on the internet.

And it also proves that he's not working on anything important, because he'd post that too, if he was.

Or maybe there just isn't anything to leak?

# ? May 18, 2017 06:42

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Jobbo_Fett posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3U123TmDcg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plwBJvrthic

Downloaded both vids as backups incase those two youtube accounts are suddenly hit with "Spam" reports

But why? Why would anyone steal that? Surely a logo artist could whip up a dozen completely original yet generic sale logos to decorate the displays in a couple workdays. And then they'd all have similar style and look like they belonged together in that shop/franchise. I don't want to undervalue the work artists and graphic designers do, but "text in a circle" is not that complex. I'm pretty sure there are apps that will let you choose a color, shape, font and text and generate those for you.

# ? May 18, 2017 06:44

trucutru: Jul 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

So, before I hit the sack, tonight on "I dream of SC (and crates)"

oh, are you injured? well lucky you I have here this crate!

# ? May 18, 2017 06:46

MedicineHut: Feb 25, 2016

trucutru posted:

So, I was ~~stalking~~ following OSC and found this thing:

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/6bhlnv/can_someone_explain_to_me_why_you_care_when_s42/dhmse95/

This and the bitcoin burger analogy are the best

This post is cool.

MedicineHut fucked around with this message at 06:57 on May 18, 2017

# ? May 18, 2017 06:54

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

trucutru posted:

So, before I hit the sack, tonight on "I dream of SC (and crates)"

oh, are you injured? well lucky you I have here this crate!

Something something Old Man Murray

# ? May 18, 2017 06:55

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Having recently finished actual triple a game Prey, I can say fairly confidently that chasing down drifting items in zero gravity using nipple jets is actually the complete opposite of relaxing.

# ? May 18, 2017 07:25

Roflan: Nov 25, 2007

spacetoaster posted:

Here's some not photoshops.

This is clearly fake as there is a strawberry wedge on one of the doughnuts. Or maybe that one is hers.

# ? May 18, 2017 07:30

Milkfred E. Moore: Aug 27, 2006; 'It's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism.'

Foo Diddley posted:

https://twitter.com/banditloaf/status/791673086173061120

christ, he's going to die before star citizen does

# ? May 18, 2017 08:44

Milkfred E. Moore: Aug 27, 2006; 'It's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism.'

also i released a game in about ten months of development and i'm gonna get paid for it

does this make me more of a game developer than chris roberts

# ? May 18, 2017 08:44

mike12345: Jul 14, 2008; "Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to answer that. It's one of the great mysteries."

Milky Moor posted:

also i released a game in about ten months of development and i'm gonna get paid for it

does this make me more of a game developer than chris roberts

y u hate dream

# ? May 18, 2017 08:53

AP: Jul 12, 2004; One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them; Grimey Drawer

Thread getting weird again.

# ? May 18, 2017 09:09

Zzr: Oct 6, 2016

Milky Moor posted:

also i released a game in about ten months of development and i'm gonna get paid for it

does this make me more of a game developer than chris roberts

That can't be compared. There is no game made by CIG.

# ? May 18, 2017 09:10

AP: Jul 12, 2004; One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them; Grimey Drawer

# ? May 18, 2017 09:14

BobHoward: Feb 13, 2012; The only thing white people deserve is a bullet to their empty skull

XK posted:

Not like that guy could do any of that anyway, and any actual fed who ever did anything like that over some stupid video game would be immediately out of a job. Anyone who has the personal discipline to get a job with power like that, and who has invested timeless effort into getting into that job position, would never be stupid enough to make any kind of threat like that. They would be putting their lifelong hard earned professional life on the line.

My friend, have you ever heard the name of our lord and savior CARL MARK FORCE IV?

the redditor's almost certainly just a dumb kid pretending to be a cop but don't sleep on the unbelievable idiocy potential of fed cops

# ? May 18, 2017 09:30

Mr.PayDay: Jan 2, 2004; life is short - play hard

Milky Moor posted:

also i released a game in about ten months of development and i'm gonna get paid for it

does this make me more of a game developer than chris roberts

EDIT: No.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Somebody fucked around with this message at 01:50 on May 19, 2017

# ? May 18, 2017 10:01

Sillybones: Aug 10, 2013; go away,
spooky skeleton,
go away

Virtual Captain posted:

Reminds me of this beauty.

That story ends how you expect, but not how you should wish.

# ? May 18, 2017 10:16

gamey: May 17, 2009

AP posted:

Thread getting weird again.

I like it weird. Is the "game" out yet? Seriously wtf they're at like $140 million now or something? Truly a sucker is born every minute or something.

# ? May 18, 2017 10:21

Sillybones: Aug 10, 2013; go away,
spooky skeleton,
go away

Daztek posted:

You start with optimization when making a game, don't you know

For physics, yes.

# ? May 18, 2017 10:29

Abuminable: Mar 30, 2017; Now, aside from the Abuminable, business goes on as usual.

gamey posted:

Seriously wtf they're at like $140 million now or something? Truly a sucker is born every minute or something.

By the end of the month, they will hit Derek's visionary threshold of $150 million. Unfortunately, Derek was overoptimistic: they still need $150 million more to complete both games.

# ? May 18, 2017 10:53

Zzr: Oct 6, 2016

Abuminable posted:

By the end of the month, they will hit Derek's visionary threshold of $150 million. Unfortunately, Derek was overoptimistic: they still need $150 million more to complete both games.

Dr. Smart had too much faith in Chris Roberts.

# ? May 18, 2017 10:56

Abuminable: Mar 30, 2017; Now, aside from the Abuminable, business goes on as usual.

Zzr posted:

Dr. Smart had too much faith in Chris Roberts.

I think Derek had a prophecy revealed to him, but he misunderstood its meaning! He thought $150 million would be what CIG would require to complete the games. Instead, the $150 million in pledges marks the dawn of the summer of CIG's demise.

# ? May 18, 2017 11:10

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

BobHoward posted:

My friend, have you ever heard the name of our lord and savior CARL MARK FORCE IV?

the redditor's almost certainly just a dumb kid pretending to be a cop but don't sleep on the unbelievable idiocy potential of fed cops

CARL MARK FORCE IV might be the exception that proves the rule because he was A: caught, B: caught trying to scam an even dumber motherfucker for millions in bitcoin. If you're gonna be corrupt, you're probably going to do so over something like taking hundreds of thousands of dollars of "untraceable" cryptocurrency from a gargantuan idiot ordering a hit on a fictitious person.

Not threatening some guy on reddit talking poo poo about a game you preordered.

# ? May 18, 2017 11:15

Tippis: Mar 21, 2008; It's yet another day in the wasteland.

AP posted:

Thread getting weird again.

Excellent. Everything is back to its regular schedule after this haunting jaunt into normality.

# ? May 18, 2017 11:42

Tijuana Bibliophile: Dec 30, 2008; Scratchmo

Tippis posted:

Excellent. Everything is back to its regular schedule after this haunting jaunt into normality.

I mean Trump sucks a lot of my internet ghost wandering time these days, there's only so much of it left for the thread

to suck

# ? May 18, 2017 11:57

Hobold: Jan 10, 2012; I love my Cutlass
I love big stompy mechs
I love my HOTAS
I love to salvage wrecks
I love Star Citizen, and all it's craziness
GOONDEYADA, GOONDEYADA, GOONDEYADA; College Slice

Roflan posted:

This is clearly fake as there is a strawberry wedge on one of the doughnuts. Or maybe that one is hers.

It has to be because they stacked them. Who would have the audacity to stack donuts. My word, this is a tragedy.

# ? May 18, 2017 12:24

Zzr: Oct 6, 2016

Thread is at the lowest when americans write about food.

# ? May 18, 2017 12:24

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

You guys.

Putting a strawberry on top of your donut is not a mysterious and uncharacteristic healthy decision. Like, sure it's a great accessory fruit, but it's still basically nothing but water and sugar.

# ? May 18, 2017 12:41

Brazilianpeanutwar: Aug 27, 2015; Spent my walletfull, on a jpeg, desolate, will croberts make a whale of me yet?

We need a northern food derail, tater ash, blackpool fish and chips, egg chips and beans. chips with chips and spam.

# ? May 18, 2017 12:44

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

TheLastRoboKy posted:

Out there some dude who is still convinced food talk is code for operations related to bringing down Star Citizen is staring at a wall trying to figure out what blue cheese taco time meant.

This is an important point to remember when dealing with redditors - they absolutely thought the food chat was code for our super secret plan to destroy Star Citizen.

Also they still believe 100% of the refunds in the refunds subreddit were faked by nawledgelambo :laffo:

TheAgent posted:

jesus christ destroy all life everywhere forever gently caress

I really want to get some Hercules Beetle larvae but they can be expensive and all the cool ones are illegal to import.

# ? May 18, 2017 12:53

BENGHAZI 2: Oct 13, 2007; by Cyrano4747

kw0134 posted:

CARL MARK FORCE IV might be the exception that proves the rule because he was A: caught, B: caught trying to scam an even dumber motherfucker for millions in bitcoin. If you're gonna be corrupt, you're probably going to do so over something like taking hundreds of thousands of dollars of "untraceable" cryptocurrency from a gargantuan idiot ordering a hit on a fictitious person.

Not threatening some guy on reddit talking poo poo about a game you preordered.

The best part is still Carl Mark Force IV pretending to be a hitman and taking a job to kill himself

# ? May 18, 2017 12:55

Dementropy: Aug 23, 2010

# ? May 18, 2017 12:56

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

BENGHAZI 2 posted:

The best part is still Carl Mark Force IV pretending to be a hitman and taking a job to kill himself

While a classic Carl Mark Force IV move, I personally think the best one is where he accidentally signed 'Carl' at the bottom of a PM to the guy his entire operation is supposed to expose then hours later when he realised what he'd done sending another one saying "whoops, my name is Carla - I have lots of boyfriends and girlfriends

# ? May 18, 2017 13:05

fuctifino: Jun 11, 2001

https://twitter.com/GhandiSardiner/status/865176018604224513

# ? May 18, 2017 13:05

BENGHAZI 2: Oct 13, 2007; by Cyrano4747

Ghostlight posted:

While a classic Carl Mark Force IV move, I personally think the best one is where he accidentally signed 'Carl' at the bottom of a PM to the guy his entire operation is supposed to expose then hours later when he realised what he'd done sending another one saying "whoops, my name is Carla - I have lots of boyfriends and girlfriends "

Big fan of the photo he had his daughter take of him wearing a hoodie and an eye patch too

# ? May 18, 2017 13:05

Milkfred E. Moore: Aug 27, 2006; 'It's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism.'

Mr.PayDay posted:

EDIT: No.

I knew the problem was actually releasing something

Somebody fucked around with this message at 01:50 on May 19, 2017

# ? May 18, 2017 13:13

Guy DeBorgore: Apr 6, 1994; Catnip is the opiate of the masses; Soiled Meat

So I just remembered that they sold a concept "News Van" so people could fulfill their dreams of being a Space Journalist , because of COURSE there'll be mechanics to support that

Does anyone know how much this beauty cost?https://robertsspaceindustries.com/pledge/ships/reliant/Reliant-Mako-News-Van

# ? May 18, 2017 13:27

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Guy DeBorgore posted:

So I just remembered that they sold a concept "News Van" so people could fulfill their dreams of being a Space Journalist , because of COURSE there'll be mechanics to support that

Does anyone know how much this beauty cost?https://robertsspaceindustries.com/pledge/ships/reliant/Reliant-Mako-News-Van

$85 for the privilege of pretending you're a newscaster covering the lamest space stuff imaginable.

# ? May 18, 2017 13:35

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# ? May 31, 2024 19:24

Mr.PayDay: Jan 2, 2004; life is short - play hard

Milky Moor posted:

I knew the problem was actually releasing something

No!
"The" problem, you FUD spraying Goon, is your lack of

# ? May 18, 2017 13:37

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