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I wish my landlord had that much face. 
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May 18, 2017 16:25
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A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.' An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste." Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth." Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene." Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20." The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money. Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything." Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth." Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste." Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20." The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100. Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all." Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100." Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!" Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
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May 18, 2017 16:30
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Sounds like a parable about american politics
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May 18, 2017 16:33
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big time bisexual posted:when unstoppable face meets a semi-immovable object I'm the knockoff Mario toy
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May 18, 2017 16:44
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Speleothing posted:I'm the knockoff Mario toy My wife saw this scenario unfold when she was coming back from her university.  It was obvious that one vehicle had just travelled through a 50m alleyway, and was 0.5 seconds from getting out onto the street, while the other vehicle wasn't even fully in the alleyway. Obviously this resulted in a 5 minute screaming match until another driver (who was blocked by the rear end in a top hat half in the alley), pushed the guy's car back six feet, and the other guy's car out of the alley while the two of them were still screaming. His efforts were for naught, since neither of them even noticed, and when it was pointed out to them that the jam had been fixed, neither of them would walk away from the screaming match, so neither of their cars were going to be getting out of the way any time soon. Eventually the driver who was trying to diffuse the situation just pushed both of them into the alley, then had to nudge people with his bumper since at this point there were over 300 spectators in the street watching this unfold.
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May 18, 2017 17:11
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Blistex posted:My wife saw this scenario unfold when she was coming back from her university. China very peaceful and harmonious, do u know?
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May 18, 2017 17:57
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The important thing is that nobody lost any face.
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May 18, 2017 18:02
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you know a china.mp4 is going to be good when it has ten different watermarks https://my.mixtape.moe/sdnxvn.mp4
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May 18, 2017 18:50
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big time bisexual posted:you know a china.mp4 is going to be good when it has ten different watermarks aw man I expected the lady to run out from an alleyway nd catch up to the guy again in those last 30 seconds ala john wick
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May 18, 2017 19:14
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I am the cop that doesn't do anything.
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May 18, 2017 19:49
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Speaking of Youtubers, does anyone here follow serpentza? He's a [white] South African guy who lives in China and does commentary on his cultural observations there. He doesn't go full china.jpg mode, but most of what he says is pretty critical, usually in regards to the rudeness, callousness, and laziness among the general populace. I always expect the comments section to be full of massive butthurt and threats, but I guess the mainlanders just haven't been alerted to him yet. I feel like it's only a matter of time and then he's going to have to go into hiding.
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May 18, 2017 22:01
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oohhboy posted:Taiwan almost had the Bomb. The CIA got one of the main scientist to defect which allowed the US to diplomatically pressure Taiwan to give up. Thats kind of tragic.
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May 18, 2017 23:12
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big time bisexual posted:you know a china.mp4 is going to be good when it has ten different watermarks 碰瓷 lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gK7sX1pxfSQ
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May 18, 2017 23:21
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does the thread have an opinion on China Uncensored, his lame jokes aside? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=user?NTDChinaUncensored?videos
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May 18, 2017 23:49
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In the future you'll be able to mine lead from Chinese cemeteries.
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May 18, 2017 23:56
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ok i feel stupid but can someone explain these to me. is it mental illness, drunkenness, a scam for money, a mixture of these, or is it something else?
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May 18, 2017 23:59
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also, thanks to whoever suggested The Corpse Walker by Liao Yiwu, so far it's really good
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May 19, 2017 00:07
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Wiggles Von Huggins posted:ok i feel stupid but can someone explain these to me. is it mental illness, drunkenness, a scam for money, a mixture of these, or is it something else? 碰瓷 is kind of like traffic racketeering. it's intentionally starting an altercation in an attempt to get money from the other people. i mean sure sometimes it is mental illness or someone is drunk, but straight up running into a car and then demanding tens of thousands of RMB seems to be a way to make a living for some (a small minority, obviously) people. when i was living in tianjin i saw one example of it, i was waiting to cross the road and a guy on a bike blew the red light. the guy who had the right of way tried to swerve out of his way and they ended up banging tires, front to back. these are on motorbikes. the old guy who blew the light fell off the bike, and then grabbed the man and his bike and refused to let him go. a decently big scene happened. it was me and one other old guy who was there watching when it happened. anyway the police showed up and the old man was saying the guy blasted him and he deserved money. the other old guy witness was equally worthless saying the young guy hit the old man. i felt bad for the young guy, he was a delivery guy just following traffic laws. i told the police officer what i saw and the old guy made some comment to the police officer about the foreigner causing a problem. so i just watched for a bit. the young guy came over and offered me a cig, i declined. he said "i didn't do anything wrong" and i said "ya i know". anyway the police officer finally came back and brought them together and the young guy had to give the old man 75rmb, about 10 dollars more or less. no hospital trip, no harm done, the old guy was fine, just claimed he had been wronged and called a cop and shouted about it until he got some money. that's kind of how things go when there's an accident. the police show up, find out who is at fault, pick some random number of RMB to give the other party, people argue about it, everyone stands around with their hands behind their backs offering up their opinions periodically, then the money is exchanged and everyone goes on their way. it's bizarre but also really enjoyable to watch, if you don't have a dog in the fight.
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May 19, 2017 00:08
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fQOiA2nn-U
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May 19, 2017 00:14
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SaltyJesus posted:does the thread have an opinion on China Uncensored, his lame jokes aside? His facts are good but he pushes the falun gong stuff a little too hard. Its a real concern but they are one of many many persecuted groups in China not the main one like he makes them out to be. I think his mother in law is heavy into it so there is family pressure probably.
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May 19, 2017 00:19
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they should really be carrying a bucket of pigs blood or something to sell the injury. All these perfectly unhurt people arent very convincing
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May 19, 2017 00:21
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"daddy why didn't you invest in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdPK1v0UxqQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6Adz_arAYE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnI844THpfM
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May 19, 2017 02:26
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It's a lovely name, isn't it? When I hear Belt and Road, I'm thinking of a seat belt initiative, or an automotive safety campaign.
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May 19, 2017 02:35
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Yeeahahhh!!!! 2:13 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fQOiA2nn-U&t=133s lmaooooo that 2nd guy regretted that poo poo sooooooo badly i bet
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May 19, 2017 02:36
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Fauxtool posted:His facts are good but he pushes the falun gong stuff a little too hard. Its a real concern but they are one of many many persecuted groups in China not the main one like he makes them out to be. I think his mother in law is heavy into it so there is family pressure probably.
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May 19, 2017 03:01
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Guy hasn't really been in china for the last 10 years though and most of his sources are flg affiliated but he does spend time in Taiwan
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May 19, 2017 03:10
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Wizchine posted:It's a lovely name, isn't it? When I hear Belt and Road, I'm thinking of a seat belt initiative, or an automotive safety campaign. And the "belt" is the "silk road" of history while the "road" is the "maritime silk road" they are imagining.
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May 19, 2017 03:10
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Tupperwarez posted:Yeah, seconding this. Anything on China Uncensored that's non-Falun Gong related is OK, but if he starts talking about FG, just take it with a hefty dose of salt. Falun Dafa is Good.
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May 19, 2017 03:10
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Wizchine posted:It's a lovely name, isn't it? When I hear Belt and Road, I'm thinking of a seat belt initiative, or an automotive safety campaign. It's a fantastically dumb name but that seems to be a requirement in the PRC.
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May 19, 2017 04:28
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big time bisexual posted:you know a china.mp4 is going to be good when it has ten different watermarks That reminds me of few guys I know in India that bought a cheap bike rickshaw and then used it to ride each other around or haul shopping instead of getting customers. One guy would pedal to the destination, the other guy would pedal back. People in the area considered them assholes because they were hoping to catch the rickshaw for service, but it would just be two guys screwing around and refusing them.
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May 19, 2017 04:44
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It might sound normal in Mandarin, I can't tell. Wouldn't exactly be the first time something sounded nice and snappy in the original but weird when translated.
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May 19, 2017 04:50
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It's 一带一路 in Chinese which literally translates as "One Belt One Road" and sounds okay, I guess. Chinese in general and the Communist Party in particular has a big boner for classifying and listing its philosophies and ideas, like Jiang Zemin's "Three Represents", or more currently Chairman Xi's "Four Comprehensives". It's a bit on the autistic side, but when you consider that the last three presidents of China (and a good chunk of their top leadership) have degrees in engineering it makes a certain kind of sense, I guess.
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May 19, 2017 06:54
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The foreign teachers that took over my middle school classes are being fired because: 1. One of them was sniffing all the students' hands. What the loving poo poo? 2. One of them came up with a fun lesson idea, including explanatory videos, called "How to Kill Your Teacher." Yeah, I'm suddenly okay with having to teach these again. #2 I can kind of understand as being a rookie mistake, but who in the gently caress would ever go around smelling their students?!
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May 19, 2017 07:05
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Known Lecher posted:It's a bit on the autistic side my kinda side
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May 19, 2017 07:07
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Somebody in China really enjoyed Top Gun http://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/18/politics/china-us-jets-intercept/index.html
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May 19, 2017 07:38
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Yeah, I'm suddenly okay with having to teach these again. #2 I can kind of understand as being a rookie mistake, but who in the gently caress would ever go around smelling their students?! Kancho epidemics are serious poo poo, dude.
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May 19, 2017 07:40
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Known Lecher posted:It's 一带一路 in Chinese which literally translates as "One Belt One Road" and sounds okay, I guess. Chinese in general and the Communist Party in particular has a big boner for classifying and listing its philosophies and ideas, like Jiang Zemin's "Three Represents", or more currently Chairman Xi's "Four Comprehensives". These things specifically are because Chinese lacks a generic plural. You have to have a specific number to make a plural. That's why everything is the Four Inventions or Eight Great Sights or whatever.
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May 19, 2017 07:41
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here are my top 3 favorite news stories from my time in china, i'm sure i've posted them time and again on these forums, but in case you missed them, here they are! Chinese teens taking cabbages for walks to get over loneliness Turtle smuggled through Chinese airport security in KFC burger Chinese zoo angers visitors by passing off hairy Tibetan mastiff dog as lion
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May 19, 2017 10:04
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for whatever reason, this is the sentence that always makes me laugh the hardest ""It's way too ironic. Why doesn't the zoo simply just put the zookeeper in a cage with the sign "Gorilla" on its gate," Lanseyapingningliuxunqing added."
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May 19, 2017 10:06
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WarpedNaba posted:Kancho epidemics are serious poo poo, dude. I have thwarted all attempts. Well, all but half of one; he missed the butthole but ended up punching me in the vag as revenge. Cool kid otherwise.
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May 19, 2017 10:13
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