Dumb Marketing Moves: Tell me about Zoos

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Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Wouldn't you be able to tell he's not drunk by speaking with him?

# ? Jun 4, 2017 16:27

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 08:53

TontoCorazon: Aug 18, 2007

Solice Kirsk posted:

Wouldn't you be able to tell he's not drunk by speaking with him?

Dude could be suave as gently caress when drinking.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 16:36

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

That would make him the opposite of belligerent.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 16:41

bongwizzard: May 19, 2005; Then one day I meet a man,
He came to me and said,
"Hard work good and hard work fine,
but first take care of head"; Grimey Drawer

I used to work for a theater next to this Ethiopian restaurant that we all swore was a front. The service and food was terrible and the only customers seem to be a table full of guys sitting by these large picture windows who would give you the stink eye every time you walked in.

Well it turns out a few years later they got rated for selling some African drug whose name I can't remember. I think it was some plant that you chew and it produces a mild stimulant effect. I know when we read about in the paper we had to go look up what the stuff was, despite being lovely little druggies none of us had even heard of it.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 16:47

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Ethiopian food is always terrible. I thought I was going to love it because it's basically thick hearty stews dumped onto sourdough bread that you eat with your hands, and that sounds extremely up my alley. Unfortunately there's some sort of spice that I can't place in almost everything that a don't like and the injera has a texture like a dish sponge and tastes like sourdough mixed with paper towels. I've tried it three times now and the only thing I sort of liked was some goat curry thing.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 16:56

Andorra: Dec 12, 2012

Ziv Zulander posted:

I've always heard that high-end dry cleaners make the best fronts.

Of course dry cleaners are the best places for laundering! :downs:

# ? Jun 4, 2017 17:13

dexter6: Sep 22, 2003

bongwizzard posted:

Well it turns out a few years later they got rated

What was the rating?

# ? Jun 4, 2017 17:22

67 and still making love: Oct 7, 2005; Peek
a
BLARGH

bongwizzard posted:

I used to work for a theater next to this Ethiopian restaurant that we all swore was a front. The service and food was terrible and the only customers seem to be a table full of guys sitting by these large picture windows who would give you the stink eye every time you walked in.

Well it turns out a few years later they got rated for selling some African drug whose name I can't remember. I think it was some plant that you chew and it produces a mild stimulant effect. I know when we read about in the paper we had to go look up what the stuff was, despite being lovely little druggies none of us had even heard of it.

That's Khat

# ? Jun 4, 2017 17:23

SHY NUDIST GRRL: Feb 15, 2011; Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.

My brother loves Ethopian food, but my step sister was in the peace corps and never wants to think of those two words together ever again.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 17:38

mandatory lesbian: Dec 18, 2012

Andorra posted:

Of course dry cleaners are the best places for laundering!

i'm pretty sure it's where the term comes from, I mean it'd make sense

bongwizzard posted:

I used to work for a theater next to this Ethiopian restaurant that we all swore was a front. The service and food was terrible and the only customers seem to be a table full of guys sitting by these large picture windows who would give you the stink eye every time you walked in.

I love Ethiopian Food but all the restaurants I've been to have the guys sitting around like that, I think it's a cultural thing. Or maybe they're all just family eatin' out, i'm not gonna like ask ya know

# ? Jun 4, 2017 17:47

Tiny Brontosaurus: Aug 1, 2013; by Lowtax

Red Metal posted:

was the bagel at least cut in two

Cut in four, horizontally like you'd expect, and then vertically like you would not expect.

My Lovely Horse posted:

Followup: did they give you a knife

No, and when I went back in to ask for one (slow learner, me), the lady gave me a glazed donut.

mandatory lesbian posted:

i'm pretty sure it's where the term comes from, I mean it'd make sense

The term is quite a bit older than dry cleaning. The etymology's just the obvious - launder "dirty" money to make it "clean."

# ? Jun 4, 2017 18:32

Ibblebibble: Nov 12, 2013

Solice Kirsk posted:

Ethiopian food is always terrible. I thought I was going to love it because it's basically thick hearty stews dumped onto sourdough bread that you eat with your hands, and that sounds extremely up my alley. Unfortunately there's some sort of spice that I can't place in almost everything that a don't like and the injera has a texture like a dish sponge and tastes like sourdough mixed with paper towels. I've tried it three times now and the only thing I sort of liked was some goat curry thing.

I'm willing to knife fight you over this.

It helps that the nice lady running my favourite Ethiopian restaurant likes to give me bigger portions.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 18:33

mandatory lesbian: Dec 18, 2012

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

The term is quite a bit older than dry cleaning. The etymology's just the obvious - launder "dirty" money to make it "clean."

duh, that makes more sense, obviously doing laundry is older then dry cleaning. i'm a dolt

# ? Jun 4, 2017 18:35

WrenP-Complete: Jul 27, 2012

67 and still making love posted:

That's Khat

Though spelled qat for Scrabble!

# ? Jun 4, 2017 18:39

bongwizzard: May 19, 2005; Then one day I meet a man,
He came to me and said,
"Hard work good and hard work fine,
but first take care of head"; Grimey Drawer

67 and still making love posted:

That's Khat

That's it! We were bummed, we had been staying up all night working just with coffee, when a cooler option was just next-door.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 18:41

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; Can't post for 9 days!

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

No, and when I went back in to ask for one (slow learner, me), the lady gave me a glazed donut.

Is this like some kind of bizarre secret menu? Like you ask them to use the restroom and they nod understandably and slide you a specialty corn dog?

# ? Jun 4, 2017 19:31

Tiny Brontosaurus: Aug 1, 2013; by Lowtax

Panfilo posted:

Is this like some kind of bizarre secret menu? Like you ask them to use the restroom and they nod understandably and slide you a specialty corn dog?

You know what, maybe. Everybody pop into your local shady donut place and try it out.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 19:33

stringball: Mar 17, 2009

Panfilo posted:

Is this like some kind of bizarre secret menu? Like you ask them to use the restroom and they nod understandably and slide you a specialty corn dog?

Close, it's actually a specialty carrot: http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/13/us/marijuana-carrots-texas-border-patrol/index.html

Or a meth taco if that's your thing http://www.denverpost.com/2014/09/22/meth-tacos-17-indicted-in-colorado-bust-of-alleged-drug-ring/

# ? Jun 4, 2017 20:44

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; Can't post for 9 days!

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

You know what, maybe. Everybody pop into your local shady donut place and try it out.

"Are their stairs in your donut shop?"
*Receives an exquisite Monte Cristo sandwich*

# ? Jun 4, 2017 20:53

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL: Feb 21, 2006; Holy Moly! DARKSEID IS!

All this talk of restaurant fronts makes me wonder if a front ever accidentally become a legit restaurant, like it turned out someone was legit good at making pizza or tacos or donuts?

# ? Jun 4, 2017 22:10

spookygonk: Apr 3, 2005; Does not give a damn

Chinese restaurant owner admits selling opium-laced noodles to hook customers.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 22:20

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

spookygonk posted:

Chinese restaurant owner admits selling opium-laced noodles to hook customers.

This is the wrong thread. You are looking for Excellent Marketing Moves.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 22:35

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

spookygonk posted:

Chinese restaurant owner admits selling opium-laced noodles to hook customers.

poo poo would have been 100% above board 120 years ago.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 22:47

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Ibblebibble posted:

I'm willing to knife fight you over this.

It helps that the nice lady running my favourite Ethiopian restaurant likes to give me bigger portions.

I wished I liked it too. On paper it always sounds amazing, but I just don't enjoy it. Like when I tried these spicy pork and beef meatballs that were wrapped in bacon, dipped in beer batter, and fried. Sounds fantastic, but I just didn't like it.

# ? Jun 4, 2017 23:04

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

I went to an Ethiopian place once and I liked everything but the injera bread. And eating it with my hands.

# ? Jun 5, 2017 00:50

Raldikuk: Apr 7, 2006; I'm bad with money and I want that meatball!

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

All this talk of restaurant fronts makes me wonder if a front ever accidentally become a legit restaurant, like it turned out someone was legit good at making pizza or tacos or donuts?

It happened to a Vietnamese place that I (and everyone I know) loves. They were even Zagat rated but the owner was busted as a drug kingpin and his restaurant was a front for it. They ended up closing for a bit but reopened.... presumably as a completely legit business.

# ? Jun 5, 2017 02:25

JnnyThndrs: May 29, 2001; HERE ARE THE FUCKING TOWELS

There used to be a fantastic Mexican restaurant in Alameda, California. Oldschool actual authentic, like, the guy started it in his house in 1955. Anybody who lived in Alameda back in the day probably knows which place I'm talking about.

Anyway, you'd often have to wait an hour or so on a weekend to get a table, and it was so packed you had to wait outside. Across the street, there was a Chinese place called 'Bamboo Kitchen'. Never, in 10 years of staring at it, had I or anyone I know seen a living soul go in or out. We all make jokes about money laundering every time we eat. So, about 25 years ago, it burns down. We all figure they torched it to cover up their crooked books and that would be it.

Nope, they completely rebuild it, new electric sign and everything. Still nobody goes in or out. Years pass. It burns down AGAIN. They rebuild it AGAIN.
Now the Mexican place closes, sadly, the 'upscale' fucks don't like real food cooked in lard like God intended, and Bamboo Kitchen is still there. Like 45 years of some kinda scam.

I still wonder what goes on in there.

# ? Jun 5, 2017 02:57

Tiny Brontosaurus: Aug 1, 2013; by Lowtax

Here's a fun one: Republican villain and Bill Maher stooge Ben Sasse wrote a predictably awful book, but the reviews report an unexpected objection. Props to the hero working at Sasse's publisher. :patriot:

# ? Jun 5, 2017 06:04

Garrand: Dec 28, 2012; Rhino, you did this to me!

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

Here's a fun one: Republican villain and Bill Maher stooge Ben Sasse wrote a predictably awful book, but the reviews report an unexpected objection. Props to the hero working at Sasse's publisher.

I have to wonder about the person who made it 2 chapters in before realizing something was wrong.

# ? Jun 5, 2017 06:12

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

Here's a fun one: Republican villain and Bill Maher stooge Ben Sasse wrote a predictably awful book, but the reviews report an unexpected objection. Props to the hero working at Sasse's publisher.

I'm sure whoever did this is fired as hell but god bless their attempt to save these people from themselves.

# ? Jun 5, 2017 06:26

Depressio111117: Oct 18, 2014; A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

All this talk of restaurant fronts makes me wonder if a front ever accidentally become a legit restaurant, like it turned out someone was legit good at making pizza or tacos or donuts?

There's a moderately funny Woody Allen movie called Small Time Crooks with this premise. Worth a couple hours if it's on TV or something.

# ? Jun 5, 2017 06:49

Tiggum: Oct 24, 2007; Your life and your quest end here.

Unctuous Cretin posted:

Pizza shops always look dead because the vast majority of orders are take out (or delivery).

I don't know what pizza shops you're talking about, all the ones I've been to have had customers waiting for pickup orders.

# ? Jun 5, 2017 08:20

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

Panfilo posted:

Is this like some kind of bizarre secret menu? Like you ask them to use the restroom and they nod understandably and slide you a specialty corn dog?

That seems like a good way to have customers pissing in your back alley.

Panfilo posted:

"Are their stairs in your donut shop?"
*Receives a~~n exquisite Monte Cristo sandwich~~ bizarrely conceptualized hot dog*

# ? Jun 5, 2017 08:50

redneck nazgul: Apr 25, 2013

I don't think new and inventive ways to kill MisterBibs are going to be good marketing moves outside of this forum.

# ? Jun 5, 2017 09:58

jojoinnit: Dec 13, 2010; Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

Depressio111117 posted:

There's a moderately funny Woody Allen movie called Small Time Crooks with this premise. Worth a couple hours if it's on TV or something.

Was going to suggest this exact film. I saw it with my dad when I was like 11. It was a cute movie. They start a front making cookies while they tunnel into a bank. Hijinks ensue.

# ? Jun 5, 2017 10:57

hyperhazard: Dec 4, 2011; I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

Here's a fun one: Republican villain and Bill Maher stooge Ben Sasse wrote a predictably awful book, but the reviews report an unexpected objection. Props to the hero working at Sasse's publisher.

Gotta love the poor publishing assistant whose job it is to copy-paste "This review has nothing to do with the contents of this book and is misleading!" on every single negative review.

# ? Jun 7, 2017 03:11