Taiwan Number 1

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Taiwan Number 1

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BONGHITZ: Jan 1, 1970

Be sure to upgrade them to LibreOffice.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 04:48

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# ? May 16, 2024 23:41

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

VideoTapir posted:

A lot of my coworkers and a sister in law asked me to introduce them to foreign men. I didn't know any.

I only knew one and after she obsessively stalked me demanding why he wasn't interested in speaking to her, I lied and told her that he had just realized he's actually gay.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 04:48

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

The Great Autismo! posted:

She brought up this very thing, where she met people in Honolulu and they would ask her where she's from and she'd tell them and they might not know where Vladivostok is, and she'd say "Russia" and they'd be like "Wow, cool! I've always wanted to go to Europe, do you travel a lot there?" and she was like "I live in Asia" and people would look at her like..."What?"

In general, people in Hawaii are weird about where you're from. Because almost nobody is originally from there, and the Asian people are usually very proud about their origins (though younger generation are too into anime and weeaboo poo poo). My mom is native American, my dad a regular white guy. People would ask me "where I am from" meaning my genealogy, and I would tell them. They would have to make the decision that I am hapa, or categorize me as simply white. What I learned as I got older is that most people don't think I am white by looking at me (the eyes and hair), so it would cause extra confusion. The people that would be more interested in European ancestry would be like "oh, cool, German," but the rest would not understand how to classify me. People would usually say something like "Well, I am Japanese, Chinese, Filipino, Hawaiian, Thai, and Irish," but would not take my answer of "Native, and German."

When I am in Asia, regardless of country, people think I am half-East Asian. When I have shown photos of my family to people, I always get asked if my mom is East Asian. When I say "No, she is not Asian, but she's not white," there is more head scratching as to what else could she be. In India I am asked if I am half-Chinese or full-Chinese, in China I am often asked if I am half-Chinese/East-Asian. To most white people I look "white enough" that it's not a usual question (maybe like George Zimmerman supposed to be white, LOL), but to non-white people they see all the differences that don't classify me as regular standard of white. I guess I would fit in really well in Kazakhstan or something.

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

Possible Haier Personal motto? Can we get this translated into latin?

I have tried to match with foreign ladies on Tantan, and about 95% that show up are African women. I would love to go on a date with one, but there are quite a few black and African gents on Tantan that I get passed over by the women in favor of black guys (my conjecture). I matched with a few white girls, usually Russian, but they were weird or definitely in the "I'm not a hooker!!! (yes I am a Russian hooker)" category. One was really nice, though like 15cm taller than me and about 20kg more than me. She was super rich and teaching English illegally in SZ, but she could not understand at all why I didn't fly out of the country every month like her to go to fancy hotels in exotic locations like she did, or lived in some super expensive building and dined out every night. There was such a disconnect from our upbringing and lifestyle that I stopped talking to her and deleted her after a couple months.
I matched with an American girl that was 10 years younger than me, and I sent her a meme instead of saying "Hello" and she unmatched pretty fast. SAD.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 05:09

oohhboy: Jun 8, 2013; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Also she tried to use me as a pimp so she could meet foreign men. She already had a boyfriend. Of course.

How much did she try to pay you?

# ? Jun 8, 2017 05:12

Stringent: Dec 22, 2004; image text goes here

Haier posted:

I matched with an American girl that was 10 years younger than me, and I sent her a meme instead of saying "Hello" and she unmatched pretty fast. SAD.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 05:13

Rugoberta Munchu: Jun 5, 2003; Do you want a hupyrolysege slcorpselong?

big time bisexual posted:

here's the perfect china.mp4 to illustrate this

https://my.mixtape.moe/wljdvv.mp4

处理它

# ? Jun 8, 2017 05:19

LentThem: Aug 31, 2004; 90% Retractible

The big issue with going cashless is that now your ability to pay for meals or taxi after a long day working or being out depends entirely on how much battery your phone has remaining. Nice ending to a 20-minute taxi ride, guess I can't pay you unless I borrow your car charger

# ? Jun 8, 2017 05:50

hakimashou: Jul 15, 2002; Upset Trowel

Haier posted:

In general, people in Hawaii are weird about where you're from. Because almost nobody is originally from there, and the Asian people are usually very proud about their origins (though younger generation are too into anime and weeaboo poo poo). My mom is native American, my dad a regular white guy. People would ask me "where I am from" meaning my genealogy, and I would tell them. They would have to make the decision that I am hapa, or categorize me as simply white. What I learned as I got older is that most people don't think I am white by looking at me (the eyes and hair), so it would cause extra confusion. The people that would be more interested in European ancestry would be like "oh, cool, German," but the rest would not understand how to classify me. People would usually say something like "Well, I am Japanese, Chinese, Filipino, Hawaiian, Thai, and Irish," but would not take my answer of "Native, and German."

When I am in Asia, regardless of country, people think I am half-East Asian. When I have shown photos of my family to people, I always get asked if my mom is East Asian. When I say "No, she is not Asian, but she's not white," there is more head scratching as to what else could she be. In India I am asked if I am half-Chinese or full-Chinese, in China I am often asked if I am half-Chinese/East-Asian. To most white people I look "white enough" that it's not a usual question (maybe like George Zimmerman supposed to be white, LOL), but to non-white people they see all the differences that don't classify me as regular standard of white. I guess I would fit in really well in Kazakhstan or something.

I have tried to match with foreign ladies on Tantan, and about 95% that show up are African women. I would love to go on a date with one, but there are quite a few black and African gents on Tantan that I get passed over by the women in favor of black guys (my conjecture). I matched with a few white girls, usually Russian, but they were weird or definitely in the "I'm not a hooker!!! (yes I am a Russian hooker)" category. One was really nice, though like 15cm taller than me and about 20kg more than me. She was super rich and teaching English illegally in SZ, but she could not understand at all why I didn't fly out of the country every month like her to go to fancy hotels in exotic locations like she did, or lived in some super expensive building and dined out every night. There was such a disconnect from our upbringing and lifestyle that I stopped talking to her and deleted her after a couple months.
I matched with an American girl that was 10 years younger than me, and I sent her a meme instead of saying "Hello" and she unmatched pretty fast. SAD.

I had exactly one experience with russian hookers* in my time in China.

I had gone to Macau with some people for the weekend, it was my first time there, and after dinner and drinks and stuff me and a british guy decided to go to the old Mandarin Oriental to smoke a couple cigars and get cocktails, and one of the chicks wanted to tag along.

The old Mando had a really nice really posh bar, and we were sitting in some chairs around a table getting more and more drunk on scotch or something when we noticed a couple of rich looking young Russian dudes with a couple of very good looking Russian women having drinks at a another table.

The british guy had been to Macau a bunch and was telling us about how the whole city was crawling with every kind of hooker imaginable, from every country in the world, especially eastern europe. The conversation turned to "wow Macau's wild! russian gangsters! russian whores! yada yada yada!" and went on for a while. We were used to being in the mainland where you can be really loud and nobody speaks any English so you can say whatever you want, but I guess we were being a bit too loud.

The Russkies eventually finished up their own revelry and walked past our table to leave. I had my back to the exit and the british guy was sitting across from me. His eyes got big and he was like "mate one of those Russian chicks is coming back over here."

I was like "huh no poo poo?" and before I could turn around I heard in deeply Russian-accented english "No. You wrong. Not whore."

I froze, the limey's eyes got bigger and he froze, we just sat there.

After what seemed like forever, she must have walked off and the spell of shock was broken, and I was like "We need to go, now. Lets get the gently caress out of here those russian gangsters are gonna come back and gently caress us up."

I refused to go back to the Mando that trip.

hakimashou fucked around with this message at 05:58 on Jun 8, 2017

# ? Jun 8, 2017 05:53

VideoTapir: Oct 18, 2005; He'll tire eventually.

Grand Fromage posted:

I had an ongoing battle over OpenOffice because the Koreans at my school and eventually the loving local ministry of education could not accept the concept that free software exists.

This sounds interesting. Please elaborate.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 05:54

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

Goons....

I am going to hotpot tonight.

But only on the premise I dump everything into my pot all at once and make a noodle soup out of it and leave after my soup is eaten.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 05:55

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

I'm amazed they even bothered to pay for Office.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 05:57

hakimashou: Jul 15, 2002; Upset Trowel

Haier posted:

Goons....

I am going to hotpot tonight.

But only on the premise I dump everything into my pot all at once and make a noodle soup out of it and leave after my soup is eaten.

Hot pot makes a fine meal in China, but you should take your time and enjoy it imo.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 05:59

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

hakimashou posted:

I had exactly one experience with russian hookers* in my time in China.

I had gone to Macau with some people for the weekend, it was my first time there, and after dinner and drinks and stuff me and a british guy decided to go to the old Mandarin Oriental to smoke a couple cigars and get cocktails, and one of the chicks wanted to tag along.

The old Mando had a really nice really posh bar, and we were sitting in some chairs around a table getting more and more drunk on scotch or something when we noticed a couple of rich looking young Russian dudes with a couple of very good looking Russian women having drinks at a another table.

The british guy had been to Macau a bunch and was telling us about how the whole city was crawling with every kind of hooker imaginable, from every country in the world, especially eastern europe. The conversation turned to "wow Macau's wild! russian gangsters! russian whores! yada yada yada!" and went on for a while. We were used to being in the mainland where you can be really loud and nobody speaks any English so you can say whatever you want, but I guess we were being a bit too loud.

The Russkies eventually finished up their own revelry and walked past our table to leave. I had my back to the exit and the british guy was sitting across from me. His eyes got big and he was like "mate one of those Russian chicks is coming back over here."

I was like "huh no poo poo?" and before I could turn around I heard in deeply Russian-accented english "No. You wrong. Not whore."

I froze, the limey's eyes got bigger and he froze, we just sat there.

After what seemed like forever, she must have walked off and the spell of shock was broken, and I was like "We need to go, now. Lets get the gently caress out of here those russian gangsters are gonna come back and gently caress us up."

I refused to go back to the Mando that trip.

quote:

I was like "huh no poo poo?" and before I could turn around I heard in deeply Russian-accented english "No. You wrong. Not gangster."

Edit: SEXIST!!!

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:01

VideoTapir: Oct 18, 2005; He'll tire eventually.

Jeez, there are Russian women in East Asia who aren't whores. I mean, I know it may be hard to believe. Sometimes they even go to drinking venues, with guys.

I knew a few of them when I was a student in Japan.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:03

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

Every blond woman in Asia is Russian and every Russian girl is a hooker.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:08

Imperialist Dog: Oct 21, 2008; "I think you could better spend your time on finishing your editing before the deadline today."
\

QED

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:11

Grand Fromage: Jan 30, 2006; L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?

VideoTapir posted:

This sounds interesting. Please elaborate.

It's really not interesting. Korea has their own, awful office suite called HWP which never loving works at all but it's Korean made therefore it is the best program ever written. I refused to use it because it's such a bloated pile of garbage that, again, does not work. Constantly. We didn't have Office so I installed OpenOffice on my work and classroom computers and all is fine, right?

Well, no. First there was the fighting over "it is a virus" and me trying desperately to explain that a program where you type things is not a virus. The computers were infested with malware because Asia, constant popups and BonziBuddy type poo poo is the norm and I don't know how you'd even tell there was a virus on one of those. Anyway, eventually I was able to get through that it wasn't a virus, but my explanation that it's free software didn't fly. Piracy is a very serious offense, you see, and there is no such thing as free software so obviously I stole the OpenOffice.

This continued for months, with them removing the program and me re-installing, again and again. Eventually there was a low level Ministry of Education flunky who came to the school for whatever and delivered a comically poorly translated letter informing me of copyright law in Korea and that by pirating OpenOffice, I was breaking the law and might be deported.

By this point I was near the end of my contract and firing someone from a public school is basically impossible, so I stopped reinstalling it. Therefore I had no access to any of my materials, and spent the next few months doing nothing whatsoever until my time was up.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:12

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

I would have just told them "I have a valid license for the software" and shown them the user agreement or something that looked official but they'd never read or understand, something their little binary bureaucratic brains could understand.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:15

McKilligan: May 13, 2007; Acey Deezy

Grand Fromage posted:

Openoffice jazz

This is me right now - I work in public school, and our regional IT department recently decided that google drive and the rest of the google family of products couldn't be used at school, and blocked them. Back to carting everything on USBs if I need a file at home, which is now coincidentally the only place I can make a decent powerpoint if I need it to do anything more complicated than 'transition to next slide' on click.

And yeah, Hansoft is a massive pile of poo poo that never loving works right. I've got powerpoint viewer installed on all the computers I teach on, because at least THAT much is free and no-one has given me any grief over it yet, but that might change.

McKilligan fucked around with this message at 06:24 on Jun 8, 2017

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:20

Blistex: Oct 30, 2003; Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler

Baronjutter posted:

I would have just told them "I have a valid license for the software" and shown them the user agreement or something that looked official but they'd never read or understand, something their little binary bureaucratic brains could understand.

I would have shown them this link https://www.openoffice.org/why/index.html

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:21

Grand Fromage: Jan 30, 2006; L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?

I tried that and literally everything I could imagine. It was just the "that is impossible" brick wall that you're never, ever getting through.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:22

peanut: Sep 9, 2007

Libre Office doesn't handle the massive Excel files I get for translation assignments well. They also use all kinds of obnoxious Word features like passwords, comments and tracking changes. My next computer will have Real Microsoft Office. Thanks for listening to my computer story.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:27

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Grand Fromage posted:

I tried that and literally everything I could imagine. It was just the "that is impossible" brick wall that you're never, ever getting through.

Can you run it off a USB stick? So have the program on a stick, work on files that and take it with you so noone can delete it.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:36

Grand Fromage: Jan 30, 2006; L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?

Outrail posted:

Can you run it off a USB stick? So have the program on a stick, work on files that and take it with you so noone can delete it.

This was like five years ago, it's not a pressing concern.

They gave me an excuse to do no work and get paid for the last three months of my contract and I took it.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:44

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

How I'm be walking when I board my airplane at the end of summer

http://i.imgur.com/myG7fzk.gifv

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:55

caberham: Mar 18, 2009; by Smythe; Grimey Drawer

I dated a white girl in shenzhen and sometimes in the expat bars or in public I hear old British guys calling her a Russian whore. She wasn't blonde and I regret not walking over to those guys and telling them off.

Kill all middle aged men

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:57

caberham: Mar 18, 2009; by Smythe; Grimey Drawer

As much as I love libre office and GIMP they don't work too well for enterprise situations and commercial printers

# ? Jun 8, 2017 06:57

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

Grand Fromage posted:

It's really not interesting. Korea has their own, awful office suite called HWP which never loving works at all but it's Korean made therefore it is the best program ever written. I refused to use it because it's such a bloated pile of garbage that, again, does not work. Constantly. We didn't have Office so I installed OpenOffice on my work and classroom computers and all is fine, right?

Well, no. First there was the fighting over "it is a virus" and me trying desperately to explain that a program where you type things is not a virus. The computers were infested with malware because Asia, constant popups and BonziBuddy type poo poo is the norm and I don't know how you'd even tell there was a virus on one of those. Anyway, eventually I was able to get through that it wasn't a virus, but my explanation that it's free software didn't fly. Piracy is a very serious offense, you see, and there is no such thing as free software so obviously I stole the OpenOffice.

This continued for months, with them removing the program and me re-installing, again and again. Eventually there was a low level Ministry of Education flunky who came to the school for whatever and delivered a comically poorly translated letter informing me of copyright law in Korea and that by pirating OpenOffice, I was breaking the law and might be deported.

By this point I was near the end of my contract and firing someone from a public school is basically impossible, so I stopped reinstalling it. Therefore I had no access to any of my materials, and spent the next few months doing nothing whatsoever until my time was up.

https://i.giphy.com/3ohze0EF9Azqd2yQjC.webp

# ? Jun 8, 2017 07:10

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

# ? Jun 8, 2017 07:46

His Divine Shadow: Aug 7, 2000; I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do.

Cashless is way faster to pay than cash when the system works, and basically everyone in finland uses it. For small purchases <25�() I can just put my debit card on the reader and it goes beep-boop-paid.

Still I like that cash is available as an option.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 08:14

WarpedNaba: Feb 8, 2012; Being social makes me swell!

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

Do you not have Android/Apple pay in America? I just hold up my phone to the card reader and it beeps and it's done.

But then you can't show off your phone. Where is the face?

# ? Jun 8, 2017 08:16

Imperialist Dog: Oct 21, 2008; "I think you could better spend your time on finishing your editing before the deadline today."
\

Was this already posted? Don't cross the street in Henan

https://twitter.com/ZhangZhulin/status/872693355137961984

# ? Jun 8, 2017 08:25

caberham: Mar 18, 2009; by Smythe; Grimey Drawer

WarpedNaba posted:

But then you can't show off your phone. Where is the face?

It's not 2012. Everyone has a cellphone

# ? Jun 8, 2017 08:25

hakimashou: Jul 15, 2002; Upset Trowel

Man china's changed back in the day you literally had to pay with cash even for expensive poo poo, especially for it.

What is china without the fat stacks of chairman mao hundos?

# ? Jun 8, 2017 08:44

WarpedNaba: Feb 8, 2012; Being social makes me swell!

caberham posted:

It's not 2012. Everyone has a cellphone

Ah, but not everyone has the latest cellphone.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 08:49

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

i just tap my debit card on the machine and if it's less than �25 it'll pay, else i need to enter my PIN. i used to use my phone to do this but half the time the machine didn't accept it. if i still used android i could use my phone as a debit card and also to pay for public transport, that's fun and good imo until someone steals your phone

Imperialist Dog posted:

Was this already posted? Don't cross the street in Henan

https://twitter.com/ZhangZhulin/status/872693355137961984

don't * in henan

vanity slug fucked around with this message at 09:25 on Jun 8, 2017

# ? Jun 8, 2017 09:22

BONGHITZ: Jan 1, 1970

I loudly call women whores in america and no one cares.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 09:34

Wizchine: Sep 17, 2007; Television is the retina
of the mind's eye.

Imperialist Dog posted:

Was this already posted? Don't cross the street in Henan

https://twitter.com/ZhangZhulin/status/872693355137961984

Jesus, what a culture.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 09:36

LentThem: Aug 31, 2004; 90% Retractible

Imperialist Dog posted:

Was this already posted? Don't cross the street in Henan

https://twitter.com/ZhangZhulin/status/872693355137961984

The Great Autismo! posted:

http://m.youku.com/video/id_XMjgxMDE5MjkyOA==.html?spm=a2h3j.8428770.3416059.1&source=

here's a video of a woman getting hit by a car, everyone watching it, everyone walking by her, cars driving around her, until another car comes and runs her over.

if you don't like watching people get hit by cars, maybe don't click on this video

beat you by 8 hours! SUUUUUUUUCK IIIIIIIIT

I'm the piece of poo poo in the bottom left corner at the end of the video that just stands at the curb admiring the scene and contributing nothing

news article estimates "more than 10 cars and 20 pedestrians passed the body without stopping to help" which is hilarious because even with the culture in China of "if I get involved the victim will blame me" most of these guys would be immune because they don't own a car and the victim was clearly hit by one.

Yes the woman is stupid as hell for wandering into traffic ME FIRST ME FIRST, but that doesnt excuse 2-dozen people within arms-length not stopping to go "hey are you okay?" or attempt to slow/warn traffic for a few minutes

LentThem fucked around with this message at 09:44 on Jun 8, 2017

# ? Jun 8, 2017 09:40

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# ? May 16, 2024 23:41

WarpedNaba: Feb 8, 2012; Being social makes me swell!

If it's any consolation, she isn't 2 years old.

# ? Jun 8, 2017 09:42

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Taiwan Number 1

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