Taiwan Number 1

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Taiwan Number 1

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

Y'all talmbout I need to learn how to read "durian" in Chinese because I must have missed the part on the package where it said durian, but it's not just me. It is thing that don't put it on the package. This just happened to a friend of mine, who is Chinese, and bought some cream puffs:

VIN
DI
CAT
ED

# ? Jun 13, 2017 12:15

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# ? May 16, 2024 09:45

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

Haier posted:

This is Chaoshan Girl's job, and she only takes foreign customers. The Chaoshan community own much of the factories that produce the electronic crap, and are most of the people in the electronics markets. If anyone has been to Huaqiang Bei and noticed those big tour buses that are always coming and going, or parked on side streets, those are fleets of Chaoshan buses that shuttle the workers/sellers back and forth daily, as many don't even live in Shenzhen. That's a 3-4 hour bus ride each way, and I believe they don't have toilets installed.

Anyway, she has to regularly go to factories, often run by friend of a friend of a friend, or classmates, etc., and deal with the assholes. They force her to sit there and do their traditional tea ceremony every time, and many times won't even give her a quote on what she needs until after she's left. Even if she calls or emails about a quote, which is all she wants, they still try to force her to go in person so they can assess how much money they can squeeze out of her clients. When she goes in person to check samples or products, they lie to her face about everything. She's found that when there is a problem, it's better to just go to the factory and see them in person because it freaks them out to be caught off guard, and Face comes into play.

They don't care cheat her even if they know her family or other personal reason. They do this anyone that buys from them. They constantly do the "oops, we didn't mean to make 3/4s of the product using old things we had laying around instead of what you asked for and we said we would deliver." They will screw anyone over because there are so many people coming to buy that the idea of "reputation" and "repeat business" is an alien concept and unnecessary to plan for, because even if the business shuts down they have already cheated people out of so much money that they own 4-5 houses and don't care.
She constantly juggles companies and has yet to find one that was even remotely tolerable for the final product, with most products needing to hire more people to do tweaking/cutting/connecting after receiving them.
Recently she went to a factory multiple times with the product sheets, to make some sensors that fit into plastic cases she already made. The sample was fine, but the final product was like 1cm bigger than the case it was supposed to fit into, meaning it couldn't fit and it was useless. The factory owner was like "Well, if you pay me extra we can fix this problem and get them to fit." She told him to gently caress off and fix it for free since he hosed up and he already had the money. Since he already had the money, he didn't care or have to do anything, but he got his workers to cut the product down so it could fit into the case. We don't know how they did it, but they cut through the batteries in most of the pieces and then shittily glued them into the case to hide it. This is like regular, normal stuff for what she has to deal with, because this is China.

The building her office is in is about 90% Chaoshan people, according to her, and she showed me this box they all stop in front of. I looked at it and I was like "A dragon?" and she said "no, look below that." It was a photo of some money. I asked why. She said they pray to and worship this money every day, hoping they can get more money, and they bring cakes, fruit, incense, and more to please this photo of money. I LOLed that these people are so utterly obsessed with money, but are some of the biggest dumbfucks when it comes to having what might be considered a successful or "good" business.
She just wants to have a sustainable business with a good reputation among foreigners, who will do repeat orders with her, but her own people are making it so hard for her that she often wants to move to another province and do boring office work and never meet her family or Chaoshan people again. She earns a lot more than I thought, can already buy her own house with cash, and is only 23. Since Chaoshan women are not supposed to be educated or work outside after marriage, her mom constantly whines to her friends that she regrets sending her daughter to university because she saves her money and doesn't give it all to her like other unmarried girls.

Are they loving Ferengi?

e: I love durian and dislike doughnuts :confused:

# ? Jun 13, 2017 12:18

Grand Fromage: Jan 30, 2006; L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?

I have also had Accidental Durian, though not nearly as often as Accidental Red Bean in my early days. Now I just assume literally everything with a filling is red bean and this is correct 90% of the time.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 12:22

curufinor: Apr 4, 2016; by Smythe

Adzuki bean prepared right is p. good
Adzuki bean prepared wrong induces a wish for swift death
(get it in Good China or Korea or Japan)
(it's not for everyone, ok, that's true)

# ? Jun 13, 2017 12:29

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

red beans are good, durian is good, ya'll are bad

# ? Jun 13, 2017 12:32

Grand Fromage: Jan 30, 2006; L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?

Red beans are not good when you are expecting a mouthful of chocolate or pork.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 12:43

peanut: Sep 9, 2007

Jeoh posted:

i think he meant the old hanbok style

nws: http://i.imgur.com/337HEpU.jpg

Yes and here it is, rehosted on the SA cloud!!

Spoiler: national geographic titties

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Jun 13, 2017 12:54

Stringent: Dec 22, 2004; image text goes here

Jeoh posted:

red beans are good, durian is good, ya'll are bad

It's "y'all", outlander.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 12:59

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

Stringent posted:

It's "y'all", outlander.

y'a'l'l'

# ? Jun 13, 2017 13:16

big time bisexual: Oct 16, 2002; Cool Party

https://my.mixtape.moe/pukgsd.mp4

# ? Jun 13, 2017 13:22

The Great Autismo!: Mar 3, 2007; by Fluffdaddy

Jeoh posted:

red beans are good, durian is good, ya'll are bad

the gently caress is wrong with u

# ? Jun 13, 2017 13:29

MisterOblivious: Mar 17, 2010; by sebmojo

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Are they loving Ferengi?

e: I love durian and dislike doughnuts

Nope, a Ferengi honors contacts with other Ferengi

Rule of Aqusition 17

"A contract is a contract is a contract (but only between Ferengi)."

# ? Jun 13, 2017 13:47

VideoTapir: Oct 18, 2005; He'll tire eventually.

curufinor posted:

Fun little fact on filial piety: it's got a part for the young person to play and it's got a part for the old person to play and since about 1990, most of the old fuckers who run korea have basically gone "lol fygm" to the part for the old person

This would be my assessment of my korean ex gf's family.

My Chinese wife's dad flirts with it as well, and her uncles are worse. (Her dad beats them all for misogyny though.)

# ? Jun 13, 2017 14:36

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

https://www.fbi.gov/wanted/cyber/wang-dong

# ? Jun 13, 2017 14:37

Murray Mantoinette: Jun 11, 2005; ＴＨＥＰＯＳＴＳＭＵＳＴＦＬＯＷ; Clapping Larry

Chiming in to say durian is fantastic and Singapore/Malaysia has the best stuff anywhere outside of maybe Thailand and I'd eat it daily if it didn't smell like sweetened bacteria and didn't cost so loving much. It's so good, like a really sweet onion-flavored ice cream or something.

e: oh yeah accidental durian is a tragedy though.

Murray Mantoinette fucked around with this message at 14:47 on Jun 13, 2017

# ? Jun 13, 2017 14:42

VideoTapir: Oct 18, 2005; He'll tire eventually.

curufinor posted:

Adzuki bean prepared right is p. good
Adzuki bean prepared wrong induces a wish for swift death
(get it in Good China or Korea or Japan)
(it's not for everyone, ok, that's true)

gently caress Japanese azuki. In Japan, if something has it, its got a poo poo ton of it. Like there'll be a millimeter of mochi wrapped around a golf ball sized lump of azuki.

Even China does better than that. Taiwan and Korea get it right.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 14:43

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://www.fbi.gov/wanted/cyber/wang-dong

Aliases:
Jack Wang, "UglyGorilla"

My sides.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 14:50

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

big time bisexual posted:

https://my.mixtape.moe/pukgsd.mp4

I can never get enough of Chinese traffic cams

# ? Jun 13, 2017 14:51

Brutal Garcon: Nov 2, 2014

I don't like the taste of durian, but have no strong opinion on the smell, which is apparently the opposite of what it's meant to be...

# ? Jun 13, 2017 15:06

Blistex: Oct 30, 2003; Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Are they loving Ferengi?

We've been over this before. The consensus is that Ferengi are orders of magnitude more honest and trustworthy than Chinese businessmen, and have a more liberal/forward thinking view when it comes to the roles and treatment of :females:

. Also the Ferengi usually have better dental hygiene and stick fewer things in their ear canals while out in public.

JaucheCharly posted:

I think I just had a minor stroke.

So did the Korean press.

She was a no-name actress, showed up in that dress, got 24/7 coverage for a month, did a film with a bunch of nudity, then was never heard of again.

Blistex fucked around with this message at 05:20 on Jun 14, 2017

# ? Jun 13, 2017 15:08

Slim Jim Pickens: Jan 16, 2012

Smart girls cheat the retarded systems they live under.

Blistex posted:

Not so old, just 2012

Anyways I'm also a fiery retard.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 17:34

kimcicle: Feb 23, 2003

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

oppa

hajimaaaaa

oppaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

hajimaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

*hits you with purse*

hajimaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I doing this right?

Goddamnit this post gave me PTSD.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 18:04

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

https://gfycat.com/EquatorialVigorousAardwolf

# ? Jun 13, 2017 18:40

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

I had a nice walk to work today.

A tour bus pulls up where I usually don't see them, it was in front of a sort of historic church I guess. The door opens up and an old chinese guy pushes his way down to be FIRST out. What does he do? He stops immediately a step out of the bus, looks around, puts his hand up to his nose, deep breath, and shoots a silly-string like streamer of snot out then spits. I'm a huge baby and poo poo like that grosses me out so I gagged a little. Then he horks something up, once again right into the middle of the nice clean church sidewalk. At this point the people on the stairs behind him are trying to push around him so he slowly slowly walks off, one hand behind his back, the other sheltering his eyes from the cruel sun. He then lets out a small but loud fart. As I escaped I could hear a symphony of spitting and nose blowing behind me as the bus disgorged its cargo.

I have a huge pet-peeve for public spitting and think it should be heavily fined for being disgusting and leaving puddles of mucus on the sidewalk.

Baronjutter fucked around with this message at 19:08 on Jun 13, 2017

# ? Jun 13, 2017 19:02

McGavin: Sep 18, 2012

Haier posted:

https://gfycat.com/EquatorialVigorousAardwolf

I'm the grass stuffed in his ears.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 19:08

Darkest Auer: Dec 30, 2006; They're silly; Ramrod XTreme

Baronjutter posted:

I had a nice walk to work today.

A tour bus pulls up where I usually don't see them, it was in front of a sort of historic church I guess. The door opens up and an old chinese guy pushes his way down to be FIRST out. What does he do? He stops immediately a step out of the bus, looks around, puts his hand up to his nose, deep breath, and shoots a silly-string like streamer of snot out then spits. I'm a huge baby and poo poo like that grosses me out so I gagged a little. Then he horks something up, once again right into the middle of the nice clean church sidewalk. At this point the people on the stairs behind him are trying to push around him so he slowly slowly walks off, one hand behind his back, the other sheltering his eyes from the cruel sun. He then lets out a small but loud fart. As I escaped I could hear a symphony of spitting and nose blowing behind me as the bus disgorged its cargo.

That man is basically responsible for the education and raising up of the Chinese 2010s generation. GREAT POWER STATUS BY 2020!

# ? Jun 13, 2017 19:25

Ichabod Tane: Oct 30, 2005; A most notable
coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.

https://youtu.be/_Ojd0BdtMBY?t=4

Someone post the video of the old man on the train who goes all gwailo gaijin berserker on the Chinese guy who puts his finger in his face

# ? Jun 13, 2017 19:37

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

peanut posted:

Yes and here it is, rehosted on the SA cloud!!

Spoiler: national geographic titties

got my tits out time to chase the dragon

# ? Jun 13, 2017 19:42

Coolguye: Jul 6, 2011; Required by his programming!

Haier posted:

Since Chaoshan women are not supposed to be educated or work outside after marriage, her mom constantly whines to her friends that she regrets sending her daughter to university because she saves her money and doesn't give it all to her like other unmarried girls.

i'm swiftly beginning to understand why she's been a semi-regular fixture in the ongoing odyssey of your dong instead of the star of one chapter

# ? Jun 13, 2017 20:26

Onkel Hedwig: Jun 27, 2007

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPaupb3pdMY

# ? Jun 13, 2017 20:41

Lawrence Gilchrist: Mar 31, 2010

is there an archive of just the stories in this thread?

# ? Jun 13, 2017 21:02

Nanomashoes: Aug 18, 2012

If you guys dont stop posting traditional chinese beauties Renee Chang is gonna register an account.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 21:17

The Great Autismo!: Mar 3, 2007; by Fluffdaddy

Baronjutter posted:

I had a nice walk to work today.

A tour bus pulls up where I usually don't see them, it was in front of a sort of historic church I guess. The door opens up and an old chinese guy pushes his way down to be FIRST out. What does he do? He stops immediately a step out of the bus, looks around, puts his hand up to his nose, deep breath, and shoots a silly-string like streamer of snot out then spits. I'm a huge baby and poo poo like that grosses me out so I gagged a little. Then he horks something up, once again right into the middle of the nice clean church sidewalk. At this point the people on the stairs behind him are trying to push around him so he slowly slowly walks off, one hand behind his back, the other sheltering his eyes from the cruel sun. He then lets out a small but loud fart. As I escaped I could hear a symphony of spitting and nose blowing behind me as the bus disgorged its cargo.

I have a huge pet-peeve for public spitting and think it should be heavily fined for being disgusting and leaving puddles of mucus on the sidewalk.

my suggestion is not to visit china

# ? Jun 13, 2017 21:21

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

The Great Autismo! posted:

my suggestion is not to visit china

I think singapore doesn't go far enough with public spitting, it should be summary execution in urban environments. It's one of my biggest pet peeves and grosses me out. So no, china is not a place I ever intend on willingly visiting.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 21:26

The Great Autismo!: Mar 3, 2007; by Fluffdaddy

i've got great news for the thread, china tied war torn syria 2-2 at a neutral location, so they are not mathematically eliminated from the world cup yet! with two games to go, they are only six points back from football juggernaut Uzbekistan White Wolves, and can still catch them if they win both of their games by a very large amount and Uzbekistan loses their last two games.

catch all the highlights here

the last goal happened in the last few seconds of the game, so enjoy that for lols

full table here

# ? Jun 13, 2017 21:47

The Great Autismo!: Mar 3, 2007; by Fluffdaddy

some follow up: unbelievably, it seems that South Korea lost to Qatar this morning, which is just insane, which means Uzbekistan actually has a pretty good chance of actually jumping South Korea and going to the World Cup. Uzbekistan's next game is against China in Wuhan and if China loses they will be eliminated. if China ties they will be eliminated. so China will need to win.

Uzbekistan has two games left, away at China in Wuhan, and home against South Korea. That last game, South Korea vs Uzbekistan in Tashkent, could be for the automatic bid to the world cup. hot drat that's exciting.

for the rest of Asia, Iran is already in, they have crushed Group A, which consists of the teams we are talking about. Qatar is done, Syria still has a little chance but not likely.

Japan leads Group B with two games to go, and has the last two games against the second and third place teams in the group, Saudi Arabia and Australia. Super exciting. Japan failed to distance themselves last night when they tied Iraq 1-1. Two of Japan, Australia, Saudi Arabia will qualify for the World Cup.

UAE is done (in essence), Iraq will not qualify, and Thailand gets the "lol participation trophy" for making it this far but more or less getting destroyed time and again

# ? Jun 13, 2017 22:01

Im Ready for DEATH: Oct 5, 2016

today I learned that the world cup is going on.

# ? Jun 13, 2017 22:07

The Great Autismo!: Mar 3, 2007; by Fluffdaddy

Im Ready for DEATH posted:

today I learned that the world cup is going on.

qualification for the world cup starts almost as soon as it ends, thus it never really stops. world cup 2014 ended in July, and the first match for the 2018 world cup qualifying was played in march, 2015, in East Timor

# ? Jun 13, 2017 22:15

VideoTapir: Oct 18, 2005; He'll tire eventually.

A bunch of Chinese kids pulled my arm hair when I was there.

This year I had a student, an American, here in America. Emotionally challenged class, I try to cut these kids a lot of slack. But gently caress, by the time he moved away I was well into actively hating that kid.

Once, when he took a break from continually insulting every other student in the room (always with a big poo poo eating grin on his face, right up until one of them hits him, at which time he would cry like a baby), he decided to grab a big handful of my arm hair and YANK as hard as he could. Not in response to anything. We had just been sitting and working quietly together for a while. He just thought it'd be fun to pull my arm hair so hard he left a welt. Looked me right in the eye after he did it, with a big poo poo-eating grin on his face and wiggled his ears. (That's what he'd do whenever he was being an rear end in a top hat. Big smile, ears wiggling.)

Oh yeah and he was a creepy budding sexual predator, too.

What happens to kids like that in China?

# ? Jun 13, 2017 22:15

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# ? May 16, 2024 09:45

The Great Autismo!: Mar 3, 2007; by Fluffdaddy

VideoTapir posted:

A bunch of Chinese kids pulled my arm hair when I was there.

This year I had a student, an American, here in America. Emotionally challenged class, I try to cut these kids a lot of slack. But gently caress, by the time he moved away I was well into actively hating that kid.

Once, when he took a break from continually insulting every other student in the room (always with a big poo poo eating grin on his face, right up until one of them hits him, at which time he would cry like a baby), he decided to grab a big handful of my arm hair and YANK as hard as he could. Not in response to anything. We had just been sitting and working quietly together for a while. He just thought it'd be fun to pull my arm hair so hard he left a welt. Looked me right in the eye after he did it, with a big poo poo-eating grin on his face and wiggled his ears. (That's what he'd do whenever he was being an rear end in a top hat. Big smile, ears wiggling.)

Oh yeah and he was a creepy budding sexual predator, too.

What happens to kids like that in China?

they get four adults to fawn over them and encourage this behavior until the child gets to be 18, in which they send him out into China to be a massive success of a human

# ? Jun 13, 2017 22:23

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