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ThinkTank
Oct 23, 2007

the lament of the ThinkTank

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Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


I desperately want a dev to walkthrough the simulation steps that allow a defenceman to get 49 straight goals without even an accidental secondary assist.

For now I'll just pretend that Murphy is one of the game's most prolific breakaway scorers, and the Leafs constantly run a set play that sees him way up the ice behind the D for a stretch pass.

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

Pleads posted:

I desperately want a dev to walkthrough the simulation steps that allow a defenceman to get 49 straight goals without even an accidental secondary assist.

It's more than 49, going back through the playoffs and into last season.

Also, I'm surprised how many people have more goals than assists. Especially defensemen. Well, it's EA. Not surprised.

ThinkTank
Oct 23, 2007

Hockles posted:

It's more than 49, going back through the playoffs and into last season.

Also, I'm surprised how many people have more goals than assists. Especially defensemen. Well, it's EA. Not surprised.

And yet ThinkTank who seizes up the moment he even hears the word 'pass' has a fairly conventional stat line.

Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


Hockles posted:

Also, I'm surprised how many people have more goals than assists. Especially defensemen. Well, it's EA. Not surprised.
If you put a 5v5 AI game a lot of the goals are those stupid "turned over in the slot, nobody can pick it up, an AI picks it up and shoots it into the net because the goalie literally does not track the loose puck" that results in an unassisted goal.

Just figured the simulation engine would be immune to that sort of nonsense...

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

End of 2021-22 Season Update







NHL Awards
Stanley Cup Champions
Colorado Avalanche

Presidents Trophy (Best Regular Season Record)
St. Louis Blues


Art Ross Trophy (Most Points)
Michael Dal Colle -- New York Islanders

Hart Memorial Trophy (League MVP)
Evgeny Kuznetsov -- Washington Capitals

James Norris Memorial Trophy (Best Defenseman)
Erik Karlsson -- Ottawa Senators

Lady Byng Memorial Trophy (Best Sportsmanship & Gentlemanly Conduct)
Nathan MacKinnon -- Colorado Avalanche

Calder Memorial Trophy (Rookie of the Year)
Quayden Aydin -- Boston Bruins

Conn Smythe Trophy (Playoff MVP)
Coach Hockles -- Colorado Avalanche

Vezina Trophy (Best Goaltender)
Aejix Dundee -- Edmonton Oilers

William M. Jennings Trophy (Goalie(s) on team with fewest Goals Against)
Aejix Dundee -- Edmonton Oilers

Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy (Perserverence, Sportsmanship & Dedication to hockey)
E. Rasanen -- Montreal Canadiens

Frank J. Selke Trophy (Best Defensive Forward)
Connor McDavid -- Edmonton Oilers

Ted Lindsay Award (League MVP as voted by NHLPA)
Evgeny Kuznetsov -- Washington Capitals

Maurice "Rocket" Richard Trophy (Most Goals)
Soup Athanatos -- Colorado Avalanche
Touchdown Thomas -- New York Islanders






AHL Awards
Calder Cup (AHL's Stanley Cup)
Hartford Wolfpack

Macgregor Kilpatrick Trophy (AHL's President's Trophy)
Stockton Heat


John B. Sollenberger Trophy (Most Regular Season Points)
J. Kirkland -- Charlotte Checkers

Les Cunningham Award (League MVP)
J. Kirkland -- Charlotte Checkers

Willie Marshall Award (Most Regular Season Goals)
B. Turakov -- Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins

Dudley "Red" Garrett Memorial Award (Rookie of the Year)
B. Turakov -- Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins

Eddie Shore Award (Best Defenseman)
A. Tursumbayev -- Utica Comets

Aldege "Baz" Bastien Memorial Award (Best Goaltender)
S. Skinner -- Syracuse Crunch

Jack A. Butterfield Trophy (Playoff MVP)
Henrik Lundqvist -- Hartford Wolfpack

Fred T. Hunt Memorial Award (Perserverence, Sportsmanship & Dedication to hockey)
S. Bucet -- Toronto Maple Leafs

Yanick Dupre Memorial Award (Community Involvement)
M. Charlebois -- St. John's Ice Caps

Harry "Hap" Holmes Memorial Award (Goalie(s) on team with fewest Goals Against)
S. Skinner -- Syracuse Crunch




Upcoming Free Agents
BOS - Quayden Aydin (UFA)
BOS - Ewic Windros (UFA)
CHI - Jack Bauer (UFA)
COL - Aunt Jemima (UFA)
COL - Coach Hockles (UFA)
DAL - Anders Potetson (UFA)
DAL - Potatoes O'Bourke (UFA)
DET - Stanley Matthews III (UFA)
EDM - Aejix Dundee (UFA)
LA -- Taro Tsujimoto (UFA)
MTL - Scott Johns (UFA)
NJ -- Ogie Ogilthorpe (UFA)
PHI - Bubba Biscuits (UFA)
PHI - Hugh Jass (UFA)
TB -- Yokozuna (UFA)
TOR - Aldrig Glomma (UFA)
TOR - Gord Murphy (UFA)
VAN - Southie Paux (UFA)
VAN - Kaido Hoovelson (UFA)
WSH - Puck Sonette (UFA)
WPG - Mulkku Paskiainen (UFA)




Comments
The Big 3 bring a Cup to Colorado.
Dundee gets all the goalie trophies
Hockles was clutch in the Playoffs and gets the Conn Smythe
Aydin does win the Calder
21 of the 35 players are expiring this offseason... will they all re-sign with the same team?
Is there enough money to go around?



http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2017 for complete stats

corn on the cop
Oct 12, 2012

Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

― Corey Dostoyevsky
congratulations to henrik lundqvist on his first cup

Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


Please Gord, go somewhere people will pot your rebounds and not get swept by loving Boston.

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

2022 Offseason News

Notable Retirements
Alex Ovechkin
Blake Wheeler
Shea Weber
Patric Hornqvist
Ryan Kesler
Ryan Suter
Brandon Dubinsky
Dustin Byfuglien
Mats Zuccarello
Henrik Lundqvist
Jonathan Quick
Corey Crawford
Full Lists: http://imgur.com/a/1nJLi -- http://imgur.com/a/YLELf -- http://imgur.com/a/AxMnk


Transaction News
6/23/22
EDM gets: TJ Oshie & Trevor Lewis
LA gets: Cam Talbot & Lars Ledin

ARZ gets: Seth Vigilante & Robert Josefsson
COL gets: Niklas Hjalmarsson

COL gets: Matt Niskanen
WSH gets: R. Patterson, K. Hayes, & G. Dufresne


BOS - re-signed Quayden Aydin to a $29.5mil/4yr contract
BOS - re-signed Ewic Windros to a $9.7mil/2yr contract
CHI - re-signed Jack Bauer to a $1.0mil/1yr contract
COL - re-signed Aunt Jemima to a $29.6mil/3yr contract
DAL - re-signed Anders Potetson to a $1.5mil/1yr contract
DAL - re-signed Potatoes O'Bourke to a $5.2mil/2yr contract
DET - re-signed Stanley Matthews III to a $1.0mil/1-yr contract
MIN -- re-signed Taro Tsujimoto to a $0.755m/1yr 2-way contract
MTL - re-signed Scott Johns to a $2.2mil/2yr contract
NJ -- re-signed Ogie Ogilthorpe to a $2.2mil/2yr contract
PHI - re-signed Bubba Biscuits to a $2.4mil/2yr contract
PHI - re-signed Hugh Jass to a $5.2mil/2yr contract
TB -- re-signed Yokozuna to a $18.3mil/3yr contract
TOR - re-signed Aldrig Glomma to a $1mil/1yr contract
TOR - re-signed Gord Murphy to a $13.6mil/2yr contract
VAN - re-signed Southie Paux to a $1.0mil/1yr contract
VAN - re-signed Kaido Hoovelson to a $2.2mil/2yr contract
WSH - re-signed Puck Sonette to a $3.7mil/2yr contract
WPG - re-signed Mulkku Paskiainen to a $0.755mil/1yr 2-way contract

CBJ - signed UFA Coach Hockles to a $19.2mil/3yr contract
MIN - signed UFA Aejix Dundee to a $26.4mil/3yr contract

ANA - signed Adam Henrique
NSH - signed Marc-Edouard Vlasic
CHI - signed Sean Couturier
SJ - signed Artemi Panarin
NJ - signed Boone Jenner
LA - signed Logan Couture



2022-23 Opening Night Info
BOS -- Quayden Aydin is a 1st Line FWD
BOS -- Ewic Windros is a 2nd Line FWD
BOS -- Jus Poost is a 1st Line FWD
CAR -- Gord Gordon is a 3rd SCR Line FWD
CHI -- assigned Jeremiah ThinkTank to Rockford in the AHL, his role is Other FWD
CHI -- Jack Bauer is a Depth FWD
COL -- Soup Athanatos is 1st Line FWD
COL -- Aunt Jemima is a 2nd Line FWD
CBJ -- Coach Hockles is a 2nd Line FWD
DAL -- Anders Potetson is a 4th Line FWD
DAL -- Potatoes O'Bourke is a Top 6 DEF
DET -- Stanley Matthews III is a Depth FWD
EDM -- Bavel Bortnik is a Top 2 DEF
FLA -- Bernie Sanders is a 2nd Line FWD
LA -- Floaty McPylon is a Top 4 DEF
MIN -- assigned Taro Tsujimoto to Iowa in the AHL, his role is Other FWD
MIN -- Aejix Dundee is an Elite Goalie
MTL -- assigned Scott Johns to St. John's in the AHL, his role is 4th Line FWD
MTL -- Cruz McBroozer is a 3rd CHK Line FWD
NSH -- Guy Fieri is a Depth FWD
NJ -- assigned Ogie Ogilthorpe III to Albany in the AHL, his role is 4th Line FWD
NJ -- assigned Miracle Johnson to Albany in the AHL, his role is 4th Line FWD
NJ -- Danny Provolone is a Top 6 DEF
NYI -- Nippon Ichi is a 4th Line FWD
NYI -- Touchdown Thomas is a 1st Line FWD
PHI -- assigned Stabby McStabson to Lehigh Valley in the AHL, his role is Depth FWD
PHI -- Bubba Biscuits is a 4th Line FWD
PHI -- Hugh Jass is a Top 4 DEF
TB -- Yokozuna is an Elite Goalie
TOR -- assigned Aldrig Glomma to Toronto in the AHL, his role is 4th Line FWD
TOR -- Gord Murphy is a Top 2 DEF
VAN -- Southie Paux is a 3rd SCR Line FWD
VAN -- Kaido Hoovelson is a Top 6 DEF
WSH -- Puck Sonette is a 3rd CHK Line FWD
WPG -- Mulkku Paskiainen is a Backup Goalie


Comments
Hockles and Dundee find new homes in free agency
Bortnik is on the trading block
Minnesota only has 4 centers in their organization...
Bauer and Hoovelson start the season in the NHL

aunt jenkins
Jan 12, 2001

Oh look, we beat Washington so badly in the cup finals Ovechkin retired in shame. :hfive:

Hockles posted:

COL - re-signed Aunt Jemima to a $29.6mil/3yr contract

Ain't no contract like a "we just won the cup" contract. :homebrew:

Sorry Hockles I took all your money.

But also

Hockles posted:

:eyepop:CBJ :eyepop: - signed UFA Coach Hockles to a $19.2mil/3yr contract

How many reloads did that take

aunt jenkins fucked around with this message at 06:01 on Jun 15, 2017

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

aunt jemima posted:

Sorry Hockles I took all your money.

How many reloads did that take

You did take all the money. Also 0 reloads.

Azure Dementist
Jul 9, 2010

Nightmares and abominations are a girl's best friends


Hockles posted:

[
MTL - re-signed Scott Johns to a $2.2mil/2yr contract

MTL -- assigned Scott Johns to St. John's in the AHL, his role is 4th Line FWD


Good to see that the Habs are run just like real life. But I mean, hey, money is good.

Athanatos
Jun 7, 2006

Est. 1967

Hockles posted:

NHL Awards[/b][/u]
Stanley Cup Champions
Colorado Avalanche


Conn Smythe Trophy (Playoff MVP)
Coach Hockles -- Colorado Avalanche

Maurice "Rocket" Richard Trophy (Most Goals)
Soup Athanatos -- Colorado Avalanche
Touchdown Thomas -- New York Islanders


Comments
The Big 3 bring a Cup to Colorado.


Good poo poo boys. Gotta get that back-to-back.

Hockles posted:

COL - re-signed Aunt Jemima to a $29.6mil/3yr contract

MONEY FORT FIGHT
(Can I borrow 100k?)

Hockles posted:

2022-23 Opening Night Info
COL -- Soup Athanatos is 1st Line FWD
COL -- Aunt Jemima is a 2nd Line FWD

Guess you can use all that time while I start the game to count your money.

Hockles posted:

CBJ - signed UFA Coach Hockles to a $19.2mil/3yr contract

You're loving dead to me.

corn on the cop
Oct 12, 2012

Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

― Corey Dostoyevsky
:negative:

Rotten Cookies
Nov 11, 2008

gosh! i like both the islanders and the rangers!!! :^)

McBroozer is up to the 3rd line baby! Checkin' line! Like the good lort indeded

yellowcar
Feb 14, 2010

Even videogames hate on Ovie. :(

fits
Jan 1, 2008

Love Always,
The Captain
is one of those 4 centres in minnesota taro tsujimoto, ahl scrubstar?

Aye Doc
Jul 19, 2007



Hockles posted:

EDM -- Bavel Bortnik is a Top 2 DEF

Bortnik is on the trading block

why you have to toy with bavel heart like this? :smith:

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

fits posted:

is one of those 4 centres in minnesota taro tsujimoto, ahl scrubstar?

Yes. 2 in the NHL, 2 in the AHL. Taro is in the AHL.

aunt jenkins
Jan 12, 2001

Athanatos posted:

Guess you can use all that time while I start the game to count your money.

Check the TOI tho :smuggo:

Athanatos
Jun 7, 2006

Est. 1967

aunt jemima posted:

Check the TOI tho :smuggo:

Start the game then head off to sign all the autographs the fans want

a false
Mar 5, 2009

I DECIDE
WHO LIVES
AND WHO DIES
how am i even worth 1.1m

Top Hats Monthly
Jun 22, 2011


People are people so why should it be, that you and I should get along so awfully blink blink recall STOP IT YOU POSH LITTLE SHIT
I'm surprised I'm making a million. I'll take it.

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

2023 All-Star Break Update







All-Stars
Pacific - Floaty McPylon (1st selection)
Central - Soup Athanatos (2nd selection)
Central - Aunt Jemima (3rd selection)
Atlantic - Quayden Aydin (1st selection)
Atlantic - Jus Poost (3rd selection)
Atlantic - Gord Murphy (3rd selection)
Metropolitan - Touchdown Thomas (3rd selection)

Central (AHL) - Taro Tsujimoto (1st selection)
North (AHL) - Scott Johns (1st selection)
North (AHL) - Miracle Johnson (1st selection)



Transaction News
11/7/22 - PHI called up Stabby McStabson from LV
11/29/22 - VAN sent down Kaido Hoovelson to UTI



Notable Stats
Thomas leads the NHL in points, Poost is 2nd,
Thomas leads the NHL in goals, Athanatos is 2nd, Poost is 3rd
Murphy is 2nd in the NHL in +/-, Athanatos is 4th
Biscuits is 3rd in PIM, O'Bourke is 4th, Provolone is 5th
Ogilthorpe leads the AHL in PIM, Glomma is 3rd, Johns is 4th



Comments
Lots of goon all-stars this year
Thomas and Poost are having better than average years
Hoovelson's NHL statline for this season is kind of depressing
Only 4 more players left to make it to the NHL


http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2017 for complete stats

Kilza
Oct 4, 2013

I get invite to All-Star Game. Teammates say I get money if I win! Фантастычны! Pylon score all goals and get big check!

aunt jenkins
Jan 12, 2001

Still a point-per-game player, albeit with over 2 minutes less ice time. Also my lowest pim/game since coming into the league. So even more efficient! Earning that contract :coal:

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
Attaboy Bubba, that's a far more acceptable penalty rate. Keep up the good work!

a false
Mar 5, 2009

I DECIDE
WHO LIVES
AND WHO DIES

Hockles posted:

Hoovelson's NHL statline for this season is kind of depressing

oh for fucks sake

corn on the cop
Oct 12, 2012

Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

― Corey Dostoyevsky
Is 13 penalty minutes a typo or did Miracle Johnson suddenly assume a vow of pacifism

Yaya
Nov 14, 2012

vancloober cablucks
I had higher aspirations for Gord Gordon, but with a name like that, you're practically begging to be a 3rd line centre.

mentholmoose
Nov 5, 2009

YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET
Agent Jack Bauer is starting his NHL career off strong! 27 points in 46 games getting bottom six minutes. He's gonna break out soon!

Furnaceface
Oct 21, 2004




loving Jack Capuano, get Nippon off the 4th line you caveman. :argh:

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

End of 2022-23 Regular Season Update







Transaction News
2/17/23
CHI gets: R. Crawford, M. Heikkinen, & 2023 3rd Round Pick
VAN gets: Jack Bauer

2/20/23
BUF gets: Stanley Matthews III
DET gets: G. Delisle & E. Jenner

3/1/23
BOS gets: Michael Grabner, 2024 1st Round Pick
NYR gets: Ewic Windros, 2023 4th Round Pick

4/17/23 - VAN called up Kaido Hoovelson from UTI


Notable Stats
Thomas finished 3rd in the NHL in Points, Poost finished 5th
Thomas lead the NHL in goals, Athanatos was 2nd, Poost was 4th, Murphy was 5th
Athanatos lead the NHL in +/-
Biscuits finished 2nd in PIM, O'Bourke was 3rd
Murphy played the 2nd most MIN in the NHL
Johnson finished 5th in the AHL in goals
Ogilthorpe lead the AHL in PIM, Glomma was 2nd, Johns was 3rd



Comments
Yet another few goons dealt around the trade deadline!
Hoovelson gets called up just in time for the Canucks' cup run


http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2017 for complete stats

Hockles fucked around with this message at 21:59 on Jun 20, 2017

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

Hockles posted:

Biscuits finished 2nd in PIM, O'Bourke was 3rd

There you go Bubbers, for probably the first time in your life I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work and we'll be the top goon in no time!

Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


Goddamn Atlantic division!!!

Schlesische
Jul 4, 2012

The spreadsheet only lists 50 games?

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

Schlesische posted:

The spreadsheet only lists 50 games?

Whoops. There's like 4 buttons I need to click to update the spreadsheet. I guess I only hit 3. I have the playoffs updated preloaded, so I'll update it all when I get home.

ThinkTank
Oct 23, 2007

Was ThinkTank hurt most of the year or scratched? If the latter, I take it his career his effectively over?

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

ThinkTank posted:

Was ThinkTank hurt most of the year or scratched? If the latter, I take it his career his effectively over?

The spreadsheet is still showing the stats up to the ASG.

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checksin
Nov 23, 2006

I joined the new sensation, the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

:chillout:

he knows...
yokozuna is putting up respectable, if not flashy numbers
he's a total lunchpail player, ie. he brings a lunchpail out to the net

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