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Holy poo poo what a loving mess. Jesus gently caress.
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Jun 21, 2017 04:01
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Just came out of it. This was the most ambitious and insane thing I've ever seen put on film. To say I loved it is an understatement. Seriously I caught myself just gawking at the screen and all the insane chase stuff they did. I need a 2nd screening and time to process this one because holy loving poo poo Michael Bay is a madman and a genius and god drat everything about this movie owned.
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Jun 21, 2017 04:05
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That was a loving mess even by Transformers standards. It's missing like thirty minutes of footage that I know exists but clearly got axed to make that time cut. So, so many abandoned / frayed plot threads. 90% of it was just a Da Vinci Code adventure thriller. Started strong, lots of laughs and self awareness/deprecation which I thought Bay pulled off. Then things got booooooring.
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Jun 21, 2017 05:19
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Michael Bay finally broke Rotten Tomatoes.
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Jun 21, 2017 05:25
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DC Murderverse posted:Michael Bay finally broke Rotten Tomatoes. This is an accurate summation of the movie. I mean, on one hand, I guess I can say 'I was not...bored?' while watching it. And I will admit, the visuals were gorgeous, but so is every other big budget action movie. The story? I have no loving idea what the gently caress, like, at all. That script can only be explained one of three ways: 1. The writers just literally recorded their kids playing Transformers, wrote it all down, and that was the movie 2. Writer #1 goes 'I've written the worst script ever!' and writers #2-4 go 'Hold my beer' and 2 weeks later after a marathon of coke, booze, LSD, and...probably some substances that never existed before that party, this script is what came out of it. 3. Michael Bay wants to see how bad a story he can come up with that will still make money. ...Just, like, 'What the everloving gently caress' is the only way to describe the movie. It has definitely broken my brain. I have become Winston Smith, and Doublethink is Real.
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Jun 21, 2017 05:46
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"That weird thing from 1600 years ago is finally happening" best line in the movie
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Jun 21, 2017 05:48
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Dexanth posted:This is an accurate summation of the movie. I'm pretty sure they've said they mashed three different scripts together. One about King Arthur and Merlin, one about Transformers Throughout History, and the Unicron story. So, all of the above?
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Jun 21, 2017 05:53
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Anthony Hopkins and Cogman were loving great. Even the middle-of-the-story exposition dump was carried a hell of a lot better than the previous movies by having Hopkins do the heavy lifting and Cogman bring a good amount of comedy. I think my favorite part was Lennox playing an ever more ridiculous chase. All right chase them now in Chicago. Ok we're following them to London. gently caress it we have deep sea subs ready lets go all seal team 6. Oh poo poo the thing is going up? Helo jumps for everybody! That said, making Earth Unicron and having cybertron part of Earth is INSANE. Like holy gently caress we just saw like millions of people straight up die. The moon is hosed, the tides are hosed. Literally every migratory bird is probably hosed too. I can't even imagine where humanity goes from here. But hey we won the day! Yay! I can't stop thinking about how insane and fun this movie was. The only two things that were not clearly explained (to me) were: 1. How/why Bumblebee can reform himself now. 2. Cogman being a headmaster. I don't think it was even hinted. I felt there was a LOT more of Transformers to go along with the humans this time around. There wasn't any plot in particular outside of Buster Bluth that didn't involve or had a Transformers on screen to go along with it. Oh and Megatron asking for his crew while they each get a Suicide Squad intro even with the frame freeze / name drop was so abrupt I couldn't help but laugh. Happy Noodle Boy fucked around with this message at 06:17 on Jun 21, 2017 |
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Jun 21, 2017 06:14
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The closest preexisting TF fiction to this movie has got to be Tom Scioli's TRANSFORMERS VS G.I. JOE limited comic series from 2014+. Everyone who saw this movie should read that comic.
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Jun 21, 2017 06:51
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mashed_penguin posted:By ok you mean do they survive? That's a relief. I know it's a very specific question, but it's an important one for her.
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Jun 21, 2017 06:52
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Zeris posted:"That weird thing from 1600 years ago is finally happening" best line in the movie I agree, but "Look, it's a giant alien ship!" Is up there. Also, how many times does Optimus Prime say "I'm Optimus Prime"? We know dude.
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Jun 21, 2017 07:00
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So as I said earlier I'm a VFX nerd that worked on this. It's my second transformers the first being trans4. I enjoyed doing this one more because I got to kill robots in this one which I didn't in the last one. I worked on a bunch of stuff but the highlights were: Onslaughts death Prime taking 6 heads at once Canopy getting wasted Flaming death balls Megaton fondling starscreams head So I hope you enjoyed the carnage 
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Jun 21, 2017 07:19
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mashed_penguin posted:So as I said earlier I'm a VFX nerd that worked on this. It's my second transformers the first being trans4. I enjoyed doing this one more because I got to kill robots in this one which I didn't in the last one. Spoken like Prime himself.
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Jun 21, 2017 07:27
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Dexanth posted:This is an accurate summation of the movie. You're making me even more pumped for this than I already was.
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Jun 21, 2017 07:45
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I need to stop visiting this thread until I undergo the movie. It's going to be awesome
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Jun 21, 2017 08:40
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That submarine sequence makes me angry just thinking about it. I came to the movie to watch giant robots punch the poo poo out of each other. Not...this.
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Jun 21, 2017 09:28
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I'm slightly disappointed with the movie, myself. Hopkins was the best part and some of the ideas were good to see on a movie screen, but they don't quite hit them all. Also they chickened out on Optimus even after a small "Bumblebee you're not a leader like Prime was" scene.
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Jun 21, 2017 09:31
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Zeris posted:That submarine sequence makes me angry just thinking about it. I came to the movie to watch giant robots punch the poo poo out of each other. Not...this. Wasn't that submarine supposed to be a Transformer? Did it ever actually transform into anything? The movie is basically a blur in my memory.
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Jun 21, 2017 10:07
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Based on what I'm hearing, it sounds like Hasbro's plans for a 'cinematic universe' seems like it didn't allow TLK to go as far as the films usually do? Like, it feels very strange that they've got this Bumblebee solo film coming up, and they don't off Optimus Prime? On the other hand, some of the stuff I'm hearing is utterly insane, so...
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Jun 21, 2017 10:36
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Milky Moor posted:Based on what I'm hearing, it sounds like Hasbro's plans for a 'cinematic universe' seems like it didn't allow TLK to go as far as the films usually do? They destroy the Moon and half the Earth and reveal that our planet is secretly a giant Transformer so I'd say they go pretty far.
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Jun 21, 2017 12:24
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Darth TNT posted:I need to stop visiting this thread until I undergo the movie. It's going to be awesome I just wanna say I love the concept of "undergoing " a movie.
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Jun 21, 2017 14:42
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GoldenGun posted:You're making me even more pumped for this than I already was. This is a fair reaction to everything I have posted. This movie is a glorious abomination of script writing that truly makes you wonder how humanity has come to this, and yet, somehow, you walk out going 'Im still gonna see the 6th one' even though rationally you know this has nothing redeeming about it at all apart from the visuals and total insanity Like I can't recommend it, but I also can't be like NO THIS IS TERRIBLE DONT WATCH IT because it's...certainly watchable
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Jun 21, 2017 15:30
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There is going to be a toy based on that scene from Transformers 3 where Laserbeak transformed into a small pink Bumblebee. Transformers action and destruction statistics.    
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Jun 21, 2017 15:54
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The fact that someone took the time to compile those stats is the best thing.
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Jun 21, 2017 16:49
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The MSJ posted:There is going to be a toy based on that scene from Transformers 3 where Laserbeak transformed into a small pink Bumblebee. That needs to go on the OP and the top of every page, god drat
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Jun 21, 2017 17:24
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The stats on Shockwave are way way off, unless it's simply not counting his burrowing worm thing.
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Jun 21, 2017 17:46
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quote:There is no redemption to be found here, only suffering. Thread title
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Jun 21, 2017 18:15
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I really appreciated Michael Bay putting a Boyz N The Hood reference right in the beginning of his new Transformers movie. That was pretty dope.Lil Chris from Boyz N The Hood posted:Y'all wanna see a dead body?
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Jun 21, 2017 18:56
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Mr. Flunchy posted:They destroy the Moon and half the Earth and reveal that our planet is secretly a giant Transformer so I'd say they go pretty far. Ruin has come to our family.
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Jun 21, 2017 18:58
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Dexanth posted:This is a fair reaction to everything I have posted. This is mostly how I came away from it. I think it's an outright terrible movie and was actually kind of disappointed.
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Jun 21, 2017 21:35
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I really liked this movie. It has issues but was far better than AoE. I'd rate this as good as the first one.
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Jun 22, 2017 04:33
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Anyone who has seen this want to chime in on how it fits or doesn't fit with OP's interpretations of the previous films?Dexanth posted:This movie is a glorious abomination of script writing that truly makes you wonder how humanity has come to this, and yet, somehow, you walk out going 'Im still gonna see the 6th one' even though rationally you know this has nothing redeeming about it at all apart from the visuals and total insanity But the next one is supposedly not even going to be directed by Bay. Though he says that every time.
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Jun 22, 2017 06:15
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We're going to end up with something as bland as the GI Joe movies
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Jun 22, 2017 06:24
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Lord Krangdar posted:Anyone who has seen this want to chime in on how it fits or doesn't fit with OP's interpretations of the previous films? General Battuta posted:How much of a genocidal maniac was Optimus Prime Gladly. Optimus: Optimus isn't brainwashed by Quintessa. At the very least, it's ambiguous. Prime arrives on Cybertron and is confronted with the ruined state of it by Quintessa, who blames him. Prime says that "Megatron started the war", and that is his sole defense. Quintessa berates him for his failure to safeguard Cybertron until Prime agrees to help her restore the planet. Prime threatens to kill people. The other Knights of Cybertron accuse Prime of "believing" Quintessa and prepare to execute him, which Prime basically accepts. What turns Prime back to 'good' is not only hearing Bumblebee's voice, but hearing Bumblebee say that he would die for him. So, basically, Prime acquiesces to a more powerful being until Prime finds someone who will lay down their life for him. His ego soothed, Prime decides to go and literally kill his God. The Autobots themselves are also basically violent, destructive children. Megatron" Megatron says "This planet [Earth] is hell." Once again, he's just trying to restore Cybertron, but he also hates Earth and wants to get off it ASAP. What's weird is that he also seems to have come into contact with Quintessa (red mark on his face). Other than that, he's basically who he's always been. Also, all the Knights of Cybertron sound just like Megatron. So, here are my thoughts. This film is somehow both the most generic of the Transformers films and the most bizarre. I do not think it bodes well for the "cinematic universe" Hasbro wants to create and I feel like this film is flawed because of Hasbro trying to set up a wider cinematic universe. For what it's worth my partner, who hated the previous films and almost refused to see this one, thinks this one was great. As she puts it, this is Bay with the edges filed down to a safe, pleasant line. The robot-on-robot combat is bizarrely perfunctory. I'm not sure there are any robot-on-robot fights that last more than thirty seconds. For a lot of them, it is almost everything you've seen in the trailers. To me, this is a massive disappointment. It feels like they had to cut down every single scene in this film to get the run time to what it is, and the robot fights were basically cut down to "fight starts, fight ending money shot". There is nothing in it like the forest fight in TF2, Prime carving up Shockwave in TF3 or Prime fighting Lockdown in TF4. What makes this more obvious is that Drift and Crosshairs vanish from the last twenty minutes of the film. One of the spoilers I read earlier was that they were killed by Megatron. Otherwise, not a single Autobot dies or really suffers. Comparing this to the previous films is strange. And yet this is also the film that by far spends the most time on the robots. The new Decepticons get this strangely in-depth intro sequence -- but half of them are killed in maybe thirty seconds in single shots in their first fight and the other half do nothing of consequence and Barricade, again, vanishes from the film during the halfway point. That last point, however, might be intentional. The action is strange, too. There's nothing in it like the highway chase scene in TF3 where the kinetic motion and the pounding soundtrack just takes you in and obliterates your senses. Everything feels safe and generic. The film obviously suffers from being three scripts combined. It sashays between Michael Bay Presents: Monty Python's Holy Grail, Michael Bay Presents: The Da Vinci Code, Michael Bay Presents: Transformers In Time, and Michael Bay Presents: Transformers 5. There is obviously so much stuff cut out. Every single scene feels like it was cut down to the bone, and a lot of the cool stuff got nicked in the process. That's not to say there aren't nice things in the film. Anthony Hopkins just steals the show despite him just delivering So Much Exposition. Wahlberg is fun. Cogman is a neat character. The film delivers on total insanity with the whole thing with Earth and Cybertron and Unicron and all of that. If anyone had expected how the film was going to end, and some of the events that took place, well, congratulations on writing the script. In that sense, it is decidedly like the previous films: the events cannot be walked backwards, the status quo is forever changed. And yet it is so unlike the previous films. I can't believe I'm saying this, but... Michael Bay has let me down. If this is the sort of thing he'd be making going forward, I'm not surprised he's apparently serious about this being the last. This is Michael Bay who has been asked to tone it down and it feels like it. This is Michael Bay being told to make it more like Marvel. I can live with a lot of things in a Transformers film. All I really want is a great Jablonsky soundtrack while Bay blows my senses away with fighting robots. I didn't really get that. I cannot get over how short and perfunctory the robot-on-robot scenes were. The showdown with Prime and Megatron is literally Megatron pins Prime down, Prime cuts off his arm and kicks him away in the space of maybe twenty seconds. TF2 was a glorious trainwreck. TF5 just... exists. Zeris posted:That submarine sequence makes me angry just thinking about it. I came to the movie to watch giant robots punch the poo poo out of each other. Not...this. Yeah. "That submarine is a Transformer!" says someone. It never transforms. It never speaks or is given a name. It is never mentioned again. The Bay films aren't usually this sloppy. Goddamn, the movie even has a Marvel-esque 'You better come to the next movie to find out what this means!' mid-credits scene. I'm an addict who wanted the good poo poo and I've had it cut with flour. It's so clean and safe! gently caress. Milkfred E. Moore fucked around with this message at 13:14 on Jun 22, 2017 |
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Jun 22, 2017 13:12
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but... Okay, so, near the end, in the helicopter. English Girl says to Marky Mark some quip about tomorrows. But Marky Mark never said that whole thing to her. Marky Mark said that tomorrow thing to Izabela, who never met English Girl.
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Jun 22, 2017 13:44
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I'm still trying to process how weak the climactic sequence was. Even TF2 delivered on that.
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Jun 22, 2017 14:02
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What was the credits stinger? I left without considering there'd be one. Can I also just say I loved Marky Mark's sword of destiny that manifested solely to save Optimus from execution then disappeared in the following shot and was never heard mentioned again. new kind of cat fucked around with this message at 14:15 on Jun 22, 2017 |
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Jun 22, 2017 14:11
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new kind of cat posted:What was the credits stinger? I left without considering there'd be one. At the horns in the desert, a woman dressed in black admonises someone for touching the horn. "He doesn't like to be touched," she says. There's some dialogue along the lines of "What do you know about him?" from a scientist. "I can tell you how to kill him," the figure says, and the camera reveals that she looks just like Quintessa (it's the actress who played her) as a weird cybertronian-esque effect plays over her face.
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Jun 22, 2017 14:14
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new kind of cat posted:What was the credits stinger? I left without considering there'd be one. It's almost certainly meant to be Excalibur, given some of the first rumors that came out of the production being about that sword featuring in a major way.
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Jun 22, 2017 14:41
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how do you gently caress up giant robots punching each other jfc
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Jun 22, 2017 15:21
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