Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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Anton Chigurh: Mar 18, 2008; Can't post for 9 years!

loquacius posted:

I don't really get why you would do this

Because, drugs.

# ? Jun 24, 2017 22:30

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# ? May 18, 2024 02:13

Anton Chigurh: Mar 18, 2008; Can't post for 9 years!

Got a big laugh out of the pants making GBS threads goon story. So, I'm sorry for your misery (and probably soon unemployment), but thanks for amusing me. It's rare I get to lol anymore on these dead gay forums.

However, maybe you'd be covered under the Americans with Disability Act so they can't fire you, assuming you're in the U.S.?

# ? Jun 24, 2017 22:39

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Anton Chigurh posted:

Because, drugs.

For anything involving drugs this is all the explanation that is ever needed.

# ? Jun 24, 2017 22:39

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

That drug fesh is prob real because i figured it'd go into a threesome penthouse confession but all the druggy cared about was more drugs

# ? Jun 25, 2017 00:48

Runaktla: Feb 21, 2007; by Hand Knit

bradzilla posted:

Guy that only posts in gbs but never this thread until now. You're the copgoon aren't you? Sorry about your racism and misogyny.

Nope I'm a lawyer goon not a cop goon.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 01:58

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

Sad state when lawyers are held in higher esteem than cops.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 02:35

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

RFC2324 posted:

Sad state when lawyers are held in higher esteem than cops.

Atticus plz

# ? Jun 25, 2017 02:40

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I see a professional dominatrix several times a week. It's expensive but it's the only way I can truly get off, normal sex doesn't do it for me any more. This would be a weird but harmless thing if I didn't have a fiance who was unaware of it.

She has no idea I do this, our finances are separate until we get married. I'm always just "working late" and the bruises and scratches are "from my softball games" on the weekends or "working out" at the gym. I haven't been to a gym in months and my softball games are mostly excuses to drink beer, I'm sure as gently caress not diving around getting bruised up.

I fake every orgasm with my girlfriend. I wear a condom and just kinda go "oh god yeah" and do a bunch of thrusts at once, then act like i'm spent. If we ever don't use a condom I'll be discovered, but that ain't happening any time soon at least.

Before I come across as completely awful, I have asked my fiance for years to indulge my fetish. She hates it and can't get past the idea that pain can also be pleasure. So this is my release. There is NEVER any true intercourse happening, at most my mistress will make me jack off onto her shoes, never onto her and definitely no penetrative sex.

I mean, you can jack off onto shoes for free right

quote:

I am a heterosexual 34 year old married man and my favorite band is Green Day. I will crank that poo poo constantly in the car driving to and from work. American Idiot is played at least 2 or 3 times a day.

Guys at work mock me for it, saying I must wear eyeliner and black t shirts in my free time. They have no idea. I've been to 19 Green Day concerts and yes, I go all out for them. Eyeliner, black nails, green day shirt; sometimes I bust out my old JNCO jeans from middle school. Yes, they still fit, I was a fat gently caress back then too lol.

that is the worst green day album to be obsessed with

# ? Jun 25, 2017 04:06

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

That album should have been two or three songs.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 04:29

Doctor Malaver: May 23, 2007; Ce qui s'est pass� t'a rendu plus fort

Anton Chigurh posted:

Got a big laugh out of the pants making GBS threads goon story. So, I'm sorry for your misery (and probably soon unemployment), but thanks for amusing me. It's rare I get to lol anymore on these dead gay forums.

However, maybe you'd be covered under the Americans with Disability Act so they can't fire you, assuming you're in the U.S.?

I don't see why would the goon be fired. They'll probably just have a different person do this once a month reports.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 08:17

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

I wonder what the company stance is on wearing huggies to work?

# ? Jun 25, 2017 09:33

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

Theophany posted:

I wonder what the company stance is on wearing huggies to work?

pffft, does your company not have diaper-casual Fridays?

# ? Jun 25, 2017 11:30

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Marry the dominatrix

# ? Jun 25, 2017 11:34

Indolent Bastard: Oct 26, 2007; I WON THIS AMAZING AVATAR! I'M A WINNER! WOOOOO!

Or at the very least don't marry your fiance.

Sexual incompatiblity is a valid reason to bail. What do you get from her that will make up for a life of unfulfilling sex and require you to run around behind her back?

Get out while you can.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 13:14

Doctor Malaver: May 23, 2007; Ce qui s'est pass� t'a rendu plus fort

Tailored Sauce posted:

I remember a GBS when goons would proudly post their pants-making GBS threads stories, now we've just resorted to posting anonymously.

Be the change...

# ? Jun 25, 2017 13:44

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; Can't post for 3 hours!

Tiberius Thyben posted:

Kidnapping and dumping people in the middle of nowhere is... good?!

Once upon a time I lived in a place where we had to take a bus from our living area to a drinking district and it was a rural wasteland in between. I was a stupid idiot who drank too much and got belligerent on the bus ride home. Police responded and I was totally in the wrong. What they should have done is arrest me, charge me with disorderly conduct, taken me to jail and called my commanding officer to initiate a months-long bureaucratic rear end-kicking. What they did was laugh at me and kick me off the bus.

I'll grant that this wasn't Saskatoon in winter. The conditions were chilly and uncomfortable at worst and I still could have wandered off course and fallen in a well or choked to death on my own vomit. However, the roughly 15 mile walk home was a long dark night of the soul that led me to reevaluate my drinking and I credit it for strangling some really toxic behaviors I was trying out in the crib. I'm a better person for it. So, yes I'm positing that in very specific circumstances, kidnapping and dumping people in the middle of nowhere is good.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 15:17

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Chef Boyardeez Nuts posted:

Once upon a time I lived in a place where we had to take a bus from our living area to a drinking district and it was a rural wasteland in between. I was a stupid idiot who drank too much and got belligerent on the bus ride home. Police responded and I was totally in the wrong. What they should have done is arrest me, charge me with disorderly conduct, taken me to jail and called my commanding officer to initiate a months-long bureaucratic rear end-kicking. What they did was laugh at me and kick me off the bus.

I'll grant that this wasn't Saskatoon in winter. The conditions were chilly and uncomfortable at worst and I still could have wandered off course and fallen in a well or choked to death on my own vomit. However, the roughly 15 mile walk home was a long dark night of the soul that led me to reevaluate my drinking and I credit it for strangling some really toxic behaviors I was trying out in the crib. I'm a better person for it. So, yes I'm positing that in very specific circumstances, kidnapping and dumping people in the middle of nowhere is good.

Cool opinion that is irrelevant to the situation being discussed.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 18:34

Tiberius Thyben: Feb 7, 2013; Gone Phishing

Improbable Lobster posted:

Cool opinion that is irrelevant to the situation being discussed.

Honestly, even ignoring that he is talking about completely different stuff to try to justify it, even his scenario is pretty hosed up. "I was once dumped in the middle of nowhere and could have died as a result, but I had an epiphany and turned my life around so it is good and people should be kidnapped and dumped in the wilderness to maybe die because they might turn their life around."

Tiberius Thyben fucked around with this message at 18:47 on Jun 25, 2017

# ? Jun 25, 2017 18:37

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Tiberius Thyben posted:

Honestly, even ignoring that he is talking about completely different stuff to try to justify it, even his scenario is pretty hosed up. "I was once dumped in the middle of nowhere and could have died as a result, but I had an epiphany and turned my life around so it is good and people should be kidnapped and dumped in the wilderness to maybe die because they might turn their life around."

Yeah, it's absurdly negligent at best even if it isn't outright homicidal.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 18:49

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Tiberius Thyben posted:

Honestly, even ignoring that he is talking about completely different stuff to try to justify it, even his scenario is pretty hosed up. "I was once dumped in the middle of nowhere and could have died as a result, but I had an epiphany and turned my life around so it is good and people should be kidnapped and dumped in the wilderness to maybe die because they might turn their life around."

e dolore magna gloria

# ? Jun 25, 2017 20:28

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I think my husband of 8 months is autistic. I never noticed it while dating, unsure it it's because he hid it or because we weren't living together yet.

I knew from day one that he was a nerd and a gamer, which is fine because I am too (hence even being on these forums). But some of the darker aspects of these hobbies are showing.

He is obsessed with getting the value out of games and will play them for long periods of time to get his cost per hour down. That's his wording and justification for it. There have been many times I'll wake up in an empty bed and find him downstairs playing games at 3 am. He'll always have this half-awake/half-asleep glassy look in his eyes, like he's just doing it out of habit instead of having fun.

I recently mentioned that we should get a Wii U since it's cheap and has a lot of games that would be fun to play together (Mario Kart, Super Mario Bros, and some of the Lego games). For like 300 bucks we could get a ton of games and have a ton of fun. He got angry at me and said it was a waste of money and that Nintendo was a bunch of "baby's playtoys". I got angry and said I just wanted to spend time playing with him, he proceeded to call me a oval office and this was our first big argument of our marriage. We ended up resolving things a few days later after I realized he was content sleeping on the couch and playing games indefinitely. I love him and didn't want to start our marriage off like this, so I agreed to forgive him. I realize now this was a really bad thing, but it was our first fight and I hate conflict.

He is also really, really, really in to the Marvel movies. Again, I like them well enough and enjoy watching them. But going to see one is painful. During the movie he will act really weird - it's more like he's having sex on a roller coaster than watching a movie. Lots of audible gasping and clapping his hands. And of course, we have to sit through the credits. On the car ride home it's constant discussion of everything... but it's weird. He doesn't go very in depth with things, it's all just surface examples of what he liked. For example, we watched the Avengers for about the 50th time on DVD this weekend. All he talked about was the action scenes, and how the physics would work in real life. He spent nearly 15 minutes telling me how the Hulk would function in real life and that he'd need to eat 10s of thousands of calories to survive.

Sex is pretty good but, again, he has some issues. He will try to recreate things he's seen in porn. Bending me weird ways, bending himself weird ways. I'll tell him to stop because it hurts and he'll get that weird far-off stare again. If I ask him afterwards where he learned it he'll say past girlfriends liked it a lot. No, i don't think any girl liked being jackhammered while laying over the side of the bed.

The other big thing, the thing which is bothering me the most, is his attitude towards food. I enjoy cooking quite a bit, and looked forward to cooking meals together. He originally said he was interested, but has since admitted he "made it up" to keep me interested. He now considers food a chore. Notice I said food, not cooking. He will sometimes just eat applesauce all day, or slices of American cheese. I was away for a weekend and when I came home I found out he ate an entire cake (which we were saving for company) and a bag of Hershey Kisses. When I walked in the door he said "Thank God, I've been starving all week. Can you make me chicken nuggets?" like he can't turn on the oven and put them on a tray.

I love this man a lot but his odd habits are bothering me more and more. I want to get him help but I also don't want to offend him.

Honestly if you don't confront him over this stuff at some point you're just gonna keep enabling him forever. Gotta use some tough love. It's gotta happen, and better sooner than later :shrug:

quote:

I am extremely jealous of my boyfriend's female coworker and unsure if I should be or not.

She's younger than me, attractive, and seems to really like working with my boyfriend. But I've also met her several times and she's always like "He's so lucky to have you" and "You guys are a great couple".

But then he'll be stuck working with her on some big project and she'll call his cell during the weekend. They won't even discuss work, just small talk and then finish with like 10 seconds of work chat.

He recently changed his phone background from a picture of us to a picture of the two of them at a baseball game. He said it was "because the game was so much fun" but I'm really worried he's grooming her to replace me. I should also add, I was "the other woman" before. He was engaged but basically forced into that relationship, and he cheated on her with me. It was a sexless, loveless relationship and he's since told me he would never cheat on me because it was different. But now, I'm not so sure.

I wasn't convinced there was a reason to worry until the last few sentences. I've had a relationship before that started with her cheating on her ex with me, and it ended with her cheating on me with the next guy. Some people are so afraid of being alone that they'll hang on to their old relationship until they're sure they have the next one lined up.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 22:02

Son of Man: Jan 29, 2003; by Azathoth

yo grandpa molester goon

everyone in your family is subhuman garbage, not just grandpa. they allowed their own children to continue being molested to avoid possible embarrassment. maybe you're a piece of poo poo too because you seem to think this is understandable. don't have children.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 22:05

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

Temple Grandin posted:

I think my husband of 8 months is autistic. I never noticed it while dating,
downstairs playing games at 3 am. He'll always have this half-awake/half-asleep glassy look in his eyes
He is also really, really, really in to the Marvel movies.

First, insert obligatory "no such thing as female goon" blurb. (Unless poster is also a guy? I'd suspect he'd mention it.)

That said, hubby is clearly a mega autist. Question is, how the hell did you not see that while dating? Did you literally go with him for two weeks before marriage? Did you lose a bet and drive to Vegas?

Anyway, he's not going to change. Either accept it, or divorce him and take half his Magic Cards.

# ? Jun 25, 2017 22:14

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

Gynovore posted:

Either accept it, or divorce him and take half his Magic Cards.

First legit case of divorce rape I have seen suggested. :colbert:

# ? Jun 25, 2017 22:26

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

He's autistic as fuk, drag his rear end to therapy for meds or divorce. I know from personal experience

Cheater g/f, if the sex is still good and you have fun together then just take what comes and enjoy the good, minimize the bad

# ? Jun 25, 2017 22:32

alpaca diseases: May 19, 2009

getting cheated on goon- murder him and frame her

it's the only way

# ? Jun 25, 2017 22:51

Masturbasturd: Sep 1, 2014

Tiberius Thyben posted:

Honestly, even ignoring that he is talking about completely different stuff to try to justify it, even his scenario is pretty hosed up. "I was once dumped in the middle of nowhere and could have died as a result, but I had an epiphany and turned my life around so it is good and people should be kidnapped and dumped in the wilderness to maybe die because they might turn their life around."

Some buses will drop you off in the middle of nowhere as a matter of policy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYidbrCbK7Q

Masturbasturd fucked around with this message at 00:30 on Jun 26, 2017

# ? Jun 26, 2017 00:25

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

loquacius posted:

Some people are so afraid of being alone that they'll hang on to their old relationship until they're sure they have the next one lined up.

that's just common sense, gotta have a steady supply of sex

# ? Jun 26, 2017 00:54

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Edit: wrong thread

maskenfreiheit fucked around with this message at 04:31 on Jun 26, 2017

# ? Jun 26, 2017 01:16

omnibobb: Dec 3, 2005; Title text'd

maskenfreiheit posted:

[23M] white guy dating half black [23F] girl for 5yrs. Things are getting serious, but I'm not sure if I am okay with a black baby in the future.

I dated an Asian gal with a half black, dark skinned child. Us going out with my 2 white as the driven snow children produced a lot of odd looks.

In short, gently caress this guy.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 01:20

Tinestram: Jan 13, 2006; Excalibur? More like "Needle"; Grimey Drawer

maskenfreiheit posted:

[23M] white guy dating half black [23F] girl for 5yrs. Things are getting serious, but I'm not sure if I am okay with a black baby in the future.

here's some advice: wait until you can actually behave like an adult before having a goddamn kid

# ? Jun 26, 2017 01:22

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

maskenfreiheit posted:

[23M] white guy dating half black [23F] girl for 5yrs. Things are getting serious, but I'm not sure if I am okay with a black baby in the future.

I think this was posted in the wrong GBS relationship-drama thread

# ? Jun 26, 2017 01:26

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

loquacius posted:

green day

# ? Jun 26, 2017 03:14

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

Don't let the streams cross!

# ? Jun 26, 2017 03:14

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

loquacius posted:

I think this was posted in the wrong GBS relationship-drama thread

is this how the gbs thread singularity begins?

# ? Jun 26, 2017 03:35

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

loquacius posted:

I think this was posted in the wrong GBS relationship-drama thread

Oh God How Did This Get Here I Am Not Good With Computer

# ? Jun 26, 2017 04:34

Jastiger: Oct 11, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Hes safe. Im half black half white, wife is half Mexican half white and our daughter os blond hair blue eyed. He is safe to secure the future of his race

# ? Jun 26, 2017 04:39

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

goon posted:

He recently changed his phone background from a picture of us to a picture of the two of them at a baseball game. He said it was "because the game was so much fun" but I'm really worried he's grooming her to replace me.

Yeah he's definitely fixing to replace you. You could bring up your concerns gently with him, but honestly it'll just expedite the decision he has already made to abandon ship.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 10:30

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

you should never marry before you've lived together

# ? Jun 26, 2017 10:37

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# ? May 18, 2024 02:13

Stickfigure: Sep 4, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

On one hand, salute the dude for upgrading, on the other, workplace relationships usually end badly.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 11:13

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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