AUG Thread: AUGgam's razor

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oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
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Everything sends you to hell according to the Bible. Don't jack off, don't kill your neighbor, don't gently caress your mom what the heck doesn't end you up in hell?

# ? Jul 5, 2017 12:52

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# ? May 16, 2024 08:16

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

oldpainless posted:

Everything sends you to hell according to the Bible. Don't jack off, don't kill your neighbor, don't gently caress your mom what the heck doesn't end you up in hell?

Cheating on your husband, getting knocked up, lying about it and blaming it on god, apparently.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 13:03

Jestery: Aug 2, 2016; Not a Dickman, just a shape

oldpainless posted:

Everything sends you to hell according to the Bible. Don't jack off, don't kill your neighbor, don't gently caress your mom what the heck doesn't end you up in hell?

A politically motivated killing of all Egyptian children?

# ? Jul 5, 2017 13:31

Mameluke: Aug 2, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Cheating on your husband, getting knocked up, lying about it and blaming it on god, apparently.

That actually makes you without sin. Enough wrongs do make a right!

# ? Jul 5, 2017 14:03

Blendy: Jun 18, 2007; She thinks I'm a haughty!

Mameluke posted:

That actually makes you without sin. Enough wrongs do make a right!

Being without sin makes you Christlike, which is a sin you sinner. Stop pretending your like Christ. Also where's all the tassles you're supposed to be wearing?

# ? Jul 5, 2017 14:19

Maggie Fletcher: Jul 19, 2009; Getting brunch is more important to me than other peoples lives.

Solice Kirsk posted:

My mom just made fun of me for getting a tattoo when I came home with one when I was 17. Then again my parents are awesome.

I know I'm late to this party, but my mom actually convinced me to get mine, and took me to the tattoo place. It was fun at the time, but later I ended up not liking it and getting it lasered off. She actually seemed a little offended when I did that, as if I were judging her for having tattoos. That's not it at all, I like tattoos on others perfectly fine, but it wasn't working for me. She regularly posts those memes about how "people with tattoos aren't unprofessional, but you're unprofessional for judging them" etc. I really don't get it--almost everyone I know has at least one visible tattoos, and most of them are professionals. Maybe it's because she lives way out in the boonies and they're a little backwards?

# ? Jul 5, 2017 17:22

Slugnoid: Jun 23, 2006; Nap Ghost

my mum held me down and tattooed 'cumdump' above my butthole

# ? Jul 5, 2017 17:24

FluxFaun: Apr 7, 2010

My mom and I got matching tattoos because we have a loving relationship and also she's cool.

On the other hand my sister has a really lovely pin up that she regrets to this day.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 17:40

Maggie Fletcher: Jul 19, 2009; Getting brunch is more important to me than other peoples lives.

I didn't mean to imply that she "talked me into it" or that I wasn't into it and she somehow forced me. It was more like "check it out, I got a tattoo! Want one? The place I went to is really good, let's go!"

And to be fair, her tattoos are really nice. It just wasn't for me.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 17:42

EmmyOk: Aug 11, 2013

Slugnoid posted:

my mum held me down and tattooed 'cumdump' above my butthole

Ah you were raised Catholic too

# ? Jul 5, 2017 17:52

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

Slugnoid posted:

my mum held me down and tattooed 'cumdump' above my butthole

She just wants you to remember her the way she was.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 18:58

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

PCOS Bill posted:

I want to give all three of them wedgies

What an odd way of saying you want to touch the butts of cute boys.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 19:27

Sloober: Apr 1, 2011

Picnic Princess posted:

What an odd way of saying you want to touch the butts of cute boys.

Gently caress the butts of cute boys

# ? Jul 5, 2017 19:30

Deified Data: Nov 3, 2015; Fun Shoe

Slugnoid posted:

my mum held me down and tattooed 'cumdump' above my butthole

poo poo I'm so sorry

# ? Jul 5, 2017 19:34

Verisimilidude: Dec 20, 2006; Strike quick and hurry at him,
not caring to hit or miss.
So that you dishonor him before the judges

https://twitter.com/NuclearTakes/status/880946198231875584

# ? Jul 5, 2017 19:56

tight aspirations: Jul 13, 2009

*Not knowing who Tim Farron is will make your life at least 20% better.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 19:59

MY PALE GOTH SKIN: Nov 28, 2006; meow

I regret my first two tattoos and the lovely coverup of one as well. It took me way too long to realize I needed to either pay for a good artist or not get tattooed

At 17, I had a friend use his homemade gun (I do not know all of the parts but he turned it on and off with a rolling switch like you find on old lamps, lmao) to put a word on my leg. At some point, I cut my leg shaving or scraped it or something, so now me leg says "/*]{E" more or less. Fortunately I can cover it with makeup pretty easily.

At 18, my boyfriend and I dropped in to see a friend in the tattoo shop he had recently inherited from his das. I had boyfriend go first, he picked a geometrical pattern from the flash and it came out looking great, so I went ahead.

What I wanted wasn't on the flash even though it was what would later be known as a "nautical star" in tattoo terms. It was supposed to look like this with dark red instead of white:

I figured the guy could freehand it, that his dad would have, you know, taught him. His dad wasn't dead, just retired. I assumed professionalism. I was wrong.

Instead the line work was middling' at best, and he also hosed up the red, black, red, black, pattern, leaving me with an all-black point. I think he was high.

It's on my collarbone, easy to cover up but frequently visible in every day life. I moved to a major metro area and was informed that the red/black and black V (that I didn't ask for) was awfully similar to some gang iconography, so I paid a scratcher seven Percocet to black it out and put a thin purple line around it. He did okay, actually, but there's visible scarring. I don't know if it's from him or the first guy.

At that point I realized I needed to wait on ink until I could research and pay with money.

Don't be like me, kids. Even though I think it's funny now, I'd rather use the money that will go for lasering my leg for anything that isn't me paying for stupidity. And I'd prefer to not be praying I find an artist who can do something great with the star without covering half my chest.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 22:29

Otana: Jun 1, 2005; Let's go see what kind of trouble we can get into.

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

I regret my first two tattoos and the lovely coverup of one as well. It took me way too long to realize I needed to either pay for a good artist or not get tattooed

At 17, I had a friend use his homemade gun (I do not know all of the parts but he turned it on and off with a rolling switch like you find on old lamps, lmao) to put a word on my leg. At some point, I cut my leg shaving or scraped it or something, so now me leg says "/*]{E" more or less. Fortunately I can cover it with makeup pretty easily.

At 18, my boyfriend and I dropped in to see a friend in the tattoo shop he had recently inherited from his das. I had boyfriend go first, he picked a geometrical pattern from the flash and it came out looking great, so I went ahead.

What I wanted wasn't on the flash even though it was what would later be known as a "nautical star" in tattoo terms. It was supposed to look like this with dark red instead of white:

I figured the guy could freehand it, that his dad would have, you know, taught him. His dad wasn't dead, just retired. I assumed professionalism. I was wrong.

Instead the line work was middling' at best, and he also hosed up the red, black, red, black, pattern, leaving me with an all-black point. I think he was high.

It's on my collarbone, easy to cover up but frequently visible in every day life. I moved to a major metro area and was informed that the red/black and black V (that I didn't ask for) was awfully similar to some gang iconography, so I paid a scratcher seven Percocet to black it out and put a thin purple line around it. He did okay, actually, but there's visible scarring. I don't know if it's from him or the first guy.

At that point I realized I needed to wait on ink until I could research and pay with money.

Don't be like me, kids. Even though I think it's funny now, I'd rather use the money that will go for lasering my leg for anything that isn't me paying for stupidity. And I'd prefer to not be praying I find an artist who can do something great with the star without covering half my chest.

Jesus Christ it's like a compendium of bad decisions.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 23:09

Anil Dikshit: Apr 11, 2007

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

I regret my first two tattoos and the lovely coverup of one as well. It took me way too long to realize I needed to either pay for a good artist or not get tattooed

At 17, I had a friend use his homemade gun (I do not know all of the parts but he turned it on and off with a rolling switch like you find on old lamps, lmao) to put a word on my leg. At some point, I cut my leg shaving or scraped it or something, so now me leg says "/*]{E" more or less. Fortunately I can cover it with makeup pretty easily.

At 18, my boyfriend and I dropped in to see a friend in the tattoo shop he had recently inherited from his das. I had boyfriend go first, he picked a geometrical pattern from the flash and it came out looking great, so I went ahead.

What I wanted wasn't on the flash even though it was what would later be known as a "nautical star" in tattoo terms. It was supposed to look like this with dark red instead of white:

I figured the guy could freehand it, that his dad would have, you know, taught him. His dad wasn't dead, just retired. I assumed professionalism. I was wrong.

Instead the line work was middling' at best, and he also hosed up the red, black, red, black, pattern, leaving me with an all-black point. I think he was high.

It's on my collarbone, easy to cover up but frequently visible in every day life. I moved to a major metro area and was informed that the red/black and black V (that I didn't ask for) was awfully similar to some gang iconography, so I paid a scratcher seven Percocet to black it out and put a thin purple line around it. He did okay, actually, but there's visible scarring. I don't know if it's from him or the first guy.

At that point I realized I needed to wait on ink until I could research and pay with money.

Don't be like me, kids. Even though I think it's funny now, I'd rather use the money that will go for lasering my leg for anything that isn't me paying for stupidity. And I'd prefer to not be praying I find an artist who can do something great with the star without covering half my chest.

Amazing username/post combo.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 23:28

Garrand: Dec 28, 2012; Rhino, you did this to me!

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

I regret my first two tattoos and the lovely coverup of one as well. It took me way too long to realize I needed to either pay for a good artist or not get tattooed

At 17, I had a friend use his homemade gun (I do not know all of the parts but he turned it on and off with a rolling switch like you find on old lamps, lmao) to put a word on my leg. At some point, I cut my leg shaving or scraped it or something, so now me leg says "/*]{E" more or less. Fortunately I can cover it with makeup pretty easily.

At 18, my boyfriend and I dropped in to see a friend in the tattoo shop he had recently inherited from his das. I had boyfriend go first, he picked a geometrical pattern from the flash and it came out looking great, so I went ahead.

What I wanted wasn't on the flash even though it was what would later be known as a "nautical star" in tattoo terms. It was supposed to look like this with dark red instead of white:

I figured the guy could freehand it, that his dad would have, you know, taught him. His dad wasn't dead, just retired. I assumed professionalism. I was wrong.

Instead the line work was middling' at best, and he also hosed up the red, black, red, black, pattern, leaving me with an all-black point. I think he was high.

It's on my collarbone, easy to cover up but frequently visible in every day life. I moved to a major metro area and was informed that the red/black and black V (that I didn't ask for) was awfully similar to some gang iconography, so I paid a scratcher seven Percocet to black it out and put a thin purple line around it. He did okay, actually, but there's visible scarring. I don't know if it's from him or the first guy.

At that point I realized I needed to wait on ink until I could research and pay with money.

Don't be like me, kids. Even though I think it's funny now, I'd rather use the money that will go for lasering my leg for anything that isn't me paying for stupidity. And I'd prefer to not be praying I find an artist who can do something great with the star without covering half my chest.

I like how this cautionary tale of regretting your first 2 tattoos ends with getting a 3rd tattoo from some junkie you paid in drugs. In spite of your experience you managed to lower the bar even more. It's not often you see a person fail to learn their lesson this hard.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 23:40

Bogan King: Jan 21, 2013; I'm not racist, I'm mates with Bangladesh, the guy who sells me kebabs. No, I don't know his real name.

Garrand posted:

I like how this cautionary tale of regretting your first 2 tattoos ends with getting a 3rd tattoo from some junkie you paid in drugs. In spite of your experience you managed to lower the bar even more. It's not often you see a person fail to learn their lesson this hard.

It's the scientific method and getting a large enough sample size to be sure of your results. I applaud the OP for being so rigorous.

# ? Jul 5, 2017 23:41

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Garrand posted:

I like how this cautionary tale of regretting your first 2 tattoos ends with getting a 3rd tattoo from some junkie you paid in drugs. In spite of your experience you managed to lower the bar even more. It's not often you see a person fail to learn their lesson this hard.

Some people are just make poor decisions in life. Frankly she's not dead or in jail so it could have been much much worse.

# ? Jul 6, 2017 00:02

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

I regret my first two tattoos and the lovely coverup of one as well. It took me way too long to realize I needed to either pay for a good artist or not get tattooed

At 17, I had a friend use his homemade gun (I do not know all of the parts but he turned it on and off with a rolling switch like you find on old lamps, lmao) to put a word on my leg. At some point, I cut my leg shaving or scraped it or something, so now me leg says "/*]{E" more or less. Fortunately I can cover it with makeup pretty easily.

At 18, my boyfriend and I dropped in to see a friend in the tattoo shop he had recently inherited from his das. I had boyfriend go first, he picked a geometrical pattern from the flash and it came out looking great, so I went ahead.

What I wanted wasn't on the flash even though it was what would later be known as a "nautical star" in tattoo terms. It was supposed to look like this with dark red instead of white:

I figured the guy could freehand it, that his dad would have, you know, taught him. His dad wasn't dead, just retired. I assumed professionalism. I was wrong.

Instead the line work was middling' at best, and he also hosed up the red, black, red, black, pattern, leaving me with an all-black point. I think he was high.

It's on my collarbone, easy to cover up but frequently visible in every day life. I moved to a major metro area and was informed that the red/black and black V (that I didn't ask for) was awfully similar to some gang iconography, so I paid a scratcher seven Percocet to black it out and put a thin purple line around it. He did okay, actually, but there's visible scarring. I don't know if it's from him or the first guy.

At that point I realized I needed to wait on ink until I could research and pay with money.

Don't be like me, kids. Even though I think it's funny now, I'd rather use the money that will go for lasering my leg for anything that isn't me paying for stupidity. And I'd prefer to not be praying I find an artist who can do something great with the star without covering half my chest.

Hi.

# ? Jul 6, 2017 00:02

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS 👥 - It's for your phone📲^TM� #ad📢

I have nine tattoos and 4 of them were done by an Asian guy and they are of a much higher quality than the others.

# ? Jul 6, 2017 00:22

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS 👥 - It's for your phone📲^TM� #ad📢

I should clarify my sentence, I don't mean it was the same Asian guy on all 4, just that it was an Asian guy.

# ? Jul 6, 2017 00:23

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

oldpainless posted:

I have nine tattoos

More like... old... uh... painless.

:argh:

# ? Jul 6, 2017 00:56

Tarantula: Nov 4, 2009; No go ahead stand in the fire, the healer will love the shit out of you.

Bogan King posted:

It's the scientific method and getting a large enough sample size to be sure of your results. I applaud the OP for being so rigorous.

Can't wait to see them try for a Ph:D

# ? Jul 6, 2017 00:57

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

oldpainless posted:

I have nine tattoos and 4 of them were done by an Asian guy and they are of a much higher quality than the others.

The stock standard "Chinese characters that you don't understand, and are usually hilariously wrong" type?

# ? Jul 6, 2017 00:58

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

More like... old... uh... painless.

Honestly once we cycled around to "more like oldpainless" we could retire the joke. We've hit the nadir. There is nothing that lies beyond.

# ? Jul 6, 2017 01:00

Bogan King: Jan 21, 2013; I'm not racist, I'm mates with Bangladesh, the guy who sells me kebabs. No, I don't know his real name.

Not until we've seen an oldpeenless

# ? Jul 6, 2017 01:03

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS 👥 - It's for your phone📲^TM� #ad📢

Sic Semper Goon posted:

The stock standard "Chinese characters that you don't understand, and are usually hilariously wrong" type?

No I've never liked those

# ? Jul 6, 2017 01:05

AlbieQuirky: Oct 9, 2012; Just me and my 🌊dragon🐉 hanging out

oldpainless posted:

Everything sends you to hell according to the Bible. Don't jack off, don't kill your neighbor, don't gently caress your mom what the heck doesn't end you up in hell?

Smuggling looted Iraqi antiquities into the US. Hobby Lobby did it, so it must be Jesus-approved!

# ? Jul 6, 2017 01:28

Slugnoid: Jun 23, 2006; Nap Ghost

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

I regret my first two tattoos and the lovely coverup of one as well. It took me way too long to realize I needed to either pay for a good artist or not get tattooed

At 17, I had a friend use his homemade gun (I do not know all of the parts but he turned it on and off with a rolling switch like you find on old lamps, lmao) to put a word on my leg. At some point, I cut my leg shaving or scraped it or something, so now me leg says "/*]{E" more or less. Fortunately I can cover it with makeup pretty easily.

At 18, my boyfriend and I dropped in to see a friend in the tattoo shop he had recently inherited from his das. I had boyfriend go first, he picked a geometrical pattern from the flash and it came out looking great, so I went ahead.

What I wanted wasn't on the flash even though it was what would later be known as a "nautical star" in tattoo terms. It was supposed to look like this with dark red instead of white:

I figured the guy could freehand it, that his dad would have, you know, taught him. His dad wasn't dead, just retired. I assumed professionalism. I was wrong.

Instead the line work was middling' at best, and he also hosed up the red, black, red, black, pattern, leaving me with an all-black point. I think he was high.

It's on my collarbone, easy to cover up but frequently visible in every day life. I moved to a major metro area and was informed that the red/black and black V (that I didn't ask for) was awfully similar to some gang iconography, so I paid a scratcher seven Percocet to black it out and put a thin purple line around it. He did okay, actually, but there's visible scarring. I don't know if it's from him or the first guy.

At that point I realized I needed to wait on ink until I could research and pay with money.

Don't be like me, kids. Even though I think it's funny now, I'd rather use the money that will go for lasering my leg for anything that isn't me paying for stupidity. And I'd prefer to not be praying I find an artist who can do something great with the star without covering half my chest.

You're lucky he hosed it up tbh. Tattooing a nautical star on your collarbone means you're claiming to be a Vor - basically a russian made man, and if the wrong person saw it in the wrong part of town you'd wind up getting it blow torched off your body at best

# ? Jul 6, 2017 01:30

MY PALE GOTH SKIN: Nov 28, 2006; meow

Otana posted:

Jesus Christ it's like a compendium of bad decisions.

That's why I shared it.

Garrand posted:

I like how this cautionary tale of regretting your first 2 tattoos ends with getting a 3rd tattoo from some junkie you paid in drugs. In spite of your experience you managed to lower the bar even more. It's not often you see a person fail to learn their lesson this hard.

I only did the third one, the coverup, because my neighbor was so convinced it was going to cause trouble he wouldn't walk down the loving street with me. Had me spooked. I'm not defending the kitchen wizard bit or.. anything else, best I can say is that I was paying people for things with prescription pain pills so obviously my judgment was poo poo.

LingcodKilla posted:

Some people are just make poor decisions in life. Frankly she's not dead or in jail so it could have been much much worse.

Exactly. I was a terrible decision machine for years. I'm fine with two lovely tattoos instead of a dead liver or brain damage or a police record.

Slugnoid posted:

You're lucky he hosed it up tbh. Tattooing a nautical star on your collarbone means you're claiming to be a Vor - basically a russian made man, and if the wrong person saw it in the wrong part of town you'd wind up getting it blow torched off your body at best

That's what it was! "Russian Mafia," my neighbor said. I couldn't remember which group, just that it was something that, with my luck and circles I ran in back then, it would get me hosed up.

Would it being hosed up make any difference? It was kinda obvious what I was going for.

# ? Jul 6, 2017 01:45

Slugnoid: Jun 23, 2006; Nap Ghost

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

That's what it was! "Russian Mafia," my neighbor said. I couldn't remember which group, just that it was something that, with my luck and circles I ran in back then, it would get me hosed up.

Would it being hosed up make any difference? It was kinda obvious what I was going for.

well they're usually done in prison with a sharp spoon and a copper wire so probably the more hosed up it looks the more authentic it is..

# ? Jul 6, 2017 02:09

StupidSexyVaultGuy: Jul 26, 2003

MY PALE GOTH SKIN posted:

That's what it was! "Russian Mafia," my neighbor said. I couldn't remember which group, just that it was something that, with my luck and circles I ran in back then, it would get me hosed up.

...I understand you are The Machine. You party with us tonight.

# ? Jul 6, 2017 04:58

MageMage: Feb 11, 2007; I SUCK AND LOVE TO YELL PERFORMATIVE HOT TAKES AND NONSENSE LIES WHEN I GET WORKED UP. SOMETIMES AUTOBANNED IS BETTER. MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN I STORM OFF I'LL ACTUALLY STOP SHITTING UP THE SITE FOR REAL