Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

A couple of months ago I found a mod for Skyrim that introduced bondage items to the game. It's silly (even though the mod makers take it way too seriously) but playing through the quests it had and seeing my character tied up with all those leather / latex times were probably the hottest things I have ever experienced. All the mindnumbing power of porn but interactive, I think I lost a week of my life playing, sometimes not even going to sleep before going to work.

Sadly, it lost its novelty after a while, I played through all the buggy mods/quests and there was nothing left. I stopped playing but I miss it so much. It hit so many buttons for me that now I find porn boring. I'm worried I broke my brain somehow. I'm currently single but even with previous partners I never experienced that kind of excitement for that long. What if I never experience it again?

Seems kinda counterproductive to me honestly

Like, killing barbarians and dragons etc is a power-fantasy type thing which doesn't seem to mesh well with the whole bondage gimp suit thing, but whatever floats your boat :shrug:

At any rate someone else once sent in a fesh about porn-modding other games (although I think Skyrim came up in that one too) so that's possible. Keep chasing your bliss

quote:

I run scams on the darknet drug markets, been going since around the demise of the first silk road. I got lucky and the makings of the first scam came to me really cheap- I was intending on vending legitimately but... too tempting.

I can get bulk deals on a few ounces of some great weed every month or two, then I give a few grams away as samplers to get attention. I would then sell grams/1/8ths for a bit genuinely to select customers while making a bunch of fraudulent purchases to boost my ratings, and fake reviews on relevant forums/reddit until I had a healthy feedback built up- (the markets don't care as they take a small cut when you make the bitcoin transfers for the fake purchases). Xanax was really cheap a year or two back, and I got a horrific amount in bulk at the time- easier to package as you don't need to worry about the smell in the mail.

Then I would offer great deals (with much advertising) on larger quantities but only for people who FE'd- who finalised the payment before they got the goods. And the first few, I would come through on it. Orders would go through the roof, and all of it paid up front and emptied out of my account ASAP.

Then, magical things happen. People who are angry about their products not showing would send me more loving bitcoin on the promise of even more product. You can "accidentally" send people a half gram tester of weed when they wanted a thousand xanax bars, apologise profusely and they will order another thousand with the cash up front again while they wait for a resend of the first pack that will never come. And people. Keep. Falling for it. If someone seems doubtful, you appeal to their greed, and way too many times they fall for it hard.

Eventually when that vendor account is spent reputation wise or banned, I just roll onto the next one. I see other people doing the same trick too, some of them far less careful about appearing to be a different vendor (copy pasted adverts/same product pictures), but seemingly just as successful.

The rush from loving people over is almost half the reason I do it now. It's addictive. There's a fair amount of effort and a bit of risk from possessing and mailing the stuff but I'm white and late 30's and dress like a mormon so my odds of a random stop are pretty low. loving hate bitcoins, but they have made it so I will never have to do real work ever again.

Careful you don't get a hit put out on you lol

# ? Jul 14, 2017 14:13

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# ? May 9, 2024 23:27

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; What is the Matrix 🌐? We just don't know 😎.; Buglord

Theophany posted:

Yeah is that true or just a bullshit Guy Ritchie film reference? I've always been curious.

It's real. Every so often a serial killer with a hog farm gets busted.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 17:51

Unbelievably Fat Man: Jun 1, 2000; Innocent people. I could never hurt innocent people.

loquacius posted:

Careful you don't get a hit put out on you lol

Or you can pull the classic Bitcoin trick of hiring yourself out as a hitman to kill yourself.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 18:01

Viva Miriya: Jan 9, 2007

Unbelievably Fat Man posted:

Or you can pull the classic Bitcoin trick of hiring yourself out as a hitman to kill yourself.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 18:07

Zil: Jun 4, 2011; Satanically Summoned Citrus

Unbelievably Fat Man posted:

Or you can pull the classic Bitcoin trick of hiring yourself out as a hitman to kill yourself.

Hey if your motto is "anyone, anywhere, no questions asked" you can't start getting picky.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 18:55

Mr. Unlucky: Nov 1, 2006; by R. Guyovich

legalize all drugs

gently caress the cartels and nerd dipshit scammers

# ? Jul 14, 2017 19:37

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

Yo Darknet Goon, I apologize if this sounds like some old man poo poo, but here's the thing about THE Game:

If you don't have an exit strategy, you will eventually get rolled on. You need a Walter White style figure or goal that you are shooting for, and you have to BOUNCE when you get there.

If you are doing it for the thrill, the nature of enticement is such that eventually you will go for a big play to get big rocks off, and the person who you scammed will have organized crime connections, find you, and hurt you and your family.

Pick a reason for needing the money, make the munny, get out. Don't keep poking the bear, it will eventually wake up and follow you home.

If you play the game long enough, you've got to lose.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 19:58

TTerrible: Jul 15, 2005

Disregard above post. Keep going. Dark net markets are so obsessed with anonymity you'll be fine.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 20:20

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

TTerrible posted:

Disregard above post. Keep going. Dark net markets are so obsessed with anonymity you'll be fine.

There's literally no downside!

# ? Jul 14, 2017 21:04

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

It is possible to have bondage themed sex with other human beings. lots of people are into that. You know what you must do.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 21:07

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Jim Barris posted:

It is possible to have bondage themed sex with other human beings. lots of people are into that. You know what you must do.

Yes, the way is clear. He must download bondage mods for Witcher 3 and Horizon Zero Dawn.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 21:24

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Jim Barris posted:

It is possible to have bondage themed sex with other human beings. lots of people are into that. You know what you must do.

Kidnap rihanna, whips and chains excite her i heard

# ? Jul 14, 2017 21:46

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

Unbelievably Fat Man posted:

Or you can pull the classic Bitcoin trick of hiring yourself out as a hitman to kill yourself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEuiivPLVIc

# ? Jul 15, 2017 03:12

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I'm over 30 years old and still work as a pizza delivery boy. It's the best I can do; I failed out of high school and never felt the motivation to get my GED. I'm pretty loving pathetic but that's not the confession.

The only way I can pay my bills is through Ubering. While doing this I started getting a lot of business from a particularly lovely part of town. So I hung around there a lot and started msking good money, mostly driving people to the courthouse, the unemployment office, a local drug testing place, and the doctor.

Anyway, one day my passenger is nervous as gently caress and I ask why. He says he's going to fail his drug test and gently caress his probation up. We keep talking and he eventually offers me cash for my urine. I'm clean and agree. He evidently passed because, since then, dudes will come up to me while I'm driving and ask for a bag of my pee.

So yeah, I'm a 30 year old man surviving by selling his urine to druggies.

no objections here

quote:

There was a raccoon in my walls a few days ago, he must have come in through the open garage door somehow, I dunno. I told my wife we could just let it go and it would work its way out eventually, but after 4 days, we realized it had gotten stuck.

My wife is a vegetarian and super pro-animal rights, so she told me to call a professional to safely let him go free. I lied and said I did and took a day off work to "meet with the expert".

On my day off I took a long drillbit amd drilled into the wall. I heard the raccoon scampering like crazy and it started screeching. I pulled out the drill and pushed it in again, intending to scare it out of the wall. I felt the drill hit something squishy, heard a terrifying screech, and then pulled out my drill bit. It was covered in blood and some bits of flesh and fur.

I still heard scampering so I poked the drill back in 6 more times until the noises stopped. I ended up cutting up the wall and there was the raccoon corpse, all mangled because of me. I scooped it into a plastic bag and put it in the trash can. Then I cleaned up the wall and started work onfixing the wall.

When my wife got home I said the guy had to cut open the wall, but we got the raccoon out. She believes me and is gonna help me paint the patch this weekend.

The whole time I was drilling into the wall I had a massive erection, one of the biggest in my life. We had sex a few days later and I thought about the mangled raccoon at one point. Didn't lose my erection, in fact I felt a little twinge of pleasure.

I took out the trash the next day and case closed.

I was on your side until you started talking about your boner

# ? Jul 15, 2017 03:20

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Selling pee goon, if you want real money start telling people they can leave bags in your car and you'll drive them somewhere for a fee.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 03:40

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Racoon murder fetish goon: What the gently caress. You "accidently" killed a racoon that was in your walls, fine. I was with ya up to that point. Then poo poo took a left turn.

You think this is the end but you have racoon sex-rabies. In a few days you'll start foaming at the mouth with a rock hard erection and an insatiable lust to murder racoons and mmediately have sex afterwards. Not with the racoons obviously. You're not a wierdo.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 04:13

Leave: Feb 7, 2012; Taking the term "Koopaling" to a whole new level since 2016.

Raccoon sex guy

That's just about the first confession where I literally just :stare:

at my phone.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 04:16

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

quote:

I run scams on the darknet drug markets, been going since around the demise of the first silk road.

Surely you mean the second Silk Road?

# ? Jul 15, 2017 04:18

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Leavemywife posted:

Raccoon sex guy

That's just about the first confession where I literally just at my phone.

Clearly you haven't been in this thread long enough.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 04:19

Leave: Feb 7, 2012; Taking the term "Koopaling" to a whole new level since 2016.

SciFiDownBeat posted:

Clearly you haven't been in this thread long enough.

The weird thing is, I've been reading this thread for a long time. I don't know why raccoon murder boner is so loving bizarre to me.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 04:21

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

loquacius posted:

no objections here

I was on your side until you started talking about your boner

He made the rookie mistake. What he needed to do was put another raccoon in his wall so they could team up to get out. Now he has the racoon meat lust and will never be satisfied again.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 06:41

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Leavemywife posted:

Raccoon sex guy

That's just about the first confession where I literally just at my phone.

As soon as he mentioned the boner I got this thread's standard mix of disappointment at it being obviously fake but also laughing hard at how absurd it is.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 08:20

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Incoherence posted:

Sometimes people wonder whatever happened to the white people who are in pictures from civil rights protests harassing the protesters. I guess we found one, and the answer is "he's still super loving racist".

KomodoWagon posted:

This is 100% the case, always. People don't improve.

I listened to a pretty good radio show the other day related to this- it's about a famous image from the protests in Birmingham and a statue derived from it. Interestingly, it turns out that the whole story was totally and completely different from the narrative around it, even if that narrative was for a good cause.

http://revisionisthistory.com/episodes/14-the-foot-soldier-of-birmingham

Play fucked around with this message at 09:23 on Jul 15, 2017

# ? Jul 15, 2017 09:09

StupidSexyVaultGuy: Jul 26, 2003

Up next on Craigslist's Casual Encounters of the Day:

35 M - Help me satiate the raccoon blood lust of my raging boner

# ? Jul 15, 2017 09:17

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

vortmax posted:

Hairy rear end dude, you need a bidet attachment. It's the only civilized way to go.

Truth. There's a lot of making fun of asians and their making GBS threads habits in this forum, but in asia most toilets have a little water gun for that purpose. It's SOOOO much more hygienic. Toilet paper rightfully disgusts me now. I mean think about it, you're just wiping poo poo around your rear end in a top hat. Do you really think that it will all magically disappear by wiping it with paper? No, it will lurk downstairs as a rancid film around your rear end in a top hat and in your butt hairs until you take your next shower.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 09:43

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

so that's why I poo poo in the shower

# ? Jul 15, 2017 09:55

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

I'm Asian

# ? Jul 15, 2017 09:56

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Leavemywife posted:

The weird thing is, I've been reading this thread for a long time. I don't know why raccoon murder boner is so loving bizarre to me.

So sexual monkey murder doesn't phase you?

# ? Jul 15, 2017 11:35

Anton Chigurh: Mar 18, 2008; Can't post for 9 years!

Theophany posted:

As soon as he mentioned the boner I got this thread's standard mix of disappointment at it being obviously fake but also laughing hard at how absurd it is.

Yeah, fake to be sure. However, one of the most disturbing serial killer accounts I've ever read was of Andrei Chikatilo. He had great difficulty with impotence even from a young age, but would ejaculate while stabbing or slashing his victims.

Hopefully raccoon boner goon will be satisfied with the memory of his kill and won't be tempted to murder other furry woodland creatures, or anything else to get himself off.

Anton Chigurh fucked around with this message at 22:18 on Jul 15, 2017

# ? Jul 15, 2017 22:12

Viva Miriya: Jan 9, 2007

holy poo poo

# ? Jul 15, 2017 22:16

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I still think the most disturbing serial killer thing is Edmund Kemper loving the mouth of his mother's severed head. That's just, like, too far man.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 22:18

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Solice Kirsk posted:

I still think the most disturbing serial killer thing is Edmund Kemper loving the mouth of his mother's severed head. That's just, like, too far man.

Was it the severed head or the fact it was his mom?

# ? Jul 15, 2017 22:34

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I think it was the age difference.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 22:35

JnnyThndrs: May 29, 2001; HERE ARE THE FUCKING TOWELS

Solice Kirsk posted:

I still think the most disturbing serial killer thing is Edmund Kemper loving the mouth of his mother's severed head. That's just, like, too far man.

Yup. What's even more disturbing is that I see Edmund Kemper pretty regularly, he's incarcerated at my place of employment. When I started there he walked with a cane, but he's mostly in a wheelchair now, he's getting on in years.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 22:39