Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

LingcodKilla posted:

Im not gay.

it says right there in the ad he's not gay

# ? Aug 5, 2017 21:17

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# ? May 9, 2024 22:43

Slowpoke Rodriguez: Jun 20, 2009

Super Waffle posted:

Isn't a high pitched voice sometimes an indicator of childhood sexual abuse?

In old episodes of Loveline they noticed a corrolation between women callers having young "little girl" voices and having been molested, something about arrested development from trauma. I would hesitate to extrapolate from a radio call-in show though.

# ? Aug 5, 2017 22:04

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Theophany posted:

In the same way as having brown hair is sometimes an indicator that you once ate eggs then, yeah, sure.

Huh, my hair is brown and I have eaten eggs. This checks out.

# ? Aug 5, 2017 22:05

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Slowpoke Rodriguez posted:

In old episodes of Loveline they noticed a corrolation between women callers having young "little girl" voices and having been molested, something about arrested development from trauma. I would hesitate to extrapolate from a radio call-in show though.

as a trained :airquote:

data scientist :airquote:

I feel obligated to point out that "women who call into loveline" is not a representative sample

# ? Aug 6, 2017 05:38

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

We grew up in a very sexual home, and the parenting was shite. I was doing drugs at the age of twelve, and was sexually involved with girls starting at around the fifth grade. I was allowed to look at porn my whole life. People think cousins are bad, but I've had sex with all of my step-sisters multiple times (I have more than a couple). At one point or another my parents have encouraged us to be together, since we get along well and we couldn't find anyone else. They've all confessed love for me at one time or another, usually wanting to hook up or run off together. I developed a lot of bad habits and conditions out of how I was raised, and I don't speak to anyone in my family anymore after one of my stepsisters came to my house while I was passed out drunk, home alone, and raped me. Since it would ruin my marriage and no one would believe me anyways(male rape doesn't exist right), I figure that's all I can do. Haven't drunk alcohol since then, though.

Nowadays my "ritual" is in the form of masturbating to the Facebook photos of my wife's friends. When they come over to our house, I act like I'm texting and take photos of them. I also hack her iMessage since they share bikini photos and others do yoga and such. I don't have any thoughts about rape, hurting anyone, or anything like that, I'm just attracted to them and pictures are nice to have. My wife and I have always had frequent, great sex, and in my sick twisted mind I don't see my habits as related to our relationship.

I've tried church, meditation/mindfulness, Sex Addicts Anon, counselors, therapists, and reading and practicing coping skills on my own. 10 years of trying to get bettetr and I'm still stuck in the poo poo.

Meanwhile my wife and everyone around me has zero clue. I work hard in a lucrative field, own a home, three brand new vehicles, and make a six-figure income. Now that I turned 34 this year, I've learned I can do anything in the world except fix myself. Don't gently caress up your kids.

When my life eventually explodes I'll probably move to the coast or Colorado so I can just smoke weed until I die.

"We grew up in a very sexual home" is a funny statement in a vacuum but this one got weird as it went on

Anyway you should probably stick to regular porn, you seem to hate yourself for your creepin habits anyway

A followup from the guy who got molested and people think he's gay:

quote:

To respond a little: I do worry about others' perception of the abuse in terms of their connecting it to questioning my sexuality. This doesn't come up, becuase I've only told one person outside a counseling office. But I do wonder about how and when to talk about in romantic relationships. I don't think my speaking voice is because of the abuse? I've talked to doctors about it, and they didn't suggest any connection. Thank you goons for responding to me.

# ? Aug 6, 2017 22:44

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

I think one of the things that really sucks about specific bad stuff happening to you when you're young (not that it should happen at all obv) is that later it can be hard to like, determine what you'd be like if that hadn't happened to you. People are always in the process of forming and changing their personalities but when you can't remember much from before a thing happened it can feel like it defines you. But I think the question of 'how much of me is because of this' isn't a super helpful one especially when there's nothing inherently wrong with the traits you're worrying about. There's not really any way to tell if your voice would be different if this one thing was changed but like... I suspect your voice is just your voice and it's probably more physiological than psychological. Good luck sorting through this though.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 00:43

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

quote:

and the parenting was shite. I was doing drugs at the age of twelve

own a home, three brand new vehicles, and make a six-figure income

Yeeeaaaaah, these two things don't belong together.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 02:14

A Strange Aeon: Mar 26, 2010; You are now a slimy little toad; The Great Twist

"They gently caress you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were hosed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself."

Or have kids and don't gently caress them up as badly as your folks hosed you up.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 04:06

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Congratulations on getting horny for your wife's friends, nobody else on earth has that happen to him

# ? Aug 7, 2017 04:36

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Sounds like he wants his life to blow up honestly. Or maybe gets off on the idea that it could.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 05:16

Neutrino: Mar 8, 2006; Fallen Rib

Gynovore posted:

Yeeeaaaaah, these two things don't belong together.

I don't get it. I was smoking weed since ninth grade. Still enjoy it from time to time. My wife and I make six figures and both are well regarded professionals. There are a significant number of drug users who aren't addicts living in a trailer park.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 13:10

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

shhh its like drinking, we'll have another 3 page derail on saying nope to dope

# ? Aug 7, 2017 14:46

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

The only fesh I have in the queue today is a porn recommendation

quote:

My super secret maximum indulgence all alone pleasure is to get really drunk/high, get into VR, turn on the looping audio of the Eyes Wide Shut soundtrack ritual track, then full naked lubed up jerk off to an Eyes Wide Shut Naughty America VR Porn Parody called "Fidelio" and fully immerse myself in the fantasy that I am at that party and it totally works and it is a completely surreal jerk. It is better than actual real sex by far.

Anyway I dunno why I'm sending this anonymously I think it's amazing as gently caress and I don't regret it at all. I am both bragging about it and totally 100% recommending it.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 15:31

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

loquacius posted:

The only fesh I have in the queue today is a porn recommendation

You know, I'm sure goons are gonna pile in here to call this guy some kind of creepy sex pervert, but I'm glad that he's out there on the porn frontier, doing the research that needs to be done.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 16:18

Altared State: Jan 14, 2006; I think I was born to burn

Sounds like something another user did.

gentle pete posted:

At the risk of sounding like a sex crazed pervert...

I have a sex toy called "Venus 2000", or now "Venus for Men". Im sure you're all familiar with the sybian, well this is the male equivalent.

Lube it up, turn it on and it starts sucking and stroking on your cock like an insatiable cock whore. The thing I like about it is that it can go for hours as long as you keep lubed up. Ive gone as long as three hours while edging before. The best thing about the venus by far is the fact that it can stroke your cock with or without an erection, it doesn't care one bit since it sucks you in, and strokes off your dick with air pressure.

Anyways, a while ago I got this hair brained idea to get a bunch of audio clips of women getting hosed from all sorts of sources. But only of women getting hosed by men, or sucking on a dick. Wrote up a quick bash script on the computer to randomly play them. Longer clips get played one after another at random with shorter clips overlapping. Now I was set.

My boyfriend prepared 35 mg of 4acodmt for plugging while I got the venus ready. This was going to be a long duration experience so I opted for the silicone lube that lasts forever.

I lubed up, got the stroking part on my dick, plugged the 4aco, and laid back. My boyfriend put my blindfold on me, shackled my wrists and ankles and put the headphones on me.

He was listening to the audio through the laptop and controlling the Venus's stroke speed and the stroke height to match the audio. You can have it stroke as slow as 3 times a minute, to faster than your hand can go at 300/minute. And by way of a second control box you can control how deep it sucks your dick inside. You can have it be deep throating during practically the whole stroke or riding right up on top of the head.

At first I was hard as a rock at the thought of the experiment, but I started getting nervous about ten minutes in when the heavy dose of psilocetin started to alert. I was worried that I sjould have done some better editing of the sound clips, they were cutting in and out pretty harsh and thought for a while that would detract from the experience. Soon enough it didn't matter.

As the veil started to lift in my minds eye the moans and grunts and whimpers and calls to gently caress "harder" and "faster" and shouts and screams of ecstacy turned into a rolling broiling cacaphony of auditory ecstacy.

Ever since the dawn of man, gods have come to walk amongst us and laid their seed in our women. These goddesses had now had enough. They all descended from the various heavens and chosen me for their sole act of defiance. One by one they seduced me and begged for my seed. "Oh, oh baby I want you inside me." A gentle soft spoken and timid goddess whispered. I hosed her niiiice and slow. Another goddess interupted shouting for me to go "faster uh uh faster, yeah yeah yeah"

As my mind went ever more under the influence of the drug everything became chaotic and overlapped. I was being used by a dozen goddesses as their plaything being tossed back and forth between them like a ragdoll. For a while I begged for them to stop to no avail. Multiple times I felt myself getting soft but they kept sucking on my dick, and their vaginas turned into twisted slimy creatures unto themselves that slurped and pulled and grabbed at my limp dick incessantly until I was once again taken by the ecstacy and restored to full vigor.

The peak was so chaotic and confusing i cant even begin to express it. I was for sure being raped. I know I wanted them to stop. I begged them to. But at the same time I was in ecstacy.

I do remember the orgasm building up. Slowly, carefully. The goddesses had one shot and it had to be perfect. I had to hold it back. It had to a strong orgasm. Not just a big one but the strongest most powerful orgasm ever imagined by a human. For a moment they told me I would know what it feels like for Zeus himself to bust a nut. I came and she kept shouting at me "harder, harder HARDER!" My vision went nuts, i was seeing a field of white electric static and I felt it shooting throughout my body. I felt incredibly lucid mentally and remotely aware of my physical body. It was strainging against the restraints, grunting and growling like a caged beast. My p.c. muscles were contracting repeatedly over and over as they seamed to pump out all of my life force and sexual energy. The grunts and growls ftom my mindless body started to cede as more and more life force was being drained. The cacaphonous ecstacy of the goddesses slowly disappeared as my genitals still continued pumping into the alien orifice that kept massaging my cock for more.

The grunts from my body were rhythmic and uniform with the contractions. I was afraid. What had I done. They're going to take everything. Never the less i was still in pure unbridaled ecstacy the likes of which I could never express in words. Slowly over what seemed like an hour i felt the alien vagina sucking the last bits of sexual life force out of me while the contractions had stopped. I laid there in psychedelic blackness as that strange inhuman throbbing genital stayed attached slowly stroking my flacid cock in and out of itself. I was a play thing for the gods at a slumber party with too much wine. I was sucked dry and cast aside in the corner to be forgotten about for eternity with this autonomous disembodied genital forever attached to me.

"John." He spoke my name softly but it shattered my reality like sledgehammer. I gasped for breath and told him i was good and to untie me. I was still tripping slightly but i was well into the comedown by now.

I recorded a stream of consciousness accounting and laid together with my boyfriend in his arms

The next morning we compared notes and watched the recording. He kept a timeline during the experience which made watching the four hour recording much easier.

It was an amazing experience, but not something I'll ever repeat because for as amazing as it was, it was just as terrifying. It is by far though the best orgasm I've ever had.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 16:20

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

We Know Catheters posted:

Sounds like something another user did.

gentle pete is/was a low-effort gimmick account but I've gotta say this was a bit out of character for him or her. Looks like it took actual effort to come up with all that garbage.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 16:40

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

We Know Catheters posted:

Sounds like something another user did.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 17:07

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I'm bored at work waiting for a build someone else made me kick off for frivolous reasons and I can post more now so here

quote:

My husband and I have been together for almost a decade and married for 4 years. I am an ESL teacher and met him while I was teaching abroad in China. We dated long distance for a while, then he eventually legally immigrated to the US and we got married. I teach ESL online now and he works at a local Chinese restaurant and is going to school for electrical engineering.

My husband is wonderful except he is way too friendly. At least twice a week I come home from doing errands and find him having dinner with new people that he's randomly met. I am not exaggerating - he will randomly go talk to a person in a bathroom at a bar and, within 5 days, they've become best friends. I am nowhere near this sociable and find it draining sometimes. My husband is very understanding and doesn't expect me to socialize, but he doesn't turn it off. At all.

This weekend we were out on date night to go see a movie. He grabbed us popcorn and then met me in the theater. At the end of the show he said "hold on, have to say goodbye" and then personally said goodbye to the 5 people working at the concession stand and the ticket booth. And these were heartfelt goodbyes; these people were like "good luck at school".

There was a slight jealousy aspect initially - since my husband acts this way with men and women. But I'm long past that; now it's just odd.

One week I asked him to stop socializing. He said "no problem my love". We went to Arby's for lunch and while we were waiting, a woman walked in with a bunch of balloons in her arms. My husband looked at me like he was going to explode, I said "okay you can ask about the balloons". Long story short - she now does balloon art for the Chinese restaurant every Wednesday night.

I love my husband and don't see anything especially wrong with this. But it is annoying and it sometimes feels like the universe is against me.

Actually your husband owns

I dunno, if this is a cultural difference I haven't heard that stereotype before, but either way I say just let him know if you don't have the energy to Meet New People right now and otherwise just let him be him

quote:

I'm an extremely liberal progressive person, with a Facebook feed full of extremely liberal progressive people I like very much in person, most of whom I met in college. My confession is that sometimes I'm loving sick of their bullshit.

Like, earlier today one of my college friends reposted an article entitled "Twitter Shuts Down Man Who Claims Women's Clothing 'Isn't Sexist'" and I was like ARGH WHO loving CARES

Why do smart people who care a lot about important issues waste so much time on the subtle implications of which garments have usable pockets and what "Twitter" as a monolith thinks about that? Even if the presence or absence of pockets on clothing was the most important issue on Earth I don't think I'd care about a guy getting shut down on Twitter over it.

I think it was last year that one of my wife's old college friends posted a picture of himself flipping off a statue of Christopher Columbus and got hundreds of likes and it's just all so frivolous and again these are all very smart people who are very passionate about important things and apparently cannot tell the difference between said important things and dumb frivolous bullshit and I think that makes it even worse.

Ok thanks I was mad.

maybe like

don't go on Facebook if it makes you that mad? :shrug:

Personally I subscribed to the Clickhole Facebook page and most of the time I just kinda see a Clickhole thing, then scroll through my Facebook feed until I see the next Clickhole thing

The best part is that Facebook's algorithm has figured this out and sends me tons of Clickhole stuff all the time. Thanks, Zuck

# ? Aug 7, 2017 21:10

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

loquacius posted:

Actually your husband owns

Not to mention trying to cram him in a boring introvert box will just make him miserable so please dont do that friendo.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 21:14

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

quote:

Why do smart people who care a lot about important issues waste so much time on the subtle implications of which garments have usable pockets

It's incredibly annoying on a personal level to have your phone fall on the ground all the time, to stick things in your underwear and fish them out in public, to carry around a bag when you really only needed like two little things. They're not wrong for getting irritated about stuff like this any more than you are for scratching an itch even though WOW DONT YOU HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO CARE ABOUT

Also you can just tell facebook "don't show me any more from this source" and it won't, leading to like 90% less facebook aggravation. Imo facebook would be almost unusable otherwise. Someone you went to high school with liked fifty pics from Good Pupper Woof Doggos!!! Thanks for letting me know!!!

# ? Aug 7, 2017 21:20

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Facebook goon: are you Bill Maher? The Left are obsessed with poo poo that is irrelevant in the context of their inability to win elections. It's a virtuous circle jerk of 'look how loving progressive we are' whilst simultaneously being politically irrelevant.

It's just as depressing in the UK where our choice is a literal trapped in the closet Marxist or some weird Nurse Rached.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 21:30

Sten Freak: Sep 10, 2008; Despite all of these shortcomings, the Sten still has a long track record of shooting people right in the face.; College Slice

quote:

At least twice a week I come home from doing errands and find him having dinner with new people that he's randomly met. I am not exaggerating

If this is literal then no husband does not own because coming home to find strangers in your home at least twice a week would suck greatly. The rest of it would be annoying but that bit would never work. That sounds like dorm life or something.

# ? Aug 7, 2017 21:42

Question Time: Sep 12, 2010

Sten Freak posted:

If this is literal then no husband does not own because coming home to find strangers in your home at least twice a week would suck greatly. The rest of it would be annoying but that bit would never work. That sounds like dorm life or something.

Husband owns as long as he respects the boundary you are about to set of "no strangers in home without calling me first." Feel free to set any other boundaries that other normal people would usually agree with. Otherwise, adapt to having a very cool spouse.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 01:47

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

Being very friendly is NOT a China thing

# ? Aug 8, 2017 02:43

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

People that are overly nice put me on edge. Not as on edge as someone standing over me for more than a few seconds while I'm sitting, but still on edge.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 03:27

Sjs00: Jun 29, 2013; Yeah Baby Yeah !

Punch him in the dick

# ? Aug 8, 2017 04:42

Altared State: Jan 14, 2006; I think I was born to burn

Sjs00 posted:

Bite him in the dick

# ? Aug 8, 2017 04:52

mfcrocker: Jan 31, 2004; Hot Rope Guy

Theophany posted:

Facebook goon: are you Bill Maher? The Left are obsessed with poo poo that is irrelevant in the context of their inability to win elections. It's a virtuous circle jerk of 'look how loving progressive we are' whilst simultaneously being politically irrelevant.

It's just as depressing in the UK where our choice is a literal trapped in the closet Marxist or some weird Nurse Rached.

What do you have against Jam Dad :mad:

# ? Aug 8, 2017 09:09

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

mfcrocker posted:

What do you have against Jam Dad

Mostly apathy. He's got some good policies and some poo poo ones.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 09:29

F1DriverQuidenBerg: Jan 19, 2014

To the left dude just stop going on those parts of the internet. The left is frustrating as poo poo, especially considering Corbyn is the first guy in 20 odd years to run an election based on an economically left leaning platform and nobody really cared here in North America. It's easier to just read the "lol at trump" thread.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 12:34

Neutrino: Mar 8, 2006; Fallen Rib

To the woman with the overfriendly husband. My dad had that talent and it is a talent. He would bring people home to dinner all of the time. I have it to a milder degree but I find people interesting and it helps in my job as a manager. You should learn to roll with it and definitely don't harass him for this rare gift. I can see it become a problem if he's continuously meeting lovely ladies and getting their numbers but it doesn't sound like that is his objective. Of course that is something else my dad did but hey, let's not dwell on the negative. Encourage your husband because he will easily become a big time manager and/or politician.

To the Liberal Progressive: Get the gently caress off Facebook. It's algorithms are designed to turn everyone into retarded, simple-minded idiots who can become perfect consumers.

Neutrino fucked around with this message at 14:03 on Aug 8, 2017

# ? Aug 8, 2017 14:00

sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

wake up, sheeple

# ? Aug 8, 2017 18:25

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

Goon with overly friendly husband, cut off your dick

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:00

Shiki Dan: Oct 27, 2010; If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine

China husbando does indeed have a rare and valuable gift, and to be honest he'd be squandering it as an engineer (and being married to a boring shut-in) when he could probably make a ton more money as a salesman, manager, or politician.

Liberal goon, it's called "virtue signaling" and is a way for fuckwad millennial losers to "convince" other people that they are "good" enlightened people without actually doing anything worth of merit or thinking on their own.

# ? Aug 8, 2017 19:06

Stunt_enby: Feb 6, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Shiki Dan posted:

Liberal goon, it's called "virtue signaling" and is a way for fuckwad millennial losers to "convince" other people that they are "good" enlightened people without actually doing anything worth of merit or thinking on their own.

hbahahahahahahahaha
wait did you mean this or are you doing an impression of a diaper making GBS threads retard

# ? Aug 8, 2017 22:19

epsilon: Oct 31, 2001

Stuntman posted:

diaper making GBS threads retard

dont sign your posts

# ? Aug 8, 2017 22:46

Slowpoke Rodriguez: Jun 20, 2009

Slacktivism is a problem, but FYI the term "virtue signaling" is mostly used by the alt-right to accuse people speaking against racism/sexism/homophobia/etc of actually being racist/sexist/homophobic/etc. It's like when rapists assume everyone is a rapist

# ? Aug 9, 2017 01:48

Shiki Dan: Oct 27, 2010; If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine

No, it's used to designate people who are just worthless sacks of douche who simply want to seem like good people and fit in with their chosen group despite not actually giving a poo poo.

Apathy isn't necessarily equivalent to prejudice. To be prejudiced would at least require a modicum of thinking about people other than themselves.

# ? Aug 9, 2017 02:05

Slowpoke Rodriguez: Jun 20, 2009

"Virtue signaling" implies that they don't mean what they say, I guess you're staying with "diaper making GBS threads retard." A shame.

# ? Aug 9, 2017 03:22

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# ? May 9, 2024 22:43

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

diaper shittign retards disgust me. Im a pants making GBS threads retard likea real patriot

# ? Aug 9, 2017 03:26

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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