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  • Locked thread
Schlesische
Jul 4, 2012

I just want to point out:
1) Juice's numbers were terrible this year.
2) There are three goons in the top 100. Two of them have been on the same line for the last decade

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THE MACHO MAN
Nov 15, 2007

...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls
EWIC WINDROS IS BACK IN THE PWAYOFFS

Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


Hockles posted:

CGY gets: Gord Murphy
TOR gets: 2031 1st Round Pick, 2032 1st Round Pick, 2033 1st Round Pick, a prospect
:vince:

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

End of 2030-31 Season Update







NHL Awards
Stanley Cup Champions
Los Angeles Kings

Presidents Trophy (Best Regular Season Record)
Los Angeles Kings


Art Ross Trophy (Most Points)
Floaty McPylon -- Los Angeles Kings

Hart Memorial Trophy (League MVP)
Floaty McPylon -- Los Angeles Kings

James Norris Memorial Trophy (Best Defenseman)
Floaty McPylon -- Los Angeles Kings

Lady Byng Memorial Trophy (Best Sportsmanship & Gentlemanly Conduct)
Floaty McPylon -- Los Angeles Kings

Calder Memorial Trophy (Rookie of the Year)
O. Buzek -- Colorado Avalanche

Conn Smythe Trophy (Playoff MVP)
H. Klotz -- Los Angeles Kings

Vezina Trophy (Best Goaltender)
H. Klotz -- Los Angeles Kings

William M. Jennings Trophy (Goalie(s) on team with fewest Goals Against)
H. Klotz -- Los Angeles Kings

Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy (Perserverence, Sportsmanship & Dedication to hockey)
E. Rasanen -- Montreal Canadiens

Frank J. Selke Trophy (Best Defensive Forward)
T. Smithson -- Montreal Canadiens

Ted Lindsay Award (League MVP as voted by NHLPA)
Floaty McPylon -- Los Angeles Kings

Maurice "Rocket" Richard Trophy (Most Goals)
Touchdown Thomas -- New York Islanders





Upcoming Free Agents
DAL -- Anders Potetson
NYI -- Touchdown Thomas
NYR -- Ewic Windros
PHI -- Hugh Jass
PIT -- Aldrig Glomma
TB -- Yokozuna
WSH -- Puck Sonette
Jeremiah ThinkTank
Guy Fieri
Taro Tsujimoto
Scott Johns
Miracle Johnson


Comments
As expected, McPylon wins all of the awards this year, but didn't continue his dominance in the playoffs. Their goalie carried them to the Cup.
I don't expect much movement in the offseason this time. Probably a few more retirements.


http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2017 for complete stats

THE MACHO MAN
Nov 15, 2007

...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls
Windros with 29 PIM in 5 playoff games. I hope he killed at least 4 people

fits
Jan 1, 2008

Love Always,
The Captain
taro tsujumoto is still available in free agency! call now, operators are standing by!

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

fits posted:

taro tsujumoto is still available in free agency! call now, operators are standing by!

yellowcar
Feb 14, 2010

Puck is gonna retire a Cap. Cupless and aimlessly wandering forever.

Kilza
Oct 4, 2013

First d-man to win the Hart since Pronger in 2000. First d-man to win the Ted Lindsay since Bobby Orr in 1975. Another Cup. Another Lady Byng. No second Conn Smythe, but that's the only thing Belarussian Superstar Floaty McPylon missed out on this season.

Only 29 years old, too. One of the best d-men ever with a few good years still ahead for him. :getin:

Yaya
Nov 14, 2012

vancloober cablucks
Gord "Gordie" Gordon is a career Hurricane which is kinda cool but man, he had that one amazing year with the All-Star selection and going point per game in the Playoffs and nearly winning the cup, but him and Carolina just can't compete against the Goon Superstars =(

Furnaceface
Oct 21, 2004




Yaya posted:

Gord "Gordie" Gordon is a career Hurricane which is kinda cool but man, he had that one amazing year with the All-Star selection and going point per game in the Playoffs and nearly winning the cup, but him and Carolina just can't compete against the Goon Superstars =(

Be thankful. Poor Nippon left Carolina thinking anything could be better and ended up in Anaheim which appears to be currently run by player-coach Kevin Bieksa.

barnold
Dec 16, 2011


what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot
there's always next year, Tommy....... :(

Ergo Propter Hog
Jul 21, 2014



Holy poo poo, hugh can actually get away! Go!

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

2031 Offseason News

Notable Retirements
Alex Galchenyuk
Filip Forsberg
Johnny Gaudreau
Mark Sheifele
Max Domi
William Nylander
JT Compher
Andrei Vasilesvskiy
Matt Murray
Full Lists: http://imgur.com/a/AUlxe - http://imgur.com/a/IRaBq - http://imgur.com/a/sRjKf


Transaction News
NYI -- re-signed Touchdown Thomas to a $56.1mil/5yr contract
NYR -- re-signed Ewic Windros to a $16mil/2yr contract
PHI -- re-signed Hugh Jass to a $21.3mil3yr contract
TB -- re-signed Yokozuna to a $44/8mil/4yr contract
WSH -- re-signed Puck Sonette to a $10.2mil/2yr contract

WSH -- signed Aldrig Glomma to a $1.9mil/1yr contract
EDM -- signed Anders Potetson to a $4.5mil/2yr contract

Unsigned
Ogie Ogilthorpe III
Jeremiah ThinkTank
Guy Fieri
Taro Tsujimoto
Scott Johns
Miracle Johnson



2031-32 Opening Night Info
ANA -- Nippon Ichi is a 3rd CHK Line FWD
ARZ -- Southie Paux is a 2nd Line FWD
BOS -- Quayden Aydin is a 1st Line FWD
BOS -- Jus Poost is a 1st Line FWD
CGY -- Gord Murphy is a Top 2 DEF
CAR -- Gord Gordon is a 2nd Line FWD
COL -- Soup Athanatos is 1st Line FWD
COL -- Aunt Jemima is a 1st Line FWD
EDM -- Anders Potetson is a Depth FWD
FLA -- Bernie Sanders is a 2nd Line FWD
LA -- Coach Hockles is a 1st Line FWD
LA -- Floaty McPylon is a Top 2 DEF
MIN -- Kaido Hoovelson is a Top 4 DEF
MIN -- Aejix Dundee is an Elite Goalie
MTL -- Stanley Matthews III is a 2nd Line FWD
MTL -- Cruz McBroozer is a 2nd Line FWD
NSH -- Potatoes O'Bourke is a Top 4 DEF
NYI -- Touchdown Thomas is a 1st Line FWD
NYR -- Ewic Windros is a 2nd Line FWD
PHI -- Bubba Biscuits is a 3rd CHK Line FWD
PHI -- Hugh Jass is a Top 4 DEF
PIT -- Stabby McStabson is a Depth FWD
SJ -- Bavel Bortnik is a Top 2 DEF
TB -- Yokozuna is an Elite Goalie
WSH -- Aldrig Glomma is a 4th Line FWD
WSH -- Jack Bauer is a 2nd Line FWD
WSH -- Puck Sonette is a 3rd SCR Line FWD
WPG -- Mulkku Paskiainen is an Elite Goalie


Unsigned
Ogie Ogilthorpe III
Jeremiah ThinkTank
Guy Fieri
Taro Tsujimoto
Scott Johns
Miracle Johnson


Comments
I missed Ogilthorpe in the last update, but his contract expired and was not re-signed

Ergo Propter Hog
Jul 21, 2014



Hockles posted:

PHI -- re-signed Hugh Jass to a $21.3mil3yr contract

More like huge moron

yellowcar
Feb 14, 2010

Welcome back, Glomma!

2 more years of angry tiny man.

Anders
Nov 8, 2004

I'd rather score...

... but I'll grind it good for you

Hockles posted:

2031 Offseason News


EDM -- signed Anders Potetson to a $4.5mil/2yr contract
Noooooo

Hockles posted:

EDM -- Anders Potetson is a Depth FWD


Sweet, Califorina here I come

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPgAb9EYlrc

barnold
Dec 16, 2011


what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot
the worlds richest stanley cup loser, touchdown tom

checksin
Nov 23, 2006

I joined the new sensation, the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

:chillout:

he knows...
Yokozuna continually getting those four year deals is so strange to me

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

2032 All-Star Break Update






All-Stars
Pacific - Coach Hockles (6th selection)
Pacific - Bavel Bortnik (9th selection)
Pacific - Floaty McPylon (9th selection)
Central - Aunt Jemima (10th selection)
Central - Aejix Dundee (9th selection)
Atlantic - Bernie Sanders (1st selection)
Atlantic - Quayden Aydin (10th selection)
Atlantic - Jus Poost (11th selection)
Atlantic - Yokozuna (5th selection)
Metropolitan - Touchdown Thomas (11th selection)


Transaction News
1/28/32
MTL gets: 2032 1st Round Pick, a prospect
SJ gets: Cruz McBroozer


Notable Stats
Aydin leads the NHL in Points, Thomas & Bortnik are 5th
Thomas & Bortnik lead the NHL in Goals, Poost is 3rd
Bortnik is 2nd in +/-, Thomas is 4th
Top 6 in PIM: O'Bourke, Windros, Jemima, Biscuits, McBroozer, Murphy


Comments
McStabson finally is back to playing in the NHL
Boston is starting to fall off a bit
McBroozer gets traded just before the ASG


http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2017 for complete stats

Aye Doc
Jul 19, 2007



bavel bortnik doing everything he possibly can to will san jose to victory and the cheater rear end kings with their 2 goon stars are still besting the sharks :(

THE MACHO MAN
Nov 15, 2007

...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls
so Windros doubled his shooting % or something because he's his normal season goal total at half way :stonk:

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
the gently caress you doing bubbers this spuds guy is eating our lunch in PIM

checksin
Nov 23, 2006

I joined the new sensation, the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

:chillout:

he knows...
Tampa doing it for old man yoko

Rotten Cookies
Nov 11, 2008

gosh! i like both the islanders and the rangers!!! :^)

A trade!

aunt jenkins
Jan 12, 2001

Back in the ASG and back in the basement standings-wise :confuoot:

Athanatos
Jun 7, 2006

Est. 1967

aunt jemima posted:

Back in the ASG and back in the basement standings-wise :confuoot:

I think I gave up on life

barnold
Dec 16, 2011


what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot
I just want tommy to win one more Stanley before he retires, is that too much to ask for?

Bradf0rd
Jun 16, 2008

Agent of Chaos
Potatoes is traded from one dumpster fire to another and appears to be rather upset about it looking at his PIMs and hits...or I can just take the Aunt Jemima view and :homebrew:

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

End of 2031-32 Regular Season Update





Transaction News
3/1/32
LA gets: Aldrig Glomma
WSH gets: 2033 3rd Round Pick, 2 prospects


3/2/32
WSH gets: 2032 3rd Round Pick, a prospect
COL gets: Puck Sonette
COL assigned Puck Sonette to San Antonio of the AHL


Notable Stats
Aydin lead the NHL in Points, Thomas was 2nd, Poost was 5th
Thomas lead the NHL in Goals, Bortnik was 2nd, Aydin was 3rd, Poost was 4th
Aydin finished 3rd in +/-, Poost was 4th, Thomas was 5th
Top 4 in PIM - O'Bourke, Windros, Biscuits, Jemima


Comments
Boston didn't make the playoffs for the first time in like 10 years
Washington tried to purge their team of goons, guess American Hero Jack Bauer made the cut
I think Sonette had to stay in the AHL for salary cap reasons
Potatoes hit 300 PIM for the first time in this sim!
Aydin should be back to winning all the trophies
Yokozuna might get his first taste of winning awards


http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2017 for complete stats

Kilza
Oct 4, 2013

Floaty McPylon unfortunately died after being the best player in the league last season. :rip:

Also the Kings are acquiring all the goons now.

checksin
Nov 23, 2006

I joined the new sensation, the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

:chillout:

he knows...
DO IT FOR YOKO YOU SANDBAGS

THE MACHO MAN
Nov 15, 2007

...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls
Potato's TOI climbs almost as fast as his PIMs. He basically line changes by punching someone in the head and going to the box

Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


Eat poo poo, Toronto!

Aye Doc
Jul 19, 2007



Hockles posted:

Aydin should be back to winning all the trophies

except for the mothafuckin Norris, b*tches. Bavel is king again! LA may have the far superior team but nobody gets swept with class quite like the Sharks

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
Taters get 300 PIM while you don't even get 200 Bubba? You disgust me.

Bradf0rd
Jun 16, 2008

Agent of Chaos

THE MACHO MAN posted:

Potato's TOI climbs almost as fast as his PIMs. He basically line changes by punching someone in the head and going to the box

That's how you play defense. :manning:

mentholmoose
Nov 5, 2009

YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET
Oh no! Not Agent Jack Bauer's goon buddies!

Jack Bauer will have his vengeance on the Canadian NHL terrorists! :911:

yellowcar
Feb 14, 2010

Hockles posted:

3/2/32
WSH gets: 2032 3rd Round Pick, a prospect
COL gets: Puck Sonette
COL assigned Puck Sonette to San Antonio of the AHL

oh...

oh noooooo.... :stonk:

At least the weed is legal Uh cowboys and bbq yeehaw

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Furnaceface
Oct 21, 2004




Nippon has turned out to be more of an Andrew Shaw than a Corey Perry. :smith:

Also the Ducks suck. Someone in Boston put in a good word for me.

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