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Those sex scenes are insane but I still can't stop thinking about shartball, and probably never will
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 05:45 |
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# ? Jun 8, 2024 07:02 |
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Okay, so, never getting a Maine Coon then. I don't need to deal with a cat with... chybuts.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:10 |
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someone awful. posted:Those sex scenes are insane but I still can't stop thinking about shartball, and probably never will This is exactly the point where I lost it. Boringly bad books are a dime a dozen. This? This is something special. PYF terrible book: SHARTBALL
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:12 |
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Please tell me there is more about shartball, I must know its secrets.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:13 |
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Sadly, I only see one other mention, on page 29: "He left the rest of his lunch uneaten. Children ran around the yard playing Shartball in small groups." I don't know why it's capitalized there and lowercase later. Edit: I decided to substitute this line for the other one in my original post. Sham bam bamina! has a new favorite as of 06:31 on Aug 11, 2017 |
# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:21 |
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If I watched small groups of children play Shartball, I too would likely leave the rest of my lunch uneaten, especially if said lunch was in the blast radius
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:50 |
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Sham bam bamina! posted:The uncut version, as Heinlen wrote it, is 655 pages long. This is horrifying. Maybe even moreso than shartball and the furred-chicken's shriveled husk of a third testicle.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 07:29 |
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there wolf posted:But in actual content, has anyone read Dan Simmons Hyperion series? I remembered loving it as a teen, and then made the mistake of rereading it. Raul Endymion isn't a strict Mary-Sue author insert, but instead the much more common type of insert that combines the authors aspirational vision of what a hero is with a presumed everyman outlook that's just the author's voice coming straight through.Three books building up the a resolution of great mystery, prophecy and the final conflict between mankind and the AI gods, all see from the viewpoint of an insecure boyfriend obsessing over what his girlfriend did on break. Should have let it all in the nostalgia pile. Hyperion and Fall Of Hyperion are both fantastic and can be read as one self contained story. Good cast of fleshed out characters, complex narrative, no weird sexual politics (that I can remember, don't quote me on that.) Endimyon and Rise Of Endimyon are God awful. They take place about 300 years after the first two, which was just to give Simmons an excuse to retcon inconvenient narrative points. One of the good guys from the first two books turns evil for no reason and reigns as the immortal space Pope. The book are presented as Raul's memoirs that he wrote in a tiny prison that's floating in space well after the main plot resolves itself. This prison is a tiny box that will release poison gas once the onboard random number generator hits a pre chosen digit. Somehow he still has time to write the two decent sized books After he finishes, he realizes out of nowhere that he can just teleport out of the goddamn box. That's how he saves himself. He was just to dumb to realize that he has loving superpowers.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 09:31 |
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For even more whiplash, Simmons' Ilium and Olympos are a duology. Ilium is a fascinating multilayered posthuman setup leading up a totally loving metal cliffhanger climax. Olympos parks all the fun stuff for half hte book then swerves into explaining how it was all the fault of evil Muslims.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 09:44 |
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xiw posted:For even more whiplash, Simmons' Ilium and Olympos are a duology. Ilium is a fascinating multilayered posthuman setup leading up a totally loving metal cliffhanger climax. Olympos parks all the fun stuff for half hte book then swerves into explaining how it was all the fault of evil Muslims. To be fair, Ilium has distinct tendencies in that direction. It talks about "effete liberals", there are lots of manly men being macho, a few side swipes at academics. Not enough to ruin the book but enough to distract. And I never quite bought how classic ancient heroes, no matter how badass, could possibly present a credible threat to post human armies. Book was really enjoyable tho'
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 09:56 |
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there wolf posted:I think Stranger in a Strange Land has some serious time-capsule value as a sample of what passed for progressive sexual politics back in the day. Like if someone tells you that the sexual revolution benefited men at the expense of women, just go read this book all about sexual liberation being a divine gift that will free us all where the two most significant women female characters literally become interchangeable at the end. I recall reading somewhere that Heinlein deliberately wrote SiaSL for anti-establishment youth. It's definitely a period piece: it reads like the Summer of Love and generation gap never ended. And late Heinlein novels are just full of sexy women who love being sexy. Charitably, I'd say he was just writing what his audience wanted. (Just like Neal Stephenson.)
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 10:06 |
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outlier posted:I recall reading somewhere that Heinlein deliberately wrote SiaSL for anti-establishment youth. It's definitely a period piece: it reads like the Summer of Love and generation gap never ended. late Heinlein was post-brain-damage so that probably contributed to the drop in quality
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 10:27 |
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grittyreboot posted:Hyperion and Fall Of Hyperion are both fantastic and can be read as one self contained story. Good cast of fleshed out characters, complex narrative, no weird sexual politics (that I can remember, don't quote me on that.) I didn't hate Endymion. It didn't have the mystery and dread of the first duology, but the tone shift didn't seem so out of place considering that you were following a child on a journey away from forbidden planet; the river journey had a bit of scifi mysticism to it, and it was neat to see the fallout of all the big poo poo from book two. Ending was weak as gently caress though. But the last book was just maddening. It has the worst, most shoe-horned in piece of some literary term for telegraphing a plot point way ahead of time? [spolier] Aenea is the messiah and destined to die, she also has some time bending powers. So she sends her lover Raul on some long quest so they're apart for years, then uses her powers to jump ahead in time to after her death, meet up with future-Raul and have a baby with him. She jumps back after a year in time to reunite with Raul, and then for no loving reason she tells him that while they were apart she had a baby. Wont explain who with or where it went just that it happened so he can obsess over it and pout, and boy does he ever. There's no purpose for it but to make you go ooohhhh at the end when they're reunited. Don't worry about Raul being all alone in a year when she bamfs off to meet her destiny I guess? [/spoiler]
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 11:27 |
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Speaking of Dan Simmons, how about Flashback?quote:Dan Simmons, for years familiar to fans of science fiction, fantasy, and horror, made his way to the general reader with two historical/horror hybrids. The Terror, published in 2007, was an enthralling and fantastical conjuring up of Sir John Franklin's doomed voyage in search of a Northwest Passage. Drood, appearing two years later, was a creepily ingenious extrapolation of Charles Dickens's unfinished last novel and his vexed friendship with Wilkie Collins. Then came last year's Black Hills, a less satisfying story that posited an American Indian's mystical union with the soul of General George Custer.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 13:13 |
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Suleman posted:Speaking of Dan Simmons, how about Flashback? Ahaha god drat. This is so goddamn masturbatory it should be listed in the erotic literature genre. Sexually frustrated housewives write stories where a trio of godlike Adonises pine after the protagonist and ravish her in increasingly infeasible ways, whereas politically frustrated conservatives write this. Also: quote:Then came last year's Black Hills, a less satisfying story that posited an American Indian's mystical union with the soul of General George Custer. What are the odds this ended with the native American eventually being convinced that Custer was cool and good and eradicating the Natives was kinda justified?
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 13:35 |
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Arcsquad12 posted:PYF terrible book: His third chybut sack swelled I'm considering getting it as an avatar, this is incredible.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:08 |
We need to read this whole book. It's too awful not to. I found the original series this is from. quote:On the cold distant world Aroriel -- where primate species never chitoryu12 has a new favorite as of 14:17 on Aug 11, 2017 |
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:13 |
Dan Simmons best work is phenomenal. But his bad stuff is some of the worst I've ever read. Not a whole lot of middle ground with him
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:47 |
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chitoryu12 posted:We need to read this whole book. It's too awful not to. chitoryu12 posted:I found the original series this is from.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 18:33 |
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Shartball aside (and boy I want to sort of do a Let's Read but no)Arcsquad12 posted:Like lovely fan fiction, this derail has gone on too long and the editor is handing back our first draft with a shitload of red ink Unless you're Snowdragon Icequeen with "Master of the Universe," aka E. L. James with the 50 Shades series. There are published copies of 50 Shades with very basic grammar errors (like a missing word or a misspelling) any editor should have caught along with things like a character's drive into Seattle described in detail...but from the wrong direction. James has literally blocked people on social media for pointing this out.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 18:46 |
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Perestroika posted:
I started to read the book but didn't get very far. IIRC there wasn't really much to the whole thing as Custer didn't realize he was dead/ever conversed with the Native guy. It was just the Native guy had a bizarre stream of consciousness ramble of Custer's thoughts in his head.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 21:24 |
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muscles like this! posted:I started to read the book but didn't get very far. IIRC there wasn't really much to the whole thing as Custer didn't realize he was dead/ever conversed with the Native guy. It was just the Native guy had a bizarre stream of consciousness ramble of Custer's thoughts in his head. If it didn't end with "Oh poo poo where did all these Indians come from" then the author missed a trick.
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# ? Aug 11, 2017 23:02 |
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# ? Aug 12, 2017 11:56 |
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Are we sure Dan Brown is a human, and not just a name slapped onto an AI trained to find patterns in an art history text book?
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# ? Aug 12, 2017 12:41 |
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That would imply his having actually read an art history textbook.
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# ? Aug 12, 2017 14:53 |
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I guess you're right. The Holy Blood and The Holy Grail isn't really an art history book.
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# ? Aug 12, 2017 17:00 |
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Labes for days posted:I'm considering getting it as an avatar, this is incredible. Live the dream.
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# ? Aug 12, 2017 17:50 |
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DarkDobe posted:Live the dream. I shall wear it proudly around the forums.
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# ? Aug 12, 2017 23:24 |
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Flashback posted:OMG THE LIBERALS WILL DOOM US ALL I simply cannot understand how people with these sort of political views can just be so unbelievably myopic. It's never enough to just theorize a few bad results from 'left leaning matters of importance': it has to be a world where gay people can force you to have sex with them on the street because TOLERANCE AND ACCEPTANCE IS KING and all the dirty foreigners took the Liberal's attempts to 'be nice' and used it to kick them down, squat over them, and take a big steaming dump while laughing and praising (INSERT CURRENT DISLIKED RELIGIOUS DEITY HERE). I think it comes, if anything, from a subconscious realization that their group has had a billion advantages and abused them terribly (as well as everyone else) and that if they even get the slightest chance the Evil Others will immediately try and do the exact same thing to them. It's like all of them have obsessively studied the French Revolution and learned all the wrong lessons (and masturbatory indulgences) from it.
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# ? Aug 14, 2017 18:25 |
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Labes for days posted:I shall wear it proudly around the forums. You've already managed to horrify me in completely unrelated threads.
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# ? Aug 16, 2017 06:36 |
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Cornwind Evil posted:I think it comes, if anything, from a subconscious realization that their group has had a billion advantages and abused them terribly (as well as everyone else) and that if they even get the slightest chance the Evil Others will immediately try and do the exact same thing to them. It's like all of them have obsessively studied the French Revolution and learned all the wrong lessons (and masturbatory indulgences) from it. There's a quote I heard a long time ago that "homophobia is the fear men will treat you the way you treat women." But I think it's more the fact that some people can't accept the idea that other people have examined all the same arguments and evidence and come to a different conclusion; it must actually be that they're either evil or incompetent or both.
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# ? Aug 16, 2017 12:10 |
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This sounds like a fantastic readquote:I will now summarize the bizzare "novel" a customer ("author") gave to me after she insisted I read it: https://www.facebook.com/bob.talbot/posts/10159222171120424
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# ? Aug 17, 2017 13:50 |
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Powaqoatse posted:This sounds like a fantastic read I vote you do a Let's Read of it.
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# ? Aug 17, 2017 16:57 |
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someone awful. posted:Those sex scenes are insane but I still can't stop thinking about shartball, and probably never will someone awful. posted:Those sex scenes are insane but I still can't stop thinking about shartball, and probably never will That bit has been popping into my head all week, and I can never answer when people ask why what I'm chuckling about.
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# ? Aug 17, 2017 17:26 |
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Proteus Jones posted:I vote you do a Let's Read of it. Sadly i am not Bob
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# ? Aug 17, 2017 18:48 |
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Powaqoatse posted:Sadly i am not Bob https://www.amazon.com/Defying-Odds-Renae-Marsh/dp/1548800783
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# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:10 |
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Ugly In The Morning posted:That bit has been popping into my head all week, and I can never answer when people ask why what I'm chuckling about. My roommates have a Maine Coon, and I bring up his withered husk of a chybut everytime he licks his crotch.
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# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:20 |
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Powaqoatse posted:This sounds like a fantastic read
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# ? Aug 18, 2017 06:30 |
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Ambitious Spider posted:Dan Simmons best work is phenomenal. But his bad stuff is some of the worst I've ever read. Not a whole lot of middle ground with him I couldn't finish The Terror, I found it incredibly tedious with plot points telegraphed from a mile away yet with every character being oblivious to them. I do remember Ilium being good though, mainly for the robot crab character but yeah the sequel was... strange. Assuming that's the one where half of it involved a dome in the Mediterranean filled with lizard men called caliban or whatever the gently caress it was.
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# ? Aug 18, 2017 08:43 |
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# ? Jun 8, 2024 07:02 |
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Powerful Two-Hander posted:I couldn't finish The Terror, I found it incredibly tedious with plot points telegraphed from a mile away yet with every character being oblivious to them. I liked it, wasn't great but good enough to make me feel a little bit exicted about the upcoming TV series. Speaking of Simmons, has anyone read Abominable?
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# ? Aug 18, 2017 10:43 |