CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

We folded our flag up like that at the end of the day in primary school and given as that was in an Australian state school with an Australian national flag I don't think it's some special "dead soldier funeral caskets ONLY" flag folding style. Either that or we were Very Serious about our flags. Given that we actually took our flag down when it rained and were told it's a mark of high disrespect to have a flag up in the rain, which doesn't seem to be a thing in the US, we may have just been Very Serious about flags.

Sir Lemming posted:

Like and Share this unless you hate are troops. Also let me tell you how John McCain is secretly responsible for all terrorist attacks

Mr. Bad Guy posted:

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

We folded our flag up like that at the end of the day in primary school and given as that was in an Australian state school with an Australian national flag I don't think it's some special "dead soldier funeral caskets ONLY" flag folding style. Either that or we were Very Serious about our flags. Given that we actually took our flag down when it rained and were told it's a mark of high disrespect to have a flag up in the rain, which doesn't seem to be a thing in the US, we may have just been Very Serious about flags.

SerialKilldeer posted:

I'm American and it's also considered disrespectful to leave flags up in the rain here, at least by Very Serious About Flags people. I actually recall being told by an elementary school teacher that if a flag got wet in the rain, it would have to be burned. Admittedly I live in Southern California, so leaving things out in the rain is rarely an issue.

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

YA BOY ETHAN COUCH posted:

I hate to be that guy but when I was a bartender I was serving a guy at the bar and he asked me to put on the Bruins game on the TV next to the Caps game that was on. I asked him if he was a fan and he said offhandedly, "yeah, I used to work for them" and I nodded and went on with my night. The next day my cousin (who worked at the bar with me) asked me how I felt serving "hockey royalty" and I was like what are you talking about? She told me that was Rod Langway, whos number is hanging from the Verizon Center and also worked for the Bruins' development squad as a coach.

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

Solo Wing Pixy posted:

shit_that_probably_happened.txt

Hell, if there was an explicit death threat written in there, or mysterious white powder in the envelope, I'd bump it up to definitely happened.

Zipperelli. posted:

The excessive use of "and" in the last line kills me.

"We hate blacks and Hispanics and poors and Jews and and and and..."

Solo Wing Pixy posted:

shit_that_probably_happened.txt

Hell, if there was an explicit death threat written in there, or mysterious white powder in the envelope, I'd bump it up to definitely happened.

Zipperelli. posted:

The excessive use of "and" in the last line kills me.

"We hate blacks and Hispanics and poors and Jews and and and and..."

quote:

I’ll Take The Whole Store For A Dollar

AT THE CHECKOUT, DOLLAR STORE, EXTRA STUPID, MASSACHUSETTS, MONEY, USA | RIGHT | AUGUST 17, 2017

(I work in a dollar store. Literally every single item in the store costs one dollar. It is generally a pretty easy concept, at least in the US, as dollar stores are everywhere. A woman comes in to the store and starts filling her cart with everything in sight. In less than five minutes she has a full cart, and she leaves it up front and grabs a second one to fill up. When the second cart is full she gets a third and fills it, and then she approaches me at the register with all the carts. I start to try and scan the items and she stops me.)

Customer: “You don’t need to bag these. I can just take these out in the carts. Here.” *hands me a single dollar bill*

Me: “Ma’am, I have to scan the items so I can charge you the correct amount. It looks like you have several hundred items here so that’s going to cost a lot more than one dollar.”

Customer: “Wait, what? I thought this was a dollar store. Everything I get is one dollar!”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am. Each single item costs one dollar. It’s not ‘take as much as you want’ for one dollar. If it was, the store wouldn’t make any money.”

Customer: “What the h***?! Your sign says ‘everything for one dollar,’ DOES IT NOT?”

Me: “Yes. Every item costs one dollar. That’s what the sign is referring to.”

Customer: “Well, thanks for wasting my time! I’m gonna report you for false advertising!”

(She then ran out of the store leaving her three full carts behind. It took me and my coworker a full two hours to put everything back on the correct places on the shelves. She had 337 items. I could maybe understand her confusion if she wasn’t from the US or had never heard of a dollar store, but she had a local accent so I have no idea.)

YA BOY ETHAN COUCH posted:

Reader's Digest, circa 1998

Comptroll The Forums posted:

Oh god, when I was a kid I used to flip through Reader's Digest just for those jokes and stories. I'll bet there's some real buried STDH treasure in those.

Trebek posted:

Readers Digest is home to my favorite stdh ever (angry bee dances complete discography being a close 2nd).

Robert Downey Jr Saved My Grandma

areyoucontagious posted:

I still laugh to myself whenever I think about those lovely images commemorating his stories. The silhouette of the dude in the tux was hilarious. Do you have a link to that thread?

angry bee dance posted:

Well, that probably started when I was very young. I grew up in a small town of about 1200 people with a big family, and I'm the smallest out of 2 brothers, 3 sisters. I used to get beaten unmercifully. Then I started going to school, and fighting was pretty normal. Nothing particularly nasty with what you see people getting their heads stomped on in youtube these days. Bloody nose, busted lips, maybe a baby tooth knocked out, cause back in the day, if there's a fight and someone went down, you waited till they got back up.

After high school, I moved to a small town (much bigger than where I grew up) much further south. I met an old Korean guy there, who taught a very small class what he called 'classical' Tae Kwon Do. It was nothing like what you see in the Olympics, as we used a lot of punches, elbows, and even a few throws. Still very heavy on the kicks, and I've got to thank him for giving me a spinning heel kick that'll take someone's head clean off their neck.

Unfortunately, my old Korean compadre died, and I moved onto Aikido. I did that for a couple of years, learned some very neato stuff. The techniques themselves weren't particularly useful, as the attacks that we practiced with were particularly unrealistic, but you learn how the body moves, the way force and motion flow. Failing all else it made me particular good at ridge hands, and using my forearms as offense and defence.

I moved into the Big Smoke, and found one of my old home town buddies. He was doing kick boxing at the time, but I found it fairly insipid. His dad hooked us up with a guy who taught him how to fight, and we went off to learn karate. Now THAT was hard. Some classes we'd just stand there and beat each other, no defense. Then we'd do push ups and sit ups while teach would belt us some more. I remember one time that after copping a hiding from each other for AN HOUR, he decided to test me out. He hit like a loving jackhammer, and kept one-twoing me in the stomach. After about 10 of these, my legs started folding in on me. 5 more, I was going down after each hit. I kept getting back up, and he'd keep knocking me back down. Repeat. I think it totaled out to about 50 one-twos until he called it quits. I was bruised for nearly 2 weeks, and I'd cough up a little bit of blood every so often over the first week after that. In saying that, he said that it was one of the most stupid, and impressive displays of mental discipline that he's ever seen. If I learned nothing else it was to never give up, no matter how bad you're hurt. Also, a lot of grappling, and close range combatives. Oh, and a jumping front kick with a range of over 4 metres. I'll have to practice that up, I haven't used it in ages.

Then, last year, teach got epilepsy. He's an older guy, but apparently a motorcycle accident that nearly killed him 20 years ago was the most likely cause. Put him on his meds, and his strikes became wildly inaccurate. Training with him guarantees you a trip to the hospital, and a long recovery. In a one on one fight, I've got nothing on this man. The stories he's got are incredible, and if you ever see him in action... Christ. It's not beautiful. It's terrible. It's terrible like God's fury.

This happened last year, and I was looking around for something new to learn, and I started going to Krav Maga. I wouldn't call this a martial art. I'm not quite sure what I'd call it. It's brutality, and viciousness, and pure functionality and efficiency all wrapped up into one. No wonder they teach it to the Israeli military. It's all nuts, eyes, throat, bone breaking, multiple opponents, improvised weapons, and gently caress everyone until they die. And then run away. HUGE on stress training. I'm having trouble consoling everything I know into this, but it's made me just one pure evil motherfucker when things go to hell. It taught me that rules don't matter, and fighting nice is for people we turn to mush. It's particularly brutal against people who fight professionally.

That, and I've got the personality for it. I'm exactly the same at play as I am at work. Call me names, whatever. Call a girl I'm with a whore, then you're looking for trouble. With that as a precursor, as soon as a hand is laid on anyone, then it's all over, no matter the numbers or the threat.

In saying all this, I recommend everyone learning to look after themselves at least a little bit. But I can't really recommend doing what I've done. It tends to ingrain itself into your behaviour, and changes you somewhat. Sometimes it's little things, sometimes it's big things. Sometimes you don't notice and it takes ages before a friend points it out to you. The other day I was out dancing (badly) with a girl. She's realized I'm an absolute poo poo dancer, so she's put her arms on my shoulders, grabbed her hands behind my neck, so I could just get away with doing the good ol' White Man Side to Side Shuffle. It took me a few minutes to realize that I hadn't wrapped my arms around her waist like you should to get good and close and get some mutual chest and pelvis grindage. Nope, my hands went up to her wrists, fingers one and two on her radial nerves. Ready to break a choke hold.

Which is a bit sad when I think about it. But I'm the guy that all my friends go to when they get into trouble. Oh, this coked out whackjob thinks I owe him money from back in 'Nam. This guy is stalking me and the police can't do anything. Ex boyfriend stole my photo albums of my family and won't give them back. And everyone needs to know someone like that.

Trebek posted:

Original thread

Sadly I think all the cartoons are lost to time.

The helldump

I mean this guy is the goat.

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

"I'm a creepy violent psycho who is especially creepy around girls"

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

Applesnots posted:

Best readers digest was the one about the radioactive boy scout that was published years before the book was written. For those that dont know it was about a kid that tried to build a nuclear reactor in his back yard.

Besesoth posted:

He drank himself to death last year.

Dejawesp posted:

On the other hand he also spent his later years stealing smoke detectors in an attempt to build another bloody tool shed nuclear reactor.

on topic:

Dejawesp posted:

On the other hand he also spent his later years stealing smoke detectors in an attempt to build another bloody tool shed nuclear reactor.

on topic:

Comptroll The Forums posted:

If you were blocking a knife, wouldn't you be more likely to bend your elbow and take the cut on your forearm? To get a cut at the base of your thumb like that, you would need to raise your arm, elbow straight, with your hand facing outward... oh

Comptroll The Forums posted:

If you were blocking a knife, wouldn't you be more likely to bend your elbow and take the cut on your forearm? To get a cut at the base of your thumb like that, you would need to raise your arm, elbow straight, with your hand facing outward... oh

Comptroll The Forums posted:

If you were blocking a knife, wouldn't you be more likely to bend your elbow and take the cut on your forearm? To get a cut at the base of your thumb like that, you would need to raise your arm, elbow straight, with your hand facing outward... oh

Comptroll The Forums posted:

If you were blocking a knife, wouldn't you be more likely to bend your elbow and take the cut on your forearm? To get a cut at the base of your thumb like that, you would need to raise your arm, elbow straight, with your hand facing outward... oh

Jerry Cotton posted:

Hmm something like this?

poptart_fairy posted:

We [POLITICAL OPPONENT] people hate [THING YOU LIKE]