Solice Kirsk posted:

How is 15 "just barely" underage? That's all of high school still away from legal.

loquacius posted:

*prank phone call confession*

loquacius posted:

The age of consent is more often 16 than 18 actually

You get mature enough to gently caress, then to vote, then to drink, in that order, so the government has decreed

limp_cheese posted:

Underage loving goon: You realize as soon as this girl goes to college and realizes what's available your relationship is over right? I'll gloss over the rest but that is going to happen. She's 15 and has no idea what she wants, you're an older male authority type figure so of course she'll fall for you. I guess have fun while it lasts.

Be careful you don't turn into the "I get older ,they stay the same age alright alright alright" guy.

limp_cheese posted:

Be careful you don't turn into the "I get older ,they stay the same age alright alright alright" guy.

Chef Boyardeez Nuts posted:

Lol the best thing about turning 30ish was my brain autoclassifying anyone who looked a day under 25 as children. Dating someone while they're still growing up sounds exhausting.

loquacius posted:

You get mature enough to gently caress, then to vote, then to drink, in that order, so the government has decreed

number one pta fan posted:

i hope i'm never so old that "younger than twenty, higher than an eight" isn't something i would walk to the end of the earth for, that sounds like hell

number one pta fan posted:

"and uh, i took her to her parent-teacher thing at school because she didn't want her dad to find out she was flunking math, and, uh, the teacher told me she had an rear end in a top hat the size of a mason jar"

fruit on the bottom posted:

I should be asleep right now so I may not be parsing this post correctly, but my Aatrek alarms are freaking out right now.

Nocheez posted:

Half your age + 7 is the standard response.

quote:

From the ages of 8 to 14 I was tormented by a bully named Mike Porter. He beat me up, stole things from me, made fun of my glasses, got me in trouble st school, and ruined my life.

I was so broken mentally I barely talked to anyone, made very few friends in school, and grew up pretty much an outcast. It didn't help that my dad, the alkie, would beat me up for not standing up for myself. So I was getting it from both ends.

Mike did his worst thing, the thing that finally got him expelled, when I was 14. He pantsed me after gym and put a clothespin on my testicles. I stated screaming and he covered my mouth, then started jerking me off. I didn't tell the principal that, just about the clothespin and the beating he gave me afterwards. And he beat the poo poo out of me; I lost 3 adult teeth that day and my nose is still slightly crooked because of that.

I realize now he was gay and most likely had parents as bad or worse than mine, and that being gay in the early 90s was difficult anyway. He coped through violence and making other kids a target, which makes him an rear end in a top hat, though.

After he got expelled he ended up in the hospital, supposedly from an accident on an ATV. I'd bet money it was his dad or maybe an older brother beating him up, though.

But this is all just window dressing. The summer after that school year, Mike's family home burnt down. It was just a trailer with a lovely wooden porch and some vinyl siding attached. Just a tinderbox. Mike and his family lived in the church for a while, until Mike set a fire there and destroyed a couple of pews and almost burnt the whole church down. He ended up in a home for troubled teens and, to my knowledge, is now in jail.

I started the fire in that church. In my darkest and coldest nights as a kid I thought about how much I hated Mike. How easily he ruined my life and the lives of other kids, too. I assumed he burnt down his trailer, but it's just as likely it was his dad smoking a cigar or some cheap wiring in a piece of poo poo lamp. But I'm not the only person who suspected Mike; he'd burnt some leaves and stuff at school and always carried a lighter on him, with a picture of a woman in a bikini on it.

When they stayed living at church I thought about how to get him back. Constantly; i would fall asleep to dreams of him rotting in jail or being buried alive in a tomb or being killed by a police officer. Sick and twisted but it comforted me back then. So afyer Sunday service one day I said I had to poop really bad. I snuck into the rec room where they were staying, since they were busy greeting everyone leaving the church and saying how grateful they were for their prayers and donations.

Mike had the lighter under his cot, tucked in his tennis shoes. I grabbed it with a handkerchief and wrapped it up. 3 nights later I rode my bike over to church. My parents thought I was at the library for a Magic the Gathering tourney, and I made sure to stop by there first to sign the guestbook and have a plausible alibi.

Then I went to the church and stacked up a bunch of the mini Bibles from the pews. I soaked them in a little lighter fluid and then ignited it. I put the lighter right there. And then ran like hell.

I think this was what led Mike to where he is now, in jail. He may have ended up there anyway, but I definitely ensured he did.

I don't usually feel bad about this. But it's Saturday night and my wife is asleep on the couch next to me and I realized I'll never tell a soul what I did that summer. I'll die without having told anyone. So I had to send it in.

I do wonder if Mike ever suspected he was set up. Especially if he thought it was me. Probably not. He probably never thought any of us would fight back.

subject line: This brings me great shame. posted:

I am attracted to Pick.

Police Automaton posted:

I also have to confess that I have no idea who the hell pick is, I just see that name pop up here and there. Is it some kind of meme, kids please explain. Love, Grandpa.

loquacius posted:

Unanonymous confession: when my wife and I first met, we only satisfied this rule if you rounded her age to the nearest half-year (23 and 18.5)

or if you rounded down when you divided by 2 I guess, either way we were fine from her next birthday on

bradzilla posted:

Pretty sure churchfesh is that one episode of The Simpsons where Bart burns down the church, just dressed up a little. Nice try.

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Is that the one with the man with the terrible smell

titties posted:

I think pick is good and I would feel very fortunate and happy to have someone as caring and pretty as pick in my life as a friend, sexual partner, or spouse.

I want to get married to Pick please post this anonymously the reference phrase is "truck cuck"

LingcodKilla posted:

Uh short confession.

Had anyone ever seen a picture of Pick?

LingcodKilla posted:

Uh short confession.

Had anyone ever seen a picture of Pick?

The Mighty Moltres posted:

A guy bullied me so I'm going to burn down a building in which dozens of people worship on a regular basis haha oh and he's probably still in jail what an rear end in a top hat.

The Mighty Moltres posted:

My dad beat me for not standing up for myself so I put the entire town in danger by secretly starting a fire.

The Mighty Moltres posted:

Wow Father, that was a great service! I really enjoyed the part about why you shouldn't burn churches to the ground! Anyway I'll brb I have to... um... go poop. Heh heh heh.

The Mighty Moltres posted:

Wanna hear a joke?
How many teeth do you need to start a fire?
Three fewer than you'd think!

Ahahahahaha!
Laugh, or you're going to burn like a stack of bibles.

DACK FAYDEN posted:

she's got freaky marfan's syndrome spider hands

also I guess she's posted like body and face pictures but I don't give a poo poo all I know is freaky spider hands with freaky long fingers and I am kind of envious of their functionality if not for the associated weird skeletal issues

bradzilla posted:

The Mighty Moltres posted:

Wanna hear a joke?
How many teeth do you need to start a fire?
Three fewer than you'd think!

Ahahahahaha!
Laugh, or you're going to burn like a stack of bibles.