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Allowing yourself lol I've spent 20 years doing zen training so I can control the exact amount of blood going to my dick at any point in time.
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Sep 10, 2017 19:50
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SSJ_naruto_2003 posted:Allowing yourself lol are you like 14 or something I've been able to keep myself from popping stiffies at inappropriate times since roughly college or thereabouts It's not hard, just, like, stop looking up your cousin's skirt
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Sep 10, 2017 19:54
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SSJ_naruto_2003 posted:Allowing yourself lol lol so tell me about your family-makes-you-horny problems
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Sep 10, 2017 19:56
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SSJ_naruto_2003 posted:Allowing yourself lol Do a math problem in your head to redirect the blood flow, loving hell some of you people are broken as poo poo.
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Sep 10, 2017 20:23
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We made a pedo our prez so its not that bad anymore
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Sep 10, 2017 20:27
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Having a kid in my lap would give me whatever the exact opposite of a boner would be. So boner guy I think you should just admit you're probably a pedophile
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Sep 10, 2017 20:27
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loquacius posted:I'll keep this short. My whole family thinks I'm a pedophile because of the following: I was at my cousin's house for a birthday dinner last week. She has a 9 year old daughter who will occasionally sit on peoples' laps when we're watching a movie or something. She was on mine and made a comment asking what was hard in my pants (it was my dick). Everyone got pretty creeped out and asked me to leave. I did a bad job at defending myself because I couldn't admit the real reason that I had a boner was because I could see up my cousin's skirt on the other couch because I'm pretty sure her husband would have kicked my rear end. didn't realize larry david is a goon
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Sep 10, 2017 20:34
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My wife once slapped me on my dick and I got a boner. That's all I got.
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Sep 10, 2017 20:34
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loquacius posted:are you like 14 or something yeah SSJ_naruto_2003, just think of something completely unappealing to you, like an adult woman with pendulous, post-pubescent breasts
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Sep 10, 2017 20:35
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I'm not an expert since I don't have a dick, but I'm pretty sure this is what you do 1) if you have a boner, don't let anyone sit on your lap unless you plan to gently caress asap 2) if someone is sitting on your lap and you get a boner, announce that you need to pee and crawl out of the room meowing like a cat
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Sep 10, 2017 20:40
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i like nice words
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Anne Whateley posted:I'm not an expert since I don't have a dick, but I'm pretty sure this is what you do Yeah that's pretty much it, meowing and all. Are you sure you don't have a dick? You might check. At an appropriate time and place, of course. Not at the local playground after school like the confessor would.
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Sep 10, 2017 21:05
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To be fair I actually have half a dozen dicks, but they're weird colors and they live in my nightstand
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Sep 10, 2017 22:06
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Also, just say it's your cellphone in your pocket or your wallet or literally anything other than your dick. And then have her get off of your lap, obviously.
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Sep 10, 2017 22:12
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Also boners are v easy to get rid of if you just stand on your tiptoes; I know this due to Dick Surgery and the associated pain of morning wood requiring a solution
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Sep 10, 2017 22:28
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Sometimes i get them randomly and cant make em go away quickly. Havent tried the Meow Method yet, so I dont know.
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Sep 10, 2017 22:45
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Seriously though one of the things that you shouldn't have to be taught as a man is when you get a boner and someone or something is sitting in your lap that you're not going to put your boner in, be it child or dog or whatever, you kick that person or thing off your lap and give the excuse that your legs are falling asleep if you must give any explanation at all. You definitely don't poke children in the bottom with your erection, ffs.
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Sep 10, 2017 23:13
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Every time you have an erection you should feel deep shame about being unable to control your filthy body.
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Sep 11, 2017 00:56
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Just lol if you don't walk around all day fully erect to establish your dominance. 
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Sep 11, 2017 00:58
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maskenfreiheit posted:yeah SSJ_naruto_2003, just think of something completely unappealing to you, like an adult woman with pendulous, post-pubescent breasts I'm 23 married to a 22 year old so I'm not sure if you're on the right track here.
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Sep 11, 2017 01:06
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SSJ_naruto_2003 posted:I'm 23 married to a 22 year old so I'm not sure if you're on the right track here. See? Younger!
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Sep 11, 2017 01:07
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Fun fact: No one ever teaches guys to tuck an awkward gym class erection into the waistband of their gym shorts, but within miliseconds we all learned that trick.
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Sep 11, 2017 01:13
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How lost in your cousin's crotch do you have to be to not notice you are getting a chub and get the small child off your drat lap?
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Sep 11, 2017 01:17
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On the bright side, you never have to go on a family outing again. Sorry you'll never see your cousin's crotch again, guess you'll just have to ogle women you're not related to. Hopefully that's not a requirement for you to pop a boner.
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Sep 11, 2017 01:47
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I don't see why it's so hard, just say "Ahem, would you be amenable to removing yourself from my lap so that I might adjust my erection?"
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Sep 11, 2017 02:01
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Or just flex a large muscle like your calves or not your biceps you weak rear end bitches
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Sep 11, 2017 02:43
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what he didn't mention is his other cousin was a toddler
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Sep 11, 2017 03:07
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maskenfreiheit posted:what he didn't mention is his other cousin was a toddler This makes sense if hes in India, true. Since his cousin was already married.
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Sep 11, 2017 03:23
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Isn't pig suet just lard
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Sep 11, 2017 09:26
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Also dude, what the gently caress is your life? Fake your death and start over as someone else who doesn't get into hosed up situations like that.
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Sep 11, 2017 09:29
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lmao at the goon who willingly chose to be identified as a pedo because he got a boner from seeing his cousin's panties also where the gently caress is therapy goon, I honestly hope he's still alive
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Sep 11, 2017 13:41
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Therapy goon is dead.
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Sep 11, 2017 13:58
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*child sits in lap *gets boner *doesn't say "whoops hey kiddo, Cousin So-&-so needs a drink of water will you get up just a moment" and leave room to refresh himself *lets child sit on boner while staring at other cousins vagina *not a peadophile Also is the boner in the wasteband thing real? I always thought hat was zany sitcom bullshit? When I was 12 my mom took me to a tailor to have a suit fitted and while she was getting a drink, the older gentlemen doing the measuring said "right handed young man? I suppose you'll dress to the left then?" And I stared at him and he just said "ah, I see, well a gentlemen is always sure nothing will pop up when he isn't ready, if you catch my meaning, so when putting on your trousers, just try to tuck yourself across from your main hand, so as to limit unwanted surprises" and then he went back to pinning up my suit. It was like 3 years later when I finally understood what he was talking about but yeah I've never had to tuck my dick up, because it was always comfortably tucked down. So I guess major shout out to the old guy who taught me about boner management without molesting me or being a creep about it. My dad died before puberty so I'd probably be tucking my boner into my wasteband like a barbarian If he hadn't LoL.
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Sep 11, 2017 14:10
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Sorry your boner is either so soft you can tuck it down reliably when hard or so short it can't reach your waistband. Props to your discreet tailor, though.
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Sep 11, 2017 14:25
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bradzilla posted:lmao at the goon who willingly chose to be identified as a pedo because he got a boner from seeing his cousin's panties Yeah having a thing for your cousin is weird too, but at least people would be more likely to make fun of you about it instead of treating you like a pariah. I also agree with the earlier posters who mentioned it - who the hell, when asked what is hard in their pants, admits it's their dick, especially to a kid? Kids are gullible, just say it's your phone, hell they'll probably even fall for the roll of quarters bit.
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Sep 11, 2017 14:36
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The Cubelodyte posted:Sorry your boner is either so soft you can tuck it down reliably when hard or so short it can't reach your waistband. Props to your discreet tailor, though. Sorry your walking around with your boner tied to your hips by your waistband like some kind of boner barbarian (a bonebarian). Boxer briefs provide the snug support of briefs with the manly breadth and coverage of boxers, ideal for keeping your man meat from acting like he's the boss. Yeah I just keep getting stuck on "why wouldn't you immediately remove the child from your lap if you had an erection." The only time that's acceptable is if you are dating or married or sleeping with the ADULT sitting your lap and it might be a fun sexy moment between adults. Keeping your boner away from children is like the first and most important rule of boners.
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Sep 11, 2017 14:48
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Bust Rodd posted:Sorry your walking around with your boner tied to your hips by your waistband like some kind of boner barbarian (a bonebarian). Boxer briefs provide the snug support of briefs with the manly breadth and coverage of boxers, ideal for keeping your man meat from acting like he's the boss. You have an excellent username for boner chat.
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Sep 11, 2017 14:51
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My original subject line for this one is "one of my exes lives in Texas"quote:I have an ex that I've been out of contact for 10+ years or so. I'm fairly certain that she still lives in her home city of Houston, TX, and with all the flooding I can't help but feel some sort of weird concern? She lived in the western area somewhat near Barker's Reservoir(?) and may still. Honestly she's probably okay and at most lost a bunch of material possessions. Either way you don't really need to know and it's probably healthier for you to be able to move on from this  quote:I used to volunteer at a local haunted house attraction. It was fun, especially because I'm a pervert and could occasionally get a little squeezy squeezy from some cute girls going through the house. yikes
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Sep 11, 2017 14:56
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It always starts with a little squeezy squeezy
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Sep 11, 2017 15:06
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quote:already knuckle deep in her. quote:some cash for paying off a few witnesses quote:keep an innocent man out of jail 
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Sep 11, 2017 15:10
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For the first one: I have an ex in houston too. It never even crossed my mind to call her because she's out of my life now and it would be kind of selfish to bother her just to satisfy my curiosity. Even if you don't want to get back together with her (and it soundsl ike you definitely do whether you admit it or not), I wouldn't do it. Second one has to be a troll fishing for outrage. There are just too many indefensible things in one story. Also even if it's real you aren't innocent if you only avoid jail because of paying witnesses off. You wouldn't have done that if you thought what you did wasn't a serious crime.
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Sep 11, 2017 15:15
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