Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

«‹›572 »

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Theophany posted:

Yeah, buy a cumvase ffs.

Isn't it some ridiculously small percentage of the population that actually have a gluten intolerance? I think I've met two in my entire life who would actually poo poo themselves half to death within an hour of eating gluten, the rest are in the same category as Gwyneth Paltrow and her magical oval office rocks.

I have concerns about this upcoming Jem and the Holograms reboot.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 16:26

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 12, 2024 17:49

ALFbrot: Apr 17, 2002

loquacius posted:

a celebrity fesh, haven't had one of those in a while

If we're supposed to guess, this isn't a lot to work with really

Honestly I wouldn't take it this personally. If things aren't working out that well with these particular people you should try branching out some more and see if you can find people who match up with your specific interests a little better. Trying to be friends with someone you don't have a good connection with because you don't have anything else going on won't really work. I learned this lesson in high school and then again in college .

The first sentence of the second confession really reads like a coda to the first one

# ? Sep 20, 2017 16:30

The Mighty Moltres: Dec 21, 2012; Come! We must fly!

^^^ God drat, you beat me to it.

quote:

Is there such a thing as being chronically uninteresting?

Yes there is:

quote:

I've been an SA goon for almost 20 years at this point. In all that time, I've only let 3 other goons know my true identity.

I am a fairly well known actor, who's done both movies and TV on and off since the 90s. Have I had lean times? Yeah, Lifetime and various other TV movies were good to me for a while. But I've had a bit of a career Renaissance lately, which I am wholeheartedly enjoying.

This isn't a humble brag, just a fun chance for someone to maybe figure out who I am. My real confession is I love reading these forums, especially as of late where "MAGA chuds" are constantly being made fun of.

I skew liberal for a pretty obvious reason of you knew me, and one of my favorite things in the world right now is showing idiot Trump supporters getting their stupidity shoved in their faces. There's a few specifically on this forum that I would love to gently caress with - just show them who I really am with a "lol owned bitch" message. Maybe some day!

Keep up the good work and I love most of you goons!

# ? Sep 20, 2017 16:34

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

wow a liberal that posts on sa. really narrows it down

# ? Sep 20, 2017 16:54

Runaktla: Feb 21, 2007; by Hand Knit

Wait I know... I know... you are Buck Angel.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 17:13

marathon Stairmaster sesh: Apr 28, 2009; ALL HAIL CEO NUGGET
1988-PRESENT

Since he mentioned Lifetime I'm guessing the guy who played the goth nerd from Werewolf on Campus aka the 2nd best ABC Family show of the early 2000s next to Addams Family.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 17:17

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

I'm pretty certain its Sam Elliot.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:59

Lote: Aug 5, 2001; Place your bets

loquacius posted:

I've been an SA goon for almost 20 years at this point. In all that time, I've only let 3 other goons know my true identity.

I am a fairly well known actor, who's done both movies and TV on and off since the 90s. Have I had lean times? Yeah, Lifetime and various other TV movies were good to me for a while. But I've had a bit of a career Renaissance lately, which I am wholeheartedly enjoying.

This isn't a humble brag, just a fun chance for someone to maybe figure out who I am. My real confession is I love reading these forums, especially as of late where "MAGA chuds" are constantly being made fun of.

I skew liberal for a pretty obvious reason of you knew me, and one of my favorite things in the world right now is showing idiot Trump supporters getting their stupidity shoved in their faces. There's a few specifically on this forum that I would love to gently caress with - just show them who I really am with a "lol owned bitch" message. Maybe some day!

Keep up the good work and I love most of you goons!

I really liked Band of Brothers

# ? Sep 20, 2017 21:28

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I bet it's David Schwimmer. He seems like he'd be a goon.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 21:33

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

It's Charlie Sheen actually

# ? Sep 20, 2017 23:14

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

nobody wished me a happy birthday, a bloo hoo hoo

- a grown adult goon

# ? Sep 20, 2017 23:57

Hopper: Dec 28, 2004; BOOING! BOOING!; Grimey Drawer

To be fair, every normal person should at least say happy birthday to a guy you see daily and I assume share a dorm floor with. You don't have to be superfriends, and a gift is maybe a little much to ask unless you really are friends, but a common courtesy can't be that difficult.

That said, the best time after scholl/college is the time you realize you finally get to decide who you want to spend your time with. You'll find people with interests you share and who like you. I assume you aren't too goony, as that girl who went out with you for dinner made a real effort to organize something. Make an effort in turn to be a friend to her as well, but don't be creepy or clingy. And live with the others until you don't any more.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 06:40

Animal-Mother: Feb 14, 2012; RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Did Kane do any Lifetime movies?

# ? Sep 21, 2017 07:22

Lote: Aug 5, 2001; Place your bets

Animal-Mother posted:

Did Kane do any Lifetime movies?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X7T6WRuE9s

I believe he did.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 07:29

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I was expecting the wrestler Kane.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 07:54

Turtlicious: Sep 17, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

It's Bruce Campbell.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 07:57

Martman: Nov 20, 2006

Turtlicious posted:

It's Bruce Campbell.

TV and movies since the 90s?? naw

all aboard the Schwimmer train

# ? Sep 21, 2017 08:05

alpaca diseases: May 19, 2009

Yo I saw a calories in/ post so immediately skipped every single one after that

has the detail finished yet?

# ? Sep 21, 2017 11:18

Rumda: Nov 4, 2009; Moth Lesbian Comrade

alpaca diseases posted:

Yo I saw a calories in/ post so immediately skipped every single one after that

has the detail finished yet?

# ? Sep 21, 2017 11:51

half coke half diet: Feb 3, 2006; I fight for all those men who have their nuts in a vice grip

loquacius posted:

a celebrity fesh, haven't had one of those in a while

Sorry late to the Party, but since when is Brian Austin Green Famous?

# ? Sep 21, 2017 12:47

OutOfPrint: Apr 9, 2009; Fun Shoe

half coke half diet posted:

Sorry late to the Party, but since when is Brian Austin Green Famous?

Who?

# ? Sep 21, 2017 14:51

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I have a thing, I don't know if I'd quite call it a fetish, with popping pimples. Those youtubes where they drain cysts or medically remove blackheads etc don't really do it for me, it has to be my own and it has to pop, not drain. If I'm not going to be out in public for a day or two like on the weekends I'll even rub oil (sometimes even pizza grease once it cools down) on my face to accelerate it. Alcohol also helps, like if you drink heavily for a few days and then stop, I break out pretty hard.

Anyway, every morning I count the number of whiteheads on my face and rate them based on number and potential, which varies based on location. If they are up by your sideburn area or on your chin, or the very tip of your nose, these are the good ones. Then I proceed to pop them and give each one a rating. On a typical day most are pretty disappointing 1 or 2/10s where they just drain a bit and there's really no "pop". If I can feel the pop then it's 3 or 4, maybe 5 depending on output. If it hits the mirror it's easily 5 or higher, again depending on output. Coincidentally the bigger they are the more likely they are to be disappointing, but this is not always true.

The only ones who have achieved 10/10 status have been either in my waist area after wearing pants that were too tight all day (these take sometimes a couple days to develop, you have to feel the growth start under the skin and start to squeeze it up to the surface gradually), and also on my inner thighs. My best waist one was in a hotel. I was standing in front of a floor to ceiling mirror about 3 feet away and I started squeezing. The pop actually made me gasp and the mirror got a big gob of blood and pus on it, and the thing kept bleeding a bit for at least an hour. I actually got another less major (but still a 6 or 7) pop out of the same one the next morning.

The inner thigh ones vary a lot depending on location. The ones toward the front are better, not only because of output but also that you can see them. Even if they aren't always the most explosive (with some exceptions), they do tend to be very high in output. One recent one I had to work on for 2 days to get to pop, and when it finally stopped draining I had several sheets of TP that looked like you just dipped them in blood. I like the pus more but blood is still satisfying and I like to either pop it again or scratch the scab off if it tries to stop.

It's not really a sexual thing because I don't become aroused, although the feeling of a 10/10 is almost as satisfying as an orgasm. It's more of a compulsion that I happen to enjoy pursuing.

quote:

I'm a Scientologist.

I'm a Tone 36 at this point. If you don't know, humans range from -40 to 40 on the Tone Scale. -40 is the worst you could be; a total failure. 40 is the best; Full Clear. So yeah, I'm doing pretty good for myself...

I joined the Church in 2011 after remarkably lovely time in my life. I tried everything to fix my life; the army, other religions, medicine... none worked. I was depressed, confused about my sexuality, and unsure of what my life was supposed to be.

I was at a Veterans supper group and, while I was leaving, a woman approached me. She said she was there to talk to former soldiers, seeing if I was a good fit for "her friends". I thought it was a cult or some poo poo, but she gave me some paperwork and said I was free to feel it out on my own time.

A few days later I was bored and sad, so I did. It made me think a lot; about how miserable I was and about what *really* caused that depression. It wasn't "brain chemicals" like the doctors told me, and it sure as gently caress wasn't me being a pussy.

It was traumas from my life; this one and past, which imprinted on my brain. I know South Park made everyone mock us, but this is our true purpose.

My mother, among other things, cheated on my father while she was pregnant with me. Those hateful moments imprinted on me, among many other things from my past 4 lives.

Ever heard of Original Sin? That's a batardization of what's really going on - dark engrams imprinting on your mind. By studying and understanding, you can move these to your analytical mind and destroy them.

If you don't trust me, just look st this. Before Scientology I was taking an antidepressant, drinking alcohol to self medicate, and smoking to deal with stress. Now? No more mess, booze, or cigarettes. I don't need these clouds in my mind.

And I'm not gay, I fully understand I'm a virile straight man now.

And as mentioned, I'm now nearly Tone 40. I was -12 when I started. My guess is many of you are at 5 or lower.

I highly suggest every goon go get audited. Find your local center, it's free and easy. Are the classes expensive? They can be but there are options for payment. I don't make much money but the Church is happy for whatever I can give, and I'm able to volunteer around my local church to make up the difference.

Ignore the bullshit fake news from SPs like Leah Remini; she's a coward who fled the Church and seeks to corrupt innocent people. Visit your local Church yobget the true story.

If this is fake, it's a pretty good pastiche, but if you're trying not to make Scientology sound like a cult you're not doing a very good job

# ? Sep 21, 2017 15:19

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

Scientology is bullshit and they only want your money. They're just slightly worse than a fraternity.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 15:26

Lote: Aug 5, 2001; Place your bets

For the pimple popper guy, just watch videos on YouTube like a normal person.

loquacius posted:

If this is fake, it's a pretty good pastiche, but if you're trying not to make Scientology sound like a cult you're not doing a very good job

Technically, he's right about hateful moments imprinting on him. Terribly wrong about brain chemicals.

Epigenetics is the new hot buzzword and a field of study no one was looking at 10-15 years ago.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 15:31

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

Anyone who wants to learn about Scientology should either watch Going Clear, a documentary about high level members who leave the church due to what amounts to child slavery and trafficking and how the church actively destroyed their lives afterwards

Or

Forget about it because they are just a society of rich lunatics who will almost certainly Jonestown themselves.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 15:32

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

If you watch anti-Scientology videos on the YouTube, your YouTube starts showing a lot of pro-Scientology ads, so that's fun.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 15:50

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

tactlessbastard posted:

If you watch anti-Scientology videos on the YouTube, your YouTube starts showing a lot of pro-Scientology ads, so that's fun.

LMAO that owns. It really goes to show you how creepy they are. Google "Scientology lawsuits" if you wanna see rich people cannibalize themselves.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 15:51

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

tactlessbastard posted:

If you watch anti-Scientology videos on the YouTube, your YouTube starts showing a lot of pro-Scientology ads, so that's fun.

I don't think any other "religious" group on Earth devotes quite as many resources as Scientologists do to marketing

# ? Sep 21, 2017 16:03

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

I'm glad Scientologists are seen as a business venture, cult and "threat to democracy" here. It enjoys a hugely negative view in the eyes of the public and government in Germany, which they fully deserve. Associating with them here is cancer. Also the option that it will end up outright banned is and remains open.

Pimple popper guy- that's a great way to get an infection that's potentially disfiguring/life threatening. Do some research.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 16:28

The Mighty Moltres: Dec 21, 2012; Come! We must fly!

quote:

I know South Park made everyone mock us, but this is our true purpose.

People were making fun of you long before that South Park episode. If you want examples, they cost 300 dollars each.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 16:35

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Police Automaton posted:

I'm glad Scientologists are seen as a business venture, cult and "threat to democracy" here. It enjoys a hugely negative view in the eyes of the public and government in Germany, which they fully deserve. Associating with them here is cancer. Also the option that it will end up outright banned is and remains open.

Pimple popper guy- that's a great way to get an infection that's potentially disfiguring/life threatening. Do some research.

I remember a friend's dad who was accosted by one of their footsoldiers for a free 'personality test,' when he said he was in a hurry and really had to leave the whackjob started yelling at him to 'gently caress off' and that his tie was ugly. This was in the middle of one of the busiest train stations in the country.

Charming bunch.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 16:36

ReverendDre: Apr 1, 2006; TheOneAndOnly

loquacius posted:

I don't think any other "religious" group on Earth devotes quite as many resources as Scientologists do to marketing

I'm Catholic, about 2,000 years of marketing ty

# ? Sep 21, 2017 16:52

Verisimilidude: Dec 20, 2006; Strike quick and hurry at him,
not caring to hit or miss.
So that you dishonor him before the judges

guys Im in a good job and have time for my friends and hobbies and am working out and eating well and I feel pretty good for the first time in a long time

# ? Sep 21, 2017 16:54

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

Verisimilidude posted:

guys Im in a good job and have time for my friends and hobbies and am working out and eating well and I feel pretty good for the first time in a long time

Holy poo poo dude, you realize that you have to use guerrillamail and wait for loq to post your fesh for it to be anonymous, right? I can't believe you would boast about something like that right in the open. I mean, I'm pretty sure that once people start calling you out on it you're going to backpedal and claim you were "joking", but what the gently caress man.
In any case, quoted for posterity, you can't edit it out now.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 17:24

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Theophany posted:

I remember a friend's dad who was accosted by one of their footsoldiers for a free 'personality test,' when he said he was in a hurry and really had to leave the whackjob started yelling at him to 'gently caress off' and that his tie was ugly. This was in the middle of one of the busiest train stations in the country.

Charming bunch.

That's probably a last ditch effort to get someone to punch them so they can at least get some cash froma lawsuit.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 17:28

half coke half diet: Feb 3, 2006; I fight for all those men who have their nuts in a vice grip

ReverendDre posted:

I'm Catholic, about 2,000 years of marketing ty

Thanks for stealing my thunder, but I think Hebrews are right on your heels.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 17:39

ReverendDre: Apr 1, 2006; TheOneAndOnly

half coke half diet posted:

Thanks for stealing my thunder, but I think Hebrews are right on your heels.

I really think you win this one. Or perhaps lose. We may have both lost.

ReverendDre fucked around with this message at 17:45 on Sep 21, 2017

# ? Sep 21, 2017 17:42

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Speaking as a Jew, Judaism's only marketing battle is "please just don't give us any poo poo" and it has had mixed success at best

# ? Sep 21, 2017 17:53

Neutrino: Mar 8, 2006; Fallen Rib

quote:

I highly suggest every goon go get audited.

I got audited once and the IRS took a few hundred more dollars. :ohdearsass:

# ? Sep 21, 2017 17:57

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 12, 2024 17:49

half coke half diet: Feb 3, 2006; I fight for all those men who have their nuts in a vice grip

loquacius posted:

Speaking as a Jew, Judaism's only marketing battle is "please just don't give us any poo poo" and it has had mixed success at best

I honestly thought it was "Catholics have blessed wafers, we got blessed beef, you choose"

# ? Sep 21, 2017 18:02

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

«‹›572 »