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echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
[quote="“Bobbie Wickham”" post="“476920484”"]
This is your last chance: discuss the Marriage part of your Open Marriage thread, or you’re going to be probated. Do you understand?
[/quote]

:supaburn:

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echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
[quote="“CharlestonJew”" post="“476920620”"]
tell us more about your marriage counseling


how did the topic of suicide come up there
[/quote]

well what was interesting was that it turns out we didn't have half the issues most people have, we communicate well, are intelligent people, both good parents who take fare share, take fare share, both have good careers (even if the actual employment side wasn't too flash for me), and so when we got down to it it came back to how my depression (and poor self esteem etc) was causing a lot of strain on the relationship and the topic of suicide came up naturally from that. simple mate

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

echinopsis posted:

lol back at the start it was epic. it was a lot of fun. but idk. you know if you wanna go sleep with another woman ya gotta imake everything is good on the home front first.. and so where as previously ya might have let poo poo slide in your life, now ya have to deal with it. and so in that sense the open relationship brought a lot of relationship issues to the surface that previously may have stayed down. this isn't an inherently bad thing, it's just not easy to deal with. i've also had non steady employment for the larger part of two years which hasn't been good for my depression and it's impacted my life through me drinking more. my wife had enough of the emotional load of me being depressed and drinking and we decided on a two month trial separation so i could sort out my life and give her space

but that's been enlightening in of itself. wife is basically showing me how i've held back her life and all the little extra etcs that go with it

and then there is the fact that the latest blender released has now won't do gpu rendering on my current video card so the logical solution to fixing this problem is to prostitute myself out to pay for it

so as you can see it's a whole host of complex problems but the main problem lol.. is me

Blender? Wtf? Video cards wut.

Lmao at everyone worshipping your hosed up lifestyle earlier, they aren't here now. Every open relationship ends like this. Or worse. Every. One.

Get help dude.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
my wife thinks i make poor decisions

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
[quote="“Burt Sexual”" post="“476920911”"]
Blender? Wtf? Video cards wut.

Lmao at everyone worshipping your hosed up lifestyle earlier, they aren’t here now. Every open relationship ends like this. Or worse. Every. One.

Get help dude.
[/quote]

mate the things is that maybe the open relationship hurried this situation along, but it probably would have happened anyway. the problem wasn't the open relationship, it's me

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
[quote="“zen death robot”" post="“476920923”"]
Dude you need to take your depression seriously and take control of it by using every mental health tool at your disposal. You’re letting it control you instead, that’s not good man.
[/quote]

nah sometimes it's ok. and i have a permanent job now and that makes a fuckin world of a difference #yolo

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010
i am being 100% sincere. i never gave a gently caress about your open relationship either way outside of laughing at your goofy obsession with what job they have.

you can try to cloak it in irony and jokes but you are 100% a deadbeat piece of poo poo who is throwing away everyone in your life who actually cares about you in favor of some extremely petty things

CharlestonJew
Jul 7, 2011

Illegal Hen

echinopsis posted:

nah sometimes it's ok. and i have a permanent job now and that makes a fuckin world of a difference #yolo

the problem is the "sometimes" where it's not ok you drink yourself half to death and sell yourself for the new GTX card

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

echinopsis posted:

mate the things is that maybe the open relationship hurried this situation along, but it probably would have happened anyway. the problem wasn't the open relationship, it's me

There's a direct correlation to those in open relationships and mental illness. In my experience at least.

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

by Smythe

echinopsis posted:

mate the things is that maybe the open relationship hurried this situation along, but it probably would have happened anyway. the problem wasn't the open relationship, it's me

I have never seen an open relationship work, either in real life with people I talk to, or in self-reported posts online. Not to be all :biotruths: but I honestly don't think humans can do open relationships or polyamory or any of that other stuff, because of the amount of effort it takes to form stable relationships that are conducive to raising kids. (I mean the way you've been doing it, not occasional flings or experiments or swapping that aren't a centerpiece of the relationship.)

As you seem to be learning now, it takes a lot of work and dedication to make a long-term partnership function, and that's with just one person. Throwing more people into the mix introduces more variables to go wrong, and increases problems exponentially. So I while I agree that YOU were the problem, I would also argue that having an open marriage was ANOTHER problem. If the open marriage exacerbated and accelerated the destruction of your marriage, then it obviously was a problematic factor. The same way cheating, lying, addiction, indifference, and so on are factors that can destroy a relationship, the way the source of the problems can destroy a relationship.

It seems like you can't handle it when you're taken to task about your actions, and only face up to it with begrudging immaturity. This is an internet forum where no one knows you, and you can't even come in and admit to a bunch of e-strangers that your marriage is in trouble. I can't even imagine how difficult it's been to deal with you in real life. Like, did you really brag to your marriage counselor that you could commit a totally epic suicide if you wanted? Did you actually say that in front of your wife? Were you that cavalier about destroying your family's lives and forcing them to cope with the aftermath and rebuild, year after painful year? I hope you exaggerated so you could look cool to your internet friends, but I also have to wonder about someone this concerned with looking cool for his internet friends.

I think you need some time to think about how petulant, selfish, immature, stubborn, and vain you managed to come across online, and really consider if this carries over from real life. If you drag your feet this much when it comes to owning up to a bunch of e-strangers, I can't even imagine how bad it is when there are real stakes involved. Your poor wife and kids.

net cafe scandal
Mar 18, 2011

Bobbie Wickham posted:

I have never seen an open relationship work, either in real life with people I talk to, or in self-reported posts online. Not to be all :biotruths: but I honestly don't think humans can do open relationships or polyamory or any of that other stuff, because of the amount of effort it takes to form stable relationships that are conducive to raising kids. (I mean the way you've been doing it, not occasional flings or experiments or swapping that aren't a centerpiece of the relationship.)

As you seem to be learning now, it takes a lot of work and dedication to make a long-term partnership function, and that's with just one person. Throwing more people into the mix introduces more variables to go wrong, and increases problems exponentially. So I while I agree that YOU were the problem, I would also argue that having an open marriage was ANOTHER problem. If the open marriage exacerbated and accelerated the destruction of your marriage, then it obviously was a problematic factor. The same way cheating, lying, addiction, indifference, and so on are factors that can destroy a relationship, the way the source of the problems can destroy a relationship.

It seems like you can't handle it when you're taken to task about your actions, and only face up to it with begrudging immaturity. This is an internet forum where no one knows you, and you can't even come in and admit to a bunch of e-strangers that your marriage is in trouble. I can't even imagine how difficult it's been to deal with you in real life. Like, did you really brag to your marriage counselor that you could commit a totally epic suicide if you wanted? Did you actually say that in front of your wife? Were you that cavalier about destroying your family's lives and forcing them to cope with the aftermath and rebuild, year after painful year? I hope you exaggerated so you could look cool to your internet friends, but I also have to wonder about someone this concerned with looking cool for his internet friends.

I think you need some time to think about how petulant, selfish, immature, stubborn, and vain you managed to come across online, and really consider if this carries over from real life. If you drag your feet this much when it comes to owning up to a bunch of e-strangers, I can't even imagine how bad it is when there are real stakes involved. Your poor wife and kids.

Got to agree.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Bobbie Wickham posted:

I have never seen an open relationship work, either in real life with people I talk to, or in self-reported posts online. Not to be all :biotruths: but I honestly don't think humans can do open relationships or polyamory or any of that other stuff, because of the amount of effort it takes to form stable relationships that are conducive to raising kids. (I mean the way you've been doing it, not occasional flings or experiments or swapping that aren't a centerpiece of the relationship.)

As you seem to be learning now, it takes a lot of work and dedication to make a long-term partnership function, and that's with just one person. Throwing more people into the mix introduces more variables to go wrong, and increases problems exponentially. So I while I agree that YOU were the problem, I would also argue that having an open marriage was ANOTHER problem. If the open marriage exacerbated and accelerated the destruction of your marriage, then it obviously was a problematic factor. The same way cheating, lying, addiction, indifference, and so on are factors that can destroy a relationship, the way the source of the problems can destroy a relationship.

It seems like you can't handle it when you're taken to task about your actions, and only face up to it with begrudging immaturity. This is an internet forum where no one knows you, and you can't even come in and admit to a bunch of e-strangers that your marriage is in trouble. I can't even imagine how difficult it's been to deal with you in real life. Like, did you really brag to your marriage counselor that you could commit a totally epic suicide if you wanted? Did you actually say that in front of your wife? Were you that cavalier about destroying your family's lives and forcing them to cope with the aftermath and rebuild, year after painful year? I hope you exaggerated so you could look cool to your internet friends, but I also have to wonder about someone this concerned with looking cool for his internet friends.

I think you need some time to think about how petulant, selfish, immature, stubborn, and vain you managed to come across online, and really consider if this carries over from real life. If you drag your feet this much when it comes to owning up to a bunch of e-strangers, I can't even imagine how bad it is when there are real stakes involved. Your poor wife and kids.

Whoa. Same.

CharlestonJew
Jul 7, 2011

Illegal Hen
that expressed my feelings on the situation a million times better than I could have done myself, great post bobbie

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
lol course I didn't brag about it to the counsellor, I just made the point that it wouldn't be a failed attempt.

I don't doubt that most of what you people say is true. except burt is being a bit mean I'm not a total piece of poo poo lmao

end of the day, both my wife and I want each other to be happy. we decided the kids are paramount, and that they need two happy parents.

can I change enough about who I am to be acceptable to my wife to make her happy? and if so, what about my own happiness? how much of what you want to do in life is acceptable to sacrifice? if people grow and change over 12 years, should one deny that difference for the sake of the marriage? and for what end?

my parents - essentially broke up when I was 12 but stayed together (and didn't tell us) "for the kids", but I look back now and I'm not happier because of it. they still live together, but in separate bedrooms, and don't seem that happy tbh. wifes parents have some weird unknown thing going on where he takes 2 week holidays to indonesia by himself to visit his friends. wtf? lady who looks after my kids, says her husband comes home and has dinner and then fucks off to the garage to drink.

hosed up marriages as far as the eye can see. what's the virtue in staying together unless it's beneficial to both people and both people are happy.

you might think I'm being immature but the reality is having to have long hard thinks about what is actually going to make me happy in life and actually look forward to getting up out of bed in the morning because you actually want to be alive and enjoying life. what's the answer?

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

by Smythe
I don't know what the answer is, but it's obviously not an open marriage, being a piece of poo poo who doesn't care how talking about suicide affects his wife, prostituting yourself for computer parts, or being super invested in your Something Awful reputation instead of your marriage.

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010

echinopsis posted:

you might think I'm being immature but the reality is having to have long hard thinks about what is actually going to make me happy in life and actually look forward to getting up out of bed in the morning because you actually want to be alive and enjoying life. what's the answer?

it's upgrading your gaming pc. i guess your logic is airtight on this one, op.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
its not for gaming. its for rendering sick gifs


Bobbie Wickham posted:

I don't know what the answer is, but it's obviously not an open marriage, being a piece of poo poo who doesn't care how talking about suicide affects his wife, prostituting yourself for computer parts, or being super invested in your Something Awful reputation instead of your marriage.

the open relationship is dead. its been dead for a while. the question isn't whether or not to continue it, it's whether or not to continue a normal monogamous marriage

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

by Smythe
Also, I'm a firm believer in Sever, including dysfunctional marriages with children. My parents divorced WAY too late, which resulted in a Christmas arson, so I'm not telling you that you HAVE to stay together for the kids. But you need to get your head out of your rear end and do some one-on-one therapy for yourself as well as marriage counseling. YOU PROSTITUTED YOURSELF FOR A COMPUTER PART, or at least seriously contemplated it. (By the way, can someone link to that discussion/post?)

You sacrificed more of yourself for a computer part than you have for your marriage. Your wife might not be your wife for much longer, but she's a human being, the ONE person you've chosen to be related to, and the mother of your children. It is your duty as a human being to give her the kind of effort, consideration, and dedication she deserves as a human being, your wife, and the mother of your children. That means doing a lot of work on yourself, work that involves the time and effort you'd rather spend on flings, computer parts, and looking cool on this forum. I DO think you're immature, not because you're having a marital crisis, but because of how you've conducted yourself up to and into this crisis.

I'm honestly tempted to probate you for a long time, just so you have one less place to gently caress around when you should be concentrating on your family and yourself. I'm also cranky because I had a tooth pulled yesterday and the giant ibuprofen tablets are only doing so much for the pain and I need a nap so I don't want to go overboard, but gently caress it, Something Awful isn't a democracy. :toughguy:

CharlestonJew
Jul 7, 2011

Illegal Hen

echinopsis posted:

can I change enough about who I am to be acceptable to my wife to make her happy? and if so, what about my own happiness? how much of what you want to do in life is acceptable to sacrifice? if people grow and change over 12 years, should one deny that difference for the sake of the marriage? and for what end?

I think the thing that would make your wife happy right now is seeing her husband take steps to work on his depression and alcoholism, which would be hard but it would definitely make you happier in the end as well. What exactly would you be sacrificing by fighting for the woman you love?

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Bobbie Wickham posted:

Also, I'm a firm believer in Sever, including dysfunctional marriages with children. My parents divorced WAY too late, which resulted in a Christmas arson, so I'm not telling you that you HAVE to stay together for the kids. But you need to get your head out of your rear end and do some one-on-one therapy for yourself as well as marriage counseling. YOU PROSTITUTED YOURSELF FOR A COMPUTER PART, or at least seriously contemplated it. (By the way, can someone link to that discussion/post?)

You sacrificed more of yourself for a computer part than you have for your marriage. Your wife might not be your wife for much longer, but she's a human being, the ONE person you've chosen to be related to, and the mother of your children. It is your duty as a human being to give her the kind of effort, consideration, and dedication she deserves as a human being, your wife, and the mother of your children. That means doing a lot of work on yourself, work that involves the time and effort you'd rather spend on flings, computer parts, and looking cool on this forum. I DO think you're immature, not because you're having a marital crisis, but because of how you've conducted yourself up to and into this crisis.

I'm honestly tempted to probate you for a long time, just so you have one less place to gently caress around when you should be concentrating on your family and yourself. I'm also cranky because I had a tooth pulled yesterday and the giant ibuprofen tablets are only doing so much for the pain and I need a nap so I don't want to go overboard, but gently caress it, Something Awful isn't a democracy. :toughguy:

lol if you can't tell that the prostitution for a computer part isn't a large joke. I do "need" a new video card, but lol I probably won't bother, and ages ago I signed up to a escort website and recently finally got an offer, which I haven't gone through with yet. it was a joke I made on twitter that I would use the money for a video card. seemed funny so I kept running with it. I signed up because I was having trouble finding full time employment and I was just thinking about how to make money doing the one thing I am actually good at. this implied slut shaming isn't cool though. recently (this week) got offered full time permanent work so that's done wonders for my brain

I don't necessarily disagree with you, but you must also realise that I don't really discuss things on here as if they are in real life. my wife and I look at each other with a lot of love. it's not easy making a decision to think "I love and care for this person, but I think it's for the best we go our own separate ways", and I don't want to make that decision.. as my wife says "you're too gutless to say you want out", which may or may not be true. but I do give her a lot of respect and time. and focus on the kids. and I'll never be vindictive or try to hurt her. she desperately wants to keep this house and I'll do what I can to make that happen. another friend of mine is concerned I am going to get hosed over in the asset split because I am probably going to be a push over, lol love that low self worth ;)

also probe me if you think it's gonna be good for my life. I'll probably end up posting on reddit, and that will be on you..

Xbox Ambassador
Dec 23, 2004

ASK ME ABOUT BEING THE BIGGEST CRYBABY ON THE FORUMS

echinopsis posted:

lol if you can't tell that the prostitution for a computer part isn't a large joke. I do "need" a new video card, but lol I probably won't bother, and ages ago I signed up to a escort website and recently finally got an offer, which I haven't gone through with yet. it was a joke I made on twitter that I would use the money for a video card. seemed funny so I kept running with it. I signed up because I was having trouble finding full time employment and I was just thinking about how to make money doing the one thing I am actually good at. this implied slut shaming isn't cool though. recently (this week) got offered full time permanent work so that's done wonders for my brain

I don't necessarily disagree with you, but you must also realise that I don't really discuss things on here as if they are in real life. my wife and I look at each other with a lot of love. it's not easy making a decision to think "I love and care for this person, but I think it's for the best we go our own separate ways", and I don't want to make that decision.. as my wife says "you're too gutless to say you want out", which may or may not be true. but I do give her a lot of respect and time. and focus on the kids. and I'll never be vindictive or try to hurt her. she desperately wants to keep this house and I'll do what I can to make that happen. another friend of mine is concerned I am going to get hosed over in the asset split because I am probably going to be a push over, lol love that low self worth ;)

also probe me if you think it's gonna be good for my life. I'll probably end up posting on reddit, and that will be on you..

Oh no... what will we do without your posts on here.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
jesus lol if you think that's what i'm saying

CharlestonJew
Jul 7, 2011

Illegal Hen
the blood will be on YOUR hands if this man starts posting on reddit

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

by Smythe
How will I ever live with myself if this precious jewel were to ever leave us?

You don't seem to "get" this sub-forum, which is the most sincere place on SA. I suggest you read other E/N threads to get a feel for how things work here. It is dedicated to issues exactly like yours, and it's been a great source of help for people dealing with serious personal crises. Drop the LOL's and the bullshit, because this is a forum full of very smart, very broken people who can ferret out the truth in other people's posts, even ones that purposely try to dodge and deflect criticism and telling the truth.

Believe it or not, you could actually receive solid advice and support in here. If you wanted to practice acting like a responsible adult who cares about his family and sincerely change his life for the better, E/N is a great place to start. But nobody here is going to entertain you if you're going to keep acting like a petulant brat because your chickens came home to roost.

And that's life. You wanted an audience for your bragging about your awesome life, and you got it. Now we can see that those posts covered up a deeply unhappy man who put his family through the wringer, and your audience isn't going anywhere. Not when the show just started to get interesting.

But you'd rather run off to Reddit, like a little man-child, where no one knows you hosed up, so what? You can start over again and impress them with how cool you are? Are you going to pretend to be in an awesome open marriage over there, too, and brag about banging middle-aged women? I can't stop you from trying to be a Reddit Superstar, but I do think you should stick around here and get some perspective. Like I said before, if the pressure is too much for you to be halfway honest with yourself and us in such a low-stakes setting, I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with you.

How did you even get into the open marriage thing, anyway? Was it your suggestion for a solution to some sort of problem between you and your wife? Is this how you handle problems all the time: lie, ignore, pretend, brag, deflect, play the victim, and run away? Your poor wife. We should get HER an account and let her tell her side of the story.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
I don't know what to say to all of that. Probably a lot of home truths.

It started because my wife had a crush on a dude at her work, and I told her to persue it, and she ended up loving him. Next day we were like "is this an open marriage?". Don't forget that she also hosed other dudes and all sorts of poo poo. The biggest difference is that I never ever had a shred of jealousy for what she was doing, I wanted her to have the freedom to live whatever life she wanted and I would accept it. There were times when she wasn't so happy with me doing it, but it was hard because I'd only discover this after the fact. But then things would be fun again. There was a lot of double standard poo poo going on, where I was on the rear end end. I would let her do sleep overs but she wouldn't let me. Etc

I'm not really trying to impress anyone, but yospos got a bit sick of me talking about it so they sent me here to make a contained thread about my exploits. Sorry I don't post in the acceptable E/N manner. But I am also the kind of person who gets drunk and spills all the details of my life, and it ended up here. Oh well. But yeah I do try to paint this with a thick lol/yolo brush, but it's not like that at home.

And I don't really get all the "put my family through the wringer" bullshit. I think that's a terribly unfair assumption. And I don't want to run off to reddit, it was meant to be a joke.. Maybe you don't really "get" my posting?

A Pinball Wizard
Mar 23, 2005

I know every trick, no freak's gonna beat my hands

College Slice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VjPNKc0VsU

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012
in the room where you sleep
E/N is supposed to be a good faith forum where we're at least half sincere. If you tell someone you're going to move on to reddit to vent your feelings then you'll be taken seriously.

Tbh it sounds like you have a hard time setting boundaries on healthy and unhealthy behavior. It's not unusual for a married person to get a crush on someone but the reason this stuff isn't encouraged is precisely because of the hurt feelings and distrust that poly often causes. Then those hurt feelings and distrust exacerbate emotional issues especially if there's a double standard like what you described.

A healthy marriage is about being with someone who brings out the best in you and being someone who can bring out the best in your partner. Then you support each other in the bumps and dips in the road of life. If you can't get that reciprocal relationship with this woman than you need to figure out why. The poly poo poo was a figleaf for bigger problems, it doesn't just occur because married life is just so great and stable.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
Without trying to get too much into definitions of things, we weren't exploring polyamoury. We discussed at the start but we didn't want that.

We wanted to give each other to re-feel those exciting feelings you get when you get a crush on them, and meet them for a date, and then get excited to gently caress, and have sex. And that's it. They go home at the end of the night and me and my wife cuddle in our bed and then move on. It was just a way to gently caress other people. My wife ended up getting jealousy and having anxiety about me loving other women. Which isn't unfair, except she didn't mind doing it herself. But in the end it got too much and she said she didn't want to do it anymore. So the loving has stopped a while ago. Now the problem is me.. And how I am a drain on her emotionally, and how I have to fix my life if I want to be with her, and in the process of that, find out if that's even what I want.



I could learn a lot from this

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010

echinopsis posted:

But yeah I do try to paint this with a thick lol/yolo brush, but it's not like that at home.

And I don't really get all the "put my family through the wringer" bullshit. I think that's a terribly unfair assumption. And I don't want to run off to reddit, it was meant to be a joke.. Maybe you don't really "get" my posting?

like everyone else on earth who has ever used the "im actually p. chill in real life" excuse, you're full of poo poo. you might just not be aware of it yet

i'm sure your inability to be sincere and your inability to maintain an emotional connection with your wife are two completely unrelated things

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012
in the room where you sleep

echinopsis posted:

Without trying to get too much into definitions of things, we weren't exploring polyamoury. We discussed at the start but we didn't want that.

We wanted to give each other to re-feel those exciting feelings you get when you get a crush on them, and meet them for a date, and then get excited to gently caress, and have sex. And that's it. They go home at the end of the night and me and my wife cuddle in our bed and then move on. It was just a way to gently caress other people. My wife ended up getting jealousy and having anxiety about me loving other women. Which isn't unfair, except she didn't mind doing it herself. But in the end it got too much and she said she didn't want to do it anymore. So the loving has stopped a while ago. Now the problem is me.. And how I am a drain on her emotionally, and how I have to fix my life if I want to be with her, and in the process of that, find out if that's even what I want.


I could learn a lot from this

I think that the definitions are a lot more slippery slidey than involved parties like to believe but tbh it doesn't matter because the emotional disruption is still the problem.

Have you made any plans to move forward?

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

by Smythe

echinopsis posted:

I don't know what to say to all of that. Probably a lot of home truths.

It started because my wife had a crush on a dude at her work, and I told her to persue it, and she ended up loving him. Next day we were like "is this an open marriage?". Don't forget that she also hosed other dudes and all sorts of poo poo. The biggest difference is that I never ever had a shred of jealousy for what she was doing, I wanted her to have the freedom to live whatever life she wanted and I would accept it. There were times when she wasn't so happy with me doing it, but it was hard because I'd only discover this after the fact. But then things would be fun again. There was a lot of double standard poo poo going on, where I was on the rear end end. I would let her do sleep overs but she wouldn't let me. Etc

I'm not really trying to impress anyone, but yospos got a bit sick of me talking about it so they sent me here to make a contained thread about my exploits. Sorry I don't post in the acceptable E/N manner. But I am also the kind of person who gets drunk and spills all the details of my life, and it ended up here. Oh well. But yeah I do try to paint this with a thick lol/yolo brush, but it's not like that at home.

And I don't really get all the "put my family through the wringer" bullshit. I think that's a terribly unfair assumption. And I don't want to run off to reddit, it was meant to be a joke.. Maybe you don't really "get" my posting?

And now the truth comes out: you guys DID resort to an open marriage instead of working through your problems. And lo and behold, it didn't work. But you decided to act like it was so great and really cool, and bragged about it so much in YOSPOS that you came here and posted a brag thread in E/N. And yes, you DID put your family through the wringer by entertaining this open marriage instead of addressing the issues you and your wife were having. It was YOUR genius idea for her to chase some other cock, and you participated in the arrangement of an open marriage. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM, DOUBLE STANDARDS OR NOT.

I "get" your posting, which is a sadsack attempt to come across as a Cool Guy. It's not entertaining, it's incredibly obnoxious, it's not helping your case at all, and it doesn't fly here. This isn't YOSPOS or FYAD or any of those forums. How is it you're a pharmacist but can't seem to grasp the most basic concepts like "Where You're Posting?" Again: this is where you decided to post your brag thread; ergo, get with the program.

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010
just off the top of my head, three other e/n posters who loved the "just a joke, sorry you can't tell over the Internet how mentally healthy i am actually being right now" excuse:

-pregnant obese hoarder woman who had entire rooms in her house filled with star wars toys
-guy who fingerblasted an unconscious girl but couldn't understand why she stopped texting him back
-father who hit his child with a belt for eating crackers in his bedroom

little munchkin fucked around with this message at 02:48 on Oct 1, 2017

CharlestonJew
Jul 7, 2011

Illegal Hen
The YOSPOS guys you were regaling with tales of your sexual exploits didn't ask you to make a thread in E/N arbitrarily, they asked you to come here because they knew you had some problems and this is a halfway decent place to try to solve them. Instead you treated it like Penthouse Forum and completely ignored or deflected any attempts to get to the heart of your issues

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
:unsmith: i like nice words
From your other posts, it sounds like she had one steady partner while you were with dozens in the course of the thread, don't you think that was related to having different standards?

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

HIJK posted:

I think that the definitions are a lot more slippery slidey than involved parties like to believe but tbh it doesn't matter because the emotional disruption is still the problem.

Have you made any plans to move forward?



In what regard? We decided on a two month trial separation, and at the end of that, make some kind of decision.

But we are still living in the same house. We still get on fine, although there are a lot of emotions there. I still care about her immensely and want the very best for her. I don't think I am good enough for her, and I fear that she is wasting her life on me. I know that's some self esteem mess talking because she doesn't see it that way, but she also doesn't want to tolerate my poo poo. So it's like, do I put all my effort into conforming to what she wants?

I'm trying to get fitter, and find better life habits. Proper self care. Less drinking.

But I also want to have fun, and go out, and not having someone texting me asking when I'm coming home. I've so enjoyed this trial separation, where I can just be free to be me, and not have to meet someone else's requirements all the time.




Bobbie Wickham posted:

And now the truth comes out: you guys DID resort to an open marriage instead of working through your problems. And lo and behold, it didn't work. But you decided to act like it was so great and really cool, and bragged about it so much in YOSPOS that you came here and posted a brag thread in E/N. And yes, you DID put your family through the wringer by entertaining this open marriage instead of addressing the issues you and your wife were having. It was YOUR genius idea for her to chase some other cock, and you participated in the arrangement of an open marriage. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM, DOUBLE STANDARDS OR NOT.

I "get" your posting, which is a sadsack attempt to come across as a Cool Guy. It's not entertaining, it's incredibly obnoxious, it's not helping your case at all, and it doesn't fly here. This isn't YOSPOS or FYAD or any of those forums. How is it you're a pharmacist but can't seem to grasp the most basic concepts like "Where You're Posting?" Again: this is where you decided to post your brag thread; ergo, get with the program.

What were the problems we were having exactly?

And I did think it was great and cool. At the start it was a lot of fun. I got massive boosts in self esteem and realising that I'm a guy that women want to be with. Ironic huh

But clearly, my posting isn't wanted here. At first it was fun to post here and the thread was entertaining but now it's just got insanely presumptuous :rolleyes:

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
Bobbie, half of your posts is some serious home truth poo poo that hits me hard, I'll admit, but other parts of it just make me think you actually have no idea about what's happened in my life. You don't like my posting style, but what you need to understand is that it is poo poo posting so of course I'm not painting every aspect. You are making a lot of assumptions amongst your otherwise good and hard hitting posting. idk what to say. appreciate the tough love, but you have a lot of unfair preconceptions.

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012
in the room where you sleep

echinopsis posted:

In what regard? We decided on a two month trial separation, and at the end of that, make some kind of decision.

But we are still living in the same house. We still get on fine, although there are a lot of emotions there. I still care about her immensely and want the very best for her. I don't think I am good enough for her, and I fear that she is wasting her life on me. I know that's some self esteem mess talking because she doesn't see it that way, but she also doesn't want to tolerate my poo poo. So it's like, do I put all my effort into conforming to what she wants?

I'm trying to get fitter, and find better life habits. Proper self care. Less drinking.

But I also want to have fun, and go out, and not having someone texting me asking when I'm coming home. I've so enjoyed this trial separation, where I can just be free to be me, and not have to meet someone else's requirements all the time.

In regards to how you're going to improve yourself. Getting fitter and developing better habits is certainly good and it will benefit you mentally as well. But this bit is what I was thinking of:

quote:

I know that's some self esteem mess talking because she doesn't see it that way, but she also doesn't want to tolerate my poo poo. So it's like, do I put all my effort into conforming to what she wants?

You acknowledge that you have low self esteem which is a really lovely place to be. It makes you feel like poo poo, and it leaves you willing to tolerate and encourage destructive behavior because low self esteem is about insecurity. It would really improve your life in general to think more highly of yourself, not just in your marriage but with your job and your relationships with you friends and it will open up other cool life opportunities for you down the line.

And yet when you're confronted with the possibility of changing you frame improving your quality of life as something "she wants" and something you would have to "conform to." You seem quite eager to keep pursuing these self destructive habits and from the way you talk about it, it sounds like you're doing it out of lowkey spite because you don't want to "conform" to someone's expectations.

But it wouldn't be "conforming." It would be saving your own life in a very non metaphorical way. So my question is, have you made any decisions regarding this very troubling aspect of your own brain?

CharlestonJew
Jul 7, 2011

Illegal Hen

echinopsis posted:

What were the problems we were having exactly?

You're the one that has to think about that, we're only going off the information you've volunteered to us and whatever we can infer from your posts. Whatever your problems were it was bad enough that your wife slowly started drifting to another man, and instead of doing anything about it you encouraged it. Start from there

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

by Smythe

echinopsis posted:

What were the problems we were having exactly?

And I did think it was great and cool. At the start it was a lot of fun. I got massive boosts in self esteem and realising that I'm a guy that women want to be with. Ironic huh

But clearly, my posting isn't wanted here. At first it was fun to post here and the thread was entertaining but now it's just got insanely presumptuous :rolleyes:

I don't know what the problems were, you tell me. It sounds like one of them was that your wife got so enamored with her workplace crush that it became an issue that warranted giving her permission to gently caress him. I've never been married, but I know that crushes happen, and in a healthy relationship you learn how to deal with an attraction to someone else without resorting to an open relationship.

Also, your dedication to poo poo posting isn't admirable. Again, this forum is not the place for it. Drop the lovely act. You'd be amazed at how much more helpful and agreeable you'll find this thread if you quit being so defensive and trying to hide behind gimmicky posting and half-assed attempts to tell us your story.

Edit: And no matter how unwelcome you think your "posting style" is, abandoning your thread is probatable. You're staying on this ride to the bitter end.

Bobbie Wickham fucked around with this message at 02:57 on Oct 1, 2017

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echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
it's annoying that you guys are getting to me and starting to get me to change my perspective

how does one even get self esteem. it always feels like i'm lying to myself when I think "I am good at my job", like, I feel like it only matters if it comes from some one else. I realise this isn't healthy, requiring constant positive feedback.. but it always just feels so insincere to lie to myself about being good at something. is there a trick

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