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ZearothK
Aug 25, 2008

I've lost twice, I've failed twice and I've gotten two dishonorable mentions within 7 weeks. But I keep coming back. I am The Trooper!

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021


Yay, she's back!

What the hell happened between Russia and Scandinavia?

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Hutter
Feb 16, 2011

It's been giving me nightmares.
Would be a good time to use your Golden Age soon right?

Erwin the German
May 30, 2011

:3
Allah is merciful!

Now we just gotta get Tango in here somehow.

Talas
Aug 27, 2005

Glad to see this back. Praise Allah! :peanut:

Snipee
Mar 27, 2010
I am so happy to see this LP return. :)


And I am so confused with what happened in Japan. Just. Uhhh. How?

Demon Of The Fall
May 1, 2004

Nap Ghost
This is one of my favorite LPs currently going. Thanks, Hashim.

Captain Oblivious
Oct 12, 2007

I'm not like other posters

Snipee posted:

I am so happy to see this LP return. :)


And I am so confused with what happened in Japan. Just. Uhhh. How?

What do you mean what ha-hmmmmm. HMMMMMMMM.

I can't get over just how hard Morocco is killing it in the colonialism game in this timeline.

ThatBasqueGuy
Feb 14, 2013

someone introduce jojo to lazyb


Captain Oblivious posted:

What do you mean what ha-hmmmmm. HMMMMMMMM.

I can't get over just how hard Morocco is killing it in the colonialism game in this timeline.

Unless those are unrelated statements, pretty sure the people in Japan are the Manchu

Captain Oblivious
Oct 12, 2007

I'm not like other posters

ThatBasqueGuy posted:

Unless those are unrelated statements, pretty sure the people in Japan are the Manchu

They are unrelated statements yeah. I was HMMMing at unexpected Manchu conquest into Japan, then also being amazed at how much of the globe loving Morocco has eaten up :psyduck:

Crazycryodude
Aug 15, 2015

Lets get our X tons of Duranium back!

....Is that still a valid thing to jingoistically blow out of proportion?


Morocco has managed a pretty good approximation of OTL British Empire that trades Canada for Brazil, now that I look at it.

Rody One Half
Feb 18, 2011

Which is why it's important to cross the straits and start beating all that lunch money out of them.

Grizzwold
Jan 27, 2012

Posters off the pork bow!
That would require us to stop getting our entire navy sunk in every war.

Agean90
Jun 28, 2008


I swear it seems like every single paradox LP has a navy that always gets owned every war.

MinistryofLard
Mar 22, 2013


Goblin babies did nothing wrong.


The sun never sets on the Moroccan Empire.

For all our ambitions of Iberia being a colonial power, Morocco really has us beat on every front. We're barely even colonising Louisiana - it might be worth spinning off an interior Colonial nation.

Alternatively going for Indonesia might be more profitable.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH
Is India still open? South Africa and the western US?

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW

Rodyle posted:

Which is why it's important to cross the straits and start beating all that lunch money out of them.

Or we could stop antagonizing three Great Powers at the same time like a pack of rabid dumbasses!

GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010

I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME
College Slice

Slaan posted:

Is India still open? South Africa and the western US?

India and South Africa are trade companies: subjects but really not. Australia, California and Alaska are still open.

Captain Oblivious
Oct 12, 2007

I'm not like other posters

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

India and South Africa are trade companies: subjects but really not. Australia, California and Alaska are still open.

Morocco's already in the process of eating Australia actually.

Only some thin strips on the west/north coasts are open now.

Erwin the German
May 30, 2011

:3
The good thing is that Morocco's holdings are unlikely to stay in their orbit forever, much like Spain OTL... or, if we're unlucky, like Britain.

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!
Chapter 22 - The Year of Three Sultans - 1720 to 1728


Tariq was a simple man. That’s what he would’ve told you, that’s what he told himself. All he wanted was that which all monarchs wanted: to see their kingdom cast its shadow across the rest of the world.

The preceding century had not done much to achieve that ambition, but with Tariq finally at the helm, he was determined to see it happen. The Mubazirun had been destroyed and disbanded after the ruinous conflicts of the past century, so Sultan Tariq spent the early years of his reign rebuilding the Andalusi army from the ground-up, arming them with the latest muskets and drilling them in the latest tactics, marching from Jabal Tariq to the Pyrenees with massive artillery towed behind them.

Tariq was a simple man, and to him, the sword was the most important weapon in his arsenal.



Of course, all of these men and horses and guns didn’t appear from thin air. Conscription barracks had to be constructed all across Iberia to widen the manpower pool, steeds had to be bought and cavalrymen trained in screening and supporting roles, already-pricey cannons were constantly evolving into more mobile and accurate artillery.

To put it plainly, all of this cost money, and a lot of it.

And the peasantry wouldn’t be able to supply it, they were already being taxed half to death. So Sultan Tariq (with the consent of the Majlis) decided to finally strip the clergy of their age-old tax-free status, massively angering the Sunni masses, who saw it as a Shia attack on their faith.



All of this paid off, however, so that by 1720, the Andalusi army was amongst the largest and most-professional standing forces in Europe. And they proved it over the course of the Andalusi-Portuguese War, where they were thrust against the Celts in countless battles, coming out on top near every time.

The battle of Lenca is a perfect example of this, fought in the hot fertile plains of Central Gharbia in the early months of 1721. The numbers were roughly equal, but the Andalusi scored a huge victory over four hours of fighting, killing and capturing almost 20,000 Celts whilst sustaining much smaller losses of their own.




Battlefield tactics wasn’t the only area of warfare in which the Andalusi excelled, however. Sultan Tariq also sent a platoon of experienced military engineers, all of them tried and tested in the many continental wars, to support the expeditionary force in sieges.



And under the command of the Supreme Commander of all Andalusi forces, Mundir Aliyah, the Andalusi swept across northern Gharbia and recaptured large tracts of undefended land before laying siege to a fortress in Apalachee.



The forts in Gharbia were much smaller than those in Europe, obviously, with inferior defenses and fortifications to boot. The one in Apalachee could scarcely be called a castle, so it didn’t take much to blast its walls apart, with thousands of Muslims pouring through the breach and hoisting a golden Jizrunid flag above its parapets mere hours later.



Once local fortresses were under his firm control, Aliyah led his men westward again, pushing through field and marsh with impressive speed. A small Celtic army had landed not far from Cacaxtes, but the Andalusi managed to reach them before too much damage was done, utterly annihilating their forces in a short battle.



Whilst the Andalusi were scoring victory after victory on the Gharbian mainland, however, the Celts were torching and burning valuable possessions in Juzur Qarbiya. And nothing could be done about it, not whilst the Celts dominated the seas.

So after meeting in an impromptu assembly, the Majlis-al-Shura agreed to finally bow out the war, meeting with Portuguese diplomats just days later. As expected, the negotiations were short and one-sided, with the self-proclaimed King of Portugal forced to cede almost the entirety of his nation to the sultanate.



And this war, moreso than any they’d previously fought, stood as a testament to Andalusi strength-in-arms. Facing the full weight of the Celtic Empire, the Sultanate of Al Andalus had emerged from the war as the uncontested victor, with only the sea standing between them and the unconditional surrender of the Christians.



A clause in the peace treaty included the payment of massive war reparations, which Sultan Tariq immediately funnelled into the construction of new Fortresses in Navarra and Girona, important sites of defensive terrain along the Andalusi-French border.



Speaking of the French, they were still embroiled in a devastating war against a huge European coalition, facing the likes of Bavaria and Provence without any allies of their own. With Provencal forces already wracking up the victories, it was beginning to look like this was to be a century of humiliation for the French.



Of course, that didn’t stop King Dávi from pouring his much-needed money into Iberia, sowing discontent and planting the seeds of turmoil. Supplying Castilian separatists with guns and generals seemed to be a priority for him, even as the Germans were knocking down the walls of Paris.



Just across the Mediterranean, meanwhile, the Sunni (and far more zealous) Jizrunid Emirate of Palermo embarked on a war of their own. With their northern rivals in Provence distracted, the emir decided that the time had come to tear down the Papal State once and for all, and perhaps conquer the city of Rome itself.



The war was short and successful, but the emir eventually decided against taking Rome, perhaps fearful of drawing the ire of the Bavarians. Still, the holy city was plundered and looted, with much of its surrounding environs captured by the Muslims.



Back in Qadis, meanwhile, the League of Merchants were facing endless problems as they lost backing for rebuilding the navy (for what must’ve been the hundredth time). Many believed that even trying to compete with the Celts was a wasted endeavour - much better to focus on the army, where the Andalusi truly shone.



A navy was an important part of being a modern nation-state, however, and it was necessary if Al Andalus was to maintain any illusion of a colonial empire. Even worse, Iberian shores were being constantly raided by pirates (undoubtedly funded by Andalusi rivals), making the presence of a defense squadron even more important.



So after successfully reaching a deal with the aristocratic Taifas in the Majlis, the Merchants managed to scrounge a few coins to invest into a reborn fleet. The new ships were constructed in the fashion of the Celtic threedecker, though it took almost five years to build just half-a-dozen.

The Andalusi would not be challenging the Celts on the seas for quite some time, that much was apparent.



All of this progress was brought to a screeching standstill in 1725, however. Despite being relatively young at 45 years of age, the Sultan fell under a near-fatal illness in the midst of a disease outbreak in the capital, forcing him to relinquish most of his responsibilities to high-ranking sheikhs and imams.

And his condition wouldn’t improve, not quickly at least. The next three years would prove to be very rough on the royal family.



Sultan Tariq was quickly whisked out of the capital, transported to his summer palace in Granada for recovery instead, where he was surrounded by clean air and seas of brightly-coloured flowers.

The Sultan had never fathered any children, seeing it as a waste of his valuable time, but it meant that there was nobody he could fully trust now. Thus, whilst he was being treated by his physicians, Tariq began to develop an affinity for reading - something that, as a warrior-sultan, he’d always scorned. Why read when there were thousands who could read for you, after all?



This affinity developed into a passion, and the passion into an obsession. The Sultan began inviting all manner of celebrated writers, artists, scientists and inventors to his lonely court in Granada, filling the silence around him with heart-wrenching poetry, gasps of awe and reverential applause.



Before long, this court in Granada became famous for its colourful prodigies and deep-pocketed patrons, and Tariq himself became renowned for his generous patronage of the arts. Not something anyone would have predicted, back when he was first crowned Sultan.



Whilst culture and art thrived in Andalusia, the ruinous decade-long war between France and the eastern coalition finally came to an end, and in surprising victory for the former.

Apparently, despite a number of early defeats, the French had developed novel tactics that managed to turn the tide of the war in their favour. The last two years had seen a series of crushing French victories stretching from Paris to Ulm, before they too were defeated and thrown back into France proper.

The war thus closed with only minor concessions, bringing an inconclusive end to a conflict that had claimed hundreds of thousands.



But the French would have no rest. Less than a month of peace passed before Irish diplomats arrived in Paris, quickly followed by the sinking of the French fleet and an assault on Normandy. And with that, another Celtic-French War begins.



As turmoil erupted into war to the north of Iberia, conflict also brew towards the south. Early in 1726, word reached Qadis of another Moroccan war, with the Almoravid Sultan determined to expand his already-considerable Indian empire through blood and conquest.



The Berbers had invested considerable resources into building a huge colonial empire, one on which the sun never set, but that didn’t mean they ignored regional politics.

Whilst the Andalusi had been busy fighting the Celts, the Almoravids had carried out a series of raids on Cagliari, raids which quickly escalated into full-blown war. This war could only end in one way, however, and the prince of Sardinia was forced to kneel and swear vassalage to the Almoravid Sultan.



War was seemingly flaring up all across the world, because this was immediately followed by a Provencal declaration against the Papal States - now limited to the city of Rome. The fall of the kingdom of God on Earth had been steep and sudden, and with this, its end was surely in sight.



And that was exactly what happened. The Pope was guaranteed his safety and position in Rome so long as he surrendered peacefully, but for all intents and purposes, the Papal States were at an end. The Italians at large had suffered defeat after defeat over the past three centuries, and with the Pope himself now humbled, it didn’t look like it would change anytime soon.



Once upon a time, Sultan Tariq would have pounced upon such a wide array of opportunities. With everyone from the Celts to France to Morocco distracted, he would have demanded that the Majlis declare war, whatever the consequences.

Now standing at death’s door, however, he wasn’t the man he once was. His illness (some claimed it was a cancer) was slowly eating him from the inside out, and Tariq could only find joy in reading the works of philosophers and scholars.



Unsurprisingly, intellectuals of every trade and craft now flocked to Granada, which had earned a reputation for being a haven for free thinkers. Scientists and statesmen, mathematicians and reformers, innovators and architects, writers and painters, they all swarmed towards the court of Sultan Tariq II from every corner of the world.



And it was this, though few could have guessed it at the time, that laid the foundation for something of a scientific revolution in Al Andalus. Thousands of thinkers working and competing against one another for the Sultan’s favour led to rapid developments in everything from physics to astronomy, biology to chemistry, philosophy to industry.

This was surely the beginnings of the Enlightenment, and where best for it to be spearheaded than Al Andalus, a nation only just recovering from a century of hardship.



In the midst of all this, however, tragedy struck. Sultan Tariq - just the second monarch of the Tariqi Jizrunids - died in his sleep early in 1727, claimed by disease. With no sons to carry his name, he was succeeded by his brother, and immediate preparations were made to crown Sultan Ibrahim I.



Fortunately, Ibrahim had several sons of his own, with his eldest Galind officially proclaimed his heir shortly afterwards.



Intellectuals and scholars all hoped that the new sultan would continue the advancements Tariq had made in his last years, but Ibrahim’s reign would be short and sorrowful, to the misfortune of all. Mere weeks after the death of Sultan Tariq, the young heir to the sultanate was swept with a terrifying illness.



Constantly sweating and yet cold to the touch, Galind was surrounded by the very best physicians Al Andalus had to offer over the next few hours, all clamouring to try and save the child. When night ended and the sun rose, however, it heralded the death of the heir.



This broke Ibrahim, in both spirit and mind. The new Sultan was said to have been struck by madness, immediately ordering the execution of the physicians, who’d all failed to save his brother and son between them. The sorrow didn’t end there, however, because Ibrahim himself was found dead a few days afterward - with the cause of death conspicuously unannounced, though rumours were abound within minutes.



With that, three of the most important figures in Al Andalus were all dead within a year of each other. This cast doubt over the future of Al Andalus - would the scientific revolution be allowed to grow? Would the tensions between Sunni and Shia finally bubble into violence? Would these deaths plunge the Jizrunids into another civil war?

And with a mere babe sitting on the throne, these questions fall to the Majlis al-Shura for answers.



World map:


Morocco and Gondwana have very similar colours, so I used my artistic skills to drawn a line where the border is (I think). I’ll change their colour before the next update.

hashashash fucked around with this message at 17:54 on Jun 10, 2019

Ralepozozaxe
Sep 6, 2010

A Veritable Smorgasbord!


There is always a price.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH
This bloody family is cursed! :ohdear:

The Bold Kobold
Aug 11, 2014

Bold to the point of certain death.
It's always something going wrong!

Luhood
Nov 13, 2012
Why can't Andalusia ever catch a break? Poor Jizrunids...

Lord Cyrahzax
Oct 11, 2012

Is that France taking over Borneo? Our colonial opportunities are now Mexico and California: we have to conquer them!

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

Lord Cyrahzax posted:

Is that France taking over Borneo? Our colonial opportunities are now Mexico and California: we have to conquer them!

Time to make the United Pacific States of Gharbia

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!
Ninth Meeting of the Majlis

: Ahem. Welcome back to the Majlis-al-Shura, my fellow nobles, merchants and imams. I am Galind al-Aftasid, as I’m sure you all know, the Emir of Batalyaws. It feels like it’s been a long time since we last met, much longer than usual, eh? Funny how the mind plays tricks sometimes.

: I’ll get straight to the point. The sultan is dead, his brother is dead, and a one-year-old now sits the throne. We’ll have to act quickly if we’re to assert our authority - I have no doubt pretenders will rise up soon enough, claiming the sultanate through their fiftieth cousin thrice-removed or something.

: The young sultan is already in our possession, and the army will be on our side once coin switches a few hands. We have more important priorities to deal with first, however - the reshuffling of the Majlis and election of a Grand Vizier.

: The opportunities that lay before us are many and bountiful - France stands weak and distracted, and this may well be our best chance to declare an aggressive war against them. In the new world and beyond, there’s still vast stretches of unclaimed land, not to mention the weak native empires waiting to be conquered. Even here and now, in Iberia, we have the means to begin developing provinces and constructing buildings. There are cracks and risks that may also present themselves, but for now, the world’s our oyster.

: So let’s get down to business. I bid you all align yourselves to a faction, and to do so wisely, as we’ll never have a better opportunity to determine the course of our great country.

---

There’s one new addition to the factions: the Andalusi Diwan. They’ll be made up of the ‘new nobles’ admitted into the Majlis by Sultans al-Muhsin and Tariq, and their primary objective is to see Al Andalus at peace, focusing completely on internal development.

More importantly, however, I should stress that the Andalusi Diwan has to be at least the second-largest faction for there to be some measure of internal peace. If they’re not, you’ll see things like separatists, religious zealots and maybe even revolutionaries a little later on beginning to take root.

So yeah, here are the factions:

The New Taifas

Made up of the nobility of the realm, the Taifas advocate for:
-Expansion of the standing army, rather than the navy.
-Territorial expansion, especially on the Iberian Peninsula.
-Constructing Army and Defense buildings.
-Only the Taifas can freely declare conquest wars.

Effects: Bonus to army morale, larger army force limit, significantly smaller naval force limit, greater AE impact.



The League of Merchants

The increasingly powerful League of Merchants advocate for:
-A focus on trade and maximising income above all else.
-Avoiding costly wars.
-Constructing larger navies, both trade fleets and war navies.
-Constructing Trade and Navy buildings.
-Only the Merchants can colonise.

Effects: Bonus to naval force limit, boost to trade power, significantly smaller army force limit.



The Reformed Ulema

Representing the Shia clergy in the Majlis, the Reformed Ulema advocate for:
-Religious conversion of heretic provinces to Shiism.
-A focus on furthering the position of religion in the government.
-Constructing Taxation and Production buildings.
-Ulema want to establish the state religion as the dominant faith throughout Iberia.

Effects: Higher missionary strength, boost to taxes, more tolerance of the true faith, less tolerance of heathens and heretics.



The Andalusi Diwan

Essentially made up of the Sultan’s entourage, the Andalusi Diwan advocate for:
-A focus on peace above all else, they’re the only faction who refuse to be drawn into war.
-Advancing technology and constructing buildings, they have no restrictions and can build anything.
-Preventing rebels from taking root.

Effects when largest: Less national unrest, boost to taxes, cheaper buildings, smaller army and naval force limits.
Effects when smallest: More national unrest, cut to taxes, more expensive buildings, event-driven rebellions and revolts.



---

State of Affairs

Government: Constitutional Monarchy
Ruling Faction: n/a
Permitted Factions: The New Taifas, the League of Merchants, the Reformed Ulema, the Andalusi Diwan.
Rivals: France, Morocco, Celtic Empire
Alliances: Bavaria, Liege.
Subjects: none
Other Pacts: none
Diplomatic slots: 2/5
Treasury: 200 gold (500 in debt)
Current net income: 14 gold/month

---

Icon links:

code:

New Taifas: [img]https://lpix.org/2786920/Taifas.png[/img]

League of Merchants: [img]https://lpix.org/2786922/Merchants.png[/img]

Reformed Ulema: [img]https://lpix.org/2885768/newulema.png[/img]

Andalusi Diwan: [img]https://lpix.org/2949681/diwan.png[/img]

zetamind2000
Nov 6, 2007

I'm an alien.



I stand always with the New Taifas

Yvonmukluk
Oct 10, 2012

Everything is Sinister



i like the cut of these new guys' jib!

Ralepozozaxe
Sep 6, 2010

A Veritable Smorgasbord!



I hear that there are calls for the riches of foreign lands to be obtained. It will be done.

Lord Cyrahzax
Oct 11, 2012



The Taifas have the only vision Al-Andalus needs: triumph, in Europe, in Gharbia, and in Asia! We will build an Andalusi empire to rival the perfidious Celts and the Moroccan tyrants!

Crazycryodude
Aug 15, 2015

Lets get our X tons of Duranium back!

....Is that still a valid thing to jingoistically blow out of proportion?


Ralepozozaxe posted:


I hear that there are calls for the riches of foreign lands to be obtained. It will be done.

:yeah:

Activate the Peacock Pope :getin:

Ikasuhito
Sep 29, 2013

Haram as Fuck.

When they ask how much money is enough, always reply...

"Just a little bit more."

GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010

I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME
College Slice


Tossing my support to the Andalusi Dawn

Dance Officer
May 4, 2017

It would be awesome if we could dance!


Dansar Rabb al'ustul remains with the Merchants

it may finally be time to settle some scores with Morocco, and decide who will be dominant in the Western Mediterranean

Erwin the German
May 30, 2011

:3


Peace in our time.

GunnerJ
Aug 1, 2005

Do you think this is funny?


Merchants

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!

Dance Officer posted:

it may finally be time to settle some scores with Morocco, and decide who will be dominant in the Western Mediterranean

Remember that for conquest wars (aka wars in Europe/North Africa) you'll have to go for the Taifas. Merchants can only declare colonial wars (aka rest of the world).

vanity slug
Jul 20, 2010



Without a ruler, now is the time for peace.

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Frionnel
May 7, 2010

Friends are what make testing worth it.


Taifas forever.

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