Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Bigfoot fesh was just what I needed to read this morning.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 08:40

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# ? May 10, 2024 14:24

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

Yeah, big shoes.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 08:47

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Now I'm worrying if being kidnapped and forced to have sex with a dog/pig is a real thing :ohdear:

# ? Oct 19, 2017 11:06

A Strange Aeon: Mar 26, 2010; You are now a slimy little toad; The Great Twist

8 Ball posted:

Now I'm worrying if being kidnapped and forced to have sex with a dog/pig is a real thing

That's a not uncommon fraternity hazing ritual, if I'm not mistaken. It's why frat bros tend to be bros for life, since they're bonded by trauma. I'm more concerned with the animals who are certainly being exploited by this outdated practice.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 13:21

Marmaduke!: May 19, 2009; Why would it do that!?

Former British PM David Cameron is said to have hosed a dead pig's head as part of some posho thing.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 13:29

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I never bothered checking, but did the British tabloids pull out every conceivable "porking" pun they could when that story broke?

# ? Oct 19, 2017 13:41

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Solice Kirsk posted:

I never bothered checking, but did the British tabloids pull out every conceivable "porking" pun they could when that story broke?

You bet.

Though the journalistic standards behind the story were loving weak. I seem to remember the woman who published it claiming something along the lines of "well I thought it was funny" rather than actually fact checking.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 13:48

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

A Strange Aeon posted:

That's a not uncommon fraternity hazing ritual, if I'm not mistaken. It's why frat bros tend to be bros for life, since they're bonded by trauma. I'm more concerned with the animals who are certainly being exploited by this outdated practice.

I can't imagine taking a bullet for a guy who forced me to stick my dick in a pig.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 14:28

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

let me just steer this discussion away from bestiality and back to pedophilia

quote:

I�m a guy in his early 30s who is attracted to both men and boys between the ages of about 7 and 12. I have never acted on, these feelings and have no real desire to either because I know how harmful doing so would be for the child. While some may find it difficult to believe, I�ve never struggled with that aspect of my attraction. It's always been in the same category as murder: completely unthinkable to the point where no matter the situation I�ve never even considered it.

This all started in my early teens. I got a crush on a 7-year-old boy who went to my church. At the time, I didn�t think of it as such, but looking back now, I can see that is exactly what it was. I wasn�t really sexually attracted to him, but I did think he was very pretty and enjoyed talking to him whenever I got the chance, although that wasn�t very often. After a while he moved away and I mostly forgot about him, but I continued to feel this way about young boys and I started to find myself sexally attracted to them as well. At first, I figured I this would all go away as I got older. It did not, and when I was 21, I finally admitted to myself that I was gay and a pedophile. It was the most painful moment of my life. Accepting that I am gay by itself wasn't especially easy considering my rather christian upbringing but something I could have handled but realizing that I was a paedophile was horrendous. Every other pedophile I had ever heard of was some sort of child-molesting monster. At this point, I was volunteering in the preschool class with 4-5-year-olds at my church, and while I had never had a problem with temptation or anything because they�re outside of my age of attraction, I began to wonder if perhaps I would somehow go crazy and hurt a kid someday. I wanted to ask for help, but I was afraid to because I thought that everyone would hate me or assume I had done something wrong when I never had. I also thought about quitting the volunteering, but at the time, I had no idea what to say to people because everyone thought I was wonderful with the kids and knew I was planning on being a teacher, so they would be quite surprised if I quit without explanation. Instead, I kept teaching preschoolers because I felt safe there, and I told myself that if I started to doubt myself, I would quit. I also became incredibly depressed and contemplated suicide. I figured that if pedophilia really is some sort of degenerative thing, then by killing myself, I would be preventing some kid from getting hurt in the future. I never could bring myself to seriously plan it out or anything because I didn�t want to hurt my family, but I still hoped everyday that I would get hit by a car or something.

In time I reached out online. I mentioned my problem on a forum and eventually found someone who was willing to listen and help me figure this all out. Eventually I even met some other pedophiles who, like me, were dedicated to never offending. With all of their help I came to understand my attraction and myself. I came to realize that my feelings are more than just sexual, but very nurturing and protective as well. Its one of the things that makes me such a great teacher. I also realized that my feelings do not make me some sort of monster or potential rapist; raping someone is a conscious choice, and one that I�ve never considered. All I�ve ever done is cared for the children in my life and I�m completely content with that.

At this point in my life, I decided studying early childhood education so that when I graduated, I could eventually run my own class. I worked part time in a preschool program and found it to be one of the most fulfilling things I�ve ever done in my life. Eventually I graduated and became a teacher.

I care about the kids I work with and feel so lucky to be able to be a part of their lives. It is still difficult to live with this secret, not because my attraction itself is hard to manage, but because I still have to hide it from almost everyone I know. I did tell my younger sister and she�s been quite supportive of me. I am so lucky to have her. Aside from that no one knows, and it really sucks. I wish I could talk to people and explain that there are many pedophiles who are not monsters or child molesters, but its too dangerous for me. That�s really why I wrote this. Hopefully I can change at least one person�s mind, or at the very least, allow one person to reconsider their stance.

you are at least less whiny than the last guy, although "too dangerous for me" is not the reason most people would give for not molesting children

I dunno, I'd feel more inclined to believe your claims if you found yourself a nice adult man to settle down with. You have indicated that this is an option for you, so take it. Otherwise I'm gonna say that you really shouldn't be a teacher.

quote:

I am a cook in a restaurant. I don't have a lot of experience, but I am certainly willing to learn and to soldier through the long days. I speak a tiny bit of Spanish but that is hardly enough to efficiently communicate with my co-workers, all of whom speak Spanish almost exclusively. A dinner rush is hardly the time for language lessons, and my inability to understand has led to some frustration and hosed up plates. I don't hear very well to begin with, and frankly, Mexicans tend to mumble a lot, so the going is rough. On top of that, it's an Asian restaurant, so the key terms used in the menu aren't English or Spanish, and between the accents and dialects involved, this is often poo poo, just poo poo. And I was hired because I said I speak a little tiny bit of Spanish, so they were hoping I could help the cooks understand special orders from the servers.

My confession is that I feel guilty for being able to understand this cultural situation from both liberal and conservative viewpoints, to use general terms. On one hand, I see the benefits of a multicultural society, I know that these people are working their balls off and probably worry about their immigration status all the time, and I was raised to love everybody, blame my own shortcomings before trying to blame anybody else for anything, and these folks have been quite patient with me.

On the other hand, these people have basically monopolized large sectors of labor here illegally, so gently caress 'em. They're similar to the mafia a hundred years ago. In fact, they actually have their own mafia. It's called the Mexican Mafia. I can see why a lot of people would be insulted that one of our major political parties seems to favor this outside group over citizens. Of course, I know it's not that simple.

I'm not really sure having a lot of people of one ethnicity working as line cooks is really comparable to the mafia :confused:

# ? Oct 19, 2017 14:47

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

I like to imagine the goodfellas sauce scene, except with way more cilantro.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 14:58

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

loquacius posted:

let me just steer this discussion away from bestiality and back to pedophilia

Ahem*

"Cryptobestiality"

# ? Oct 19, 2017 15:00

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

Wow, the bizarre comparison of Mexican immigration to organized crime at the turn of the century aside, you're missing out on a huge opportunity here, friend.

Invite your coworkers out for drinks. When you've all loosened up, explain that you don't speak much Spanish and ask for some pointers. Definitely show them how little you know about their language by trying to converse in it, because people in general find that poo poo hilarious, especially after a couple of beers. You can make friends, have a good time, and learn how to communicate more effectively at work, all at once.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 15:15

A Strange Aeon: Mar 26, 2010; You are now a slimy little toad; The Great Twist

Not to make a huge derail but I never understood why people get pissed off at the immigrants working illegally and not the industries which routinely hire them and which would be less successful if they had to pay legal wages.

Construction and hospitality (hotels, restaurants, etc) are hugely guilty of this, but no one ever suggests punishing them, it's always the immigrant's fault.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 16:37

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

And farming. Illegal immigrants pick fruits and veggies for cheap.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 17:22

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

A Strange Aeon posted:

Not to make a huge derail but I never understood why people get pissed off at the immigrants working illegally and not the industries which routinely hire them and which would be less successful if they had to pay legal wages.

Construction and hospitality (hotels, restaurants, etc) are hugely guilty of this, but no one ever suggests punishing them, it's always the immigrant's fault.

Because people don't like the idea of someone breaking the rules, but they do like the idea of paying less money for things.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 17:27

Unbelievably Fat Man: Jun 1, 2000; Innocent people. I could never hurt innocent people.

Money conveys power and the boss man always has power. The immigrants have little money and even less power so those with power point anxiety and rage at the powerless so nobody will question why they deserve the money in the first place.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 17:40

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Americans seem to have an unhealthy obsession with business. gently caress religion and all that, what Americans really worship is business. It's not the sacred business man's fault cheap labor comes to him. Besides, if he is making money he is clearly right and good.

They also speak a different language and people LOVE making GBS threads on those they are incapable of communicating with or understanding. That's humans in general though and not unique to 'Murrica.

Edit: I also forgot the dumb conventional wisdom that if you don't appreciate or give them enough benefits the businessman will just back up their jobs and leave. They are almost treated like Greek gods.

All hail the businessman who crates jobs out of the goodness of his heart and is incredibly fickle.

limp_cheese fucked around with this message at 18:26 on Oct 19, 2017

# ? Oct 19, 2017 18:11

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

so are we ignoring that there's a pedophile working with children

# ? Oct 19, 2017 18:25

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

It's easier for simple minds to blame the people who look different and speak in strange tongues rather than the unfathomably large and amorphous blob that is capitalism

# ? Oct 19, 2017 18:27

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

Police Automaton posted:

so are we ignoring that there's a pedophile working with children

i'm against it

# ? Oct 19, 2017 18:32

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Capitalism didn't invent working the poor till they died.

Police Automaton posted:

so are we ignoring that there's a pedophile working with children

I'm not. Despite everything he was saying he kept writing things like "too risky" and "safe because they're outside of my age range." I'm hoping it's a bait post, but if not then he needs to get real help.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 18:33

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Police Automaton posted:

so are we ignoring that there's a pedophile working with children

but enough about the SA mods!

# ? Oct 19, 2017 18:33

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Police Automaton posted:

so are we ignoring that there's a pedophile working with children

There�s two sides to every story

# ? Oct 19, 2017 18:36

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

I feel really sorry for all the "good pedophiles" out there that never act on their urges and I wish there was a way to cure them, but holy gently caress if you're one of them please don't work anywhere near kids what the gently caress is wrong with you (other than being a pedo)

# ? Oct 19, 2017 19:33

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Baronjutter posted:

I feel really sorry for all the "good pedophiles" out there that never act on their urges and I wish there was a way to cure them, but holy gently caress if you're one of them please don't work anywhere near kids what the gently caress is wrong with you (other than being a pedo)

It's like a gambling addict working as a casino poker dealer or a drug addict selling drugs and trying to abstain. It's going to end badly every single time no matter how much you tell yourself you are stronger than your urges. Eventually the opportunity will present itself and you'll do what your brain wants you to do so badly.

The only solution is to remove yourself from situations where the opportunity presents itself. Teaching kids is not doing that.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 19:40

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Police Automaton posted:

so are we ignoring that there's a pedophile working with children

Eh, Sam ran a bar in Cheers and that worked out just fine.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 20:22

Marmaduke!: May 19, 2009; Why would it do that!?

I always wondered what the mafia was called in Mexico, and now I know

# ? Oct 19, 2017 21:23

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Marmaduke! posted:

I always wondered what the mafia was called in Mexico, and now I know

Yeah, I mean just calling that poo poo "The M" highlights how loving lazy those Mexicans really are.

# ? Oct 19, 2017 21:48

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

"Cosa Nostra" is just Italian for "our thing"

# ? Oct 19, 2017 22:00

spookykid: Apr 28, 2006; I am an awkward fellow
after all

yeah I eat rear end posted:

I have no idea what this is supposed to mean

From the last page, but Mnemonic/Method of Loci domiciles are created with very similar methods to Tulpa, in that you are creating a fictional thing that becomes so strongly ingrained that for all intents and purposes your brain treats it as real. The joke being that my memory palace is pretty low-rent and stands to be gentrified soon.

# ? Oct 20, 2017 04:21

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Dannywilson posted:

From the last page, but Mnemonic/Method of Loci domiciles are created with very similar methods to Tulpa, in that you are creating a fictional thing that becomes so strongly ingrained that for all intents and purposes your brain treats it as real. The joke being that my memory palace is pretty low-rent and stands to be gentrified soon.

There�s really nothing mystical about the Method of Loci though. Human brains rely very heavily on spatial memory so the method of Loci is really just about associating facts with geography is a way that helps your brain recall it easier.

# ? Oct 20, 2017 04:28

spookykid: Apr 28, 2006; I am an awkward fellow
after all

fruit on the bottom posted:

There�s really nothing mystical about the Method of Loci though. Human brains rely very heavily on spatial memory so the method of Loci is really just about associating facts with geography is a way that helps your brain recall it easier.

I know, I was using it as a source of humor in the realm of talking about weird chuds and their made up succubus mind constructs. Instead of building a mental house to make memory associations easier, they are building mental fuckdolls that don't help in any way better themselves.

# ? Oct 20, 2017 04:34

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Fair enough. I guess I must be coming down with a touch of the 'tism.

# ? Oct 20, 2017 04:36

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

Pedo guy: stay away from education. I respect how you've managed to never molest anyone, but still, fercrissake, stay away from kids.

Nonmexican guy: your boss isn't hiring Mexicans to be 'multicultural', he's hiring them because he can pay them less. If you're really pissed off, drop a dime to Immigration.

# ? Oct 20, 2017 06:14

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Theophany posted:

Eh, Sam ran a bar in Cheers and that worked out just fine.

Yeah! He only backslid, what, once? Twice?

...Oh.

# ? Oct 20, 2017 06:58

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

In high school I had a friend who was a little weird. He got too heavy into drugs, dropped out of school and I hadn't heard from him for years. Then he popped up and we met again at a bar. He was driving a new Tesla and showed me his apartment which was loving amazing. I congratulated him on turning his life around and then he told me that he made this money doing favors on darknet. He wouldn't get into anything further and I assumed he was just bullshitting me or if he was real, he was selling drugs. I would talk to him sporadically and it was mostly him bragging about throwing around all kinds of cash. I hadn't heard from him in a while until he was killed in loving Belarus of all places. Maybe he was telling the truth after all. Never did find out what he did to make money but he made a lot of money judging from what I saw. Meanwhile I work some poo poo job begging for cost of living raises. The world ain't fair.

You also have not yet been killed in Belarus. Try to keep your perspective!

Skipping: assassination threat toward the President; let's try not to get SA shut down pls

quote:

I was out at the local bar one night and met a nice guy and his wife and had a good time talking to them. A bit later I saw him at the bus stop and said 'hi' but he ignored me. That bothered me, so I got in touch with his wife via Facebook and hosed her.

harsh but fair

# ? Oct 20, 2017 13:55

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

loquacius posted:

Skipping: assassination threat toward the President; let's try not to get SA shut down pls

Awww, that one woulda been a nice distraction from pedophiles and bigfoot fuckers.

# ? Oct 20, 2017 14:33

Indolent Bastard: Oct 26, 2007; I WON THIS AMAZING AVATAR! I'M A WINNER! WOOOOO!

loquacius posted:

Skipping: assassination threat toward the President; let's try not to get SA shut down pls

Forward it to the FBI, see how anonymous guerrillamail really is.

# ? Oct 20, 2017 14:57

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Indolent Bastard posted:

Forward it to the FBI, see how anonymous guerrillamail really is.

Snitches get stitches

# ? Oct 21, 2017 06:42

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# ? May 10, 2024 14:24

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I�m really worried I�m loving up my relationship.

We are engaged and our wedding date is August of 2019. We�ve been together 4 years and everything was great.

I got a new job in March. Long hours, lots of stress. It�s starting to gently caress with me mentally - I work from 9 am to 7 pm on a good day, and usually it�s closer to 9 pm.

At least twice a week I come home so exhausted I fall asleep on the couch before we even have dinner. At least once a month I cry by myself in the bathroom because of the stress.

My wife has been super supportive but I sense her patience waning. She works but she�s also started doing all the chores and cooking dinner for me. I appreciate it and tell her this, but she keeps urging me to find a new job �before it affects our relationship�.

I�ve missed about a half dozen events we were supposed to go to because of work - mostly dinners but also a movie with friends and a haunted house we were supposed to go to last Friday. My wife told me she understood. But I could tell she was pissed.

I started job hunting about 2 weeks ago but it�s slow going and I know realistically it might be 2-3 months until I get a job.

I wonder a lot if I should quit. My wife has said we could handle it financially with her job, but I worry about my unemploymed time stretching into the months or even years.

I�m in the bathroom at work right now, and my boss has already said it�s going to be a late night. My wife and I planned a date night. I told her I�d be late and she just texted back �what else is new. See you when I see you� and my heart broke.

Your wife is right to be frustrated, even if she shouldn't be taking it out on you. You're actively looking for a new job already; being a jerk to you when you get work put on you at your current lovely job doesn't solve anything. But put her aside for a second: you seem fuckin' miserable there in your own right. Quit your job. Don't do it for her, do it for yourself. You'll be able to devote more time to job-searching and having an intact non-crushed soul can only do good things for your interview performance. Just don't let yourself get stuck in a rut in the meantime.

quote:

I think I just lost a long time friend because I asked to watch her poop. I've known her for 7 years, and she is one of my best friends. A couple of months ago we were all sitting around having drinks and the topic of scat came up and everyone did the usual "Oh, so gross!" stuff but then we started asking each other what would their price be to actually do something like that. This is my fetish and absolutely nobody knows about it. I'm very ashamed of it. Anyways, my friend then said she would poop in front of someone for $1000. We all laugh it off and went on with our night. But not me, I thought about it, a lot. I decided to save a few pay checks and ask her. I really don't know what I was thinking. I asked her to come over last night and brought up the conversation in the best way I knew how and suggested that I pay her the money to watch her poop. I have NEVER seen someone so uncomfortable before. Just the thought of the face she made sends shivers down my spine. She quickly told me no and told me she had to leave. I haven't talked to her since and I cant imagine how many of our mutual friends she as told. My life is in ruins.

Ok, first off, don't do that

Second off, calm down. I'm trying to put myself in her position and if I were her I would not tell anyone because that is a conversation I really don't want to have more than once with more than one person. Your life isn't in ruins. Just say you're sorry. You might be down one friend though, sorry to say.

# ? Oct 21, 2017 15:07

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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