Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

This one is marked as "part 2"; I'm pretty sure part 1 was this post here but not 100%

quote:

Please don't doxx me.

2017 Started well, I was engaged, planning a wedding was stressful and we both were realizing that we probably should have eloped as gently caress the family stress, friend stress, and all that other god damned stress that suddenly just appears and grinds at you but whatever. Relationship going well, work going well, gonna get married and have a great honeymoon.

Then the summer starts and one of my oldest and closest friends, who was going to be the officiant at the wedding, rapes me.

My life imploded, what a surprise.

Then a couple months later, while trying to deal with the impossible pain, I got arrested for a DUI. and loving the god drat justice system I hate it now. There's basically no chance I can press charges in the rape, he was crafty as poo poo about everything and I loving hate it. There were poo poo tons of warning signs and events that had happened, but that's all just hindsight. I'm pretty angry about the dui poo poo as it's the justice system coming in swiftly, lol jk, I still havent' been charged months later. and for other amendment fun, I found out what happens if you ask for an attorney and are denied. jack loving poo poo is what happens, because you're a god drat criminal now and it;s your tainted word only. And this happened as I had been working up the trust to contact the police to at least make the police report about the rape. This was a work up, because the process (in a major city no less) is so hosed. You call 911. They'll send someone to take the report when they're free. Yup. I had worked up the courage to call twice, 4 hours, 6 hours waiting, neither occasion was that enough time. To report a loving rape. To a non-specialized cop that was probably not going to be very understanding becuase they're not really trained for this.

Training in this poo poo seems to be important too, the first therapist I was seeing really didn't help so much, and if we go down the what-if's tunnel I probably wouldn't have got arrested for a dui if I had just gone to a specialist. I'm now with a specialist. also i've given up drinking. or I'm choosing sobriety. perceptions really do matter, and looking at life as I can either be sober in a situation or not, but I can only live it once. also it just makes me more sad the next day so it's a terrible escape.

It's still hard though because guys just don't get raped by other guys that often. It hosed with my sexuality pretty hard for a couple days, but a good thing that happened was the sexual abuse hotline. Real early they helped with that and reassuring that being raped doesn't change your sexuality, you get to choose you always. I'm straight, a boring kind even, and that's totally great for me. We really shouldn't have so much sexuality bullshit in our culture, I wish we didn't.

I'm still really sad now. That's why I'm continuing with this part 2. No joke I was going to write it on the same night I got the DUI, I also was trying to tackle a trigger that night, I set myself up for failure real bad there. But bitterness isn't great.

I know I have to be sad for a while, it's part of healing. It sucks that it's months and I'm still insanely sad. this is stuff that's making me sad.

I'm a rape victim. I don't want to feel like a victim but I do. and even people taht care deeply about me still hurt me accidentally because it's just not easy. no one knows how to act. I'm a loving goon and I worked really hard to avoid getting triggers. I browsed the forums still, i clicked on articles that were about rape, and tried to avoid any. I still have triggers though and it sucks. I'm sad it didn't work, I'm sad I'm a minefield of emotional bombs, I understand why it's called damaged goods and it's hard to not feel that way, it's how i feel.

my relationship was hurt really bad. the good thing is that it confirmed I picked the right girl to marry. sshe's been really supportive and i love her, but god the relationship was hurt so much. we had to get separate places to live as we only had 1 bedroom and that's been hard.

we lost the wedding and the money. I know it's jsut money, but it was spent and the hard parts were mostly done, we were coming up to the wedding, wedding cancellations went out. that yeah. she was great and handled it, but that's awful. I'm sad i never got to see her in her wedding dress. i'm sad we didn't get to have the fun day, even if it's not all it's made out to be we had a lot of us in it and it's hard. it's embarassing too , being that couple that 'failed'. we called it a failure as i don't really want to talk about being raped to everyone. I still haven't done that with a lot of friends that crossover to the rapist gently caress. I hate him.

Then we lost the honeymoon, i've never left north america, it was booked, non-refundable becuase we were all in on the wedding and the extra cost and then yeah. didn't get to have a honeymoon. I'd never even taken a full week off of work, just never had good enough benefits or enough funds in between jobs, and then depression had hurt the past couple years. and we never got to go, it was taken away like so much and it hurts. an experience wwe were supposed to have and even if we go someday we won't get it, it just is never the same and it's poo poo.

halloween was bad, it's my favorite holiday and this was my first ever bad halloween. I cried almost the entire day.

sex life is imploded. There isn't really one and yeah. even with time and therapy and poo poo it'll never be the same. nothing will ever be the same.

it should be a great week now, my favorite holiday, having just gotten married and a great honeymoon, other good poo poo. instead I check the mail every day dreading any legal charges that might happen (I didn't have very much to drink so I may be under the limit, I have an attorney and all that, there are some amazing friends that have really helped me a lot, i havent lost all faith in humanity. I got a cat too, cat's are great, this cat is really great.

I hate having to barricade my door at night to feel safe.

I want to be happy, and I know I can, I know it. But it just feels so far away. and i have to be sad for a while. Work is going well which is good, but i've missed way more time than i want and it would be going so much better if I didn't havve to deal with this.

I do feel a little better having typed this, the idea I guess is that I'm taking sadness and symbolically removing it. I just want to be happy, but it's okay if i'm not yet.

jesus

Well, for what it's worth, it really sucks that this all happened to you, and healing is a long process but you're doing a great job. Good luck and stay strong.

quote:

I try to be a good person IRL, and I like to think I'm one too. I'm not just talking about outward stuff like religious practices, or keeping up my social life etc, but also stuff like donating to charity anonymously, helping out my friends and family if they ever need a hand, that kind of thing.

However, lately I've been reading a lot of power fantasy sexual stuff, from relatively benign things like sexual slavery, all the way to full on outright snuff porn. I haven't had sex in a while, and I'm kind of afraid to start doing so for fear I'll accidentally strangle a girl while I'm in the moment or something. I've also found it more difficult to get it up unless the porn I'm consuming has some extreme element to it. I'm not going to go into much detail, save that I don't think strangulation, cannibalism and dismemberment are things that should be mixed in with sex, despite what my dick thinks.

So I guess I'd like some advice with this confession: Is this a problem for a therapist or psychiatrist? And if I do talk about this stuff, will I be put on a watchlist or anything? I haven't done anything illegal (apart from visiting said sites), and I hope that should cover it, but I'm not sure. I've heard of some cop who was caught going on sites pretty much like the ones I visit, and that ruined his life. I'm no billionaire, but I'd like to keep what I've got going right now.

I dunno, even as someone who has been pretty judgey on one fetish in particular over the past day or so, in general I don't think watching the wrong porn is something you should be "worried" about. People are into all sorts of weird poo poo; you're an adult and you can separate fantasy from reality. But yeah, I'd still recommend you see a therapist, because you're obviously super anxious about it and that's not fun any way you slice it.

And honestly? I'm gonna quote Frank Zappa here and say "leave your pickle alone for a couple of days." I've heard of people getting into a weird-porn feedback loop where the only way out is to, y'know, ease up on it. Don't self-radicalize. Take a little break.

# ? Nov 3, 2017 15:50

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# ? May 10, 2024 04:52

RCarr: Dec 24, 2007

"we had to get separate places to live as we only had 1 bedroom and that's been hard."

Why would having 1 bedroom mean you can't live with your fiance? :crossarms:

RCarr fucked around with this message at 16:04 on Nov 3, 2017

# ? Nov 3, 2017 16:02

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

blarzgh posted:

As a being of pure spiritual energy, my aether wants to watch you rail my wife.

I thought you'd never ask.

Ohmmmmm.....

# ? Nov 3, 2017 16:37

text me a vag pic: May 18, 2007

RCarr posted:

"we had to get separate places to live as we only had 1 bedroom and that's been hard."

Why would having 1 bedroom mean you can't live with your fiance?

The poster might not be able to sleep in the same room as someone right now and perhaps there wasn't enough room for them to sleep elsewhere? Or maybe they have night terrors all night and the guilt of keeping their significant other up is just another poo poo on top of the pile?

# ? Nov 3, 2017 17:35

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

text me a vag pic posted:

The poster might not be able to sleep in the same room as someone right now and perhaps there wasn't enough room for them to sleep elsewhere? Or maybe they have night terrors all night and the guilt of keeping their significant other up is just another poo poo on top of the pile?

with everything else is that fesh i was thinking the first one. dude can't stand to be touched right now, so isn't going to be able to sleep with someone else

sounds like he has an amazing fiancee

# ? Nov 3, 2017 18:12

OhAreThey: Oct 12, 2012; I like your nurse's uniform, guy.

blarzgh posted:

I'm no scientist, but if your mental associations of sex have overridden your biological imperative to the degree that your one true desire is to watch someone else pass on their genetic material in lieu of your own, then maaaayyybbeee there's some issues there you can work on?

Sometimes the cuckold gets to gently caress the wife after she fucks the other guy, though...and something something about sperm competing with other sperm: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_competition

So maybe cuckolds are MORE intro procreating than the rest of us.

Sex is weird.

# ? Nov 3, 2017 20:16

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

the cop didnt get in trouble for going to the sites, he got in trouble for planning to act on it and using police database to plan how t okidnap a girl and poo poo

# ? Nov 3, 2017 20:50

half coke half diet: Feb 3, 2006; I fight for all those men who have their nuts in a vice grip

So Part2goon, its interesting reading the first part where you best friend in the world talks the hospital into saving you from being committed and now he raped you and your life is spiraling down. I don't know whats going on here but its hosed up if it is true, but I can't help but think the Mastermind may be at work here.

# ? Nov 3, 2017 21:41

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

The revelation in part 3 is that it was going to be a themed wedding.

And that theme was Fahrenheit

# ? Nov 3, 2017 21:54

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

A Fahrenheit 451 themed wedding where they burn the cake and all the decorations and have metal dogs attacking dancers would be awesome!

edit:
Add a cash bar and only vegan dinner options to complete the evening!

# ? Nov 3, 2017 22:19

marathon Stairmaster sesh: Apr 28, 2009; ALL HAIL CEO NUGGET
1988-PRESENT

Solice Kirsk posted:

A Fahrenheit 451 themed wedding where they burn the cake and all the decorations and have metal dogs attacking dancers would be awesome!

edit:
Add a cash bar and only vegan dinner options to complete the evening!

Is this part of the Fireman option or can I go with a "melt ice sculptures with a loving flamrthrower" option in Vegas?

# ? Nov 3, 2017 22:38

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Solice Kirsk posted:

A Celsius 232 themed wedding where they burn the cake and all the decorations and have metal dogs attacking dancers would be awesome!

edit:
Add a cash bar and only vegan dinner options to complete the evening!

Fixed

# ? Nov 4, 2017 02:10

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I don't understand. Is that cold or...?

# ? Nov 4, 2017 02:11

DogsInSpace!: Sep 11, 2001; Fun Shoe

Solice Kirsk posted:

I don't understand. Is that cold or...?

It�s comparable to twenty tenpenny farthings as the raven cries or 40 weather freedoms. Very very cold. Good news is that you can go 80 Nike steps to your local WalMart and buy a coat. The X-Mas sales are probably good if you don�t mind camping overnight. Do it for freedom.

You heathen.

# ? Nov 4, 2017 18:56

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Von_Doom posted:

It’s comparable to twenty tenpenny farthings as the raven cries or 40 weather freedoms. Very very cold. Good news is that you can go 80 Nike steps to your local WalMart and buy a coat. The X-Mas sales are probably good if you don’t mind camping overnight. Do it for freedom.

You heathen.

How does that translate into God's chosen measurement system, inches and feet?

# ? Nov 4, 2017 20:29

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

The guy who likes watching murder stuff sent a followup

quote:

So I saw when you posted my 'fesh you said I don't murder people "because of the smell".

What I meant by that is it's very different looking at a violent image in text or on a screen than in real life. It's easy to emotionally distance yourself lookingat something on a computer, but when presented with a living breathing person you have a very different, more empathetic reaction.

It's easy to picture choking someone or stabbing them or whatever, but when you're actually thrown into a self defense situation and you hit them once and they're bleeding and crying and poo poo, the urge to "FINISH THEM" isn't present the way it might be when you're thinking what you'd do if presented with a situation on /r/publicfreakouts

ok yeah that makes more sense, the phrasing was a little iffy in the first one

And yeah there's a reason people in movies always stare at their hands for a while after they first kill someone

quote:

I intentionally gave myself a tape worm in order to lose weight.

I�m down to 176 lbs vs my original weight of 220, so mission accomplished. I want to lose about 20 more lbs before I really consider it a total success.

I know there are horror stories of getting weak/dying but I�ve been okay so far. I�ve taken a few sick days but it was kind of fun just laying in bed all day knowing I was shedding weight.

When I�m done I�ll just squat over a bowl of milk and he�ll come squirming out. No fuss, no muss.

uh
hm

Honestly I could see this becoming a fad diet in the cyberpunk dystopian future

# ? Nov 4, 2017 21:06

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

I�d like this confessor to explain how he got the tapeworm in the first place. As far as I know you can�t get those in pet stores and just shove them up your rear end, unlike other small pets. People get involuntarily infected with them from eating raw, contaminated meat with tapeworm eggs in them, but my understanding was that such contamination is rare, and you can�t cook the meat without killing the eggs.

# ? Nov 4, 2017 21:19

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Maybe they just found a person with a tapeworm and smooshed their buttholes together. Simple.

# ? Nov 4, 2017 21:23

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

We're already in the beginning of cyberpunk dystopia. Lap band surgery, prosthetic limbs, 5hr energy is the cheap stim sold at every vendor

# ? Nov 4, 2017 21:34

Leviathan Song: Sep 8, 2010

loquacius posted:

The guy who likes watching murder stuff sent a followup

ok yeah that makes more sense, the phrasing was a little iffy in the first one

And yeah there's a reason people in movies always stare at their hands for a while after they first kill someone

uh
hm

Honestly I could see this becoming a fad diet in the cyberpunk dystopian future

It already was a fad diet multiple times. They used to sell "sanitised tape worm" pills. No one is sure if they were actual tapeworms or just snake oil but people have definitely tried this in the past.

# ? Nov 4, 2017 21:38

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

got any sevens posted:

We're already in the beginning of cyberpunk dystopia. Lap band surgery, prosthetic limbs, 5hr energy is the cheap stim sold at every vendor

Even in the worst of dystopian cyberpunk hellscapes the cheap stim doesn't taste like chewed up smarties mixed with fruit punch flavored medicine. We got the short end of the stick in this reality.

# ? Nov 4, 2017 21:39

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Tapeworms do more than just make you lose weight. The fesher is just some fat dude fantasizing about some easy solution and he wants us to tell him how it is a great idea and would totally work, but it won't unless he starts dying. Getting cancer or untreated diabetes or any number of things will also make you lose weight really fast but I don't think you want those. There's a reason things make you lose weight fast and it's never good.

# ? Nov 4, 2017 21:58

marathon Stairmaster sesh: Apr 28, 2009; ALL HAIL CEO NUGGET
1988-PRESENT

Did you name the tapeworn Jerry?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqzV_QJ3m48

# ? Nov 4, 2017 22:09

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Tapeworms do more than just make you lose weight. The fesher is just some fat dude fantasizing about some easy solution and he wants us to tell him how it is a great idea and would totally work, but it won't unless he starts dying. Getting cancer or untreated diabetes or any number of things will also make you lose weight really fast but I don't think you want those. There's a reason things make you lose weight fast and it's never good.

Yeah I Eat rear end makes a good point here. Just get cancer, tapeworm fesher.

# ? Nov 4, 2017 22:11

facebook jihad: Dec 18, 2007; by R. Guyovich

Solice Kirsk posted:

Yeah I Eat rear end makes a good point here. Just get cancer, tapeworm fesher.

That or start abusing adderall. Fesher will get a lot of stuff done and never have the urge to eat anything again.

# ? Nov 4, 2017 22:17

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Solice Kirsk posted:

Yeah I Eat rear end makes a good point here. Just get cancer, tapeworm fesher.

It's honestly probably the quickest way especially once you go on chemo. Only recommended for extreme dieters though.

# ? Nov 4, 2017 22:20

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

HerStuddMuffin posted:

I�d like this confessor to explain how he got the tapeworm in the first place. As far as I know you can�t get those in pet stores and just shove them up your rear end, unlike other small pets. People get involuntarily infected with them from eating raw, contaminated meat with tapeworm eggs in them, but my understanding was that such contamination is rare, and you can�t cook the meat without killing the eggs.

same place you get hiv and car parts: craigslist

# ? Nov 4, 2017 22:21

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Poz my worm hole

# ? Nov 4, 2017 22:22

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

DO NOT GET TAPEWORMS TO LOSE WEIGHT YOU WILL DIE

# ? Nov 4, 2017 23:22

Leave: Feb 7, 2012; Taking the term "Koopaling" to a whole new level since 2016.

Danaru posted:

DO NOT GET TAPEWORMS TO LOSE WEIGHT YOU WILL DIE

Like, is that a hard will, or it's just really likely? Because when winter is over, I'm really wanting to debut my new beach bod.

# ? Nov 5, 2017 01:28

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I think you can go to a doctor and take some pills to get rid of a tapeworm right? It's not like trichinosis or anything right? Been a long time since I studied parasitic worms in high school.

# ? Nov 5, 2017 01:55

DogsInSpace!: Sep 11, 2001; Fun Shoe

limp_cheese posted:

How does that translate into God's chosen measurement system, inches and feet?

Carefully.
I put Imperial measurements in the same category as daylight savings time: western rubbish that I will try and ignore. I still wait for the new murrican system to be made as I�m fairly sure it will be hilariously named. I kinda wish you guys had kept the freedom fries thing going.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Maybe they just found a person with a tapeworm and smooshed their buttholes together. Simple.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W0m67tvx_C4
Someone had to do this.

# ? Nov 5, 2017 02:01

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

Von_Doom posted:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W0m67tvx_C4
Someone had to do this.

pffft

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQoJo81lujk

# ? Nov 5, 2017 02:47

A Strange Aeon: Mar 26, 2010; You are now a slimy little toad; The Great Twist

syscall girl posted:

pffft

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQoJo81lujk

That movie is so good--at least, it was when I saw it a while ago. I wonder if it holds up?

# ? Nov 5, 2017 02:50

Altared State: Jan 14, 2006; I think I was born to burn

Danaru posted:

DO NOT GET TAPEWORMS TO LOSE WEIGHT YOU WILL DIE

Are you a doctor?

# ? Nov 5, 2017 03:01

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I like to think of it more as a symbiote.

# ? Nov 5, 2017 03:09

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

I�m going to come forward and admit to being puppetmaster goon.

# ? Nov 5, 2017 03:17