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i mean, it's selfish and all, but it's not "wrong" or whatever. people disagree about money and split up all the time. he just needs to find a sugar mama type girl who doesn't mind spending on him, and lord knows there are lots of those out there.
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Nov 16, 2017 03:45
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It's wrong when it gets to the "you should pay me back" part and that the reason for combining incomes was the other person's increase in pay. Maybe more towards selfish than wrong. It's pretty common to keep things 50/50 when dating and switching to combined incomes when getting married, but this gives off a George Costanza vibe.
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Nov 16, 2017 03:52
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Every adult married couple I've known who keeps separate accounts is weird. Not bad necessarily, but weird. None of them have kids either. Once you start having kids, separate finances go out the window.
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Nov 16, 2017 03:56
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Devian666 posted:A chemical that's actually more dangerous and less useful than hydrazine. The BWM chemical. We used it to clean the reaction chambers for semiconductor processes, they end up coated in glass because glass is mostly silicon and semiconductors are also mostly silicon. so if you need to burn off a layer of glass that has built up on the inside of a vacuum chamber, it is useful for that.
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Nov 16, 2017 04:11
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Krispy Wafer posted:Every adult married couple I've known who keeps separate accounts is weird. Not bad necessarily, but weird. None of them have kids either. Once you start having kids, separate finances go out the window. The trick is keeping smaller individual accounts open as well as joint accounts.
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Nov 16, 2017 06:17
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Krispy Wafer posted:Every adult married couple I've known who keeps separate accounts is weird. Not bad necessarily, but weird. None of them have kids either. Once you start having kids, separate finances go out the window.  It just feels redundant in a lot of situations where drawing from a common pool of funds makes more sense, and as your finances get progressively more comingled it becomes more complicated.
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Nov 16, 2017 06:37
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Krispy Wafer posted:Every adult married couple I've known who keeps separate accounts is weird. Not bad necessarily, but weird. None of them have kids either. Once you start having kids, separate finances go out the window. It gets more complicated when you're dealing with multigenerational trusts or other complicated tax scenarios. Like yeah, I agree with you in general but for some people it makes sense to keep finances at least somewhat separate
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Nov 16, 2017 07:48
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This is the dumbest reoccurring derail. Different arrangements are appropriate for different people with different needs and preferences. There is no one best way to conduct any aspect of any relationship, the only generalized advice is that all decisions must be communicated in advance and agreed upon otherwise emotional strife is a guaranteed outcome causing some aspect of relationship failure.
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Nov 16, 2017 08:07
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cowofwar posted:This is the dumbest reoccurring derail. Different arrangements are appropriate for different people with different needs and preferences. There is no one best way to conduct any aspect of any relationship, the only generalized advice is that all decisions must be communicated in advance and agreed upon otherwise emotional strife is a guaranteed outcome causing some aspect of relationship failure.  Last bit is important, if it works for you it works for you. Communicate it though so you don't end up having to  cause of your unspoken rules of law.
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Nov 16, 2017 08:43
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Eldred posted:It gets more complicated when you're dealing with multigenerational trusts or other complicated tax scenarios. Like yeah, I agree with you in general but for some people it makes sense to keep finances at least somewhat separate I wanna get in on a multigenerational trust. Sounds fuckin' sweet.
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Nov 16, 2017 08:59
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Eldred posted:It gets more complicated when you're dealing with multigenerational trusts or other complicated tax scenarios. The solution for this scenario is the guillotine edit: everyone's situation is different, but what a lot of people who keep "separate finances" don't consider is that if a divorce happen, it's not like you can say "I have mine and you have yours." If that's what's agreed upon mutually, great, but otherwise everything will be dragged through discovery by courts as one big pot, even if in the end it is divided "equitably" in an equitable distribution state (judges have a lot of leeway with deciding what equitable distribution is). Keeping combined finances ensures you don't get to the point of a divorce and then find out you're going to get reamed hard because you didn't know what was actually going on. Nail Rat fucked around with this message at 16:08 on Nov 16, 2017 |
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Nov 16, 2017 13:50
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My husband and I had totally separate financial lives for a long time because there was no pressing reason to combine anything. When we met, our incomes were close and we already had established financial lives/systems in place, so when I moved in with him I just gave him some money for my half of the expenses and we got on with it. We didn't set up a joint account until we were ready to buy a place together. I think that if you communicate about finances regularly and at least glance at what your spouse has going on once in a while, you're probably fine regardless of the setup. Where I seem to see the most horrible poo poo go down is when one spouse gives up or forces all control of the finances on the other spouse, and the one who handles the money handles it very badly, either because of being a shithead, having poor boundaries, or just plain being BWM.
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Nov 16, 2017 16:44
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Yeah I gotta agree that the people clamoring for combined finances are definitely asserting their own circumstances as necessarily normal and virtuous and plenty of people have distinct finances and make it work. You do you and only worry about other peoples' outcomes, not processes.
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Nov 16, 2017 17:59
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Eldred posted:It gets more complicated when you're dealing with multigenerational trusts or other complicated tax scenarios. Like yeah, I agree with you in general but for some people it makes sense to keep finances at least somewhat separate everyone ive known with a trust was weird as gently caress so it's not evidence against the thesis
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Nov 16, 2017 18:01
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Not to mention this is a thread where we regularly showcase how a rogue spouse with unfettered access to all accounts can gently caress your finances in a very short time so these best practices sermons are extra bizarre Joint finances didn't exactly pan out for those folks, did it?
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Nov 16, 2017 18:04
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cowofwar posted:This is the dumbest reoccurring derail. Different arrangements are appropriate for different people with different needs and preferences. There is no one best way to conduct any aspect of any relationship, the only generalized advice is that all decisions must be communicated in advance and agreed upon otherwise emotional strife is a guaranteed outcome causing some aspect of relationship failure. Found the married dude with separate finances.
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Nov 16, 2017 18:17
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KingSlime posted:Not to mention this is a thread where we regularly showcase how a rogue spouse with unfettered access to all accounts can gently caress your finances in a very short time so these best practices sermons are extra bizarre Some of us solve this problem by marrying responsible adults, as opposed to forever hiding all of my money and credit cards from my spouse. Sorry honey, let me log out of all my financial institutions and close my encrypted volume before I let you look something up on the computer, just a sec.
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Nov 16, 2017 18:18
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Keeping accounts apart is different from keeping information apart. You can decide that you and your spouse are going to keep your own personal accounts or whatever, however you want to break that down. However, even if you are doing that, you should be sharing information with your spouse about your finances at least to some depth because without joint accounts you need to know what each other are doing to plan properly. If your spouse says "I would like to have my own checking account" that is fine and something reasonable people can agree on. If your spouse says "I do not want to reveal my income to you, or tell you what accounts or savings I have, or how I am using my money" that is weird and not a good situation for a relationship. Similarly, having joint accounts where only one person actually has information on the financial situation is also bad, because it means that one person is not actually aware of their finances. You don't have to both do all the book keeping, but its important your family knows what the overall state of your finances are.
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Nov 16, 2017 18:27
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Ashcans posted:Similarly, having joint accounts where only one person actually has information on the financial situation is also bad, because it means that one person is not actually aware of their finances. You don't have to both do all the book keeping, but its important your family knows what the overall state of your finances are. My wife HATES the meetings I call on this topic, but thanks for the vote of support.
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Nov 16, 2017 18:28
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Anyways this derail is boring Remember my unemployed friend?? I was trying to help him get a handle on his credit score, we were walking through his credit checking site, which he was unable to log into because he forgot his security password. He then went on a fifteen minute rant about how they make it so hard, and it's their fault his credit has been poo poo for years. He blamed me on "defending the credit companies" when I tried to get him to own some of the responsibility. Also his wife just got them a 1k base rent apt on a 30k salary while he continues doing god knows what all day. I found out they spend $100 every two weeks on CBD pills because they both get anxious or whatever I think the anxiety they feel is what the rest of us call the fight for survival, the more I talk to them the more apparent it becomes that they're just lazy and think everything should be a cakewalk because whyyyy do they need a security deposit when my mommy is a cosigner and hey bro how can I outsource my job hunting process It's called recruiters, you gently caress, and you have yet to call any of the twenty agencies I referred you to I'm in Austin. Recruiters and easy to land contract work at all levels as far as the eye can see. Or he could be slinging pizza for well above the national average but he needs a Good Job Mister I Have Been Bested By A Login Screen really wants to hold out for that golden opportunity that will really tap into his potential! KingSlime fucked around with this message at 18:38 on Nov 16, 2017 |
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Nov 16, 2017 18:29
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It's getting rapidly to the point where a White, healthy man who can't find a job just isn't looking. And note I said White. And male.
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Nov 16, 2017 18:50
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Original post deleted but comments here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7dbn9y/inlaws_want_husband_and_i_30s_to_gift_a_property/ In-laws want husband and I [30s] to gift a property to SIL [28F] and her fiance. Husband agrees but I am torn. quote:I'll try to lay everything here as objectively as possible. I'd just like some feedback on this situation as it's been a private family affair so I haven't been able to talk about it to real life friends.
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Nov 16, 2017 19:01
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Well my friend is Hispanic but he's a male in Texas with a college degree in environmental science or some poo poo so yeah he's full of it It's infuriating that his wife, instead of pushing him to grow and improve, always had excuses and speaks for him. Reeks of insecurity, which is sad because she's pretty competent and has managed to keep the both of them alive for longer than I would have ever anticipated Still, she insists on speaking for him when I interrogate him and tries so bad to protect him from big bad kingslime when I ask pressing questions such as "how long has it been since your last job" and "why has it been over 12 months since your last job" and "stop spending money on hearthstone you god drat imbecile" It's her bed she's making, not mine ya know? More power to her if their lil feelings matter more than not allowing your husband to crumble into an impotent shell of a man. He also came by the other day to play Mario oddyssey on my switch while I worked on my freelance (after an 8 hour shift on my regular day job). I kinda love hate having him around, he does spice up my life quite a bit KingSlime fucked around with this message at 19:05 on Nov 16, 2017 |
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Nov 16, 2017 19:02
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Krispy Wafer posted:It's getting rapidly to the point where a White, healthy man who can't find a job just isn't looking. Well, you see, the problem is these women are coming from Mexico, getting food stamps and gender swap surgeries on welfare, and stealing all the men's jawbs. /Breitbart
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Nov 16, 2017 19:04
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Uterine Lineup posted:Original post deleted but comments here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7dbn9y/inlaws_want_husband_and_i_30s_to_gift_a_property/ I love how the situation was like this, hey honey let's use your premarital assets to buy an investment property and now that it has panned out to be a great investment, let's gift our equity in the property to my sister. loving lol absolutely no way.
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Nov 16, 2017 19:08
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Krispy Wafer posted:It's getting rapidly to the point where a White, healthy man who can't find a job just isn't looking. We are WAY, WAY beyond that point KK (when'd you change your name?)
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Nov 16, 2017 19:15
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KingSlime posted:Anyways this derail is boring What frustrates me about people like this is that it makes it really difficult for people to differentiate between those who are genuinely in a lovely situation and those that have made their own fecal lasagna bed financially. My friend had a sister similar to this, where he wasted a lot of time and energy trying to help her because he didn't want her and her son to have to live out of their car. She lived with them for a year and was supposed to find a job and contribute around the house (be it groceries, time, whatever she could muster in the moment). Instead she just played WoW all day and dumped off child rearing duties to her sister in law. Coincidentally friends wife has a trust and I see what people mean about trust fund babies. The fact that they seem to be surrounded by friends and family similar to the sister in the story have also helped to turn my friend and his wife into turbo libertarians, since they assume anyone not living comfortably like they are is just too lazy to get their poo poo together.
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Nov 16, 2017 19:25
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Yup it's made me develop a fiery disdain for people who seem to perpetually be in trouble, year after year after year Which I acknowledge isn't a great route to take because not everyone is a helpless shmuck but rather legitimate victims of lovely circumstances, and the growing income inequality gap is shocking enough when you don't even account for hidden assets At the end of the day though an organism's ability to adapt is still an important part of staying the gently caress alive and people who refuse to budge shouldn't be surprised by the end result Also these two friends are staunchly left wing, which as you pointed out only adds fuel to those who think all poor people are idiots and society is pretty much alright overall KingSlime fucked around with this message at 19:34 on Nov 16, 2017 |
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Nov 16, 2017 19:30
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e:nm
OctaviusBeaver fucked around with this message at 19:45 on Nov 16, 2017 |
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Nov 16, 2017 19:38
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KingSlime posted:Yup it's made me develop a fiery disdain for people who seem to perpetually be in trouble, year after year after year I also admit I get skeptical with people that seem to perpetually be in a state of crisis. I get that some are just really unlucky but a lot of times it seems awfully coincidental how much some peers are just a magnet for misfortune and similarly unable or unwilling to do any damage control.
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Nov 16, 2017 19:51
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Krispy Wafer posted:It's getting rapidly to the point where a White, healthy man who can't find a job just isn't looking. I mean you say that, but my fiance was unemployed for close to two years in the middle of a huge city. It got to the point where he was applying to fast food joints just to get any sort of job. I know he was seriously looking to, because he thought about leaving me, and moving in with his abusive mother because the unemployment was making him feel that guilty and depressed. poo poo was insane, but I was glad I could support us both. Luckily he finally got a job about two months back and it's doing miles better.
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Nov 16, 2017 19:53
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I was going to adress your statement but you edited it out. I've heard that girls tend to be held to a higher standard than boys growing up in a lot of cultures. They are expected to help contribute with childcare and often elder care. This might translate toward a person that is more proactive toward their education and career. I know for many immigrant families it tends to be women that are the first in their family to get an education (my wife is an example of this, being the first not just to go to school but the only one with a masters degree)
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Nov 16, 2017 19:57
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Uterine Lineup posted:Original post deleted but comments here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7dbn9y/inlaws_want_husband_and_i_30s_to_gift_a_property/ This is infuriating to me. The OP has their own kids too! What kind of moron in-laws would say that OP should divert savings/investments from their own children to gift those investments to a sister instead? Using the numbers they provided, they put down 60% of the down payment and in-laws did 40%. Then OP paid the entire mortgage/insurance/interest/maintenance for the next 10 years (on a 15 year mortgage). Making the math easy, I'll say the original purchase price was $100k. In-laws put down 40% of the 20% down payment, or $8k. OP put down $12k, and then paid $80k in principal and about $20k in interest (assuming 15 year loan at 3%, which seems reasonable for the time period they're talking about, but they're also paying it off 5 years early so it's less than $20k in interest). They also paid property taxes, insurance, and maintenance on the property. No idea as to what that is, but let's lowball that at $1k/yr (or 1% of original property value) They say the property value has doubled in ten years. In-laws are $8k deep in this investment. OP is $12k+$80k+$20k+$10k= $122k deep on this investment. Total cash flows from both parties are $130k on a property worth $200k. In-laws provided 6% of the cash flow, and now want to ask OP to gift the other 94% of it to a sibling. OP should buy out the in-laws share for $12.5k, and then give the sister a regular sized wedding present (whatever that means in their family) instead of gifting her $187k  This is all assuming a scale of a property at $100k original price. If it was more than that, these numbers get even more silly. edit: Oof and it pains me to think that they could have just dumped that all in an index fund from day 1 and they'd be many dozens of thousands of dollars ahead canyoneer fucked around with this message at 20:01 on Nov 16, 2017 |
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Nov 16, 2017 19:57
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BEHOLD: MY CAPE posted:I love how the situation was like this, hey honey let's use your premarital assets to buy an investment property and now that it has panned out to be a great investment, let's gift our equity in the property to my sister. loving lol absolutely no way. On the one hand, sure. On the other hand, they’re going to have to deal with a forced sale and massively strained relationship if they just say no. There’s going to have to be a compromise there. As with the last in law family investment that came up, sure it costs money, but is it less than the cost of a divorce?
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Nov 16, 2017 20:01
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Uterine Lineup posted:Original post deleted but comments here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7dbn9y/inlaws_want_husband_and_i_30s_to_gift_a_property/ How does this warrant more than a "lol no"? Yeah, it's family and they should probably caress the tone of the message some but there is no way a reasonable person should seriously consider this.
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Nov 16, 2017 20:08
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I wouldn't even be able to say "no" politely in her situation. Mighty big of the parents to ask her and the husband to finance the lion's share of this "combined" wedding gift.
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Nov 16, 2017 20:11
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The whole situation was hosed from the start, but gently caress her in-laws for asking for that.
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Nov 16, 2017 20:51
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Jordan7hm posted:On the one hand, sure. On the other hand, they’re going to have to deal with a forced sale and massively strained relationship if they just say no. There’s going to have to be a compromise there. If gifting a house I paid for with premarital and marital assets to a sibling in law was going to cost me like $100,000, I would probably be willing to stand my ground at the brink and go through a partition sale over it but that's just me. Of course I would never have gotten into this harebrained investment deal where they are presumably equally titled 50% owners with the in laws free rolling on my mortgage payments for 10 years, so there's that I guess.
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Nov 16, 2017 20:55
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Nail Rat posted:I wouldn't even be able to say "no" politely in her situation. They should actually flip this conversation around and ask the in laws to take out a big second mortgage or HELOC to finance the gift and see how that sounds to them.
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Nov 16, 2017 20:56
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Panfilo posted:I was going to adress your statement but you edited it out. There were generally more girls in college than guys, from the time I spent there The dudes I grew up with had the same opportunities too, they were just emotional dumbshits who struggle with long term planning and didn't give a gently caress (lol at the idea that men are largely more logical than women, were all idiots yo). They either dropped out because college is too hard for their gorilla brains or decided to work poo poo jobs. These are the kinds of men who think not putting effort into school is a badge of honor. How common is that sentiment in men vs women I wonder? So yep that statistic doesn't surprise me at all. Salty mediocre men are gonna be salty that it sucks to suck but there's lots of guys at the top? Just not them I'm a dude and I'm doing a-ok  Also it goes without saying not everyone who didn't go to college is an idiot, I know more than a few guys who have no formal education but are crushing it because they are good at strategizing for the long term and working hard. Formal education is absolutely correlated to higher lifetime earnings though KingSlime fucked around with this message at 21:12 on Nov 16, 2017 |
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Nov 16, 2017 21:05
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