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Eiba
Jul 26, 2007


First generation I told all my sons to be ambitious and gave them all duchies. They hated me, but had pretty good stats so whatever.

Then I died and left everything to my genius youngest son (Buddhism owns for letting you choose your successor under primogeniture). Turns out all my brothers hated me because they had a massive "opinion of previous ruler" malus since they all hated their father. Oh well. I decided to kill them all until I inherited everything again and could give it to my sons.

That's the background for my most ridiculous assassination attempt I've ever had in this game. One of my brothers had a wife who had fantastic intrigue who was totally into killing her husband. This gave me something like 300% plot power. She attempted to poison his wine. It didn't work. She tried again. Literally every two months for three years. It was always the wine. He never drank it. The event just kept popping up over and over again.

I ended up with a -500% relation with him for the relatively few attempts that were discovered, so I couldn't give up. He needed to actually die.

He did die eventually, but the unbroken string of, "I will poison his wine!" "I hosed up..." over and over again for all those years was pretty ridiculous.

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Autism Sneaks
Nov 21, 2016
Yeah, I'll get stuck in loops where I send forth my devil-worshipping brethren to bring me a virgin or child (often the same because gently caress trying to find an adult virgin, and it's cheaper than debuting a debutante), like this latest mission that I picked a slow one-year-old with a lisp for. My minions spent three years trying and failing every month or other to apprehend the blighter to the tune of Yakety Sax (in my head)

cock hero flux
Apr 17, 2011



Mantis42 posted:

Someone congratulate Paradox on breaking the Chinese monopoly on salt production.

Oh no it's great, the trick is to start collecting all the chinese stuff you can find. Check this poo poo out:

Giant Tourtiere
Aug 4, 2006

TRICHER
POUR
GAGNER
So new game. My aging character was using the 'Become King' ambition and I was sort of waiting on money to accumulate when he gets abdominal pains. Court Physician (a Renowned one, no less) says 'oh poo poo Slow Fever' and does an ineffective treatment. So since the guy is 47 I figure I'd better hurry up and crown him before he dies and I lose the reduced cost. Done. Now, vomiting. 'Oh poo poo Cancer', Court Physician says. Does an experimental treatment involving a dead guy's hand.

'You have Flu'.

You know, I'm starting to think this guy might not have any idea what he's doing at all!

cock hero flux
Apr 17, 2011



evenworse username posted:

So new game. My aging character was using the 'Become King' ambition and I was sort of waiting on money to accumulate when he gets abdominal pains. Court Physician (a Renowned one, no less) says 'oh poo poo Slow Fever' and does an ineffective treatment. So since the guy is 47 I figure I'd better hurry up and crown him before he dies and I lose the reduced cost. Done. Now, vomiting. 'Oh poo poo Cancer', Court Physician says. Does an experimental treatment involving a dead guy's hand.

'You have Flu'.

You know, I'm starting to think this guy might not have any idea what he's doing at all!

You can have a renowned 35 skill physician look at someone who is vomiting next to a tub of rancid shrimp and at least half the time they'll go "Definitely cancer. Bring me my castration knife."

Communist Zombie
Nov 1, 2011

cock hero flux posted:

oh hey to whoever was asking about earth shattering bugs: you're not allowed to pick a claimant who has land when you invade China, but they're not taken out of lines of succession so they can inherit during the war. The Emperor of China also does not actually get an Emperor title so he has now ended up as my vassal. But I still can't do any actions or diplomacy with him. I have no idea what's going to happen when he dies and I inherit his poo poo. Am I going to be the Emperor? Only time will tell.

Also asking him for an Imperial Marriage causes him to spontaneously generate daughters via mitosis I guess since he definitely didn't have any 2 months ago.

You should send an official bug report (especially if you have a before save to include too) on this if you havent already since i would think this scenario shouldve been part of bug testing.

Also whens the best time to raid china, or what effects what you get? Ive been raiding them while theyre open and normal and only got some modest amounts of gold and prestige, and one chinese noblewoman, despite doing it for several years. I wouldve figured itd be better than raiding on map atleast.

Leafy Wall
Oct 12, 2011

Deceitful Penguin posted:

In contrast, being a vassal of the Western protectorate in Charlie is a loving pain. No good CBs, your neighbours are shitheads that constantly raid you and burn you down, even after becoming tributaries and all your neighbours are way too big to take on.

This is my favorite start and barring some luck from Mongol Invasion/Civil War in China where you can take the Western Protectorate's capital with basically no response from China, always be looking south at Tibet. They start waaaaaay over their vassal limit and with a lot of pagan/nonpagan crossover that WILL result in massive revolts where you can snipe up some provinces. Because you're on the silk road, your first priority should be getting a Trade Post county for a capital. There's one in the Western Protectorate held by a vassal you can take pretty easily with some mercs after borrowing some money. After that, drown Tibet in mercs and you'll get powerful super quick.

PizzaProwler
Nov 4, 2009

Or you can see me at The Riviera. Tuesday nights.
Pillowfights with Dominican mothers.

Eiba posted:

Then I died and left everything to my genius youngest son (Buddhism owns for letting you choose your successor under primogeniture). Turns out all my brothers hated me because they had a massive "opinion of previous ruler" malus since they all hated their father. Oh well. I decided to kill them all until I inherited everything again and could give it to my sons.

Siddharta Gautama would be proud.

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011

Leafy Wall posted:

This is my favorite start and barring some luck from Mongol Invasion/Civil War in China where you can take the Western Protectorate's capital with basically no response from China, always be looking south at Tibet. They start waaaaaay over their vassal limit and with a lot of pagan/nonpagan crossover that WILL result in massive revolts where you can snipe up some provinces. Because you're on the silk road, your first priority should be getting a Trade Post county for a capital. There's one in the Western Protectorate held by a vassal you can take pretty easily with some mercs after borrowing some money. After that, drown Tibet in mercs and you'll get powerful super quick.
It just feels so, wrong, to war against my liege for his capital. I know I technically have more troops than him but still.

I guess I'll try being more ruthless!


edit: you dang ole liar the western protectorate gets their 6K when you try and take the capital

Deceitful Penguin fucked around with this message at 17:33 on Nov 21, 2017

Leafy Wall
Oct 12, 2011

Deceitful Penguin posted:

edit: you dang ole liar the western protectorate gets their 6K when you try and take the capital

Only attack your leige directly when China is really, really screwed or they'll get flooded by Chinese. Just attack your fellow vassals.

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011

Leafy Wall posted:

Only attack your leige directly when China is really, really screwed or they'll get flooded by Chinese. Just attack your fellow vassals.
The post suggested that would be fine, but yeah, it's fine.

Now I can gripe more about the ole "Claim wars ending because the character died and the kids don't inherit strong claims for some dumb reason" instead, because goddammit.

Leafy Wall
Oct 12, 2011
If it makes you feel better, I attacked the Western Protectorate my first try when I thought I was strong enough. China sent 20,000 troops by boat to India when they started losing.

Mygna
Sep 12, 2011
Turns out 'A Servant No More' doesn't care if the Empire title is temporary, so you only need to launch a faction revolt comprising at least a hundred holdings to instantly get it. Discovering that was somewhat of an anti-climax after I spent like thirty years amassing power, forging a claim on the Abbasid Caliph and waiting for the perfect moment to strike :doh:

Aleth
Aug 2, 2008

Pillbug

Deceitful Penguin posted:

It just feels so, wrong, to war against my liege for his capital. I know I technically have more troops than him but still.

I guess I'll try being more ruthless!


edit: you dang ole liar the western protectorate gets their 6K when you try and take the capital

If you don't stab everyone else in the back first they'll do it to you.

Roland Jones
Aug 18, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo
Under what situations can you attack your liege besides trying to become independent? If you have a claim on one of their provinces, can you take it, for example? I can't recall, and I've been trying to play as Hashem al-Muqanna under the Bajanids because I've been wanting to do a Mazdaki game again and I felt like not trying Anushirvan this time (though with all the new CBs he might be easier now).

However, after taking the person immediately to my west, I have no more fellow Bajanid vassals immediately bordering me, with my liege cutting off west movement and a mountain range preventing me from going north. East, meanwhile, is Tibet, so like hell I can fight them (and despite what people say they aren't over their vassal limit whenever I play, so unless I want to declare independence (a bad idea) my only options are trying to go south or somehow ganking Samarkand from my liege. Which I'd love to do, but, not sure if it's possible.

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011

Roland Jones posted:

Under what situations can you attack your liege besides trying to become independent? If you have a claim on one of their provinces, can you take it, for example? I can't recall, and I've been trying to play as Hashem al-Muqanna under the Bajanids because I've been wanting to do a Mazdaki game again and I felt like not trying Anushirvan this time (though with all the new CBs he might be easier now).

However, after taking the person immediately to my west, I have no more fellow Bajanid vassals immediately bordering me, with my liege cutting off west movement and a mountain range preventing me from going north. East, meanwhile, is Tibet, so like hell I can fight them (and despite what people say they aren't over their vassal limit whenever I play, so unless I want to declare independence (a bad idea) my only options are trying to go south or somehow ganking Samarkand from my liege. Which I'd love to do, but, not sure if it's possible.
Yeah, a simple claim is sufficient and some of the new CBs also work.

Note, your liege is still your liege after this so uhhhh, gl my mang


Other situations mostly include faction wars, like toppling them, installing claimants and increasing council powers among others


edit:

OH MY GOD HORSE ARMOUR DLC

Deceitful Penguin fucked around with this message at 21:42 on Nov 21, 2017

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011

If you think you can take your liege on your own, you can just go right up to his face and right click declare war.

If you want to pull other vassals into your war, you have to go through the whole rigamarole of making a faction, which I think your only options are independence, increasing council powers, changing inheritance law, or overthrowing your liege.

Leafy Wall
Oct 12, 2011
I made a huge mistake converting to Hindu. Caste system is such a pain in the rear end when all of a sudden only 1/3 of your characters can be granted land. To top it off, it looks like they can only holy war for duchies. :sigh:

Roland Jones
Aug 18, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo

Deceitful Penguin posted:

Yeah, a simple claim is sufficient and some of the new CBs also work.

Note, your liege is still your liege after this so uhhhh, gl my mang


Other situations mostly include faction wars, like toppling them, installing claimants and increasing council powers among others

The Bajanids are really weak, so after taking a province or two (and/or hiring mercs) taking a province off of them should be easy. All I needed to know was if I could take land from him without going independent, since I want to expand underneath him and all.

Though now that I think about it, him being a duke and me not being able to get to the same level he is means that the number of provinces I can take while under him is effectively equal to my demense limit, since I can't have counts myself (unless he makes himself a king, which, I haven't seen him do yet). Hm. Hitting my demense limit then going independent (possibly through someone else's faction to get around the truce, assuming that works) might be the best option anyway. Or trying to assassinate him; all his vassals hate him because he's Sunni and like four of his vassals, including the most powerful ones, are Mazdan, so it shouldn't be hard. Particularly if one of them winds up as his spymaster.

Roland Jones fucked around with this message at 00:01 on Nov 22, 2017

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011
It never gets tired when the AI goes "Hey, this Western Protectorate sucker seems pretty weak, better try him on for size!" and then get steam-rolled.

Also getting favours on him is fantastic. Once I build up a bit more I'll be able to chain-buy them, then have him conquer things for me using his spawning event troops, some mercs and my honour guard.

And I haven't even gotten the whole of the Kingdom of Khotan yet, lol


Also weird thing; the Western Protectorate prefers building cities to Castles. If only he wasn't on top of that one trade post I wanted...

Thinking of just giving him the two vassals I have in his de jure duchy; though I'm tempted to get at least one county off of Xia before I do it so I could maybe war in that direction.

Roland Jones posted:

The Bajanids are really weak, so after taking a province or two (and/or hiring mercs) taking a province off of them should be easy. All I needed to know was if I could take land from him without going independent, since I want to expand underneath him and all.

Though now that I think about it, him being a duke and me not being able to get to the same level he is means that the number of provinces I can take while under him is effectively equal to my demense limit, since I can't have counts myself (unless he makes himself a king, which, I haven't seen him do yet). Hm. Hitting my demense limit then going independent (possibly through someone else's faction to get around the truce, assuming that works) might be the best option anyway. Or trying to assassinate him; all his vassals hate him because he's Sunni and like four of his vassals, including the most powerful ones, are Mazdan, so it shouldn't be hard. Particularly if one of them winds up as his spymaster.
Yeah, hollowing out your lieges realm, then splitting off is a classic scenario here. And yeah, being limited as a count can suck, though it can also be neat if you can subjugate (as that means you can steal all the counties from counts you want then get an easy independence by subjugating a duke or highter)

Chain assassinating a hated liege is fun stuff, as is chain lowering council power. You might be able do that yourself, then get it elective, then just vote yourself into the duchy. That's usually worth more in a larger realm though, and kinda leaves you with a huge mess to clean up.

ScottyJSno
Aug 16, 2010

日本が大好きです!
Whats that Son of Heaven? You will take a former count with 20 intrigue who hates me and has a plot to kill me at 100%+ and cut off his balls. Then you will give me a artifact for my trouble? I think we can make a deal.

The Anime Turnpike
Dec 30, 2010

I haven't played in about 2 years, who's a good character to relearn and learn all the new poo poo? I thought Irleand, but it might be cooler closer to China.

Giant Tourtiere
Aug 4, 2006

TRICHER
POUR
GAGNER
It's early days but Ireland also looks like it might be a little less quiet with the new CBs - in my new game it fairly quickly went from all the little kingdoms to two big ones splitting the island between them. I'm gonna need a whole new strategy for building with Wales now that I can't add to my strength by gobbling up all the Irish kingdoms.

The Cheshire Cat
Jun 10, 2008

Fun Shoe

The Anime Turnpike posted:

I haven't played in about 2 years, who's a good character to relearn and learn all the new poo poo? I thought Irleand, but it might be cooler closer to China.

Depends if you want to interact with China right away - if your game goes on long enough, eventually China will come to you (especially if they go expansionist). Although honestly if you know the game basics well enough, you'll probably be comfortable enough starting as a count or duke on the mainland - the game hasn't changed that much in the fundamentals, it's more just that a bunch of extra content has been added (the new CBs make things a bit more dynamic but they don't really allow you to do anything that was impossible before - they just make it a lot faster). If you play as the Byzantines I think they're close enough to China that they can interact with them right away, and if not, it only takes a little bit of eastward expansion to get yourself on to the silk road which will put you in contact with them.

Roland Jones
Aug 18, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo
Uh, is it normal for your only child to "vanish without a trace"? I thought that was what happened when characters were culled, but my only heir seems like they'd be too important for that. It's a white skull, so it doesn't look like some sort of murder plot or whatever.

I mean, either way, it gives me an excuse to quit a game that was already going poorly, but still. That's really not ideal.

binge crotching
Apr 2, 2010

Roland Jones posted:

Uh, is it normal for your only child to "vanish without a trace"? I thought that was what happened when characters were culled, but my only heir seems like they'd be too important for that. It's a white skull, so it doesn't look like some sort of murder plot or whatever.

I mean, either way, it gives me an excuse to quit a game that was already going poorly, but still. That's really not ideal.

I think vanish without a trace can also mean murdered by Satanists.

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011
There's a trade post in Trebizond so they start within diplorange

Also man, having like, no real CBs makes Taoists a huge pain in the butt, with no real advantage to it unless you're Han, and then you get the 2 monthly grace, but only so long as the Tang ain't taken over.

Also I think at one point I got 8 favour a month, that was pretty neat. I've reached the middle east, now it's only a matter of fabricating claims on whatever I can reach to finally get to Africa.

Also the Western Protectorate is like, the best liege ever. It's crazy.

cock hero flux
Apr 17, 2011



Deceitful Penguin posted:

There's a trade post in Trebizond so they start within diplorange

Also man, having like, no real CBs makes Taoists a huge pain in the butt, with no real advantage to it unless you're Han, and then you get the 2 monthly grace, but only so long as the Tang ain't taken over.

Also I think at one point I got 8 favour a month, that was pretty neat. I've reached the middle east, now it's only a matter of fabricating claims on whatever I can reach to finally get to Africa.

Also the Western Protectorate is like, the best liege ever. It's crazy.

Invading gives you a permanent +10 and you seem to be guaranteed to get the best kowtow afterwards too so I'm currently sitting on 25000ish grace entirely from passive generation and China has run out of artifacts to give me so I'm just constantly hiring Strategists and marrying off random dynasty members.

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011
I'm also missing a few level 4s and I can't remember how to get them. While on the Kowtow trip?

Also there really needs to be more plotting around artifacts and stuff. It's rather weird you can't plot to rob others.

And I don't see any Taoist religious artifacts, which is odd.

Roland Jones
Aug 18, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo

binge crotching posted:

I think vanish without a trace can also mean murdered by Satanists.

I was worried about that. My wife was in odd attire I didn't recognize, was caught trying to murder me, and was possessed. However, I arrested her before the death, so, not sure if she could have still murdered him from prison or not, or if someone else in my land possibly did it.

cock hero flux
Apr 17, 2011



Roland Jones posted:

I was worried about that. My wife was in odd attire I didn't recognize, was caught trying to murder me, and was possessed. However, I arrested her before the death, so, not sure if she could have still murdered him from prison or not, or if someone else in my land possibly did it.

Well as a Satanist you get the Brass Bull event pretty frequently and loving it up causes one of your kids to be murdered at random so it's possible that's what happened.

Ms Adequate
Oct 30, 2011

Baby even when I'm dead and gone
You will always be my only one, my only one
When the night is calling
No matter who I become
You will always be my only one, my only one, my only one
When the night is calling



My court physicians are insane why are they so obsessed with amputation as a cure for food poisoning? I mean for some things yeah I can see the logic but "Milord you've got food poisoning *gouges out an eye*" followed by a DIFFERENT court physician two years later going "Milord you've got food poisoning *chops off a hand*".

Things were better in my dad's day. His doctor gave him a fat blunt and it immediately, on the spot, cured his dysentery and made him a poet.

The Cheshire Cat
Jun 10, 2008

Fun Shoe

Mister Adequate posted:

My court physicians are insane why are they so obsessed with amputation as a cure for food poisoning? I mean for some things yeah I can see the logic but "Milord you've got food poisoning *gouges out an eye*" followed by a DIFFERENT court physician two years later going "Milord you've got food poisoning *chops off a hand*".

Things were better in my dad's day. His doctor gave him a fat blunt and it immediately, on the spot, cured his dysentery and made him a poet.

Why do you keep asking them for experimental treatments? If it's just the flu or food poisoning, take a well-tested one.

Luigi Thirty
Apr 30, 2006

Emergency confection port.

The one experimental treatment I tried (my character got recruited into the Indian satanist cult and got cancer immediately after) ended with my 65 year old Raja getting her leg hacked off and dying a week later.

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

Yeah only use experimental treatments for diseases that don't go away on their own, like cancer or syphilis and gout and stuff.

TaurusTorus
Mar 27, 2010

Grab the bullshit by the horns

Experimental treatments are for when having a mangled lunatic on the throne is less bad than the alternatives.

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

TaurusTorus posted:

Experimental treatments are for when having a mangled lunatic on the throne is less bad than the alternatives.

Well it's also less dangerous if you're a high ranking satanist and can regrow lost parts, but even then its risky because if the treatment fails hard you can get saddled with -3 health which can be a death sentence on its own, age depending. It's also worth noting that the Family, Theology, and Hunting focuses grant +1 health which can help keep you alive with a particularly nasty illness.

Sultan Tarquin
Jul 29, 2007

and what kind of world would it be? HUH?!
I got cured of the plague once by having my hand cut off.

kingturnip
Apr 18, 2008
I had a Jarl vassal who, by the time I sacrificed him in a Blot, had eaten every one of his 14 children.
I guess they were just too delicious to worry about things like 'succession'.

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Soup du Journey
Mar 20, 2006

by FactsAreUseless

Weavered posted:

Any idea if China will carry over into EU4 like the Aztecs? For example if China never gets invaded/subjugated would I get a more outward looking China instead of the more insular Ming Empire?

I'd like to know dis as well

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