- Epicurius
- Apr 10, 2010
-
-
College Slice
|
quote:Or is it the end really? If you think it's too early to exit this adventure, go to PAGE 99.
I don't think it's too early to exit this adventure. I recommend Setting the Book on Fire
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2017 19:10
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2024 11:15
|
|
- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
-
|
quote:
You wake up. The last thing you remember is finding the piece of parchment that said, "Before the break of day brings light, one Good shall fight one Evil Knight..."
You rub your eyes to clear the sleep out of them. You see Kip and Abbey. But you're not in the garage anymore.
A bare bulb hangs from a wire in the ceiling. It casts a sickly yellow-brown tint over the enormous cavern of a room. The walls and ceiling are the color of mud.
"At least we're still together," you say.
"But where are we?" Abbey asks. "Hello! Is anybody there?"
No one answers.
The air is musty and stale. It reminds you of something. In fact, it's just like the air in the old museum you went to on a school field trip last month. Then you see the buddy sign on one wall: THE MEDIEVAL MUSEUM.
"Hey!" you shout excitedly. "We're downtown. This is the museum where your dad is supposed to speak next week!"
"Museum?" Abbey shoots back at you. "There's nothing here at - " Her mouth is open when a great splat of mud hits her right in the face! THWACK!
quote:
Abbey sputters as she wipes globs of thick brown mud from her mouth and eyes. Now she sees what you and Kip already see. The walls are alive!
Short, square-bodied mud beasts step out from the dirt-colored walls. They start flinging handfuls of thick oozing mud.
"THWAAAAPPP!" A glob catches you in the ear.
"TCHWAAANNK!" A fistful of the well-packed mud covers Kip's sandy hair and slides down over his eyes.
"What's happening?!" Kip cries.
"THWAAAAAPPP! comes the answer in the form of a special delivery mud-o-gram.
The oozy mud in your ear starts to harden and crack. You rip at it with your fingers. "SKOOOOOIIIINSH!" You're caught in the stomach by another mud glob. It hardens on contact. It makes it difficult to breathe. You've got to get out of here!
The Mud Slingers gang up on Abbey. They swing their gorilla arms and pack more solid mudballs to throw at her. "Aaahhhh!" Abbey sobs as one hard mudball nails her in the knee. "Why me? Why me?" she screams, clutching her bashed knee.
quote:
You want to help Abbey. She's clutching her knee in agony. But before you can comfort Abbey, you've got a new problem of your own.
Another Mud Slinger slides out of the wall and stomps toward you. The broad, blubber-lipped creature is so close you can smell his oozy stench. You cough and sputter.
Disgusting streams of muddy liquid ooze from his yellow eyes and flaring nostrils. Right behind him is another Mud Slinger. And another. And another!
If you feel hopelessly walled-in by the mound of menacing Mud Slingers, turn to PAGE 55.
If you pull yourself out of this mud mess, turn to PAGE 86.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Parchment Piece
Goal Endings: 0/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Achievements
None yet.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2017 04:12
|
|
- Blockhouse
- Sep 7, 2014
-
You Win!
|
The gently caress is this? The gently caress is anything?
I give up
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2017 04:28
|
|
- girl dick energy
- Sep 30, 2009
-
You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
|
This random encounter is too much for us.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2017 04:31
|
|
- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
-
|
We're being oppressed!
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2017 06:26
|
|
- VivaLa Eeveelution
- Apr 3, 2011
-
|
Mud spelled backwards is, like this book, dum.
I understand the defeat we're burdened with, which is why I for one feel no need to 100% this. Pull yourselves together!
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2017 10:12
|
|
- Glass Punkbull 141
- Jan 9, 2008
-
This is the face of a winner. This is what winning looks like.
|
Yeah this book is as insane as I remember it.
Abstain
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2017 10:46
|
|
- Snake Maze
- Jul 13, 2016
-
3.85 Billion years ago- Having seen the explosion on the moon, the Devil comes to Venus
|
> Do you want to get a game over? Y/N
> Y
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2017 14:37
|
|
- PZ Smeltzenseltzer
- Feb 3, 2008
-
fortran
~*with style*~
|
Mud spelled backwards is, like this book, dum.
I understand the defeat we're burdened with, which is why I for one feel no need to 100% this. Pull yourselves together!
Yeah, especially since there’s only one goal ending, I’m fine with getting out of this book ASAP. Don’t die from the mud.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2017 17:39
|
|
- Hemingway To Go!
- Nov 10, 2008
-
im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys.
- ernest hemingway
|
eat mud and die
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2017 17:56
|
|
- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
-
|
quote:
"SPLAT!"
"THWAAAAAT!"
"SOOOWAAACK!"
The Mud Slingers throw their mud faster than you can wipe it away.
Abbey gives up. She stands facing one muddy wall with her hands up over her mud-covered eyes. The monsters stand in front of her like a firing line. They scoop up new mud and pelt her.
You watch in horror as the flung mud covers every inch of her clothing, hair, and skin. In another second it is impossible to see where Abbey ends and the wall begins. She is the wall!"
"Kip!" you shout. "Kip, where are you?"
While you were watching Abbey being mud-ified, Kip was being plastered to another wall. Only his eyes peer out at you. Then, "SCHWAAAAAAP!" he's gone.
You lunge toward the wall where Kip was. You scrape at the hardening mud. You try to say "Kip," but all that comes out of your mouth is a burbling mud burp.
"SWAAAAAAAAAAT!" A warm mudball plasters you in the back. You fall facefirst into the wall of muck.
quote:
A pair of mud-slimed arms push out of the wall. They wrap around you, holding you in place. Mudballs fly at you faster and harder.
"SPLAT!" Your head is covered.
"WHACK!" Your arms are covered.
"TCHOOOWOK! KAAACHINK! SWAAAK!" The thick sludge mud covers all of you. Your mud-encased body stiffens as the ooze hardens.
Welcome to the dirty world of the Evil Knight and his army of Mud Slingers. They always fight dirty and they always, always win in
THE END
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Parchment Piece
Goal Endings: 0/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
 Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Achievements
None yet.
Our options posted:
- Open the crate marked EVIL KNIGHT.
- Press X to not die.
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2017 01:28
|
|
- VivaLa Eeveelution
- Apr 3, 2011
-
|
X, as in, "I hope this is the book's exit route."
Oh wait, yeah, there's supposed to be an evil knight in this. Let's see how long that lasts.
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2017 03:34
|
|
- girl dick energy
- Sep 30, 2009
-
You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
|
Knowing this book so far, the Evil Knight crate will be a Bill & Ted phonebooth
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2017 03:39
|
|
- PumpkinBat
- Oct 22, 2012
-
|
I'm starting to think that choosing the Evil Knight just brings us back to the parchment route somehow, so:
We're not giving up! If it's a mud-slinging battle they want, it's a mud-slinging battle they'll get!
PumpkinBat fucked around with this message at 20:54 on Dec 7, 2017
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2017 13:27
|
|
- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
-
|
It's time for an early Christmas, and our present is an evil knight.
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2017 14:02
|
|
- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
-
fuck you trolls
|
Let's get this over with and open the Evil Knight box
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2017 18:36
|
|
- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
-
|
quote:
"Okay, okay. The fun's over," you declare. You move over to the crate marked EVIL KNIGHT and start to loosen the straps holding it shut. It's still shaking a little, but the screaming has died down to a faint moan.
"You really had me going there for a minute," you continue. "Those screams sound pretty scary. And all that moaning and shaking? Wow, you guys are good!"
Kip and Abbey look as if they don't know what you're talking about. But you know better.
"Who did you get to help you with this little prank, anyway? My dad?" you ask. Your dad is just the sort of goofball to go in for something like this too.
You fumble with the leather straps, but you finally get them undone. By now you're chuckling to yourself. It really was a good prank. Complete with these oversized crates. Still, you can't believe you fell for it.
Speaking of falling, that's what the front door to the crate does next. It's also what your lower jaw does - it falls open. You try to scream but all that comes out is a little whimper.
There - in front of you - about a foot from your face - you stare into the laser light eyes of the Knight in Screaming Armor!
quote:
The Evil Knight's head is a steaming hunk of black metal. A sparkling medallion hangs around his neck. Something about his medallion holds your gaze. You can't stop looking at it! With you standing there helpless before him, the Evil Knight raises his heavy sword and... and...
He brings it down and slashes open the back of the crate behind him. The wood shatters like ice.
"IN THE LAND OF THE SAXTONS YOU SHALL BE DESTROYED!" His voice booms over you. You shiver. He glances back at you and then disappears through the new opening.
You're not sure how long you stand there in shock. The next thing you know, Abbey and Kip are standing next to you.
"D-d-d-did you see th-th-that?" you stammer.
"Yeah, no big deal." Abbey tries to stand cool.
"Look!" Kip exclaims. "This hole in the back of the crate - there are hills in it!"
"Yeah, right! What's that mean?" Abbey huffs.
But he's right. You peer through the hole. You see emerald-green hills and a pale blue sky. You feel wind against your face. You feel yourself drawn to the scene. Like you were to the medallion.
"We'd better go through," you say without taking your eyes off the scene before you. "If not, we'll never break this curse thing." You push aside the splinters and step through...
quote:
Kip and Abbey follow you through the hole in the back of the crate. When all three of you are through, something slams shut behind you. You turn to look, and the crate has disappeared! All you see around you are hills. Soft, green, rolling hills.
"It's so beautiful," you say. "It's a whole new world." You rub your eyes, but it doesn't go away.
"It's OUR world!" Abbey exclaims. "We're back in England!"
"It's exactly where the Evil Knight wants us to be," Kip says softly. "England. The land of the Saxtons. England."
"Who cares?" Abbey says. "We're home!"
"Don't look so happy," Kip warns. "The Evil Knight wants to destroy us. We may be home for good! Or should I say, for evil?"
You gaze around you stunned. There's no way to explain what just happened to you. Hundreds of sheep are grazing on a nearby hill. One wild-looking ram glances up at you. Your heart jumps.
"His eyes are glowing!" you cry out.
Your pulse starts to race. The horned head of the ram morphs into the armored head of the Evil Knight! He lowers his head and paws the ground. Steam pours through the grill on his helmet.
"He's going to ram us!" you cry. "Run for your lives!"
quote:
Led by the Evil Knight, the whole herd of sheep stampedes! Terror grips you, as the thundering herd bears down on the three of you. You are about to be trampled!
The stampede sounds like a sonic boom. You wrap your arms around your head and wait to feel the pain of a hundred little hooves pounding you into the grass. So this is how he plans to destroy us, you think. You open your mouth to scream, but you can't hear anything over the thundering of sheep feet.
Then, suddenly, there's nothing but the sound of screaming. Your own screaming. You peek through your arms.
The stampeding herd is gone. The hills are gone. All that's left are prickle bushes. You're buried in prickle bushes. And they hurt!
quote:
"Ouch!" Abbey cries. She breaks herself free from the prickly bush. You can't help laughing. Abbey's a human pincushion! She has little prickly leaves stuck all over her.
"OUCH!" you and Kip say together as you fall out of the bushes. You find yourselves looking like two porcupines too.
You hear giggles. And they're not Abbey's. You glance over your shoulder and see something you never imagined you'd see.
Two miniature men are laughing and rolling on the ground. Each man is about the size of a football. They laugh and smack their knees and point at you.
"Pixies!" Kip cries.
"Pixies?" you say. "You've got to be kidding me!"
The little men disappear for a minute. They resurface in the bushes close by.
"This way out!" one giggles, pointing to the left.
"No, this way out!" says the other, pointing to the right. Which one can you trust?
Follow the pixie pointing to the left on PAGE 32.
Follow the pixie pointing to the right on PAGE 100.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Achievements
None yet.
Rebonack7 fucked around with this message at 02:17 on Dec 9, 2017
|
|
#
?
Dec 8, 2017 19:30
|
|
- Friend Commuter
- Nov 3, 2009
-
SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
-
Smellrose
|
quote:"Okay, okay. The fun's over,"
It sure is!
Go right.
|
|
#
?
Dec 8, 2017 19:55
|
|
- Hemingway To Go!
- Nov 10, 2008
-
im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys.
- ernest hemingway
|
I vote Go Left so that we now have a tie.
|
|
#
?
Dec 8, 2017 19:57
|
|
- Snake Maze
- Jul 13, 2016
-
3.85 Billion years ago- Having seen the explosion on the moon, the Devil comes to Venus
|
What... what was the point of the whole sheep thing? There was no choice, we just closed out eyes and woke up somewhere else.
Go Left
|
|
#
?
Dec 8, 2017 20:04
|
|
- PumpkinBat
- Oct 22, 2012
-
|
Why would you go after the knight?! The so-called Evil Knight had the perfect opportunity to off 3 Saxtons, yet chose to go back to England.
Why would you feel the need to pursue? Unless it's implied that he went back in time to kill off ancestral Saxtons, which would lead to them unexisting, which would provide a motive to go after him.
Left pixie, I guess.
|
|
#
?
Dec 8, 2017 20:52
|
|
- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
-
|
quote:
"Let's go to the left," Abbey says, pulling thorns out of her arms. "There's a cottage down the hill. Maybe we can get help there."
"Hello? Am I the only one who thinks there's something weird going on here?" you ask. Abbey and Kip can't here you. They're already walking across the windy meadow toward the cottage.
"Pixies!" you mumble to yourself. You take off after Kip and Abbey.
You don't get far when you hear a deafening rumble. It sounds like an earthquake! You see bits of turf flying in the air! You turn and look behind you to see...
HEDGES! Killer hedges. They're growing at an incredible rate. Actually, they're not so much growing as bursting through the earth in jagged lines. Walls of branches and leaves. And it looks as if, yes, they are... heading right for you!
It's time to start sprinting again. And there's no use screaming about it, either. Now's the time to MOVE!
quote:
Hedges are exploding out of the ground fully grown. They're spreading toward you with amazing speed. You're no match for them. They burst past you, blocking your path. You try to stop short. But not fast enough to avoid a faceful of prickles. Kip and Abbey, too.
You start to run the other way. But you don't get far before you come up against another wall of hedge!
It doesn't seem to matter which way you turn. Any open path is instantly blocked by a solid wall of high bramble bushes.
Prickers grab at you as you run past! You shake them off and keep on running. You have to get out of here! The walls around you grow higher and higher, cutting the sky into lines of blue.
The three of you race in every direction. But it's no use. You stop for a second to catch your breath.
The ground beneath you starts to rumble and shake. "Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!" you scream. You can imagine the hedge about to explode through the ground and up through your body! You brace yourself.
But then it stops. It's quiet again. Except for Kip.
"We're trapped!" he bellows. "What do we do now?"
quote:
You stare at the walls of greenery surrounding you. "The hedges are too high," you say. "We can't climb over them."
"It looks like a maze," Abbey comments. "You know, Kip, like they used to have at royal palaces and stuff? I wonder if there's a way out."
"We'll either have to find our way out or break through the hedge. We can't stay in here forever," you say.
"Forever!" Kip wails.
"Knock it off, Kip!" you and Abbey both cry.
So what will it be?
If you try to find your way out, turn to PAGE 51.
If you try to break through the hedge instead, turn to PAGE 116.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Achievements
None yet.
|
|
#
?
Dec 9, 2017 02:17
|
|
- chiasaur11
- Oct 22, 2012
-
|
Break on through to the other side.
There is only one path and that is the path that you take, but you can take more than one path.
Cross over the cell bars, find a new maze, make the maze from it's path, find the cell bars, cross over the bars, find a maze, make the maze from its path, eat the food, eat the path.
|
|
#
?
Dec 9, 2017 04:06
|
|
- Hemingway To Go!
- Nov 10, 2008
-
im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys.
- ernest hemingway
|
Hold up. First we have a completely random left or right choice with nothing motivating either, but then when we make the choice... Our character isn't the one who decided it, but our companions, while our player character expresses disdain at following our choice. And it's because the choice to go left was given by a picked... But so was the only other possible decision...
There are so many ways this book hates the reader here. It's kind of impressive.
|
|
#
?
Dec 9, 2017 04:10
|
|
- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
-
fuck you trolls
|
Wow, this is stupid.
Let's break on through
|
|
#
?
Dec 9, 2017 04:16
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2024 11:15
|
|
- girl dick energy
- Sep 30, 2009
-
You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
|
Use one of our cousins as a shield and push through the brambles.
|
|
#
?
Dec 9, 2017 07:16
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2017 19:10
