- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Crash on through!
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Dec 9, 2017 07:28
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 11, 2024 06:28
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- Graylien
- Aug 12, 2013
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It's clear to see the author has done his research on England, this is just my daily commute, so I feel qualified today find a way out, diving through thorn bushes is generally a bad idea.
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Dec 9, 2017 11:55
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
It's no use trying to find your way out of the mess of hedges surrounding you.
"We'll have to break through," you decide. "It's our only choice."
"Okay, but I better not get a scratch!" Abbey warns. "I've worked too hard for this beautiful complexion."
The three of you turn your backs to the high, thick hedge. "On the count of three we ram it!" you say. You link arms. "One, two, three!" you count. All together you throw yourselves backwards against the towering green wall. You fall through, landing flat on your backs on the other side.
"Hooray!" Kip cheers. "We did it!"
Before you and Abbey can add your own cheers, thousands of little animals tumble out of the hedge and cover you! Their fur is thick and coarse like spines.
"Ooooooooh! I hate dirty critters!" Abbey exclaims. "Get out of my hair!"
"Hedgehogs!" you cry. "They're holding us down."
quote:
There are hedgehogs squirming all over you. They jabber away: "Chitter... chee chee chitter chirt... chim chitter cheech."
"They're talking to each other!" you mutter through a mouthful of hedgehog spines. Two hedgehogs are holding a meeting right on your face. It doesn't feel very good. You manage to sit up. Dozens of the balled-up hedgehogs roll off you then pounce on you again.
"Chirt cheett churnchit cheeeet!" the lead hedgehog squeals. Three hedgehogs nesting in Abbey's hair look up.
The ones on Kip's shoulders curl into balls and roll down his chest. Spiny fur balls roll out of your sleeves, off your head, out of Abbey's hair, and even out from inside your shoes!
"Chirt cheett churnchit cheeeet!" the biggest hedgehog says again. In a flash, they scurry back into the hedges behind you.
What's going on? You feel a blast of wind. It's warm, not cold. You raise your eyes up to the hills. A dark mist is rolling down over them.
"Hey," you say. "We'd better get out of here. Whatever that mist is, those little animals were scared of it."
"Where are we going to go?" Abbey asks.
If you return to the hedges, turn to PAGE 23.
If you wait where you are to see what's coming, turn to PAGE 75.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Achievements
None yet.
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#
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Dec 10, 2017 04:16
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- Hemingway To Go!
- Nov 10, 2008
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im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys.
- ernest hemingway
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"Stay here" or "Return to the hedge maze"? No "Run like hell", you either have to not progress or undo your progress? God. I don't think I could write a worse CYOA if I TRIED to make one as lovely as possible.
Stay, why the hell would we go back in hedge hell.
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Dec 10, 2017 04:24
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- girl dick energy
- Sep 30, 2009
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You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
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Wait for this book to get better. (It will not.)
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Dec 10, 2017 09:01
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Wait it out, we clearly have more patience than a hedgehog.
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Dec 10, 2017 17:14
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
The hedges are behind you. The green hills are in front of you. There's a warm wind in your face and something... something is coming over those hills. A dark, black mist is rolling toward you. It's already halfway to where you're standing.
"I don't like the look of this," Kip says.
The warm wind picks up. Dark clouds gather. Dust whips around in whirlpools. Evil is in the air around you.
"Look," you remark, "sooner or later we're going to have to face this Evil Knight. That's the only way to break the curse, right? Only a Saxton can defeat him!"
"I'd prefer later to sooner - " Kip starts to answer back. He never finishes his sentence.
"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The scream of the Evil Knight announces his arrival.
quote:
The Evil Knight's screams mingle with the whistling blast of hot wind. You can almost feel his evil breath mixed in with the wind. You know he's so close. The dark mist rushes at you!
The force of the gale throws the three of you backwards against the hedge. But you don't feel the prickly leaves. You don't land on the ground where you were before. In fact, you don't land at all!
"We're faaaaaaaaaaaaaaalling!" the three of you cry together. Falling!
Falling!
Falling!
If the chair you're sitting on has a cushion, turn to PAGE 48.
If it doesn't have a cushion, or you're not sitting on a chair, turn to PAGE 72.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Achievements
None yet.
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#
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Dec 10, 2017 19:40
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- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
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fuck you trolls
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God, this is terrible.
My chair has a cushion
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Dec 10, 2017 19:56
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- VivaLa Eeveelution
- Apr 3, 2011
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Without going into too much detail about where I'm currently sitting, no cushion.
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Dec 10, 2017 21:54
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- PumpkinBat
- Oct 22, 2012
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The only cushion I am sitting on are my own buttocks (No Cushion)
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#
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Dec 10, 2017 22:26
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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I'm cushioned.
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#
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Dec 11, 2017 01:13
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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I'm sitting on my bed
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Dec 11, 2017 01:14
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
You've landed in a valley. But the green hills of a moment ago are long gone. In fact, there isn't a blade of grass as far as the eye can see. It's all rocks. Broken up shards and boulders and stones. And it's dark. A pale moon shines up above.
Abbey tries to move and barely balances on a wobbly platform of stone. She shrieks, "This is like an avalance waiting to happen!"
"Be careful!" Kip warns. "These flat rocks aren't as steady as they look."
"Yeah, uh, thanks for the tip, Kip," Abbey says. "I think we noticed!"
They're right. The rock you're standing on tips and throws you backwards to another flat rock below. "Whoa!" you cry as your new rocky floor see-saws back and forth. You glance down. There are more jagged rocks waiting to catch you below.
Next you look up. And something flashes. High up on the rocky point of this mountain, something silvery shimmers in the moonlight. It seems to be calling to you. What is it?
quote:
"Where are you going?" Kip asks you as you carefully step off your rocking rock and onto his.
"Look up there," you say. You point to the gleaming object. "I have a feeling whatever is up there is something we need. I don't know why, but I have to find out what it is. I'm going up to get it."
"I'll come with you!" Kip volunteers.
"Stop right there," Abbey orders. "Don't take another step. You're not leaving me alone!"
"Oh yeah. Abbey's afraid of heights," Kip mumbles.
"I'll go by myself," you declare. "You two stay together here." Balancing on all fours, you move up onto the next rock.
You feel as if you're climbing on eggshells. One false move and the rock you're on could crumble away. You would tumble all the way to the bottom. You test each rock before you move to it. It's amazing how many of them have jagged edges! Higher and higher you climb.
Then you see it.
A hand! Sticking up out of the rocks!
quote:
You peer closer at the hand sticking up out of the rocks. It's only made of stone! That's when you notice that the rock you're sitting on has a face!
"Aaaah!" you yell. The stone face is frozen in an expression of pain. You move to another rock. But as you look around, ALL of the broken rocks are shaped like PEOPLE! BROKEN PIECES OF PEOPLE!
"Abbey! Kip!" you cry. But there's no answer.
You can't see them from where you are without losing your balance. What if they're turning into stone, or something! You think. You call out again. But again, there's no reply.
What's going on? Maybe they just can't hear you from down below. But maybe you should climb back down and check on them. Just to be safe.
If you keep climbing for the shimmering object, turn to PAGE 124.
If you scramble back down the mountain to help your cousins, turn to PAGE 35.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Achievements
None yet.
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#
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Dec 11, 2017 02:38
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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Disregard cousins; acquire currency
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Dec 11, 2017 03:10
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- girl dick energy
- Sep 30, 2009
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You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
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Holla holla, get dolla ...and use it to buy a better book.
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Dec 11, 2017 04:07
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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All is for shiny.
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Dec 11, 2017 06:03
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- Friend Commuter
- Nov 3, 2009
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SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
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Smellrose
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Sorry, cousins, you're already dead. Get the thing.
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Dec 11, 2017 15:23
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
You may be climbing on pieces of people, but as rocks, they're not going to hurt you - or you, them, for that matter.
Kip and Abbey are probably fine. Maybe they just can't hear you.
If they are turning to stone, they're not going anywhere, are they? And you're not sure what you could do to help them, anyway.
You decide to keep climbing the last little bit up the slope. You'll grab that shining object - whatever it is - while you've got the chance. You're almost there.
The rock you're standing on is totally unstable. You have to do a real balancing act to keep from crashing down on the rocks below. Slowly, carefully, you reach for the silver object. It's long and shiny.
When you've got a hold of it, you try to lift it up. But it lifts you up! Up into the air. The shiny thing is a metal finger that's attached to a metal hand that's attached to... THE KNIGHT IN SCREAMING ARMOR!
quote:
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" You don't know who's screaming louder, you or the Evil Knight. You stare into his glowing eyes! You feel the steam of his breath on your face! And then he reaches out, lifts you up, and flings you over the mountainside.
Down, down, down you tumble.
Your arms and legs bash against the sharp rocks. You can feel the bumps and bruises starting to swell even before you reach the rocky bottom of the mountain.
At last you tumble to a stop next to the motionless figures of Kip and Abbey. You don't move a muscle - because you can't. You're stiff all over and you're getting stiffer. And stiffer... And stiffer...
THE END
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
 Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Achievements
None yet.
Our options posted:
- Press X to not die.
- Follow the right pixie.
- Try to find our way out of the maze.
- Go back into the maze.
- Say we're sitting on a cushion.
- Climb back down the mountain.
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Dec 11, 2017 17:37
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- PumpkinBat
- Oct 22, 2012
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That was absymal.
It looks like we lost our cousins, so;
Let's say we sit on a cushion.
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Dec 11, 2017 17:59
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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We're cushioned.
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Dec 11, 2017 18:21
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- Friend Commuter
- Nov 3, 2009
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SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
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Smellrose
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My chair's pretty cushiony, yeah.
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#
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Dec 11, 2017 19:08
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- Blockhouse
- Sep 7, 2014
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You Win!
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me reading this book
also I'm part of the cushion club
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#
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Dec 11, 2017 19:18
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- Graylien
- Aug 12, 2013
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I'm not sitting on a chair, but I am sitting on a cushion
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#
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Dec 11, 2017 19:37
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- girl dick energy
- Sep 30, 2009
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You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
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All I want in life is a nice cushy desk job.
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#
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Dec 11, 2017 21:05
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
THUMP! You land on something soft. It's a body! A human body!
"Oomph! Please, get off me this instant!" A regal-looking boy dressed in tights and puff shorts pushes you, Kip, and Abbey off of him. You all stand up and dust yourself off.
"Who are you?" you ask the boy. He looks your age.
"I am a page," answers the boy. "Page forty-eight in a class of one hundred and forty-four."
"A page?" Abbey asks. "What's a page?"
"We are knights in training," the boy answers proudly.
"And we're trying to get away from a knight!" you remind Abbey.
"Can you show us the way out of here?" Kip asks.
Page forty-eight points to a gate that opens by itself. "That's the way out," he says. "It's the Valley of Rocks."
"Hurry!" you order Abbey and Kip. "The gate is closing!" You make it through just as the gate crashes down behind you. You look back. Page forty-eight is gone. All you see before you is a night sky and a strange, mysterious valley full of rocks.
This takes us to the same page as the non-cushion option. Also, to save you the effort of checking: yes, that really was page 48, and yes, this book does have 144 pages (136, if you only count the numbered pages).
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
Our options posted:
- Press X to not die.
- Follow the right pixie.
- Try to find our way out of the maze.
- Go back into the maze.
- Climb back down the mountain.
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Dec 12, 2017 02:18
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- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
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fuck you trolls
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gently caress you book. gently caress you.
Climb down the mountain
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Dec 12, 2017 02:28
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Escape the maze
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#
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Dec 12, 2017 03:48
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 11, 2024 06:28
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#
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Dec 9, 2017 07:28
ing at how awful it is while pretending to be upset for comedic effect.