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FAUXTON
Jun 2, 2005

spero che tu stia bene

Kassad posted:

Give Hannibal a nuke.

Better yet, Brennus

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FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Give everyone a nuke.

Obliterati
Nov 13, 2012

Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
Thunderdome is forever.
If we gave Australopithicus a nuke we could avert this entire conversation

Arglebargle III
Feb 21, 2006

I'd bring back HIV.

physeter
Jan 24, 2006

high five, more dead than alive
Sea silk would probably make an excellent mosquito net, except the moths would eat it.

A brief BBC video of the last known weaver of the silk from the infamous "water sheep":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uyr_7P6l_2o

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

Put precisely one nuke on the planet and say it's a gift from your closest Mars analog.

Run a book on how long until, and where, it goes off.

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW
I'd start kidnapping historical figures for use in my extra credit end of year history presentation.

sebzilla
Mar 17, 2009

Kid's blasting everything in sight with that new-fangled musket.


I'd get immediately captured and sold into slavery as I don't speak the language

PittTheElder
Feb 13, 2012

:geno: Yes, it's like a lava lamp.

Spoken ecclesiastical Latin is super different from classical Latin, right? Is the written language still similar? Maybe if you were a Catholic priest you could go back and just pretend to be a weird rear end provincial.

Slim Jim Pickens
Jan 16, 2012
It'd be funnier if it made you sound like a sci-fi alien instead, maybe somebody would get a kick out of that.

skasion
Feb 13, 2012

Why don't you perform zazen, facing a wall?

PittTheElder posted:

Spoken ecclesiastical Latin is super different from classical Latin, right? Is the written language still similar? Maybe if you were a Catholic priest you could go back and just pretend to be a weird rear end provincial.

No, not really. Your pronunciation would sound very odd since it’s so influenced by Italian, and it’s not clear to me that any old Numerius Nigidius on the street would be able to understand you completely, but in writing you could certainly make yourself understood to an educated Roman.

Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006

Yes, I know I'm old, get off my fucking lawn so I can yell at these clouds.

skasion posted:

No, not really. Your pronunciation would sound very odd since it’s so influenced by Italian, and it’s not clear to me that any old Numerius Nigidius on the street would be able to understand you completely, but in writing you could certainly make yourself understood to an educated Roman.

If you know the basics of the grammar and language already pronunciation is also something you can learn a LOT quicker. It would be as simple as grabbing some literate person off the street and having them read what your copy of De Bello Gallico should sound like out loud.

Arglebargle III
Feb 21, 2006

That really gets to the question of what is good for society? If you were able to bring something back to the past to effect good... what is good?

cheetah7071
Oct 20, 2010

honk honk
College Slice

sebzilla posted:

I'd get immediately captured and sold into slavery as I don't speak the language

same except I'd probably end up dying right after from being completely unused to hard physical labor

Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006

Yes, I know I'm old, get off my fucking lawn so I can yell at these clouds.

Arglebargle III posted:

That really gets to the question of what is good for society? If you were able to bring something back to the past to effect good... what is good?

Probably minimizing human suffering is the only metric you're going to be able to go by that isn't innately tied to personal beliefs.

I mean, there are some dudes out there who 100% believe the correct answer is taking a pistol back and shooting Muhammad so Islam never happens. Whether or not that is a net gain for humanity comes down to personal beliefs (for the record, NO I do not believe this).

edit: with that in mind I'm doubling down on basic cultivation of antibiotics and a quick primer on germ theory. I mean, they were already kind of getting there with miasma theory, just the vector wasn't quite right.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!
No one will option my screenplay for Dark Enlightenment Time Machine.

Arglebargle III
Feb 21, 2006

Cyrano4747 posted:

Probably minimizing human suffering is the only metric you're going to be able to go by that isn't innately tied to personal beliefs.


The time traveler immediately runs into two problems: contingency, which has been treated exhaustively elsewhere; and the export of human suffering into the past or future.

cheetah7071
Oct 20, 2010

honk honk
College Slice
Before the past century or so saving lives from plagues will just mean more people die in famines probably, and vice versa. It's fun to talk about but I don't think there exists anything you can bring back that lets you leapfrog human development except maybe scientific thinking and even then you'd have to go about convincing people the hard way while competing with a bunch of other schools of thought

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

Which is why you bring both a textbook and an automatic pistol. QED.

Grevling
Dec 18, 2016

Condoms and pension plans.

sebzilla
Mar 17, 2009

Kid's blasting everything in sight with that new-fangled musket.


Butt stuff and weed

Fake edit: this isn't the sex questions megathread!

Nothingtoseehere
Nov 11, 2010


Yea, until the late industrial revolution crop yield is the big factor in stability and wellbeing. Gotta eat to live. Until we get industrial fertilisers and mechanised labour, crop yields will still plummet in down years: Potatoes are probably the best choice for that reason, even if expanding the food supply just means population grows bigger before they all die next famine.

Arglebargle III
Feb 21, 2006

Discuss: when did the agricultural revolution pay off in a superior lifestyle for the median citizen in a culture that transitioned from pastoralism to agriculture?

Jeb Bush 2012
Apr 4, 2007

A mathematician, like a painter or poet, is a maker of patterns. If his patterns are more permanent than theirs, it is because they are made with ideas.

Cyrano4747 posted:

Probably minimizing human suffering is the only metric you're going to be able to go by that isn't innately tied to personal beliefs.

"minimising human suffering" is innately tied to personal beliefs!

Ras Het
May 23, 2007

when I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child - but now I am a man.

Arglebargle III posted:

Discuss: when did the agricultural revolution pay off in a superior lifestyle for the median citizen in a culture that transitioned from pastoralism to agriculture?

The question doesn't add up because pastoralism didn't precede the neolithic revolution (if that's what you mean). If you meant hunter-gathering, well, depends on your metrics and idea of the median citizen

cheetah7071
Oct 20, 2010

honk honk
College Slice

Arglebargle III posted:

Discuss: when did the agricultural revolution pay off in a superior lifestyle for the median citizen in a culture that transitioned from pastoralism to agriculture?

From what I've read, either the past hundred years or so or never depending on how much you think life sucks for the median human right now

Apparently hunting-gathering is much more chill than farming, it just doesn't support a very high population density or allow elites to tax you

skasion
Feb 13, 2012

Why don't you perform zazen, facing a wall?
Hunter-gatherers don’t labor as much in terms of time as people in agricultural societies, and their labor is structured differently, but it’s not like they loaf around all day waiting for food to come to them either. Hunting and gathering is work, and in most environments it’s really hard work. Most of the time it also requires nomadic lifestyle so you don’t hunt and gather yourself right out of food. There’s also hella child mortality like in any premodern society. No matter how much you hate your job, you probably would not have a good time living in a hunter-gatherer culture.

golden bubble
Jun 3, 2011

yospos

nothing to seehere posted:

Yea, until the late industrial revolution crop yield is the big factor in stability and wellbeing. Gotta eat to live. Until we get industrial fertilisers and mechanised labour, crop yields will still plummet in down years: Potatoes are probably the best choice for that reason, even if expanding the food supply just means population grows bigger before they all die next famine.

I love the irony that Thomas Robert Malthus published his theory just after industrial agriculture started to invalidate it.

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

Cyrano4747 posted:

Probably minimizing human suffering is the only metric you're going to be able to go by that isn't innately tied to personal beliefs.

I mean, there are some dudes out there who 100% believe the correct answer is taking a pistol back and shooting Muhammad so Islam never happens.

Didn't go back far enough. Take your pistol, head back, and shoot the would-be parents of the first human.

Human suffering has been totally eliminated

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!
Fortunately you can't do that, since time is a flat circle.

a kitten
Aug 5, 2006

Steal their bread recipe.

https://twitter.com/ehauserwrites/status/940263622751682565

Slim Jim Pickens
Jan 16, 2012
Not everybody has an active volcano in their backyard, loving hipsters and their artisan breads!


Why are all the pictures of baby Jesus??

HEY GUNS
Oct 11, 2012

FOPTIMUS PRIME

cheetah7071 posted:

I don't think there exists anything you can bring back that lets you leapfrog human development
the Second Agricultural Revolution happened in the 1700s. It was the selective breeding of new breeds of livestock/crops and the development of new agricultural methods like the stall-feeding/fertilizer cycle. It's all ONE HUNDRED PERCENT doable with roman-level tech

that plus improved sanitation is why the human population starts climbing around 1750 after digging itself out of the 30-yw-ditch and then, unlike at every previous time this happened in history, kept climbing

HEY GUNS
Oct 11, 2012

FOPTIMUS PRIME

Slim Jim Pickens posted:

Why are all the pictures of baby Jesus??
because jesus took on human flesh in the incarnation, which for most of us means having sex organs

there are also pictures of a crucified christ with the painter alluding to his dong in it, don't worry

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

Also lots of pictures of babby Jesus looking a lot like a middle aged banker, for Reasons.

Arglebargle III
Feb 21, 2006

Slim Jim Pickens posted:

Not everybody has an active volcano in their backyard, loving hipsters and their artisan breads!

Carbonized bread is a bit of a wonder-material; it's an excellent electrical and thermal insulator and it's incredibly cheap compared to other low density heat resistant materials. It is however quite fragile.

fishmech
Jul 16, 2006

by VideoGames
Salad Prong
What do you think the Romans would do if you showed them how to build basic electrical generators in general and left it up to them how they'd get the power to rotate the coils?

Make it a human slave task? Stick to hooking it up to existing water mills?

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

I would imagine given what Romans do if you put a natural water source and height differential within fifty miles of them, they'd probably put them on water wheels.

Benagain
Oct 10, 2007

Can you see that I am serious?
Fun Shoe
Por que no los dos?

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skasion
Feb 13, 2012

Why don't you perform zazen, facing a wall?
On that note has anyone read this novel that came out recently Kingdom of the Wicked, about Jesus getting tried in industrially revolutionized Rome? I usually stay away from alt-hist stuff but my dad recommended it to me, so it might be decent, I guess.

e: not the Anthony Burgess book. Though if anyone has any opinions on that they’re welcome too.

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