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pile of brown
Dec 31, 2004
Reminds me of when our owner bought all of ottolenghis books and then booked an event featuring the cuisine of Israel (which I know nothing about) and then all her guests showed up in yarmulkes.

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therattle
Jul 24, 2007
Soiled Meat

Wroughtirony posted:

Cooked my first kosher chicken tonight. Host-friend tells me the Rabbi is coming over for dinner. Okay- I got this, right?


Bloodiest, most poorly-plucked chicken I have ever seen in my life. Very untidy butchering job. Took every dirty trick in my book to make the thing look presentable and there was still a ton of blood in the leg joints when it was fully cooked.

I've been doing all this research about kashrut and I'm losing my mind over here thinking that the blood is going to make this bird unservable.


Apparently nah.

I found out that the fact that this bird had been certified Kosher takes precedence over any gently caress-ups.

Also, this: https://modernfarmer.com/2015/06/wait-is-this-weird-duck-kosher-or-not/


I would never choose a kosher lifestyle for myself and I will be glad when I no longer have to hide in my car to eat a cheeseburger, but it's been a fun an interesting journey learning how to operate in a kosher kitchen.

My mother bought a kosher chicken for some guests the other day and was complaining about how disgusting it was. My brother is religious so I'm familiar with the whole kosher thing. It's an enormous pain in the arse. My biggest issue is that if kosher slaughtering is so concerned with animal welfare why isn't that concern extended to the full life of the animal? Jewish law extends other ideas like crazy but this one stays bounded on the animals' death, not life.

Why are you cooking kosher?

BrianBoitano
Nov 15, 2006

this is fine



He said he cooked it because a rabbi was a dinner guest.

Kosher law is older than factory farming so it wasn't a concern when it was codified, I'd imagine.

Also I'm pretty sure a rabbi needs to be on site all day at slaughterhouses. That same rigor could never apply to farms logistically.

Thumposaurus
Jul 24, 2007

We have one week long event at the hotel I work at where everything is kosher.
It's such a pain and we have all these goony rabbis hovering around watching us.
The only cool rabbi was the one who worked with inner city youths and told us he liked The Wu-Tang Clan.

Steve Yun
Aug 7, 2003
I'm a parasitic landlord that needs to get a job instead of stealing worker's money. Make sure to remind me when I post.
Soiled Meat
Mario Batali accused of sexual harassment https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/12/11/mario-batali-sexual-harassment/939785001/

Chemmy
Feb 4, 2001

He agrees with the accusations. None of this should be terribly surprising to anyone.

therattle
Jul 24, 2007
Soiled Meat

BrianBoitano posted:

He said he cooked it because a rabbi was a dinner guest.

Kosher law is older than factory farming so it wasn't a concern when it was codified, I'd imagine.

Also I'm pretty sure a rabbi needs to be on site all day at slaughterhouses. That same rigor could never apply to farms logistically.

He or she?

Anyway, I thought the rabbi might be part of the reason, not the whole reason.

Wroughtirony
May 14, 2007



BrianBoitano posted:

He said he cooked it because a rabbi was a dinner guest.

Kosher law is older than factory farming so it wasn't a concern when it was codified, I'd imagine.

Also I'm pretty sure a rabbi needs to be on site all day at slaughterhouses. That same rigor could never apply to farms logistically.



Actually, I'm living with some friends for awhile while my husband is off doing work stuff. She is Jewish and keeps a fairly traditional kosher kitchen (two sets of plates, cookware, etc.) So I'm learning how to operate in that setting. Mostly it's a matter of resisting my tendency to put butter in everything.

Apparently wonky kosher chickens are not uncommon since kosher farming operations are trying to catch up with more mechanization to lower prices, so you end up with kind of a mish-mash of techniques and practices instead of the terrifyingly standardized streamlined factory farms that churn out regular chickens.

bloody ghost titty
Oct 23, 2008
Hey guys I made a post.

e: it's about gifts!

SubG
Aug 19, 2004

It's a hard world for little things.

Wroughtirony posted:

I would never choose a kosher lifestyle for myself and I will be glad when I no longer have to hide in my car to eat a cheeseburger, but it's been a fun an interesting journey learning how to operate in a kosher kitchen.
If you're having fun with basic kosher rules look up the rules for bitul, the quantum mechanics of kashrut.

Wroughtirony
May 14, 2007



therattle posted:

He or she?

Anyway, I thought the rabbi might be part of the reason, not the whole reason.

A Rabbi, a married couple, a child, a chef and a poodle all had a chicken dinner last night. All but four of the feet touching the floor during the evening belonged to females. There were seven beating hearts.


Make more sense now?

That Works
Jul 22, 2006

Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy


Wroughtirony posted:

A Rabbi, a married couple, a child, a chef and a poodle all had a chicken dinner last night. All but four of the feet touching the floor during the evening belonged to females. There were seven beating hearts.


Make more sense now?

Congrats!

Flash Gordon Ramsay
Sep 28, 2004

Grimey Drawer

Wroughtirony posted:

A Rabbi, a married couple, a child, a chef and a poodle all had a chicken dinner last night. All but four of the feet touching the floor during the evening belonged to females.

Make more sense now?

I wasn’t aware there would be any math

Pollyanna
Mar 5, 2005

Milk's on them.


Today I found out that cabbage makes an okay substitute for chicken in chicken saag. Pity that I forgot to wash the spinach.

Mr. Wiggles
Dec 1, 2003

We are all drinking from the highball glass of ideology.

Pollyanna posted:

Today I found out that cabbage makes an okay substitute for chicken in chicken saag. Pity that I forgot to wash the spinach.

While cabbage is good, it is distinctly un chickeny.

mindphlux
Jan 8, 2004

by R. Guyovich

Pollyanna posted:

Today I found out that cabbage makes an okay substitute for chicken in chicken saag. Pity that I forgot to wash the spinach.

dude you might want to go to an emergency room, I think you might be having a stroke

Wroughtirony
May 14, 2007




I'll tell them you said so!

ulmont
Sep 15, 2010

IF I EVER MISS VOTING IN AN ELECTION (EVEN AMERICAN IDOL) ,OR HAVE UNPAID PARKING TICKETS, PLEASE TAKE AWAY MY FRANCHISE

Wroughtirony posted:

A Rabbi, a married couple, a child, a chef and a poodle all had a chicken dinner last night. All but four of the feet touching the floor during the evening belonged to females. There were seven beating hearts.


Make more sense now?

Who has the double heart?

A Rabbi (1), a married couple (2-3), a child (4), a chef (5) and a poodle (6?)

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
:unsmith: i like nice words
Pragnet, hence the congrats

Squashy Nipples
Aug 18, 2007

Aren't there female Rabbis now? Maybe you should specify where they are on the fundamental to reform spectrum?

therattle
Jul 24, 2007
Soiled Meat

Anne Whateley posted:

Pragnet, hence the congrats

Oh! I didn't get that! :doh: Congratulations!

Steve Yun
Aug 7, 2003
I'm a parasitic landlord that needs to get a job instead of stealing worker's money. Make sure to remind me when I post.
Soiled Meat


I'm halfway to becoming a doomsday prepper

Wroughtirony
May 14, 2007



ulmont posted:

Who has the double heart?

A Rabbi (1), a married couple (2-3), a child (4), a chef (5) and a poodle (6?)


The Time Lord, of course.

Croatoan
Jun 24, 2005

I am inevitable.
ROBBLE GROBBLE
Guys! I found the holy grail! Your woes are over! They apparently have canned pealed potatoes! No more suffering over peeling potatoes anymore.

I can’t believe they have canned peeled potatoes that’s so effing stupid

Croatoan fucked around with this message at 21:25 on Dec 14, 2017

Mr. Wiggles
Dec 1, 2003

We are all drinking from the highball glass of ideology.
What else would you serve with your canned, whole, bone in chicken?

Cactus Ghost
Dec 20, 2003

you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

canning potatoes without the skin is traditionally how it’s done, isn’t it? presumably for olde tyme food safety reasons

Croatoan
Jun 24, 2005

I am inevitable.
ROBBLE GROBBLE
Maybe idk, I've never had canned potatoes. That's weird.

Fo3
Feb 14, 2004

RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)
Back in 1994 I was following a dumb magazine recipe that used canned potatoes at the end so I bought them a few times just because following the recipe.
OTOH, I've never had canned peas, green beans or carrots.

Pollyanna
Mar 5, 2005

Milk's on them.


Critique my meatball recipe!

  • 1.2 lb of meatball mix (ground beef, veal, pork mixture)
  • 1 medium or large egg
  • 1 tbsp minced garlic
  • 1/4 cup breadcrumbs
  • 1/4 cup beef stock
  • 1/2 tbsp of salt

    Preheat an oven to 375F. Mix the beef stock into the breadcrumbs until you get a fairly well-mixed panade. Put the meatball mix into a bowl, and add the salt, garlic, egg, and panade. Mix well with your hands until the ingredients are evenly distributed and the meat is warmed somewhat from your body heat. Form into 12~16 meatballs and place on a foil-lined tray. Bake the meatballs for 25~28 minutes, remove, and serve however you like.

It's not meant to be particularly great, it's just a fallback recipe when I don't want to think about making something complicated. That said, I do want to make it tastier. I've head Chinese meatballs like Lion's Heads and they have a soft, tender, springy texture that isn't tough or dry in the middle. I have no idea what I would need to do in order to mimic that texture, but I would love to make meatballs like you get in dim sum places. What can I do to bring my recipe closer to that?

Mr. Wiggles posted:

While cabbage is good, it is distinctly un chickeny.

mindphlux posted:

dude you might want to go to an emergency room, I think you might be having a stroke

In terms of large pieces of stuff to eat, I mean :v:

Casu Marzu
Oct 20, 2008

Unless that stock is homemade I would swap to chicken. Commercial beef stock is just brown salt water.

Also bloom a pack of plain gelatin in said stock and mix that in.


Also I wouldn't bother with veal. Pretty much all veal you find in the store sucks. Just double the pork.

Edit: I believe to get that springy texture, you stir the ground meat with a portion of salt until it's smooth and uniform texture. Maybe ice water too I think.

Casu Marzu fucked around with this message at 22:41 on Dec 14, 2017

Pollyanna
Mar 5, 2005

Milk's on them.


The meat is from a pre-mixed meat pack found in the meat section. :shrug: I'm lazy. I might just cut the poo poo and go for ground pork by itself.

The stock is usually some beef bones (ideally marrow bones) cooked in my instant pot, so it should be home made...

Gelatin would be a good idea, and I'll pick some up.

Salt and ice water for springy meatballs? Interesting. Maybe the intent is to get it as smooth and paste-like as possible?

Casu Marzu
Oct 20, 2008

Yeah the springy texture you get in most Asian type meatballs is by doing the exact opposite of what you do for white people meatballs and stir the hell out of your mixture until it's smooth.

MiddleOne
Feb 17, 2011

Croatoan posted:

Guys! I found the holy grail! Your woes are over! They apparently have canned pealed potatoes! No more suffering over peeling potatoes anymore.

I can’t believe they have canned peeled potatoes that’s so effing stupid

My primary school used to serve us canned pealed potatoes. Apparently pealing actual potatoes was just too hard for a school kitchen (???) so the school was cought in a never-ending loop between student councils voting canned potatoes in and out. Due to their distinctly sour aftertaste students would get upset and demand change. Then the school would bring actual potatoes in which got to stay for about 2 years before new students, who had never lived through the horrors of canned potatoes, voted fresh out due 'ew skin'. I suspect that this cycle is still ongoing to this today.

Mr. Wiggles
Dec 1, 2003

We are all drinking from the highball glass of ideology.
In further Vegas chat, the office I just moved into is moving from Henderson to West Sahara. Which is awesome because it's walking distance from Herbs and Rye. :hellyeah:

bloody ghost titty
Oct 23, 2008

Mr. Wiggles posted:

In further Vegas chat, the office I just moved into is moving from Henderson to West Sahara. Which is awesome because it's walking distance from Herbs and Rye. :hellyeah:

YES.

bartolimu
Nov 25, 2002


Mr. Wiggles posted:

In further Vegas chat, the office I just moved into is moving from Henderson to West Sahara. Which is awesome because it's walking distance from Herbs and Rye. :hellyeah:

That's great. My office is about a 2 minute drive from my favorite brewery (CraftHaus), and I thought that was pretty okay. Walking to Herbs & Rye (and therefore having a parking place that isn't their claustrophobic lot) is definitely better.

BrianBoitano
Nov 15, 2006

this is fine



Pollyanna posted:

Salt and ice water for springy meatballs? Interesting. Maybe the intent is to get it as smooth and paste-like as possible?

Salt is how ground pork turns into sausage. So if you like the springy texture of sausage in your meat balls versus crumble apart in your mouth, salt can help. Don't overdo it, though, because pork grease is much better at balancing the sponginess of the salted meat than in beef.

The mixed-in bread crumbs can help keep it crumbly even with salt.

Related, never salt your burgers until right before you are ready to cook, or else you get fast food chewy burgers.

Tendales
Mar 9, 2012

Croatoan posted:

Guys! I found the holy grail! Your woes are over! They apparently have canned pealed potatoes! No more suffering over peeling potatoes anymore.

I can’t believe they have canned peeled potatoes that’s so effing stupid

When I was a kid, my mom's beef stew was almost entirely canned ingredients. Canned veg-all, canned broth, canned consomme, canned potatoes. To her credit, at least the beef was fresh.

I still have a little bit of nostalgia for the weird smooth texture and overseasoned flavor of canned potatoes.

ogopogo
Jul 16, 2006
Remember: no matter where you go, there you are.

Mr. Wiggles posted:

In further Vegas chat, the office I just moved into is moving from Henderson to West Sahara. Which is awesome because it's walking distance from Herbs and Rye. :hellyeah:

Ooooh, dangerous and awesome. If you need a fresh cut, Goodtimes Barber and Shave Parlor next door is a real money spot for a haircut and a shave.

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Mr. Wiggles
Dec 1, 2003

We are all drinking from the highball glass of ideology.
I've actually been looking for a barber! But I go to a hipster barber in Reno that's all straight razors and straight bourbon and I'd like to find equivalent.

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