Schroedinger's Quantum Bullshit: The Give Yourself Goosebumps Megathread

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AnAnonymousIdiot: Sep 14, 2013

Uhhh.... Does this clock look familiar?

# ? Dec 28, 2017 10:10

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# ? May 12, 2024 04:54

AceOfFlames: Oct 9, 2012

Just finished binging this thread. I read Dr. Eeek, Purple Peanutbutter and Tick Tock as a kid. Never could have imagined the likes of Werewolf Woods and Screaming Armor were in this series. :psyduck:

Anyway, This clock looks familiar.

AceOfFlames fucked around with this message at 22:12 on Dec 30, 2017

# ? Dec 29, 2017 16:04

Rebonack7: Aug 27, 2015

quote:

Aha! You have seen this clock before! What was it about this clock that was so strange? Oh yes! Now you remember everything. You've read all about this weird cuckoo clock in a GOOSEBUMPS book - The Cuckoo Clock of Doom.

This looks like the very same clock that got that kid Michael Webster in so much trouble. His dad brought it home from an antique store. He told Michael not to touch it. But Michael didn't listen. Curiosity got the best of him - and then so did the evil clock!

A terrible spell had been put on the clock. A strange spell. A dangerous spell that made Michael go backward in time. It turned him into a little kid!

"Hmmmmmm," you wonder, "could this really be the very same clock?" You can't help wondering if that nasty little bird is still in there.

quote:

You've just got to know if this is the same clock as the one in the GOOSEBUMPS book. It was such an amazing story. You reach up to the little door just over the clock face. It slides open. You peer inside.

"CUCKOOOO!" Out flies the most hideous bird you've ever seen. Is it the cuckoo bird of doom? You fall to the ground. You've got to protect your face from that bird! You wrap your hands so tightly around your face that you block out all the air. There's a fluttering and a scraping on your skin. Seconds later, you black out.

When you wake up, you don't remember anything. You feel quite strange but you don't exactly feel younger like Michael Webster was. Smaller, yes. But not younger. What's happened to you?

A steady tick, tock, tick booms through the darkness around you - slowly, slowly. Then a little door slides open in front of you. You rush through it and squawk, "Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" You ruffle your feathers. "I'm a bird!" you screech.

But then it's over. That's it. Until the next hour.

Guess it wasn't the cuckoo clock of doom after all. More like the cuckoo clock of craziness. You're still alive, but all this noise and waiting is going to drive you cuckoo in

THE END

More and more I find myself regretting my decision to not end the book after finishing the first path.

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
2 Parchment Pieces

Goal Endings: 0.5/1

Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.

Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.

Our options posted:

Follow the right pixie.

Try to find our way out of the maze.

Go back into the maze.

Say Abbey comes back right away.

Turn left on the giant bird.

Turn right on the giant bird.

Say we aren't ready to fight the Knight.

Press X to not die.

Examine the other clock.

# ? Dec 29, 2017 17:44

XavierGenisi: Nov 7, 2009

Examine the other clock

# ? Dec 29, 2017 17:50

MelvinBison: Nov 17, 2012; "Is this the ideal world that you envisioned?"
"I guess you could say that."; Pillbug

I can't believe getting the reference kills you. What a poo poo.
Examine non-lethal clock.

# ? Dec 29, 2017 17:59

Leraika: Jun 14, 2015; Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.

Like our idiot protagonist is stuck as a cuckoo, so is our guide stuck parroting this lovely book. :colbert:

Examine the other clock that will probably kill us too

# ? Dec 29, 2017 18:01

rudecyrus: Nov 6, 2009; fuck you trolls

quote:

You've just got to know if this is the same clock as the one in the GOOSEBUMPS book. It was such an amazing story.

No, c'mon, you can't do this!

Let's gently caress with the other clock

# ? Dec 29, 2017 18:57

AceOfFlames: Oct 9, 2012

This is a bad book.

Other clock it is.

EDIT: On a whim, I googled this book and stumbled onto this book's entry in the Goosebumps Wiki (spoilers for endings). This line speaks for itself:

quote:

Most of the choices are based on things that, realistically, the reader should not be in control of.

AceOfFlames fucked around with this message at 23:49 on Dec 29, 2017

# ? Dec 29, 2017 23:39

Rebonack7: Aug 27, 2015

quote:

The antique cuckoo clock in the corner is strange. But it's nothing compared to the clock hanging on the wall next to it! "This clock looks like something from the future," you say to Kip and Abbey.

"It's pretty. Like me," Abbey declares. "I'm taking it down to get a closer look." She stands on tiptoe and lifts the square clock down. You all gather around to see. The shimmering, silver, hologram clock face has three smaller clock faces on it. One face is silvery-green with wavy silver hands. One is hot pink with straight black hands. The last one's fiery orange with no hands at all.

"They're set at different times," you notice. You check your watch. It's 1:00 A.M. You decide to reset the funny clock faces to the correct time.

To turn the hands on the green clock face first, go to PAGE 5.

To turn the hands on the pink clock face first, go to PAGE 109.

If you're fascinated by the orange clock face instead, turn to PAGE 68.

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
2 Parchment Pieces

Goal Endings: 0.5/1

Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.

Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.

# ? Dec 30, 2017 22:30

VivaLa Eeveelution: Apr 3, 2011

Green. Here's my reasoning:

1. I can't see how loving with these clocks will immediately get us to the goal ending.
2. I'm in the middle of a move, and I've uncovered some old CYOAs of mine. The trips down nostalgia lane have taught me that endings are weighted to the backs of the books.
3. Therefore, pink and orange are more likely to waste our time with a non-goal end.

There is a caveat with 2 in that the books I've rediscovered are written much better, but I'm of the belief that having more endings near the back is an inherent quirk of the format.

# ? Dec 30, 2017 23:11

rudecyrus: Nov 6, 2009; fuck you trolls

Pink, because it's the first one that popped into my head.

# ? Dec 30, 2017 23:20

CaptainCaveman: Apr 16, 2005; Always searching for North.

Orange because I want us to try turning the hands on a clock with no hands, because that's stupid, just like this book.

# ? Dec 30, 2017 23:53

PZ Smeltzenseltzer: Feb 3, 2008; fortran
~*with style*~

Green.

# ? Dec 31, 2017 00:20

MelvinBison: Nov 17, 2012; "Is this the ideal world that you envisioned?"
"I guess you could say that."; Pillbug

I'll say Pink.

# ? Dec 31, 2017 00:52

Leraika: Jun 14, 2015; Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.

Dice say Orange. I'm contributing!

# ? Dec 31, 2017 05:20

XavierGenisi: Nov 7, 2009

Pink

# ? Dec 31, 2017 05:55

PumpkinBat: Oct 22, 2012

Of those three, I prefer the fiery orange

# ? Dec 31, 2017 15:10

AceOfFlames: Oct 9, 2012

Orange.

# ? Dec 31, 2017 16:59

Rebonack7: Aug 27, 2015

quote:

The middle clock face has no hands so you can't reset the time. You study this orange clock face for a moment and decide not to play with it now. Instead you slip the whole clock under your sweatshirt. "This might come in handy later," you say to Kip and Abbey. "You never know when we might need more time."

As soon as you say the word "time" every clock in this clock-filled room strikes the hour: BONG! BONG! CUCKOO! TICKTOCK BONG! TOCK TICKTOCK CUCKOO! CUCKOO! BONG! BONG! BONG!!!!

The noise is almost unbearable. You try to cover your ears, but you only have one hand free. It's like the clocks are striking back! It's like they're angry at you for taking one of them! You tighten your grip on the three-faced clock and head for the exit door. "Let's get out of here!" you shout to the others. "Hurry!"

quote:

You slam yourself against the door at the back of the roomful of clocks. It won't budge.

"Push harder!" Abbey yells over the deafening sounds of all the clocks. The three of you lean your shoulders into the door and push. One more hard shove and it springs open!

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!" you all cheer together as you fall through the doorway and onto a long spiral slide. You hang on to each other. You're speeding down some massive slide to some deeper, darker place. It's as if you're on a roller coaster into the unknown...

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

quote:

"Wheeeeeeee!" Abbey yells. Her hair flies out behind her as you zoom faster and faster down the spiraling slide.

The force of the wind in Kip's face pulls his cheeks back in a permanent smile. Faster and faster you go. Around and around. "Wheeeee!" changes to "Whoa!" You're starting to feel sick. You wonder if this ride will ever end!

You try to keep your chin against your chest so the wind doesn't toss your head back. You try to swallow so you won't throw up. It's almost more than you can take! Then you notice that the spirals are getting tighter. Two more vicious spins and then WHAM! You slam to a stop.

Your head is spinning. Your ears are ringing. Your nose is pressed up against a wall of glass.

"Where are we now?" Kip manages to say. You're not sure you want to know the answer. But above you, you see two buttons. One says HEADS. The other says TALES.

"I guess we've got to choose," you announce.

"I'm not choosing," Kip declares.

"Leave me alone," is all Abbey can say.

You reach into your pocket and pull out a coin.

Flip a coin to help you decide which button to push. If you push HEADS, turn to PAGE 103.

If you push TALES, turn to PAGE 26.

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
2 Parchment Pieces
Three-Faced Clock

Goal Endings: 0.5/1

Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.

Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.

# ? Dec 31, 2017 18:27

MelvinBison: Nov 17, 2012; "Is this the ideal world that you envisioned?"
"I guess you could say that."; Pillbug

Oh gently caress off.
Does the book really call it "Tales?" Because my coin only came up Tails.

# ? Dec 31, 2017 19:00

AceOfFlames: Oct 9, 2012

...this is going to lead to a pun-based death, isn't it?

Anyway, my coin came out Tails so TALES it is.

# ? Dec 31, 2017 20:21

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

This book is like a fever dream. My coin came up Tales . I'm starting to think it's counterfeit.

# ? Dec 31, 2017 20:30

Octatonic: Sep 7, 2010

Y'all, you know you're leading yourselves into a dumb pun trap here. We gotta head this poo poo off before it happens. :colbert:

# ? Dec 31, 2017 20:44

Friend Commuter: Nov 3, 2009; SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.; Smellrose

We really need to head on out of here.

# ? Dec 31, 2017 20:55

VivaLa Eeveelution: Apr 3, 2011

Octatonic posted:

Y'all, you know you're leading yourselves into a dumb pun trap here. We gotta head this poo poo off before it happens.

Capital reasoning.

# ? Dec 31, 2017 23:42

rudecyrus: Nov 6, 2009; fuck you trolls

Unless they're both pun related and no one wins.

# ? Jan 1, 2018 00:41

AweStriker: Oct 6, 2014

Let's try to cut this situation off at the head.

# ? Jan 1, 2018 03:57

Rebonack7: Aug 27, 2015

quote:

Your coin landed on heads, so heads it is. You push the button. The glass wall slides open to a low-ceilinged room. A sign above the door warns you to WATCH YOUR HEAD.

You duck down slightly as you enter a room with rows and rows of shelves lined with heads from medieval times! There are women's heads, men's heads, and even weird heads of beasts.

"How strange!" Abbey gasps.

"They look so real," Kip says. He's pretty scared.

"They're just mannequin heads." You laugh a little nervously. "Probably the museum uses them in exhibits to model old hats and stuff."

"You might be right," Abbey says as she walks along one of the rows of heads. She stops in front of one of them. She smiles. It looks like the head of a queen. "Now here's something I could get into. Check out the diamonds on that tiara. I wouldn't mind modelling that myself!"

What you see next makes your eyes bulge.

"Abbey!" you sputter. "What happened?"

quote:

Where the queen's head was, Abbey's head now rests. On Abbey's neck the queen's head straightens itself and stares right at you! The new Queen Abbey stands peering at the glass door trying to catch her own reflection.

Kip hasn't noticed what's happened to Abbey yet. He's busy making faces at a hideous gargoyle head along the wall. The grotesque, bald, wide-mouthed, bulging-eyed head is the ugliest head in the room.

"A face only a mother could love," Kip jokes, gazing into the monster's beady little eyes. In a flash, the gargoyle head changes places with Kip's!

You watch in stunned amazement as Kip, the Gargoyle, turns on Abbey, the Queen. "Argh!" says Kip.

"Aahhh!" the startled Queen Abbey screams. "Guards! Off with his head! Off with his head!"

A whole row of Royal Guard heads springs to life. The helmeted sentries cry out from their stands, "Save the Queen! Save the Queen!" With one quick motion the whole row of guards' heads tips forward and rolls onto the floor. They regroup into formation and start rolling full force toward Kip! In seconds he'll be buried in heads!

If you use your head to help Kip, turn to PAGE 30.

If you use someone else's head to help Kip, turn to PAGE 11.

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
2 Parchment Pieces
Three-Faced Clock

Goal Endings: 0.5/1

Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.

Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.

# ? Jan 1, 2018 05:55

WrightOfWay: Jul 24, 2010

Our head hasn't done us any good so far, maybe try someone else's

# ? Jan 1, 2018 06:44

rudecyrus: Nov 6, 2009; fuck you trolls

loving called it.

Use our own head.

# ? Jan 1, 2018 07:43

MelvinBison: Nov 17, 2012; "Is this the ideal world that you envisioned?"
"I guess you could say that."; Pillbug

Use someone else's head, hopefully as a battering ram.

# ? Jan 1, 2018 07:55

Friend Commuter: Nov 3, 2009; SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.; Smellrose

Where's the option to not help Kip? gently caress it, grab a head from the rack and fight heads with heads.

# ? Jan 1, 2018 13:26

Rebonack7: Aug 27, 2015

quote:

You can't trust your own head to keep Kip from being buried by a regiment of rolling soldier heads. Instead, you gaze around the room for someone more intelligent. In the farthest corner of the room you spy one lonely head resting on the highest shelf.

Aha, you think. It's on the highest shelf. It probably has the highest IQ.

You dash to the corner. Using the other shelves as steps, you climb until you are even with the highest headstand. Its face is turned away from you. But before you can touch the head to turn it, it starts to turn on its own! It slowly spins and meets you eye to eye.

IT'S THE HEAD OF THE EVIL KNIGHT!!!!!!!!

"AAAAaaahhhh!" you scream in terror as your heads are instantly switched.

It is a bone-chilling scream.

It is the scream of the Knight in Screaming Armor!

And that's YOU!

THE END

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
2 Parchment Pieces
Three-Faced Clock

Goal Endings: 0.5/1

Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.
Switched heads with the Evil Knight.

Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.

Our options posted:

Follow the right pixie.

Try to find our way out of the maze.

Go back into the maze.

Say Abbey comes back right away.

Turn left on the giant bird.

Turn right on the giant bird.

Say we aren't ready to fight the Knight.

Press X to not die.

Fix the green clock face.

Fix the pink clock face.

Push the button that says TALES.

Use your head to help Kip.

# ? Jan 1, 2018 18:27

PZ Smeltzenseltzer: Feb 3, 2008; fortran
~*with style*~

Rebonack7 posted:

Aha, you think. It's on the highest shelf. It probably has the highest IQ.

If this were true, our character�s head would be on a dusty shelf in the basement.

Let�s push TALES.

# ? Jan 1, 2018 19:54

Android Blues: Nov 22, 2008

This book is more like a fever dream where things just don't stop from keep happening for no reason, constantly, than Werewolf Woods' insane cereal troll digression. I think I preferred Werewolf Woods just for the interest factor of how completely inane it was.

Let's use our head to help Kip.

# ? Jan 1, 2018 19:55

AnAnonymousIdiot: Sep 14, 2013

Let's go back into the maze. I have a good feeling about this :v

# ? Jan 1, 2018 21:03

AceOfFlames: Oct 9, 2012

Pink Clock.

Android Blues posted:

This book is more like a fever dream where things just don't stop from keep happening for no reason, constantly, than Werewolf Woods' insane cereal troll digression. I think I preferred Werewolf Woods just for the interest factor of how completely inane it was.

Ditto. Werewolf Woods at least was entertainingly bad. This is just plain bad.

AceOfFlames fucked around with this message at 21:12 on Jan 1, 2018

# ? Jan 1, 2018 21:09

Leraika: Jun 14, 2015; Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.

# ? Jan 1, 2018 23:55

Rebonack7: Aug 27, 2015

quote:

So you think you're good at mazes, huh? Try to get yourself out of this one! Pick up a pencil and try to draw the escape route out of the maze below. Can you do it on your first try?

If you make it through, HOORAY FOR YOU! Face your next challenge on PAGE 75.

If you don't make it through, read your fate on PAGE 65.

Character Sheet posted:

Inventory
Empty

Goal Endings: 0.5/1

Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.
Switched heads with the Evil Knight.

Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 01:23

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 12, 2024 04:54

MelvinBison: Nov 17, 2012; "Is this the ideal world that you envisioned?"
"I guess you could say that."; Pillbug

I started at the exit and worked my way back, but I did it.

# ? Jan 2, 2018 01:31

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Schroedinger's Quantum Bullshit: The Give Yourself Goosebumps Megathread

«‹›145 »