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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 12, 2024 09:35
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- Octatonic
- Sep 7, 2010
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It's time
Only registered members can see post attachments!
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Jan 7, 2018 00:47
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- Epicmissingno
- Jul 1, 2017
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Thank gooness we all get along so well!
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Now it's Reyn green time!
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Jan 7, 2018 01:15
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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Didn't they do a time stop ending in werewolf woods too?
Can't bold because on phone but why not green
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Jan 7, 2018 02:05
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- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
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fuck you trolls
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Green clock
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Jan 7, 2018 02:18
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- Epicmissingno
- Jul 1, 2017
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Thank gooness we all get along so well!
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Do we know that this and Werewolf Woods have the same writer, or is that just conjecture based on the fact that they're both awful? It could well be possible that there are two terrible ghostwriters working on these books, or maybe more.
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Jan 7, 2018 04:42
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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It's the end, and the beginning, of ZA WARUDO. How long can you move in the stopped time?
Use the green clock face.
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Jan 7, 2018 05:20
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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If it's the ending I'm thinking of, not exactly. Pressing the "Stop" button on the elevator just stopped the story... which, of course, makes no actual sense in-story, but whatever.
Green
Yeah, that was the one I was thinking of. CLOSE ENOUGH.
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Jan 7, 2018 07:47
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- Epicurius
- Apr 10, 2010
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College Slice
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If it's the ending I'm thinking of, not exactly. Pressing the "Stop" button on the elevator just stopped the story... which, of course, makes no actual sense in-story, but whatever.
I wish there were something that stopped this story.
Green
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Jan 7, 2018 18:58
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
The hands on the silvery-green clock move too easily when you turn them backwards. By mistake you turn them right past one o'clock, past midnight, past eleven, ten, nine, eight... In fact, they're turning backward on their own. As the clock hands start to speed around the dial, Kip and Abbey start laughing.
"What's so funny?" you ask.
"Your face is changing!" Abbey giggles and points to Kip. "You're starting to look chubby. Like a chubby little baby!"
"And Abbey's getting shorter!" Kip laughs. "Look at her clothes. They're huge on her!" Now Kip is rolling on the floor laughing. When he tries to stand up, he can't. All he can do is crawl!
With each turn of the clock's hands you, Kip, and Abbey grow younger. "I want my mama!" Abbey sobs. "I want my teddy bear!"
"I want my bottle!" Kip sniffs.
Now they're both crying like two hungry babies. Your mind is racing. You can't take your eyes off of them and the fantastic transformation taking place before you. But when you happen to glance down, what you see horrifies you - two pudgy little hands holding onto a spinning clock dial! You must do something before it's too late! Or too early! Before the clock takes you back to a time before you were born!
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"Waaah! Waaah!" Abbey and Kip are sitting on the floor in a puddle of tears. And you're not feeling too happy yourself!
Your own hands have shrunken down to two pudgy little baby fists. The square clock now weighs a ton. You struggle not to let go. If you lose the clock, it's all over! Or maybe it never began. But the clock's as big as you are, now that you're not as big as you were before!
You rest the clock on the floor and crawl right across the silvery-green face. Your breath is coming in gulps now. It's getting harder to see. Your hands are too weak to do the job they must do, but you're a lot smarter than the average baby.
Using your knees, you crawl forward, pushing the hands of the clock slowly along as you go. As you do, minute by minute, Abbey and Kip gradually return to their normal ages.
As for you, you deserve all the credit. Abbey and Kip should really give you a great big hand! Which is what they do.
Two great big hands scoop down and lift you up.
"Look at the little baby," Abbey coos. "Isn't he cute?"
Oh, no! What's happening! You should all be back to normal, right? But Abbey's rocking you in her enormous arms!
This isn't fair, you think! "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
THE END
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
2 Parchment Pieces
Goal Endings: 0.5/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.
Switched heads with the Evil Knight.
Starved to death while lost in a hedge maze.
Trapped ourselves in stopped time.
 De-aged ourselves into a baby.
Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.
Our options posted:
- Follow the right pixie.
- Go back into the maze.
- Say Abbey comes back right away.
- Turn left on the giant bird.
- Turn right on the giant bird.
- Say we aren't ready to fight the Knight.
- Press X to not die.
- Fix the pink clock face.
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Jan 7, 2018 19:55
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- DreamingofRoses
- Jun 27, 2013
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Nap Ghost
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Goddamnit. Might as well fix the pink clock and close off this path.
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Jan 7, 2018 20:07
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Fix the pink clock.
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Jan 7, 2018 20:13
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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Goddamnit. Might as well fix the pink clock and close off this path.
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Jan 7, 2018 20:33
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
You turn the hands on the hot-pink clock forward - a little bit too far, by accident. Immediately, you feel your joints stiffening. "Hmm, that's strange," you say. And then you hack a big cough.
"What's that you say, Sonny?" a squeaky voice says. It's Kip! But he looks grotesque! He's hunched over and leans closer as he cups his right ear with one hand. "Speak up there, youngster!" he squeaks. He's getting older and older before your very eyes.
"Who are you calling a youngster there, Grandpa?" Abbey cackles. Her face is a mess of wrinkles. You see them forming on her face like worms, doubling and tripling themselves. She looks older than your grandmother. Whoops! Make that your great-grandmother!
"Stop the clock before it's too late!" Kip screeches in an ancient-sounding voice. Your hands are wrinkled and gnarled now. Your fingers can hardly move over the clock face. You sneeze and when you do, an old woman appears before you. It's like she came out of your nose!
"Who summons me with a sneeze?" demands the raggedy old woman. "Was it you, old man?" she asks, whirling around and pointing a crooked, bony finger at you.
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"Who are you?" you ask in a cracking voice.
"I am the Keeper of All Times - I decide whose time has come and whose time is past," the prune-faced woman cries. "You are taking too much of my time. Now I must take away all your time. Wither! Dust to Dust! Be Gone!"
Even as she points her spell-casting finger at you, the skin on your arms turns papery thin with instant age. It hangs from your arms like sheets of wet tissue. You're afraid it will tear! You must stop this curse of aging before you all end up as a pile of dust on the floor.
"Help us?" you cry in your crackly voice.
"Ha!" cackles the old woman. "Help you? After what you have done to me? Wither! Fade! Be Gone!"
"The clock!" Kip whispers. "Use the clock!"
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The clock. You've got to use the clock. But how? No use trying to reverse time while you're under the spell of the Keeper of All Times. Then you notice something strange. Your eyes are getting watery but you can still see it. The old woman is aging too! She's hideously old. Older than you.
You get an idea. Maybe - if you push the clock hands forward - maybe she'll die off first! It's risky. But right now it seems to be your only shot.
Your shaking old hand moves slowly against the hands of the clock. They move forward minute by minute by minute. You are all aging, but the old woman is aging faster. One more minute to go and she will fall to nothingness.
"No!" the woman cries. "No! I'm cracking..."
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5 seconds left. You, Abbey, and Kip lean on each other's tired old bones and watch the wafer-thin-skinned woman withering away. You don't have the strength to look away. 4... 3... 2... 1 second to go. GONE! It's over! The woman is nothing more than a paper-thin piece of parchment on the floor! You have destroyed one more evil force. For the old woman it's
THE END
But for you, there's more to come on PAGE 6.
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The old woman has aged and shriveled up. You act as fast as your withered hand will move.
Using all the strength left in your wretched old bones, you moe the black hands of the hot-pink clock backwards. There is a rushing of wind. It feels like rain against your parched old skin. Slowly you, Abbey, and Kip get younger again. You stare at Abbey's dried-apple face. It puffs and tightens until it is once again fresh and young. Kip and you are both back to your usual selves.
When it's all over, you turn your attention to what's left of the Keeper of All Times. She's nothing but a piece of parchment on the floor. You pick it up and read:
"Time goes by and comes again,
Time stops and goes and stops and then...
It's another clue!" you shout.
"Okay, smarty-pants, then what does it mean?" You can tell Abbey is really curious.
"Well," you think aloud, "the clock on the right turned time backwards. I bet the clock on the left turns time forwards. But what I can't figure out is what this orange clock does..."
From here, the book continues as if we'd examined the orange clock instead of fighting a time-controlling witch who came out of our nose.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
3 Parchment Pieces
Goal Endings: 0.5/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.
Switched heads with the Evil Knight.
Starved to death while lost in a hedge maze.
Trapped ourselves in stopped time.
De-aged ourselves into a baby.
Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.
All Times Low: Gave the Keeper of All Times a taste of her own medicine.
Our options posted:
- Follow the right pixie.
- Go back into the maze.
- Say Abbey comes back right away.
- Turn left on the giant bird.
- Turn right on the giant bird.
- Say we aren't ready to fight the Knight.
- Press X to not die.
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Jan 8, 2018 03:10
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Do the obvious thing that will save us
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Jan 8, 2018 06:50
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- Hemingway To Go!
- Nov 10, 2008
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im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys.
- ernest hemingway
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Is this the first time in this book we have directly and intentionally murdered someone
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Jan 8, 2018 07:05
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
Yes! Now you get it. It's starting to make sense. You know you have to act NOW or you'll either be fried or crushed by the walls. The electrical charge flowing through you is so strong you're lit up like a lightbulb. Or like an X-ray.
You stare down at your hands. You can see your bones! You dare to glance at Kip and Abbey. You scream in horror when you see them. They are electrified skeletons!
With sparks zapping and zzztttzing every second, you pull the other piece of parchment back out of your pocket. These are the clues, you think. There has to be a way to escape!
Before the break of day brings light,
One Good shall fight one Evil Knight.
Beware his deadly charge and feel
That what is NOW is not what's real...
That what is NOW is not what's real. You think harder. That what is NOW is NOT WHAT'S REAL, the words scream in your head. You force yourself to know that what is happening NOW is not real!
quote:
THAT WHAT IS NOW IS NOT WHAT'S REAL! you repeat in your head. Louder! Harder! Concentrate! THAT WHAT IS NOW IS NOT WHAT'S REAL!
Then... a miracle happens.
The shrinking room starts getting bigger again. Slowly it returns to normal size. The lightning bolt outlines around each cousin fade to a dim glow and then disappear!
"Just like the Mud Slingers," you declare. "Another trick of our imaginations! This Evil Knight likes to play tricks, I'm afraid."
"You're afraid!" Abbey sputters. She tries to smooth down her flyaway hair. "I'm terrified! I may never get my hair to curl after this!"
As if in response to Abbey's complaint, the only remaining door swings open. By itself. Out comes a voice that makes the blood curdle in your veins. It's the voice of the Evil Knight. And he's whispering your name...
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"He's calling your name!" Abbey warns. "He's after you!"
"ABBEY!" calls the deep and dangerous-sounding voice of the Evil Knight. "KIP!" the voice booms again from somewhere in the next room. He calls your name again.
"COME FORWARD!" the Evil Knight commands. Suddenly you feel a tremendous sense of curiosity. What could this Evil Knight possibly have in mind for you? You feel your feet take a step forward.
"Don't do it. Don't go through that door!" Abbey begs you.
"COME FORWARD!" the Evil Knight orders again.
If you can't resist his command, turn to PAGE 128.
If you take Abbey's advice, turn to PAGE 58.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
2 Parchment Pieces
Goal Endings: 0.5/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.
Switched heads with the Evil Knight.
Starved to death while lost in a hedge maze.
Trapped ourselves in stopped time.
De-aged ourselves into a baby.
Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.
All Times Low: Gave the Keeper of All Times a taste of her own medicine.
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Jan 8, 2018 20:17
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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As much as I hate the idea of another stupid death, I hate the idea of listening to Abbey more
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Jan 8, 2018 20:19
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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DO NOT
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Jan 8, 2018 20:50
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- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
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fuck you trolls
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Do it
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Jan 9, 2018 02:22
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- Snake Maze
- Jul 13, 2016
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3.85 Billion years ago- Having seen the explosion on the moon, the Devil comes to Venus
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Do what the evil knight says, because it's not as if acting logically is any help in this book.
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Jan 9, 2018 03:23
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- Friend Commuter
- Nov 3, 2009
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SO CLEVER I WANT TO FUCK MY OWN BRAIN.
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Smellrose
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Take the advice.
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Jan 9, 2018 14:11
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- PumpkinBat
- Oct 22, 2012
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The Evil Knight commands me!
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Jan 9, 2018 16:48
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
"COME FORWARD!" the Evil Knight repeats from the darkness behind the door. His voice works some evil magic on you. You see black and white spirals spinning before your eyes. You struggle to look away, but you can't. "COME FORWARD! COME FORWARD!" he booms. You are hypnotized by his command.
"No!" Abbey cries. "Cover your ears! Don't listen to him! Don't go in there! I command you!"
But still your feet shuffle forward.
You get a funny feeling as you pass through the doorway. Somehow, you know this room isn't on the official map of the Medieval Museum.
But still, you've just got to see what's in there!
"Stop!" Kip yells as you enter the dark room. "It could be a torture chamber, or filled with hungry beasts! Come back!"
Poor Kip, he could never understand...
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"WELCOME TO MY MUSEUM!" roars the voice of the Evil Knight as you enter the mysterious dark room. "MY VERY OWN MID-EVIL MUSEUM OF EVIL KNIGHT-MARES!" He bursts into laughter at his own joke. His horrifying laughter mocks you. It seems to come from every direction.
You spin around, peering into the darkness for any sign of the Knight. "Where are you?" you shout over the chorus of evil sounds. "Show your face!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" An ear-piercing screech. The Knight in Screaming Armor reminds you who's in charge here. Suddenly you don't feel so curious anymore.
A dim light seems to come from somewhere. Or maybe it's just that your eyes grow accustomed to the dark. But all around you vertical lines seem to emerge from the blackness. They're bars. Iron bars. They're CAGES! But they're not your cage. At least, not yet.
It's a kind of museum exhibit. Or maybe a zoo. A zoo of evil. You shake with terror when you see what's inside all those cages.
quote:
You gasp. All around you, cages hold hideous mutant faces and monstrous shapes. Something about them looks strangely familiar too. Then you realize - the Evil Knight has gathered together all of the most terrifying creatures FROM YOUR OWN WORST NIGHTMARES!
To the right - there behind those bars - looms a hulking purple mound of slime. It has two enormous, watery, yellow eyes and it's sweating snails! They pop out of its skin and crawl toward you! "Oh, gross!" you hear yourself say.
Just to your left is the dark and silent outline of an executioner with a broad, flat ax. Without thinking, you grab your neck. Your eyes grow wider.
There are vampire bats, tarantulas, and a howling werewolf with mucus-slimed fur. Next to the werewolf, cages of scraggly-haired, wart-covered old women reach for you through slime-covered bars.
Scaly-skinned dragons breathe fire at your face when you look in their direction. Hissing vipers hang down from the ceiling and brush against your ears. One wriggling snake drops onto your shoulder.
quote:
You squeal in horror and shiver as the snake's clammy body wriggles down your arm and drops to the floor. Then you notice a familiar-looking piece of parchment speared on one of its poisonous fangs!
You almost can't believe it. You know you have to get to that parchment. Carefully, you reach down. Somehow, you manage to pluck it off without getting bitten. The snake slithers away.
"Hey, look what I found!" you shout and glance around for Kip and Abbey. But you're all alone. Well, not quite alone.
A chorus of hideous snarls, moans, and cackles answers you. You try to ignore it and read what's on the parchment. But it's much too dark.
You need more light.
quote:
The only light bright enough to read by is the firelight of the dragons' breath. You inch yourself closer to that cage and hold out the jagged-edged piece of parchment.
But just as you are ready to start reading, one of the dragons exhales a long ribbon of flame. The fire touches the parchment. It bursts into flame in your hands.
You throw the paper to the ground. Just before the scrap turns to ashes you get one good look at it. You think it said:
When Evil fights and Good defends
The curse of Screaming Armor ends.
"That sounds familiar," you say to yourself.
You remember what Kip told you about the curse: "The Evil Knight will destroy all that is good, unless a brave and noble Saxton can defeat it. It has to be a Saxton." Looking around the room you know one thing for sure. The only good thing around here is YOU.
You also happen to be a Saxton.
Can you handle this much evil on your own?
If you want to try it alone, turn to PAGE 40.
If you need help from your cousins, turn to PAGE 84.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
2 Parchment Pieces
Goal Endings: 0.5/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.
Switched heads with the Evil Knight.
Starved to death while lost in a hedge maze.
Trapped ourselves in stopped time.
De-aged ourselves into a baby.
Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.
All Times Low: Gave the Keeper of All Times a taste of her own medicine.
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Jan 10, 2018 00:52
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- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
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fuck you trolls
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Our nightmares are pretty lame.
Go it alone
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Jan 10, 2018 01:43
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- VivaLa Eeveelution
- Apr 3, 2011
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Help me, cousins! We'll go bowling later, okay?
...I just wanna see if a 'power of family'-type moral has been squeezed into this alleged book.
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Jan 10, 2018 02:27
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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100% Solo Run
I love the idea of this doofy evil knight setting up a museum.
quote:"WELCOME TO MY MUSEUM! MY VERY OWN MID-EVIL MUSEUM OF EVIL KNIGHT-MARES!"
What a badass.
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Jan 10, 2018 04:32
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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It's all me.
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Jan 10, 2018 07:08
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- Graylien
- Aug 12, 2013
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Is that big purple slime a reference to that goosebumps book with the camp, where kids mysteriously vanish and it turns out they're getting taken to wash a slime monster? Camp Jellyjam I think the name was.
Also, because I'm a pedantic little poo poo, I'll point out that a poisonous snake biting you wouldn't do much, you mean 'venomous' ghost writer.
And let's go for it, we must be nearing the end now.
Graylien fucked around with this message at 16:48 on Mar 6, 2019
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Jan 10, 2018 12:31
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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Is that big purple slime a reference to that goosebumps book with the camp, where kids mysteriously vanish and it turns out they're getting taken to wash a slime monster? Camp Jellyjam I think the name as.
Yes, that's King Jellyjam, and this isn't his only cameo in this series.
quote:
You decide you have to face the Knight in Screaming Armor one-on-one. If Kip and Abbey join you in this evil exhibit hall, you may all come to a terrible end. And these are, after all, your nightmares.
Just as you decide not to call them, you hear Kip's voice from the doorway. "Don't come in!" you shout back. "You were right. This place is a torture chamber!"
Before you can stop them, Kip and Abbey pass through the doorway and into the hall of horrors. "Stop!" you warn them. But it's too late. They're in.
quote:
"WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM!" The Evil Knight roars as Kip and Abbey step into the darkness.
"Go back!" you shout to your cousins. "I found the last piece of the puzzle. It said, 'When Evil fights and Good defends, the curse of Screaming Armor ends.' But it's no use. There's too much evil in this place. Go back!"
"We can't go back!" Kip shouts. "The door closed behind us."
"We can't win!" you yell. "Without Sir Edmund's armor we don't have a chance!"
"We have to earn the armor!" Kip cries. "We have to show that we are brave enough to wear the armor of a knight. That's the way the curse is written!"
You know Kip is right. Only the bravest become knights. And you don't know about Kip and Abbey, but you aren't feeling too brave at the moment.
quote:
You look at Abbey and are amazed to see her boldly batting at some hanging snakes. She's pretty brave, you think.
"Get away from my hair!" she yells as she knocks another snake to the ground. Then she misses one. It drops onto her shoulder and starts to wrap itself around her head!
"Aaahh!" Abbey cries. "Help me!" She falls to the floor, pulling at the snake. "Help!" she screams again. "Save me!"
Kip tries to be brave. He runs to help his sister. In his rush, he trips into an open-mouthed steel trap. His left leg is grabbed by the jagged metal teeth of the trap. "Help!" Kip cries. He can't get free to help Abbey. He can't even help himself.
It's all up to you now. Only you have a chance of earning the right to wear the armor of the Good Knight.
quote:
Over your cousins' cries for help, the scraggly old women in cages cackle, "Fight the evil! Earn the armor!"
Bats baring vampire fangs fly down at you from above. You flail your arms at them. The fire of the dragons' breath reaches for you with its flaming fingers. You shield your eyes. You take a deep breath and move toward the steel trap holding Kip's leg.
Before your hand gets close enough to try to free him, a gust of smoke fills the room. Huge puffs of black smoke burn your eyes. "I can't see a thing!" you shout.
You put your hands out in front of you and feel something smooth and metallic. A suit of armor!
You rub the smoke from your eyes and squint. "Yes!" you shout. "It's the armor of the Good Knight!"
You try to open the armor to put it on. It's no use. No amount of tugging will get you into the suit. You haven't earned the right to wear it yet.
"Grab the battle-ax!" Kip cries.
The armor holds a gleaming battle-ax in its glove.
"Please save us," Abbey pleads as she pulls at her snakeskin necklace.
You yank the battle-ax from the steel-gloved hand of the suit of armor. It pulls free!
quote:
All the creatures in the cages are pressed against the bars heckling. The purple one spits snails at you. They crunch under your feet as you walk. The werewolf snarls through his drool. It takes all of your strength to lift the enormous battle-ax.
Then you swing it.
It crashes down on the werewolf's cage like a ton of bricks. There's an explosion. A burst of smoke. And when it all clears, the beast is gone!
You swing the ax again. This time at the dragons. They explode too! One by one they vanish - the bats, the vipers, the wretched hecklers, even the steel trap holding Kip's leg. They all go up in puffs of smoke.
"You've done it!" Abbey shouts happily. "You saved us!"
"Good work, cousin!" Kip adds, patting you on the back. Each pat sends a metal ringing through your ears. You're staring out at your cousins through a metal face mask!
"Hey!" you cry out. "Hey! Hey! Hey!" your voice echoes back. Suddenly, you realize you're not the same kid you were a minute ago. You have confronted all your fears and won! Your bravery has earned you the right to wear the armor of the Good Knight!
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The Good Knight's armor has armed you with more than a battle-ax and shield. It's armed you with courage. This dungeon doesn't scare you. "Show your face, Evil Knight!" you shout bravely. You don't have to wait long.
A giant figure steps out of the sickly yellow light. It is the Evil Knight! He is taller, darker, and more scary than ever. His eyes shoot flames at you. The flames hit your silver armor and heat up on contact. His eyes fire at you again! Sweat pours down your face and neck. Inside the armor barbecue pit you're melting!
The Evil Knight laughs as he raises his sword and swings it hard against your helmet. The vibrations from the metal-on-metal make your whole body shake. The Evil Knight swings again and hits you on the other side of your helmet. You're too stunned to move.
"Fight!" someone screams. It's the Sorceress. The same one who created the Evil Knight and watched him defeat Sir Edmund Saxton. She's been waiting centuries for another showdown. "Fight!" she screams again. "Fight! Fight! Fight!"
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You are dizzy from the heat and the force of the sword against your helmet. The Sorceress's shouts are echoed by the other evil creatures in the dungeon. "Fight! Fight!" they all cry at once.
"They want a fight? I'll give them a fight!" you say.
The Evil Knight raises his sword again and prepares to slash your suit in half. This is the hit that is aimed to destroy you.
You take one heavy step backwards. You raise your battle-ax high over the Evil Knight's black-armored helmet. He swings his steel-bladed sword right at your stomach.
Think fast! With the heavy battle-ax raised over your head, you can't exactly duck! Instead, you pull your stomach back, as far as it will go. You turn yourself into a human question mark.
The mighty blow of the Evil Knight scratches across your armor with a ring. But it doesn't cut you.
You still have the ax raised over your head. You lower it now with all your strength. CRASH! In one swift motion you bring the ax down on the head of your evil enemy.
"AAAaaaaaaahhhh!" the Knight in Screaming Armor screams. But this time he falls to the dungeon floor.
He lies there motionless.
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The Knight in Screaming Armor lies silent at your feet! You can't believe it. It's almost too good to be true. But it is!
You turn to the Sorceress and lift your battle-ax in a salute to her.
Then, THWACK! to your armored back. A powerful blow crushes you to your knees. It sends vibrations ringing through your armor and every one of your bones.
The Evil Knight is not finished with you yet.
The armor you wear is very heavy. But you manage to lift yourself back to your feet. You raise your battle-ax again and wait for the chance to move in.
"WELCOME TO YOUR WORST KNIGHT-MARE!" the Evil Knight bellows at you.
But you've heard that before. If he thinks he's going to scare you away, he's got another thing coming. And, in fact, he does have another thing coming: the sharpened blade of your battle-ax!
It's now or never. While he's still laughing his wicked laugh, you set your feet, swing around in a full circle, and release the battle-ax like a Frisbee. Almost in slow motion, it travels toward his face. It smashes into him in a burst of smoke.
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"AAAaaaahhhh!" the Evil Knight screams again. But this time his screams fade slowly away. Through the smoke you see the heap of black armor shrivel up and turn into... into... a ball of tinfoil on the floor.
From the throne in the corner, the Sorceress cries out, "No! No! All spells are broken! All spells are broken!"
You watch in amazement as her throne disappears. Her Sorceress robes turn to rags. Her face grows older and older even as you watch. The evil creatures around you shrivel and vanish.
The Sorceress is nothing more now than a bent and withered old woman. The iron gate is gone. The darkness in the dungeon starts to lift.
Then, you hear a pounding on the door behind you.
POUND! POUND! POUND! What could it possibly be now?
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Kip and Abbey burst through the door.
"What's happening in here?" Abbey shouts.
"We heard terrible screams!" Kip adds. "Are you okay?"
You sit up. That's right. You sit up, and push the covers aside. You're in BED! Back at HOME! At last!
"It was the Knight in Screaming Armor. We had an awesome battle and I killed him!" you exclaim proudly. "I broke the curse and brought us home!"
"What are you talking about?" Kip asks. "The Knight in Screaming what? Oh, you mean that crazy story my grandfather used to tell? How did you know about that?"
"Kip! Abbey!" you shout. "You have to remember! The Evil Knight was going to destroy all that was good 'unless a brave and noble Saxton could defeat it.' Remember? We traveled to England and fought the Evil Knight!"
"You? Travelled to England?" Abbey says as she flicks her hair. "In your dreams!"
But it wasn't in your dreams. And the proof is on your bedroom floor at Abbey's feet: a small crumpled up scrap of metal. You almost didn't notice it. Except that it's steaming.
Now you know that this story has come to a happy
END
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
2 Parchment Pieces
Goal Endings: 1/1
Bad Endings
Turned into one of the Evil Knight's servants.
Trapped in a wall of mud by the Mud Slingers.
Thrown off a mountain and turned to stone.
Turned into a flower by a three-headed man.
Fused with Kip and Abbey into a three-headed monster.
Forcibly inducted into an order of ghost-monks.
Subjected to the least plausible "dream" ending yet.
Crushed to death while contemplating the nature of time.
Turned into a cuckoo and trapped inside a clock.
Switched heads with the Evil Knight.
Starved to death while lost in a hedge maze.
Trapped ourselves in stopped time.
De-aged ourselves into a baby.
Achievements
Rage from a Page: Wasted time on the most pointless fourth-wall reference ever.
I Meant To Do That: Encountered a total of 100 bad endings.
All Times Low: Gave the Keeper of All Times a taste of her own medicine.
Well, at least this book was kind enough to pull a Sonic '06 and paradox itself out of existence for us.
Next time, we steal a magical book from a supernatural entity, because that worked out so well for us last time.
Rebonack7 fucked around with this message at 02:57 on Jan 11, 2018
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Jan 11, 2018 02:44
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 12, 2024 09:35
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM loving WHAT
gently caress that book. Thank god we're moving on.
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Jan 11, 2018 03:16
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to whoever gets that)
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Jan 6, 2018 14:20
