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 New day! New murder! Imma go gets more ALL BEEF HOTDOGS yo.     Yo guys, I'm back!  We demand freedom! This whole event is unimaginably cruel!  Dammit Big Smoke, I told you to close the door behind you... Please...we have a son... Sorry ladies, but The SAHG Association has strict rules about tributes leaving the field of combat that must be followed, especially after the debacle last season with that office worker and the rat. Only one lives, on this the rules are clear! We already bent to rules to let the two of you compete as a team. Your only chance to survive would have been to make the most of your time and defeat all of the other combatants. We gonna have to roast ya now! (are suddenly electrocuted to death, leaving a smoky, charred mess) It's gonna smell awful in here for awhile, isn't it... drat yo, check that french guy on the monitor here, he at it again! That his fetish or somethin?    Look at the size of the alliance it took to bring down Ross. Did Chandler organize that? Uhh...what Fester up to... I don't care, queue up a replay of Napoleon getting owned!
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Jan 16, 2018 00:39
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Jan 16, 2018 01:29
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I suppose if anyone's going to be an utterly horrible motherfucker, Postal Dude's the one for the job. Also King of All Cosmos noooooo 
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Jan 16, 2018 01:48
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Louis the XIII is the one true king of SAHG
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Jan 16, 2018 03:52
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Video evidence of why Knuckes choked Janice to death. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tyuQrWu1F0
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Jan 16, 2018 04:03
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I can't open youtube at work but is it Uganda Knuckles and a fake queen?
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Jan 16, 2018 04:06
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Gridlocked posted:I can't open youtube at work but is it Uganda Knuckles and a fake queen? It's Janice laughing.
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Jan 16, 2018 04:08
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Westbrook's smug face made that event 100x funnier 
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Jan 16, 2018 06:32
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Louis XIII is the Joker now, right? And only one maniac in a cape can stop him - Cardinal Richelieu!
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Jan 16, 2018 07:43
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   We done in one French king, but least he ain't the cool one! Look at Chandler and the Naked Guy doing those victory laps after their brutal murder of Ross yesterday...they must have really had it in for him!(sorry for the small update today...I'll try to make it up tomorrow!) Polly Toodle fucked around with this message at 08:11 on Jan 17, 2018 |
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Jan 17, 2018 08:00
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Let's thin the herd a bit...   Ha ha, Guy Fieri goin' ta FLAVORTOWN on that flan! And man, Monica and her cousin really have it out for each other. Did she learn that trick from Louis the XIII? I'm really starting to think we shouldn't have let that little penguin girl participate in these very adult oriented games...at least she didn't die in the bird massacre with Leland Palmer.    (EXPLOSION outside the main gate rocks arena. Monitors inside the transmission booth go black.) THE FUDGE WAS THAT!?? Dammit! Some sort of bomb went off...it must have knocked the reception out. Reboot the system! Get those cameras back on line! We need to know what's going on out there...(screen slowly turns back on)  Well, poo poo.
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Jan 18, 2018 06:36
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 "I regret nothing" the Postal Dude says as he dies in a safe.
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Jan 18, 2018 07:07
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the explosion is going to kill 90% of the tributes isn't it
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Jan 18, 2018 07:22
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Monica and her hot cousin really going at it. Hoping it ends in the explosion with one pushing the other to their doom.
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Jan 18, 2018 08:29
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Aw no Leland! Death from poker-inspired violence  Meanwhile, my man Jambi with the all beef hotdogs
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Jan 18, 2018 15:09
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Jan 18, 2018 18:32
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     RECEPTION RESUMES I'm sorry about the interruption- Costco security have successfully fought off the unexpected assault. It seems that Dwight Schrute and Remy, our escapees from previous seasons, have joined forces with the terrorist organization PETA, who are upset over the way some of the animals in the games have been treated, and caused quite a disturbance. They, and their newly escaped allies, are still on the lam and I can assure you that Costco security will seek justice at any costs. Costco security has extended the radius of protection around the arena, to prevent any further escapes, whether from outside or within. Anyway, whats the leftover tributes up ta?  I thought Monica was a professional chef. She must of been doing the old raw egg challenge? It's a good thing Costco isn't currently stocking Tide Pods!
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Jan 20, 2018 22:46
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That was a great and fun arena event. I like that Phoebe was the only one to actually join the protesters. The next day was a loving murder fest. Monica probably ate the eggs because the fat woman inside her trying to get out finnaly took over. She was probably making cookies but binged on the cookie dough.
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Jan 20, 2018 22:55
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Smashmonica eat the eggs.
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Jan 21, 2018 01:05
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Pinky and the Brain joining up with Remy for that rodent alliance.
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Jan 21, 2018 01:08
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RIP Pandyland Fox. You died fighting hold your poo poo together, Lyle
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Jan 21, 2018 01:11
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I'm not sure if taking Uncle Fester was the right thing to do after his chocolate adventure 
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Jan 21, 2018 01:15
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Rescuing Chiyo was probably for the best. Poor thing. That was one hell of an event though, excellent addition!
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Jan 21, 2018 01:27
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The protesters now have means, motive and opportunity for destruction as well as access to some of the greatest and most warped criminal minds of our time. What do you want to do tonight, Remy?  (Brain, Fester and Westbrook seem to share the same stylist and Pinky, Pheobe and Penguin Chiyo share an innocent childlike joy.) They also cut a swathe through the weaker tributes. Louis XIII is surely favourite to reclaim his murder crown, especially if he's teaming up with Knuckles and Monica's Hot Cousin.
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Jan 21, 2018 01:42
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Louis the XIII hasn't killed anyone in a while though. I wonder if he's lost his edge?
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Jan 21, 2018 03:50
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  Chandler must have been pretty lonely at that feast. Dang yo, that hot chick wuz pretty dang dumb ta think that Forklift thing would work again lol. Should we credit King Louis the XIII with Lyle's death? Was he playing the long game with that puddle? Uh, guys, can we really show what the Ugly Naked Guy was doing on TV? Well Sheeeeeeeeit, dat sure is a lot of drug abuse... And with that, we're all out of Friends! That may not be true...is the spirit of the Ugly Naked Guy possessing Guy Fieri? Could that "accident" this morning have been a dark arts ritual to inhabit another body? I'm starting to worry...
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Jan 21, 2018 06:34
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Sigh. Well, I think that was the furthest one of my tributes has ever made it.
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Jan 21, 2018 06:47
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Gary Coleman cleary hoarded the Postal Dude's "health" pipes for this occasion 
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Jan 21, 2018 06:53
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Ugly naked guy will go down in history as the only man to attempt the prolapsed intestines auto-asphyxiation 
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Jan 21, 2018 15:03
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drat, Jambi is out.
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Jan 21, 2018 15:55
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I read both of these threads in a single night and I've never laughed so hard.
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Jan 21, 2018 16:20
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take it home louis
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Jan 21, 2018 20:28
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limp_cheese posted:Louis the XIII hasn't killed anyone in a while though. I wonder if he's lost his edge? Lost his edge? Pfft!  Oh.  Very well Harriott, but know that if you come at the king then you better not miss.
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Jan 21, 2018 21:51
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Doubtful Guest posted:
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Jan 22, 2018 01:59
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Doubtful Guest posted:
It's pretty obvious what Harriott's really up to here: 
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Jan 22, 2018 05:13
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(A mysterious cloud opens above the vat of chocolate in the bakery) Mekaleka Hi, Meka Hiney HO! Mekaleka Hi, Meka Hiney Hiney HO!(UNCLE FESTER emerges from the vat of Chocolate, then steps aside, followed by RUSSELL WESTBROOK. They quickly look around, and, seeing the area is clear, give a hand signal into the portal. A white van with a large bomb strapped to it starts to emerge from the portal, shattering the vat)   Keep your wits about you everyone, we won't have a lot of time to pull this off and we need to try to save as many tributes as are willing before we detonate. Brain, are you sure the payload will be sufficient?  I have calibrated the payload to level the store. There will be no collateral damage and this vile tournament will end forever. Good luck everybody! I'll hold the gate open from the other side! Westbrook and I will guard it on this side. Those SAHG bozos didn't know I was a trojan tribute! Once I completed the ritual hidden here in the chocolate their doom was sealed! Next time they'll think twice before messing with the Adams family! Don't get overconfident people, Dwight, Fester, and I have been planning this for months and we have to follow the plan to the letter! The diversion yesterday should have caused them to redouble their efforts to protect the outside of the arena, but they never expected we'd be able to use the dark magics of the Adams family to strike from within! Security inside the store will be light, but some of the more glory hungry tributes may still try to oppose us! If they do, Remy and I will make short work of them. Phoebe, Pinky, get that van to the detonation point in the dairy section! FOR BRITNEY! Narf! Egads Brain, we're gonna make a big kerpowie! Ha ha! This is so much fun! Hurry back! We're gonna make the Chicago fire look like a backyard cookout!  What the @#$%@$# is going on down there? The..there's a van screaming down the aisle! And it's blaring... Britney Spears music? Is....is that Phoebe driving it!? poo poo! Look at the bakery cam! Dwight and Remy are gutting Gary Coleman! How in the world did they get in here!? Security! Get security on this now! #$%^#%$ bro, they all outside! They gotta ^ %&*(^& missile on that van! They've parked the van inside the dairy freezer room...look, Phoebe is running away from it now and...is that Pinky she's carrying! And...Knuckles and Ainsley Harriott are running with her? Dwight and Remy are cutting Mickey and Santa up...and is that King Louis the XIII helping? Oh my god, he's pouring tomato juice all over the bodies! This is for my brudda Gomez you bozos! AAAAAAAH! (Falls to the ground, in flames) (Dives to the ground) AW SHEEEEEIIT I OUTTA HERE (sprints away as room explodes, is nearly knocked to the ground by a fast moving object) D..D..Doomguy!? .... Ugh...Doomguy, we're so glad to see you! Help us out of here! (slowly raises weapon at commentators) D..Doomguy! I thought you only killed demons!? That is correct.(gunfire erupts)  Welcome back everybody! I'm so glad everybody made it back safely. And I see some new faces! So nice to meet you, your majesty! (snickers) Huh..hey! I don't even like tomato juice! Ha ha, I love our little club! So, what are we gonna do tomorrow night? Zort, I like you, Phoebe! I usually have to ask that! The same thing we do every night, Phoebe. Try to destroy the SAHG!
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Jan 22, 2018 09:03
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 Hello and welcome to channel 6 news! I'm here on the scene of a place all too familiar to me. As most of you know, prior to becoming a world famous newscaster, I successfully participated in the Something Awful Hunger Games! Tonight, a disaster occurred in the arena of the current season, at the hands of a terrorist group led by escaped tributes. I'm here with James Garfield, the current President of the United States, to discuss these events.  Thank you, Mr. Bones. As I am also a former champion of the arena, I can relate to your feelings. I owe my resurrection and now my administration to the SAHG. Following my victory here, a constitutional crisis occurred. After all, I was assassinated before my term was up. But now that I live again, I resumed my duties, kicking the current occupant out of office. So I'm being told that they have pulled the half naked body of Guy Fieri out of the ruins. He was found underneath a large cabinet clutching some sort of small ring. Guy Fieri is being named the champion of season 13 by default! Big Smoke escaped the conflagration just in time, but the whereabouts of Mr. Macdonald and Mr. Tibbs have yet to be determined. No bodies have been found, so we'll hold out hope! If the tragedy tonight wasn't enough, I'm hearing reports that Doomguy, a previous champion no less, has joined the resistance movement! Can you imagine? And if the SAHG didn't have enough problems, the future of their partnership with Costco is being questioned by Costco management. Well, that's the news as we have it! Here are the final scores. Welcome to the winner's suite Guy! I know ta'nite was rough, but things are lookin' up! I'll orda some takeout for ya! Thanks, Big Smoke. A little visit to Flavor Town is just what I need after that ordeal.Well, I'll letcha settle inta your room! Catcha later!(Big smoke closes the door) (Expression leaves Guy's face. He stumbles into the bathroom. He places a strange ring on his finger.) He he..he ha ha ha ha! (Smashes face into bathroom mirror, trickle of blood down his forehead) (Grinning maniacly)  (Fade out) And that's a wrap! Boy, what a wild trip. Half the fun is trying to make a narrative around the insane events. Never planned on the protester event triggering twice in the same game, but there it is (I did remove all of the other ones, so I guess it isn't TOO surprising.) Had a lot of fun with these two seasons, but happy to pass the baton over, assuming EorayMel still wants it! I'll enjoy a bit of a break, ha ha. Polly Toodle fucked around with this message at 09:45 on Jan 22, 2018 |
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Jan 22, 2018 09:32
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normally i would hate doom guy speaking but that payoff was worth it
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Jan 22, 2018 09:50
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Oh god the ending! well played goonsir, well played! 
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Jan 22, 2018 10:35
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Absolutely. Great stuff. The protester attack was brutal. As an idea for the next one we make all the tributes couples or double acts? (Even if power couple of Pinky and the Brain are safely masterminding the resistance.) (I'll submit my own tributes when I'm not phone posting)
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Jan 22, 2018 11:41
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