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I’m perfectly happy with the $3,000. That’s about a month’s worth of expenses (if we ever actually stuck to our loving budget), which seems fairly good to me for our current situation. I’m probably going to stick my Comcast bill or something on the card before I freeze it. Just something small to keep it active. Does the size of the activity matter at all? If not I could just put the Netflix bill due on the same day onto that. $11 or whatever it is now, and I wouldn’t be shifting my bill cycles around.
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Feb 2, 2018 22:41
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Well, I couldn’t convince her to pay the entire thing off, but I paid another $5243.72 to the credit card. That gets it down to 253.27 before this month’s interest hits. I’m not sure exactly how much it will be because of weighted average balance interest (I assume AmEx does that like Capital One does). I do have $60 of stuff from Amazon to return that I spent on the credit card because it was lightning sales on Christmas presents and I didn’t have the money in checking. Hopefully that will cover the interest. We agreed that next paycheck we are going to pay off the rest of the credit card. $253 is the lowest it’s been since maybe June 2013, so while I’m not happy there’s a balance even 2 more weeks, it’s still a huge step. And what didn’t go to the credit card went to our savings for the family reunion. We would also like to be able to go and visit her best friend who moved to Seattle three years ago later in the year, but we have to see how our finances are doing in another few months before we decide on that. Especially with how loving expensive Seattle is. We’ll try to cook most of our meals, but her friend will want to go out drinking at least once. And being from Colorado, we have to try some sushi from somewhere that gets it straight from the fish markets on the shore. TL;DR: Credit card from 5600 Feb 1st to 253 Feb 3rd.
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Feb 3, 2018 17:06
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22 Eargesplitten posted:TL;DR: Credit card from 5600 Feb 1st to 253 Feb 3rd. Well done! Even if it's not completely gone, that's a huge chunk of debt paid off and you're very very close to clearing it soon. 22 Eargesplitten posted:I also am trying really hard to find someplace closer to work we can move. I feel like spending 2.5 hours commuting 5 days a week is really decreasing my quality of life. It’s a lot less time I can spend with my wife, and it’s time I can’t spend exercising. Any luck on this front so far?
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Feb 5, 2018 12:33
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Thanks. It does feel really good knowing that the balance is so low. I’ll feel even better once the payment processes and I can see it on the AmEx page itself. We went and looked at a place yesterday that was unfortunately really bad. The owners do have a different property coming available they mentioned that we might take a look at. It wasn’t their fault the place sucked, it was just the way the building was designed. The new one looks like it would be much better.
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Feb 5, 2018 14:34
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If you do not pay the entire credit card balance you lose the interest free grace period
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Feb 5, 2018 17:24
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Not sure what you mean. I know I’m going to be paying interest this month and next. My understanding working for a credit card company was that you basically paid interest one last time after paying it off (for the interest that accrued over the partial month it had a balance), and then if you paid in full after that you wouldn’t accrue interest. Is that not how it works, or is that not how it works with AmEx specifically, or what? Maybe I should just call their customer service. E: Okay, after reading their page online I see how it works. I’ll take that under consideration. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 21:06 on Feb 5, 2018 |
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Feb 5, 2018 17:48
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JFC. I just got off the phone with my wife. She didn’t realize that I had put $3000 of the dollars I did into the credit card, and she’s mad that I did. She said she hates the idea of spending large lumps of money at once. I asked if she felt any different about investing it rather than spending it, and she said no. I hate how financially illiterate she is. She thinks that as long as I have a good job I should just slowly pay off my debt and be fine. She didn’t understand that a car payment and a car loan are basically the same thing. I really want her to be involved with the finances because I don’t want to be a chauvinistic ‘50s household where the man controls the money and the woman shuts up and does as he says, but we just aren’t on the same page at all. And not to sound arrogant, but I’m pretty sure my idea of pay off debt and invest money is better than her idea of keep debt and stack up money in a savings account making barely anything. I’ve gotten her to agree to talk with her dad as a mediator on this. I’m 90% sure he will be on my side here. Although now that I think about it she’ll probably decide he’s being an rear end in a top hat who won’t listen to her point of view. She said I’m “overly logical” about finances. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 22:54 on Feb 5, 2018 |
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Feb 5, 2018 22:49
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Yeah, there's a reason finances are the number 1 cause of divorce. Financial couples therapy should be a thing. Hmm, maybe I should get into that.
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Feb 5, 2018 22:57
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Huh. I wonder if that’s a thing that exists. Maybe I’ll call my EAP and ask about it. I guess a financial advisor would be kind of like that? Not so much for handling the emotional side of things, though.
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Feb 5, 2018 23:04
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What do you have to gain from being right on this one? Now you can just spend slowly and pay back your debts slowly and just leave a balance of 500 bucks in there as a wife tax. It's worth the 50-70 bucks a year. I mean hell you just admitted you can't gain anything by having her dad as a mediator so just drop it.
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Feb 5, 2018 23:05
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It’s not this one, it’s the entire mindset. She says she sees no difference between spending money and investing money. That’s a gigantic red flag for me. I actually emailed our couples therapist and asked if there is something like a financial couples counselor. I have free access to a financial advisor, but since emotions play such a big part in her financial mindset I don’t think that would help. She needs someone who will speak to the emotional aspects of money. I mean think about it. I want to put 6% of my income into my 401(k) to get full employer matching when practical. That’s $3900 free money every year. The way she’s talking she would object to me spending over $300 a month down the invisible hole (her wording). E: Financial therapy exists, and there’s at least one in our town. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 00:19 on Feb 6, 2018 |
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Feb 5, 2018 23:35
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22 Eargesplitten posted:It’s not this one, it’s the entire mindset. She says she sees no difference between spending money and investing money. That’s a gigantic red flag for me. Is that what she said, or did she say that she doesn't like "spending large lumps of money at once", and also doesn't like the idea of investing large lumps of money at once? From what you posted earlier, my sense was that she isn't comfortable doing anything with "large lumps of money at once", not that she thinks spending=saving. But maybe you're referencing something else that happened.
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Feb 6, 2018 01:55
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You mentioned a couples therapist - are the two of you already in therapy? If you already have a person that you know / trust / like you likely don't need a separate person for just financial stuff. Many financial advisors are also pretty good at dealing with the emotional side of money (and people generally listen better to 'experts' vs. their partners anyway, as frustrating as that can be). If the person is a reasonable fee-only advisor, might be worth going and seeing if she's more amenable to talking to someone who isn't her husband.
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Feb 6, 2018 02:35
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We already are in therapy together on and off (between therapists for individual therapy). That might work. My concern really is finding someone that will listen to the emotional side of things so she won’t just feel like she’s being ignored, while also having some level of authority on finances. After we were terrible with money and savings for so long she made herself become obsessed with getting money into savings. That’s great, but I feel like she’s missing the forest for the trees sometimes. I’ll try to clarify whether she means investing at all or just investing multi-thousand dollar amounts at once. She never learned how to use Mint, so she only sees bank balances. So while I see debt going down by 5000 she only sees the bank balance going down by 5000. Yeah, definitely finding some sort of professional. Talking with her dad seemed like a good idea at the time, but she’s convinced he’s an aspie too, and always feels like autistic people are just plain ignoring her emotions.
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Feb 6, 2018 02:59
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You're going to need to alter her emotional patterns so that she has a similar positive reaction to debt reduction - only just pretend it doesn't sound so sinister. Based on your most recent post you probably need a comprehensive net worth tracker (aka spreadsheet) where you can post up your assets and liabilities and make cool graphs. If you have something where you can show net effects that will probably help. if you want to get all fancy you could do some what if analysis since you know rates of return and help her figure out what the emotional aspect is costing her in real terms. I am "fortunate" in that I am ragingly debt averse so I have basically the opposite problem of your wife - this will be a lot harder when my wife and I have to buy a house.
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Feb 6, 2018 03:06
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I'm not so sure she needs therapy so much as an accounting class. You spend the money when you incur the liability, not when you move cash around to pay it off. You probably need to get her into mint at least to see that net worth doesn't shift when you pay off a CC. KS fucked around with this message at 06:00 on Feb 6, 2018 |
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Feb 6, 2018 05:57
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22 Eargesplitten posted:I really want her to be involved with the finances because I don’t want to be a chauvinistic ‘50s household where the man controls the money and the woman shuts up and does as he says, but we just aren’t on the same page at all.  Sorry to hear that. It sucks to not be on the same page as your other half, especially when it's about important stuff. Does she find it hard to conceptualise debt, i.e. the credit card isn't money? Also, what does her being involved with the finances mean to you? Is it that you want her to help out with the record keeping and reconciling transactions? Having input into setting the budget? Agreeing on your life goals and making a financial plan on how to pay for it?Working this out is really important because in most cases, you'll find that there's always one person in a relationship who manages the finances. These days, it generally falls to the person who is more financially literate. That doesn't mean it always has to mean that they call all the shots. For example, I am the one who manages our household finances but we set our goals together. I draft the budget based on those goals and we agree the final budget together. I track and reconcile most of the expenses but he does some of this as well. At the end of every month, I run all the budget vs actual analysis and how we're tracking in terms of achieving our goals. We review the results and make any adjustments to budget together. Rinse and repeat each month. 22 Eargesplitten posted:She said I’m “overly logical” about finances. This is why salespeople don't use logic for their pitches, they play on your emotions. So yeah, if you want to convince her to get on board, you need to appeal to her emotions. Whether you choose the carrot or the stick depends on your situation and your wife. Example carrot: "Wouldn't a trip to a private island somewhere in the Pacific be nice? I think it'd cost about $XXXXX for a week-long getaway. And hey, you know what, that's exactly how much we paid in interest on our debt in the past year. Just imagine if we didn't have that debt and saved that money instead - we could have bought the plane tickets right now!"
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Feb 6, 2018 14:28
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how long have you been "between therapists"? you seem to enter periods of feeling like absolute poo poo somewhat regularly, and that's not going to stop being a problem if you keep ignoring it.
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Feb 7, 2018 05:28
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Yeah. About a month - month and a half? The last guy I saw just wasn’t working, and when I found out that there’s more to autism therapy than just CBT, I knew I had to find someone who specializes in autistic patients. My wife is going back to her old therapist. She’s amazing, we love her, but she stopped going because that therapist doesn’t work with insurance. We can’t afford to cheap out, though. Our mental health is the biggest problem we face. It could ruin our finances, but more importantly it could end our marriage or one/both of our lives. That’s more important than $80 extra per session, even though it definitely hurts the bank account. We viewed an apartment last weekend that sucked. Viewing another this weekend and seeing if we can take a look at a house that we would need a roommate for, but would be very cheap. The main downside of that one is the yard isn’t fenced, so we would need a lead to put the dog on while she’s outside. I’d also need to check to make sure there’s not some city ordinance against that.
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Feb 7, 2018 17:16
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I know I’m kind of bouncing all over the place with stuff right now. I promise I’m not manic. Would something like Total Money Makeover be good reading for my wife (and possibly me) if she’s willing to read a book by a “financial expert”? I put quotes because I’m not sure if he’s an actual expert or just a popular person who tells people basic poo poo with authority. I know I sound like I’m procrastinating (and maybe I am) but I’m going to put off making a concrete new budget until the IRS calculator is updated for the new tax code so I know what to expect in ~*Trump’s America*~
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Feb 9, 2018 21:14
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I really liked I Will Teach You To Be Rich.
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Feb 10, 2018 17:19
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turing_test posted:I really liked I Will Teach You To Be Rich. This. Sethi's got a lot of free resources to help you get started. Most of them are systems based too so you don't have to consciously think about it once you've got things set up.
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Feb 11, 2018 13:38
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I’ll try to get us reading / working on that then. I just need to find a way to do that without seeming to her like I’m shoving something in her face saying “SEE? SEE HOW THIS SAYS WE SHOULD GET RID OF OUR DEBT TOO?” We’ve agreed that we’ll build our savings back up to $10,000 once the card is completely finished off, and then after that we can focus entirely on debt and investments. We’ve been arguing about what we did or didn’t say or understand or whatever when we discussed plans in the past, so we’ve got this one in clearly in writing. I don’t like it, I would rather be at 5-6k at max, but if I can have the whole credit card now, everything to debt and investment once we hit 10k, and a happy wife, I’ll take it.
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Feb 12, 2018 18:26
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22 Eargesplitten posted:I’ll try to get us reading / working on that then. I just need to find a way to do that without seeming to her like I’m shoving something in her face saying “SEE? SEE HOW THIS SAYS WE SHOULD GET RID OF OUR DEBT TOO?” Remind me what is your total debt and at what rates?
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Feb 12, 2018 20:34
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$260 AmEx 19.25% $516.17 personal loan ~$45 per month until 1/19 (can’t find APR) $680 to mother ~$5400 student debt collections $50 unknown debt in collections on report $500 unknown debt in collections on report. $3402 car loan 5.45% Student Loans: $5263 3.4% $5188 4.29% $4375 4.66% $7753 6.8% Let me know if that’s hard to read, trying to do this quick on a phone. Looks like all in that’s $34,387?
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Feb 12, 2018 23:13
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22 Eargesplitten posted:$260 AmEx 19.25% How much is it going to cost you to save 10,000 dollars?
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Feb 13, 2018 00:59
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Good question. It seems like it would depend on how long it would take to save $10k. Right now we’re at almost $8k. Next paycheck I’m paying the rest of the CC. Then I’m setting some of my direct deposit to savings. Depending on how much my paycheck is after I adjust for the new tax plan, I want to put more than one paycheck into savings in March since that’s a three payday month. That gets me up to almost 10k before my wife’s income. My big concern is saving up again after the move. That will be another few thousand gone. I’m not happy with the 10k, definitely, but she’s obsessed with that number. So it’s a compromise between her emotional attachment to the idea of 10k and my desire to kill debt. Really, I feel like getting the card paid off is a big win. She didn’t see the problem with paying off the card over 7 years and paying $13k in interest while I did it. I’m really in the difficult position of trying to help her be less completely loving stupid financially without seeming condescending, when she doesn’t trust me with finances because I think about it too logically. I feel like if she wanted to spend this money rather than save it into a 1% interest account everyone would be saying  I mean, I know how terrible I am with money, but at least I know what I should be doing. And I can’t say it’s advice from on here, because she thinks this forum is a bunch of assholes. And, I mean, she isn’t wrong. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 03:44 on Feb 13, 2018 |
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Feb 13, 2018 03:41
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$10k is fine to have as an emergency fund if that's what she's comfortable with. And considering you wasted $3k on a totaled car that you are going to try and fix yourself despite not having the skills, I don't think you are really in a position to be condescending to her just because she want a bigger e-fund than you do. How much money are you wasting by having a broken PoS car sitting around instead of paying off $3000 more of debt? If I were you I would do a monthly report that included total debt / total interest paid / total principal paid / savings interest earned / etc. Maybe seeing that for a few months would make her start to want to be debt free too.
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Feb 13, 2018 04:39
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Wait, is that what everyone thinks? The car was $260, $3k is what I kept. Actually $3200, my neighbor is letting me fix his computer in trade for the tow. That's most of what I used to pay off the CC. I mean, I'll admit it wasn't the optimal use of my money, but I wouldn't have bought it back if it was even 1k, let alone 3. If it was 3k I would have bought some bitcoin. It's not specifically the 10k E-fund, it's the fact that she generally thinks that debt is "normal." I'm trying to convince her that just because it's normal doesn't mean it's good. Actually, Droo, you made a post talking about building a small E-fund, paying off the high interest debt and then building up a bigger E-fund a page or two ago. That's what tipped me over onto the side of a $10k cushion being okay. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 05:19 on Feb 13, 2018 |
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Feb 13, 2018 05:17
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22 Eargesplitten posted:Wait, is that what everyone thinks? The car was $260, $3k is what I kept. Actually $3200, my neighbor is letting me fix his computer in trade for the tow. That's most of what I used to pay off the CC. I mean, I'll admit it wasn't the optimal use of my money, but I wouldn't have bought it back if it was even 1k, let alone 3. Yes sorry, that is what I thought but now I see what you mean. I originally read it as you paid $3035 to have it towed to your house and keep it.
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Feb 13, 2018 05:36
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Can you give an estimate range to how much it will cost to save to 10k? Assuming everything goes right and assuming everything goes wrong
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Feb 13, 2018 06:23
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While I agree with everyone else that you're undoubtedly better off throwing more money at debt after building up a smaller emergency fund, I do think that if having the $10k gets your wife on board with paying down the rest of your debt instead of letting it roll, that's a solid step in the right direction. I'm not sure the alternative is "$6k emergency fund and pay down high-interest debt", it could be "$6k emergency fund and wife gets mad and racks up more debt because she doesn't feel like you value her opinion". Hopefully doing some reading together will get her more on board with the numbers instead of the emotions and she'll come around.
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Feb 13, 2018 09:55
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Veskit posted:Can you give an estimate range to how much it will cost to save to 10k? Assuming everything goes right and assuming everything goes wrong Everything goes wrong, I make minimum payments on everything forever because we start spending all of our money forever like before. Best case, I’m not sure how to calculate that between compounding interest and minimum payments. Running up more debt isn’t the other option, she doesn’t have a credit card and isn’t an authorized user on mine. The other option is constantly fighting about what to do with the money.
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Feb 13, 2018 18:30
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22 Eargesplitten posted:Best case, I’m not sure how to calculate that between compounding interest and minimum payments. Once your credit card is paid off all your debt is between like 4% and 7% - so you are paying $400 to $700 per year to have the E-Fund, but presumably it's in a 1.5% savings account so you are really only paying 2.5-5.5% per year, or $250 to $550 per year or $20 to $45 per month. Before anyone whines about me forgetting taxes, their tax rate is low and most of the debt is student loans which are above the line adjustments so it nets out anyway.
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Feb 13, 2018 18:35
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Thanks, Droo. If the forum had a finger guns smiley I’d use it right now. Uh... apparently I need to switch banks for most of my savings. I thought it was 1% but just double checked. I was off by an order of magnitude. .1%  $2,000 of it is at 3.25%. I wonder if I could open a bunch more of those, they’re 3.25% up to $2k in the account. I’ll probably just shut down everything but that one and one other for simplicity and flexibility over time. If I had $7,000 in a 1.5% account, $1,000 in a poo poo account at my current bank, and $2,000 at 3.25% that comes out to $170 per year, which is a little bit ahead of everything at 1.5%. Or if I did five of the reverse tier accounts (which it seems like they wouldn’t do) it would be close to $325 depending on whether and how much one gets dipped into. I need to see what kind of fees there are for between-bank transfers. I’ll look for a good savings account. E: good news on the housing front. My wife was talking to a friend, and it turns out he needs a place to stay. He’s trans, so people keep ditching him when they find that out. We know him, we like him, and he can help us afford a place closer to work. He’ll also be there to help my wife feel less isolated on days he’s not working. 22 Eargesplitten fucked around with this message at 19:17 on Feb 13, 2018 |
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Feb 13, 2018 19:05
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I wouldn't bother trying to stack gimmick 3% accounts, that sounds like an annoying hassle. GS Bank (which is now called Marco or something stupid), Barclay's US, and Ally all seem about the same for online savings accounts. I personally use Barclay's and they are fine, https://www.banking.barclaysus.com/index.html.
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Feb 13, 2018 19:23
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Seconded, the extra under a hundred bucks a year is not a good hourly wage when you think about the time required to open, manage, and do tax paper work for the second (third, fourth, etc) account. I use Ally and like them, but they're all pretty much the same.
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Feb 13, 2018 19:37
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I had forgotten each savings account comes with its own form. Yeah, consolidating accounts. My wife has been opening up new ones on a whim, we’ve got 4 or 5 at this point. That’s a lot of paperwork. Looks like there’s at least one at 1.55% with free check deposits and withdrawals. I’ll keep looking.
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Feb 13, 2018 20:27
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Right. How much does it cost to save 10k?
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Feb 13, 2018 20:59
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According to Droo, between $20 and $45 dollars per month. The total is unknown because the length of time to save it is unknown.
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Feb 13, 2018 21:01
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