Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

He sounds fine

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

He sounds fine

Inescapable Duck posted:

The ausgbs thread in question later got sent to the next dimension after an incident involving Caredresser celebrating how he's going to get laid after checking a mental patient with pierced nipples out of the hospital

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

He sounds fine

Caredresser posted:

"I'll update you on how the sex was."

Carth Dookie posted:

"Spoiler alert: legally dubious and morally indefensible. ... [stuff that I can't remember] ... And when you go for her tits, the taste in your mouth isn't from the piercings. It's shame."

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Someone I knew in college got his hands on some liquid nitrogen and one of the cats they use for dissections.

That was gross when it melted.

theflyingexecutive posted:

I fuckin hate circling the joke, it’s so much worse when the circle is lovely

ChesterJT posted:

Collateral Damage posted:

Doctor Bishop posted:

No, the underage girl was from the first instance of Caredresser outing himself as a sexual predator.

Anyways, here's a half-assed memory version of a funny quote from Caredresser's abortive sexcapade.



Wish I had saved the actual quote, but the thread was such a buffet of amazing takedowns at that point that I just kept on reading. And then it was gone. drat.

Choco1980 posted:

100% of my knowledge of the Aus threads comes secondhand from threads like this, but my impression is that if being a gross dumb goon was like, the Boston Marathon or something, most of us would be the midlife crisis people just trying to prove we can finish, while the Ausgoons are the handful of runners from places like Senegal trying to break World Records.

theflyingorc posted:

Just wanna say how obvious Todd Rogers was at cheating

There's a game where his record was 1,110,500 on Twin Galaxies' website

The second place record was 142

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

He sounds fine

darthbob88 posted:

He also had the record on Wabbit, where he claimed a high score of 1698, in a game where scores went up in increments of 5, and where you couldn't actually keep playing after hitting 1300, as well as The Legendary Axe, with a score of 99,999,990 when scores only go up by 50 points at a time. Obviously impossible scores that anybody who knew anything about the game should have been able to catch.

Jedit posted:

The Legendary Axe thing isn't necessarily obvious, sometimes scoreboard maxima don't follow the scoring rules. The C64 game Wizball has scoring increments no smaller than 10, but the maximum possible score is 999,999.

darthbob88 posted:

Yeah, but from that article, the max on The Legendary Axe is 99,999,999, so he managed to get an impossible score that isn't the maximum.

Grand Prize Winner posted:

Are [Gibson] actually in dire straits or are they just making funny-colored guitars now?

Pondex posted:

Actual dire straits. They have enormous debts that are due this year afaik, and a micromanaging douche for a CEO.

Neon Noodle posted:

Actual dire straits, their CEO is a lowpoly furniture delivery guy

Triticum Guzzler posted:

its honestly impressive how malignant this site is. like kids came here to download a dvd rip of blade 3 and now theyre heroin addicts with a total cholesterol of 500 somehow

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

I.N.R.I posted:

for sure. i think its because a lot of the mega threads here are basically like how to guides and FAQs on how to climb into a dumpster and cover yourself in the garbage and live there. all of the wholesome forums like the diy+hobby one and creative convention etc get like 15 active viewers

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Triticum Guzzler posted:

this post heartened me so i went to go look at the normal person forums and immediately found a thread where a guy thinks his heater is giving him panic attacks

theflyingorc posted:

also he claims to have gotten 65 million on Centipede, an extremely popular game, where the second place record is 58,078

It's hilarious how he built a cult of personality around himself that dumb lame nerds all couldn't question because then they'd have to admit everything was a lie

Spinster posted:

I.N.R.I posted:
goon: my heater is broken. its sending psychic disturbances to me and disrupting my ability to think creatively. ive had writers block for 2 weeks which 'coincidentally', not, is when my heater started sending crptic messages to me via telepathy or some other method of intercosmic transmission
plumber: whats your hair so long for. its longer than my wifes
goon: its long because im a psychonaut. Im a drug shaman whos spiritually and financially connected to a number of unlicensed laboratories and warehouses along the east coast of china. i wear it in a ponytail and dont get hair cuts because im high on drugs all of the time
plumber: $2000

Absurd Alhazred posted:

When I still had a ponytail, my neighbors once asked: "Hey, no offense, but you kind of look the type: do you have some drugs?"

Inescapable Duck posted:

Well, did you?

elise the great posted:

I don’t loving do uteruses y’all

BUT given the pliability of early fetal bones, decapitation and dismemberment during an extremely premature delivery is not even slightly unbelievable. After a miscarriage, sometimes a D&C is necessary to remove retained fetal and placental... detritus.

Additionally, having recently squeezed a giant baby out of my vadge, I can confirm that there’s a lot of forward-and-backward action during active pushing contractions. I could see Kepler’s scalp during each contraction for over an hour before we finally got him out, but when each contraction eased I couldn’t see anything but a lock of his hair hanging outta my crotch.

Here’s the deal though: at that stage of fetal development, we are talking about less than a pound of baby. The head wouldn’t be likely to fly anywhere— more of a tumble-and-roll situation, although when it comes to dead baby parts that probably feels like a trebuchet launch. Most of the blood would be maternal, and yes, that could fly— the laboring vagina is basically a potato cannon full of wet shreds once there’s no baby in the way.

There would have been very little recognizable as a baby by the time the parts were gathered up. A flying baby head would have been more-or-less crushed by deceleration trauma, and a rolling baby head would be barely recognizable anyway. There was probably a tiny, intact hand or foot in there somewhere, and that’s probably what the parents focused on.

I still believe the Facebook posting aspect though because I’ve had pts demand to take pictures of their post-surgical BMs to share on social media. And honestly, evocative language aside, this story is completely plausible as a tragedy that would have been difficult to prevent from playing out this way.

Not to open a can of worms, but this is actually what partial-birth abortion was supposed to prevent. A baby who can’t survive could be humanely euthanized, dismembered cleanly to preserve its body, and retrieved without the trauma of full delivery so that the grieving mother could have time with her dead child.

boner confessor posted:

all the press secs are going to disintegrate in slow motion because they have an impossible job. you simply cannot make trump look good, he is a bastard. you can have all the talking points in the world and then thirty minutes before go time trump comes out and tweets about how he thinks squirrels are motherfuckers or whatever then you have to field a bunch of pro-squirrel questions

elise the great posted:

I’m gonna go back in and edit in a because if that’s getting quoted in other places it needs a portable warning. poo poo made me queasy writing it.

Yestermoment posted:

That's not funny. That's just loving grisly.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Nah, it's pretty loving funny.