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I don't really have any good stories about myself aside from I frequently and routinely have very smelly farts; it's my thing to just ruin a room. Some people are proud of other goals , mine is to have others warned in advance about my rear end by those who know Also my friend many years ago was weight lifting often and eating egg whites. He is normally gassy anyways but this made thing worse He cracked one off in the hall way that made a guy run outside and puke on the sidewalk Mist have hit the poor guy mid stride right in the lungs He said it reminded him of burning garbage
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Feb 24, 2018 02:17
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| # ? Jun 1, 2024 14:38 |
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My new favorite is to crank one or two out then fluff my jacket like I'm getting comfortable , spreading the smell around
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Feb 24, 2018 02:25
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I do that with my blanket. Also, relevant.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51w_HeMAtzY
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Feb 24, 2018 03:17
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Papa Emeritus III posted:I do that with my blanket. I often sleep with a couple blankets, which usually work to insulate any gas activity when I'm laying down. This is nice because it keeps the room fresh and clean while I sleep. On the other hand, the putrid air just ferments under the blankets all night and it can be pretty rough throwing off the covers when I wake up. Also one of my cats likes to burrow under the blankets and sleep against your legs. I think maybe he's immune to stink because it doesn't matter what you let loose. He will just stay there, all night, never making a sound nor sniff nor movement
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Feb 24, 2018 03:21
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Skypie posted:He will just stay there, all night, never making a sound nor sniff nor movement He probably gets a duster-like buzz from it. Your cat is a huffer man!
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Feb 24, 2018 03:26
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This thread has me giggling like an idiot.
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Feb 24, 2018 03:38
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e90WBOKZ8UI
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Feb 24, 2018 04:37
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Papa Emeritus III posted:He probably gets a duster-like buzz from it. Your cat is a huffer man! He was a victim of hoarding and was rescued along with like 20 other cats so...yeah he's probably broke brained a little. But, he plays fetch and is very affectionate with us
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Feb 24, 2018 04:39
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Skypie posted:He was a victim of hoarding and was rescued along with like 20 other cats so...yeah he's probably broke brained a little. They say smell is the biggest trigger for nostalgia!
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Feb 24, 2018 04:43
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAMRBpjqKvw
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Feb 24, 2018 04:56
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Once I farted and I was like I think I might need to wipe after that and I was right
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Feb 24, 2018 05:36
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The Bloop posted:Once I farted and I was like I think I might need to wipe after that and I was right Otherwise known as a Saturday evening Anyone that has ever worked in an office setting like a call centre , where multiple people rotate through the same cheap rolling chair with that thick fabric seat , will know the stinky pain of making GBS threads your pants routinely Everytime you plop down on that chair a waft of stale but fragrant rear end creeps up to greet you Sometimes it's actually just powdered poop too ! Bonus Blue On Blue fucked around with this message at 08:43 on Feb 24, 2018 |
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Feb 24, 2018 08:41
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Blue On Blue posted:I knew a kid in highschool that had a special talent Was his name Dan? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ODIo7bZZpU
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Feb 24, 2018 16:12
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I feel it's appropriate to post here but I just learned a new way to describe people are full of themselves or arrogant or braggarts: a person who farts too high for his/her own rear end in a top hat
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Feb 24, 2018 21:36
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Papa Emeritus III posted:There was a thread years ago called "things you did as a child and regret/feel bad about" and I swear this story was in there. Or a variation of it. Was it you who posted in there? Either way, I lol'd hard. Yup pretty sure I posted it there 
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Feb 24, 2018 23:22
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Papa Emeritus III posted:Alright. I've done it. I took an afternoon shower and put my cheeks to use. I am swelling with pride. It really does work well.
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Feb 24, 2018 23:24
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Papa Emeritus III posted:Alright. I've done it. I took an afternoon shower and put my cheeks to use. It's......it's beautiful *eyes tear up from joy and also because of the fart smell*
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Feb 25, 2018 02:51
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:I am swelling with pride. It really does work well. Wamdoodle posted:It's......it's beautiful *eyes tear up from joy and also because of the fart smell* Thanks, guys.  Now I'm debating on farting into the headset at work, so I can ear bomb all my co workers. I'd try to get a real nasty hangover too, so I have a loving tropical storm brewing in me. Will post results soon. Gotta get paid so I can go get to'e up. Bloodfart McCoy posted:Yup pretty sure I posted it there Dude, that one had me loving rolling. I remember the notation about how it took a few teachers or staff to get the kid under control and your user name was pretty ironic for the story. lmao. It reminded me of a kid in elementary school that always smelled like he crapped his pants. I don't know if he legit did or if that was the smell of his house. I still wonder what the kid is up to now. Maybe I should respawn that thread, eh?
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Feb 25, 2018 03:35
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when i was ten or eleven, my friend's developmentally challenged younger sister- who would often eat a 12oz block of cheese in one sitting- cut such a vile fart in church that an elderly woman sitting behind her fainted and 911 was called. me and my brother still talk about that with straight-up awe. speaking of my brother, many years ago his wife wanted to go into Marshall's after we'd gone out to eat, so we were just dicking around the housewares section when out of nowhere my brother leaned over and ripped a massive string of staccato farts about two inches from the head of an older Asian woman crouching in the aisle. she kind of squawked with surprise, but we were out of their so fast that i have no idea if she even knew what happened. around that same time, the three of us had gone to visit my aunt and uncle for some holiday meal that featured a slightly-undercooked turkey. needless to say, the 1.5 hour ride back was really rough on my sister-in-law and she was feeling really nauseous by the time we got back to their place. unfortunately for her, that's when my brother really hit his stride, and it didn't take long before their entire place smelled like death. at one point she went to change and, upon coming back to where we were, said that she might throw up unless she could find a place that didn't smell like farts. i joked that it probably didn't smell under the dining room table since it was draped with an oversized tablecloth, so i walked over there, pulled the cloth back... and concentrated fart started leaking out everywhere. she immediately began dry-heaving and barely made it to the toilet before she started puking. the other night around one am my lady came into our room and was getting ready for bed. she didn't realize i was awake, so i waited until she was right by the foot of my side of the bed and let off a huge, loud fart that scared her enough that she jumped and almost knocked all the poo poo off the top of her dresser. the next night a similar scene played out, except i waited until she was actually in bed. both times i think we laughed ourselves to sleep
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Feb 25, 2018 04:51
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1. When I was about 10 I was on vacation with my parents and my cousins. My cousin Scott was just a few months older than I was, and we were notorious for leaving trails of devastation in our wake. At this point, we'd been torturing the family for about 3 days so everyone was pretty tired of it but it only made it more funny for us. We'd just finished a cave tour and were standing in the gift shop listening to the last of the tour guide's presentation when a trumpeting sound erupted from just behind us. Before we could even start giggling, my mom turns around and shot us a look that could melt solid stone. Of course she thought it was one of us, because obviously.... Just then a tiny old man sheepishly said "Excuse me." which didn't seem to phase my mom one bit. She grabbed us by the arms and drug us out of the building and threw us into the car, then burst into tears laughing along with my dad and my two older cousins. I guess the old guy saw the look we got and didn't want us to pay for his crime. 2. My girlfriend didn't believe that you could store a fart in an airtight container. I brought it up at one point (because we always talked about strangest things) and she refused to believe me. So, one night when I had particularly rancid gas we made the bet. I sealed one into one of those ziplock storage containers and bet her $20 that it would still be potent after two weeks. The time goes by and when it's time to open the container I let her do the honors. I expected her just to crack it a bit and take a little sniff, but she decided to really make a show of proving me wrong. She opened the lid and inhaled as deeply as she could. So much so that I didn't actually smell a bit of what was in there. She took it ALL! I've never heard that same combination of gagging and incoherent screaming in my life, and don't really care to again. I did manage to make out the words "I can feel it in the back of my neck" at one point. It took about 20 minutes for her to stop gagging and crying, but after that, she thought it was hilarious and gladly handed over the money. 3. I developed what I like to call the Kevorkian Hotbox with that same girlfriend. Just like with a regular hotbox, it starts with a nice SBD under the covers. However, it's up to them to "push the button". My favorite technique was to go for a wet willie that was just a bit too obvious. Let her see my finger in my mouth and then go for her ear a bit too dramatically. The reflex reaction is to pull the covers over her head, and with that, the deed is done.
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Feb 25, 2018 05:11
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on Sunday i drank a lot beer, ate a sausage with sauerkraut for lunch and had a bunch of sushi for dinner, so the next morning my gas smelled like a dog farting propane. i stopped at a grocery store on my way to work, cropdusted the hell out of the bulk foods section, and made maybe a two-minute circuit of the store before going to register. as i'm walking up, another employee who was heading into that section stopped, whipped back around to my cashier, and said, "i know what it smells like! it smells like a Burger King!"
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Feb 28, 2018 23:59
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I have noticed the older I get, the more cavalier I’m getting with my farts. Like when I was a kid and in public, farting could only be done outdoors or in a bathroom. These days I find myself farting right at my desk at work. I can only imagine what my habits will be fifty years from now.
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Mar 1, 2018 13:25
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:I have noticed the older I get, the more cavalier I’m getting with my farts. "Mr. McCoy, the other residents are complaining...PLEASE go to the bathroom! "
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Mar 1, 2018 15:19
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funkybottoms posted:as i'm walking up, another employee who was heading into that section stopped, whipped back around to my cashier, and said, "i know what it smells like! it smells like a Burger King!" oh god i'm dying
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Mar 1, 2018 15:46
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Pershing posted:"Mr. McCoy, the other residents are complaining...PLEASE go to the bathroom! " No lie. Sometimes I'll just sit on the toilet at work and fart until I'm empty, for twenty minutes or so.
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Mar 1, 2018 23:26
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:I have noticed the older I get, the more cavalier I’m getting with my farts. Yeah I mean around family and close friends I wouldn't think twice about rumbling one out I used to be a bit more careful around co-workers and the general public, but now I just fumigate an entire room full of people with no shame
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Mar 1, 2018 23:50
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More fart stories please. I, unfortunately, was born without the ability to fart. Missing the gland I think
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Mar 2, 2018 05:19
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:No lie. Sometimes I'll just sit on the toilet at work and fart until I'm empty, for twenty minutes or so. That's bad for your butthole!!
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Mar 2, 2018 05:26
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RaceBannon posted:More fart stories please. Have you tried not pooping for a few days ? Eat lots of hot sauce , coffee , and just really keep your guts on its toes by eating vastly different food everyday for like a week , and buddy you got a fart a brewin
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Mar 2, 2018 05:26
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:I have noticed the older I get, the more cavalier I’m getting I've noticed that this applies to many things as one gets older. I'm sure you've noticed old people who just dgaf. I know a few.
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Mar 2, 2018 18:33
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Hahaha
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Mar 2, 2018 18:54
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Those fuckin briefs
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Mar 2, 2018 19:15
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I had some kind of stomach bug last Friday and for the first time probably since I was 10 or something I poo poo myself. My stomach was roiling and I farted and it wasn't just a fart, it was poo poo. Not huge amounts of it, but enough to be a problem. Thankfully I work remote right now so I was able to sprint to the bathroom. Had to throw out some shorts/underwear though. And then had to cancel the rest of my meetings that day because I had to go poo poo like five times that day and I couldn't be certain I'd be able to make it through a call without making GBS threads myself.
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Mar 2, 2018 19:23
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Maybe it’s because I’ve dealt with IBS for most of my life, but I don’t understand how people can’t tell which ones are a safe bet or which ones require caution. Related story: A few months ago I was having a bad day with my stomach. I was getting into the shower and sneezed so hard that I nearly sharted on the cat, who was rubbing on my leg. He should be grateful for my catlike rear end reflexes that saved him from joining me in the shower with a last second clench.
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Mar 2, 2018 20:29
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At work both sex's toilet's doors open onto a large open plan bit of the office, which also happens to be where all the hot women sit. Every now and then I go into the toilet, go round the corner where the urinals are, and enjoy farting loudly and safely, in the privacy and appropriateness of the men's toilets. It is only a few seconds later that I hear the sound of the door actually closing, and then remember how slowly it closes.
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Mar 2, 2018 20:33
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Some of them are just super hard to tell You'll be like yep this will be a nice solid , dry fart And nope your butt hole sneaks out a bit of poo
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Mar 2, 2018 20:33
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A customer just sharted in my office.
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Mar 2, 2018 20:35
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Malcolm Excellent posted:A customer just sharted in my office. Like on your desk? Floor ?
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Mar 2, 2018 20:44
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handbandit posted:Maybe it’s because I’ve dealt with IBS for most of my life, but I don’t understand how people can’t tell which ones are a safe bet or which ones require caution. I normally can but we all slip up sometimes I guess. And I'm pretty sure mine was related to a stomach bug or maybe something I ate. I was rather surprised when I realized what I had done.
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Mar 2, 2018 20:50
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| # ? Jun 1, 2024 14:38 |
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I did that in my early 20s , was just walking around and went to push one out Didn't even feel sick or any indication of an upset stomach, But as soon as i pushed on the fart a torrent of liquid flowed out. Sometimes you simply have no warning
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Mar 2, 2018 21:34
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