Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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The Butcher: Apr 20, 2005; Well, at least we tried.; Nap Ghost

I've been reading this thread on like a 4 month lag because I can't keep up, and I gotta say it really takes the steam out of all the "world is ending/being invaded a week from now" confessions.

# ? Mar 9, 2018 06:38

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# ? May 18, 2024 13:04

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

The Butcher posted:

I've been reading this thread on like a 4 month lag because I can't keep up, and I gotta say it really takes the steam out of all the "world is ending/being invaded a week from now" confessions.

still waitin for my East Coast impotence~~~

quote:

This is not about me being suicidal, but a friend who was to the point I called the police on him.

Background:

I have a friend who has on-and-off claimed suicidal thoughts to me and several others for nearly a decade. He is a massive alcoholic and this certainly contributes to his depression/social problems/suicidal thoughts.
I use to be his roommate at college and back then our social circle was pretty healthy and he was having fun being a student and not lost in social isolation.

Since then, nearly seven years ago, I moved half way across the country, and he moved into his parents basement and stays there to this day. He lives there even with a full time job and a years worth of salary saved. He is socially isolated because of this and hates most people for one reason or another, but he is a hilarious guy who is smart and still a good friend so I have kept regular communication with him.

Over the years he has referenced suicide a few times, talks about how he needs to move to a new city but never tries, wants a girlfriend but isn't willing to find one online, etc. I try to be uplifting but we all know change only comes from the person's desire to change their situation, not lectures.

A while back an online gaming friend of his brought me into a chat to tell me that my friend had stopped responding after talking suicide and I need to call his parents or something. It eventually settled down as he returned to his phone and replied to us. This is when my level on concern was raised over his actions.

Cut to several months later, the night before Thanksgiving, he tells me again that he wants to kill himself via chat but this time says how he would do it.. a car in the garage blasting music. This is a bigger red flag on potential for going through with it. I joke with him to go on a crazy vacation at least with all his savings first and see what is out there in life beyond his own situation, "whats the point" is his response. He then stops chatting to me for a couple hours, I call his brother who lives even further away than I do and he tells me the parents are out of town for the holiday and he is alone.

I then begin researching what I should do in this situation online, and all signs point to calling emergency. I debate with myself and his brother if I should go through with it, but ultimately decide I should listen to the advice of suicide websites and I call the police on him with his brother on the line as well. The police go to his house but cannot enter and get no response from banging on the door. They then ask for the parents contact info to be granted entry, they call them, and of course his parents concerned and scared as well, allow them to break his car window to get access to the garage and enter.

They take him in for a mental evaluation, he insist he did nothing wrong and is released hours later. His parents cancel their plans and travel back home. He tells me I am a loving idiot and "thanks for the concern I guess but go gently caress yourself, I am done talking to you for awhile".

Beyond one drunken phone call to me where we chat for a couple hours (more like he yells at me drunkenly and I explain myself to him) and a couple "gently caress you pay for the medical bill"(which was 5k before insurance but he never told me what it was after his insurance coverage) he has stopped talking to me. That was closing in on four months ago.

Most all other people told him I wasn't wrong for calling and I was a concerned friend. I have been told this by everyone I know as well. I know what I did risked alienating our friendship but clearly thought it was the right thing to do in the moment (I was buzzed myself if that matters, it was Thanksgiving eve).

I almost feel like his behavior towards me has gone on for too long and I am starting to lean towards him being a childish, grudge-holding fucker that I should not care about anymore, but he has been my good friend for a huge chunk of my life. I kind of feel like I should just cut off any ways for him to contact me and be done with it.

tl;dr: My good friend since high school talked suicide too much and was left alone in his house so I called the police on him to make sure he was ok and he hasn't spoken to me in almost four months because of it. I kind of want to write our friendship off but it's not easy.

Honestly it sounds like he's going through some rough poo poo but you can't save everyone and sometimes it's not worth the energy to try. At least his family cares about him and is aware of his problems; if you need a break from him I think at this point you can take one without guilt.

quote:

Hi all, shut-in goonette here. I was honestly surprised and genuinely touched at the sincere advice given by you all.

I had actually booked a spa day and got a full body massage the day after I submitted my confession. It was amazing, and I have actually started feeling a bit better about myself. Today, I joined a gym. Tomorrow, I�m checking out a local park with many volunteer opportunities.

These were all things I had thought about doing but hadn�t followed through. I�m feeling a little lighter. Hugs and thanks to you all.

Glad you're doing better

(I still stand by my advice though :colbert:

)

# ? Mar 9, 2018 13:57

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Another happy ending, courtesy of the anonymous confessions thread

I don't believe it's real but I appreciate some goon took the time to make the rest of us feel like we accomplished something

# ? Mar 9, 2018 14:11

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

SciFiDownBeat posted:

Another happy ending, courtesy of the anonymous confessions thread

I don't believe it's real but I appreciate some goon took the time to make the rest of us feel like we accomplished something

The proper fake response would be "since hearing the thread's advice I have become an officer in the largest FC on the Balmung server and primarily raid as an Astrologian with Dark Knight as my secondary job"

# ? Mar 9, 2018 14:17

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

loquacius posted:

The proper fake response would be "since hearing the thread's advice I have become an officer in the largest FC on the Balmung server and primarily raid as an Astrologian with Dark Knight as my secondary job"

Do you see the poopsock as being half-empty or half-full?

# ? Mar 9, 2018 14:19

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Good job lonely goon!

# ? Mar 9, 2018 14:32

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Somebody is butthurt that his attention seeking suicide threats caused a negative consequence

# ? Mar 9, 2018 18:21

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

You should always make a call to emergency services when someone makes a suicide threat.
If they�re serious, there�s still a chance they can be saved.
If they�re seeking attention, there�s a good chance that the trouble their little play causes them will make them not pull this poo poo again.
If they�re black, the police will likely suicide them as they wanted.

Contrast that with what happens if you don�t call.
If they were serious, your friend is dead and you did nothing. Everyone will blame you for their death because you sat on your hands when it cost you nothing to send help, you selfish prick.
If they were full of poo poo, they will do it again. Congratulations, you earned yourself a lifetime of 3AM drunken phone calls and suicide threats.
If they were black, well, they�re still black, so you haven�t even helped with that.

So, whatever happens, it�s overwhelmingly better outcomes calling than not calling.

# ? Mar 9, 2018 18:53

Hopper: Dec 28, 2004; BOOING! BOOING!; Grimey Drawer

I wouldn't have expected it but had that happen in my circle of friends around Christmas as well. I woke up to a message that said "take care of my girls" which I had missed because I was ill and asleep when it came late at night.
That poo poo sent me in panic mode and believe me I was super glad somebody else who also got the message called the cops stat.

Said friend is ok, realized what he did and is getting the help he needs. But no matter what he thinks, a lot of people - myself included -are extremely grateful to the guy who decided to call the cops and tell them to break down the door and yes he would pay for it.

Long story short: when in doubt call the cops on suicidal friends.

# ? Mar 9, 2018 19:08

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Anytime anyone calls to say goodbye or suggests suicide it's a cry for help. The couple of my friends that actually killed themselves didn't say word one to anybody and just wrote a note before killing themselves. I actually kicked a door in once to drag one of my roommates out of our fume filled garage. He walked past like 4 of us in the living room and then stuffed towels under the locked door to the garage (he moved a heavy tool bench in front of it too) and left his car running. The only reason any of us knew he was still in there and didn't leave was because one of our friends went out for a cigarette and heard his car was still running. Dude was sitting in there for like an hour.

I got light headed just going in and he threw up immediately when we got him into the air. He's a homeless drug addict now and lives on the Blue Line, so we kind of joke that me saving him ruined his life.

# ? Mar 9, 2018 19:23

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

i had an ex who would do the suicide threat thing. always call the cops or else you're trapped and it's hell.

my ex who texted me pics of her self harming on her arms/wrists after i dumped her (back when picture messages were new and unique so all the adults involved probably overreacted a bit since it seemed so crazy)

i called her mom since i was young had no clue how to handle it and and it turned into a whole thing, apparently her new bf who was her former babysitter turned neighborhood creep and like 36 had been having sex with her and dumped her too so she started self harming

so they go to the cops who are like "well uhhh it;s her word against his so :shrug:

"

at which point the idiot pedo CALLS HER HOUSE and LEAVE A MESSAGE ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE APOLOGIZING.

so they took that to the cops and they immediately got a justice boner for an open and shut case.

# ? Mar 9, 2018 19:51

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Solice Kirsk do you know anyone who isn't a broken mess?

# ? Mar 9, 2018 19:57

soy: Jul 7, 2003; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

I had an extremely ridiculously attractive ex who always called me up and was cutting herself claiming she was going to suicide, I never did anything about it, she never killed herself. Instead she dumped me and hooked up with some DJ and got addicted to meth. That's my story!

# ? Mar 9, 2018 21:11

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

soy posted:

I had an extremely ridiculously attractive ex who always called me up and was cutting herself claiming she was going to suicide, I never did anything about it, she never killed herself. Instead she dumped me and hooked up with some DJ and got addicted to meth. That's my story!

i know this shouldn't make me :lol:

but i read this in the rick and morty butter robot's voice

# ? Mar 9, 2018 21:14

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

SciFiDownBeat posted:

Solice Kirsk do you know anyone who isn't a broken mess?

Do you know people who aren't? If you answer yes, you might want to reconsider. We are all broken messes one way or another.

# ? Mar 9, 2018 21:16

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

SciFiDownBeat posted:

Solice Kirsk do you know anyone who isn't a broken mess?

Yeah, but they don't have as interesting of stories.

# ? Mar 9, 2018 21:20

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

CONFESS THINGS, GODDAMNIT.

I shouldn�t be so attached to this thread.

# ? Mar 12, 2018 08:26

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

burial posted:

CONFESS THINGS, GODDAMNIT.

I shouldn�t be so attached to this thread.

Don't worry, I was away for the weekend but came home to some new feshes!

quote:

I occasionally gently caress around with a professional Santa Claus. We met a few years ago and have gotten together multiple times since. He's real fun and I like him a lot. He likes me a lot. We live in different states but he works the holidays near enough to me that I can usually go see him for a few days of fun.

Buuuuut he's got a serious body odor in his crotch area, and that is a real problem for me. Showers don't make it go away. The first few times we hooked up I could hold my nose but it gets tougher to deal with each time.

I don't know how to bring this up to him. "You know your cock smells, right?" isn't real nice. I don't want to be demanding and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also really don't want to smell that smell again.

Additionally, I don't know what to suggest. Searching around the most common remedy suggested is Listerine (ow) and regular deodorant. There has to be something better. Help?

I'm not sure whether this is more amusing if Santa-hookup anon is a lady with daddy issues or a dude with an intense bear fetish

But anyway you don't seem to be that into him to begin with, he's a seasonal Christmas-themed hookup for you, right? Maybe this isn't worth you charging into the body-odor ring. Just find a new guy who doesn't smell and ask him to put on the hat and beard a couple times every December.

quote:

I�ve convinced my family, who live about 1000 miles away, that I have a fianc�.

In reality I have nothing. I was laid off several months ago and barely leave my house. Nobody�s touched my dick since 2008. And I�ve gained nearly 90 lbs since I last saw my family, so I�m sure they�ll love that.

As long as you don't let this lie for long enough that a visit gets built up around your imaginary girlfriend, this is an easy exit. Tell them she left you some time ago and you've been trying to build up the courage to talk about it but you're not taking it very well and ease into the other poo poo from there.

# ? Mar 12, 2018 20:08

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

loquacius posted:

Don't worry, I was away for the weekend but came home to some new feshes!

Yay! Everything is relatively OK again. :dance:

quote:

As long as you don't let this lie for long enough that a visit gets built up around your imaginary girlfriend, this is an easy exit. Tell them she left you some time ago and you've been trying to build up the courage to talk about it but you're not taking it very well and ease into the other poo poo from there.

I�m a little curious why anon made up this lie in the first place. I hope it isn�t one of those cases of a family judging their kid/sibling by weirdly arbitrary benchmarks of �success� because that�s always sad and definitely doesn�t help anybody that�s struggling actually change poo poo.

The �she left me� idea does work great here, though. It wouldn�t be the first time somebody got dumped, had a hard time dealing with the fallout, and fell into some bad habits food/exercise-wise.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 03:51

Neco: Mar 13, 2005; listen

loquacius posted:

quote:
I just had a weird moment of clarity where I realized that conflict is the only form of social interaction I feel comfortable with. Not really a big or interesting confession, but it's loving me up right now and surprise surprise the guy who cant not argue doesnt have anyone he trusts enough to talk to about this so you nerds get to read it.

Thread title, replace "gently caress" with "fight"

Hi I am from the past, you are lucky that the thread title hasn�t been changed in like 300 pages mister! Ok bye see you when I caught up with 200 more pages

# ? Mar 13, 2018 07:16

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I don't know what honourless p'tagh would accept therapy from a therapist that has not beaten them in battle.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 11:34

Xun: Apr 25, 2010

quote:

I occasionally gently caress around with a professional Santa Claus. We met a few years ago and have gotten together multiple times since. He's real fun and I like him a lot. He likes me a lot. We live in different states but he works the holidays near enough to me that I can usually go see him for a few days of fun.

Buuuuut he's got a serious body odor in his crotch area, and that is a real problem for me. Showers don't make it go away. The first few times we hooked up I could hold my nose but it gets tougher to deal with each time.

I don't know how to bring this up to him. "You know your cock smells, right?" isn't real nice. I don't want to be demanding and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also really don't want to smell that smell again.

Additionally, I don't know what to suggest. Searching around the most common remedy suggested is Listerine (ow) and regular deodorant. There has to be something better. Help?

Sounds like a yeast infection! He should get that looked at

# ? Mar 13, 2018 11:54

Audax: Dec 1, 2005; "LOL U GOT OWNED"

Side effect of all that elf pussy dudes gettin

# ? Mar 13, 2018 12:33

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

He does know where all the naughty girls live.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 13:39

The Mighty Moltres: Dec 21, 2012; Come! We must fly!

quote:

I almost feel like I have to act on these urges because the bitch therapist keeps saying I am being overly dramatic and trying to get a rise out of her. I've thought about just killing her but I want her to know she has the blood of another person on her hands for not taking me seriously.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't therapists have to divulge if someone is planning on hurting themself/others?

# ? Mar 13, 2018 14:40

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I think so. They're not like priests or something.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 14:47

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

If they believe you will hurt yourself or another person they have to report it or they lose their practicing credentials if it turns out to be true.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 15:03

Stickfigure: Sep 4, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

So your therapist is calling you a pussy in a roundabout way.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 15:07

Torquemada: Oct 21, 2010; Drei GlÃ¤ser

The Mighty Moltres posted:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't therapists have to divulge if someone is planning on hurting themself/others?

Tarasoff.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 19:15

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I can travel through time.
It started around the time I went through puberty, 20ish years ago. At first it was just a quick flash, never more that a second or two at a time but these days my trips can last upwards of eight hours. The only problem is that I have no control over when it happens or to what time I will go. It happens with literally no warning, sometimes multiple times per day and sometimes not for months. When I return, I am back to the exact same point when I left.
I don't travel through space, so even though I have existed at the same time as many notable historical figures, I haven't had the opportunity to meet any of them. Nothing comes with me, just my naked self. I've been jailed for public indecency on more than one occasion.
Now for the part I'm sure everyone is waiting for: what the future is like.

-Artificial intelligence grows to the point where it almost seems sentient, but never truly is. No computer, as far as I can tell, is able to surpass the human brain.
-The moon becomes colonized in 45-60 years
-Humankind does not land on Mars until well after Luna colonization, sometime in the 22nd century.
-No trace of extraterrestrial intelligence is ever found.
-In the 24th century, people are alive and happy. Sometime after this, Earth is abandoned. I haven't witnessed the exodus yet, nor do I know the reason for it.
-Nature reclaims the world, animal and plant species continue evolving and thriving without us.
-At some point in time I can't place, the lights of the Luna colony go out.

Keep in mind that I've had to piece together this information from random jumps over many years, and the date can often be difficult to determine. Imagine watching a movie in small, unordered bits at a time while watching small bits of other movies in between those bits, then trying to summarize the plot of the first. I'm sure you understand.

Ok, I'm gonna be That Guy and point out that traveling through time but not through space wouldn't actually work because the earth is constantly hurtling through space at unimaginable speeds

An interesting concept for a short story, just pointing out something you might want to address because nobody ever friggin' does :mad:

quote:

My confession is pretty gross so get ready for it.

We started using our neighbor as a babysitter. She's 16 and kind of an idiot, but we figured she could be trusted with our 6 year old so my wife and I can go out and get the hell away from our kid once a month. We've been doing this for a few months now and nothing odd has ever happened, but last night I woke up at like 4am and saw our bathroom light on and went to check on my wife and she was masturbating on the toilet with her laptop on the counter.

Turns out she's been watching the security cam footage of our teenage neighbor making out with her also teenage boyfriend.

At first I kinda laughed about it because I didn't realize what she was watching, but now it's grossing me the hell out. I'm preparing myself to talk to her about it, but I don't really know how to start the conversation. "We need to talk about what you were doing" is the best I can come up with. Honestly I don't even know where my stance on this is. It's wrong, but I don't know if I should focus on her invasion of our sitter's privacy, her age, or the fact that she knows and trusts us and now maybe she shouldn't. I know for a fact that I'm not having her come sit for us again.

I'm kinda hoping my wife is just getting off on the voyeurism of the whole thing. They at least make porn for that.

It's probably that, but you still need to talk to her about it anyway, I agree it's awkward but doing nothing isn't really morally defensible :shrug:

Think of it this way, if it was you doing it and you got caught you'd probably go to jail a social pariah

# ? Mar 13, 2018 19:23

omnibobb: Dec 3, 2005; Title text'd

Tell me more time travel guy.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 19:30

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

That second one would absolutely crush me. I�m impressed you landed on �talk to her and not have the neighbour babysit� rather than any of the more extreme options.

It�s possible I just spend too much time in the r/relationships thread.

Condolences.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 19:35

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

burial posted:

That second one would absolutely crush me. I�m impressed you landed on �talk to her and not have the neighbour babysit� rather than any of the more extreme options.

It�s possible I just spend too much time in the r/relationships thread.

Condolences.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 19:36

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I think time travel goon should reread Slaughterhouse Five.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 19:45

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Solice Kirsk posted:

I think time travel goon should reread Slaughterhouse Five.

I was actually thinking of making an "unstuck in time" reference there, but yeah as far as I remember Billy Pilgrim could only time-travel through his own life, not the distant past or far future

# ? Mar 13, 2018 19:52

T Bowl: Feb 6, 2006; Shut up DUMMY

I would have a documented record of all that stuff so when the divorce happens you have a better chance of keeping your kid.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 19:52

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

he only thinks he's time travelling, he's actually universe jumping. hence being able to land in the same place, his subconscious is placing him in his alternate self wherever it resides. seriously it's like you people never ate mushrooms and listened to a tool album before :rolleyes:

# ? Mar 13, 2018 19:54

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

loquacius posted:

Well-played, sir. That really IS the answer to every problem.

At least in that thread.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 20:01

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Voyeur wife goon is probably the one who was actually masturbating to the video of the baby sitter.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 20:02

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# ? May 18, 2024 13:04

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I tried reading the r/relationships thread, but it moves so quick no one gets to talk too long about the individual trainwrecks. It's basically like just reading the OP on reddit and then moving on to the next one.

# ? Mar 13, 2018 20:04

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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