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Had yakisoba for lunch and my rear end has been firing off like a loving jet engine since. Just constant big dry blasts that boom out and echo off the walls. It's beautiful.
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Mar 6, 2018 03:13
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 13:18 |
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I like when Major Payne rips one and literally knocks out a ginger child.
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Mar 6, 2018 03:32
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-yStAbViYQ
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Mar 6, 2018 03:34
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no better feeling than drawing a nice warm bath, putting on the soothing sounds of chapo trap house, then farting into that bathwater.
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Mar 6, 2018 03:39
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Hah! "You can't do that.", what a pussy judge.
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Mar 6, 2018 03:41
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Bored posted:My autocorrect keeps trying to change "fart" to "Gary". I don't know why but this made me laugh really hard
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Mar 6, 2018 04:16
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Skypie posted:Ok, Emeritus. Are you ready for this? Let me preface by saying that the insulation in our apartment is great. I never hear our neighbors, it's always quiet. Except the bathroom. I think we have a shared shower wall because occasionally I can faintly hear someone on the other side. Sometimes it's talking, or music or a phone ringing. This is loving beautiful. And hilarious. I woke up my parents by laughing so hard. I'm proud of you.  And YES it's loud as gently caress, ain't it? It's hard to describe the billowing roar it makes. Others must try this. Edit: You just audibly crop dusted your neighbor. I wonder if there's a term for it.. Papa Emeritus III fucked around with this message at 04:22 on Mar 6, 2018 |
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Mar 6, 2018 04:20
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Fart rape #metoo
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Mar 6, 2018 15:37
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My wife loves watching shows like the Crown and Victoria and I always wonder what farts sounded like in a chamber pot. We all know porcelain toilets amplify the sound but I wonder what it would sound like if a small, brass enclosure. I was at a wedding once and a very pregnant women was sitting in the 1st or 2nd row. She either sneezed or shifted slightly and let our a huge fart, which was amplified by the wooden pew (lol, pew). Of course this happened when there was a silent moment in the ceremony.
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Mar 6, 2018 16:20
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Man who farts in church, sits on pew.
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Mar 6, 2018 17:11
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RaceBannon posted:I don't know why but this made me laugh really hard The fart autocorrecting to Gary made me think of this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rd8hYnG2464 Basically, in Fallout 3, you find a vault full of clones of a guy named Gary, and in isolation, their language devolved into just saying ‘Gary’ multiple ways. I thought of that, then one of them farting, and the chorus of confused and disgusted shouts of ‘Ah, Gary!’ E: I dropped an SBD in bed last night, my boyfriend caught a whiff and got up to check the cat’s litter box, thinking he’d dropped a particularly nasty deuce. I tried to play it cool, but I started cracking up once he came back. LadyPictureShow fucked around with this message at 17:31 on Mar 6, 2018 |
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Mar 6, 2018 17:28
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Bunch of us were at a restaurant with wooden benches that ran the lengthy of the wall. Friend let out a massive fart that reverberated down the bench. This little girl at the table next to us turned and gave him the most disgusted mean mugg.
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Mar 6, 2018 17:42
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Maybe I posted this already but who cares, its funny. Guy calls a mechanic about a strange noise his motor is making. Guess what the sound is? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkon-49RVMk&t=24s
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Mar 6, 2018 17:45
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EDIT: ^^^   Bored posted:My autocorrect keeps trying to change "fart" to "Gary". Baba Pooey.
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Mar 6, 2018 18:10
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LadyPictureShow posted:The fart autocorrecting to Gary made me think of this: *sniff sniff* oh my god I need to see what the cat's turds look like
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Mar 6, 2018 18:12
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Cum Galleon posted:I once sharted while using the ticket machine of a metro station in Paris. I was ill and had been letting off toxic clouds all morning (one of those ubiquitous African tat sellers told me to GO FAR AWAY for standing next to his stall and polluting the air), but eventually it all got too much. Overcome with fever, I just let it all out. It was the most revolting smell followed by a hot, hot trickle down my leg. I washed myself off in the train toilet and threw my dirty trousers and underwear out of the train window in a feverish haze. I then went to Brussels, got really drunk and did the exact same thing while walking back to my hotel. I sharted twice during Pineapple Express. My buddy and I got wicked stoned and saw it in theaters. About half way through the movie I farted hard and poo poo myself a little. Went to the bathroom and cleaned up. Nothing major. On the way home I sharted again in the car. We pulled over at a super market, and I waddled in trying on to look like I was clenching a wet turd between my cheeks. It was weird because I wasn’t sick or anything. Maybe my b-hole was just totally loose that night. A couple I actually was really sick with food poisoning. making GBS threads and puking for two days. Twice my fiancé was next to me when I shat myself. I was trying to sleep and I felt a fart, but I just shat. I few hours later I got the courage to fart again, but the same thing happened 
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Mar 6, 2018 19:04
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I was at band practice one night and we were in the garage with door closed and the heater one because it was cold out. I don't know what he ate but our bass player kept ripping vile rear end all night. Finally our guitar player says over the mic, "Jesus Christ Al. If you hate your underwear that much, throw them on the floor and we'll all poo poo on 'em!"
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Mar 6, 2018 19:26
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Bonzo posted:I was at band practice one night and we were in the garage with door closed and the heater one because it was cold out. I don't know what he ate but our bass player kept ripping vile rear end all night. Finally our guitar player says over the mic, "Jesus Christ Al. If you hate your underwear that much, throw them on the floor and we'll all poo poo on 'em!" This is the best 'bad fart' response. Growing up, my grandmother had weird and funny sayings for stuff like that. "Well, wipe your rear end and call that a poo poo!" was one of them that I'm actually laughing at as I type this.
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Mar 6, 2018 20:04
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Kak posted:*sniff sniff* oh my god I need to see what the cat's turds look like Nah man, to scoop the litter box out if it was that heinous. He has one of those ‘litter genie’ dealies.
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Mar 6, 2018 20:06
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Today, my co-worker was talking about how over the weekend, he was hanging with a buddy. His buddy ripped a huge, nasty fart in the car, and it led to my coworker saying "don't ever do that in my car again." He went on to talk about how it's awful to be in an enclosed space when someone farts. As he says this, I realize he's in an enclosed space inside the press so I say "yeah?" then turn around and unleash a 5 second long poot that started as a high pitched whine then ended with a trumpeting PBBBTTT into the cubby.. He was like "oh you motherfucker" and I wouldn't move to let him out and we both cracked up
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Mar 6, 2018 20:25
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:I sharted twice during Pineapple Express. When I watched Pineapple Express at home with my girlfriend at the time I laughed and farted at the same time during the cop car chase scene. I don't think it was THAT funny, but the combination of laughing, farting, then laughing more while trying to say "I farted, I laughed so hard I farted" was enough to make me unable to breathe for a while, so it went from "haha, this is hilarious" to "this is kind of alarming and uncomfortable" pretty quick.
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Mar 6, 2018 20:48
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I was working late one day and had some really, really gross farts that day due to something at lunch. I wanna say it was clam chowder, which is especially bad for me since I'm lactose intolerant but I love the taste enough that I'm willing to suffer for it. I'm in my cube sneaking out these quiet little sliders, about 2 hours after everyone had gone home. They were super gross, like difficult to breathe levels of gross. After about an hour of sitting there being stinky, I get up to leave and realize that a coworker had been quietly working on the other side of the cube wall the whole time, and had definitely been suffering. He was kinda the new guy and we didn't know each other very well, but man I feel bad that someone else had to live with that.
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Mar 6, 2018 21:18
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I knew some people that worked for the local nuclear power plant in my area They said one of the top engineers was walked out by armed security and fired , because he would sit in his office all day ventilating his rear end and just huffing the fumes, like hot boxing his own farts I guess they saw it as more of a mental health issue , for someone that could potentially kill everyone in a 100km radius I guess we are all a little mentally unstable then
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Mar 7, 2018 00:59
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Farting at work is sort of like an art. You have to know how to ease it out, testing to see if it's going to be a problem or not. Sometimes I'll grab my phone and head to the conference room, you know. To make a call.
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Mar 7, 2018 02:34
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Testing your farts, you say? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCtiQTQQ7QA
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Mar 7, 2018 02:35
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Pretty mediocre fart story, but my roommate fell asleep on the couch while we were watching a movie. She tried stretching out in her sleep which means she was kicking me, trying to push me off the couch. When I didn't move, she muttered something and rolled over. Or I thought she muttered something. Then the smell hit me. The couch is now hers.
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Mar 7, 2018 06:17
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For the last 6 months my breakfast has been 2 eggs and a banana. This week I switched to a bowl of Shreddies with cashew milk and my farts sound like the chain saw in the Jackyl song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A52p9jc-gOo&t=98s
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Mar 8, 2018 22:01
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One time me and some friends were drinking at a buddies house. One of my friends got super drunk and went to sleep on the sofa. We were playing cards in the dining room and all he heard was “it’s so warm it’s so warm” over and over. Then we smelled it. Dude poo poo himself on the sofa and was like half awake. We just dumped him in the bathtub and kept drinking.
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Mar 8, 2018 23:07
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Got high with my girlfriend in college, fell out of her bed, our tub of guacamole we were eating spilled everywhere, I farted loudly, her roommate walked in, and I farted multiple times after that while her roommate stood there.
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Mar 8, 2018 23:19
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flick my Mr. Bean posted:Got high with my girlfriend in college, fell out of her bed, our tub of guacamole we were eating spilled everywhere, I farted loudly, her roommate walked in, and I farted multiple times after that while her roommate stood there. excellent
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Mar 9, 2018 09:35
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Once on a road trip with my dad I let one rip, and I don't remember what I did to achieve it, but it was one of the worst farts I ever did. I turned to my dad and said "I apologise in advance." he didn't even manage to ask me for what before the smell hit him and his survival instincts kicked in, the car swerved into the oncoming lane as my dad desperately tried to drive away from the stench. We almost went into a ditch. The worst I ever did though was the day after eating Covent Garden's bacon and 5 bean soup. The fart was so bad my sister almost turned inside out, ever since her internal organs have been traumatised, the slightest hint of my brand of butt gas has her nose blocking up as though desperately trying to keep the bad air out.
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Mar 9, 2018 16:34
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QwertySanchez posted:The worst I ever did though was the day after eating Covent Garden's bacon and 5 bean soup. The fart was so bad my sister almost turned inside out, ever since her internal organs have been traumatised, the slightest hint of my brand of butt gas has her nose blocking up as though desperately trying to keep the bad air out. That’s beautiful.
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Mar 9, 2018 18:19
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QwertySanchez posted:Once on a road trip with my dad I let one rip, and I don't remember what I did to achieve it, but it was one of the worst farts I ever did. I turned to my dad and said "I apologise in advance." he didn't even manage to ask me for what before the smell hit him and his survival instincts kicked in, the car swerved into the oncoming lane as my dad desperately tried to drive away from the stench. We almost went into a ditch.  i can't read this thread in public without looking like some kind of crazy person. I'm grinning like a madman while trying to stifle some gut busting laughter.
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Mar 9, 2018 18:31
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I encountered this today at the country store where I buy my salted deer meat and candy treats... Farting soap dispenser
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Mar 11, 2018 08:57
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Skypie posted:Our cats will fart if you startle them. Usually this happens when you change sleeping position in the night while they're asleep and then the bedroom smells of death My cat's never been much of a farter but once when my girlfriend and I had just started dating she was petting her pretty vigorously and she sharted, then looked up immediately with a look of guilt in her eyes, and bolted under the bed. It was both hilarious and disgusting.
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Mar 11, 2018 09:53
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Grumbletron 4000 posted:I encountered this today at the country store where I buy my salted deer meat and candy treats... The laugh really sells it.
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Mar 11, 2018 15:44
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Jesus Christ posted:My cat's never been much of a farter but once when my girlfriend and I had just started dating she was petting her pretty vigorously and she sharted, then looked up immediately with a look of guilt in her eyes, and bolted under the bed. Your girlfriend sharted and hid under the bed? Well, I guess it was probably pretty embarassing
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Mar 11, 2018 22:06
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can someone please post the link to the last fart megathread i relaly need to read it again
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Mar 16, 2018 09:43
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I was bad this weekend. An old buddy was in town which means I was drinking Friday to Sunday and eating like poo poo. Friday night was pizza and wings. Saturday night was BBQ (lots of beans). Sunday was a double big mac combo. Last night my bowels were crying mercy. I swear one of my farts sounded just like duckjob.wav https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xChQjFbX2AM&t=26s Bonzo fucked around with this message at 16:30 on Mar 20, 2018 |
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Mar 20, 2018 16:03
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 13:18 |
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Oh good. More fart stories. 
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Mar 20, 2018 16:23
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