Let's Read Ready Player One - The Ultimate Showdown as a book

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Mr. Sunshine: May 15, 2008; This is a scrunt that has been in space too long and become a Lunt (Long Scrunt); Fun Shoe

The writing in RPO reminds me of nothing so much as Fifty Shades. The events described in both works could, in themselves, be exciting/tense/erotic etc, but the actual words used to describe them are so unimaginative that it just comes out as "and then this thing happened, and then this happened and...".
Now, in defense(!) of E.L. James, at least she actually describes the events taking place in Fifty Shades, while Cline just tells us it happened post-fact.

What really bugs me is not only the constant nerd-culture references, but the fact that Cline rarely offers up anything more than the name of the thing he's referencing (and sometimes which movie or game it's from). Don't know what the hell a Zenith television looks like, or what a TRS-80 is? Congratulations, you have no way of visually parsing the scene. When Wade enters the Tomb of Horrors, Cline doesn't describe the things he encounters, he just goes "and once I was past the Orb of Annihilation I did..." and if you don't know what the hell an Orb of Annihilation is, you're just poo poo out of luck as a reader.

William Gibson has this style where he writes about some strange, sci-fi thing - but since it's an everyday item to the characters in the story, he doesn't actually describe the thing until details become relevant for the story. Cline's like that, only he fails to realise that's what he's doing.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 22:07

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# ? May 29, 2024 10:14

Old Kentucky Shark: May 25, 2012; If you think you're gonna get sympathy from the shark, well then, you won't.

Mr. Sunshine posted:

The writing in RPO reminds me of nothing so much as Fifty Shades. The events described in both works could, in themselves, be exciting/tense/erotic etc, but the actual words used to describe them are so unimaginative that it just comes out as "and then this thing happened, and then this happened and...".
Now, in defense(!) of E.L. James, at least she actually describes the events taking place in Fifty Shades, while Cline just tells us it happened post-fact.

What really bugs me is not only the constant nerd-culture references, but the fact that Cline rarely offers up anything more than the name of the thing he's referencing (and sometimes which movie or game it's from). Don't know what the hell a Zenith television looks like, or what a TRS-80 is? Congratulations, you have no way of visually parsing the scene. When Wade enters the Tomb of Horrors, Cline doesn't describe the things he encounters, he just goes "and once I was past the Orb of Annihilation I did..." and if you don't know what the hell an Orb of Annihilation is, you're just poo poo out of luck as a reader.

You should try reading Armada, Cline's sophomore book, in which he has to try at every turn to describe things which the audience is not familiar with without having handy 80's references to fall back on.

If you thought his prose was bad in RPO, it's one hundred times worse in Armada.

quote:

William Gibson has this style where he writes about some strange, sci-fi thing - but since it's an everyday item to the characters in the story, he doesn't actually describe the thing until details become relevant for the story. Cline's like that, only he fails to realise that's what he's doing.

William Gibson also has this thing here he can pinpoint the exact perfect ancillary detail the audience needs to sketch in a character and only ever give you that, to the point where he can tell you everything you need to know about a character's personality by describing the branding of their pants or the color of their suit or the way they smoke a cigarette. Or the way that one character's alcoholism is portrayed, not by having them drink excessively, but by the way they constantly orient their POV descriptions around the presence or absence of a bar in a room.

William Gibson is loving amazing, is what I am saying.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 22:25

darthbob88: Oct 13, 2011; YOSPOS

Old Kentucky Shark posted:

You should try reading Armada, Cline's sophomore book, in which he has to try at every turn to describe things which the audience is not familiar with without having handy 80's references to fall back on.

If you thought his prose was bad in RPO, it's one hundred times worse in Armada.

IIRC that includes the line, "I nodded. Not in agreement, but just to indicate that I understood the reference."

# ? Mar 20, 2018 22:49

Hyrax Attack!: Jan 13, 2009; We demand to be taken seriously

Cline sets up a scenario where thousands of players are trying to get into the Tomb of Horrors at once. Players being unable to harm each other directly, combined with the nature of the Tomb's death traps, should be a easy comic scene.

Gunters greasing the floor so Sixers fall into spike pits, players trying to hop the line by leaping into the statue mouth with the sphere of annihilation, players being teleported outside without their clothes or equipment, tons of options. Instead Cline writes it so players are simply standing in line at the DMV, waiting their turn to play Joust.

At the very least the tomb should be randomized each day, to capture the spirit of the original module. Players in the 80s weren't handed copies of the module and asked to describe how they were stepping over each trap.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 23:34

HappyKitty: Jul 11, 2005

Hyrax Attack! posted:

Instead Cline writes it so players are simply standing in line at the DMV, waiting their turn to play Joust.

It may be bad writing, but you can't say it ain't a realistic representation of playing an MMO.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 00:19

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Old Kentucky Shark posted:

William Gibson also has this thing here he can pinpoint the exact perfect ancillary detail the audience needs to sketch in a character and only ever give you that

That was one thing Dickens was very good at, too

# ? Mar 21, 2018 00:47

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Old Kentucky Shark posted:

You should try reading Armada, Cline's sophomore book, in which he has to try at every turn to describe things which the audience is not familiar with without having handy 80's references to fall back on.

Does he actually try to do that? I'm pretty sure he does the exact same thing. "They looked like the drop ships from Avatar or Edge of Tomorrow!"

Suppose that's not an 80s reference, but certainly not him trying to be evocative on his own.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 00:48

Liquid Communism: Mar 9, 2004; коммунизм хранится в яичках

Paingod556 posted:

The PvP restriction only stops physical harm. Mental and psychological harm, however...

I'm still wondering how this works with the Block feature. I mean, you can mute them, but they can still spawn a locker around you?

# ? Mar 21, 2018 00:48

Old Kentucky Shark: May 25, 2012; If you think you're gonna get sympathy from the shark, well then, you won't.

Dienes posted:

Does he actually try to do that? I'm pretty sure he does the exact same thing. "They looked like the drop ships from Avatar or Edge of Tomorrow!"

Oh he does, to a painful extent -- apparently the UN steals all their starship designs from Stanley Kubrick -- but the nature of the novel means that he actually has to try and create characters and alien entities himself, and it's absolutely painful.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 01:08

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Liquid Communism posted:

I'm still wondering how this works with the Block feature. I mean, you can mute them, but they can still spawn a locker around you?

Cline leaves that possibility open, probably unintentionally. We know magic and tech like force fields and weapons work on Ludus even though it�s not a PvP zone. Presumably the schools have additional restrictions, but outside school zones you can do anything you want to gently caress with someone as long as it doesn�t directly cost them HP.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 01:11

Orthodox Rabbit: Jun 2, 2006; This game is perfect for empty-headed dunces that don't like to think much!! Of course, I'm a genius... I wonder why I'm so good at it?!

Liquid Communism posted:

I'm still wondering how this works with the Block feature. I mean, you can mute them, but they can still spawn a locker around you?

I cast Bigby's Locker Shoving Hand at a 5th level spell, allowing it to shove 3 additional nerds.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 03:07

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL: Feb 21, 2006; Holy Moly! DARKSEID IS!

Mr. Sunshine posted:

Now, in defense(!) of E.L. James, at least she actually describes the events taking place in Fifty Shades, while Cline just tells us it happened post-fact.

James has a background in TV production (I think?) so I can see where describing what�s happening presently would come easy to her, but 70% of her text is Twilight and like Meyer from whom she plagiarized she refers to �rich� things in the way Cline refers to the 80s. It�s not as often but it�s there, and hilariously almost none of those things are as rich or exclusive as she pretends them to be.

RPO is out in around a week? I�m aggravated it�s probably going to take money from Pacific Rim: Uprising which even with mixed reviews is still it�s own IP that pays homage to stuff like Giant Robo and Godzilla and has a more diverse cast by comparison. Maybe if we all convince people to see Black Panther just one more time instead....

# ? Mar 21, 2018 03:42

Shark Sandwich: Sep 6, 2010; by R. Guyovich

I feel like dumping a Spielberg movie based off a successful nerd property before blockbuster season means they don�t have a lot of faith in it

# ? Mar 21, 2018 05:15

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

Shark Sandwich posted:

I feel like dumping a Spielberg movie based off a successful nerd property before blockbuster season means they don�t have a lot of faith in it

Hopefully it gets murdered by Black Panther like Tomb Raider did. I doubt it, even with the legs BP has had it probably doesn't quite have the legs for that.

edit: drat, i just checked it out and BP is about to overtake The Last Jedi for the #6 all-time domestic box office record.

https://www.the-numbers.com/box-office-records/domestic/all-movies/cumulative/all-time

# ? Mar 21, 2018 06:33

Mr. Sunshine: May 15, 2008; This is a scrunt that has been in space too long and become a Lunt (Long Scrunt); Fun Shoe

I can also understand Spielberg changing the key quests for the movie, because how the hell would you go about making an exciting scene out of "and then I played Space Invaders for six hours, and then I slavishly re-enacted an entire movie, and then I played Pac-Man"?

# ? Mar 21, 2018 08:41

GEORGE W BUSHI: Jul 1, 2012

BBC review of the movie sounds good but the book somehow had literary critics praising it.

http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20180320-film-review-ready-player-one

# ? Mar 21, 2018 08:53

steinrokkan: Apr 2, 2011; Soiled Meat

From the trailers it looks like the movie may be a very, very loose adaptation that is focused on the adventure escapism aspect of the story rather than on faux nostalgia, so God knows what it's actually like. It may end up being a perfectly unremarkable, adequate action flick, which in this case is surpassing expectations for sure.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 09:54

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL: Feb 21, 2006; Holy Moly! DARKSEID IS!

Again with Pacific Rim but it�s an example of a similar thing from script to screen. The original story was from scriptwriter Travis Beacham but it was Guillermo del Toro who expanded on the script and brought life to the film. Beacham�s novelization and comics have some similar issues as RPO with representation as well (girlfriends for the queer-coded scientist characters, lesbians who die off-screen).

# ? Mar 21, 2018 13:26

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

steinrokkan posted:

From the trailers it looks like the movie may be a very, very loose adaptation that is focused on the adventure escapism aspect of the story rather than on faux nostalgia, so God knows what it's actually like. It may end up being a perfectly unremarkable, adequate action flick, which in this case is surpassing expectations for sure.

https://twitter.com/limbclinic/status/970835851138740231

This tweet is a very loose adaptation that also surpasses expectations for RPO

# ? Mar 21, 2018 21:28

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Oh yeah the next update is where poo poo gets weird and uncomfortable.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 21:40

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

chitoryu12 posted:

Oh yeah the next update is where poo poo gets weird and uncomfortable.

You mean it hasn't already?

# ? Mar 21, 2018 21:47

TheAwfulWaffle: Jun 30, 2013

chitoryu12 posted:

Oh yeah the next update is where poo poo gets weird and uncomfortable.

The horrible sex stuff is going to happen, isn't it?

# ? Mar 21, 2018 22:47

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

quote:

My computer woke me up just before sundown, and I began my daily ritual.

�I�m up!� I shouted at the darkness. In the weeks since Art3mis had dumped me, I�d had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. So I�d disabled my alarm�s snooze feature and instructed the computer to blast �Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go� by Wham! I loathed that song with every fiber of my being, and getting up was the only way to silence it. It wasn�t the most pleasant way to start my day, but it got me moving.

The song cut off, and my haptic chair reshaped and reoriented itself, transforming from a bed back into its chair configuration, lifting me into a sitting position as it did so. The computer began to bring the lights up slowly, allowing my eyes to adjust. No outside light ever penetrated my apartment. The single window had once provided a view of the Columbus skyline, but I�d spray-painted it completely black a few days after I moved in. I�d decided that everything outside the window was a distraction from my quest, so I didn�t need to waste time staring at it. I didn�t want to hear the outside world, either, but I hadn�t been able to improve upon the apartment�s existing soundproofing. So I had to live with the muffled sounds of wind and rain, and of street and air traffic. Even these could be a distraction. At times, I�d slip into a kind of trance, sitting with my eyes closed, oblivious to the passage of time, listening to the sounds of the world outside my room.

I�d made several other modifications to the apartment for the sake of security and convenience. First, I replaced the flimsy door with a new airtight armor-plated vacuum-sealed WarDoor. Whenever I needed something�food, toilet paper, new gear�I ordered it online, and someone brought it right to my door. Deliveries worked like this: First, the scanner mounted outside in the hallway would verify the delivery person�s identity and my computer would confirm they were delivering something I�d actually ordered. Then the outer door would unlock itself and slide open, revealing a steel-reinforced air lock about the size of a shower stall. The delivery person would place the parcel, pizza, or whatever inside the air lock and step back. The outer door would hiss shut and relock itself; then the package would be scanned, X-rayed, and analyzed eight ways from Wednesday. Its contents would be verified and delivery confirmation would be sent. Then I would unlock and open the inner door and receive my goods. Capitalism would inch forward, without my actually having to interact face-to-face with another human being. Which was exactly how I preferred it, thank you.

The room itself wasn�t much to look at, which was fine, because I spent as little time looking at it as possible. It was basically a cube, about ten meters long on each side. A modular shower and toilet unit were embedded in one wall, opposite the small ergonomic kitchen. I�d never actually used the kitchen to cook anything. My meals were all frozen or delivered. Microwave brownies were as close as I ever got to cooking.

Today is the day that we learn just how far Wade can slip. The answer is "ultimate basement goon".

There are only two things in his life that Wade actually cares about since getting kinda-dumped by his not-girlfriend. One of those is his new rig, which his seemingly exorbitant endorsement checks has paid for.

quote:

The crown jewel in my rig was, of course, my customized OASIS console. The computer that powered my world. I�d built it myself, piece by piece,inside a modded mirror-black Odinware sphere chassis. It had a new overclocked processor that was so fast its cycle-time bordered on pre-cognition. And the internal hard drive had enough storage space to hold three digitized copies of Everything in Existence.

I spent the majority of my time in my Shaptic Technologies HC5000 fully adjustable haptic chair. It was suspended by two jointed robotic arms anchored to my apartment�s walls and ceiling. These arms could rotate the chair on all four axes, so when I was strapped in to it, the unit could flip, spin, or shake my body to create the sensation that I was falling, flying, or sitting behind the wheel of a nuclear-powered rocket sled hurtling at Mach 2 through a canyon on the fourth moon of Altair VI.

The chair worked in conjunction with my Shaptic Bootsuit, a full-body haptic feedback suit. It covered every inch of my body from the neck down and had discreet openings so I could relieve myself without removing the entire thing. The outside of the suit was covered with an elaborate exoskeleton, a network of artificial tendons and joints that could both sense and inhibit my movements. Built into the inside of the suit was a weblike network of miniature actuators that made contact with my skin every few centimeters. These could be activated in small or large groups for the purpose of tactile simulation�to make my skin feel things that weren�t really there. They could convincingly simulate the sensation of a tap on the shoulder, a kick to the shin, or a gunshot in the chest. (Built-in safety software prevented my rig from actually causing me any physical harm, so a simulated gunshot actually felt more like a weak punch.) I had an identical backup suit hanging in the MoshWash cleaning unit in the corner of the room. These two haptic suits made up my entire wardrobe. My old street clothes were buried somewhere in the closet, collecting dust.

On my hands, I wore a pair of state-of-the-art Okagami IdleHands haptic datagloves. Special tactile feedback pads covered both palms, allowing the gloves to create the illusion that I was touching objects and surfaces that didn�t actually exist.

My visor was a brand-new pair of Dinatro RLR-7800 WreckSpex, featuring a top-of-the-line virtual retinal display. The visor drew the OASIS directly onto my retinas, at the highest frame rate and resolution perceptible to the human eye. The real world looked washed-out and blurry by comparison. The RLR-7800 was a not-yet-available-to-the-plebian-masses prototype, but I had an endorsement deal with Dinatro, so they sent me free gear (shipped to me through a series of remailing services, which I used to maintain my anonymity).

My AboundSound audio system consisted of an array of ultrathin speakers mounted on the apartment�s walls, floor, and ceiling, providing 360 degrees of perfect spatial pin-drop sound reproduction. And the Mjolnur subwoofer was powerful enough to make my back teeth vibrate.

The Olfatrix smell tower in the corner was capable of generating over two thousand discernible odors. A rose garden, salty ocean wind, burning cordite�the tower could convincingly re-create them all. It also doubled as an industrial-strength air conditioner/purifier, which was primarily what I used it for. A lot of jokers liked to code really horrific smells into their simulations, just to mess with people who owned smell towers, so I usually left the odor generator disabled, unless I was in a part of the OASIS where I thought being able to smell my surroundings might prove useful.

On the floor, directly underneath my suspended haptic chair, was my Okagami Runaround omnidirectional treadmill. (�No matter where you go, there you are� was the manufacturer�s slogan.) The treadmill was about two meters square and six centimeters thick. When it was activated, I could run at top speed in any direction and never reach the edge of the platform. If I changed direction, the treadmill would sense it, and its rolling surface would change direction to match me, always keeping my body near the center of its platform. This model was also equipped with built-in lifts and an amorphous surface, so that it could simulate walking up inclines and staircases.

So he's already got everything he needs to feel the virtual world, to the extent that he doesn't need to ever see reality again...except one thing.

quote:

You could also purchase an ACHD (anatomically correct haptic doll), if you wanted to have more �intimate� encounters inside the OASIS. ACHDs came in male, female, and dual-sex models, and were available with a wide array of options. Realistic latex skin. Servomotor-driven endoskeletons. Simulated musculature. And all of the attendant appendages and orifices one would imagine.

Driven by loneliness, curiosity, and raging teen hormones, I�d purchased a midrange ACHD, the Shaptic �berBetty, a few weeks after Art3mis stopped speaking to me. After spending several highly unproductive days inside a stand-alone brothel simulation called the Pleasuredome, I�d gotten rid of the doll, out of a combination of shame and self-preservation. I�d wasted thousands of credits, missed a whole week of work, and was on the verge of completely abandoning my quest for the egg when I confronted the grim realization that virtual sex, no matter how realistic, was really nothing but glorified, computer-assisted masturbation. At the end of the day, I was still a virgin, all alone in a dark room, humping a lubed-up robot. So I got rid of the ACHD and went back to spanking the monkey the old-fashioned way.

This is an extremely popular book.

quote:

I felt no shame about masturbating. Thanks to Anorak�s Almanac, I now thought of it as a normal bodily function, as necessary and natural assleeping or eating.

AA 241:87�I would argue that masturbation is the human animal�s most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization. Our hands evolved to grip tools, all right�including our own. You see, thinkers, inventors, and scientists are usually geeks, and geeks have a harder time getting laid than anyone. Without the built-in sexual release valve provided by masturbation, it�s doubtful that early humans would have ever mastered the secrets of fire or discovered the wheel. And you can bet that Galileo, Newton, and Einstein never would have made their discoveries if they hadn�t first been able to clear their heads by slapping the salami (or �knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom�). The same goes for Marie Curie. Before she discovered radium, you can be certain she first discovered the little man in the canoe.

It wasn�t one of Halliday�s more popular theories, but I liked it.

This book has a film by Steven Spielberg with a $175 million budget.

quote:

As I shuffled over to the toilet, a large flat-screen monitor mounted on the wall switched on, and the smiling face of Max, my system agent software, appeared on the screen. I�d programmed Max to start up a few minutes after I turned on the lights, so I could wake up a little bit before he started jabbering to me.

�G-g-good morning, Wade!� Max stuttered cheerily. �Rise and sh-sh-shine!�

Running system agent software was a little like having a virtual personal assistant�one that also functioned as a voice-activated interface with your computer. System agent software was highly configurable, with hundreds of preprogrammed personalities to choose from. I�d programmed mine to look, sound, and behave like Max Headroom, the (ostensibly) computer-generated star of a late-�80s talk show, a groundbreaking cyberpunk TV series, and a slew of Coke commercials.

�Good morning, Max,� I replied groggily.

�I thin you mean good evening, Rumpelstiltskin. It�s 7:18 p.m., OASIS Sta-sta-standard Time, Wednesday, December thirtieth.� Max was programmed to speak with a slight electronic stutter. In the mid-�80s, when the character of Max Headroom was created, computers weren�t actually powerful enough to generate a photorealistic human figure, so Max had been portrayed by an actor (the brilliant Matt Frewer) who wore a lot of rubber makeup to make him look computer-generated. But the version of Max now smiling at me on the monitor was pure software, with the best simulated AI and voice-recognition subroutines money could buy.

I�d been running a highly customized version of MaxHeadroom v3.4.1 for a few weeks now. Before that, my system agent software had been modeled after the actress Erin Gray (of Buck Rogers and Silver Spoons fame). But she�d proved to be way too distracting, so I�d switched to Max. He was annoying at times, but he also cracked me up. He did a pretty decent job of keeping me from feeling lonesome, too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYdpOjletnc

I'm not sure I could stand having Max Headroom try to help me live my life 24/7. Especially as he makes a "sprung a leak" joke as Wade goes to the bathroom, which suggests Max Headroom now gets to look at his dick every day.

Wade spends an hour each day in the real world, cleaning and exercising. It's his least favorite part of the day because it reminds him that he's living his life in a virtual world, but despite having enough money to live whatever life he wants in reality he just refuses to change.

In terms of exercising, Wade has surprisingly taken to it. When he first started rejecting reality to substitute his own, he rapidly gained weight to the point where he was struggling to fit in his XL haptic suit. To avoid needing to buy a whole new rig to accommodate his girth, he installed a dietary lockout program (which can't be disabled for 2 months once activated and is linked to his OASIS account so he can never get around it) that prevents him from logging into OASIS unless he burns sufficient calories each day. After finally becoming muscular for the first time in his life, he decided to keep the program on and now continues to exercise in a virtual gym and track as his daily ritual.

quote:

The virtual gym vanished. Now I was standing on a semitransparent running track, a curved looping ribbon suspended in a starry nebula. Giant ringed planets and multicolored moons were suspended in space all around me. The running track stretched out ahead of me, rising, falling, and occasionally spiraling into a helix. An invisible barrier prevented me from accidentally running off the edge of the track and plummeting into the starry abyss. The Bifrost track was another stand-alone simulation, one of several hundred track designs stored on my console�s hard drive.

As I began to run, Max fired up my �80s music playlist. As the first song began, I quickly rattled off its title, artist, album, and year of release from memory: � �A Million Miles Away,� the Plimsouls, Everywhere at Once, 1983.� Then I began to sing along, reciting the lyrics. Having the right �80s song lyric memorized might save my avatar�s life someday.

When I finished my run, I pulled off my visor and began removing my haptic suit. This had to be done slowly to prevent damaging the suit�s components. As I carefully peeled it off, the contact patches made tiny popping sounds as they pulled free of my skin, leaving tiny circular marks allover my body. Once I had the suit off, I placed it inside the cleaning unit and laid my clean spare suit out on the floor.

Max had already turned on the shower for me, setting the water temperature right where I liked it. As I jumped into the steam-filled stall, Maxs witched the music over to my shower tunes playlist. I recognized the opening riffs of �Change,� by John Waite. From the Vision Quest soundtrack. Geffen Records, 1985.

The shower worked a lot like an old car wash. I just stood there while it did most of the work, blasting me from all angles with jets of soapy water,then rinsing me off. I had no hair to wash, because the shower also dispensed a nontoxic hair-removing solution that I rubbed all over my face and body. This eliminated the need for me to shave or cut my hair, both hassles I didn�t need. Having smooth skin also helped make sure my haptic suit fit snugly. I looked a little freaky without any eyebrows, but I got used to it.

When the rinse jets cut off, the blow-dryers kicked on, blasting the moisture off of my skin in a matter of seconds. I stepped into the kitchen and took out a can of Sludge, a high-protein, vitamin D�infused breakfast drink (to help counteract my sunlight deprivation). As I gulped it down, my computer�s sensors silently took note, scanning the barcode and adding the calories to my total for the day. With breakfast out of the way, I pulled on my clean haptic suit. This was less tricky than taking the suit off, but it still took time to do properly.

So putting this all together, Wade is:

* Pale as a vampire

* 100% hairless (including eyebrows)

* Muscular

* Only wears a haptic suit

Our hero is now Pinhead without the pins.

quote:

Standing there, under the bleak fluorescents of my tiny one-room apartment, there was no escaping the truth. In real life, I was nothing but an antisocial hermit. A recluse. A pale-skinned pop culture�obsessed geek. An agoraphobic shut-in, with no real friends, family, or genuine human contact. I was just another sad, lost, lonely soul, wasting his life on a glorified videogame.

But not in the OASIS. In there, I was the great Parzival. World-famous gunter and international celebrity. People asked for my autograph. I had a fan club. Several, actually. I was recognized everywhere I went (but only when I wanted to be). I was paid to endorse products. People admired and looked up to me. I got invited to the most exclusive parties. I went to all the hippest clubs and never had to wait in line. I was a pop-culture icon, a VR rock star. And, in gunter circles, I was a legend. Nay, a god.

I sat down and pulled on my gloves and visor. Once my identity was verified, the Gregarious Simulation Systems logo appeared in front of me, followed by the log-in prompt.

Greetings, Parzival.

Please speak your pass phrase.

I cleared my throat and recited my pass phrase. Each word appeared on my display as I said it. �No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful.�

There was a brief pause, and then I let out an involuntary sigh of relief as the OASIS faded into existence all around me.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 22:53

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

# ? Mar 21, 2018 23:19

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

You know what? gently caress it. I'm done. This is beyond jumping the shark. It did that loving ages ago.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 23:19

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

(I'm still going to keep on reading the thread, but if this were me reading the book I would said gently caress it)

# ? Mar 21, 2018 23:23

Back Hack: Jan 17, 2010

Gross

# ? Mar 21, 2018 23:23

BaronVonVaderham: Jul 31, 2011; All hail the queen!

It was the crowning moment of "one hell of a rig" for Mike Nelson.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 23:27

Gnome de plume: Sep 5, 2006; Hell.
Fucking.
Yes.

Oh dear, is the music of the popular English group WHAM! not to your tastes, Mr Watched Every Episode Of Family Ties Multiple Times?

Oh and all that other stuff, been waiting for that to pop up. I'm sure all the die hard RP1 fans will riot if the movie Wade doesn't suddenly start looking like the Engineer from Prometheus.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 23:31

theflyingorc: Jun 28, 2008; ANY GOOD OPINIONS THIS POSTER CLAIMS TO HAVE ARE JUST PROOF THAT BULLYING WORKS; Young Orc

Why would you bring up the sex robot if you're just going to have it exit the story

# ? Mar 21, 2018 23:54

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

theflyingorc posted:

Why would you bring up the sex robot if you're just going to have it exit the story

*unfurls a giant list of things that have been used once only to be discarded*

# ? Mar 21, 2018 23:59

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

iospace posted:

*unfurls a giant list of things that have been used once only to be discarded*

*packs it into a flying wall-phasing DeLorean*

# ? Mar 22, 2018 00:21

theflyingorc: Jun 28, 2008; ANY GOOD OPINIONS THIS POSTER CLAIMS TO HAVE ARE JUST PROOF THAT BULLYING WORKS; Young Orc

iospace posted:

*unfurls a giant list of things that have been used once only to be discarded*

Yeah but

He could have not written it, and then nobody would see him write that

It was so easy

# ? Mar 22, 2018 00:48

EVGA Longoria: Dec 25, 2005; Let's go exploring!

theflyingorc posted:

Yeah but

He could have not written it, and then nobody would see him write that

It was so easy

the target audience for this book are exactly the kind of people who demand to know how someone poops and why there aren't robot sex dolls in the future

# ? Mar 22, 2018 01:07

1stGear: Jan 16, 2010; Here's to the new us.

When Wade Watts woke up one morning from unsettling dreams he found himself transformed into the ultimate goon and thought that was perfectly fine.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 02:29

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

He gazed up at the enormous face. Eighteen years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the rusty brown moustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two haptic-gel-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Ernest Cline.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 03:22

Hyrax Attack!: Jan 13, 2009; We demand to be taken seriously

Wait. Wade�s mom suffered as an OASIS sex worker... and as soon as he has the option he heads for the Pleasuredome?!

Hyrax Attack! fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Mar 22, 2018

# ? Mar 22, 2018 03:40

Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

He misses his mom.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 03:57

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Hyrax Attack! posted:

Wait. Wade�s mom suffered as an OASIS sex worker... and as soon as he has the option he heads for the Pleasuredome?!

For a week.

I will say that there's one section of this book that's actually a little enjoyable to read. Tellingly, it's the longest time the book is out of OASIS.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 04:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 29, 2024 10:14

Carlosologist: Oct 13, 2013; Revelry in the Dark

burn this poo poo to the ground

little man in the canoe???? are you loving serious

# ? Mar 22, 2018 04:29

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Let's Read Ready Player One - The Ultimate Showdown as a book

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