funny politics shit you remember: The Maltese Failson

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > funny politics shit you remember: The Maltese Failson

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Zerg Mans: Oct 19, 2006

That time Fox and Friends did a hit piece on Mr Rogers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29lmR_357rA

# ? Mar 20, 2018 19:55

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# ? May 24, 2024 06:26

R. Guyovich: Dec 25, 1991

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

# ? Mar 21, 2018 02:19

ikanreed: Sep 25, 2009; I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

We all still suffer from his lovely browser extension. It isn't even funny like the snake people one

# ? Mar 21, 2018 02:36

GalacticAcid: Apr 8, 2013; NEW YORK VALUES

Mr Hootington posted:

All BBQ is better than Iowa BBQ.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 02:50

R. Guyovich: Dec 25, 1991

GalacticAcid posted:

Why is Iowa barbecue taking over the world?

# ? Mar 21, 2018 02:51

paul_soccer10: Mar 28, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Mythical Moderate posted:

Seemed appropriate for today. Happy 15th anniversary of the invasion of Iraq!

i didnt even realize!

# ? Mar 21, 2018 03:11

ikanreed: Sep 25, 2009; I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

Wtf, weird-rear end Midwest states? Who said you could have barbeque. Louisiana was bad enough

# ? Mar 21, 2018 03:16

GalacticAcid: Apr 8, 2013; NEW YORK VALUES

Kerry Hunting Trip Sets Sights on Swing Voters

lol at Kerry tripping over his own dick during this whole dumb charade

The article makes fun of him for not carrying the dead bird he supposedly shot

# ? Mar 21, 2018 03:42

Kurtofan: Feb 16, 2011; hon hon hon

exmarx posted:

Anime won

# ? Mar 21, 2018 06:51

Kurtofan: Feb 16, 2011; hon hon hon

GalacticAcid posted:

Kerry Hunting Trip Sets Sights on Swing Voters

lol at Kerry tripping over his own dick during this whole dumb charade

The article makes fun of him for not carrying the dead bird he supposedly shot

Lmao

# ? Mar 21, 2018 06:53

Kurtofan: Feb 16, 2011; hon hon hon

GalacticAcid posted:

lol, reminds me of this somehow real book:

Holy poo poo

# ? Mar 21, 2018 06:59

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

laura bush killed a guy with her car

# ? Mar 21, 2018 17:02

Filthy Hans: Jun 27, 2008; by Fluffdaddy
(and can't post for 10 years!)

Trump's hyperracist butler was pretty goddamn funny

# ? Mar 22, 2018 00:19

im on the net me boys: Feb 19, 2017; Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhhjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cannabis

Filthy Hans posted:

Trump's hyperracist butler was pretty goddamn funny

I can't believe I missed that one

# ? Mar 22, 2018 01:33

Jewel Repetition: Dec 24, 2012; Ask me about Briar Rose and Chicken Chaser.

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

Lol

# ? Mar 22, 2018 01:45

GalacticAcid: Apr 8, 2013; NEW YORK VALUES

Filthy Hans posted:

Trump's hyperracist butler was pretty goddamn funny

Somebody tell me more hahah please

# ? Mar 22, 2018 05:02

logikv9: Mar 5, 2009; Ham Wrangler

trump's butler is also his personal historian and also took a leave of absence for a few years to be mayor of some whatever town where he made homeless pay rent or something equally evil

# ? Mar 22, 2018 05:21

The Crotch: Oct 16, 2012; by Nyc_Tattoo

# ? Mar 22, 2018 08:14

Streak: May 16, 2004; by Nyc_Tattoo

Sniper fire in Bosnia

# ? Mar 22, 2018 08:58

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

# ? Mar 22, 2018 09:07

Filthy Hans: Jun 27, 2008; by Fluffdaddy
(and can't post for 10 years!)

I feel it is time for the SECOND AMERICAN REVOLUTION !!!!! The only way we will change this crooked government is to douche it !!!!! This might be the time with this kenyan fraud in power !!!!! �[W]ith the last breath I draw I will help rid this America of the scum infested in its government�and if that means dragging that ball less dick head from the white mosque and hanging his scrawny rear end from the portico�count me in !!!!!

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/05/trump-butler-anthony-senecal-facebook-kill-obama/

I know it's impossible to remember every lovely thing about trump, but this guy was something special

# ? Mar 22, 2018 12:06

nah: Mar 16, 2009

Trump having a racist butler is the biggest no brainer in political history

# ? Mar 22, 2018 12:24

GalacticAcid: Apr 8, 2013; NEW YORK VALUES

God drat. I think I completely missed the racist butler saga.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 13:00

Retromancer: Aug 21, 2007; Every time I see Goatse, I think of Maureen. That's the last thing I saw. Before I blacked out. The sight of that man's anus.

Joe teh Plumber

# ? Mar 22, 2018 14:34

Uncle Wemus: Mar 4, 2004

Schumer openly laughing at the democratic party's base by saying gleefully that for every blue collar worker they lost they'd gain two suburban republicans

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:22

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

Retromancer posted:

Joe teh Plumber

Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, aka (((joe the plumber)))

quote:

The video shows Wurzelbacher loading up a shotgun and pulverising fruits and vegetables while a voice over intones: "In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were exterminated.

"In 1939 Germany established gun control. From 1939 to 1945 six million Jews and seven million others, unable to defend themselves, were exterminated," the voice continues.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:26

frankenfreak: Feb 16, 2007; I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

(By the way, I suddenly remember this because I saw "Thaddeus McCotter presidential campaign, 2012" is Wikipedia's featured article today which might be the most attention his campaign ever got.)

frankenfreak has issued a correction as of 23:41 on Mar 22, 2018

# ? Mar 22, 2018 23:38

quite stretched out: Feb 17, 2011; the chillest

does anyone have the forums post about all the muslims suddenly moving to the moon and obama slowly growing bigger and bigger until he can carry us to their moon city. i just remembered it but cant find it

# ? Mar 22, 2018 23:52

A Handed Missus: Aug 6, 2012

One hundred nations in the UN have not agreed with us on just about everything that's come before them, where we're involved, and it didn't upset my breakfast at all.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:53

hackbunny: Jul 22, 2007; I haven't been on SA for years but the person who gave me my previous av as a joke felt guilty for doing so and decided to get me a non-shitty av

quite stretched out posted:

does anyone have the forums post about all the muslims suddenly moving to the moon and obama slowly growing bigger and bigger until he can carry us to their moon city. i just remembered it but cant find it

12:05 PM eastern standard time, the Muslims have vanished. Check for yourself if you don't believe me. Where have they gone to?

There is speculation, of course. Scientists mention a cosmic storm that passed the Earth on January 20. A man says they are all in caves. Certain groups lament a faulty Rapture. A woman says he has taken their power and absorbed it into himself. She means Barack Obama. I doubt it, but he does seem somehow taller. The ground rumbles at times. The breaking news says WASHINGTON DC, with red concentric circles. I'm uneasy, but what can we do? Terror is defeated and if Obama were a Muslim, he'd be just as gone as them. There's no cause for alarm.

Within months, Barack Obama has declared a war on vague unease. It's a good idea, because frankly we could all use some peace of mind. Approval rating is higher than ever now that the Muslims had left, but I don't think we are happy yet. His eyes are shining sometimes, as a deer's eyes shine in a flashlight beam. Small fissures criss-cross the pavement. Trees are swaying, but the breeze is gone. Something is changing in our world.

Aeroplanes don't exist anymore. Scientists explain that the density of the air is too low to support their wings. Then how do we breathe?! We should have died by now, but I think we are evolving. Our bodies haven't changed, but the atmosphere..

One man says it was the rapture after all, and we have since entered the Kingdom of God. Barack is now the size of an oak tree. He sleeps outside since the rains have ceased, and his skin is thick to bullets. Now he wanders through he countryside impassively. He ignores a rural photo-op. He studies a leaf for twenty days. Only a fool would call this Heaven.

Satellites fall to earth like rain used to. No friction burns them away, so we trudge past countless flecks of solar panel and ribbons of golden cloth. It's a silent car crash every few hours, though cars themselves no longer run. No oxygen remains to ignite their fuel. Obama strides across the landscape, taller than the Freedom Tower. We've given up on assassination; all men are immortal now, and guns no longer fire.

I'm starting to wish the Muslims were back.

We found them with a telescope. Images of a colony on the right side of the moon. See the parts that jut from the lower right? I think they're mosques. Soon they are visible to the naked eye, but how? Their cities are enormous. We watch them as they live and die. They have our former atmosphere; the moon is fringed with blue. "Look at how they wield their guns," writes a man. "I always said he'd take our guns away." They eat and sleep like we once did, building worthless ziggurats. We have everything we wanted, but oh how we envy their strife!

It's long been clear that Obama brought this uncomfortable perfection upon us, but I can't bring myself to blame him for it. He's reminded us all of how our lives had been discarded out of fear. I know now why he grows each day. In time, when we are ready he will reach out into space. He will raise us up in his great hand, to this new Earth that gleams like a frozen star. And if Obama does not carry us, we can climb...

# ? Mar 23, 2018 02:18

The Narrator: Aug 11, 2011; bernie would have won

God I love that post.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 02:29

hackbunny: Jul 22, 2007; I haven't been on SA for years but the person who gave me my previous av as a joke felt guilty for doing so and decided to get me a non-shitty av

I'm partial to the LF takes on young Republicans reacting to Obama's inauguration

quote:

A lot of things have changed in her life: The Great Depression. Pepsi. The number of people alive on the earth. But, she says, none of them were like this.

"Many Pepsis were different before." says Kay Williams, a 91 year old. "A billion people since I was born have lived and died."

Williams is part of the growing trend of senior citizens who, paralyzed by a changing world, have withdrawn under the furniture in their house. Williams looks at the floor and refuses to acknowledge my presence. Perhaps to her I was born too late.

"A black president is a surprising thing. I was surprised too when we unleased fire on many yellow people living on an Island. They tell you that Japan is a country and I have never seen it."

quote:

Little Dakota wouldn't eat her bananas. "Mommy, why are we having only bananas for dinner? I want macaroni!"
"Just eat your bananas, honey."
"But mommy, they taste funny!"
"That's because you haven't used enough special banana syrup, sweetie!"
Dakota's mother raised the nozzle of the atrazine cannister and blasted the dinner table with a deluge of industrial herbicide.
"Ehehee! Syrup everywhere!"
"Ha ha ha." Dakota's mother forced a laugh, but inside she despaired. That awful man was going to ban it all. Every trade agreement. Every non-organic food. No fruit but wormy apples for a thousand years. A tear mingled with the slick of atrazine on her cheek; these might be the last bananas Dakota ever tasted.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 02:35

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

lmao

# ? Mar 23, 2018 03:24

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

hackbunny posted:

I'm partial to the LF takes on young Republicans reacting to Obama's inauguration

Lee Harvey Oswald posted:

all college republicans should be murdered

lol how banned would this get you these days

# ? Mar 23, 2018 04:01

GalacticAcid: Apr 8, 2013; NEW YORK VALUES

https://twitter.com/daveweigel/status/623246334200516608

# ? Mar 23, 2018 04:49

quite stretched out: Feb 17, 2011; the chillest

hell yeah hackbunny you fucken rock

# ? Mar 23, 2018 05:19

StashAugustine: Mar 24, 2013; Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

the "now you are immune to rubella" one was the funniest

# ? Mar 23, 2018 05:26

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

every time

quote:

King Hussein Obama I, flanked by his bodyguards, stepped out of his blinged Limoscalade and marched up the gold-lined marble steps of Washington Palace. It should have been a glorious day, yet under his heavy yet exquisite crown of carved human fetus-ivory his brow was ridged deeply as he silently brooded. Still, his posse, boomboxes on their shoulders, dance-walked up the steps, chains and gats jangling over the din as they grabbed their crotches.

As his trusted associates T-Von and Mook-Mook the Bushman pushed open the grand organic farm-grown cruelty-free redwood doors paid for by his 95% tax rate, he stepped into the antechamber of the gold-domed palace. Outside, ShariaVentalism reigned, but in here his word was law, and all his white teen sex slaves cowered before his glare more than even the hemp whips of their latte-drinking tweeded atheist masters.

He walked down the hallway toward his office and a prisoner in chains passed before him, lead by two turban-wearing Mexicans. He spotted the King and began shouting curses.

"You loving fascist! I knew it! I knew it! I told them, but they wouldn't listen, that your health care platform was a slippery slope to all this! You won't get away with this! The will of the Free Market will not be denied!"
"Seelenceo een the prezence of the Keeng, preesoner!"

King Obama spotted a chance to improve his ill mood.

"Bring him here. Good. Give me his file." The king looked over the prisoner's dossier. A long list of crimes against the state, and a repeat offender.
"You'll never get away with this! Never!"
"Hush now, Mr. Jack. We have ways of dealing with unruly sorts such as yourself."
"Praise be to Allah, seenyor."
"Peh! I spit at your torture! The Free Market gives me strength!"
"Oh, no, not anything as gauche as torture."

The King grabbed a syringe from the outstretched hand of one of his nearby breakdancing bodyguards, and plunged it into the man's helpless neck.

"Now you are immune to rubella."

Kyle's lingering, echoing screams of tormented horror brought a slight smile like a crack in Obama's stony brown face as he walked into his lavish velvet-lined office and shut the door behind him. He motioned for his bodyguards to leave the room, and he addressed the giant screens hanging over his desk.

"Screen one on. Connect to Emperor bin Laden of Eurabia. Screen two: Hugo Chavez of the U.S.S.A.R.. Screen three: The High Elder of Zion."

The three figures appeared live via satelite.

"Gentlemen," began Obama darkly, "it's time to have...a conversation."