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SpacePig posted:I think basically any goon can find their way around a vagina. I think the important part is finding a way inside. I make no promises there.
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Mar 24, 2018 16:39
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SpacePig posted:I think basically any goon can find their way around a vagina. I think the important part is finding a way inside. *In Christian Bale voice* but inside doesn't matter...
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Mar 24, 2018 18:45
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Roro posted:Rude, I'm a lesbian so you'd better believe I know my way around a vagina. Didn't even know you were a woman. It's an "insert name here" joke and you drew the straw.
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Mar 24, 2018 18:55
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FFT posted:it's clearly a one-liner. Goddamn it guys. "Do you have to always bring up predestination?"
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Mar 24, 2018 19:58
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Jedit posted:Didn't even know you were a woman. It's an "insert name here" joke and you drew the straw. Actually, I drew the straw. 
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Mar 25, 2018 05:28
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Raitzeno posted:Actually, I drew the straw. No ring?
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Mar 25, 2018 05:36
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Do you know why Sonic doesn't do bad goatse jokes? Because when he gets hit with no ring he dies.
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Mar 25, 2018 06:57
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You fuckers I'm laughing at every one of these recent jokes
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Mar 25, 2018 09:19
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ikanreed posted:Goddamn it guys. Okay, can anyone bring this in under 8 words now?
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Mar 25, 2018 10:01
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All you zombies
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Mar 25, 2018 10:40
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TapTheForwardAssist posted:Okay, can anyone bring this in under 8 words now? “Do you have to bring up predestination?”
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Mar 25, 2018 13:03
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"Predestination" *slits own jugular*
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Mar 25, 2018 14:28
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“Must you mention predestination?”
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Mar 25, 2018 15:49
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How many tough bikers does it take a screw in a light bulb? 17. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, BUDDY?
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Mar 25, 2018 15:55
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Krankenstyle posted:All you zombies I just read that one recently!
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Mar 25, 2018 16:31
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Have you heard about this invention that lets you look through walls? It's called a window.
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Mar 28, 2018 02:08
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I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic I was in daniel
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Mar 29, 2018 13:54
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BrianBoitano posted:I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic Hahaha, goddamn.
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Mar 29, 2018 14:27
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BrianBoitano posted:I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic "I'm a gay necrophiliac," he said in dead earnest.
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Mar 29, 2018 23:17
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So, I heard this joke yesterday on an NPR classical and jazz station, and the host isn't really known for jokes. But this was being told with the cadence of a joke, but with an NPR voice, and the inflection is what really made it. What's better than a Vivaldi concerto for trumpet? A Vivaldi concerto for TWO trumpets. I don't know why, but it had me laughing like a loon.
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Mar 30, 2018 14:23
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Why did Mary Magdalene come to Jesus' crucifixion? [stretch out your arms] Because she heard there was a guy hung like this. Why did she stay? [stretch out your arms] Because she found two other guys hung like this.
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Mar 30, 2018 17:27
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When does a Boy Scout become a man? When he eats his first Brownie.
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Mar 31, 2018 02:28
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TapTheForwardAssist posted:When does a Boy Scout become a man? My dad told a slightly different version of this joke. "Know why I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts? For eating Brownies"
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Mar 31, 2018 02:35
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What's the difference between Americans and yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture.
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Mar 31, 2018 10:53
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TapTheForwardAssist posted:When does a Boy Scout become a man? Can someone explain this?
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Apr 1, 2018 00:50
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Non Serviam posted:Can someone explain this? The brownies are 2-3 grade girl scouts.
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Apr 1, 2018 00:58
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I've always found that brownie joke exceptionally creepy. Even as a boy scout at 15 or whatever when I heard it. I mean I get it for the word play but brownies are very young girls.
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Apr 1, 2018 01:34
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om nom nom posted:I've always found that brownie joke exceptionally creepy. Even as a boy scout at 15 or whatever when I heard it. I mean I get it for the word play but brownies are very young girls. would it be better if you decided to interpret it as a cannibalism joke instead? Young meat is more tender, just look at veal.
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Apr 1, 2018 03:26
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id like some kind of tenderfoot/caltrop joke
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Apr 1, 2018 04:01
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It doesn't matter how advanced a Boy Scout is or how many badges he's earned, it only takes one thorn to turn him into a tenderfoot.
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Apr 1, 2018 04:19
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om nom nom posted:I've always found that brownie joke exceptionally creepy. Even as a boy scout at 15 or whatever when I heard it. I mean I get it for the word play but brownies are very young girls. The version I heard actually didn't mention brownies at all. It was "When does a boy scout become a man? When he helps a girl scout get her cookies." Don't know how it is elsewhere but for a while in these parts "cookies" was a euphemism for orgasm. At least in this case it was a vague suggestion that the boy scout and girl scout involved were about the same age.
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Apr 1, 2018 08:18
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Three preachers are discussing how they divide up the money from the collection plate. The first says "I drew a line down the middle of my office, and I stand in the middle and throw the money in the air, and whatever lands on the left I keep, and whatever lands on the right is for God." The second says "I drew a 10ft circle in the middle of my office, and I throw the money up in the air and whatever lands in the circle I keep, and whatever lands outside is for God." The last says "I take all the money, throw it up in the air and shout 'Catch, Lord!' and whatever he catches, he can keep."
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Apr 1, 2018 10:49
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Told by the priest at today's Easter service.quote:There was a rich miser who was constantly trying to find a good hiding place for his fortune. Eventually he decided to build a replica of the Holy Sepulchre in his private chapel and hide the treasure in it. As an additional deterrent, he wrote "Christ is buried here" on it. One of his servants soon noticed that his master seemed to have become much more devout than previously, spending a lot of time in the chapel. When the master went traveling, that servant investigated the chapel, and found and absconded with the money. Before he left, he replaced the inscription with "He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay."
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Apr 1, 2018 12:38
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"The Appointment in Samarra" (as retold by W. Somerset Maugham [1933]) The speaker is Death There was a merchant in Bagdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, Master, just now when I was in the marketplace I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me. She looked at me and made a threatening gesture, now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me. The merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went. Then the merchant went down to the marketplace and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said, Why did you make a threating getsture to my servant when you saw him this morning? That was not a threatening gesture, I said, it was only a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Bagdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra.
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Apr 2, 2018 09:47
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I'm the Viper. I come to vash and vipe the vindows!
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Apr 2, 2018 11:48
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TapTheForwardAssist posted:Three preachers are discussing how they divide up the money from the collection plate. One of those jokes that’s going to end up leaning against a bar, telling all the younger jokes how much laughter it used to get in the good old days of racism.
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Apr 2, 2018 12:10
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Torquemada posted:One of those jokes that’s going to end up leaning against a bar, telling all the younger jokes how much laughter it used to get in the good old days of racism.
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Apr 2, 2018 12:15
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The last priest is a rabbi with the serial numbers filed off
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Apr 2, 2018 12:33
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CaptainJuan posted:The last priest is a rabbi with the serial numbers filed off Yeah, I first heard that one many years ago as a Catholic priest, a Protestant priest and a rabbi. The joke works without it being a Jew, though.
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Apr 2, 2018 13:24
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CaptainJuan posted:The last priest is a rabbi with the serial numbers filed off You remove a tattoo with a laser, not a file
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Apr 2, 2018 13:33
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