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Wamdoodle posted:Is it bad when you whiff a fart and think "Man, that fart smell is making me hungry" Every “Chinese Food” fart I’ve ever had 
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Apr 3, 2018 23:54
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 14:22 |
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Post weekend bender I ripped a silent and deadly in a checkout line so gnarly the nurse in scrubs in front of me looked over her shoulder and gave me the death eye. Sorry nurse.
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Apr 4, 2018 00:01
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you're lucky she didn't just start waving her hands going WHEW and looking around wildly that's what i do when someone rips one publicly in an inconvenient place where we're stuck together, but won't own up and apologize playing dumb but making a big deal about it really seems to embarrass the culprit
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Apr 4, 2018 00:05
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Wamdoodle posted:Is it bad when you whiff a fart and think "Man, that fart smell is making me hungry" Mine are not reminiscing about previous meals, but rather "JESUS MOTHERFUCK WHAT THE gently caress DID I EAT?!?" and dry heaving.
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Apr 4, 2018 00:06
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Where I work there is a sewage treatment plant next door and when the wind comes from the north the whole worksite is smothered in this thick blanket smell of decomposing human waste and yesterday my farts smelled EXACTLY the same as it.
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Apr 4, 2018 00:31
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StrangersInTheNight posted:you're lucky she didn't just start waving her hands going WHEW and looking around wildly One time I was at a doctors surgery and it was one of those small local GP clinics inside an old Victorian era cottage house and I was hungover and generally unhealthy at the time so I went to the toilet at the end of the hallway and did a loving digusting poo poo and farted myself to death in there and used air freshener and all that and when i came out and sat back in the reception about a minute later the receptionist screwed up her face in disgust and walked to the end of the hallway and back whilst spraying a can of Glen 20 continuously the whole way and closed all the doors in the hallway im guessing so as not to infect the doctor's offices with the stench of my septic farts it was really embarassing becsuse it was just me, her and my girlfriend in the room and we all knew what the smell was and who dunnit but nothing was said and i was waiting in there i swear for like half an hour in awkward silence whenever i'd be with friends and id take a dump whenever i'd come back my friends would always ask me if i'd finished making GBS threads yet because they would smell so bad and thick and the smell would follow me out of the toilet Sludge Tank fucked around with this message at 00:36 on Apr 4, 2018 |
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Apr 4, 2018 00:34
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You Are A Elf posted:Mine are not reminiscing about previous meals, but rather "JESUS MOTHERFUCK WHAT THE gently caress DID I EAT?!?" and dry heaving. I only get that from the Ultrarare 'Burning Rubber Scent' farts.
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Apr 4, 2018 00:53
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Sludge Tank posted:Where I work there is a sewage treatment plant next door and when the wind comes from the north the whole worksite is smothered in this thick blanket smell of decomposing human waste and yesterday my farts smelled EXACTLY the same as it. Your coworkers are beginning to suspect where you sneak off to during lunch
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Apr 4, 2018 02:47
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I really like onions and garlic like REALLY. I made scrambled eggs and used an entire large white onion and a whole clove of garlic for about 4 eggs worth. I ate it and it tasted way too strong and just not pleasant but I didn't have time to make more so i finished it then went to work. I worked in a very small reception window with my boss side by side about a foot apart and I could not stop farting. I'm talking farts every 30 to 45 seconds and they smelt like straight putrid sulfur and egg. At first my boss thought it was funny but I kept going. It got to the point where he made me leave the room to fart but after about an hour of that he told me to go home for the day. It was pretty embarrassing.
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Apr 4, 2018 04:16
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Wamdoodle posted:I had a sneaking dread I knew what the clip would be before I clicked it. Keep on cruising buuuuuuudddyyyyy
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Apr 4, 2018 04:30
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man i'm farting a ton right now and also it smells insanely bad.
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Apr 4, 2018 04:36
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I was out on a second date with this girl from Japan and we went for IN N OUT burgers, which I got animal style. About an hour later, we're watching TV and making out for the first time and my stomach starts to gurgle. I make my way to her bathroom and that's when the animal style really began. It was just terrible, I don't know if the meat was bad or the onions just wanted out or whatever but it was the worst smelling hot lava shits I have ever had in my life. The whole time it was going, I was staring at this can of air freshener on the sink thinking "thank god that is in here". When I was done and tried to spray it, it was empty. Just a pitiful little cough of air came out and that was it. The bathroom was downstairs and it was so bad that I texted the girl upstairs that I was leaving and then rode home clenching my rear end cheeks as hard as I could to stop round 2. I was actually pep talking myself in my head about how I was a grown man and I was not going to poo poo my pants in my cloth seat car because it would never be the same again.
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Apr 4, 2018 04:47
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When I was 13 my friends made a putrid drink out of whatever they could find in the cupboard and bet me money I wouldn't drink it so of course I did. Within a couple hours I started farting. They were incredibly tiny, almost an inaudible poot but they were by far the most vile, putrid farts I've ever had. We slept in my buddies motor home and I turned it into the mummies tomb. My fartcophagi
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Apr 4, 2018 04:51
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Sludge Tank posted:it was really embarassing becsuse it was just me, her and my girlfriend in the room and we all knew what the smell was and who dunnit but nothing was said I've done one of these. My wife and I were having lunch at Piada (think Chipotle but with pastas). After we finished eating, I felt a bit volatile in the abdomen, so I left the full, lunch-rush dining room to use the bathroom. This place is kind of hipsterish, so the bathroom had saloon doors at the entrance, which seemed a bit odd, but whatever. I went in, had a good cantankerous poo poo, and started wiping, which takes a bit because the poo had that perfect consistency to never quite wipe off. As I'm in the middle of it, this exchange occurs with my wife:  "Where are you?" "Pooping"I found the exchange a little odd, but I was in for a bit and figure she's getting impatient. I finally get the last of the poo poo wiped and return to an empty dining room, save for my wife failing to keep a straight face in the corner, and the staff who are availing themselves to lunch and glaring at me. My wife pulls a very confused me out to the car quickly and tells me what happened: As it turned out, the Saloon Door to the bathroom, in combination with some very poor HVAC, allowed evidence of my rear end passing to waft into the dining room. My wife was one of the first to realize what was happening, and recognized my fragrance, having been subjected to my rear end gas many times. That was when she sent the text, largely to confirm that I hadn't asphyxiated myself or something. As the smell filled the restaurant, one by one people started leaving. One of the workers was overheard saying "Oh God not again!" One of the unfortunate patrons fled retching. Parents took their children and fled, leaving whole meals behind. People canceled mid-order. Eventually the line was decimated, and people who attempted to enter would simply turn and leave after opening the door. I created an apocalypse with my rear end and was completely oblivious to the suffering I brought down on that fateful lunch. We never ate at Piada again.
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Apr 4, 2018 04:53
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BurntCornMuffin posted:I've done one of these. I'd have come back the next day
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Apr 4, 2018 04:56
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BurntCornMuffin posted:I've done one of these. Oh my god their air intake for the AC was inside a bathroom. That’s..... astoundingly awful design.
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Apr 4, 2018 04:57
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Hell Yeah posted:man i'm farting a ton right now and also it smells insanely bad. Oh dear. 
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Apr 4, 2018 05:03
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Sludge Tank posted:whenever i'd be with friends and id take a dump whenever i'd come back my friends would always ask me if i'd finished making GBS threads yet because they would smell so bad and thick and the smell would follow me out of the toilet Try wiping?
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Apr 4, 2018 05:09
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I ripped a fart so noxious, it cleared the whole room and one dude threw up.
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Apr 4, 2018 06:22
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Walked into town early on a beautiful and fresh Sunday morning to get a bus. On the way I farted. It was the worst ever, like something had crawled up there and died and festered. Worse than you can imagine. The bus stop was halfway up a hill and there was maybe half a dozen people standing at it. I got in line. But before the bus arrived another fart wanted to. So I casually, slowly strolled away, back up to the top of the hill where I released it with nonchalance. It was as putrid as before. I walked back to the bus stop. About thirty seconds later the bastard found its way home. I reckon it had a mass that meant it rolled down the hill and stopped at my feet. I'm sure everyone knew it was mine. 
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Apr 4, 2018 07:22
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I had Kashi for breakfast and shawarma with extra garlic sauce for lunch. Dear God
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Apr 6, 2018 22:53
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Bonzo posted:I had Kashi for breakfast and shawarma with extra garlic sauce for lunch. Dear God Hmm my old boss used to eat kashi then stand in front of the rooms tower fan and just drop these massive cheek flappers
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Apr 6, 2018 23:23
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Guys you should try having a broke rear end lunch with a cup o noodle. By the time you're home you're booty tootin' constantly
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Apr 6, 2018 23:29
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And they're like the fluffy big airy ones that hardly smell too
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Apr 6, 2018 23:30
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I'm deciding what to have for dinner Help me decide on the best food to inhibit the most gaseous rumblings The gf will be asleep when I get home and she works stupid early So I need to make this a special night, by loudly busting rear end beside her
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Apr 6, 2018 23:34
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Blue On Blue posted:Hmm my old boss used to eat kashi then stand in front of the rooms tower fan and just drop these massive cheek flappers yeah I've been doing this thing were one week I only eat eggs for breakfast. Then as soon as I switch to a high fiber cereal my insides freak the gently caress out
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Apr 6, 2018 23:42
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i've heard that if you eat a big box of fiber one bars that you fart nonstop for hours. can anyone ITT confirm/deny?
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Apr 7, 2018 00:40
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kazr posted:My fartcophagi  Also gently caress saloon door bathrooms or even worse, those ones without doors that are just tunnels, UGH THERE NEEDS TO BE A BARRIER BETWEEN THE POOP AND NON-POOP AREAS
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Apr 7, 2018 00:50
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We as humans should advance past closed doors Just have one big open room that had tables for eating on one side and toilets for pooping across on the other side If business can embrace open floor plans for their workers. We too can have open air pooping
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Apr 7, 2018 01:01
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literally my nightmare scenario
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Apr 7, 2018 01:02
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Blue On Blue posted:I'm deciding what to have for dinner Polish sausage, pastrami, sauerkraut and beer is an excellent combo.
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Apr 7, 2018 01:18
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Traxis posted:Polish sausage, pastrami, sauerkraut and beer is an excellent combo. Please don't doxx my breakfast habits.
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Apr 7, 2018 01:19
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I've got a dozen unused hard-boiled Easter eggs to eat. Nothing more to be said of that. Wish me luck I don't cause several extinction events from elevated methane levels in the atmosphere, guys.
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Apr 7, 2018 01:57
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I went with a pizza sub I hope it works
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Apr 7, 2018 02:11
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Koyaanisgoatse posted:i've heard that if you eat a big box of fiber one bars that you fart nonstop for hours. can anyone ITT confirm/deny? Once you get about three Fiber One products in your gut, you're up for some entertainment.
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Apr 7, 2018 05:49
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I’ve asked most nurses I know what the worst smell ever is and they all unanimously agree: Upper G.I. Bleed. I have Crohn’s Disease. During one pretty bad event, I was in the E.R. after dropping a pint of putrid, rancid, blackened, half-digested blood out of my rear end in a top hat. That event alone peeled the paint off of the walls in my bathroom at home. Laying in the E.R., receiving I.V. fluids, I let out a silent hiss. The first alarm was the sound of my own retching as I vommed all over the floor by my bed. This was followed by the first nurse opening the door to check on me, whose face turned immediately to one of horror before she also succumbed and threw up just outside the door. An older veteran nurse came rushing over who I distinctly remember saying “Oh dear loving Lord, not this poo poo again.” She was better able to endure, tending to both me and the other nurse. I heard her blow chunks immediately after shutting my door.
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Apr 7, 2018 06:18
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Warrior Princess posted:I’ve asked most nurses I know what the worst smell ever is and they all unanimously agree: Upper G.I. Bleed. Powerful fart
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Apr 7, 2018 06:47
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Warrior Princess posted:I’ve asked most nurses I know what the worst smell ever is and they all unanimously agree: Upper G.I. Bleed. 
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Apr 8, 2018 04:25
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Warrior Princess posted:I heard her blow chunks immediately after shutting my door. I love you.
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Apr 8, 2018 04:52
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 14:22 |
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A few months back, I stopped over at my mom's house for dinner. She's been on Weight Watchers for a while now, so her diet has obviously dramatically changed. She puts together a great stew and she informed me that she was making some that evening, so hey, good deal. I finally get over there at about 8 p.m. I'd been up since 5 a.m., worked all day, didn't get a chance to eat. I'm ready to gobble this stuff down. Well, the stews I'm used to had a ton of meat, potatoes, etc. in them. There was still some meat, but I don't recall many potatoes if any. What I do recall was barley, tomatoes, other veggies and drat near every bean or variant thereof that you can think of. It was essentially a very thick vegetable soup, but still smelled and tasted delicious. As I mentioned, I was absolutely famished and destroyed three large bowls of this stuff in short order. My stomach now going to work, I headed home and read a bit before getting all wrapped up and warm to drift off to sleep. Then the farting started. Now, my SO and I are very comfortable around each other. Farting is what it is, we acknowledge human bodily functions, all that. However, this evening, my rear end did a great rendition of me whenever I try (and fail) to hold in a laugh whenever reading something on SA while trying to be very quiet as she's sleeping. That "PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT" noise only much louder. As the hour went on, if you've heard vinyl tearing, you would assume I was lying down doing so. I blew a few impressive blasts and thought, "Okay, the worst is surely over." Well, no. I did everything I could to shield my beloved from the blasts, but much like the Great War of 2077, there was nowhere to run. The aroma that would take over the bedroom was dank and full of sadness. I didn't sleep at all that night. I just laid there squirming as my GI system expanded and contracted to result in me blasting rear end every five to ten minutes. You may or may not believe in God, but there was some ethereal force playing me like a human bagpipe.
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Apr 8, 2018 05:19
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