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Forged in Fire but you have to make a bong and get the judges high with it
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Apr 16, 2018 02:31
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I'm like Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but instead of bathing in a pool I'm bathing in my TV's light and as I walk in slow mo, I don't drop my top, I drop a Gamecube controller.
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Apr 16, 2018 14:39
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Chill Times at Ridgemont High, Phobe Cates slowly rises out of a kiddy pool full of weed |
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Apr 16, 2018 14:42
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That scene from Basic Instinct, but when I uncross my legs you can see that instead of underwear I'm wearing a Power Glove on my hog. The policeman leans to the other and says, "I love the power glove, it's so... bad."
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Apr 16, 2018 14:46
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Burt Reynolds laying naked on an NES Power Pad
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Apr 16, 2018 15:09
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Man vs Machine in the ultimate competition, Power Pad racing. |
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Apr 16, 2018 15:55
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How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I ride into the temple backwards on an ox. |
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Apr 16, 2018 16:14
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*TV ad* Hello and welcome to Crazy Charlie's Coffin Emporium! This weekend only, up to 40% off all coffins in the closing down sale (I swear this time)! Got a dead person? No problem, here at Crazy Charlie's if you pay in cash we'll sew their eyes up free of charge! That's right, free eye sowing this weekend only!! Person not quite dead yet? Don't worry, Crazy Charlie doesn't ask questions! Coffins going out the door so you better get in quick! |
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Apr 16, 2018 17:23
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pianist at a piano bar who keeps mishearing the shouted out requests and playing deep cuts instead "play piano man by billy joel!" "allentown by billy joel? OK, here goes" "imagine by john lennon!" "glass onion by john lennon? love that beatles tune!" "can you play somewhere over the rainbow?" "mastodon's blood and thunder? there's no piano part in it but i'll give it a shot!" |
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Apr 16, 2018 17:43
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Neil Young is now Neil Old. |
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Apr 17, 2018 03:13
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Bruce Cockburn comes out as Bruce Cockburn. |
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Apr 17, 2018 03:58
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At last, our national nightmare is over. Congress has passed legislation allowing child models to expunge elements of their work done prior to adulthood. At last, they can declaim the images of their eight year-old selves adorning the box art for bedwetting diapers forevermore.
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Apr 17, 2018 06:30
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Tech bro: "Uber, but for weed!!!!" |
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Apr 17, 2018 11:43
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Farecoal posted:Tech bro: "Uber, but for weed!!!!" This thread is like uber, but for jokes |
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Apr 17, 2018 12:07
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Juggalyft - Uber but for Juggaloes
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Apr 17, 2018 14:08
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apparently the plural of juggalo is juggalos, this is my Dan Quayle "potatoe" moment 
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Apr 17, 2018 14:12
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A sentence Duolingo just made me translate: "No, I am not a banana" But I imagine it being said in a crummy soap opera. Maybe a scene where the protagonist finally takes a stance against their accusers and shakes their fists angrily at them yelling, "no, I am not a banana!!" |
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Apr 17, 2018 14:17
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krampster2 posted:A sentence Duolingo just made me translate: "No, I am not a banana" bananas in pajamas' children dramatically denying their heritage |
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Apr 17, 2018 14:39
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krampster2 posted:*TV ad* Speaking of dying horribly, I recently learned about Ontario's Zap the Safety Bird. He teaches children about high voltage wires by getting blown to hell and back. We could do a whole thread of animals teaching children about the dangers of life. Lemmy the Lead Eating Lemming, Guthrie the Sewer Safety Gator, Heppy the Hypodermic, and cetera |
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Apr 17, 2018 15:19
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alnilam posted:bananas in pajamas' children dramatically denying their heritage rofl ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Speaking of dying horribly, I recently learned about Ontario's Zap the Safety Bird. He teaches children about high voltage wires by getting blown to hell and back. I like how that poster was made by an energy company. "Hey kids, please don't die touching our wires or your parents will embroil us in a costly legal case." |
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Apr 17, 2018 16:34
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where did you come from? where have you gone? where did you come from, cotton eye bong? |
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Apr 17, 2018 18:57
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Ace of Baes posted:where did you come from? where have you gone? vv 
Ride The Gravitron fucked around with this message at 19:07 on Apr 17, 2018 |
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Apr 17, 2018 19:04
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Ace of Baes posted:where did you come from? where have you gone? |
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Apr 17, 2018 19:05
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you guys are married now
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Apr 17, 2018 19:07
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yeah, thats how i got married the third and seventh times. |
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Apr 17, 2018 19:25
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I was planning to rob the strip club but when I went I had to call it off because there was a policeman inside, and a fireman, and a cowboy |
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Apr 18, 2018 03:20
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Funeral-themed cocktails |
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Apr 18, 2018 06:21
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You enter the office. Your interviewer (an older middle-aged gentleman) is sitting behind a desk, completely empty except for a nameplate, some pens, and some sheets of paper. He greets you, and invites you to take a seat. After a bit of idle chitchat, he asks if you would like some candy. You feel a bit confused, because you don't see any candy at his desk. But wanting to be polite, you say yes. Your interviewer scoots back from the desk, stands up, and reaches around behind himself, at the waist. He produces a bag of knockoff M&Ms. He asks you to put out your hand. The bag is obviously open. This is a job with a $500,000 a year salary, potentially. Whatchu gonna do? ---------------- |
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Apr 18, 2018 23:43
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im good with knockoff m&ms 
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Apr 19, 2018 00:05
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I take only the blue and green M&Ms as this is clearly some kind of new psychological test. |
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Apr 19, 2018 01:13
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Farecoal posted:im good with knockoff m&ms Congrats, you're a VP! krampster2 posted:I take only the blue and green M&Ms as this is clearly some kind of new psychological test. Looks like we've got our new CEO! ---------------- |
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Apr 19, 2018 02:11
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Hanging by my teeth from a car's bumper thinking, "The dogs were right this is pretty great." |
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Apr 19, 2018 03:34
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Hanging by my teeth from a car's bumper thinking, "The dogs were right this is pretty great." "It's stupid when a dog does it, because they're just operating from instinct. Me, I'm a rational human being, so I can personally justify myself doing it!" ---------------- |
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Apr 19, 2018 04:22
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sebmojo posted:Funeral-themed cocktails If you drink like I do, this might be all of them.
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Apr 19, 2018 11:16
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Hanging by my teeth from a car's bumper thinking, "The dogs were right this is pretty great."
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Apr 19, 2018 16:41
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I tried to get a book printed today and they told me I have to write it first. Buddy, then what am I paying you for? |
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Apr 20, 2018 00:09
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:I tried to get a book printed today and they told me I have to write it first. Buddy, then what am I paying you for? No respect, I tell ya! |
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Apr 20, 2018 02:01
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I told my boy "Finish your homework then you can throw the ball with your old man." He says, "Can I do my homework twice?" I tried to take my dog for a walk, but he wouldn't go out with the likes of me. Every morning my dog gets the paper and takes it to the neighbor's house. |
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Apr 20, 2018 03:29
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:I told my boy "Finish your homework then you can throw the ball with your old man." He says, "Can I do my homework twice?" lol I can't tell if these are actually his jokes or if you're just nailing his shtick |
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Apr 20, 2018 04:14
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| # ? May 24, 2024 19:47 |
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Rodney Dangerfield: People ask me if I'm a tit or an rear end man. I guess rear end, because people keep telling me, "You're an rear end, man!"
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Apr 20, 2018 11:02
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