Texas Concealed Carry Law And You - Let's Read Monster Hunter International

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LostRook: Jun 7, 2013

Mel Mudkiper posted:

I straight up don't even know what you're talking about

Your argument that Skippy is subhuman vs the vampires being nonhuman because of agency. It's just a little ways back. Perhaps you shouldn't talk smack about reading comprehension?

PetraCore posted:

No my thesis is that building a character from lovely colonial tropes is a bad thing. Which was literally said in the post you quoted as 'good analysis'. It's a bad thing even if it's later subverted.

The thing about lovely racist or sexist stereotypes is there's times you can't avoid potentially falling into some of them no matter what you write, because often there's double-binds built in so that the people involved can never truly win. A promiscuous woman is a slut, a woman who isn't promiscuous is a frigid bitch, a woman who stays at home with the kids is submissive and boring, a woman that prioritizes her career is cold, ambitious, and trying to 'act like a man', a woman who does both is asking for too much. I use those examples because attitudes towards women are some of the most pervasive 'can't win' scenarios because it's so varied.

But anyway, the solution isn't to avoid writing anything that could potentially be seen as a stereotype, because that leaves you, say, with no way to write women, avoiding writing academically successful Asian characters, making sure you don't write black characters that are too athletic or too emotional or who get angry at all or ever come from a situation of less than middle class socioeconomic status while being able to write straight white cis guys in whatever way you like. The solution is to build your characters up as real people with agency, motivations, and emotional range, doing your research and writing them as a person first while acknowledging unique experiences they might have.

What are the stereotypes about nonhuman characters? Your solution to building characters up is calling them subhuman within 2 pages of appearing?

And yes I called it good analysis, but I wouldn't necessarily say I agree with it completely. After all Skippy operating a complex mechanical device like a helicopter doesn't really fit the colonial tradition, or Mel's characterization of Skippy as a subhuman imbecile. Rather that seems like breaking from the mold as you suggest to be a good thing.

# ? Apr 16, 2018 22:52

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 03:46

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

LostRook posted:

And yes I called it good analysis, but I wouldn't necessarily say I agree with it completely. After all Skippy operating a complex mechanical device like a helicopter doesn't really fit the colonial tradition, or Mel's characterization of Skippy as a subhuman imbecile. Rather that seems like breaking from the mold as you suggest to be a good thing.

Seriously, look further into the Man Friday thing, because I don't think you know what you're talking about as far as colonial stereotypes, or rather, you only know some of them. And Mel never called him an imbecile.

# ? Apr 16, 2018 22:55

LostRook: Jun 7, 2013

You sure about that?

Mel Mudkiper posted:

No, its because he is a wholly subservient imbecile who is essentially owned by MHI and gleefully serves them

I'm aware of the trope, and also aware that significant subversion exists in this portrayal from the little bit we've seen. Analysis written before reading is boring.

# ? Apr 16, 2018 22:56

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

LostRook posted:

Your argument that Skippy is subhuman vs the vampires being nonhuman because of agency. It's just a little ways back. Perhaps you shouldn't talk smack about reading comprehension?

Actually vampires in these books are also portrayed as subhuman despite their power because of the lack of free will involved in the 'always evil' thing, whereas Skippy is (at least initially) portrayed as subhuman because he's played off as a joke and fits into certain colonial-era stereotypes used to dehumanize people.

I called vampires nonhuman because I wasn't making that exact distinction when I posted, then you compared my use of the word nonhuman to Mel's use of the word subhuman, when we were talking about two different ways to analyze it. Because Mel didn't point that you you then said Mel was contradicting himself or herself.

# ? Apr 16, 2018 22:59

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Anyway, this is boring, why don't you pull up analysis or evidence for some of your positions?

# ? Apr 16, 2018 23:00

LostRook: Jun 7, 2013

PetraCore posted:

Anyway, this is boring, why don't you pull up analysis or evidence for some of your positions?

Sure. My position is that you aren't very good at reading. My evidence:

PetraCore posted:

Seriously, look further into the Man Friday thing, because I don't think you know what you're talking about as far as colonial stereotypes, or rather, you only know some of them. And Mel never called him an imbecile.

Mel Mudkiper posted:

No, its because he is a wholly subservient imbecile who is essentially owned by MHI and gleefully serves them

PetraCore posted:

Actually vampires in these books are also portrayed as subhuman despite their power because of the lack of free will involved in the 'always evil' thing, whereas Skippy is (at least initially) portrayed as subhuman because he's played off as a joke and fits into certain colonial-era stereotypes used to dehumanize people.

I called vampires nonhuman because I wasn't making that exact distinction when I posted, then you compared my use of the word nonhuman to Mel's use of the word subhuman, when we were talking about two different ways to analyze it. Because Mel didn't point that you you then said Mel was contradicting himself or herself.

Why are responding to my discussion with Mel about his use of 'subhuman'? He specifically said that vampires had more agency and never posted beyond this sad comparison.

Mel Mudkiper posted:

non-human suggests something which is not human.
sub-human suggests something beneath human

Vampires are non-human, Skippy is clearly subhuman as well as non-human.

I would suggest humanity has more to do with agency than with skills

LostRook fucked around with this message at 23:07 on Apr 16, 2018

# ? Apr 16, 2018 23:04

JUST MAKING CHILI: Feb 14, 2008

This derail loving sucks. Can we get back to the MHI read-a-long?

# ? Apr 16, 2018 23:29

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

JUST MAKING CHILI posted:

This derail loving sucks. Can we get back to the MHI read-a-long?

Yeah, LostRook got the last word in, so mission accomplished for him. Let�s get back to making fun of this unconsciously racist, libertarian hack please.

# ? Apr 16, 2018 23:39

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Do you think Larry is aware that Buffy the Vampire Slayer popularized his cutting-edge takedown of movie tropes with Holly over 20 years ago?

# ? Apr 16, 2018 23:43

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

That derail would've been much more worthwhile if it was a debate trying to figure out if vampires poop.

We never did figure that out.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 00:15

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

quote:

That night I slept in my comfortable and familiar bed at the MHI compound. The barracks were clean and roach free. I passed out within minutes of getting home.

My dreams were confusing. I saw an enormous cargo plane take off from an airfield somewhere far in the bleak north. It was a giant, unfamiliar, four-engined monstrosity, bellowing smoke and noise. Inside, the plane was packed with boxes, cargo and even some recently butchered livestock. A man stood near the rear door of the huge cargo plane. He did not need to hold onto anything, despite the uneven vibrations and turbulence, and I knew that he would stand the entire long trip. Unmoving, arms folded, legs wide, thick fur cloak covering most of his features, black eyes staring unceasingly in the direction of his destination.

His face was a mass of black tattoos, giving the illusion of a leering skull. In my dream the ink on his skin moved.

After a stop at the dentist in Montgomery to fix his broken teeth from Franks, Pitt and the best newbies have been invited to the conference room to discuss the situation. Julie briefs them on the dead guy in the house on the coast, Dr. Jonas Turley. As suggested by the contents of his bookshelf and study, he was one of the premier experts on ancient American cultures from Alaska to Argentina. His last book prepared for publishing at the time of his dead was on Native American religious sites and their significance, the Places of Power that Lord Machado is looking for.

quote:

"What does this artifact do?" the senior Shackleford asked.

"I'm the historian; ask the psychic." She pointed at me.

"I'm no psychic. I just have a strange old Jewish man that visits me in my dreams and takes me on wild and crazy adventures�hey, that sounds like a children's book."

"What does the artifact do?" repeated the head boss patiently.

"I don't really know. But I was told that the evil comes. The Cursed One will bring it. We stop it if we can, if not time will die."

"Time will die?"

"That's what the Old Man told me. I saw a storm coming. It brought Armageddon with it."

"I see. That would probably be bad. Carry on, Jules," Mr. Shackleford ordered.

Julie continued, "We need to figure out what this Place of Power is. Then we can get there first and set a trap."

"For seven Master vamps? How are we going to pull that off?" Sam asked. "We got any nuclear weapons stashed?"

"Well, actually�ouch!" Milo started to speak and Harbinger painfully kicked him under the table. Whoa. I had no idea what we had stashed in the basement, but I wasn't even willing to consider that. I forcefully banished the thought of Milo Anderson armed with a thermonuclear weapon out of my brain.

Doesn't that just make you feel safe?

They've checked the archives for everything they can on Lord Machado, but are coming up empty. There's a mention of how whatever occurred in December 1995 also burned down most of the archives, but Harbinger still won't spill the details on what happened. Milo says that there's one person who knew the archives better than anyone and could help them, but every single other veteran hunter at the table has a rather harsh reaction.

quote:

"Milo, don't be stupid," Julie snapped. She visibly paled at whatever the red-bearded man was suggesting. I had never seen anything shake her like that before.

"But if this artifact is really going to end time or blow up the world or whatever, don't you think it is worth the risk?" Milo argued. "This isn't just a normal case. We're talking about some serious stuff. He's mad at all of us, but he would talk to Julie."

"But I don't want her to talk to him. He's dangerous," Harbinger stated flatly.

"Earl, he's still her dad. He wouldn't try to hurt her."

"I've got ninety-seven dead Hunters that say otherwise. End of discussion, Milo. Don't bring it up again."

I guess there's some family drama in our future!

quote:

"We could knock Pitt out, and see if he has any more dreams," Grant offered.

"Or I could try to divine the future with your entrails. I hear that works with chickens," I replied. He glared at me. Julie shook her head in resignation. I had never promised to play nice.

Milo finally suggests that they visit the Elf Queen, which causes Trip to nearly drop his croissant. They explain that JRR Tolkien knew some hunters back in the day and based some of his writings on their stories, but not to get too excited since he didn't always write it down accurately. Regardless, Trip is a giant nerd and ready to see him some elves.

quote:

The Hind set down in Booneville, Mississippi, a few hours later. Our target was actually closer to the town of Corinth, but Skippy refused to land any closer to the Enchanted Forest than we had to. He did not share his reasons, and Milo Anderson, who was leading our little expedition, did not feel the need to argue about it. Luckily for us there was a place in town to rent a car. Sadly, the only available choice was a Ford Escort station wagon. The air conditioning wheezed, hissed and died before we had gone five miles heading north on 45.

"Now when we get to the Enchanted Forest, don't speak unless spoken to. And try not to stare at them. They find that insulting."

"Because they're so beautiful?" Trip asked.

"Uh . . . probably something like that." Milo was driving. I was in the passenger seat, knees crushed uncomfortably into my chest. Spacious interior leg room my rear end. Trip and Holly were in the backseat. When it came to monster research or interviewing Dr. Turley's associates, most of the Newbie squad was pretty useless at the compound. Lee was having a great time exploring and organizing dusty books and journals back at the archives. He had found his niche. As for the rest of us, we were still working on that. I decided that the hole in my gums was done bleeding and I spit the wad of gauze out the window. The Novocain had worn off and my face hurt.

Milo continued speaking, stroking his beard absently. Today he had removed the beads and was going with just a simple braid. He had dressed up for the occasion with a purple paisley shirt and green pants. "Let me do the talking. Etiquette is very important to their people. If they ask a question, answer it, but don't try to make small talk. They can be very touchy and secretive."

"I bet it's because they're so ancient and wise," Trip said. Holly put her finger in her mouth and made a gagging noise.

Milo finally drowns them out by turning up the radio on cheesy Spanish love songs. They stop in Corinth at the Piggly Wiggly to pick up a shopping cart full of supplies while the newbies sit on the tailgate with sodas trying not to die in the heat.

quote:

Milo drank a Sprite while we headed out of Corinth. He pointed out a spot on the map. "Here is the Enchanted Forest. The locals pretty much know to leave it alone. Now for future reference, this area over here is known as Natchy Bottom. Do not ever go there. MHI has had a few cases in the Bottoms over the last hundred years. There are some places on Earth that you just shouldn't mess with, some out west, a couple in Maine, one in the New Jersey pine barrens, places that are just pure evil. That is one of them. That place is just plain bad. The people that live out there are pretty strange and keep to themselves. Heck, they didn't get electricity until the late '90s. There is some crazy stuff back in those woods that you just don't want to mess with." He did not elaborate further.

We took a series of turns, heading deeper and deeper in the hills. The few scattered houses we passed became shoddier and older as we went. The last few houses we saw were so dilapidated that it was surprising that anyone was able to live in them, but lights were on, and dogs roamed the trash-filled yards. The woods grew thicker, older and darker. It rained briefly out of the clear hot sky. The rain was warm, and quickly passed, serving only to increase the already brutal humidity.
Finally we stopped in front of a small sign. It read enchanted forest in big letters, and trailer park in smaller letters underneath.

"Probably a trick to keep outsiders away," Trip told us. Milo sneezed loudly as he had an allergy attack. The Escort's tires crunched over pea gravel as we entered the Enchanted Forest.

You can see where this is going.

quote:

It looked like a trailer park to me, and a rundown one at that. The trailers were rusty and old. Cardboard served as windows in places. Garbage and beer cans were strewn everywhere. Milo swerved around what appeared to be a pile of used disposable diapers. There were a few old cars, but it had been a long time since they had been mobile. Most of them were up on jacks or cinder blocks, tires long since rotted away. There was no life to be seen other than a couple of mangy dogs trying to stay in the shade. I could hear the sound of televisions through some of the open doors. Somewhere a baby cried.

Milo stopped the car in front of a double-wide trailer with a no-longer-used giant satellite dish rusting in front. A rudimentary porch had been built out of scrap lumber. A recliner and a big faded couch were on the porch, and a fat, greasy dog was sleeping on the cushions. We exited our little vehicle. Heavy black flies landed on us to check if we were edible.

"Wha chu want?" a voice shouted from inside.

"We bring gifts," Milo replied.

"I didn't order no free Bible off o' the TV, so git," the voice replied.

"We are here to speak with the Elf Queen."

It was quiet except for the sound of a professional wrestling match blaring on the TV. Trip looked hopeful. Holly adjusted her pistol under her shirt. She still wasn't used to packing heat, and she kept touching it nervously. Finally the owner of the voice appeared in the doorway.

He was tall and very skinny, wearing a stained wife-beater tank top and a puffy trucker hat. His blond hair was long and stringy. His fingertips were stained yellow from nicotine, and his teeth were crooked when he smiled. His features were fine, and sharply pointed ears stuck out from under his mullet. "Well, if it ain't some Hunters. Come to see the Queen. Well, she be busy, so git, 'fore I sic the dogs on ya." He pointed at the fat dog on the couch. It regarded us sullenly, but it must have decided that it was too hot to growl.

"We have brought gifts," Milo said casually. He opened the back of the little station wagon. The trailer park elf regarded us with suspicion in his beady blue eyes before he stepped off the porch and looked at our purchases from the Piggly Wiggly. He whistled when he saw the contents. Milo had bought several cases of Budweiser and ten cartons of Marlboro lights.

"I'se go get her. See if she wants to speak at chu." He grabbed a carton of cigarettes, stuffed it under his tank top, and headed for the trailer. We could hear him yelling from the yard. "Rondel! You'se got company."

Trailer park elves. Trip is going to have a coronary.

Milo guides them inside (keeping Holly from trying to reject the invitation, since these are still elves) as Kid Rock with Spock ears kicks the dog off the couch for them.

quote:

"Queen Ilrondelia will be out in a sec. Y'all want a beer?" That was a mighty generous offer considering that we had just paid for it.

"No thanks," said Milo. The rest of us followed the experienced Hunter's lead and turned him down as well. Trip really looked like he could use one though. I think the ugly truth was just sinking in. Kind of like when you are young and you eventually learn that your heroes are only human, only I imagined that this was probably a whole lot worse.

The Elf Queen appeared in the doorway. Perhaps filled the doorway would be a better description. She was probably pretty close to me in weight, but about two feet shorter. She was wearing a flaming red muumuu and white bunny slippers. Her arms dangled fat rolls, and I stopped counting chins at number five. Her blond hair was up in curlers, and her blue eyes were beady between layers of lard. Other than the pointy ears, there was not much magical here. She was a definite candidate for gastric bypass surgery.

"Presenting Queen Ilrondelia. Ruler of the Elves of the Enchanted Forest. Mistress of all she sur-vaaays. Y'all have a good un." He popped a Budweiser and went back into the trailer to watch wrestling. The Queen waddled over to her Lazy Boy recliner/throne and flopped into it with a satisfied grunt.

"Your Majesty. We have come to ask for your wisdom. We seek knowledge," Milo told her.

"I don't do spells no mo. I'm on disability. I done hurt my back. Get me a check from the gubmint, says I can't do no spells no mo," she said in a very plump and semiliterate voice.

This is a level of ridiculous that I can't help but laugh at, regardless of how offensive it is.

The Queen is indeed aware of Lord Machado's appearance in America, and says that he was once a man who came to what's now Brazil back when elves were still restricted to Europe. He struck a deal with the Old Ones and ended up cursed. He wanted to turn back time to revive a lost love, rather than destroy it. She doesn't know much more, just what she's heard from her European cousins who don't call no' mo'.

quote:

"Do you know why he is here now?" Milo asked. She shrugged her meaty shoulders. Her muumuu had ranch-dressing stains on it. "Can you sense where he is now?"

"No, but I reckon right now he's near water. Cain't say why I know, but I know."

Fat lot of good that did us. You couldn't swing a dead cat in the South without hitting a body of water.

"Do you know about an artifact that can kill time?"

"Lots of artifacts out there I reckon. I'd have to see it to tell y'all."

"Do you know about a Place of Power nearby?" I asked.

"Boy, don't y'all go messing wit that. Humans ain't equip-ed to deal wit that stuff."

"He's looking for a Place of Power."

"They are all over the place. Especially this land, can't go no place wit out being someplace right powerful. Good thing they ain't active mos' of the time. Only some times when the sun or the moon or the stars is just in the right spot and that only happens so many times in a life, an' I ain't talking 'bout no short little human life. Stuff gots to line up jus' right to have a Place of Power."

"Do you know where the next one is going to be?"

Another shrug. "Y'all about done? Wheel of Fortune comes on in a minute."

"Well, that is what we came for, your Majesty. Thank you for your time," Milo said.

Suddenly there was a horrible high-pitched screech. I jumped, startled off of the urine couch. Something the size of a bird was stuck in the bug zapper. Blue flashes and sparks fell to the porch as the device swung wildly from its chain. The Elf Queen took off one of her bunny slippers and hurled it against the zapper. The slipper hit true, and what appeared to be a tiny human with butterfly wings buzzed hurriedly away. "drat pixies! Stay offa my porch!" the Elf Queen shouted as she shook her blubbery fist in the air.

Milo gingerly picked up the slipper and handed it back.

"Y'all be careful. I don't know whas coming, but I can feel it. Sumpin big is coming. If it ain't stopped, then I figure we all done in." She put her slipper back on, and leveraged herself to her feet. She lumbered into the double-wide while we excused ourselves and stepped off of the porch. She stopped in the doorway, turned and shouted.

"Which one of y'all is the dreamer?"

Milo nudged me to respond.

"I guess I am, ma'am."

"You seen the tattoo man. The one with the ink?"

"Yes, ma'am. I have." That was a surprise. I had just thought that was a normal dream.

"If'n you see him fo' real. Run. He ain't nothin' but the spirit of hurt and revenge."

"What do you know about him? Who is he?"

"I don't know, but I seen him in my dreams too. Y'all run. Run fast as y'all can go. He ain't on nobody's side, not good not evil." She started to waddle away, but then thought better of it.

"Dreamer. One last thing. Y'all got a mission. Don't screw up. Or we all git dead. This here is serious, and I ain't just funnin' ya." She regarded me solemnly. "As Queen of the Enchanted Forest, I order y'all not to fail. Kill the bad un, or it's all over."

"What's all over?" I asked.

"Everything . . . Now git. Wheel of Fortune is on." She turned away and the red muumuu swished. An argument started up immediately between the residents of the double-wide over game shows versus WWF.

"Let's get the hell out of this hole," Holly said. We all agreed. Trip almost looked like he could cry.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 00:24

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Renegret posted:

That derail would've been much more worthwhile if it was a debate trying to figure out if vampires poop.

We never did figure that out.

I mean I would think not since, as I understand, the blood acts as pure life force. Not sure if it leaves any waste products after being metabolized

# ? Apr 17, 2018 00:27

JUST MAKING CHILI: Feb 14, 2008

Nice shoutout to King with the evil in Maine thing.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 01:18

Choco1980: Feb 22, 2013; I fell in love with a Video Nasty

Mel Mudkiper posted:

I mean I would think not since, as I understand, the blood acts as pure life force. Not sure if it leaves any waste products after being metabolized

Shoot, even if it does, it's liquid, so I would think it'd be all pee.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 05:41

Vox Valentine: May 31, 2013; Solving all of life's problems through enhanced casting of Occam's Razor. Reward yourself with an imaginary chalice.

Okay I want Trip to be the protagonist now.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 06:08

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Choco1980 posted:

Shoot, even if it does, it's liquid, so I would think it'd be all pee.

That's not how it works. Pee is stuff filtered out of your blood and dissolved in water to be flushed out of your system (majorly ammonia processed into urea, but there's other stuff in there too). Poop is everything that's gone through your digestive tract and that couldn't be processed and absorbed by your body. If you were on a liquid diet, you'd still poop because your intestinal lining would absorb the water.

EDIT: drinking lots of water makes you pee partially bc your body can afford to 'spend' the water to pee and partially to get rid of excess water if you're drinking, like, a lot.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 06:36

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Choco1980 posted:

Shoot, even if it does, it's liquid, so I would think it'd be all pee.

It's not a pure liquid. It's a suspension with all sorts of protein-based substances in it. And, even if it is a carrier for life force, it would still have some solids and such that would require elimination.

Of course, this is all dependant on what vampire mythos you subscribe to.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 07:13

Drunken Baker: Feb 3, 2015; VODKA STYLE DRINK

So why hasn't this dude sued Max Landis over "Bright" yet? Skippy is clearly an Orc with his tribalism and love of Heavy Metal. Ok, the Elves in Bright were in the upper echelons of the social standing, but that film even had the "Pixie in the bug zapper" gag.

edit: I know this isn't unique to MHW or Bright or whatever... it was more the Pixie in the bug zapper that stood out there and I just wanted to make a daft wee comparison.

I swear there was a film that covered Vampires pooping and they did it like birds. Just a huge slurry of dead blood cells fired out their assholes.

Drunken Baker fucked around with this message at 09:09 on Apr 17, 2018

# ? Apr 17, 2018 08:54

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Drunken Baker posted:

I swear there was a film that covered Vampires pooping and they did it like birds. Just a huge slurry of dead blood cells fired out their assholes.

I've never seen What We Do in the Shadows, but it feels like it must be this.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 13:42

StonecutterJoe: Mar 29, 2016

Drunken Baker posted:

I swear there was a film that covered Vampires pooping and they did it like birds. Just a huge slurry of dead blood cells fired out their assholes.

The movie adaptation of Stephen King's Night Flyer had a vampire pissing blood, which is close. (And was seen through the bathroom mirror, so the hero just sees this stream of blood spraying into the urinal from an invisible vamp-ween)

# ? Apr 17, 2018 13:58

Professor Bling: Nov 12, 2008; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

LostRook posted:

After all Skippy operating a complex mechanical device like a helicopter doesn't really fit the colonial tradition, or Mel's characterization of Skippy as a subhuman imbecile. Rather that seems like breaking from the mold as you suggest to be a good thing.

There's a later book where the orcs throw a live chicken into the Hind's tailrotor as a sacrifice for the "tailrotor spirits" to "fix" the helicopter mid-chase, and in another instance one of the MHI guys admits he sneaks out to *actually* fix the Hind because the orcs "think welding is black magic"

So yeah, pretty problematic

Edit: my dad, the hardcore pro-Trump redneck, found out I liked the first few seasons of Supernatural and bought me all the books for Kindle, and yes, it gets worse. But they work for hangover books.

Professor Bling fucked around with this message at 14:04 on Apr 17, 2018

# ? Apr 17, 2018 14:01

Drunken Baker: Feb 3, 2015; VODKA STYLE DRINK

chitoryu12 posted:

I've never seen What We Do in the Shadows, but it feels like it must be this.

In WWDIS one Vamp spews up a the amount of blood that shoots out of Johnny Depp's bed in Elm Street because he eats real food. I swear it was like that, but out of a fella arse.

I'll admit that maybe I'm just imagining it because I want it to be real so bad.

Professor Bling posted:

There's a later book where the orcs throw a live chicken into the Hind's tailrotor as a sacrifice for the "tailrotor spirits" to "fix" the helicopter mid-chase, and in another instance one of the MHI guys admits he sneaks out to *actually* fix the Hind because the orcs "think welding is black magic"

Hahahahahaha. Goodness me. for one small moment (before the revelation that someone else fixes the chopper) I though that'd be a cool kinda blend of Warhammer Ork logic where if they BELIEVE in something hard enough magic makes it real.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 14:11

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Professor Bling posted:

There's a later book where the orcs throw a live chicken into the Hind's tailrotor as a sacrifice for the "tailrotor spirits" to "fix" the helicopter mid-chase, and in another instance one of the MHI guys admits he sneaks out to *actually* fix the Hind because the orcs "think welding is black magic"

So yeah, pretty problematic

Current status: an ever-growing :smug:

that eventually engulfs the sun

# ? Apr 17, 2018 14:14

Darth Walrus: Feb 13, 2012

Drunken Baker posted:

In WWDIS one Vamp spews up a the amount of blood that shoots out of Johnny Depp's bed in Elm Street because he eats real food. I swear it was like that, but out of a fella arse.

I'll admit that maybe I'm just imagining it because I want it to be real so bad.

Hahahahahaha. Goodness me. for one small moment (before the revelation that someone else fixes the chopper) I though that'd be a cool kinda blend of Warhammer Ork logic where if they BELIEVE in something hard enough magic makes it real.

Or, alternatively, they�re totally right about the helicopter-spirit and all the others, so the Hind�s regular crew end up having to fly it through a flock of geese every so often to appease it, and the company�s guns need therapy sessions with a trained animistic psychiatrist every few missions in order to keep working right.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 14:26

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

quote:

We drove back into town to grab some lunch and call in our findings to headquarters. We stopped at a Subway in Corinth. It felt good to be back in civilization. People were friendly, the cars weren't on jacks, and I was relatively certain that nothing had urinated on my seat. Trip had not spoken since leaving the Enchanted Forest. We ordered our sandwiches and sat in a corner booth. Milo stepped outside for a little privacy while he called headquarters.

"That really sucked," Trip finally said around a mouthful of food.

Holly was serious for once. "I really am sorry. Forget about the nerd teasing. It's tough when your illusions get shattered. I know about that. Trust me I do, but you will feel better."

"It's just that I got my hopes up. You have to understand, I loved my life. I loved teaching kids. When it all went to hell, I just couldn't go back. Once I found out what ugliness was out there, the magic was gone. Everything became bleak. So when I got the chance to fight evil, I took it, plus�don't get me wrong�the massive pay raise helped too; I'm not fighting evil for free or anything na�ve like that. But come on now, with so much secret evil in the world, I thought for just a minute that there might be a secret good. I just got really excited. Maybe the magic was still out there, you know?"

I nodded. Personally I was still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I had just seen a pixie and was apparently having visions. I looked at the mushrooms on my sandwich suspiciously.

"I'm sure there is a greater good out there that offsets the evil, Trip. You will find it someday, just don't give up hope. You have seen the dark, but for every dark thing, there is light," Holly said, and patted him on the back of the hand. That was possibly the kindest and most upbeat thing that I had ever heard out of Holly Newcastle. Of course she immediately followed it with, "But if I have to deal with another stupid elf and their mystic crap I swear I'm going to shoot them all in their stupid inbred hick faces and burn their stupid trailer park down."

Milo came back and slid into the booth. He tore into his sandwich with a vengeance. "Don't let me forget to pick up a sub for Skippy too. He loves tuna salad," he mumbled with his mouth full.

Pitt asks for more details on what Milo suggested back at the compound about asking Julie's dad for help. He denies being anything more than the gadget guy and occasionally rebuking evil spirits, and complains a little about not getting enough respect; Pitt tries to use that to appeal to him, but Milo sees through it immediately and keeps his lips shut.

quote:

"You really rebuke evil spirits?" Trip asked. "Cast them out like in the Bible?"

"Sort of. Hey, I'm a Mormon. Every team has to have at least one person with a little faith. Not all problems can be solved by shooting the heck out of them. Well, most problems can. If not, then high explosives can really be your friend, but every now and then you just need to put your faith against the bad guys. For most Hunters that's a losing proposition, so that's why company policy is that if it don't have a physical body, take it up with the religious authority of your choice. Sometimes we don't get a choice in the matter though. . . ." He slurped noisily from his straw. "Look guys, back to the subject, I grew up in Idaho, the youngest of fourteen kids. So family's important to me. When most of them got eaten, MHI became my family. And I'm loyal, so if Earl doesn't want me to tell you about '95 then I'm not gonna do it."

Oh hey, the most religious guy in a book written by a Mormon is the token Mormon!

After making sure nobody else is listening, Milo tells Pitt that it's really obvious that the only reason he's so interested in what happened in December 1995 and the story of the Shackleford family is his crush on Julie. He asks Pitt if he can convince her to talk to her dad about the Cursed One.

quote:

"Really? Why would she listen to me? Did she tell you she liked me?" My hope spiked temporarily. Milo quickly brought me back down.

"No. But she thinks you have visions."

Someone get this poor man a sex doll dressed in tactical gear.

quote:

"I'm not going to lie to her."

"I don't want you to. But if the choice comes down to having the world blow up, or having a painful Shackleford family reunion, personally I would rather have the reunion."

"Why don't we just go speak to him ourselves?"

"He's real particular who he talks with," Milo whispered. Holly sounded the horn. She actually held it down for a full ten seconds. "Just stop by my workshop tonight, and we'll talk then. And I've got a piece of hardware I want you to try out. I think it might actually suit your personality."

"Little green book-keeper visor that clamps to my helmet?"

"Nah. Full auto, magazine-fed, 12-gauge shotgun."

My earlier hunch had been correct. Milo Anderson was a mad genius.

The drive back to Booneville and flight back to the compound is uneventful. Upon returning and giving his debrief about the Elf Queen, Pitt is taken to task by Julie for not bringing up the Tattooed Man from his dreams earlier, and she stomps off to try and research anything she can find on him.

Pitt is put on shooting range duty to help train the newbies. He picks up a new CZ 97B with an IWB holster to replace his lost Kimber (Dorcas makes sure the requisition comes out of his check) and stops by Milo's workshop that evening.

quote:

It was a corrugated steel building located behind the main office. All manner of tools and gadgets were hung on the walls. Drill presses, welders, machine tools and worktables filled almost every square foot of the large space, leaving only narrow foot trails to navigate through the mess. A large American flag was taped up on the far wall. Huge speakers mounted in the corners were playing Oingo Boingo. Sparks flew as Milo used a grinder on some sort of massive device that appeared to be a harpoon launcher. He lifted his plastic face shield when he saw me coming.

"Ooo-wen. What's up, my man?" He bobbed his head to "Only a Lad."

"Milo, what the hell is that thing?"

"Harpoon launcher."

"What for?"

"In case we need to harpoon something."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuuV8p9N0rk

Milo leads Pitt over to an automatic shotgun clamped in a vice.

quote:

"Saiga?" I asked. That was a Russian shotgun that was based upon the action of an AK.

"At first. On this one I mounted an adjustable ACE stock, with recoil pad of course, FAL pistol grip, holographic sight system, EOTech in particular, night vision compatible. Full rail system, so you can mount lights or IR illuminators, or as you can see here, a Tula 6G15 40mm grenade launcher, front-loading, single-shot. The barrel has been cut down to twelve inches, modified choke, gave it the Vang comp treatment also so the patterns are good and tight and recoil is softer. I modified the trigger group, so top position is safe, middle is full, bottom is semi. I've got the gas adjusted so you are looking at about 700 RPM on full."

6G15 is the obscure GRAU designation for the GP-25 grenade launcher.

quote:

He was speaking my language. "Don't these only come with five-shot magazines?"

"I've got a bunch of nine-round box mags, and two twenty-round drums. I've tested them all, all are reliable, but on full you can run through the nine rounder in a second, so use it sparingly. Go ahead, check it out."
I gently picked up the massive weapon. It was short, but it was thick and heavy, and that was while it was empty. Add almost a box of shells and a grenade and it would be even more so. I worked the action. The bolt was slick and the spring was powerful. Milo had thoughtfully added a shelf to the safety so that it could be operated with the trigger finger. It pointed better than it looked when I snapped it into position.
"What about specialty munitions?"

"There is a gas regulator at the end of the hand guard. I machined a new one so that it now has three positions. If you have the regulator in the right spot for the right ammo, it isn't going to malfunction."

I ran my finger along the regulator, and found detents for the different power levels. There was also a mystery button. When I pushed it a hinge unlocked, and an eight-inch, heavy-duty bayonet was released. The blade was absurdly sharp and thick. With a flick of the muzzle it locked into place with a snap. It was not the world's best-balanced spear, but I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of it.

"No freaking way. That is awesome."

"I got the idea off of Czech CZ52, but I improved it. It folds to the side, out of the way of the grenade launcher. You don't hardly even know it's there until you need it. Bottom edge is good cutting steel, on the top edge is a silver inlay. You stick this in a lycanthrope and it's going to know it."

"Why did you paint it brown?" I asked as I slowly turned the monstrous weapon over in my hands. It felt good. I realized I was grinning like an idiot.

He shrugged. "I'm tired of black guns. Everybody has black guns. I wanted this to be a little different. Plus black gets hot in the sun. I tried to give it kind of a desert-tiger-stripe thing. So do you like it?"

"Milo . . . This is the coolest gun I have ever seen in my life. And I've seen a lot of guns. How does it shoot?"

"Let's go find out. From what I've seen from you in practice, and from what Julie told me about your shooting on the freighter, I have been waiting for somebody worthy of Abomination."

Abomination? That was just too cool. Milo handed me a sack of loaded magazines. "Okay, just one more question. Exactly how many gun laws does this break?"

Milo's red eyebrows scrunched together in thought. He started to count on his fingers, and then thought better of it.

"All of them."

A few people have tried to make replica Abominations in various programs, or in one case on the Replica Prop Forum a real one based on a Post-86 dealer sample full auto Saiga. This is the closest I've found to the actual gun:

They take Abomination out to the range, where obviously it shoots absolutely perfectly and the use of detachable magazines lets it reload faster than Pitt's hand trick with the Remington. He even fires some flour practice grenades and a few HE rounds to test out the grenade launcher. Milo officially bequeaths Abomination to him as its beta tester, which he admits is bribery to get Julie to talk to her dad.

quote:

"So why doesn't Julie want to speak to him, and why does her grandfather and her uncle freak out at the mention of his name?"

Milo jumped about a foot off of the ground when he heard Julie speak. "Because my dad is dangerous and insane." We had not heard her approach. I stupidly removed my ear plugs. I had shut down the amplification to avoid wasting the batteries. I found myself wishing that I had left them on.

"It didn't go according to plan?" Julie snapped at Milo. She strode between us, and stopped directly in front of him, arms folded. She was quite a bit taller than he was. "Didn't go according to plan? Don't you think that's a bit of an understatement?"

"Well . . . I suppose that you could say . . ."

"According to plan? According to plan? Milo, all hell broke loose. Literally. Ninety-seven Hunters were killed, and it was only a miracle that we didn't suck all of Alabama into another dimension. Even then the government shut us down, and put all of us out of work. Monster attacks on innocent people went through the roof because we weren't around to stop them, and Dad is responsible for that too." Milo shrank a little in the face of the onslaught. She whirled and faced me. "And you. What did I tell you before we left Georgia?"

"Stay out of your business?" I answered, feeling like an idiot.

"Do I need to put that on flashcards? Do I need to have it branded on your forehead? I could have it put on backwards; that way you could read it in the mirror." She was seething. "Were you two going to try and get me to talk to Dad? What the hell were you thinking?"

"Julie, listen. The bad guys want to destroy time. That sounds like a bad thing. We have seven Masters tromping around working as a gosh-darn team for heck's sake, and it has even scared the elves and the Feds. If the bad guys get to the Place of Power and turn on their evil gizmo, we could be screwed. Ray can probably tell us where that's going to be," Milo asserted.

"Yeah. What he said," was my addition to the argument. Julie gave me the evil eye

Make Julie the protagonist instead.

The reason Julie is so afraid of asking her dad, Raymond Shackleford IV, is that Lord Machado's plan sounds disturbingly similar to what her dad did in 1995. He wanted to bring someone back from the dead and nearly destroyed the whole state doing so. Milo believes that Ray just wasn't in his right mind and that he's the only shot they've got now.

quote:

Julie dropped her hands and kicked some shotgun hulls angrily. Her face was drawn tight, and she was frowning. She tucked an errant strand of dark hair behind an ear. "I know," she muttered.

"And another thing!" Milo started to yell, and then stopped abruptly. "You know?"

"Yes. I know. That was why I was looking for you, you idiot. The situation has gotten worse. We just got word from Boone. He's been keeping tabs in Georgia. About forty-five minutes ago there was an attack on the home of another university professor, strong vampires, at least a couple. Right in the suburbs, just after sunset. They were looking for something. Unfortunately the prof was throwing a party at the house at the time. The place is crawling with the Feds' reaction team, so Boone couldn't get a good look, but he was guessing at least twenty dead."

"Let me guess. A colleague of Dr. Turley?"

"Yep. She was on our list to contact. A Ph.D. in anthropology, religion specialist."

"Smart vamps don't hit parties in the suburbs," Milo said. "That brings too much heat and attention. Vamps feed on the outskirts. It doesn't make sense."

"Unless the payoff is worth the risk," Julie said. "My guess is they're looking for the when and where to use their artifact."

"You think we're running out of time?"

"Why else would they risk having the Feds track them? The Monster Control Bureau guys are not the most efficient bunch, but they have resources we can only dream about. Vampires, especially old ones, don't pull stunts like this. That's how they lived to be old to begin with," she said with authority. "I don't think we are running out of time�I know it."

"So who's the idiot now?" Milo queried, somehow managing to look both smug and innocent at the same time.

"Don't push it. Milo, tomorrow you cover for me. Grandpa and Earl can't know what I'm going to do. Pitt . . ." That was a good indicator that she was not happy, she almost never called me by my last name.

"Yes?"

"Try to dream something useful tonight, because tomorrow you're going to meet my dad."

"Sounds like fun."

"It won't be."

chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 14:57 on Apr 17, 2018

# ? Apr 17, 2018 14:53

Clipperton: Dec 20, 2011; Grimey Drawer

seriously though what's a cabbage point

# ? Apr 17, 2018 15:01

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Clipperton posted:

seriously though what's a cabbage point

There's a few places called Cabbage Point. Canada, New Zealand, the Bahamas...

# ? Apr 17, 2018 15:07

Choco1980: Feb 22, 2013; I fell in love with a Video Nasty

It occurs to me how absurd Turley's "specialty" was. An expert on all native practices in the entire Western Hemisphere?? It's rare to find an anthropologist who's an expert at more than like, 3 or 4 groups of people tops.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 15:53

ShinsoBEAM!: Nov 6, 2008; "Even if this body of mine is turned to dust, I will defend my country."

Professor Bling posted:

There's a later book where the orcs throw a live chicken into the Hind's tailrotor as a sacrifice for the "tailrotor spirits" to "fix" the helicopter mid-chase, and in another instance one of the MHI guys admits he sneaks out to *actually* fix the Hind because the orcs "think welding is black magic"

Umm I'm pretty sure their magic does work that way though in a sense, because throwing the live chicken into the tailroader actually did fix it, there are a few other clues hanging around that their stuff is real too. It's just that some of the characters think it's bullshit/luck.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 15:55

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Guess the cat�s out of the bag on just what Skippy is now!

We see some orc magic in this book too. Basically they can do things that simply shouldn�t work according to the laws of physics or make healing potions from mundane ingredients that otherwise have no correlation to actual medicine. Throwing a chicken into the tail rotor isn�t just a �silly tribe� joke, it works.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 16:14

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Definitely nothing problematic about Orcish rituals essentially being a bunch of poorly understood voodoo tropes

EDIT: Also the fact that its an Orc is fantastic because it means Correia is such a hack his Orc is just a hodgepodge of Warhammer game cliches

Like, Orcs in fantasy, in general, are generally one of the cringiest tropes because they almost always come with some seriously hosed cultural baggage.

Mel Mudkiper fucked around with this message at 16:19 on Apr 17, 2018

# ? Apr 17, 2018 16:15

Somebody Awful: Nov 27, 2011; BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED

Choco1980 posted:

An expert on all native practices in the entire Western Hemisphere?? It's rare to find an anthropologist who's an expert at more than like, 3 or 4 groups of people tops.

Must have studied under Henry Jones Jr.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 16:37

JUST MAKING CHILI: Feb 14, 2008

Of course Ork magic works, the only reason the Emperor of Mankind is still alive on the Golden Throne is because the Orks believe it to be so.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 17:14

sky shark: Jun 9, 2004; CHILD RAPE IS FINE WHEN I LIKE THE RAPIST

Mel Mudkiper posted:

Definitely nothing problematic about Orcish rituals essentially being a bunch of poorly understood voodoo tropes

EDIT: Also the fact that its an Orc is fantastic because it means Correia is such a hack his Orc is just a hodgepodge of Warhammer game cliches

Like, Orcs in fantasy, in general, are generally one of the cringiest tropes because they almost always come with some seriously hosed cultural baggage.

Kinda shameful you are attaching your cultural baggage & hangups on a historically marginalized & oppressed species that has been brutally enslaved throughout literature. Meanwhile here they are not only protected & valued as teammates, but they are treated with respect & valued as people.

Edit: You really should show some empathy for their refugee status, especially after the horrific ethnic cleansing they'd been through.

SPOILERS - For those who enjoy the trailer park elves, Correia wrote a short story about the heir to the throne here: http://www.baen.com/tanya

sky shark fucked around with this message at 17:37 on Apr 17, 2018

# ? Apr 17, 2018 17:31

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

sky shark posted:

Kinda shameful you are attaching your cultural baggage & hangups on a historically marginalized & oppressed species that has been brutally enslaved throughout literature. Meanwhile here they are not only protected & valued as teammates, but they are treated with respect & valued as people.

Edit: You really should show some empathy for their refugee status, especially after the horrific ethnic cleansing they'd been through.

This is just lazy enough to plausibly be an attempt at mockery or your genuine opinion, not sure which you were going for.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 17:45

Clipperton: Dec 20, 2011; Grimey Drawer

How hard would it be to keep a second-hand Hind running in the real world? I assume helicopters need all sorts of parts and stuff, could you just get them from amazon.ru?

# ? Apr 17, 2018 17:53

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Clipperton posted:

How hard would it be to keep a second-hand Hind running in the real world? I assume helicopters need all sorts of parts and stuff, could you just get them from amazon.ru?

It also seems a little weird for a government contractor to be scavenging for a used helicopter

# ? Apr 17, 2018 17:54

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Mel Mudkiper posted:

It also seems a little weird for a government contractor to be scavenging for a used helicopter

I don�t think they�re a government contractor. Presumably the PUFF can be claimed by anyone with the knowledge to request it after killing a monster and MHI is entirely a private organization without any nice deals with government suppliers.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 18:03

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

Someone get this poor man a sex doll dressed in tactical gear.

This gives me some horrifying new mental images of the term "speed loader".

# ? Apr 17, 2018 18:04

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 03:46

Darth Walrus: Feb 13, 2012

Clipperton posted:

How hard would it be to keep a second-hand Hind running in the real world? I assume helicopters need all sorts of parts and stuff, could you just get them from amazon.ru?

There�s a bunch of dealers in Belarus who�ll hook you up with that poo poo - relatively above-board, too. Seriously, not kidding.

# ? Apr 17, 2018 18:15

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Texas Concealed Carry Law And You - Let's Read Monster Hunter International

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