Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Tangled up in a counterfeit jelly bean ring

# ? May 1, 2018 05:15

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# ? May 16, 2024 17:12

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Smokin candy cigs with the sour patch kids. talkin poo poo about that candy ring the Muffin King is flauntin

# ? May 1, 2018 05:16

Manifisto

too low for chutes, too high for ladders

# ? May 1, 2018 05:30

Manifisto

not particularly sorry

# ? May 1, 2018 05:30

wearing a lampshade

Manifisto posted:

too low for chutes, too high for ladders

Clint Eastwood staring some punk rear end down, a slight grin cracks through his cool granite facade: "Looks like you landed on a chute. *gun hammer cocks* Better slide down it then."

# ? May 1, 2018 12:35

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

"The world is neither free nor unfree: It is a mechanical trap animated by random chance."
- Albert Camouse

# ? May 1, 2018 14:42

Manifisto

emotionally needy hippos

# ? May 1, 2018 15:08

ghost emoji: oooOooOOOooh

albany academy posted:

Clint Eastwood staring some punk rear end down, a slight grin cracks through his cool granite facade: "Looks like you landed on a chute. *gun hammer cocks* Better slide down it then."

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# ? May 1, 2018 18:11

Putty: HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Ancient weed

# ? May 1, 2018 21:10

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Bongs through the ages, a Ken Burns Joint

# ? May 2, 2018 01:50

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

weeds primitive ancestor had a BB sized nug encased in a hard shell, which was smashed in a 'toking stone' grinder then burned in a ritual fireplace with other sacred herbs such as myrrh, soma, or coriander.

# ? May 2, 2018 01:52

Manifisto

jrr tokin'

did anyone say that yet

# ? May 2, 2018 02:53

alnilam

Manifisto posted:

jrr tokin'

did anyone say that yet

the sattivarillion

# ? May 2, 2018 02:54

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

Tom Bongadil

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? May 2, 2018 14:19

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

"pipe weed"

# ? May 2, 2018 17:28

Putty: HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Barking Gecko posted:

"pipe weed"

>frodo smoko pipeweed

# ? May 2, 2018 19:58

krampster2

I've noticed that in the Sherlock Holmes books, Watson often narrates "I ejaculated" after Sherlock picks up on a clue.

Watson really likes deductions

# ? May 3, 2018 17:02

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

The Chillmarillion

When F�anor took the dank from the Two Trees of Valinor and imbued 3 bongs with their essence the Elves rejoiced because they all hit like Manwe in a mosh pit! Morgoth heard about them and decided he had to have one of these fabled bongs, so he stole one and the rest is history. Read more about the Downfall of the House of F�anor and the War of the ~~Jewels~~ Bongs as the Sons of F�anor head up into Middle Earth to serve some Noldorian justice on the OG Dark Lord, Morgoth in the stunning new bestseller- the Chillmarillion!

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
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Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? May 3, 2018 17:47

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

bdsm mistress to humiliation fetishist: "I like the way you work it (no dignity)"

# ? May 4, 2018 03:07

Twenty Four

The alphabet is big and strong like "ABCDEFG", but the betabet is timid and weak like "_abcdefg".

# ? May 5, 2018 22:42

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Learning all my stretches and exercises from a youtube channel sponsored by painkillers.

# ? May 6, 2018 18:21

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Nostalgic for the bad and stupid things

In my day video games had manuals and all the tutorials were hidden in there. If you friend terry lost the manual, you'd never know what half the menus did. It was challenging, not this spoon-fed crap.

Wizards could only cast one spell a day and it cost 200 dollars a pop.

Every peice of armor was counted separately and even coins had a carrying weight.

We drank koolaid from little plastic bottles with a tear off top and they cut the poo poo out of your lips. That's how they toughed you up back then.

Every comedy had a laugh track, it was like Big Bang Theory morning noon and night. You knew what a joke and what wasn't by god.

Eddie Murphy was in everything - often three or four times per movie - all the characters were offensive and none of the plots made sense.

Dennis Miller was allowed to make a movie. And people paid for it! In theaters!

it was a time to be alive

# ? May 6, 2018 22:15

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

The president wore tiny shorts to jog on national TV. You could see his weiner bouncing around in there and we loved it. We loved every minute of it.

There was only one ad on TV, it was for an online pet store, and no one ever shopped there.

# ? May 6, 2018 22:37

Manifisto

computer equipment was not merely designed to be functional instead of sexy. it was designed to be hideously ugly. it was the exact off-white shade of stain and grime. it was the exact awkward blockiness and offputting angularity of austere soviet architecture. there is no conceivable attractive interior design scheme into which it could blend. and we all lusted in our hearts for these magical zork-playing monstrosities.

# ? May 6, 2018 23:33

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Manifisto posted:

we all lusted in our hearts for these magical zork-playing monstrosities.

# ? May 6, 2018 23:38

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

Manifisto posted:

computer equipment was not merely designed to be functional instead of sexy. it was designed to be hideously ugly. it was the exact off-white shade of stain and grime. it was the exact awkward blockiness and offputting angularity of austere soviet architecture. there is no conceivable attractive interior design scheme into which it could blend. and we all lusted in our hearts for these magical zork-playing monstrosities.

It was pitch dark, and we secretly wished to be eaten by a grue.

# ? May 7, 2018 00:12

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

"How apt!" I shriek into the firestorm devouring my home. "I deserved this for literally playing with fire!"

# ? May 7, 2018 22:39

DragQueenofAngmar: You shall not pass!

a sitcom where a fire wizard and a water mage are rooming together, trying to mKe it a s wizards out there. wacky hijinks ensue!

# ? May 8, 2018 00:28

Kthulhu5000: by R. Guyovich

The Secret Service recently revealed that, in addition to the usual kinds of threats made against the president, every presidential administration since the Service's founding has had at least one person (so far, always a man) threaten to "put the president in a headlock and forcibly suckle him".

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? May 8, 2018 00:38

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Manifisto posted:

computer equipment was not merely designed to be functional instead of sexy. it was designed to be hideously ugly. it was the exact off-white shade of stain and grime. it was the exact awkward blockiness and offputting angularity of austere soviet architecture. there is no conceivable attractive interior design scheme into which it could blend. and we all lusted in our hearts for these magical zork-playing monstrosities.

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Nostalgic for the bad and stupid things

In my day video games had manuals and all the tutorials were hidden in there. If you friend terry lost the manual, you'd never know what half the menus did. It was challenging, not this spoon-fed crap.

Wizards could only cast one spell a day and it cost 200 dollars a pop.

Every peice of armor was counted separately and even coins had a carrying weight.

We drank koolaid from little plastic bottles with a tear off top and they cut the poo poo out of your lips. That's how they toughed you up back then.

Every comedy had a laugh track, it was like Big Bang Theory morning noon and night. You knew what a joke and what wasn't by god.

Eddie Murphy was in everything - often three or four times per movie - all the characters were offensive and none of the plots made sense.

Dennis Miller was allowed to make a movie. And people paid for it! In theaters!

it was a time to be alive

I miss having to use that coding wheel to look up the word on page 26, paragraph 3, third word in. ESPECIALLY if you only got one shot, and the pages start being numbered on the second page, but the first page had words on it too, so is it going to work? Is it???

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
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Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? May 8, 2018 01:46

TK8325

A bearded guy in a suit complaining about "all these crazy girls." He ends up starting the #ZToo movement.

# ? May 8, 2018 14:09

TK8325

A group of rockets upset over explosions, they start the #VToo movement.

# ? May 8, 2018 15:26

krampster2

Going to the gym with someone who dragged you along, so you put way too much effort in. But while also trying to play it off cool as though you always exercise this hard.
Then the manager walks by and says "welcome back, first time in three months!"

"Thanks haha but nah I actually work out like super hard, mostly every day. But I was just going to a different branch than this one because of the high-tech machines they have for working out your triceptosaurus muscles."

"Oh with a different company? Because I checked your swipe card data, and you haven't been to any of our gyms in 3 months. But anyway, nice work! Good to see you back at it again buddy!

So then you explain to your friend that "pfft, actually nah I was going to another branch but I was using somebody else's swipe card.
Anyway, shall we exercise our quadrilateralceps next?"

# ? May 8, 2018 16:15

Farecoal: There he go

"the GPS tracker i put on you showed you sitting at home for three months! and I know you don't have any exercise stuff at home, my cameras would seen it!"

# ? May 8, 2018 16:52

the unabonger

cool things to do for a teacher on teacher appreciation day

# ? May 9, 2018 04:50

the unabonger

Ollie over a stack of books into a nose grind on the cafeteria railing, grab a hi-5 from the cafeteria lady mid grind, then flip off the superintendent as you yell �the teachers here are wonderful you should really give them more fulfilling trainings and more time for planning�

# ? May 9, 2018 04:58

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

Cyber-criminal engineers sit around a table. Progress has stalled.

"It's loving impossible, it can't be done. I quit!"

"If only it was something easy like identifying a grammatical error by analyzing an entire sentence-"

"Yeah, or analyzing a photograph and identifying a human face and the person it belongs to."

"Well, this isn't grammar and human identification. Welcome to the big leagues: Wonky text and pictures that maybe contain signs."

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? May 9, 2018 22:53

rump buttman: I just wish I had time for one more bowl of chili

*yelling at neigbors dog*

wiener wiener WIENER

# ? May 10, 2018 00:12

ghost emoji: oooOooOOOooh

there goes the neighborhood. a family of attitude-era wrestlers just moved in down the road

# ? May 10, 2018 00:42

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# ? May 16, 2024 17:12

wearing a lampshade

Going over to Golddusts house to watch some movies

# ? May 10, 2018 01:15

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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