big crush on Chad OMG posted:

julian assflange posted:

Lots of Toxx AV material here

T Bowl posted:

T Bowl posted:

ozmunkeh posted:

KloppHug

Dunban posted:

There are no mountains near Mainz

ozmunkeh posted:

Klopp secretly flies to Germany, ahead of the UCL final. After leaving the Mainz airport, Klopp hails a cab. The cab driver asks where he wants to go. Klopp tells him to head to the mountains. They arrive at the mountains, and Klopp tells him to stop. The rest of the journey is one that Klopp alone must take.

"Wait here," says Klopp. Then Klopp begins trekking up the mountain. He walks through a forest and arrives at a house that is almost completely hidden in the woods. Klopp approaches the house and knocks on the door. After a few minutes pass, the door opens and Buvac is inside.

"Why did you come here?" Buvac asks angrily, as he motions for Klopp to enter.

"Because you did not pick up my calls," says Klopp.

"Talking is something I don't do," Buvac responds.

"Well, you just talked," replies Klopp chuckling. Buvac smiles for a moment, but quickly, that turns into a frown.

"You know why I am here," Klopp says.

"Then you already know my answer," Buvac replies back.

"We need you to come back. You are more important than we can ever tell you," Klopp responds.

"YoU aRe MoRe ImPoRtAnT tHaN wE eVeR tEll YoU!," Buvac sarcastically says back.

"I am serious. You are our brain. A team needs their brain to function."

"Seems you are doing just fine without me," Buvac says, as he looks away.

Klopp tries to argue, but Buvac argues back. They go back and forth. It is very tense and they call each other harsh words, but in the end, they still both respect and love each other.

Before he leaves, Klopp gives Buvac a KloppHug and tell him to rethink his decision about leaving Liverpool, and pleads with him again to come back. Klopp then begins his return back to Melwood. Buvac watches with tears in his eyes as Klopp walks away.

Some days pass...

We are now in Kiev.

It is now half-time of the final. Liverpool are down 3-0 to Real Madrid. Ronaldo had dived 3 times, got 3 penalties, and scored all 3.

Team spirit is at an all time low. Klopp tries to rally his men in the locker room. In the corner, Alberto Moreno is crying.

"Guys, we must not lose Hope," says Jurgen, "Remember Istanbul. Anything is possible."

Stevie G comes into the locker room. briefly and tries to motivate the team.

"Yeeah, all of us know you can make a come-back. You just have to try harder next half. It's not impossible to do this." Gerrard leaves to resume his commentating duty.

Half-time is over, and the team is getting ready to go back on to the pitch, where Real Madrid players are waiting. Liverpool players look hopeless and Klopp's speech seems to not have worked. But the team can hear the Liverpool traveling fans singing YNWA. Suddenly, before they exit the tunnel, they hear someone singing YNWA from behind them. A strange, yet familiar Bosnian voice. Klopp and the players turn around. It's Buvac!

"Lauf weiter, Lauf weiter mit Hoffnung in deinem Herzen," Buvac sings YNWA in German, having memorized it from his days in Dortmund. "And you'll neeever walk alone. You'll never walk alone," he finishes the song in English.

Klopp, teary-eyed runs to hug his friend. And the players follow him.

"We missed you so much brate!" exclaims Lovren.

"We are not going to lose tonight," Buvac says. The team now believes in themselves. They get back on to the pitch.

Klopp and Buvac exit the tunnel.

"This seat has been saved for you," Klopp says, pointing at the empty chair next to Klopp. Buvac smiles and sits down.

As the ref whistles for the 2nd half to begin, Ronaldo notices the man with the long dark hair next to Klopp, and wonders where he knows him from.

"Oh merda! They have that wizard from Harry Potter on their side!" Ronaldo thinks to himself. Scared shirtless, he falls to the ground in fear. The ref gives him a yellow card for diving. Madrid players get confused as to what just happened and try to argue that Ronaldo was attacked, even though there was nobody near him for 15 meters. Ref gives them each a yellow card for dissenting.

Buvac looks over to his side, and winks at Zidane. Zidane loses it and gets up to the come to the other tactical area to argue. He accidentally trips, and ends up head-butting the 4th official. Zidane gets sent off to the stands. Real Madrid players become angry and play erratically.

Liverpool players capitalize on Real's increasingly sloppy play, and score 4 goals to defy the odds and win the game through another historic comeback.

That, folks, is the story of how the return of Buvac inspired Liverpool to win their 6th European title. Buvac stayed with Klopp in Liverpool for many more years, winning many titles. He is now rightfully regarded as an LFC legend.

Jose posted:

https://twitter.com/janhopis/status/992377084709400576

sebzilla posted:

Notable non-vegan elements in a Caesar salad: eggs, worcestershire sauce, parmesan.

sebzilla posted:

Notable non-vegan elements in a Caesar salad: eggs, worcestershire sauce, parmesan.

Suqit posted:

Anchovies!

sebzilla posted:

Notable non-vegan elements in a Caesar salad: eggs, worcestershire sauce, parmesan.

Strawman posted:

Strawman posted:

Lightbulb Grease posted:

Fellow members of /r/soccer, I believe that I have uncovered the secret behind Mo Salah's rise to international stardom. Only now am I realising the true magnitude of this discovery, and I believe it may shape football analysis for years to come. It is a metric I am calling the 'Percentage of Pure Redness' (or PPR for short).

Hypothesis

The percentage of the team's home kit that is 'pure red' (i.e. the percentage of the RGB values that red comprises) directly influences the performance of Salah.

Method

I painstakingly analysed each home kit that Salah has played in since he burst onto the international scene at F.C. Basel using MS Paint (Microsoft's greatest gift to the world). I used the dropper tool to select each colour on the kit and noted its RGB values, thereby extracting the PPR of each kit. Each component of the kit; the shirt, shorts and socks, was analysed - excluding sponsors, badges, trimmings etc (I'm not a genius) - and an average was taken. For the purposes of calculation I considered the shirt to comprise 50% of the kit, the shorts 30% and the socks 20%. All numbers used in goals per game calculations are taken from the most reliable of sources, Wikipedia.

Results

FC Basel (2012-2014): PPR 16.4%, GPG: 0.18

Chelsea (2014-2015): PPR 15.2%, GPG: 0.15

Fiorentina (2015): PPR 31.0%, GPG: 0.38

Roma (2015-2017): PPR 59.7%, GPG: 0.45

Liverpool (2017-present) PPR 74%, GPG: 0.89

Egypt (2011-present): PPR 57.1%, GPG: 0.57

Conclusions

As we can see, there is a direct correlation between the PPR values obtained and Salah's scoring rate at each club. The trend seems (very) roughly linear, with Salah's scoring rate at Roma being slightly lower than expected. This means that if Liverpool want Salah to score at his optimum rate (by my estimation roughly 1.2 GPG) they must ensure that their next kit is 100% red.

Lightbulb Grease posted:

Fellow members of /r/soccer, I believe that I have uncovered the secret behind Mo Salah's rise to international stardom. Only now am I realising the true magnitude of this discovery, and I believe it may shape football analysis for years to come. It is a metric I am calling the 'Percentage of Pure Redness' (or PPR for short).

Hypothesis

The percentage of the team's home kit that is 'pure red' (i.e. the percentage of the RGB values that red comprises) directly influences the performance of Salah.

Method

I painstakingly analysed each home kit that Salah has played in since he burst onto the international scene at F.C. Basel using MS Paint (Microsoft's greatest gift to the world). I used the dropper tool to select each colour on the kit and noted its RGB values, thereby extracting the PPR of each kit. Each component of the kit; the shirt, shorts and socks, was analysed - excluding sponsors, badges, trimmings etc (I'm not a genius) - and an average was taken. For the purposes of calculation I considered the shirt to comprise 50% of the kit, the shorts 30% and the socks 20%. All numbers used in goals per game calculations are taken from the most reliable of sources, Wikipedia.

Results

FC Basel (2012-2014): PPR 16.4%, GPG: 0.18

Chelsea (2014-2015): PPR 15.2%, GPG: 0.15

Fiorentina (2015): PPR 31.0%, GPG: 0.38

Roma (2015-2017): PPR 59.7%, GPG: 0.45

Liverpool (2017-present) PPR 74%, GPG: 0.89

Egypt (2011-present): PPR 57.1%, GPG: 0.57

Conclusions

As we can see, there is a direct correlation between the PPR values obtained and Salah's scoring rate at each club. The trend seems (very) roughly linear, with Salah's scoring rate at Roma being slightly lower than expected. This means that if Liverpool want Salah to score at his optimum rate (by my estimation roughly 1.2 GPG) they must ensure that their next kit is 100% red.

Xabi posted:

Wrong thread TBF.