Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

«‹›572 »

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

DRINK ME posted:

Pilonidal cyst: Pain, fever and antibiotics for a week and then it broke in my sleep which required a late night emergency room visit, surgery and four days in hospital. Followed up with daily washing and wound dressing by a nurse for four weeks (two weeks at my house and then the rest at a local GP). To redress the wound they stuff gauze inside the raw wound to ensure it doesn�t seal the edges and create a new pocket to get infected and puss filled again. This hurts like someone shoving gauze into a raw wound should.

On the plus side they give out a ripper lot of endone which didn�t help one bit with the wound dressing pain but did make me super happy for hours at a time. Being an Australian this whole thing cost me two taxi rides to travel to and from the hospital.

Do not bite it!

Haha, you plebian, here in the US we have the privileged to pay $44,000.00 dollars for that little treatment.

# ? May 2, 2018 17:26

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 24, 2024 16:50

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I turn 40 in 5 days. This fact terrifies me and I�ve started spiraling into a midlife crisis of self-harm, lies, and cheating.

I�ve started stealing things. Nothing big, at least not yet. A candy bar or drink at the grocery store, some stationary from work, that kind of thing. It gives me a little thrill.

My drinking has increased - I�ll have 3-4 beers a night now and polish off a case over a weekend. I don�t drink and drive or anything, but I know my wife hates when I get drunk and lay around all weekend.

I get 15 vacation days a year. I lied to my wife and said I sold 5 of them back to the company. In reality I took those 5 days off. I�d get ready in the morning like I was going to work, then head to a neighboring town. I had a lovely hotel room id stay in during the day and drink and eat fast food in bed and jerk off.

On the Thursday I got lonely and got a hooker, who I hosed in that bed. On Friday I called her again. We have been texting back and forth since then, although I am too scared to have sex again in case my wife begins to suspect things.

The hooker did refer me to a drug dealer and I�ve been considering trying cocaine. I most likely will after work tonight, since I�ve squirreled away a few hundred bucks and could easily do it without my wife knowing.

I started writing a huge book in my 20s called The Age of the Gilded Empire and it was supposed to be my masterpiece. 25000 pages I was going to split into a dozen plus books, all about a fantasy world and the generations that grew up in it, from the end of the Bronze Wars, through the Dragon Conflicts and right up to the Golden Era of Enlightenment. It was a huge parallel for my life and the world as a whole.

I shopped that book around for the last 5 years and nobody wants it. I�m a loving failure and the thousands of hours I invested were for nothing. I still carry it on a flash drive with me at all times, when I do finally die maybe somebody will recognize its value?

It seems like I�m suicidal but I�m really not, that just really pissed me off. People publish utter hogshit everyday but my book is considered too weird to be published. gently caress that.

post the book

Mostly :therapy:

because you appear to be actually depressed and need to talk to someone about it rather than wallow in substance abuse, but also, post the book

It's not too late to be an author, really. Most people's first offerings are terrible. Rather than jumping straight to publishers, you need to get feedback and improve. There's still time. You finished a goddamn book, that's further than most people get.

Followup from the person who was raped by drug dealers at a young age:

quote:

Even though it was an anonymous confession, getting the bulk of my issues out there helped me a lot. I told my therapist I wasn't ready to open myself to a support group and she said that at the very least opening up anonymously could be beneficial and it was.

I don't think the PTSD makes taking reins of my life easy, but I feel like, even if slowly, I'm getting the hang of it. I still have nightmares but I'm used to them in an actual used to them way, I know they're just noise so at this point I just treat them as movies and they don't bother me. I've had less flashbacks over the past weeks.

I guess the hardship is that I still feel invisible to people, because no one knows who I am, what I went through, or what I think. I'm a character, and that feels lonely. My therapist said that this is common with victims of PTSD, but it scares me to expose myself to a RL support group.

Also: gently caress benzodiazepines and their withdrawal effects.

Loquacius, thanks for taking me seriously, and thanks to everyone who might have read my confession.

I don't think I had any useful advice, but I'm glad typing it up felt good

I also think going to a group would be a good idea for you because it would make you feel heard and less alone, but I get the idea that building up to that could be a slow process. Good to know this thread could be part of it!

loquacius fucked around with this message at 17:38 on May 2, 2018

# ? May 2, 2018 17:35

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

wesleywillis posted:

Just fuckin get out the shopvac dude.

Holy poo poo. I forgot about that story.

# ? May 2, 2018 17:47

ALFbrot: Apr 17, 2002

*has never had a book published*

hmm what should i write

oh yea how about a 20 volume infinite pile of boring poo poo about sword men loving dragons

*can't find publisher*

why

# ? May 2, 2018 18:11

Hauki: May 11, 2010

Solice Kirsk posted:

Holy poo poo. I forgot about that story.

do I even wanna know

# ? May 2, 2018 18:12

Incoherence: May 22, 2004; POYO AND TEAR

ALFbrot posted:

*has never had a book published*

hmm what should i write

oh yea how about a 20 volume infinite pile of boring poo poo about sword men loving dragons

*can't find publisher*

why

Confessor is actually Ignatius J. Reilly. "I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip."

# ? May 2, 2018 18:13

marathon Stairmaster sesh: Apr 28, 2009; ALL HAIL CEO NUGGET
1988-PRESENT

I didn't know the guy who created Dozerfleet was a goon that has an additonal backup terrible book series plan.

# ? May 2, 2018 18:38

Faded Mars: Jul 1, 2004; It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga.

Hey midlife crisis goon, you know that self-publishing is a legit thing now, right?

Instead of spending that dough on hookers and blow, hire an editor to read your book to get it polished up a bit. And also maybe to find out if it's not so great as you think it is. After you've polished it, spend more of that hooker cash on a decent cover. Then maybe a few advertising services. Then publish the whole thing, either on Amazon exclusively or on every retailer you can find.

If what you're writing isn't actually garbage, you can make real money off it. Plenty of people in the self-pub thread in CC do so, including me. Weird books are the best ones to self-pub, since as you've noticed it's hard to find a publisher for something a house editor or agent can't pigeonhole with "It's X meets Y!"

# ? May 2, 2018 18:43

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Reminder that an anon ITT claimed to have made $150 from C&Ping Mein Kampf, switching out some words, and selling the end result on Amazon until they got shut down

$150 isn't much money but that wasn't much effort

# ? May 2, 2018 18:44

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

loquacius posted:

post the book

Release the first book chapter by chapter on a blog. It's the thing these days.

e: but yes editor first

# ? May 2, 2018 18:53

DocBubonic: Mar 11, 2003; Tempora mutantur, et nos mutamur in illis

ALFbrot posted:

*has never had a book published*

hmm what should i write

oh yea how about a 20 volume infinite pile of boring poo poo about sword men loving dragons

*can't find publisher*

why

I think if it was about Sword men loving dragons, people would pay to read that. e.g. Chuck Tingle.

# ? May 2, 2018 19:01

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

DocBubonic posted:

I think if it was about Sword men loving dragons, people would pay to read that. e.g. Chuck Tingle.

Also Chuck Tingle would never have gotten published through traditional means

# ? May 2, 2018 19:04

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Hauki posted:

do I even wanna know

Nothing much, just a goon told a story about how he lanced a taint boil and slapped a wet/dry vac onto it to suck out all the juices and then had to throw the tubing and everything away because he couldn't get the stink and juices all the way out. You know, nothing out of the ordinary.

# ? May 2, 2018 19:08

punk rebel ecks: Dec 11, 2010; A shitty post? This calls for a dance of deduction.

For what it's worth 40 year old mid life crisiser, I'm currently writing my own planned twenty volume adventure epic. It's also my first book. So you aren't alone.

The difference is I don't want to publish it, just post it online so people can read it. Even if it's just goons who will make fun of it.

punk rebel ecks fucked around with this message at 19:48 on May 2, 2018

# ? May 2, 2018 19:46

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

punk rebel ecks posted:

Even if it's just goons who will make fun of it.

You've come to the right place friend! Welcome!

# ? May 2, 2018 19:51

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

Seriously, post it on a blog chapter by chapter or even page by page. Start a patreon and see how much you can milk it for. If you�re insanely lucky and it gains notoriety, you can do a kickstarter to get it self-published. Millenials will throw money at just about any old tripe these days, if you have a product try to ride that wave.

# ? May 2, 2018 19:52

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIy_uLF6xI8

# ? May 2, 2018 20:14

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

I don't understand writing. There were a couple times I got the vibe and wrote a few twenty pages, and then would go back and cut out at least half. I liked what I wrote but I don't understand how anyone gets into that zone where you channel words until you have enough for a whole book.

Good luck I guess. Maybe don't cheat on your wife that's kinda bad, but idk.

# ? May 3, 2018 03:39

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

Writer goon, publish it anon on Amazon Kindle. The bar is so loving low it's nonexistent.

That previous post about rewriting Mein Kampf and posting it to Kindle? Probably fake, but it might be real. From what I've heard there is literally zero quality control.

# ? May 3, 2018 03:50

omnibobb: Dec 3, 2005; Title text'd

loquacius posted:

post the book

Mostly because you appear to be actually depressed and need to talk to someone about it rather than wallow in substance abuse, but also, post the book

It's not too late to be an author, really. Most people's first offerings are terrible. Rather than jumping straight to publishers, you need to get feedback and improve. There's still time. You finished a goddamn book, that's further than most people get.

Followup from the person who was raped by drug dealers at a young age:

I don't think I had any useful advice, but I'm glad typing it up felt good I also think going to a group would be a good idea for you because it would make you feel heard and less alone, but I get the idea that building up to that could be a slow process. Good to know this thread could be part of it!

dog, send me the first book at my email - username @ gmail. i'll totes read it and give feedback.

# ? May 3, 2018 06:34

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Not a fesh (will post mote later) but the guy sent something he claims to be a chapter of his book

:nws:

https://pastebin.com/gThnAYSd :nws:

guys I don't think there's actually 25,000 pages of this

# ? May 3, 2018 12:33

Android Blues: Nov 22, 2008

I can't stop giggling at Ulthos, Lord of the Nether Beasts, who lurks underwater and is a hitman. 1 billion doogans!

# ? May 3, 2018 12:45

sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

i'm the tiny, pink nipples

# ? May 3, 2018 12:46

sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

no wait i'm the one million doogans

# ? May 3, 2018 12:46

SatansOnion: Dec 12, 2011

hell, I'm the impressive eleven inches

not just any old inches, mind you, but impressive ones

only the finest for this evil henchfella's schlong

# ? May 3, 2018 12:55

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

Assuming this guy is for real and not just trawling creative writing forums for the shittiest tripe he could find, I�m sorry for laughing so hard. I salute his courage in posting his poorly written bestiality story, even anonymously. And at least now I understand why no editor would touch this... whatever it is.

# ? May 3, 2018 12:59

Android Blues: Nov 22, 2008

There's absolutely no way he's for real, but I want to believe. I love the idea of someone submitting 20 War and Peaces' worth of this to a publisher and then being like, "so, too challenging for you, huh?! Coward!" when they get rejected.

# ? May 3, 2018 13:08

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Suicidal story goon, that was a good one. you really had me going there. Seriously, you got me going and now I need more

Fake edit: sorry for typoes, I'm posting with one hand

# ? May 3, 2018 13:26

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

loquacius posted:

Not a fesh (will post mote later) but the guy sent something he claims to be a chapter of his book

https://pastebin.com/gThnAYSd

guys I don't think there's actually 25,000 pages of this

That starts with a lot of world-building exposition for late in book one. We'd know what mageblood is by now. Next time claim it's earlier in the novel. I could see that as the intro to chapter 2, but not chapter 22.

Still, 5/5 for anonymous confession lead in, 4/5 for payoff. Would be tricked into reading bad Kindle porn again.

Splicer fucked around with this message at 14:45 on May 3, 2018

# ? May 3, 2018 14:42

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

loquacius posted:

Not a fesh (will post mote later) but the guy sent something he claims to be a chapter of his book

https://pastebin.com/gThnAYSd

guys I don't think there's actually 25,000 pages of this

Clearly written ad-hoc for our benefit. I'd give him a 6/10 for effort since he including cuckoldry, bestiality, and amateurish prose. He missed mentioning incels or vore though, so I can't give him any higher score.

# ? May 3, 2018 14:54

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Splicer posted:

That starts with a lot of world-building exposition for late in book one. We'd know what mageblood is by now. Next time claim it's earlier in the novel. I could see that as the intro to chapter 2, but not chapter 22.

This was my reaction too; if the entire book were filled with stuff like that it'd be really condescending for a book that also involves squid cloacas

# ? May 3, 2018 14:58

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Followup from a guy who was having Girlfriend Issues:

quote:

I'm the same goon from post: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3792439&pagenumber=61&perpage=40#post467973759 (that took a long time to find).

I moved in with the person I cheated with. She has two kids, and it was an awesome year. One of the kids started school, we had great times, and we had amazing sex. Not to be TMI, but we both indulged our kinks, and got into some heavy stuff, similar to (and beyond, in some ways) the 50 shades of grey poo poo, but without all of the stockholm syndrome. While it definitely wasn't worth breaking someone's heart over, or cheating on somebody, to the "me" at the time, it was a dream come true. Honestly the best time of my adult life.

...until the holidays, when (one day, out of the blue) she announced she was going back to her ex-husband. Even though she agreed that it was a loveless/sexless marriage, hence the divorce, she's doing it for the kids. I'm not one to second-guess her (she is their mom, and an excellent, honest person that will raise strong, intelligent children), but it did hit me in the feels for a few months. And if she did it for physical reasons, I can understand and respect that. You've only got one life and you've got to do what you want with it.

I've now moved out, and gotten an apartment in the next city over. The apartment is right across the street from the school that I'm going to attend, with classes starting May 7th. It's a fast-track medical degree program, and I'm using my GI bill towards it and extremely happy. I've also been alcohol-free since New Year's Day, and these last five months I've been single have been the longest time, not including Army time, that I've been single AND entirely alcohol-free since becoming an adult. As I'm just over 30 now, that's a huge step.

For the actual confession: I've had time to reflect on things, and consolidate some thoughts I've had since a child. Things like "Do cis men ever wish that they were sometimes a woman?" I've told myself, ever since my early teen years (before I even knew what "cis" meant) that, "Yeah, sometimes boys wonder what it would be like to be a girl." There are jokes in popular media, like in that last season of R&M when Jerry wonders about what it would be like to have a vagina, and everyone makes fun of it for two episodes. Told myself it was normal. But recently, I started using my time to browse places like /r/traa, or talk with other people online. I started wondering about things. And, truth be told, the recent crazy sex that I had with that person opened my eyes to what could be done, and how open and honest people could be with each other (I'm really grateful for what I learned about how people can interact and experiment and trust each other, honestly made me a better person). So, I'm acting on something I've been thinking about for my entire cognizant (?) life, and am going to transition. Into what, I don't know, but I know it's not a 100% cis male. I've joked for YEARS, with coworkers/friends/fellow soldiers/people online that I'm at least a 2 on the Kinsey scale, but it's probably beyond that and towards pansexuality, as well as being a non-binary gender.

This feels insane when I type it out but it also makes me happy, and since I stood up a few weeks ago and told myself, definitively, that I wasn't 100% a man, I've been so happy. And not just a mania that comes and goes with depression: while I've had depression my entire life (and have gone through various medications for short periods, mostly before age 18), this makes me feel good. Hell, I joined the Army because I was depressed and didn't know what to do with my life, and that ended in January.

I'm going to work on my weight for the first, or maybe both, years of the school program. Classes are 5+ days a week, and I can easily bike there and to trainings in nearby hospitals (there are five hospitals within a ten mile radius that I will probably precept with). It's already coming down just cutting alcohol. As an adult, I've been 190 before, I've been 320+ before. I hovered around 200 in the Army (and, while it may sound weird, I looked and was thin at that weight, at 260 people routinely think I'm 200-220; I used to hike and lift weights a lot, and can still knock out 50 pushups without taking a break, though not as easily as six months ago...trying not to make this sound like a humblebrag because it's not, I'm still loving fat right now). After the weight is down, I've already got a stockpile of estrofem and bicalutamide, and am working on a plan with an endocrinologist.

But I'm doing this, and I couldn't be happier. The last thing my ex said to me before we agreed to sever was

And I'm taking that to heart.

And a followup from our fiction author:

quote:

So I send in a single chapter of the book and you post it, with loving NWS tags like it�s porn. And a bunch of goons dogpile and act like it�s poo poo. So gently caress you all, you�ve just proven my point about idiots not understanding my books.

First off, there�s �a lot of world building� because this is the first chapter to introduce Matilda, her kingdom, and Ulthos. In Chapter 20 you get the culmination of the Bronze Wars and a 5 year time skip, which is what leads to chapter 21. So yeah, I need to introduce some things BECAUSE THEY�RE NEW.

The entire book is not �filled� with exposition, just where it�s needed. Ever read a loving book? Obviously a lot of you haven�t.

It�s not bestiality either. There was no sex, Matilda literally just masturbated a squid. Who, guess what? In a few books was going to be revealed as a human transformed into a squid - that�s a little something called foreshadowing, you dumb fuckers I even noted now important that event was going to be.

Also Ulthos has a LOT more to be revealed but guess what? You�re never going to read it unless you buy the books. Because you morons just convinced me to self publish, so I guess thanks for that.

I figure 15 dollars a book, and I could cut this into 15 books at this point. 225 dollars to read the series, which people will. I know all of you will. So I guess thanks a lot, you fucks have spited me into publishing this and becoming a millionaire.

Go gently caress yourselves, have fun reading my books and paying me money, have fun watching the TV shows and movies that WILL be made and making me even richer.

Two thread success stories in one day, not bad :c00l:

# ? May 3, 2018 16:05

RCarr: Dec 24, 2007

That second one really made me smile

# ? May 3, 2018 16:11

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

# ? May 3, 2018 16:19

soy: Jul 7, 2003; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

I have paid more for worse porn. I hope they publish a hard cover collectors edition.

# ? May 3, 2018 16:22

Android Blues: Nov 22, 2008

I would pay a great bounty of doogans for such literary repast!

# ? May 3, 2018 16:28

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Btw $15 is more than I would pay for an actually good book which had been recommended to me by people I trusted; might want to adjust that price down a little bit but I fully support this move to self-publish, sincere good luck

# ? May 3, 2018 16:30

punk rebel ecks: Dec 11, 2010; A shitty post? This calls for a dance of deduction.

I was going to post what I have of my book in this thread to give confessor support, but now I'm not sure...

# ? May 3, 2018 16:33

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

quote:

There was no sex, Matilda literally just masturbated a squid

We were overdue for a new thread title.

# ? May 3, 2018 16:37

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 24, 2024 16:50

soy: Jul 7, 2003; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

What if the collectors edition has laminated pages and comes with a squid plushie?

# ? May 3, 2018 16:40

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

«‹›572 »