STAR TREK: Picard's Assimilated Balls

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > STAR TREK: Picard's Assimilated Balls

«‹›2898 »

VictorianQueerLit: Aug 25, 2017

FuturePastNow posted:

how could you forget https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AZabqpT6sg&t=18s

Well, I guess that's not attempted

That is the #1 successful suicide though

# ? May 18, 2018 21:03

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 5, 2024 06:09

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

VictorianQueerLit posted:

I realized Trek has a lot of suicides in it so i made a mock cracked.com list that I'm sure probably exists somewhere already

Top Trek Attempted Suicides

Malcom Reed tries to suck vacuum

In a valiant attempt to keep a stiff upper lip the ships extremely British security officer tries to kill himself by removing his oxygen supply on a space walk to stop Scott Bakula from smirking at him like a douche all the time. Unfortunately, like his country, he got shut down by an American.

Gomtuu gives up

Exhausted from millenia of doing dick all a space calzone decides to bake itself beyond perfection next to an exploding star. It's death is postponed so that an insufferable rear end in a top hat can sit in one of those Lexx butthole licking chairs for a few decades.

The guy that looks like Mister Feeny

This giant nerd gets all pissy that Riker hosed Frasier's wife or something and makes Riker shoot him in the face but unfortunately he was too stupid to realize the giant 4 inch wide power indicator was a power indicator and he was only stunned.

Worf Really wants to die

When Deanna gets chocolate wasted or something and starts hallucinating she is held up by wires on a green screen the crew starts to go insane and the first thing Worf does is try to swallow a Bud K clearance item.

Then when the only object on board that hasn't kicked his rear end, a barrel, decides to kick his rear end he decides living in a wheelchair or even being able to walk relatively well is too much work and asks Riker to bring him his knife. The only thing that stops him is that Riker wants to involve his lovely kid in the ritual.

Mind Invasion #4,505

I'm not at this point on my rewatch yet and the only thing I remember from this episode is that it's really weird how the nacelles are apparently completely empty except for giant spark plugs directly under a doorway. You would think there would be some advanced science stuff in there or something. Do people hang out in there all the time? Is someone trying to kick those sparkplug things back into place like Kirk in Into Darkness? Is that what happens when Warp Drive goes down everytime they hit a space possum or whatever?

Anyway Deanna Troi gets mind invaded because it's Thursday and almost throws herself into the spark plugs.

Bajorans are universally terrible

This counts as an attempted suicide because this guy wanted to stay on his farm and the idiot Bajorans wanted to blow up the arable moon to provide power for their starving population even though infinite clean energy exists and the phasers they all carry around could power a household. The important thing here is that memory alpha says that there were dog sized spiders on the moon. Who the gently caress would want to stay on dog spider moon?

Anyway he is saved when Kira blows up his house and ignores his pleas for the sweet release of death and drags him off of his land against his will.

Neelix almost redeems himself

When Neelix is killed by some space lightning the crew starts planning a party but the Doctor goes against everyone's wishes and disobeys a direct order from my heart to revive the angry retarded space cat that reeks of rancid space cat piss and stalks children. He is distraught that his giant cat tree in the sky isn't real and he only saw the horrible oblivion awaiting him after death. He almost succeeds in making the best episode of any Trek ever by beaming himself into space but they lure him off the transporter pad with a child.

Potatoes O'Dyin

After getting twenty years of prison implanted in his head O'Brien is unable to handle the fact that he snapped the neck of his prison wife who was trying to do something nice for him. I think he also tried to hit his daughter or something because he was so hosed up but nobody really seemed to care. I think Bashir reminded him of the true meaning of Ireland or something.

star trek is amazing

# ? May 18, 2018 21:04

Tighclops: Jan 23, 2008; Unable to deal with it; Grimey Drawer

A.I. Borgland Corp posted:

Best successful suicides: that guy who flew into a fuckin sun while shouting "LET THERE BE LIGHT"

That guy made NO loving SENSE

# ? May 18, 2018 21:44

Hipster_Doofus: Dec 20, 2003; Lovin' every minute of it.

They forgot Nomad.

# ? May 18, 2018 22:39

Drink-Mix Man: Mar 4, 2003; You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Not technically Trek but any excuse to revisit this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEDjAFi7oJ4

# ? May 18, 2018 23:12

Powered Descent: Jul 13, 2008; We haven't had that spirit here since 1969.

Hipster_Doofus posted:

They forgot Nomad.

And M5.

"This... unit... must... die."

# ? May 19, 2018 00:45

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Not technically Trek but any excuse to revisit this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEDjAFi7oJ4

Again; major spoilers for BSG.

# ? May 19, 2018 01:31

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Again; major spoilers for BSG.

This is GBS, not TVIV. The constant threat of unannounced spoilers is all part of the thrill of posting here.

# ? May 19, 2018 02:55

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Tasha dies

# ? May 19, 2018 02:59

simplefish: Mar 28, 2011; So long, and thanks for all the ~~fish~~ gallbladdΣrs!

Hector Beerlioz posted:

Tasha dies

Then comes back as:
- a holostatue
- herself but from another universe
- a romulan

# ? May 19, 2018 03:01

Hipster_Doofus: Dec 20, 2003; Lovin' every minute of it.

Facebook Aunt posted:

This is GBS, not TVIV. The constant threat of unannounced spoilers is all part of the thrill of posting here.

Having that spoiled for you is nothing compared to missing out on seeing that commercial afterward on first run.

I don't remember, was there ever any official word on whether that was deliberate?

# ? May 19, 2018 03:02

Blistex: Oct 30, 2003; Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler