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Mocking Bird posted:The downsides of having a house spouse include having to listen to your family’s thoughts on their marketable skills and emailed Craigslist posts of job ads completely unrelated to their skill set (and irrelevant because they are a house spouse) I've heard there's a certain threshold for combined income vs daycare costs to really determine whether it is BWM to have a stay at home parent. The main Con you forgot to mention is that when roles are asymmetrical it is hard to keep things fair. While there are couples out there that do great, I've also seen a share of couples where one is really taking advantage of the situation. This can either be the worker refusing to participate in any childrearing or cleaning, even with when they have time, or the home person not really doing the equivalent in terms of watching kids/cleaning/shopping and forcing the worker to pick up the slack. A lot of effort had been met to make sure men get and take paternity leave in the US but every time I hear a guy taking 12 weeks off it turns out he spent the whole time dumping his kid off at his mother in law all day so he can play warcraft for 3 months straight.
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Jun 11, 2018 01:52
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Panfilo posted:. Most men still don't get paternity leave in the US. 12 weeks is extremely generous relative to the average. Also, meet some better people, holy poo poo.
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Jun 11, 2018 02:23
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Vox Nihili posted:Most men still don't get paternity leave in the US. 12 weeks is extremely generous relative to the average. Also, meet some better people, holy poo poo. 12 weeks is FMLA standard, at least in California. It is six weeks paid through the state if you worked 1080 hours the year before,and another six unpaid weeks. This is for men and women, bio and foster care kids.
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Jun 11, 2018 02:39
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Panfilo posted:12 weeks is FMLA standard, at least in California. It is six weeks paid through the state if you worked 1080 hours the year before,and another six unpaid weeks. This is for men and women, bio and foster care kids. FMLA isn't paid leave. It just guarantees you have a job when you get back and only applies to companies with 50+ people. CA sounds like it provides some additional benefits but the two aren't the same.
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Jun 11, 2018 02:42
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silicone thrills posted:FMLA isn't paid leave. It just guarantees you have a job when you get back and only applies to companies with 50+ people. CA sounds like it provides some additional benefits but the two aren't the same. In California it is, at least six weeks of it. It is based on how much you earned the previous year.
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Jun 11, 2018 02:45
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I think when I looked at maternity leave for my job in California FMLA paid 100% salary if I was using accrued PTO and about 70% of my income afterwards for a total of six weeks, longer if I had a verified ongoing medical complication, and six weeks unpaid after that. CA is pretty cool. My sister in law got six weeks unpaid leave in Texas for her baby and really only had the opportunity to use four weeks and that sucked. Seriously though, lots of my friends husbands have taken paternity leave as they’ve been able to and they’ve been awesome primary caregivers during that time (usually they take it after their wives leave runs out), you need better bros.
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Jun 11, 2018 02:51
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The Social Workers I've known got a whopping six months ; six weeks of that was paid through the state and the rest came from PTO but since many of them did flex days they just worked 5 day weeks (vs 4 ordinarily) and banked up those days over a year to get as much of it paid as possible. Seems like a pretty good deal since you get a lot of time off (for the US) and when they come back they have 3 day weekends saving on day care one weekday.
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Jun 11, 2018 02:57
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Panfilo posted:I've heard there's a certain threshold for combined income vs daycare costs to really determine whether it is BWM to have a stay at home parent. This is entirely true. I was at a dinner tonight with a bunch of two-professional households, and although people would never in a million years admit how much they make, there was some childcare cost dick-waving. The "winner" spent more than $90k on childcare last year for 3 kids. I think that must actually be GWM though because unlike cars, houses, furniture, or even college educations you can't take debt for childcare. They just make more money than I thought.
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Jun 11, 2018 03:01
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I mean if I could marry a millionaire who would pay tens of thousands of dollars for top notch childcare for my kids I probably would but instead I’ve got a dude who’s willing to be at home with some kids and do some home making so here we are I like him too, I guess I guess
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Jun 11, 2018 03:05
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Not counting FMLA. In the majority of companies fathers can take vacation time for child birth, which is exactly what I did for both of mine. I think I took seven days for my son and Sox for my daughter. I did have a friend who got 16 weeks paid for the birth of his daughter and my jaw almost hit the floor.
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Jun 11, 2018 03:25
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Mocking Bird posted:The downsides of having a house spouse include having to listen to your family’s thoughts on their marketable skills and emailed Craigslist posts of job ads completely unrelated to their skill set Yeah, no, he's a dad, that's his job. It's not just family, it's literally everybody I meet if I tell them he's a SAHD... I've gotten it from people I just met at a party. It's like they're incapable of accepting that men might like to take care of children and be good at it.
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Jun 11, 2018 03:27
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moana posted:I get this all the time with my stay at home husband. "Oh, he plays drums? He should be a music teacher! Here's some links to freelancing sites with a couple of $15/hr jobs!" But...he's not working. He needs to be working! Does he need help working?
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Jun 11, 2018 03:40
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George H.W. oval office posted:My brother judges and runs his local comic shops FNM games and thus gets free entry and drafts in return. He has somehow made magic extremely GWM by not paying a cent for his hobby. "My brother judges and runs his local comic shop's FNM games and receives $12 of compensation for his 4 hours of work."
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Jun 11, 2018 03:56
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Panfilo posted:In California it is, at least six weeks of it. It is based on how much you earned the previous year. Yeah, that's the California part. CA state law is providing that six weeks of paid part. All federal FMLA provides is 12 weeks unpaid with, assuming you followed the paperwork and notification process correctly, the promise of an equivalent job when you get back. You are not guaranteed your same role / department / anything for that, just that they have to place you in an equivalent level of role for which you are qualified. (Edit: It also guarantees you have to be provided your employee benefits at current cost, rather than COBRA rate or being cut off. That's an important caveat I forgot!) You also must have worked 1,250 hours (1080 in CA) over the last twelve months of employment at the company (you are not eligible if you have not been there for at least twelve months), have NLT 50 employees at the employer, and not be a religious- or non-profit-exempted employer. (Most aren't exempted, for that last pair.) FMLA also (federally, at least) only covers one parent if both of you work at the same employer. If your wife at same employer goes out on maternity FMLA, you cannot go out on paternity leave until she is back to work again. Last caveat: While the FMLA paternity leave applies regardless of whether the mother is your legal spouse or not, you would not be eligible to take FMLA "caring for a sick family member" leave to take care of the mother if she got sick / had complications after your twelve week paternity leave was up. Non-married partners aren't considered "immediate" or "extended" family for the purposes of FMLA. It's really a pretty sad, lovely law. Basically, to get a rough guess for anything in the rest of the country, take anything you know about CA's benefits for parents, cut it in half, and then remove all the $$$ from it. It'll be close enough. 
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Jun 11, 2018 04:00
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MisterOblivious posted:"My brother judges and runs his local comic shop's FNM games and receives $12 of compensation for his 4 hours of work." That username/post combo 
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Jun 11, 2018 04:04
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America is a trash tier country and a huge majority of people have no paid parental leave. Couple that with medical costs, daycare costs, and college costs and having kids in the us is bwm.
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Jun 11, 2018 04:18
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Hoodwinker posted:Moneyball, why do we even let John Smith post in this thread after the terrible TB/JS apocalypse derails of 2017? I checked out of the thread for a while before becoming a mod so I missed TB vs JS. I only remember her and I fighting. TB is permbanned, but both were/are allowed to post here if they post content. That does not include weird stuff about race that JS posts, so that will be taken care of when the modqueue is flushed. I told him post content or GTFO I think I made up a rule a while ago that if you're actually tricked in to getting into an argument with him, you get the same punishment he gets.
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Jun 11, 2018 05:23
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CheesyDog posted:there's plenty of stay at home dads who are killing it, and then there's my friend's stay-at-home husband whom I have never actually met because instead of socializing he literally hires a babysitter so he can smoke weed and paint Warhammer figurines Ok sorry for the self post but this is literally my Husband and I’m leaving him today and I am loving terrified but thanks for the help growing a backbone, thread. Supporting someone who sits on the couch in his boxers painting miniatures and scrolling through facebook all night is super loving lame. Luckily we have no kids.
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Jun 11, 2018 05:41
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Moneyball posted:I think I made up a rule a while ago that if you're actually tricked in to getting into an argument with him, you get the same punishment he gets. LOL, that's an awesome rule.
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Jun 11, 2018 05:41
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Switchback posted:Ok sorry for the self post but this is literally my Husband and I’m leaving him today and I am loving terrified but thanks for the help growing a backbone, thread. Supporting someone who sits on the couch in his boxers painting miniatures and scrolling through facebook all night is super loving lame.
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Jun 11, 2018 07:14
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Chiming in with GWM here in socialist utopia Norway: https://www.nav.no/en/Home/Benefits+and+services/Relatert+informasjon/parental-benefitquote:When you apply for parental benefit, you must choose between 100 percent or 80 percent degree of coverage The total benefit period for parental benefit in the case of a birth, is 49 weeks at 100 percent coverage, and 59 weeks at 80 percent coverage. How do people in the US cope with going back to work so soon after giving birth? How about feeding the kids? Breastfeeding?
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Jun 11, 2018 11:03
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Dunno-Lars posted:Chiming in with GWM here in socialist utopia Norway: https://www.nav.no/en/Home/Benefits+and+services/Relatert+informasjon/parental-benefit That’s not the problem of the business owner/stockholder, he has to pay for his $3000 suit, common!
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Jun 11, 2018 12:24
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Dunno-Lars posted:How do people in the US cope with going back to work so soon after giving birth? How about feeding the kids? Breastfeeding? Some combination of family support, paid childcare, a few weeks of paid leave for anyone lucky enough to get it, 12 weeks unpaid leave that some employers illegally discourage taking, parents of newborns running themselves ragged, and ultimately kids getting less attention than they should
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Jun 11, 2018 12:39
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Dunno-Lars posted:Chiming in with GWM here in socialist utopia Norway: https://www.nav.no/en/Home/Benefits+and+services/Relatert+informasjon/parental-benefit My wife is a teacher and we were fortunate enough to have both our kids in the springtime (April/May), so she had the entire summer to heal/bond/breastfeed until she went back to work (late August). If you are exclusively breastfeeding, then going back to work is almost impossible unless you have a very flexible work from home or in office daycare situation. Funny fact about public school teachers (at least in CT) is that they get no paid maternity leave whatsoever. Offices with over 50 employees are required to provide you with a non-bathroom, private area to pump breast milk. However, in her experience such an area doesn't exist so it just ends up being the bathroom. Fathers are guaranteed nothing at all. I saved vacation time to take a week or two off for both my kids births.
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Jun 11, 2018 12:45
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I work for a company in the US with a paid 8 weeks bonding leave period. It's a new policy in the last few years for us. Every manager I've had has always been really cool about encouraging people to take all 8 weeks of it. One of my bosses has worked here for 25 years and told me that he wished that policy existed back when he was having kids. He said that he remembers taking 2 or 3 vacation days for each kid and then coming back to work on Monday. If you are a woman and part of the working poor, that's pretty much what it looks like for you too, because you may not be able to afford to take unpaid medical leave. 
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Jun 11, 2018 13:23
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canyoneer posted:I work for a company in the US with a paid 8 weeks bonding leave period. It's a new policy in the last few years for us. That's amazing. I have a friend in California who received 12 weeks of paid leave when his son was born, and his employer was flexible with it so his wife stayed home with the baby for 16 weeks, the he took the next 12 weeks off. So the kid was cared for by his parents for over six months before going to day care.
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Jun 11, 2018 13:39
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At my previous company it was paid 4 month parental leave taken in the first year, and managers pushed hard to get people to take all of it. Some people would take 2 months or so and then Fridays until it ran out. Our CEO took 2 months, other than a board meeting and a company party, and then weeks here and there. (The Friday thing ended as I was leaving, when people were asked to take minimum 1-week chunks.)
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Jun 11, 2018 13:45
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EAT FASTER!!!!!! posted:I love that WCI post. That psychiatrist makes more than my wife and almost as much as me (likely she’s in private practice, we’re both academics) but holy poo poo that spending! Where did your wife's friends meet their spouses? That sounds like a fantastic idea. I'd love to stay home with the racecars and fur-children... Though I do love my career too...
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Jun 11, 2018 13:55
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SiGmA_X posted:What do you people mean when you say academics? University faculty. If you get tenured, it's a job for life, but you have to be able to tolerate miserable departmental university politics, teaching, and truly love doing research for it to be worth it.
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Jun 11, 2018 14:22
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Twerk from Home posted:University faculty. If you get tenured, it's a job for life, but you have to be able to tolerate miserable departmental university politics, teaching, and truly love doing research for it to be worth it.
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Jun 11, 2018 14:45
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Dunno-Lars posted:Chiming in with GWM here in socialist utopia Norway: https://www.nav.no/en/Home/Benefits+and+services/Relatert+informasjon/parental-benefit The injustice of it has existed long enough in the US that many people are pretty normalized to it. There are several ways they cope: -The most obvious is that they don't. When I was a substitute teacher, I had a TON of long term gigs that were because the teacher that had a baby just decided to quit and be a stay at home mom. For various reasons, it was simply easier for them to focus on being home than trying to juggle two parents working full-time during the school year with an infant. -People with good relationships with their extended families are at an advantage; if you have many relatives that live close by then there are plenty of people available to watch kids. Given that this is how many communities juggled work and childcare for most of history it comes as no surprise that people continue to do it now. -As for breastfeeding, it depends on the specific job. My wife's job actually had a designated room for breastfeeding employees, but it was rarely used (since most moms at her work were out for six months and just weaned their kids by then). Instead it became a nice room to catch a quick nap if you had some downtime. Some women pump, some have husbands that drive the baby to mom's work so she can breastfeed during her breaks (my brother and his wife did a variation of this). -While it varies based on state, here in Commiefornia it is a little better compared to the rest of the US as I described upthread. Additionally, doctor mandated bedrest or complications due to pregnancy extend the amount of leave you are allowed to get. A woman that has a rough pregnancy can get more time, as some of the leave can be covered under State Disability.
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Jun 11, 2018 15:14
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In manufacturing you see alot of men moving to second or third shift so that the mother can be on days. Dad watches the kids during the day (and gets 3 hours of sleep) then goes to work at night. I've known a few co-workers that do this until the kids are in school just to save on daycare.
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Jun 11, 2018 15:19
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https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17283119Ask HN: I started a company in Japan but I'm in over my head posted:So, long story short, I invested 50k USD into incorporating a company in Japan (a 株式会社) and now I'm realising I probably don't have what it takes to make this work.
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Jun 11, 2018 15:19
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Same person:quote:I've actually had multiple freelance contracts locally but I've never managed to do any of them really. I had one making a business database of properties for a realtor where I couldn't make any progress and just stopped contacting them. I want to email them to apologise but I can never bring myself to do it. Sounds like they should have spent money on therapy and Japanese language lessons instead. In other posts it's apparent they don't know much/any Japanese. I'm not sure why they wanted to stay in Japan so badly if they didn't bother to learn the language for 7 years.
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Jun 11, 2018 16:18
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Inept posted:Same person: Avoiding tariffs and import fees on animes and figurines is GWM. The amount of money you save, relative to someone in the U.S. ordering the same items, is proportional to how much you spend. You can save hundreds of thousands of dollars a year if you scale up your anime purchases.
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Jun 11, 2018 16:31
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If you don’t buy anime, you are literally losing money
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Jun 11, 2018 16:44
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Inept posted:Same person: Waiting for that fateful day something crazy happens and they get swept up in a real life anime.
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Jun 11, 2018 16:59
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Leon Trotsky 2012 posted:Avoiding tariffs and import fees on animes and figurines is GWM.
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Jun 11, 2018 17:02
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Ok, I declare bankruptcy with this thread. Did anyone cosign with a horse in the last 3 weeks?
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Jun 11, 2018 17:06
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If nobody has any BWM or zaurg stories, today we have this bizarre thread on a wagon train through different subforums https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3859495
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Jun 11, 2018 17:13
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