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*assorted ambiguous biological sounds*
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Jun 25, 2018 20:47
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Corporate finally put up an Active Shooter Response infographic in the kitchen. I find the stick figure used in the "Fight Back" section hilarious. It's holding a folding chair and going after the shooter stick figure like it just came out to  "Bah Gawd is that The Undertaker's music?!?!"
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Jun 25, 2018 20:57
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*is clearly in the act of eating while also talking*
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Jun 25, 2018 21:06
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Fhqwhgads posted:Corporate finally put up an Active Shooter Response infographic in the kitchen. I find the stick figure used in the "Fight Back" section hilarious. It's holding a folding chair and going after the shooter stick figure like it just came out to We just had to watch a 15 minute active shooter training video that was trying to be super edgy by actually depicting active shooter scenarios with blood and people dying. It included hilariously ~dramatic~ scenes like some guy being fired freaking out soap opera style for 30 seconds over it before going stiff and emotionless, pulling a handgun out of his pants and nailing the HR lady in the head, and a guy with headphones sitting down next to the soon-to-be shooter on a bench, at which point the shooter pulls a full 12-gauge out of his backpack, points it at headphones guy, taps him on the shoulder to get his attention, says "Hey", and then blows him away.
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Jun 25, 2018 21:37
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Sydin posted:We just had to watch a 15 minute active shooter training video that was trying to be super edgy by actually depicting active shooter scenarios with blood and people dying. It included hilariously ~dramatic~ scenes like some guy being fired freaking out soap opera style for 30 seconds over it before going stiff and emotionless, pulling a handgun out of his pants and nailing the HR lady in the head, and a guy with headphones sitting down next to the soon-to-be shooter on a bench, at which point the shooter pulls a full 12-gauge out of his backpack, points it at headphones guy, taps him on the shoulder to get his attention, says "Hey", and then blows him away. Jesus loving Christ
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Jun 25, 2018 21:43
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Sydin posted:We just had to watch a 15 minute active shooter training video that was trying to be super edgy by actually depicting active shooter scenarios with blood and people dying. It included hilariously ~dramatic~ scenes like some guy being fired freaking out soap opera style for 30 seconds over it before going stiff and emotionless, pulling a handgun out of his pants and nailing the HR lady in the head, and a guy with headphones sitting down next to the soon-to-be shooter on a bench, at which point the shooter pulls a full 12-gauge out of his backpack, points it at headphones guy, taps him on the shoulder to get his attention, says "Hey", and then blows him away. I feel like somebody made this as a prank and then HR droids (who as a job requirement have no sense of humor whatsoever) started buying it.
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Jun 25, 2018 21:43
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Suddenly I don't feel so weird about having to walk through a metal detector to enter my building anymore. No wait, it's still weird.
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Jun 25, 2018 21:44
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Discendo Vox posted:That's loving beautiful, that is. It's TYOOL 2018, why do people still not read documentation? Depends on how much I trust it. I didn't read a lot of the documentation for our last software because it was never updated. They also stopped releasing patch notes. So when they'd fix something that was horrendously broken I wouldn't know about it. Medical software.
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Jun 25, 2018 21:47
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Eric the Mauve posted:I feel like somebody made this as a prank and then HR droids (who as a job requirement have no sense of humor whatsoever) started buying it. It was clearly made by law enforcement, the police are portrayed as saintly guardian angels. My favorite bit was during the fight section when a worker (black) subdued the shooter (white) with a fire extinguisher, and a few seconds later like five officers round the corner with guns drawn to the sight of a black guy huffing and puffing over a comatose white guy, and the officers... put their guns down and slowly approach the guy to tell him it's going to be alright and they'll handle it from here. Yeah I loving wish, video.
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Jun 25, 2018 21:51
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Lol if there’s an active shooter in my office I’m getting wasted by a coworker. Three overcompensating chuckleheads carry daily and always talk a big game about using them if bad things ever happen.
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Jun 25, 2018 23:19
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VanguardFelix posted:Lol if there’s an active shooter in my office I’m getting wasted by a coworker. Three overcompensating chuckleheads carry daily and always talk a big game about using them if bad things ever happen. During orientation hr guy reminds us this is a private business, and that we cant conceal carry on the premises. Then he says if we went through the lockerroom right now theyd find 30-40 guns, so dont get caught or keep it in your glovebox.
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Jun 26, 2018 00:31
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Our active shooter training video was also made by cops and featured a dude with a black tactical vest walking into a lobby, drawing a shotgun, and wasting two people as an opener. Which was unexpected. This combined with it being relatively short and to the point means I give it a 9/10. Would watch while muttering about HR wasting my time with bullshit again.
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Jun 26, 2018 00:32
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Why oh why did I agree to a business lunch at a place that takes like two goddamn hours for service with two people I desperately loathe Maybe I will be sick tomorrow
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Jun 26, 2018 00:34
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Tnuctip posted:During orientation hr guy reminds us this is a private business, and that we cant conceal carry on the premises. Then he says if we went through the lockerroom right now theyd find 30-40 guns, so dont get caught or keep it in your glovebox. I have no words, it’s like seeing the face of god. 
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Jun 26, 2018 00:54
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Tnuctip posted:During orientation hr guy reminds us this is a private business, and that we cant conceal carry on the premises. Then he says if we went through the lockerroom right now theyd find 30-40 guns, so dont get caught or keep it in your glovebox. My office campus doubles as a dispatch point for transit police (don't ask, it's complicated) and boy nothing wakes you up in the morning quite like holding the door open on the way in from the parking lot for four guys in body armor with AR's.
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Jun 26, 2018 01:07
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Hey guys I showed up a bit late to the conference call can you take a quick minute to recap what we've discussed so far? https://github.com/joshnewlan/say_what
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Jun 26, 2018 01:18
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I literally brought an MP5 to work in a backpack at my old job. We had a "show off your gun(s)" day
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Jun 26, 2018 01:29
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Che Delilas posted:Hey guys I showed up a bit late to the conference call can you take a quick minute to recap what we've discussed so far?
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Jun 26, 2018 02:29
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My company fired all the old security guards and replaced them with armed guards in body armor because the employee engagement survey said we didn't feel secure at work. It was a very vague question and everyone I spoke to thought it meant job security because of all the layoffs. Everyone got to write comments so they should have known this. It's being trumpeted as the company listening to us.
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Jun 26, 2018 02:51
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I like to take the less generous and more malicious viewpoint of they did listen...and are ensuring productivity continues despite job security concerns. Man where do people work where metal detectors and armed guards are considered useful? Plus can be afforded?
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Jun 26, 2018 03:00
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As a northerner in the south its still a little bit different, but not a big whoop really. Then again i have another nothern transplant colleague that loudly referred to southerners as being traitors and still pissed off they lost the war. On the other hand i had some training today that was actually useful, and didnt even have to ask for it. Also were actually encouraged to spend money if its on something that would be useful. Honestly its a bigger culture shock culturally corporate wise than socially.
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Jun 26, 2018 03:29
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SpartanIvy posted:I literally brought an MP5 to work in a backpack at my old job. I had "do a Scotch tasting" as my sole annual objective once; after two rounds of layoffs nobody had any idea what I did all day. A $300 budget too. We had a Macallan, a Balvenie, a Jura, a Scapa, and three cheap options from Trader Joes (notably Lismore, a fantastic bargain for tasty liquor). Oh wait, I had a Scapa. "We" had the other stuff. Eric the Mauve posted:I feel like somebody made this as a prank and then HR droids (who as a job requirement have no sense of humor whatsoever) started buying it. If OP's employer has a warehouse, they have an opportunity to introduce a new safety film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChOHnSL7ZCg
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Jun 26, 2018 03:51
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Hoshi posted:loving Excel with its floating point bullshit showing a difference at 10^-15 or something when the numbers are the same. We go down to a penny for our seriatim data but in aggregate we do to the dollar, thank God. Hoshi posted:Can I ask what you're studying for? Radirot posted:true, i dont know, maybe I'm too paranoid about not appearing to be motived or something. it's a small company and everyone has to maintain this gung-ho work ethic but with how overworked i'm feeling i can't really pretend to give a poo poo anymore.
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Jun 26, 2018 04:26
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SiGmA_X posted:This drives me nuts. Our GL goes to 2 decimals but the Excel add in pulls from the 2 decimal datacube to scientific somehow. Thanks Oracle? Right now I'm doing an online course that won't get me a raise or bonus loving rip Hang in there Also yeah my boss doesn't care about work social events, and TBH I'm indifferent toward them so when they happen is when I end up learning a lot and getting special projects. It sort of sucks but I'll try it until I see what my annual bonus is like
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Jun 26, 2018 04:46
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At least a few of you will point out that this is a mistake, and while I see your point I'm young and have time to make mistakes
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Jun 26, 2018 04:50
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mllaneza posted:I had "do a Scotch tasting" as my sole annual objective once; after two rounds of layoffs nobody had any idea what I did all day. A $300 budget too. We had a Macallan, a Balvenie, a Jura, a Scapa, and three cheap options from Trader Joes (notably Lismore, a fantastic bargain for tasty liquor). Oh wait, I had a Scapa. "We" had the other stuff. I once barged into a meeting the C suite was having about a successful deal and they'd brought out some expensive looking booze to celebrate. The COO offered me a shot and hell yes I took it. My boss, the CFO, looked disappointed at me and then I noticed he'd only taken the tiniest of sips from his. After the meeting I saw him pour the rest of it down the sink. That was the moment my honeymoon phase ended at that job.
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Jun 26, 2018 05:25
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Our IT dept has a lot of Brians. On a given conference call, we can have up to 4 Brians on a call. So whenever someone asks a question to one of the Brian's, there is a moment of panic as the Brian's who are not paying attention try to figure out which of them is being talked to. You'd think a few people would eventually use last names, or maybe full names, but nope, just lob a Brian into the crowd and see who catches it. Also, I'm one of the Brian's and there is a 90% chance I am the one not paying attention on a call.
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Jun 26, 2018 06:02
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CitizenKain posted:Also, I'm one of the Brian's and there is a 90% chance I am the one not paying attention on a call. Next time if someone calls you out just say, "Uh that's Brain, not Brian."
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Jun 26, 2018 11:27
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Our active shooter video had the Halloween theme playing in the background.
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Jun 26, 2018 12:14
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I realized today that I’ve been working at this place for over 2 years, and in that entire time I’ve not seen a single Gantt chart. Hell I’ve almost never heard of a target end date for our projects. ALL WE DO IS PROJECT WORK! We have 4 project managers to like 9 people executing the work. What the hell do they do?!
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Jun 26, 2018 12:40
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Tnuctip posted:
This is what I find amusing about the whole Confederate flag thing. I live in the north, and when I see people driving around with a Confederate flag sticker on their truck, I laugh. You live in the north. You know we were part of the Union Army right? Why do you want to advertise that you were on the LOSING side? I know it's supposed to be some kind of a "white power" thing, but it still makes me laugh.
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Jun 26, 2018 13:15
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Cat Army
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edit: gently caress this thread
The Sean fucked around with this message at 22:20 on Apr 24, 2020 |
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Jun 26, 2018 13:26
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Sydin posted:My office campus doubles as a dispatch point for transit police (don't ask, it's complicated) and boy nothing wakes you up in the morning quite like holding the door open on the way in from the parking lot for four guys in body armor with AR's. I hope you checked their IDs to make sure they weren't piggy backing.
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Jun 26, 2018 13:45
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That was supposed to be a joke but in hindsight it wasn't very funny.
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Jun 26, 2018 13:46
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Gotta love a 7:30am conference call
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Jun 26, 2018 13:51
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Renegret posted:That was supposed to be a joke but in hindsight it wasn't very funny. Nah, I appreciated the cops=pigs entendre. Chaotic Flame posted:Gotta love a 7:30am conference call My boss left for vacation last Thursday. So my Boss Boss put time on her calendar for Wednesday at 5pm to schedule her mid year review. It's been on the calendar for weeks and she reminded him again Monday morning that this was happening so he had three days worth of time to schedule it (and we can see his calendar it is not very full because who knows what he's actually doing since he's never in the office). This was when she was supposed to be at the airport. Because he is a garbage person who likes to spitefully schedule meetings to waste peoples' time. He would also put meetings on the calendar with our new analyst for like 5:30 in the afternoon and then cancel it at like 5:20. Why? Who knows, just to keep him at his desk for no reason? He'll schedule a meeting for 11a, then a few minutes before reschedule it for 2p, then a few minutes before reschedule it for 4p, then a few minutes before reschedule it for 5p, etc... He is the sole reason our department has lost like 40% of our employees over the last year because he treats everyone like an idiot and jerks people around for no reason, but loves to blame it on the VPs (who are actually good people) who directly manage the ones who left and destroy their confidence. It's amazing he hasn't been "reassigned" yet by the bank, but at least he gets passed over for MD every year. Fhqwhgads fucked around with this message at 14:14 on Jun 26, 2018 |
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Jun 26, 2018 14:05
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Fhqwhgads posted:Nah, I appreciated the cops=pigs entendre. “Decline”
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Jun 26, 2018 14:26
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Higgy posted:“Decline” “Tentative” with a no response no show 
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Jun 26, 2018 14:41
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No response no show should work too. The rescheduling is a power thing to establish dominance. You can ignore it.
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Jun 26, 2018 14:42
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The Sean posted:I cant remember the country, but it might apply to a few: some Scandinavian countries have bikers who sport the flag. It's just internationally known now as "I am a garbage person." Yeah I see them now and then, especially if there's some raggarmeet nearby. Thing is there are very few trucks here (Sweden) so they're just stuck to 30-year old Volvos instead.
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Jun 26, 2018 15:01
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