- Android Blues
- Nov 22, 2008
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Let us be Wilfred.
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Jul 3, 2018 16:39
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 10, 2024 03:24
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- Blueberry Pancakes
- Aug 18, 2012
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Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
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A life of fame as a discount Barney surely can't be that bad, right?
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Jul 3, 2018 16:42
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- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
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fuck you trolls
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gently caress yeah, let's be Wilfred
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Jul 4, 2018 02:56
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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time to win the gently caress over a bunch of 4 year olds
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Jul 4, 2018 05:39
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
“Okay,” you tell the young woman with the clipboard. “I’ll get into my costume. Just give me a minute.”
“Don’t you want some help?” she asks, sounding surprised.
You shake your head. “No. I can do it by myself.”
Boy, were you wrong!
For the next twenty minutes, you struggle to get into the pink-and-green dragon suit. It’s a joke. A really bad joke. The body part of the costume is stiff, hot, and hard to zip up. And the head? It’s so heavy, it’s like wearing a blanket!
Finally, you stumble out onto the soundstage to face a mob of antsy, squirming preschoolers. They clap and chant as soon as they spot you.
“Wilfred! Wilfred! Wilfred!” You never knew four-year-olds could be so loud!
The TV lights are even hotter than the lights in your dressing room. Sweat trickles into your eyes. You try to blink away the sting, but it doesn’t help.
The headpiece isn’t only hot and heavy – it’s also much too big for you. It keeps slipping and sliding around, banging into your nose. Sometimes the eyeholes don’t line up with your eyes.
You can’t stand it! You rip the costume head off.
Uh-oh. Big mistake.
quote:
“Nooooo!!!!!!” A wail fills the studio. You glance at the audience.
Ooooops.
As far as those four-year-olds are concerned, Wilfred is a real dragon. Their hero. And you just ripped his head off! Right in front of them!
The noise in the studio is deafening. You realize you aren’t only hearing upset, crying, screaming kids. You’re hearing screaming, angry parents.
“You terrified my Clara!” a father bellows.
“You killed Wilfred!” a child weeps.
“What kind of cruel nut are you!” demands a furious mom in the front row. She takes a step toward you.
They all take a step toward you.
quote:
Those angry parents seem ready to tear your head off! And they’re coming closer.
“I’m sorry,” you try to explain. “But it was so hot and –“
All at once, the group of grown-ups rushes straight at you!
Yikes! You whirl around and run through the studio.
“Grab Wilfred! Grab Wilfred!” the parents chant.
They chase you through the dark backstage area and then down the maze of hallways leading to your dressing room.
You spot your dressing-room door. You reach out for the doorknob when a mother with long red fingernails grabs your costume.
“Got him!” she cheers. You hear a ripping sound as you wriggle out of her grip. You yank open the door to the dressing room and slam it shut. Luckily, it has a lock.
Outside, the angry parents pound on your door, shouting at you. “Come out of there! We’re going to give you what you deserve!”
Inside, you close your eyes and quickly make another wish.
But you’re so hot – and nervous – you can’t think. So you just wish for the first thing that comes into your head.
quote:
“I wish I were far away from here,” you murmur. “Anywhere but here.”
Nothing happens.
“Come on, Jenna!” you whisper. “Where are you?” You look up at the ceiling. Glance at the corners. You gaze all around the dressing room. “Oh, Jenna,” you call.
Nothing.
Did she lie to me about giving me three wishes? you wonder. Am I going to be stuck as Wilfred forever?
Then you remember. The cola can!
Jenna warned you. There’s no way to make a wish without that can!
You think hard, trying to remember. Where was the can last time you had it? You close your eyes, trying to picture it.
Let’s see... Jenna was pacing the room and –
You snap your fingers. That’s it! The cola can was on the coffee table in your family room.
Then you made your wish and... POOF!
You were here. Now the question is, did the can travel with you when your wish came true? Is it hidden in your dressing room somewhere? Or is it back where you left it? In your family room.
If you think the can is still back at your house, turn to PAGE 103.
If you think it's in the dressing room somewhere, turn to PAGE 82.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 1/2
Bad Endings
Accidentally wasted all our wishes within two minutes of getting them.
Transported a few centuries into the past with no way of getting home.
Failed to get our mom back and got saddled with 100 clones of us.
Got chopped into ribbons by the final boss of Mortal Revenge.
Arrested for accidentally breaking into a hot dog stand at the food court.
Stayed in the ocean too long and got a terminal case of sunburn.
Transformed into a beautiful painting.
Swapped places with our butler after he got his hands on Jenna's can.
Shamed out of the book for not following the obvious plot hook.
Achievements
Can't Believe That Worked: Made Jenna give us unlimited wishes.
Meet the New Mom: Survived the adventure, but failed to bring our mom back.
It's the Dark Souls of Horror Books: Encountered a total of 150 bad endings.
Genies Are Overrated, Anyway: Freed Jenna from the cola can and returned to our normal life.
 Years of Therapy: Decapitated a Barney knock-off in front of several dozen preschoolers.
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Jul 4, 2018 16:07
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- Blueberry Pancakes
- Aug 18, 2012
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Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
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This is a very dumb protagonist.
Let's check the room.
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Jul 4, 2018 16:50
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Look in the dressing room.
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Jul 4, 2018 18:31
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- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
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fuck you trolls
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Dressing room
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Jul 4, 2018 20:13
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
You decide to search for the cola can in the dressing room. It’s got to be around here somewhere!
You start searching the drawers and closets. Yanking open one after another. No luck.
Finally you notice a small, wood-paneled cabinet in the corner of the room. It’s the right shape and size to be a mini-refrigerator. You dash over and flip open the door.
YES! It’s filled with bottles of juice, bottles of sparkling water – and cans of cola! Just what you’re looking for.
You pull out a cola can and flip open the top.
SSSZZZTT! The soda sprays you lightly in the face. It’s just a soft drink. No genie.
You grab another can, then another one. SSSZZZTT! SSSZZZTT!
More carbonated beverage hits you in the face. No Jenna.
There’s only one can of cola left in the back of the mini-fridge. What are the chances? Your heart starts to sink.
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You clutch the can of cola tightly in your left hand. With your right, you quickly snap open the lid.
FFFFSSSZZZZZZZZ!
With a fizzing, hissing sound, a huge cloud of vapor escapes from the can. It grows bigger and louder, filling the room. Then a frightening figure squeezes out of the can and floats in front of you.
“Jenna?” you gasp when you see her.
The genie hovers above you, a nasty grimace twisting her face. She looks so... different! Her hair is more spiky, and more colorful. Harsh red, glaring blue, angry green. Instead of a fuzzy sweater and jeans, she’s wearing black leather from head to toe. The metal studs sticking out all over her jacket look as if they could cut you. The black leather pants are draped with heavy chains. Her huge black boots have sharp metal points on the toes.
Instead of greeting you with her cheery “What’s up?,” she growls. Or hisses. Like a cat. Her teeth are sharp and pointed too. She narrows her eyes and gives you a mean glare.
“So?” she snaps. “What do you think you want this time, smart-mouth?”
quote:
“Uh, I – I just w-w-want out of here,” you stammer.
“GRRRRR!”
You stumble backward when Jenna growls at you. Why is she scaring you?
“I don’t have all day,” Jenna snarls, popping her bubble gum. “You want a wish? Make it.”
All right, take it easy, you think. Just give me a chance.
But you’re too nervous to think straight. You had a few good wishes planned out – until Jenna arrived. Now that she’s being so mean to you, you can’t remember any of them.
So you open your mouth and say the first thing that pops into your head.
“I wish I were somewhere else – far away from here,” you blurt out.
Uh-oh. Are you sure that’s the wish you wanted?
Just like the last time we wished to be anywhere but here, this drops us on the island for the grand finale.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 1/2
Bad Endings
Accidentally wasted all our wishes within two minutes of getting them.
Transported a few centuries into the past with no way of getting home.
Failed to get our mom back and got saddled with 100 clones of us.
Got chopped into ribbons by the final boss of Mortal Revenge.
Arrested for accidentally breaking into a hot dog stand at the food court.
Stayed in the ocean too long and got a terminal case of sunburn.
Transformed into a beautiful painting.
Swapped places with our butler after he got his hands on Jenna's can.
Shamed out of the book for not following the obvious plot hook.
Achievements
Can't Believe That Worked: Made Jenna give us unlimited wishes.
Meet the New Mom: Survived the adventure, but failed to bring our mom back.
It's the Dark Souls of Horror Books: Encountered a total of 150 bad endings.
Genies Are Overrated, Anyway: Freed Jenna from the cola can and returned to our normal life.
Years of Therapy: Decapitated a Barney knock-off in front of several dozen preschoolers.
Our options posted:
- Go to the sporting goods store.
- Wish we never met Toobah.
- Look for a place to hide.
- Follow the parrot.
- Wish to be a famous sports star.
- Make another wish to get out of here.
- Look for the can at your house.
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Jul 5, 2018 16:47
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- Princey
- Mar 22, 2013
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Yeah, let's follow the parrot.
Our protagonist is just so, so dumb.
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Jul 5, 2018 17:49
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- PumpkinBat
- Oct 22, 2012
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Now hold on here, I want to know what happens if we wish we never met Toobah.
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Jul 6, 2018 03:10
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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So would Make another wish to get out of here have the same result?
Sort of. It gives us a few sentences of us basically going "Wilfred is lame, why would I want to be Wilfred?" and then takes us to the page where we choose where to search for the can.
quote:
The parrot removes its claw from your shoulder. Then it flies off, into the jungle.
You decide to follow it. Meeting a talking bird isn’t any stranger than anything else that’s happened to you today. And it might help you find the cola can. You never know.
Vines dangle in your face as you hurry to keep up with the colorful bird. It’s way ahead of you, but it’s easy to spot. Its brilliant yellow and blue feathers stand out in the dense green of the jungle.
Now that you’re in it, the jungle seems huge. And confusing. With all the twists and turns you’ve taken, you don’t think you’ll ever find your way back out.
The bird leads you deeper and deeper into the jungle. Where could it be leading you?
Finally it lands on the top of a tall tree, a few feet ahead of you. It squawks again.
“Hurry up!” it calls in its scratchy parrot voice.
You pick up your pace.
Then you hear a low growl – from the bushes just ahead.
Is the parrot leading you into a trap?
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You’ve come this far. You’re not going to turn back now.
As you step into the clearing, your mouth falls open. You can’t believe what you see.
There. Right smack in the middle of the jungle. Five modern vending machines! They’re arranged in a semi-circle around a tree stump, their lighted fronts glowing in the jungle shade.
A juice machine. A coffee machine. A candy machine. A milk machine. And a cola machine.
A cola machine!
“Yes!” you cry. Your face breaks into a huge grin.
Until you notice what’s sitting on top of the cola machine. Then your stomach tightens again. It more than tightens. You panic. You’re face-to-face with the beast you heard roaring.
And it’s a tiger! A huge, angry tiger. A real one, with striped fur, sharp teeth and claws. Crouching. Ready to strike.
“Ignore the tiger,” the parrot tells you.
Your heart pounds wildly. Is the parrot actually talking to you? Does it know what it’s saying?
Or is it just repeating words it’s learned before?
Do you dare to take the advice of a parrot?
The tiger leans forward. Drool drips from its sharp teeth.
If you turn and run back to the beach, turn to PAGE 134.
If you ignore the tiger and go for the cola, turn to PAGE 67.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 1/2
Bad Endings
Accidentally wasted all our wishes within two minutes of getting them.
Transported a few centuries into the past with no way of getting home.
Failed to get our mom back and got saddled with 100 clones of us.
Got chopped into ribbons by the final boss of Mortal Revenge.
Arrested for accidentally breaking into a hot dog stand at the food court.
Stayed in the ocean too long and got a terminal case of sunburn.
Transformed into a beautiful painting.
Swapped places with our butler after he got his hands on Jenna's can.
Shamed out of the book for not following the obvious plot hook.
Achievements
Can't Believe That Worked: Made Jenna give us unlimited wishes.
Meet the New Mom: Survived the adventure, but failed to bring our mom back.
It's the Dark Souls of Horror Books: Encountered a total of 150 bad endings.
Genies Are Overrated, Anyway: Freed Jenna from the cola can and returned to our normal life.
Years of Therapy: Decapitated a Barney knock-off in front of several dozen preschoolers.
Rebonack7 fucked around with this message at 15:35 on Jul 6, 2018
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Jul 6, 2018 15:29
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- Blueberry Pancakes
- Aug 18, 2012
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Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
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Buy the tiger a cola.
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Jul 6, 2018 22:13
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- rudecyrus
- Nov 6, 2009
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fuck you trolls
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A bunch of vending machines sitting in the middle of the jungle. Okay.
Go for the cola
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Jul 7, 2018 01:20
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
You swallow hard, trying to make the lump in your throat go away. But it won’t. You’re too choked with fear.
Still, you decide to do what the parrot says. It got you this far. You figure it must know what it’s talking about.
You ignore the tiger. Or at least you try. You can’t completely forget about the ferocious beast. You’re only human.
“N-n-now what?” you ask the parrot, still shaking. You try holding very still, so as not to attract the tiger’s attention. “H-how do I get the can of cola? I haven’t got any money.”
“Take these quarters,” the parrot answers. Using its claw, it picks up three quarters from the branch it’s perched on, and offers them to you. “But be careful. They’re the only ones I have left.”
As you reach out to take the quarters, the tiger LEAPS! Six hundred pounds of hungry snarling animal – right toward you!
Maybe you shouldn’t have listened to that crazy old bird!
quote:
“Help!” you scream. You fling your arms over your head and squeeze your eyes shut tight. Your heart hammers so hard, you think your chest will burst.
Then you hear a loud thud. Behind you.
“Open your eyes,” the parrot squawks. “Get the cola can.”
Huh?
Slowly, you open your eyes and realize that the tiger leaped over you – not at you! You hear him panting right behind you. You can feel his hot breath on your neck.
“Get the cola can,” the parrot pizzas.
With your heart still pounding, you try to do what the parrot says. You slowly approach the old machine. You push the quarters into the slot and hit the button.
KA-CHUNK. A can thumps down the chute and rolls out into your waiting hand. Nervously, you flip open the metal tab.
Pfft.
“Oh no!” you wail. “No genie! It’s just cola!”
Now you’ll never get off the island!
quote:
You can’t make a wish without Jenna’s cola can. And those three quarters were your only chance.
Even the parrot starts to cry!
You fling the cola can onto the ground in despair.
“No! No! No!” You slam your fist against the side of the cola machine.
Then something wonderful happens.
Another can of cola drops down.
“Can it be...?” You pick it up. “Oh, please, please, please be the right can!” You take a deep breath and flip open the top.
In a huge stinging spray of soda and red gas, Jenna shoots out of the can.
You hardly recognize her...
Her eyes are a poisonous yellow color, shaped like a cat’s. Her teeth are all fangs now. Razor sharp and deadly. Her hair stands straight up in spiky points that look as deadly as her teeth.
“J-J-Jenna,” you stammer. “What happened to you?”
quote:
“Shut up!” Jenna bellows. “Nothing’s happened to me! This is what I really look like. Got a problem with that?”
“No!” you respond hastily. “Of course not!”
Jenna narrows her cat-eyes at you and bares her fangs.
“What... do... you... WANT?” she demands, spitting each word out slowly.
What do I want? you wonder. With this new, scary Jenna in front of you, and a panting tiger behind you, you can’t think straight!
But you’ve noticed one thing for sure. Every time you make a wish, it turns out wrong. Not at all how you expected. You know you’re going to have to word your last wish very carefully.
Finally, you figure out what you’re going to say.
“Here’s what I want,” you say to Jenna. “I want to go home, and have everything be just the way it was before you came along. Except for one thing. I want to remember all the amazingly cool stuff that’s happened to me. Okay?”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Jenna sneers. “Maybe you’d better wish that tiger would go away. He’s about ready to attack!”
Quick, if you save yourself from the tiger, turn to PAGE 36.
If you bravely refuse to change your wish, turn to PAGE 62.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Cola Can
Goal Endings: 1/2
Bad Endings
Accidentally wasted all our wishes within two minutes of getting them.
Transported a few centuries into the past with no way of getting home.
Failed to get our mom back and got saddled with 100 clones of us.
Got chopped into ribbons by the final boss of Mortal Revenge.
Arrested for accidentally breaking into a hot dog stand at the food court.
Stayed in the ocean too long and got a terminal case of sunburn.
Transformed into a beautiful painting.
Swapped places with our butler after he got his hands on Jenna's can.
Shamed out of the book for not following the obvious plot hook.
Achievements
Can't Believe That Worked: Made Jenna give us unlimited wishes.
Meet the New Mom: Survived the adventure, but failed to bring our mom back.
It's the Dark Souls of Horror Books: Encountered a total of 150 bad endings.
Genies Are Overrated, Anyway: Freed Jenna from the cola can and returned to our normal life.
Years of Therapy: Decapitated a Barney knock-off in front of several dozen preschoolers.
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Jul 7, 2018 20:48
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Our wish is just fine.
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Jul 8, 2018 06:31
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- AceOfFlames
- Oct 9, 2012
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In the interest of remaining in character, let's be an idiot and wish the tiger away.
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Jul 8, 2018 13:04
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
“No way,” you tell Jenna. “I’m not falling for your tricks anymore. I just want my old life back. Just like I said.”
Jenna’s face twists into an awful, ugly shape. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” you answer firmly. “That’s my wish. Give it to me.”
“Fine!” Jenna snaps. She puts her hands on her hips and glares at you.
“Come on!” you order her. “Give me my wish!”
A huge smile spreads across her face – although she’s so ugly, it doesn’t look like a smile. It looks like an alligator’s hideous snarl.
“Oooops,” she says with a giggle. “I forgot to tell you. The third wish is different.”
“What?” You stare at her. “Different how?”
“Before I grant your last wish,” she explains, “you have to steal this wish-ring from my finger!” She waggles her pinky at you. Wrapped around it is an enormous ruby ring.
quote:
Steal her pinky ring?
“But... but... that’s not fair!” you cry.
“Who said anything about fair?” Jenna laughs. “And to get the ring, you’re going to have to catch me first!”
Then she snaps her fingers. She disappears into a cloud of smoke. Once the smoke clears, you sink to the ground in horror.
Jenna – the new ugly, monstrous, hideous, mean Jenna – has grown four times her normal size!
You lean your head back. Your eyes travel up, up, up her enormous body. She’s grown as big as a small building. She could squash you like a bug, just by moving one foot.
“So long, kid,” she booms. “I wouldn’t count on getting that last wish, if I were you!”
Jenna turns and starts strolling through the jungle. With every step, she tramples several small trees. Her legs are so long, each stride takes her farther and farther away.
I’ll never catch her, you think, as she leaves you hopelessly behind.
quote:
“Wait, Jenna!” you cry, dashing after her.
But it’s no use. She’s much too fast for you. By the time she’s taken ten steps, she’s completely disappeared.
Tired and frustrated, you drop to your knees. “I want to go home!” you moan. “I just want to go home.”
Suddenly a voice startles you.
“You can’t catch her that way,” squawks the parrot. “Get up and ride the tiger!”
Huh?
You look up from the jungle path where you’re kneeling.
The tiger! You’d forgotten all about him. You whirl around and see him still sitting in the clearing, near the vending machines.
He’s sitting perfectly still, like an obedient dog who’s been ordered to stay.
“Ride the tiger! Ride the tiger!” the parrot squawks.
Hmmm...
Ride the tiger. Does that sound like a good idea?
If you ride the tiger, turn to PAGE 27.
If you think it's safer to chase Jenna on foot, turn to PAGE 6.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Cola Can
Goal Endings: 1/2
Bad Endings
Accidentally wasted all our wishes within two minutes of getting them.
Transported a few centuries into the past with no way of getting home.
Failed to get our mom back and got saddled with 100 clones of us.
Got chopped into ribbons by the final boss of Mortal Revenge.
Arrested for accidentally breaking into a hot dog stand at the food court.
Stayed in the ocean too long and got a terminal case of sunburn.
Transformed into a beautiful painting.
Swapped places with our butler after he got his hands on Jenna's can.
Shamed out of the book for not following the obvious plot hook.
Achievements
Can't Believe That Worked: Made Jenna give us unlimited wishes.
Meet the New Mom: Survived the adventure, but failed to bring our mom back.
It's the Dark Souls of Horror Books: Encountered a total of 150 bad endings.
Genies Are Overrated, Anyway: Freed Jenna from the cola can and returned to our normal life.
Years of Therapy: Decapitated a Barney knock-off in front of several dozen preschoolers.
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Jul 8, 2018 18:35
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- Blueberry Pancakes
- Aug 18, 2012
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Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
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When did this become Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle?
Ride the tiger.
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Jul 8, 2018 19:19
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- Android Blues
- Nov 22, 2008
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I'm sure this book thinks it's quoting Dio, but it's actually quoting noted "superfascist" Julius Evola by way of Dio. For shame, Goosebumps!
If the ghostwriter thinks fascism is real, we should ride the tiger, because that was Evola's phrase for enduring the horror of liberal democracy, mastering its norms, and using them to bring about a new fascism when the time was right.
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Jul 9, 2018 09:04
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- PumpkinBat
- Oct 22, 2012
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Maybe the tiger and parrot are our siblings?
Ride the tiger.
Also, what kind of condition is that? Steal a pinky ring from a wish-granting genie? How is that even remotely possible?
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Jul 9, 2018 10:04
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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Also, what kind of condition is that? Steal a pinky ring from a wish-granting genie? How is that even remotely possible?
This is how:
quote:
You decide to ride the tiger.
It seems as if it’s your only hope of catching up to Jenna.
You hurry back to the clearing. You crouch in some bushes and peer through the leaves at the tiger. He’s still sitting there, not moving.
You can see his sharp teeth inside his open mouth as he pants.
Hmmmm.
Maybe you should sneak up on him, taking him by surprise.
You creep up behind the tiger. You reach out and grab a handful of the thick furry skin at his neck. Then, as quickly as you can, you straddle the animal like a horse.
The minute you climb onto him, he bolts up and sprints through the jungle.
“Help!” you scream, barely able to hang on.
The tiger’s head whips around and he snarls ferociously in your face.
He looks as if he’s going to snap your head off.
quote:
“Sorry, Tiger!” you yell. “I didn’t mean anything! Good boy. Don’t bite me!”
As if it understands you, the tiger stops snarling. It continues darting through the jungle at lightning speed.
You hang on tight. Pretty soon he catches up to the genie!
“What do you think you’re doing?” Jenna looks shocked to see you. “Get off that tiger – right now!”
I won’t do another thing you tell me to do, you vow silently. Ever!
Your fingers clutch the tiger’s fur as it suddenly springs into the air. He leaps at Jenna.
“No!” Jenna shrieks at the attacking tiger. “Get back. NO!”
The tiger snaps at her face. But with her huge, powerful hand, she smacks it to the ground.
“Ahhhhh!” you cry as the force of her swat throws you from the tiger’s back.
quote:
Your head hits the ground hard as you fall. For a minute, you actually see stars. You glance over at the tiger.
He’s out cold!
Your heart sinks. You watch Jenna disappearing into the jungle.
Now I’ll never catch her. Never!
Your head throbs from the fall. Your arms ache from holding on so tight. Your knees hurt from landing on them. Your whole body feels bruised.
You slump to the ground and just lie there, face-down in the dirt.
Slowly the truth dawns on you. You’re never going to get off this island.
Jenna is too big. Too powerful.
And much too evil.
You can’t possibly catch her. You can’t outsmart her. And you’ll never be able to steal her ring.
In frustration, you grab a handful of dirt and fling it into the air.
“It’s not fair!” you cry.
That’s when you see it. Something shiny – lying on the ground. Right beside the tiger’s mouth!
quote:
Scrambling madly, you reach out and pick up the small, shiny object.
“Yes!” you shout when you see what it is.
The genie’s ring! Your mind races back until you figure it out. It must have flown off her hand when she smacked the tiger. Then it must have gotten small again somehow. When it fell to the ground, away from Jenna’s magic.
You squeeze the ring tightly in both hands and close your eyes.
“I wish I could go home,” you whisper. “I want to go back to the way it was before I met Jenna. Except I want to remember everything that’s happened to me.”
All at once, the earth shakes. A terrifying pounding sound fills your ears.
It’s Jenna! you realize with a gulp. Marching toward you.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Branches break and leaves are ripped to shreds as the giant genie moves in your direction.
Finally she bursts through the trees. Her eyes are wild, her fangs sharp enough to rip you to shreds.
quote:
“You stole my ring!” Jenna growls.
“Yes!” you shout at her. “And I wish to go home! Now!”
Jenna throws her head back and lets out a terrible, moaning wail. You watch in awe as she begins to change.
Her whole face, body, and clothes slowly shrink back to normal size. She doesn’t have razor-sharp fangs anymore. She transforms back to the way she was when you first met her.
Then her body starts to fade away – disappearing into a cloud of white gas.
“I suppose you’re happy now,” she whines. “Now that I have to squeeze back into that stupid can!”
You shut your eyes and brace yourself, not sure what’s going to happen next. You recognize the familiar spinning feeling. Your wish is being granted.
But how will it turn out?
You never really got exactly what you wished for. What will happen this time?
quote:
“Yes!” you cry happily, when you see where you are.
You’re back in your own home. In your family room!
You jump up from the couch and dance around.
“What’s up with you?” your older brother Randy asks, as he walks in carrying a tray full of snacks.
“Oh, nothing,” you answer, smiling to yourself.
How could you possibly explain it to him? This is something you’ll just have to keep to yourself. You’ll remember it all your life, though. This was some adventure.
“Hey,” you call to him, noticing all the junk food he’s eating. “How come Mom’s letting you eat that junk?”
“Mom’s not home, idiot,” Randy answers. “Remember?”
Then he points toward the kitchen.
“There’s a whole six-pack of cola in the fridge too,” he says. “Help yourself.”
“Cola?” you repeat, your eyes growing large. “Uh, I think I’ll pass on that.”
Then something occurs to you. “But maybe I’ll stash it in my room,” you add.
“How come?” your brother asks, surprised.
“You never know when you’re going to need a can of cola,” you explain. “Sometimes nothing else will do!”
THE END
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Cola Can
Goal Endings: 2/2
Bad Endings
Accidentally wasted all our wishes within two minutes of getting them.
Transported a few centuries into the past with no way of getting home.
Failed to get our mom back and got saddled with 100 clones of us.
Got chopped into ribbons by the final boss of Mortal Revenge.
Arrested for accidentally breaking into a hot dog stand at the food court.
Stayed in the ocean too long and got a terminal case of sunburn.
Transformed into a beautiful painting.
Swapped places with our butler after he got his hands on Jenna's can.
Shamed out of the book for not following the obvious plot hook.
Achievements
Can't Believe That Worked: Made Jenna give us unlimited wishes.
Meet the New Mom: Survived the adventure, but failed to bring our mom back.
It's the Dark Souls of Horror Books: Encountered a total of 150 bad endings.
Genies Are Overrated, Anyway: Freed Jenna from the cola can and returned to our normal life.
Years of Therapy: Decapitated a Barney knock-off in front of several dozen preschoolers.
And with that, we've finished Scream of the Evil Genie. Man, Wishmaster made dealing with evil genies sound way more fun. Where's the option to paradox her into never being released in the first place, or summon the Archangel Michael to fight alongside us?
By the way, in case anyone was wondering, going the sports star route leads to us becoming the star player of the Canadian national curling team.
Next time, our streak of making life miserable for scientists with silly names continues. And no, Professor Shock is not related to Dr. Eeek.
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Jul 9, 2018 16:22
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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GIVE YOURSELF GOOSEBUMPS #14: THE CREEPY CREATIONS OF PROFESSOR SHOCK
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“School’s out!” you yell gleefully. Leaning on the handlebars of your bicycle, you gaze at your best friends, Jason and Stacey. “What should we do today?”
Jason and Stacey are twins. Both have blonde hair and blue eyes. But that’s about the only way they’re alike.
“Let’s ride around the park,” Jason suggests.
“BOR-ing!” Stacey responds. “Let’s go someplace new.”
As always, you make the decision. “We’ll go that way,” you say, pointing north out of the park.
You race up the wide boulevard on your bicycles. Soon you’re in a part of town you’ve never seen before.
“I heard this was the oldest part of the city,” Jason says. “Some of the houses go back to pioneer days.”
“That one looks like it goes back to the dinosaurs,” you joke. You point at a high, crumbling brick wall. All you can see of the house behind it is a rotting roof.
A sign by the front gate says PLEASE COME IN.
You turn to your friends. “Let’s check it out,” you suggest. You turn back to the gate.
And stop. In shock. Because the sign now says DANGER!
quote:
You rub your eyes. Did you read the sign correctly?
Then you see that it’s loose. It turns slowly in the wind – back to the side that says PLEASE COME IN.
“Let’s go in!” Stacey says excitedly.
“Are you nuts?” Jason cries. “The sign says danger.”
As usual, you decide. “I want to see what’s inside,” you declare. The rusty gate is open a crack. You push it all the way open and enter.
You find yourselves in a weedy yard with grass as high as your knees. Behind the lawn stands a huge old three-story house. Paint peels from every wall. The porch sags. Several of the windows are boarded up.
“It looks haunted,” Jason says nervously.
Stacey rolls her eyes. “There’s no such thing,” she responds. “But I’ll bet no one’s lived here in a long time.”
You step onto the sagging porch and peer in the front window. It’s so dirty you can’t see anything inside.
Then a strong, bony hand clamps around your wrist.
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Your heart thuds. A fierce -looking old man is holding your wrist. He’s totally bald. A bushy white beard hangs down to his chest. His dark eyes squint behind thick glasses.
“It’s about time you got here! I’ve been waiting all morning. I’m Professor Shock,” the old man says. “Are you ready to start work?”
“What do you mean?” you demand, pulling away from him.
Professor Shock frowns. “Aren’t you from Acme Cleanup?”
“No,” Stacey tells him. “We were riding around and saw your gate was open.”
“Oh.” Professor Shock seems disappointed. “The people from Acme were supposed to clean my garage,” he explains. “But they didn’t show up. Why don’t I hire you kids? It’s not hard work – and I’ll pay you fifty dollars.”
You glance at the twins. That’s a lot of money!
Jason nods eagerly. “Sure! We’ll be glad to.”
“Wonderful!” Professor Shock replies. “Right this way.”
You follow the old man to the backyard. Then you see the garage. And you wonder if you’ve made a big mistake.
quote:
The garage is as big as a barn – and packed with junk. Moldy old furniture. Rotting cardboard boxes. Piles of rags. A rusted-out car. And that’s just the front part.
“You want us to clean this out?” Stacey asks.
“It’ll be easy!” Professor Shock says cheerily. He hands you brooms and trash bags. “I’ll check back later. Oh, one thing,” he adds. “Whatever you do, don’t go in the back room!” He points to a partially open green door at the back of the garage.
“But –“ Stacey cries.
Too late. He’s gone. You and your friends gaze at the incredible mass of junk. Is the money really worth it?
“Let’s get started,” you say with a sigh.
You find a wheelbarrow and load piles of old newspapers into it. Stacey pushes a broom in the back of the garage. Jason carries boxes to the front.
“Oh, no!” Stacey suddenly calls. “My ring slipped off my finger! And it rolled right into the back room!”
quote:
You and Jason hurry to the back of the garage. You glance toward the front. No sign of Professor Shock.
“Come on,” you say. “Let’s find the ring.”
But when you step through the green door, you forget all about Stacey’s ring. The room is packed with electronic gadgets and toys! Every shelf and table holds a cool-looking machine. Lights flash. Circuits buzz. A blackboard is covered with mathematical formulas. The walls are plastered with diagrams of machines.
“I bet Professor Shock is an inventor!” Stacey exclaims. “This must be his workshop!”
“What do all these things do?” Jason wonders.
You’re studying two huge switches on the back wall. One’s red. One’s white. From the red switch, a red wire leads to the back of an eight-foot-tall copper robot. A white cable from the white switch leads to a high-tech pinball machine. It looks like the coolest game you’ve ever seen.
You already know you’re going to pull one of the switches. The only question is – which switch?
Pull the red switch to the robot on PAGE 35.
Try the white switch to the pinball machine on PAGE 15.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/2
Bad Endings
None yet.
Achievements
None yet.
Rebonack7 fucked around with this message at 16:18 on Aug 22, 2018
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Jul 10, 2018 16:49
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- Leraika
- Jun 14, 2015
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Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.
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aww, they wised up enough to railroad us into actually interacting with the book.
Let's sure play a mean pinball
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Jul 10, 2018 18:17
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- Blueberry Pancakes
- Aug 18, 2012
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Jack in!! MegaMan, Execute!
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Pinball!
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Jul 10, 2018 21:18
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- AweStriker
- Oct 6, 2014
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Time for a game of skill!
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Jul 10, 2018 21:50
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- Bob Smith
- Jan 5, 2006
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Well Then, What Shall We Start With?
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The only thing stronger than a mad scientist must be some kind of master of the magical arts. A pinball wizard, perhaps?
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Jul 10, 2018 22:23
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- PumpkinBat
- Oct 22, 2012
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That is a really unfair condition. If it wasn't for the tiger and parrot, you would've been screwed.
I can only assume sort of wish-genie book of rules stipulates that when you're down to your last wish, Jenna's contractually obligated to summon two sidekicks to help you get that ring.
Professor Shock so far seems downright benign compared to Dr. Eek, although it is suspicious that he mistakes a trio of middle school kids for workers from a clean-up company.
Although the thick glasses do suggest he's really nearsighted. Either that, or we are a remarkably burly 13-year old.
Also, Stacy definitely deliberately rolled her ring into the back room.
Play pinball! Surely it will not swap our brains or anything.
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Jul 11, 2018 16:47
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
You decide to try the white switch. You love pinball! “Who wants to challenge the pinball wizard?” you call and flip the switch.
Nothing happens. The machine doesn’t light up. There’s no noise. No flashing lights, no KA-CHING! Nothing.
“I don’t believe it!” you grumble, smacking the machine. You’re about to hit it again when you see movement out of the corner of your eye. The green door! It’s opening!
Professor Shock! You can’t let him find you here!
“Back here!” Stacey whispers. She pulls you and Jason behind the pinball machine. You squeeze in between the machine and an old, dusty mirror lying against the wall.
Your elbow knocks against the mirror. Suddenly, lights begin to flash. Sirens go off. The mirror begins to vibrate.
Horrified, you run your hands over the mirror’s frame. How can you turn the thing off?
But soon you stop worrying about that. You’ve got bigger problems.
A weird, invisible force is sucking you into the mirror!
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Wind roars past your ears. It’s as if you’re caught in a tornado! You can’t see your legs anymore. They’re inside the mirror! You grab the frame and hang on. Invisible forces rip at your fingers, trying to pry them loose.
“Stacey! Jason!” you scream. “Help me!”
But your friends are screaming too. They’re being pulled into the mirror with you!
You’re inside as far as your neck now. Then a wrinkled face appears, framed by the back legs of the pinball machine. It’s Professor Shock! He peers at you.
“Help us!” you shout.
“I can’t!” he screams. “I told you to stay away! There’s no way out of there unless you find the –“
POP!
Your hands lose their grip. And the professor vanishes.
quote:
“Find the what?” you shout. But it’s too late. The professor is gone.
The roaring wind stops. You land sprawling on a slick, hard floor. The twins plop down beside you.
“What happened?” Jason cries. “Where are we?”
You gaze around. The room you’re in has no doors or windows. The only declarations on the gray walls are two built-in mirrors.
“We came through the mirror,” you say slowly. You’re trying to stay calm.
“That’s impossible,” Stacey objects.
“Look around,” you order. “There’s no other way in.”
“And no way out!” Jason wails.
The three of you stare at each other. Impossible as it seems, you’re inside the mirror.
And you’re trapped.
quote:
Jason jumps up. “Help! I want out!”
“Hold on!” you call. “Don’t panic!”
“There’s got to be a way out,” Stacey declares.
You stare at the mirrors. An idea is forming in your mind. “If we came in through the mirror, maybe that’s the way out too. Maybe we can escape through one of these mirrors.”
“But which one?” Jason demands.
You study the two mirrors. The one on your right seems ordinary. It reflects you and the twins.
The one on your left is a different story. In fact, you wonder if there’s a hidden movie projector in the room. Because the mirror shows a peaceful country meadow full of grazing cows.
Which mirror will you try?
If you choose the one with the country scene, turn to PAGE 47.
If you pick the one that reflects you and the twins, go to PAGE 123.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/2
Bad Endings
None yet.
Achievements
None yet.
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Jul 11, 2018 17:28
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- Rebonack7
- Aug 27, 2015
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quote:
You’re fascinated by the mirror showing the country scene. “Let’s try this one,” you say. “If we don’t like what we find, we can always come back.”
The twins agree. Trying not to feel silly, you poke your left foot at the glass.
Hey! It goes right through! The glass feels rubbery. It’s like walking through a bowl of Jell-O. Your arms and legs tingle.
And then you’re on the other side.
You glance around. You’re in a flower-dotted field. Jason and Stacey are beside you. Warm sun pours down. Birds are singing. In the distance, cows munch on grass.
But there’s something wrong with the whole scene...
“The grass! It’s blue!” Jason cries. “And the sky’s green!”
He’s right! And now that you know what to look for, you notice that the cows are red and yellow, while the flowers are spotted black and white. The colors are reversed. Backward!
“Where are we?” Stacey cries.
“Who cares?” Jason says. “I want to go back.” He turns around. Then he gasps.
“The mirror!” he shouts. “Where’s the mirror?”
quote:
Jason’s right. The mirror has vanished!
You can’t go back to the little room!
“We’ll be fine,” Stacey declares. “Professor Shock said all we have to do to get out of here is find something.”
“But he didn’t say what we need to find,” Jason retorts. “We’re trapped. Maybe forever.”
You sure hope Jason’s wrong. You stare around. There must be some clue, something that will tell you what to do next.
Then, across the field, you spot a green sign. It looks like a regular road sign – except that there’s no road nearby.
“Maybe that sign will tell us something,” you suggest.
Stacey immediately races toward the sign. You and Jason take off after her. Tall, blue grass tickles your ankles. It feels good to run. Until you realize that something is wrong.
You’ve been running for several minutes. But – “The sign looks farther away than when we started!” you blurt out.
You and your friends stop running and turn to gaze back the way you came. You’ve definitely covered some ground.
“Weird,” Stacey pants.
“Maybe it’s an optical illusion,” Jason suggests.
Before you can reply, something grunts. Right behind you.
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Stacey peeks over her shoulder. “Don’t look now,” she whispers, “but there’s a bull behind us. And he’s grouchy.”
Of course, you spin around at once.
Stacey wasn’t joking. The red-and-yellow bull is the biggest you’ve ever seen. His gleaming horns must be two feet long. They look even bigger, because he’s only ten feet away. Pawing the ground. With a nasty glare in his little red eyes.
“Run!” Jason screams.
The three of you pelt across the field. Back the way you just came.
“It’s after us,” Jason reports, glancing back. “We’ve got to move faster!”
You pour on even more speed. But when you risk a look over your shoulder, you see that the furious bull is gaining on you.
“The faster we run, the closer it gets!” Stacey gasps.
That doesn’t make any sense, you think.
Or does it?
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“Turn around!” you shout.
“Huh?” Jason gasps. “Did you happen to notice we’re being chased by a raging bull?”
“I think I know how to beat him!” you pant.
“How?” Stacey demands.
“Run toward him!” you exclaim. “We’re in a mirror world. Things are backward here – like the colors. So maybe this chase is backward too. Maybe if we run toward the bull, we’ll get away from him!”
Stacey disagrees. “That’s crazy. Let’s split up and keep running away. The bull can’t chase all three of us!”
Maybe Stacey’s plan is better than yours. If only you had a little time to think it over.
But you don’t. Quick! Make a decision now!
Run toward the bull on PAGE 105.
Split up and keep running away to PAGE 46.
Character Sheet posted:
Inventory
Empty
Goal Endings: 0/2
Bad Endings
None yet.
Achievements
None yet.
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Jul 12, 2018 15:58
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 10, 2024 03:24
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- PumpkinBat
- Oct 22, 2012
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This is starting out poorly.
Looks like our protagonist has read Through The Looking Glass by Lewis Carrol.
The solution is to charge the bull head on.
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Jul 12, 2018 17:28
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Jul 3, 2018 16:39
